Guilder Institute Valentine's 2014 Issue

F E B R U A R Y 2 0 1 4 B R O U G H T T O Y O U B Y K P M GA N D D A L N I E Z E N B R O K E R A G E I N C .

ABOU

T THE

COVE

R

“Fragile, vulnerable, and delicate. One can never view such a sensation without having to associate it with those three words. It is difficult to hold, so hard to take care of. It can wilt and die faster than it could grow. Its petals will fall off and it would lose its vibrance. But one thing is certain: love is beautiful.”

P H O T O B Y D E N I S E S . D . S A N T O S

TABLE OF CONTENTS

PUBLICATIONSKyle Abella, Maki Bajit, Erika Buenaventura, Iya Brucal, Angelica Calso, Janelle Carrillo, Debbie Dizon, Maica Fernandez, Caitlin Gregorio, Jose

Isaguirre II, Raphael Layosa, Mikhael Magana, Kenji Muramatsu, Carmille Romero, Pauline Sagayo,

Aiko Sagusay, Isaac Tambunting, Alyssa Uy, Patrick Vicente, Mithi Zamora

ADMINAlvin Amil, Patricia Anatalio, Camille Calma, Josel

Rivera, Hector Salatan, John Soriano, Renzo Tiangco

CREATIVESDaniella Adriano, Frances Lee, Carmela Mira,

Jadiene Teng, Shei Ruiz

CONTRIBUTORSDenise S.D. Santos, Aphrodite’s Apprentice, Simon

Fortunato, Lang Load, Miguel Punzalan, Bianca Salamanca, Deadly Sin, Taylor Swift’s Unicorn

Editor-in-Chief

Associate Editors

Managing Editor

Business Manager

Creatives Director

JASON VIRTUCIO

CARLO PIO RODAARVIN LIM

JAPHET LUISTRO

SAMANTHA ANDALES

THERESE ASEOCHE

A . Y . 2 0 1 3 - 2 0 1 4

P R E V I O U S I S S U E

by Mikhail Magana

W H E N T H E S PA R K F L I C K E R S, I S I T ST I L L LOV E ?

ACCO U N T I N G : LOV E ?5

1 4 WAYS TO S U RV I V E T H E FO U RT E E N T H

6by Miguel Punzalan

MOST COMMO N CAUS ES O F H EA RT B R EA K I N G UYS

8by Simon Fortunato

VA L E N T I N E ’S DAY: R OMA N T I C H O L I DAY O R CO R P O R AT E S CAM ?

9by Lang Load

TO T H E G I R L I CA N N EV E R S E E M TO A P P R OAC H

10by The Deadly Sin

LOV E : P OW E R I N D I S G U I S E ?12by Carmille Romero

13by Alyssa Marie Uy

O P E N L ET T E R TO A L L T H E M E N I N T H E WO R L D

14by Bianca Salamanca

L I K E FAT H E R , L I K E S O N16by Aphrodite’s Apprentice

BAC K TO MY F I R ST LOV E18by Mithi Kapayapaan Zamora

S O U P A N A LO GY19 by John Alexander Soriano

EDITOR'S NOTE

It’s a touchdown.

Couples have the perfect opportunity to renew their commitment to one another. Singles have the perfect catalyst to renew their development goals. By some freak of culture, individuals in both classes have great expectations of others and of themselves. In similar terms, individuals from both feel that entitlement resides in others and in themselves. As Chbosky writes, “We accept the love we think we deserve.”

But why are expectations and entitlement so great? I can but enumerate drivers as abstract as the concepts themselves, such as media, custom, and upbringing. These drivers try to meet basic needs of different people. Some needs are more closely held and respected by people. This increases the stakes so much that someone believes it warrants a full celebration; and it is actually made into one. Then, everybody follows and celebrates. Then, artificial entities such as corporations or organizations follow and celebrate, too; for everybody natural, of course. Just look at Hallmark and government holidays.

I won’t proceed to discuss why and how everybody else natural or artificial set the needs in a pedestal so high it turns to luxury, lest I rant about economics. No. A more interesting perspective would be what was it like before that lazy and/or rich but brilliant dude came up with the idea to fully celebrate it. And the only common and concrete surrogate representation of such a state would be how children celebrate.

Children consistently deliver. It comes natural. They don’t need Hallmark items or government holiday incentives to remind them and do act on the reality that parents are to be loved, that work is subordinate to time (to play) with family and friends, that other people, regardless of diversity or disability, need respect, or that love is as surprising and free-flowing as a random hug, kiss, smile, or “I love you.”

Of course, this doesn’t only mean that you should act the same to your partner or crush during Valentines’ day just as you would in any other day. This opens us to the danger of being too complacent or self-absorbed with our own acquired definition of love, which your partner or crush might not recognize as such. Observe. Be as honest and sensitive as a child is. Then, act on it consistently. Don’t forget why Valentines’ is there in the first place. (Hint: needs. Another hint: Not only you have needs.)

The premium that Valentines’ brings is truly an opportunity to celebrate and to do something more for your special someone. But if you act upon your (would-be) relationship all year ‘round, you’d realize that Valentines’ Day is really just another day in the life.

Happy (Valentines’) Day!

Ja son Vi rtu c ioE D I TO R - I N - C H I E F

5FEBRUARY 2014AY 2013.2014

ACCOUNTING: Love?WORDS BY MIKHAEL MAGANA

PHOTOS FROM KPMG

THERE ARE a lot of times when we think of giving up. In our journey towards that day when we march proudly with our sablay and receive our diploma, we will need to take a lot of steps, from tiny strides to big leaps. It takes years to unfold before reaching that day when we could proudly tell our parents that we made it. However, it appears to be just the start of an even more important journey, for us to finally utilize what we have learned in those difficult and challenging years in our eventual careers.

There are thousands of companies out there. Unfortunately, like how we persevered to study for our examinations or answer cases, we have to endure double that to get hired for a job. For accounting students, the public accounting profession has always its doors open wide for young yet competent accountants to join their ranks. Indeed, there are a multitude of audit firms. And one of them – R.G. Manabat & Co., also known as KPMG Philippines – is among those firms which provide good training for new joiners, who are molded to become the future leaders of the public accounting profession. Audit associates and CBA alumni Mr. Jerome de Luna, Ms. Janica Giray, and Ms. Krystele Manzano join us and share their stories.

