CharactersResidents: no of linesRuth * 64Mary 57Lynette 33Barbara * 34Florence * 28Elspeth * 41Harry 51Monty 28* denotes residents who need help from a carer when they walk and who will use sticks or frames.

Carers:Marta (Polish) 24Chandni (Indian)34Bridget (Irish) 43

Visitors:Clive (neighbour of Elspeth) 31Brenda (neighbour of Elspeth) 37Douglas, Florence’s son 17Mr. York (from the Care Quality Commission) 14

Elspeth, Clive and Brenda featured in my play The Cornwallis Defence League

Setting: A lounge in a residential care home. Most of the chairs are in a semicircle facing the audience; a few form a separate group to one side. The stage directions indicate who sits where. The action is continuous; the “scene” numbers shown in brackets change each time a character enters or exits and are purely to assist in rehearsals. The windows to the outside world are behind chairs 2 and 12

As the play opens, Bridget is by chair 1, straightening the chairs and cleaning up. Lynette wanders in and seems to be looking for something; Bridget ignores her. Lynette sits in chair 12. After a moment Chandni enters and goes straight to Bridget.(1)Chandni: Bridget. Sarah wants to see you in Shirley’s room. She is writing up the notes

about the fall.Bridget: I told her this morning.Chandni: I’m just passing on the message. Sarah has to let Shirley’s daughter know, so

she needs all the details.Bridget: That eejit woman. I told her plain, don’t get up in the night. You want

something, press the button. If you must get up and you fall, press the button. Yes, she says to me. So what does she do? She gets up, she falls, she lays there.

Chandni: Please, explain to Sarah not to me. You were the one who found her; she just needs to check a couple of things. I’ll take over in here.

Bridget: I already told her everything this morning. What else can I say? What? [Bridget exits. Chandni looks over the room]

(2)Chandni: Oh Lynette, I did not see you there. Did you not go to hear the pianist?

Everyone was in the dining room.Lynette: Is Shirley all right?Chandni: She will be ok, just needs to rest. Lynette: Perhaps I should go and visit her.Chandni: No, better not to to disturb her. Are you looking for something, my dear?Lynette: I wonder if I left my purse here? I thought …. Have you seen it? Chandni: Nothing here. Is it in your bag?Lynette: Oh no, I looked.Chandni: Then it must be in your room. Where else could it be?Lynette: I do hope no-one has taken it. [She fumbles inside her bag]

[Harry walks in holding a magazine] (3)Chandni: Harry, you look well today.Harry: Always feel better when I see you, my lovely Chandni. What are you doing

tonight?Chandni: Sleeping, darling. I am on long shift today.Harry: What a pity. [He sits in chair 6]Lynette: What day is it?Harry: Friday. All day.Lynette: I need my purse. My daughter will come for me soon. I think someone must

have taken it. Oh dear. I’m sure I had it at breakfast.Chandni: It must be in your room. Go look.Lynette: Oh, dear.

[Lynette flutters out. Chandni shrugs, looks round and follows as Marta brings in Ruth]

(4)Marta: There we are. You're walking better today.Ruth: [surly] Am I?

-1-

Marta: You're walking better. Each day you get better. Ruth: Each day it hurts more.Marta: Doctor said it would take time. Now let's get you down in your chair. [Ruth sits

in chair 5]Ruth: Marta, I need another painkiller. It hurts, bending it.Marta: Drugs come round soon. You keep that leg straight. No crossing of ankles,

yes?[As Marta exits Mary walks in and sits in chair 4]

(5)Ruth: She never listens, that one. Always quotes the rules.Mary: She's busy this morning. And Bridget was late getting me up. She usually sees

me around eight but I had to wait till nearly a quarter to nine.Ruth: They're always busy. Oh my bloody leg. Ow.Mary: That's it dear, just rest it. I thought the eggs were nice today.Ruth: Same as usual. Ow.Harry: I didn’t see Bridget this morning. I reckon something happened. I wonder who

the lucky one was. Ruth: Might be Shirley. She wasn’t at breakfast and she usually likes hearing the

piano.Harry: She’s always got something up with her. Didn’t she take a tumble in the

corridor last month?[Marta helps Florence in. Florence smiles at them, sits in chair 10]

(6)Mary: Is your son coming today then, Florence?Florence: That’s nice.Mary: [louder] Your son? Is he coming?Florence: I think so. I can’t remember what he said. He’s so busy at work, always dashing

around. Mary: He’s very good. I haven’t seen his wife in a while though. I hope … oh, it’s none

of my business.Florence: [Not hearing her] Yes, I see. Oh, Marta, can I have some toast?Marta: You had breakfast. Soon will be lunch Florence: [not hearing] I have …?Marta: Breakfast! Too soon for toast. You can have nice sandwich for lunch, yes?Florence: I like toast. Ruth: I’ll say that for her, she does like her toast.Marta: I will see. [exits]

(7)[Chandni ushers Lynette in and seats her in chair 8]

Mary: All these young people, they’ve all got such busy lives, haven't they?Ruth: That’s certainly what they say when they need an excuse not to visit.Mary: Hello, Lynette. You’re looking smart today.Lynette: Hello.Chandni: There we are. Now you have your purse. Keep it in your bag.Lynette: Thank you. Chandni: And no more going into Shirley’s room. Let her rest. Tuck your feet in. Good. Lynette: Thank you, dear.