Success in the profession, contrary to popular notion, is never based on the level of salary or attainment of position. As with any other job, loving what you do defines how successful you are. According to Mr. Jerome, he loves “the accounting profession because it is wide-ranging and it provides a lot of options in what you want to do.”

Loving the profession is one thing, loving the firm you work for is another thing. “What I love most about being part of KPMG is that as inexperienced staff of the team [back then], the superiors trust us enough and are very willing to train us to handle work that is usually handled by experienced auditors in other firms,” says Ms. Janica.

Having said these however, does not mean that the public accounting firm is an easy job. There are hardships that one has to endure, but there are also quite a number of benefits that one can get. “Be prepared for overtime; work is hard and tiresome,” warns Ms. Krystele, but she also adds that “it is a worthwhile experience.”

She further states that “for CPAs, public practice is a good start for a career since you will be exposed to business processes in each type of industry. Audit work is a good training ground.”

Usually, the first half of the year is the busy season in auditing parlance. Sleepless nights are not so uncommon. “If and when we get to have free time during [the] busy season, no matter how simple the activities we would do, we won’t have to work that hard to enjoy it,” shares Ms. Janica. Going out to dinner and enjoying family time during weekends suffice to compensate for the tall pile of work needed to be done.

Sometimes, spending time alone could also help. But how joyful it is when you spend it with someone else, sharing the same work with you. Accountants could really make a cute couple I guess, but Ms. Krystele believes that “the profession does not dictate whether two persons will make a good couple. Accountants are stereotyped as boring but they can be good a couple if their personalities jive.”

Regardless of that, however, everyone should learn to love who they work with, as much as we love accounting. Remember that no one will get there easily. We have to spend five years in undergrad to get an accounting degree, and get through another couple of months to review for, and hopefully pass the board examinations. When you are thinking of giving up in the middle of an accounting exam, think again because the future ahead is so bright, not that an accountant is to receive competitive salaries, but think of your contribution to the public as a future Certified Public Accountant.

6 FEATURES THE GUILDER INSTITUTE

14 WAYS TO SURVIVE THE fourteenth

IF YOU are winging it loveless this coming Valentine’s for the 3rd or 7th time in your entire teenage life, it’s a sign: You’re doing something wrong. But hey, that’s what [mildly] Westernized societies like ours are wont to make Filipino youth feel. Mostly, these come in social manifestations, be it legitimate parental concern (“Kelan ka ba magkakagirlfriend/boyfriend, anak?”) or good-natured ribbing between friends who believe you may or may not be asexual.

Perhaps, you did make an effort in the realm of hooking up. And recently, you may have asked your friends for advice, or attempted to rekindle with an old flame, or Aphrodite help us, stalked the hot popular kid in class through online flirting under thinly-veiled “class-related” Facebook messaging. But sadly in the end, by some cruel twist of fate, you failed romantically in these endeavors (or you’re a massive creepball).

Take heart, reality says, you’re not alone.

So in the spirit of helping out those in need of a better alternative to make it through the season of hearts without the overblown pretensions of roses, candle-lit yacht diners. overly-sappy romcom film watching and seedy hotel trysts, here are 14 ways to spend Valentine’s Day (or week) without anyone special in tow.

Ditch the fro-yo-on-the-couch-drama and start shedding those wobbly bits for a change. Or if you’re on the opposite side of the weight class, go binge. Either way, it’s high time you work on that New Year’s Resolution you’ve been gunning to cross off years before J.Co gained a foothold in the country. You’re aware of what you’re lacking (or gaining) this season, so take this dateless opportunity to rid of the vestigial New Year and Tikoy pounds. Summer’s coming! You’ve nothing to lose!

Flunking a major? That pile of readings on your desk isn’t going to read itself. With studying early for finals, you’re not just getting a heads up on your future uno or avoiding the obligatory “Who’s your date?” questions, you’re making use of the reams of paper Mother Nature sacrificed just so you could graduate.

Nothing says “I love me” louder and better than tidying up the heaps of rubbish sprawled carelessly on your bedroom floor. Throw out the dusty doohickeys from 5th grade that you never use. Heave out your laundry. You’ll make your parents proud, too.

WORK OUT STUDY CLEAN UP

Bring out your inner Anthony Bourdain by cooking something up for your kin. It doesn’t have to be flashy as long as the gesture is wholeheartedly conveyed. Plus you get to spend more time with them (instead of, say, McAdams and Gosling).

COOK FOR THE FOLKS

Or more precisely, clean yourself after a day of sulking around waiting for the reply your crush will never send you. A long, warm bath will soothe your nerves. Get a haircut, maybe. Cut your toenails. Shave whatever needs shaving. Delete photos of unrequited love from your phone. If it’s not a day of brooding for a date that never happened, it’s you trying to give yourself some well-deserved self-respect.

CLEAN YOUR SELF

WORDS BY MIGUEL PUNZALANPHOTO BY THERESE ASEOCHE

ILLUSTRATION BY FRANCES LEE

7FEBRUARY 2014AY 2013.2014

Work on that painting you’ve been meaning to post on Tumblr. Download a new video-editing software. Make a witty meme. Write a poem. February’s a season of inspiration! Ideas, churning! Creativity, flowing! Hormones, resting!

Something about being “one with the world.” Plus you don’t have to spend a lot. Take a walk around the Academic Oval. Explore places in the University that you’ve never been too. Bring a music player with you so if boredom strikes while you’re feeling all indie-movie-ish in your travails, a well-picked soundtrack will accompany you through the trying, single life you’re currently leading.

By your fave author, or by genre. Literature absolutely helps in distracting you from the real world (of failed relationships...on a related note). Just maybe avoid and any and all Nicholas Sparks if you still have regard for your own sanity during this season. Suggested read: Rizal Without the Overcoat by Ambeth Ocampo. Our national hero had a rather colorful love life.

MAKE ART, NOT WAR TAKE A STROLL READ A BOOK OR TWO

Preferably with friends who are similarly lovelorn, pigging out with people is the go-to solution for all that lonesome drama. Diliman’s littered with awesome food finds to hang with old pals. Mang Larry’s, Rodic’s, and Maginhawa, or Zark’s, Bonchon, and Chubby Chicken. Your call. This way, you will avoid thinking thoughts about O.D.ing over something illegal or freakishly obsessing with your blockmate and instead focusing on the self-loathingly delicious food in front of you...with a support group of course. Friends, as cliché as this sounds, are always there for you no matter what. Unless they’ve got a date themselves then you’re d-d-doomed.

PIG OUT

SOUL SURF: THREE WEBSITES TO SEE OTHER THAN FACEBOOK, TWITTER AND INSTAGRAM

Wisecracking articles, college humor, and pop-culture countdowns that’ll keep you laughing for hours on end, keeping you distracted from all your friends’ sappy dating photos in Katip or BGC. (www.cracked.com)

A fairly useful tumblr account for those whose lives have been riddled with a string of lost potential relationships. Hopeless romantics send in their encounters; it could be a chance meeting at an LRT station, a casual gig small talk, or a flirty, drunken stare down at a music festival - all of which end up with none of both parties getting the other’s personal info. It’s the sad, oftentimes hilarious stuff of movies, and maybe even better. (missedconnectionsmanila.tumblr.com)

For the geek in you who wants to know how Game of Thrones would have gone if Sansa ended up with Jon Snow. The sheer number of pairings in fiction fandom is through the roof in this website, and nothing could prepare you for the thousands of possibilities in the storyline of your favorite TV show, Movie or Book series. It’s a wild congress of what-could-have-beens in the world of shipping and slashfiction.

CRACKED MISSED CONNECTIONS MANILA FANFICTION.NET

Ditch the social-media circus, unflap that freaking bird, and check out these three web goldmines guaranteed to keep you occupied for the month.

Drum up support for local musicians by attending one of the Philippines’ biggest college fairs. Bring a close friend or two and mag-emo to the beats of Up Dharma Down, or mosh in bittersweet happiness to the tune of Ang Bandang Shirley (watch out for their tracks Di Na Babalik and Tama Na Ang Drama which are guaranteed mush fest). If you were there last year, you won’t regret the experience (sans the mud).

Finally, the feels movie of last year. This film has all the makings of a great love story. It starts with a boy. And an OS. The rest, you figure out. And I suggest you watch it while drinking beer! It works on so many levels.

ATTEND THE UP FAIR WATCH “HER”

And there you go. Fourteen little things to do instead of moping in your

room wearing jammies and eating chips. You’ll meet that person someday,

so don’t fret forever! Good luck, stay positive and enjoy the sweet, lukewarm

weather of Valentine’s... alone.


Most Common Causes of Heartbreak in Guys

HOW MANY more times will I experience heartbreak? Will I still find the right girl for me? Can I really choose who is there for me to love all my life?

No one knows exactly. Love just happens by accident. Nothing is bound to happen. It just so happens that you love someone and that person loves you tenderly as well. We have heard of colorful love affairs in the past. But though the most interesting love stories are not replete in TV anthologies, romance movies, and radio dramas, tragic endings are resonant with and remembered by more people.

For teenagers going to college, distance could break two lovers apart. Maybe you have batch mates in high school who were a very cute couple, but attended different universities. From having a lot of good times together in high school, they start having long conversations over the phone when night time comes, instead. Then, everyday-after-class dates turn into once-a-week meet-ups. Soon after, when school work piles up, there’s suddenly no more time for one another. Chances are, they would miss each other too much. Girl enjoys her time with friends that she forgets about her guy in another university. Boy secludes himself, thinking too much and too deep about the break-up. After all, love knows distance, love knows boundaries, and love knows time.

Meanwhile, who would not be interested with stories between lovers who are worlds apart? This could be in terms of physical attributes, like in the case of a basketball player falling for a petite actress. There is also the classic story of the rich and poor getting hooked up, just as when the haciendero ties the knot with a farmer’s daughter. And of course, we have heard of the phrase “age doesn’t matter.” We see foreigner-retirees roaming around the city, holding hands with their Filipina wife in her 30s or 40s.

Love is too unpredictable. We do not know if our favorite high school enemy is the one we are facing in matrimonial ceremony a decade later or two, or it could be that one of our childhood crushes ends up in our arms one day.

But is it the same for heartbreaks? I would say no, mainly because the three things that cause the most heartbreaks in guys are either caused by the circumstance at hand, a part of reality, or a product of subjectivity.

When you fall in love with your best friend. We have heard much of these. Some best friends become happy lovers, while in most cases, they don’t. Most of the time, it becomes awkward when you confess to your best friend that you are in love with her. When loving you back is not possible, ending your most cherished friendship might be the result. While the friendship could still be recouped, the genuine affection might not be the same anymore. This is a double black eye on anyone; you lose a friend, and you don’t get to be loved back by someone you love. Had you not been best of friends, the love might have flourished, and you might end up together. The problem here is, the line separating best friends and casual lovers is just so thin, that it really isn’t anyone’s fault when your best friend falls in love with you; it’s just circumstance that caused the heartbreak.

When someone you love is unfortunately taken. Remember the time when you thought you already got the heart of a particular girl? You exchange sweet messages every night. She gets mad when you do some foolishness, and you worry when she gets home too late. Then one day, you see her walking in the school grounds, holding hands with another guy. What could make it more painful is when this happens just as you were thinking to confess your true feelings. It is hard to accept the reality that someone you love loves somebody else, and you might not be for her. Doing so, however, would set you free.

When mother does not give her approval. Just as how we are victimized by reality, we also get hurt by subjectivity. It could be that mother wasn’t in the usual gloomy mood when you first introduced your girlfriend, or that she does not like your girl too well. We know that in-laws having good times together sometimes define what a happy married life is. It really hurts to choose between your mother and the girl you truly love. The day may come that you would not bother to talk to your mother because of it, but as far as I am concerned, my mother will prevail. It is a no brainer to avoid heartbreak, but if there is one phrase we hear often that could be true, is that “mothers know best.” Just ask your mom if she does not want the best for you.