-2-

Chandni: Is your daughter coming today?Lynette: I think so. What's today?Ruth: Monday.Chandni: You are a very naughty woman. It is Friday, of course. Ruth: Might as well be, makes no difference.Lynette: She always comes on a Friday.Chandni: Then she'll be here later.

(8) [Marta brings in Barbara]Ruth: Chandni, what’s happened to Shirley this morning? Is she alright?Chandni: She was unwell in the night. I think she slipped.Marta: She is in bed. She will be all right. [Marta tries to seat Barbara in chair 12]Barbara: Not this chair. That one there, [She indicates chair 1] I want to look out.Mary: Poor thing. Did she fall again?Chandni: I think so. Bridget was on duty. Now … yes, where is Elspeth? [she exits]

(9)Marta: Yesterday you demand this one. Now this one. [She helps Barbara to sit chair

1]Barbara: What’s that got to do with anything? And don’t pinch my arm!Mary: She’s only trying to help you Barbara.Barbara: Only trying to torture me you mean. Marta: I'm sorry I missed you today, Mary. Mary: It's alright. It doesn’t matter about me.Ruth: We've got all the time in the world, haven't we? All the time in the world.Barbara: Nurse!Ruth: God, she's offBarbara: Nurse!Mary: Now then, Barbara, you don’t need to shout. It’s very rude.Ruth: We say that all the time but it makes no difference.Marta: Yes, Barbara?Barbara: I want to go back to my room.Marta: I just take you here. You stay here. Talk to people, OK?Barbara: I want ...Marta: You were in front room, you press bell and want me to take you here. Now

you say go back. No. Not proper. I have much to do. [she exits](10)Ruth: That's told her. As if.Barbara: [to Mary] And who do you think you are?Mary: I, I don’t know what you mean.Barbara: I’ll tell them what I bloody well like. Don’t you think I won’t. I won’t stand for

their cheek and laziness. [She faces away, to her right and glares out of “the window”]

Ruth: Just smile, Mary, it’ll blow over in a momentFlorence: [She speaks looking straight ahead, not really aware of the others] I had to

deal with all kinds of people during the war. I managed a supplies depot out at Derby. I heard all sorts of bad language. Some of the worst was from the female staff, would you believe? It doesn’t bother me. The young men were

-3-

always trying to chat them up, quite against the rules. I always told my girls to follow the regulations and ignore whatever anyone else said. I was very highly recommended by my station commander. [Ruth, who has heard all Florence’s stories before, chimes in with the last few words, Florence does not notice.]

Ruth: Yes, good. We’re none of us bothered then.Lynette: What day is it today?Mary: Friday.Lynette: My daughter comes on Fridays.

[Pause]Florence: [to herself] Now, where are my other glasses? I thought they were in here [She

fumbles in a bag]Mary: [Gently] We told you it was Friday. Lynette: When?Mary: Just now.Lynette: I don't remember.

(11)[Chandi helps Elspeth in and they stand for a moment while Elspeth takes in the scene]

Chandni: Here we are, this is the garden lounge. Let’s find you a seat, dear. I think we’ll put you next to Mary, she can look after you. We’ll do the medicines soon then I’ll take you in for lunch. Look at the lovely view. I’ll be back in a minute.

Elspeth: Thank you. It’s so bright in here.Florence: Oh, Chandni – have I dropped my glasses? I can't find themChandni: I don’t think so. Not here. We will find them later. [To Elspeth] This is a nice

seat for you, out of the way and out of mischief.[Chandni assists Elspeth in sitting in chair 3]

Ruth: Hello, come and join the in-crowd. Harry: Another new face, eh? Mary: It’s Elspeth, isn’t it? I saw you when you arrived. It was your daughter, wasn’t

it, who came with you? Elspeth: Yes. I’m sorry I don’t remember your name. I’m a bit confused. I wasn’t well so

I’ve been in my room a lot. [Chandni exits] (12)Mary: I’m Mary, this is Ruth, this is Harry and Lynette. That’s Florence. She’s a bit

deaf so she doesn’t always answer people. And her sulking by the window is Barbara.

Elspeth: Oh dear, I shall never remember. I’m so sorry.Ruth: Doesn’t matter. Half the people here will forget everything you tell them

straight away. Harry: And the rest will forget it by the next morning.Lynette: I haven't forgotten. You’re Elspeth. My name’s Lynette. I won't be here long,

my daughter’s coming. She comes on Friday. It is Friday, isn’t it? I’d better go and get ready. It always takes me a long time to get ready.

Harry: Where does she live then, your daughter?Lynette: Not far. Over in Finchley. I used to drive to her when her kids were small. Now

I don’t think I would remember how to get there. Every time she takes me we seem to go a new way, it’s very confusing. And there's so much traffic. I’d better get ready. [She stands up and looks around]

-4-

Ruth: Wish her daughter would get a bloody move on. Harry: [to Lynette as she leaves] Hey, it’s Friday, isn’t it? [Lynette exits]

(1)Ruth: Don't you start.Harry: Means it’s Saturday tomorrow. I'm going to stay with my kids tomorrow for a

couple of nights. Make a nice change to get away from here, get some peace and quiet, bit of home cooked food.

Mary: That's nice Harry. Where do they live?Harry: Out in Amersham way. Big house. Only trouble is they've got two huge dogs.Mary: Oh, I love dogs. I wish we could have dogs here.Ruth: I don't think that would be very popular.Mary: Florence agrees with me. She has pictures in her room, lovely fluffy white

ones.Harry: My kids’ dogs are big, black and smelly. Bloody things, always jumping on you.

You wouldn’t like them, Florrie, would you? [Florence smiles but does not respond]

Mary: [Loudly] You’d like dogs here, wouldn’t you, Florence?Florence: I’m sorry, dear? Logs?Harry: Dogs!Florence: We used to have Labradors. My husband used to take them to the park. The

last was called Jenny. After he died, she would stand by the door and look at me. I know what she was trying to say. ‘Master’s not here so you have to take me now’.

Barbara: What is she going on about? Who the hell wants to know about her dogs? Nurse!

Ruth: Oh, Gawd, who rattled her cage?Barbara: They never come when you call. Never. I'm not standing for it. Ruth: Whatcha gonna do, girl?Barbara: [subsiding] You can ring and ring and they never come. Bloody foreigners,

none of them trained. I could be dying here …Mary: [to Elspeth] How are you feeling, dear?Elspeth: I ... I had a bad night. I feel sick all the time.Mary: Didn’t sleep so well?Elspeth: No ... I never sleep well. I lie there and stare. Then just when I'm nodding off

they wake me up to give me a bloody pill.Mary: Try and relax now, Elspeth.Elspeth: Relax. I don't want to relax. I don't want to be here. Why am I here? I was at

home ... then ... I can't remember ... why am I here?Ruth: The same reason we’re all here.Florence: They took my Jenny away. They said she was too old and then … I didn’t get

another one. Every time she looked up at me I know she was asking me, where is Master?

Mary: It was a long time ago Florence.Florence: I didn’t get another dog. I didn’t want one, not then. Too late now.

[Pause]Elspeth: What's happened to me? I don't know what happened. I don't know why I'm

still here, I don't need it.

-5-

Mary: Where else would you be?Elspeth: With my sisters. With my Stanley. In heaven.Harry: [quietly but they can all hear] Another one with a death wish. Ruth: You were like that when you first came in here. Harry: Was I? I don't remember.Ruth: Just take me, God, you used to say. I think he decided to keep you down here

to give himself a bit of peace.Harry: Well, I’ve got plenty to say when I do finally get up there.

[Pause]Elspeth: Why am I here? Mary: Your daughter brought you in, about a week ago.Elspeth: Yes I know. But why? Why aren’t I at home?

(2 )[Monty enters]

Harry: Yes, I’ll let them know a thing or two when I get upstairs. Oh, here's his highness. Morning, Monty.[Monty looks round, takes chair 8 and sits down heavily]

Harry: I said good morning, sir. Was all to your satisfaction, your lordship?Monty: Blimey, give it a rest Harry. All I did was say the coffee was cold.Harry: And there should be more choice of spreads. ‘I’m fed up with marmalade’ was

the expression used. Monty: And so there should. Sarah said we were going to get peanut butter but I

haven't seen it. Used to be very fond of peanut butter.Harry: And who was it who took one look at the lunch menu and said they were going

down the pub for some proper food?Monty: Yes, yes, alright. You’ve never worried about, you know, making the odd

comment.Harry: Me? I love everything about this place.Monty: BollocksMary: Please, language.Monty: I only said oblocks.Mary: I heard what you said.Monty: Anyone seen Shirley this morning?Ruth: She’s been taken ill. Sounds like she might have had one of her turns.Harry: Poor old cow.Monty: I heard something last night.Ruth: You're near Shirley, aren’t you?Monty: Next door. Yes, some sort of commotion. Just after five. I'd got up for my

second pee so I know it was round then.Harry: You always pee to order then Monty?Monty: Yes, there was someone shouting and a lot of rattling of, I don’t know, bed

frames or something. I’m pretty sure Bridget was there and that big black girl from the night staff.