Now, I don’t know where your love would come from, but as soon as you find the other, don’t carry over the uncertainty. Don’t be the tragic ending you’ve seen one too many.

WORDS BY SIMON FORTUNATOILLUSTRATION BY THERESE ASEOCHE

9FEBRUARY 2014AY 2013.2014

FEBRUARY 14 – a day that is both famously and infamously known for the holiday it represents – also known as Valentine’s Day. The holiday of love can be seen coming a mile away. Things start turning red and sappy love songs start playing all around. At the same time, roses and chocolates start turning up everywhere, a lot of products are packaged in heart-shaped containers, restaurants are all booked, and, most evident of all, the prices of everything related to the product suddenly skyrocket. As early as January, this occasion makes its presence known to the masses. Throughout all this, we see how commercialized the reputation of this day has become. Heck, even bookstores get in on the craze. And who could blame these so-called money-grubbers? It has been proven time and again that there is profit to be made in the hype of the season, no matter if the business isn’t exactly related to Valentines. But is this really alright? Is this a normal turn of the evolution of human interaction or have we completely fallen for a capitalist trap?

Some business-minded people might defend that it’s just the way it is, the same with any other widely-known seasons such as Christmas

and Halloween. Not participating would mean a huge opportunity cost and loss of profits to other competitors. For the consumers, this behaviour is a result of the prominent trends in displaying affection. The more, the better, and the grander the execution, the more romantic or heartfelt it seems to be. Along with the growing trends in social media, the pressure is definitely on to level and outdo others’ recognized works and make their own story as unique as possible lest they face the possible backlash. This also results in people, mostly females, expecting more and more from their significant others. You see this with the different gimmicks people employ in things like prom invitations, proposal videos, valentines specials, and the like. Whether this is all the result of some cunning business plan of the florists and chocolatiers of the world, or just a natural playing out of social constructs, the situation remains the same much to the chagrin of romantics everywhere.

What is important to remember, however, is that it doesn’t really have to be this way. One doesn’t necessarily have to be affected simply because the majority of others are doing the same. Of course, there is nothing to say that it’s wrong to buy gifts and spend our money on pampering our loved ones. But what’s more meaningful is the thought and effort that is put into showing our love, clichéd as that may sound. We may not give the most expensive of gifts, but we can more than making up for it by not being lazy in thinking about what to give or do. On the flip side, it’s also better if we don’t really expect and simply be thankful for the feelings and attention that we receive. After all, true love isn’t something that is bought, but rather something that is felt.

WORDS BY LANG LOADILLUSTRATION BY JADE TENG AND FRANCES LEE


We’ve known each other for a little over three years, and everyday I have so much to tell you. The problem is that I can’t even approach you. It’s unbelievable! We’ve been classmates in a few classes throughout the years, yet I’ve never been comfortable enough to mellow down with you whenever I am with you.

You might think that this is the common case of being torpe, and you might be right, but to be honest, I’ve never felt like this before. I know it sounds really cheesy, but what the hell, this is true to the point that it pisses me off. I’ve liked and gone out with other girls before, but I’ve never been this hung over somebody.

You know, I was never really supposed to meet you. We used to sit in opposite ends of the classroom all the time, and the only reason why we met was because a common friend asked me if both of you could ride with me to AS when we were freshmen.

Truth is, I didn’t like you ever since. You sort of grew on me, or at least that’s how I want to see it. In a weird way, I’m glad that it happened that way. It just took much longer for me to admit it to myself. So when did I know that things got real? It all started last semester, when everything unexpected happened. I never thought that you guys needed another member in your group. I never thought you’d ask me to be part of your group. I never thought I’d be group mates with you, but damn, thank God for surprises. I was actually in denial when the feeling came to me, and after a few days of thinking, I realized that yes, I am in love with you.

What scared me was that I admitted at such a late part in college. I mean, we’re graduating this April, and we might never see each other again except for the occasional batch reunions. I knew that if I were ever to have a chance with you, I’d have to act right away, and I did, didn’t I? I’ve spent the past three months or so trying to make you feel like you’re the most special person in the world. Other people are starting to notice too, but who cares? This isn’t about them. This is about US. This is about me wanting to show you that I’m willing to do anything for someone I really like and care about.

But what now? I took the leap of faith. I am following my heart. I’m pretty sure you know that I like you that much. I even gave your parents pastries last Christmas. I think the only thing left is for me to tell you directly how I feel. But now we’re back to square one. My torpe side is coming back. I’ve actually planned to tell you a number of times before, but I always backed out in the end. I can’t bear to think how I’d feel if you didn’t feel the same way. I get nervous around you again. I thought we were getting really close, so what the hell, right? This is probably the only way I can ever find the courage to tell you this. For now. I am madly in love with you, more than I’d ever care to admit to anyone, and in these last few months, I will make sure that we won’t only be until the next few months.

Hopefully I find the courage soon to tell you in person, and I hope that you react well. One more leap of faith, one less regret to live with. So for now, here’s my “I love you.” It’s pretty lame, but I’m working on it. I always will. Like I told you before, I’ll give anything, but I won’t give up.

Love,

The Deadly Sin

To the girl I can never seem to approach,

PHOTO BY DENISE S. D. SANTOS

READ THE GUILDER INSTITUTEONLINE AT ISSUU.COM!


SCENARIO #1: She yells at how he has forgotten that it was their 3rd anniversary. He rants about how his boss has become so demanding for the past few days because they were too busy preparing for the tribute because it was Martin Luther King’s birthday. She shouts even louder that he remembered Martin Luther King and forgot about their anniversary. He gets irritated and also yells about how she chooses not to understand his situation. She becomes silent. He comes near her. In his attempt to say sorry, he holds her hand. She refuses then looks at him with tears in her eyes. She walks away. He shakes his head then looks down. The door slams. He is alone. She is gone.

Scenario #2: She yells at how he has forgotten that it was their 3rd anniversary. He explains about how his boss has become so demanding for the past few days because they were too busy preparing for the tribute because it was Martin Luther King’s birthday. She closes her eyes and keeps silent for a while. He comes near her. She remains still. He says sorry and places the blame to nobody. She looks at him. He holds her hand. She hugs her. He greets her, “Happy anniversary.”