Barbara: She’s another, that black one. I can’t understand a word she says. I told Sarah about her, the way she hurts me. I’ve got her number. Send her back. Shouldn’t be allowed to be here at all the way they treat people. [Everyone ignores this outburst]

-6-

Harry: I suppose it can’t be too bad or they would have taken her to hospital. (3)

[Bridget enters, looks around to make sure everyone is alright. She moves close to chair 1]

Ruth: Fat lot of good that would do. Lay on a stretcher in A and E for hours and then some junior doctor gives you an aspirin and suggests you have an x-ray which takes another month to organise.

Mary: They’re so overworked in hospitals. Ruth: Ah, there you are, have you got my tablets?Bridget: They’re on the way. Sure and it’s good to see you down here at last, Elspeth. Elspeth: Ahhh - I feel awful.Mary: Are you alright, dear?Ruth: She looks a bit peaky.Bridget: She's fine, aren’t you dear? You give me one of your nice smiles, yes? Good

girl.Barbara: Nurse!Bridget: Hush now, Barbara. Be quiet.Barbara: They never listen. I need help. I'm dying. Help me, nurse.Ruth: God, she never gives up. For a dying woman she’s got plenty of lung power, I

will say that.Bridget: Dying! You’re as fit as a fiddle. [She moves over to chair 9] Dancing the jig,

you’ll be in no time. And how are you this fine morning, Florence?Florence: Bridget, may I have some toast?Bridget: Toast is it? You’ll be having your lunch soon.Elspeth: [makes coughing noise]Florence: I don’t like lunch. I like toast.Bridget: I‘ll have a private word with the chef. You can have toast for lunch, how’s

that?Harry: Yes, it takes a five star chef to make toast in this place.Elspeth: [makes coughing noise]Mary: How are you, dear?Elspeth: Awful. I think I might be sick [makes retching noise but is not sick]Barbara: I wish she wouldn’t make those horrible noises.Bridget: Now, now. Drink some water. [She brings over a glass and holds it for Elspeth

to sip] Better?Elspeth: I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. My head hurts all the time.Bridget: There goes my bleeper. Never a moment’s peace.Mary: I’ll help her [Takes the glass]Bridget: Thank you, Mary. I’d better go to the office. [She exits]

(4)Barbara: Nurse! Nurse!Harry: She’s gone out. Ruth: What's going on this morning? They come in, they dash out again. I need my

painkillers.Harry: I saw a couple of official looking types in reception. Might be one of those

inspections.Mary: They came just a few months ago, didn’t they?

-7-

Harry: Never can tell when they’ll be back. Could be wrong. Maybe they’re just another loving family sizing up the place before dumping their old mum here.

Monty: [Stands, walks over to “window”] Good, I think it's stopped raining.Harry: So what if it is. Going somewhere?Monty: Thought I might potter down to the shops. Stretch my legs.Harry: Fine, get us a packet of fags and a couple of bottles of whisky while you're

there.Monty: Then I might go to my house. See if everything is all right.Harry: Only problem with that, Monty, is that it was sold two years ago.Monty: What was?Harry: Never mind.

[Monty moves to the exit but stops as Chandni comes in] (5)Monty: Right, I’ll be off then. I don’t think I need my hat.Chandni: Where are you off to, young man? Going for one of your little wanders?Monty: I just thought I’d … take a stroll … maybe down to the shops.Chandni: Now you know that’s not a good idea. You got lost last time. You sit down. We

shall be doing the medicines soon. [She leads him back to his chair and he sits, not reluctantly. Chandni continues to talk to him quietly]

(6) [Douglas comes in. He has been here many times so exchanges a couple of

words and waves to some of the others as he walks over to Florence, moving chair 11 to be beside her and sitting in it]

Douglas: [Speaking very loudly] How’s my old mum then? How are you, my darling?Florence: Hello Douglas. It’s so good to see you.Douglas: I can’t stay long. Just popped in. I’ve got to get up to Banbury for a meeting.

Kids send their love, oh and Aunt Doreen, she phoned last night. Her new kitchen’s nearly finished.

Florence: Lovely dear, lovely, so nice to see you. How is Alexandra?Douglas: She’s, erm, she’s fine. I suppose. Anyway, Mum, you’re looking good today.

Had a big breakfast? Eat up all your porridge?Florence: [Not hearing properly] Yes, I see.Douglas: [Loudly] Porridge! Did you eat your porridge?Florence: I did my best. It was a bit lumpy. I like that tie, Douglas. She bought that, didn’t

she?Douglas: What … yeah, I dunno, what does it matter. I always put on the first thing I

see, you know me. Barbara: That’s a lot of noise. Shut up over there.Douglas: Oh God, she’s off. No, I won’t shut up, I’m talking to my mum, alright?Barbara: Nurse! Chandni: Yes, Barbara?Barbara: I need to go to the loo.Chandni: Really?Barbara: Yes. I do. Chandni: Very well. Come on.Barbara: Careful. Ow, you pulled me. You clumsy sod.Ruth: Don’t hurry back, dear. Take your time.