WORDS BY CARMILLE ROMEROPHOTO BY THERESE ASEOCHE

From the very beginning of a boy-meets-girl story, struggle occurs as the boy does his best to win the girl’s heart. The girl seems to have control over the boy as it is she who decides whether or not the boy-meets-girl story would translate into something more intimate. The boy, on the other hand, also decides the direction that the boy-meets-girl story would take. Once he stops to win the girl, nothing ever actually commences. Now say the girl gives her yes and so the story of boy-meets-girl continues. Every now and then they make decisions while considering each other’s choices. These decisions range from the serious ones such as deciding whether or not to accept a scholarship abroad due to the fear of long distance relationships, to the littlest of things such as the choice to either see a concert or a basketball game. The bottom line being, someone would not have done something if not for the other person.

How do all these make sense? The “struggle” faced by couples are governed by a concept called power. Once a girl and boy engage in a relationship, they develop a certain level of dependence upon each other. Therefore, to claim that couples are driven by power is valid. This may seem absurd at first because the cliché way of saying it is that couples are driven by love, and not power. However, love itself is an exercise of power: here being defined as the ability of person A to make person B do what person B should not otherwise have done. This means that for power to be exercised, two parties have to be

involved; one party urges, the other admits. Simply put, power here is influence reflected through action. And this is exactly what makes relationships work. As long as one considers the other in the making of decisions, the connection between the couple deepens. So as long as power is present, the boy-and-girl relationship is stable.

What if person A enjoys the privilege of being able to influence person B and goes too far such that person B decides not to allow person A to exert further influence? In this scenario, one of the actors needed to exercise power – the one who admits – is no longer present since both of them now urges. This ruins the stability created by the concept of power. Person A no longer has the ability to make person B do what person B should not otherwise have done. Therefore, power is lacking. This now makes the boy-and-girl relationship unstable.

While most people would think that power is the reason why couples disengage, the opposite is actually true. It is when power is exercised that relationships are kept. It is when one gives way and allows the other to exert influence that the couple comes to a compromise. Along with this is the knowledge that no relationship will ever be flawless. The thing is, the couple just has to choose to remain with each other. It is the recognition that everyday, love is an exercise of power. So while most would believe at first glance that scenario #1 above is an exercise of power and scenario #2 is not; the contrary is actually true.

Love: Power in Disguise?

13FEBRUARY 2014AY 2013.2014

THE MOMENT finally comes when your stomach runs out of those silly butterflies, the heart never beats fast anymore, and you actually think that the spark gets fainter for the both of you. You ask yourself then, “Is this still love?”

Most of you might pop the same question in your minds. Or to rephrase my title, “When the spark flickers, is it now time to know if it’s love?”

It’s about time to save the ladies hanging on to their relationships helplessly. If your reason for staying is that you’re probably not welcoming change and you don’t even clearly know why you’re still there, I might actually spare you from going crazy.

Your ultimate dilemma is the no-sparks factor. The more and more you get to know the person, the longer you’re together, the lesser and lesser the kilig factor your attachment has. Then, you suddenly realize you might have fallen out of love because you can’t even feel the sparks anymore. You say it’s better the first time you met him. You even wish you’d meet him all over again. But thank goodness, save all that kilig for infatuation and admiration.

When can you tell that it’s love?

When all of the frenzy and elation from flowers and chocolates are gone, that’s when you can determine if it’s really love. When all that’s left is the both of you and nothing else, that’s when you will find out.

Love is a choice, a decision and a commitment. You choose who to love and when to love. Even if others say it is destiny, you

still decide on whether to push through it or stop. You decide based on what makes you happy. But most of all, love is a commitment. It is a pact you made for yourself and for the person you love, that no matter what comes between the both of you will be overcome by you together. It is your commitment to make the relationship alive and keep its fervor. Love does not stop when you no longer feel its spark.

This is the main reason why married couples manage to keep it for decades. If it were based solely on your own feelings, then almost all might have already looked for new partners. In love, you learn how to compromise. You learn to equate your happiness to your partner’s happiness. Love is a life-long promise and not just to fuel the joyride of your emotions. Love teaches you of companionship. When things go rough, your extra hug is what he needs. Letting go easily makes you a coward.

It also speaks of contentment. Love is when you never get tired of listening to the same stories over and over again. When he’s no longer a mystery to you because you know him fully well, it still excites you when you talk over coffee. But, he never fails to surprise you too. He takes you out to dinner on an ordinary day. He writes post-it notes for you. I am not exaggerating, but these things indeed open avenues for you to know each other better.

When all’s been said and done, love becomes a never-ending commitment, not just for our temporary satisfaction. When the time comes that you still sit side-by-side even on your wheelchairs and you look him into the eye as you speak with your loudest voice, although what he can hear is a whisper of “I LOVE YOU”, that’s love.


OPEN LETTER TO ALL THE MEN IN THE WORLD

To you, who left me in midair:

What happened? Everything was going so well, and then you disappear, like there was never anything going on between us, and we were suddenly back to being “just friends”, when you know that is a stinking load of bull. The worst thing about it is I didn’t even know the cause. (I still don’t.) The least you could have done was to give me a clue. It’s not like I forced myself on you. You know it was a two-way thing. We felt the proverbial sparks, and we acted on the attraction. We had no qualms in being together. Let the world know; there was nothing to hide. Sure, at first it could have just been our raging hormones, but we moved past that. You know we did. We were steady. At least, that’s what I thought. Don’t tell me I was deluding myself because I am certain I wasn’t and you know it. You probably didn’t realize that, for so long, I had blamed myself for what happened, because it begged an explanation that I could not give, that you would not give. Did you find someone else? Did you decide to focus on other things and set love aside? Did your parents forbid you from seeing me? Did I do something wrong? Or did you simply decide to drop me from your life? I will never know. I asked you countless times. I tried to understand. You explained nothing, but what you lacked in words, you made up for in your actions. So I moved on. But here comes the kick: If you had just asked me then, at any time, to be your girlfriend, I would have said yes without even thinking about it. But you didn’t, and look at us now. Thank you for not asking me to be your friend because I didn’t want to be just your friend. But I’m over it.

To you who left me for another:

Bitterly I say, thank you for leaving me, and for spending the last ounce of decency in your body to break things off with me and stop the nonsense. Or perhaps, no, I do not want to thank you. I have forgiven you, but I can never forget what you did to me. All the

reasons in the world cannot be enough. “We’re simply not meant for each other.” Oh, spare me that line, please. We could have been. Do you really believe in destiny? Because after you left me for her, I don’t. Not anymore. Come to think of it, maybe I should have seen it coming. Maybe I should have raised an eyebrow when you were always on edge around me, or when you spent more time with her than with me. I trusted you wholly. I didn’t want to be that jealous bitch. I gave you both the benefit of the doubt, and that’s where I went wrong. We could have made it work, you know, but you didn’t seem interested. Well, you’ve made your choice. I hope you have fun with her and I hope you screw her ten times over, like what you did with me. Curse you, and curse that thing in your pants. You shouldn’t use it to think, you know. It’ll only get you in trouble. On second thought, go ahead.

To you, who always led me on:

I know that you know I liked you. I didn’t love you yet, but I was really starting to. I don’t know what it was that you used on me, but it was potent. It frustrated me deeply how I could never read you—one minute I thought I had a chance with you and the next, my odds were stacked. I was lucid—I knew what I was doing was wrong, and every move was a gamble—yet I insisted. You had me under your spell. I threw away the things I believed in, and replaced them with the ones you did. I made myself do things that I never thought I could. I was ready to fall at your feet just to prove my worth, to show you that I was the one for you. Did it pleasure you to have someone on your hook all the time, to know that you were admired while being so vain about it? Did you want me to pursue you, to be the one to make a move? That’s the thing—I couldn’t tell. You gave me the tiniest sliver of hope that would never die…but a human being can only wait and hope for so long. I got tired of the whole shtick. Good thing I snapped out of it before I seriously hurt myself (if I hadn’t yet). I lost more sleep over

THIS LETTER is for all the men in my life. Fair warning: honesty ahead.

WORDS BY BIANCA SALAMANCAILLUSTRATION BY FRANCES LEE AND DANIELLA ADRIANO

15FEBRUARY 2014AY 2013.2014

you than I did over my acads, damn you. I hate that I was such a fool for you. But I don’t hate you. I don’t know what it is about you that set you so far apart from all the other guys when, really, you weren’t any more special than the next. Still, it will always be at the back of my mind, what could have been if you had chosen me, if I had just been brazen enough to put what I felt in words, to make you tell me what the real score was between you and me. Ah, if only you weren’t so damn hard to read.

To you, who I never meant to put on the hook:

I’m sorry for not telling you right away that I didn’t like you that way. I know what I made you go through because I’ve been there, and if I say that I had no part in this, I would be lying. I am also to blame. I should have told you right away. I’m sorry. Truth is, I liked having you around. I enjoyed your company. You made me laugh, we saw eye-to-eye on so many things, and you were even there for me when I needed a friend—but that’s just it. That’s what you were to me—a friend—and no matter what you may have done to win my heart it just didn’t feel right to see you that way. I guess I was just waiting for you to come to your senses and realize that I wasn’t the one for you. You’re a smart guy. You are your own person; you don’t need my permission; you can do whatever you want, but take care of yourself. You’re my friend, and I wouldn’t want to hurt you. I could have lied to myself. I could have made you feel that I liked you back. We could have been a couple by label and you would have been so happy, at the expense of my own happiness. It would have been a catastrophic mistake. Who knows, maybe now just isn’t the right time. Maybe in the future, things will be different, and I will see you in a different light. Maybe we’ll be perfect for each other, maybe not. If your heart is still in it by then, then I’m in, I promise, and this time I’ll be sure to tell you the truth.

To you, the one that I will end up with: I

may or may not have met you. You might even be one of the people I’ve addressed here. Regardless, know that I will be waiting for you, and I will be forever hoping that the timing will be right on the moment that we meet, and it will be legendary. Pardon me for being such a sucker for romance. (And pardon me for using a beautiful word that apparently only Barney Stinson has the right to say.) I hope you will know for yourself who you are and what you believe in, and stand by it. If you don’t reveal the real you, chances are you will end up with the wrong person. Don’t change who you are for me, unless of course, you are an inconsiderate sexist bastard, in which case please change, by all means. It’s okay to be a nice guy, just don’t be a wimp. (I’m sure you’re not.) It’s okay if you haven’t planned out the next thirty years of your life down to the day. I promise to be by your side to make our plans together. However, I also hope you know what you want, and have the determination to show for it. I hope you are a good human being. The world could use less assholes and more good guys—a rare breed of men, if I may say so myself. I hope that you will give your whole heart to me and me only, because when I love you (when), I will love you with all of mine. I hope that when I find you, or you find me, or we find each other, emotions will be high. (We don’t even have to get off on the right foot.) I hope that I will be deserving of such a catch as you. Most of all, I hope we will never have to say goodbye. That is as true as it gets.

Always,

Bianca

Bianca Salamanca is a graduating BS Business Administration student, a

frustrated writer, and a frustrated dancer. She asks those who know her to keep her

identity secret. Bianca is not her real name.

WORDS BY BIANCA SALAMANCAILLUSTRATION BY FRANCES LEE AND DANIELLA ADRIANO


THE CLOCK across my room read that it was only a few minutes past five. Too early, I said to myself, but I couldn’t sleep anymore. So instead, I got up a little bit and sat with my back against my bed’s headboard. Saturdays are usually the times when I could sneak in a few more hours of sleep because I had no work. Even so, I couldn’t sleep until around noon because I had to do chores. I had to prepare breakfast just before my dad leaves at eight. Daddy has been in his job as a construction foreman for ten years now. He had work even on Saturdays and that means he only had Sunday for resting. His salary, although still meager, was much better compared to what he earned before he got his promotion. Those were the days when he was still struggling to raise me up on his own. But now, my job as a bank teller has somehow helped us with the financing.