-8-

[Chandni helps Barbara out] (7)Douglas: I suppose we might get a bit of peace now. So, erm, how are you today?Florence: About the same, I suppose. Never mind me. Tell me about the children.Douglas: Jill’s been playing up a bit. Doesn’t want to go to school. It’ll blow over. Oh,

that reminds me, got some new videos here. Look. [He gets out his phone and shows her ]

Florence: Be a love, see where my glasses are. Douglas: They should be in here – where the hell are they this time? [Rummages in her

bag]Harry: Fish for lunch.Mary: Yes.Harry: I never liked it much. But what can you do?Douglas: There’s nothing in here. I’ll look in your room.Florence: What about the moon?Douglas: In your room! Bloody hell, I bet she’s lost her hearing aids as well [exits]

(8)[Pause]

Monty: Who’s for the luncheon club today? I thought I might stroll down there.Ruth: Not today. Monday. And we go in the minibus.Monty: Oh? I thought it … oh. Yes, I see.Harry: You’ll have to stay here, old boy. If it’s good enough for you.Monty: No, I think I will have to be going. I’ve got some people to see in the High

Road. [He tries to stand, looks around confusedly and sits again]Mary: How are you now, Elspeth? You’ve been quiet. Elspeth: Terrible. Mary: Do you want me to call someone? [She doesn’t respond] That’s it dear, close

your eyes and have a little doze.Ruth: Leave her be, she’s still getting used to the shock of being here.Mary: You were never like that. The first day here you looked round and said

something like “What a shower” and sat there and made yourself at home.Ruth: I saw it all coming. After my second fall I said to myself you’ve got to sort it

out, girl. Can't go on living alone. Course, my kids had been saying it for years.(9)

[Bridget and Marta enter with medicines]Bridget: Here we are at last. The cavalry has arrived. Let’s sort ourselves out.

[They sit down in chairs 1 and 2]Ruth: Thought you’d given up on us.Marta: We do not forget you, Ruth. Is it bad today?Ruth: Really hurts all up here. Mary: Didn’t you have it x-rayed the other day?Ruth: A hour out there waiting for the ambulance, two hours waiting, half an hour to

get back, hurt worse than ever after all that. Harry: Was anything broken?Ruth: No. They didn’t find anything. Bloody waste of time. Marta: Here you are Ruth, two fifty milligrams.Ruth: I need more than that today

-9-

Marta: This is what doctor said. I cannot change it but you can have two more in four hours.

Bridget: Monty? I have two of these little fellers and one dirty great capsule for you.Monty: I’ll be going out soon. [Looks at his wrist] Funny, thought I put my watch on.

No, come to think of it, I didn’t see it this morning. Where did I leave it?Bridget: We’ll find it later. Come on, be a good boy, you take these and then sit quietly

while they do you some good.[Bridget and Marta continue to go round dispensing pills and talking while, at the entrance, Clive and Brenda come in, uncertainly]

(10)Brenda: Hello. We’re looking for Elspeth. Is she …?Marta: Here she is. Elspeth, you have visitors. Elspeth? Brenda: Oh dear, is she asleep? We don’t want to disturb herMarta: She is just resting. Visitors are good. You can sit here, look. We go over there. Clive: Thanks very much.

[Marta and Bridget vacate chairs 1 and 2 which Clive and Brenda move around Elspeth. Marta and Bridget move their stuff to chair 9 and Marta drags over chair 12.]

Brenda: Is she asleep?Marta: No, she has her eyes closed. Elspeth – you have visitors.Elspeth: Umm … who … [makes coughing noise]Brenda: Is she alright?Marta: She is ok. She may say she going to be sick, but is not sick. Some water will

help.Clive: I’ll get some. [Brings over a glass and gives it to Elspeth who sips slowly] Marta: Thank you. Say hello to your visitors, Elspeth. Brenda: There you are. They weren’t sure where you’d gone. Hello, Elspeth.Clive: Hello. We thought we’d surprise you.Elspeth: You’re … you’re from next door.Brenda: That’s right dear. We saw your daughter the other day, she said you were here

and we thought right, next time we’re passing, we’ll drop in. Clive: And today was the next time.Brenda: How are you settling in Elspeth? It looks a lovely place. Loads of activities going

on.Ruth: If you like ham-fisted pianists on a piano that needs tuning…Clive: Oh yes, I suppose it must be, well, difficult to find people to … who would

come to, er…Brenda: We’re Elspeth’s neighbours. We live next door. Well, lived next door I suppose.

Such a shame about Stanley.Elspeth: He just fell down. I tried to pick him up. I couldn’t shift him. He turned his head

and his face was all twisted. I called an ambulance but they couldn’t do anything.

Clive: Oh dear, we didn’t mean …Brenda: He went quickly, Elspeth, there was nothing you could have done. He wasn’t

well.Elspeth: He tried to whisper. I didn’t know what he was saying. I didn’t know what to

do. Married fifty years. How could he go like that?

-10-

[Lynette wanders back in and sits in chair 7](11)Clive: We were all shocked when we heard.Elspeth: How could he go like that?Ruth: Oww – my bloody hip. Brenda: Are you alright?Ruth: Bloody awful but thanks for asking anyway.Lynette: I’m Lynette. My daughter comes today.Clive: Um, yes, hi. I’m Clive, this is Brenda.Lynette: Have you seen my daughter? She may be held up. The traffic is so bad. She’s a

wonderful driver but sometimes the traffic is so bad.Clive: No, I don’t think …Ruth: Give over Lynette, how could they know your daughter, they’ve only just come

today.Lynette: I just thought … nothing … it doesn’t matter. She’ll come soon. [She looks away

and watches Marta who puts chair 12 back as she and Bridget finish off writing up their notes].

Ruth: She’s a bit … you know.Brenda: I understand. Anyway, are you comfortable here Elspeth? The Close isn’t the

same without you, you know.Elspeth: They feed me. They help me dress and they put me to bed. I don’t know what

else there is. I don’t want to be here.Clive: Your daughter said she’d chosen this home specially…Elspeth: I want to be dead. Why can’t they just let me go? Clive: Oh come on, that’s not very … you’ve got to look on the positive side …

[Chandni brings Barbara back and seats her in chair 12] (12)Elspeth: My head hurts. I feel sick all the time, I miss my Stanley and I miss my sisters.

Why can’t I just go? I don’t need this, I don't need it …. Brenda: Oh dear, we’ve upset you. Oh, Elspeth my dear, we didn’t mean …Barbara: She’s not bawling her head off again, is she?Bridget: And aren’t you the cantankerous one today? Chandni: I shall take you back outside if you talk like thisBridget: [To Clive and Brenda] Take no notice. You behave yourself, Barbara, whatever

will these people think of you? Marta, I think we’ve finished?Marta: Yes. I still have Shirley’s pills here.Chandni: I’ll take them to her room. I need to change a dressing.

[Bridget, Marta and Chandni exit still chatting about Shirley](13)Elspeth: Is she coming today?Clive: Umm, is who coming?Elspeth: Madge. My daughter, Madge. You said you’d seen her? Is she here?Brenda: No, Elspeth, we saw her last week. I don’t know if she’s coming today.Elspeth: What’s happening with my house? I don’t know anything anymore. When am I

going home? I keep asking but they won’t tell me.Clive: I think it’s on the market [Brenda digs him] I mean, it’s still there Elspeth.

We’re all still there in the Close.

-11-

Elspeth: Not my Stanley. They buried him. Oh … [breaks down. Brenda comforts her awkwardly]

Clive: Oh dear, I hope we haven’t upset her. So hard to know what to say ….[Pause]

Ruth: I could really do with a coffee, get the taste of those horrible pills out of my mouth.

Mary: I suppose we’ll have lunch soon.Harry: I could do with a decent drink but my doctor won’t let me. Bloody stupid

really, if I had a few stiff ones and went out quickly and quietly, the NHS would save money.

Ruth: It’s not so easy though, is it? [Pause]

Clive: So – do you like it here, Elspeth?Elspeth: It’s awful. I don’t understand what happened. I want to be in my own home.

Why can’t I go home?Clive: It’s not possible.Elspeth: But why?Brenda: Because you were becoming unwell at home. You weren’t looking after

yourself. Your daughter thought you’d be so much better off here.Elspeth: I don’t remember that. I remember Madge bringing me here. But she never

really said why. She didn’t give me any choice. I mean … why can’t I be at home? Is she coming?

Brenda: We don’t know, Elspeth. She’s a busy woman. She comes when she can.Elspeth: Tell her I don’t like it here. I don’t want to be here.Brenda: Well dear, I’m sorry you’re not happy but – but you have to talk to her

yourself.Elspeth: She doesn’t listen. She doesn’t really care. She’s put me in a home and now

she can come and go as she pleases. After all we did for her. Stanley idolised her. [She begins weeping]

Clive: But surely she’s been living away from you for years …Brenda: She’s fantasising. Madge must be about our age, I should think.Clive: Maybe we should go. We’re just making her unhappy.Brenda: I doubt if anything we say will make any difference. Barbara: [shouting] Nurse! Where are you?Harry: Taking cover, I should think.