My father started out as a construction worker in the firm he’s currently working with. That was right after my mom abandoned us. Before the incident, he was working abroad for our family and was earning a pretty good salary every month. He said he would come home every Christmas to be with us, and since I was still two years old then, he occasionally went on those vacation leaves just for me to recognize him as my dad. We were very happy during that time, ‘til one day, my mom left me with her sister-in-law. I didn’t even bother to know the reason from my aunt until now. I never needed any explanation. When the news reached my dad, he was so worried about me. He told me he decided to leave his job in Dubai to take care of me. So, he applied for a job in a construction company here.

He had the chance to be with his daughter again, but with great cost. He lost almost half of what he could have earned overseas. But then, he chose to be with me. He would wake up really early and clean the entire house alone. He would also cook me something for breakfast every time. The burnt hotdogs that he cooked were my favorite, I thought. He would always do it even though that kept him late for work. Most of the time, I ate hotdogs that were overcooked because he had to do other things. But who cares, I loved them, especially when it was Daddy who made them. He worked with sweat and blood just to send me to school. Sometimes, he even fetches me from school if they ended up early with work. He was one-of-a-kind, I swear. He was my superhero, my superdad and supermom all at the same time.

That’s why I won’t trade him for the world. Not a single guy could equal my dad’s compassion and love for me. It was immeasurable and I was immensely lucky to have him. Now, I would cook for him. He’s not getting any younger and I guess it’s my turn. In that case, I’ve perfected the way to cook hotdogs, ones which aren’t burnt. Yet for me, burnt

hotdogs were still dad’s best. I would just like everything to be perfect for his health, like what his love was to me. Therefore as long as I lived, I would never leave my dad for the sake of something or someone else.

Until I knew Josh Andrada. Of course, I wouldn’t leave dad but Josh was so much like him. The way he talks, the way he smiles and even the way he sweeps a stray hair from his forehead, it’s so dad. We met at the bank where I was a teller when he had asked me for the manager. Normally, I would see him go right straight to Mrs. de la Rosa for negotiations. But during that time, she wasn’t there. All I knew about him at that moment was that he was a rich bachelor. I heard he was given his own business by his parents. After that small encounter, I would receive messages from an anonymous person asking me if we could go out. I eventually learned that it was him. I gave in to his invitations because I was being courteous, and with him being one of our biggest clients, I did it for the company. I realized later on, however, that I loved hanging out with him. The way he would fetch me from work and the way he would accompany to the movies that only I enjoyed, reminds me so much of my father.

Time flew so fast and it was almost seven. It was time to prepare for dad’s breakfast and to pack him some lunch. Today, I would send him my specialty, which was pork adobo topped with a lot of onions. Hmm. Seems nice, I thought as I pictured it on my head. As I was about to open the door, I heard a loud bang from outside.

The sound seemed to come from across my room. I remembered that there were only two people in this house, Dad and I, and his room was right across. I was also sure he’s already wide awake at this time. As the realization struck, I hurried to check him out.

Dad was on the floor near his bed, cringing in pain. I was panicky and was trying to get him up, but to no avail. So, I tried to call the ambulance.

I stood up from my seat as I heard my dad mumble words from his hospital bed. “Dad, are you feeling better?” I asked. “Of course, I am, sweetie. Must have been fatigue,” he smirked. “Are you serious, Dad? You literally fell on the floor earlier because of the pain.”

Moments later, a resident physician entered the room to check his vital signs and explain to us his lab results. “The CT scan results show that your dad has kidney stones and his kidneys aren’t functioning that well anymore. We may have to find a matching donor for a kidney transplant,” he revealed. “Can you please urgently make a test to see if my kidneys are compatible with dad’s?” I addressed without hesitation. “Sure, Ms. Castillo.”

WORDS BY APHRODITE’S APPRENTICEILLUSTRATION BY THERESE ASEOCHE

Like Father, like SonExcuse me, readers, for this short shout-out I have to make. Yes you, my special guy reading this.

Happy anniversary to us! <3

17FEBRUARY 2014AY 2013.2014

Five days later, we still haven’t found a kidney donor. I wasn’t compatible with dad so we opted to enter dad’s name in the waiting list. But, the line was really long and the need was urgent. Another problem was, I didn’t even know how we would be able to pay all the bills. Josh came to the hospital just now because he was in China for a business trip for the past few days. When my father saw him, his brows creased and his mood changed. He tried to shout in anguish, “He is the reason why I’m lying on this deathbed. Had you not met him, you might have spent all of your time taking care of me. Because of him, your attention was taken away. I thought all we have is one another, Bianca. What happened? You easily got caught by your illusions and got swayed by the charms of this young man! Go and leave me alone! After all, I was just something in your life, Bianca, not everything!”

Tears were attempting to burst right before my very eyes. It was the most painful moment, to be accused by your own dad for being negligent and indifferent. I would have cared less if it were said by someone else, but it was dad. His words shot me straight through the heart. I knew he never liked Josh in the first place but I hoped he at least respected the one who makes me happy. They both had that same special place in my heart.

I rushed out of halls of the third floor, trying to stop myself from crying. Someone reached for my hand from behind, grabbed me and hugged me tightly. “It will be alright, Biancs, everything will fall into place,” Josh whispered to my ear. After everything dad has accused him of, he was still there to comfort me. I returned his hug with tears dampening his suit.

He took me to his home because I could no longer bear the pain. I think every time I saw my dad, I would remember his words. I would distance myself for a while to heal the hurt I felt. It wouldn’t take long, I’m sure.

Josh said he will be away for two weeks or so for another business meeting. He quite hesitated to go because he knew that I needed him. But I assured him that I could manage. I didn’t even know how I deserved to be treated like this. I didn’t make much effort to impress or keep him happy. He told me one time that he loved my company because I was real and true, that I didn’t have to pretend. After all, what he wanted was someone so candid and honest, considering that his world was full of competition and deadly lies. He wanted someone to lead him back if ever he goes astray, like getting too blinded by money.

Just a few days have passed when I realized I already missed my father. I realized that I had to be there for him during this difficult ordeal, even though he was irritable and grumpy. I planned to visit him

in the hospital to patch things up with him. When I was finally there, dad was no longer confined. I asked the nurses where he was, but they told me that all they knew was he was transferred to another hospital. They didn’t know what the exact place was. The nephrologist, on the other hand, is going to make another rounds by tomorrow. I probably would just be too lucky to catch him here.