[Bridget enters with Douglas] (14)Douglas: So, as I was saying, I’ve got a load on at the moment. I may not be able to visit

that much in future, but I’m not even sure she remembers when I’ve been. I think Mum’s quite happy though

Bridget: Most days. She can be very quiet. Will your wife be visiting? I miss seeing her, she always has such a lovely smile.

Douglas: Um, no. Probably not. Not for a while. Thing is, it’s a bit difficult right now. I didn’t want to tell Mum. Don’t want her worrying. She liked that piano concert this morning, that’s a good sign. Perking her up.

Bridget: Yes.

-12-

Douglas: She’s a bit worried about her glasses. I had a look in her room earlier. Can’t see them anywhere. She likes to read her magazines, you know.

Bridget: We’ll look for them. You know, these old people, they put things down anywhere and forget. Sure, the number of times I find things on the floor or tangled up in the bedclothes. You have to have eyes in the back of your head.

Douglas: Mum usually puts everything in her bag. Oh, I think she might have nodded off. I’ll just sit with her for a little but I really need to get going soon. [He sits in chair 11, holds Florence’s hands for a while as she slowly nods off]

Barbara: Nurse! My tablets! Why don't you bring them, you lazy cow?Bridget: Yes, Barbara. I gave you your tablets a few minutes ago.Barbara: I want the others. The red ones.Bridget: You have had what the doctor prescribed and that is all that you’re having, so

it is.Barbara: Don’t you cheek me, you ugly cow. I’ll get you sacked, I will. You never listen,

never. [She turns her face away and stares out the window]Monty: Giving you a hard time today, Bridget.Bridget: She is not well. Sarah tells us, just ignore her. She shouts at me, she shouts at

Marta, all of us, whatever we do. Just washes over me. I can give as good as I get.

Monty: Maybe she should be on the second floor with the others.Bridget: If she gets worse. But we believe that it does her good being with you lovely

people.Ruth: Doesn’t do us much good.Brenda: Are you alright now, Elspeth? We probably should be running along. We just

thought we would pop in to say hello.Elspeth: Thank you, Brenda. Thank you, Clive. It was very good of you. I’m sure you’re

both very busy people.Clive: Actually we both have Fridays off and do the shopping so it’s no trouble.Elspeth: I do miss the Close. Stanley always used … he … [she weeps] He’s gone. He’s

left me and I don’t know what to do anymore. What should I do? Tell me.Clive: Well, nothing. I mean, you’re here and ….Bridget: Now, now Elspeth. You mustn’t get upset, dear. Clive: We didn’t mean … she does seem rather distressed. Should we go, do you

think?Bridget: They get like this. It’s not your fault, it’s just the way it is. We always

encourage visitors. All you all right there, Elspeth? Shall I show you the menu for lunch?

Elspeth: Lunch. Supper. There’s nothing to do except eat. What for? Why don’t you let me go to sleep and be with my Stanley?

Bridget: You’ll be with him when God is ready for you, my darling, not until then.Brenda: That’s one way of looking at it, I suppose.Bridget: It’s the only way. We cannot say when it will be our turn to go. Clive: I think we better go. We don’t want to upset her any moreBridget: She’ll be fine once she’s settled in. Come again, please, visitors are always

good.Brenda: Bye, Elspeth dear. Look after yourself. We’ll pop in again when we can.Clive: Goodbye Elspeth. I’m glad we could see you, er, settling in…

-13-

[Elspeth takes no notice as they stand up]Bridget: [Loudly to Elspeth] Your guests are going, Elspeth. Say goodbye. They came a

long way.Clive: Oh, it wasn’t that …Elspeth: Goodbye Brenda. Goodbye Clive. Thank you. Thank you so much.Clive: That’s a nice view of the back garden there.

[Clive and Brenda move over near to chair 9 to look out. Bridget sits in chair 1 and busies herself with medical paperwork]

Brenda: I didn’t know what to say when she started talking about being dead.Clive: Yes, one sort of agrees but you can’t say it, can you? Not to her. Got to keep

on encouraging her. [Mary comes over to them]Brenda: To do what? To just go on living? It’s horrible. She was in her own home just a

few weeks ago, in charge of her life. Now she just wants to die.Mary: It’s alright. She’s in denial. Some people take weeks to adjust to being in a

home anyway and to come here soon after her husband died, it’s a terrible strain. She’ll get used to it and then she’ll find reasons to be more accepting.

Brenda: Have you been here long?Mary: Four years. I used to live with my sister but she died and I found that I couldn’t

manage by myself any more. But I saw it coming so it wasn’t a shock. It’s the ones like Elspeth who suddenly find themselves here who can’t cope. We’ll look after her.