I had a habit of at least easing myself when I was alone. It has almost been two weeks of preparing breakfast, not only for me, but also for my two guys. I would cook for three people and let the extra food sit until I’m done. That’s just so I can let myself feel that I’m complete. But I believed, they would come back. Later on, I would give it away for the helpers to eat. Today, I prepared hotdogs, but this time they were overcooked as I was too busy contemplating with my life. When I was about to have my first bite, I heard the honk of Josh’s car.

A helper rushed to the door to welcome Josh but I motioned her away, “I will get it. Thank you!” I went to open the door myself and saw right in front of me someone on a wheelchair, I saw dad. Behind him was Josh who was also in a hospital gown. Tears pooled in my eyes. I hugged Daddy.

“Hi, sweetie,” Dad said with such endearment, “I missed you.” I just smiled, unable to contain my joy. I examined Josh’s face and put my usual questioning look. “If not for Josh, Bianca, I won’t be here now. He saved me,” my dad proclaimed in trembling voice. Josh smiled and said, “I was unable to drive because it still hurts, so I had to call the driver to fetch us from the hospital.”

“You donated one of you kidneys to Dad?” I asked unbelievingly. “Yes Bianca. I tried to take the test just to see if I had the chance. I didn’t let you know because I know you would not risk both of our lives. So, as soon as I confirm that I was compatible, I scheduled an immediate operation,” Josh explained. “We had to transfer to another hospital for the operation. Josh even paid for everything and we now share the same kidneys!” Dad added.

“Thank you, Josh, thank you,” I uttered those words as I held them tightly together.

I even remember what Dad told me about the fight we had before. He said he was forced to do it so that I would run away. He wouldn’t want to let me see him suffer. It was too painful for him. He also made sure that if ever I lost him, I would have Josh to love and take care of me. Today, it is exactly a month after Josh and I tied the knot. And, Dad also now permanently lives with us. I can finally say that this whole thing is like father, like son.


Why let my hands tire out when I can just share my emotions to a friend? Why create stories and essays when I know I have a lot of more important things to do in school? Why write?

When I was kid, I wanted to be a writer.

I was so fond of creating shorts stories out of my experiences, dreams, and imagination. I remember stapling pieces of bond papers to create my own story books which I proudly presented to my parents. During grade school, poems and short stories were my favorite outputs. I loved essay exams because it allowed me to write down my understanding and appreciation of the subject matter. I was timid and quiet, and being “mema” through writing allowed me to communicate my ideas and emotions. Writing was my therapy and I knew that our relationship together was a good one.

When I entered college, I met new people and learned how to come out of my “shell.” I became more comfortable in talking with people and sharing my ideas with them. And as I became more sociable, my penchant for writing decreased. I resorted to easier means of expressing my emotions. I started to treat writing more of a requirement than a therapy. I felt tired and bordered by the different techniques in writing and rules in grammar.

So why am I writing now?

In this period of stress in academics, org works, and life in general, and when ranting to friends is effective no more, the best escape is through writing. Writing allows me to imagine beautiful things, to think of my fun experiences, to breathe fresh air. It also allows me to burst out my emotions without stressing someone else. It practices me on how to organize my flow of thoughts which is advantageous especially when we all have a pile of things to do. Writing is a hobby that is very productive and refreshing. I realized, after all, writing is still the best therapy.

I no longer dream of being a writer. I will not staple pieces of bond papers to create my own story books anymore. But I will still write. In writing, I am free. I can write anything that comes to mind. I can write my experiences, my frustrations, and my dreams.

People say that our first love lasts forever. Maybe that’s how I felt about writing. Although this feeling will never be as intense as what I experienced when I was a kid, I know that this hobby will always be my therapy and escape when all else fail. I am happy that I was able to find my way back to my first love.

WORDS BY MITHI KAPAYAPAAN ZAMORAPHOTO BY THERESE ASEOCHE

Back to My First Love

19FEBRUARY 2014AY 2013.2014

WORDS BY JOHN ALEXANDER SORIANO PHOTO BY SARAH DANIELLE NORSWORTHY

LOVE IS like a soup.It all starts with a craving. Cravings don’t necessarily start

with knowing what you are desiring--more often, we crave for things we never experienced.

True enough, there was this one time you saw a seemingly delicious soup in a certain restaurant around the corner, or in TV. Maybe it was mentioned by a friend, or a random passer-by. It’s crazy, but you got to try it.

And you would.

You step inside the restaurant, and you absorb everything as the first sight gives you all the impressions you need. Was it nicely lit? Were the chair arrangements lovely? Was the crowd tolerable? You take them all in.

Then you satisfy your curiosity and buy the rice-all-you-can menu from the counter. You pay a hundred bucks, and wait for the roasted chicken leg, along with some condiments. Little did you know, along the package is a bowl of soup.

Now you look at this soup, and marvel on the soup’s existence. It’s free, and you can’t help but smile, thinking that you’ve made the best deal in the world. A sip of the soup, and it has taken you to the

SOUP ANALOGY

heavens, satisfying your wants and needs. This a good soup, and a free soup. You thought, this definitely is a great restaurant.

Years later, you have already returned to that restaurant featuring the once seemingly delicious soup a hundred times. Now, you stare at the soup, no longer with eagerness, but disgust. You realize, it’s just “water with leftover sinigang mix.” It isn’t the same soup. Although in all actuality of everything that’s true in the world, it was the same soup.

What happened? A lot of things happened. Fresh perspectives affect your senses. Maybe you’ve been to another restaurant. Then, you started to do a lot of comparing. With that, you developed an entirely new mindset from the innocent curious child you were.

So what makes it an analogy for love?

The moment you realize that the soup is still the same soup you had the first time, a lot of things are put to light.

You remember when these imperfections you notice now weren’t much of a big deal back then. Then you realize, you changed a lot, but that doesn’t mean that this soup, this disgusting soup you now sip with all grudge, can still be obliviously relished. It would take a great amount of consideration, and painful dose of effort.

When you are able to love that soup then, indeed it is love.


Dalniezen Brokerage Inc.

Documents

Guilder Institute Valentine's 2014 Issue