Brenda: I’m so glad. You are so kind.Mary: I’ve had my own troubles. In the past. It’s amazing how much difference a

smile and a friendly face makes. Brenda: Oh dear, did you lose your husband or something?Mary: No, I was never married. I had … there was a man but it all went wrong and I

never wanted to after that.Brenda: Ah, what a shame. I can’t believe there was no one else. You must have been

very pretty.Mary: I don’t like to talk about it. Not to people here. It’s much easier with a

stranger. I had a child. I had to give her away. I never really got over it.Brenda: My God. How dreadful.Mary: My fault and my shame. But a long time ago. I shouldn’t have burdened you

with it. Will you be coming again?Brenda: Yes. Of course we will. I hope we will see you next time. [Mary goes back to

her chair]Clive: Right. Umm, I suppose we ought to be going …

[Before Brenda and Clive can make their way out, Mr York comes in and approaches them]

(15)York: Sorry to disturb you, may I have a very quick word? My name is York, I’m with

the Care Quality Commission. We’re doing a routine spot check. Would you be able to spare just a moment?

Brenda: We were just going ….York: Just a few moments, I assure you. It’s terribly useful to have visitors’ opinions.

And we ask everyone so as to have a proper sample.Clive: But we’ve only just got here. This is our first visit.

-14-

York: No matter, no matter. Ah, there don’t seem to be enough chairs. Never mind, we can do this standing up. Good for the old heart. Now then, visitors’ questions schedule 21B, yes. Good old 21B. Now then, what do you think of the facilities here? On a scale of one to five where five is excellent and one is poor. Hmm?

Brenda: I don’t know, we haven’t seen much of them.York: That’s a three is it?Brenda: If you like, I mean, I don’t know how to assess ….York: And the professionalism of the staff? Same scale.Brenda: I’ve only met a couple, they seemed very nice.York: A four perhaps? Good, good. Do you think the home makes adequate

provision for visitors?Clive: What’s adequate? We’re seeing our old neighbour here. They showed us in

and we had a chat and now we’re going home.York: That sounds like a five to me. How do you rate the standard of nursing care?Brenda: This is ridiculous, we have no way of knowing. We’re new to this, we don’t

know the place.York: Oh dear, we have to put in something or the whole process is invalidated. All

these questions are processed on our computers, you know.Brenda: Well, I’m sure it’s fine. I mean there aren’t any dead bodies lying around in the

corridors are there?York: No, no. Or if there are, they keep them well away from me laughs. So, is that a

five? Maybe a four if you’re not totally sure ….Barbara: Tell him about the torture.Brenda: What?Ruth: Gawd, she’s off again. Duck, everyone.Barbara: Tell him how the nurses say one thing when you’re around but the moment

you turn your back – they get very nasty.Bridget: Barbara, this is nonsense. What are you saying?York: [To Barbara] Ah, I haven't completed the survey with this couple yet but I

suppose I could talk to you later …Barbara: Later? They’ll have worked on me. They’ll have put me away where nobody

can hear me. Harry: Bloody good thing if they did. Don't take any notice, she’s raving.Bridget: I think you should go in the library, Barbara, and stop disturbing these nice

people.Barbara: You see? Shouting They shut you up, they take you away. You don’t know

what goes on when all the visitors have gone, you don’t see the things they do to you in the night.

Bridget: Come on. Be a good girl now. [She tries to make Barbara get up. Marta comes in]

(16)Marta: What’s all the noise? I can hear you from outside.Bridget: She is saying horrible things.Barbara: [Pointing at Marta] Another one, she’s the one who broke my wrist.Marta: You fell in the garden. We all saw you.Barbara: Afterwards. You hate me. I know what you do, I know, I know ….

-15-

Marta and Bridget escort a subsiding Barbara out as York flounders onYork: Umm, maybe we should postpone the completion of this part of the survey …

let’s move on to the food, shall we?Clive: I think we better postpone it entirely. We have to be going. I’m sorry, but we

really do.York: Oh dear, I don't think I’ve ticked all the boxes at the front yet. And there’s still

section eight, frightfully important, they tell me.Brenda: Goodbye. Sorry. Maybe next time.Clive: Bye.

[Clive and Brenda exit and York moves to one writing up his notes](17)Ruth: Might get some peace and quiet now. Lynette: There’s been a death. That man didn’t see. They haven’t told anyone but I

know.Ruth: What?Lynette: The front room. The door is closed. They always close it when someone’s died.Harry: And who is it then, Lynette?Lynette: Shirley.Mary: Don’t be silly dear, Shirley had a fall and they’re looking after her in her room.Lynette: I went to her room. She wasn’t there. She must be in the front room. Waiting

for the undertakers.Monty: Probably in the loo. [Stands] I think I’ll wander down to the shops. Want

anything, Harry?[Harry shakes his head]

Lynette: No she wasn’t in the bathroom. I looked. So she must be dead. They’ll tell us later, at dinnertime. I won't be here because my daughter will be coming for me but they’ll tell you all then.

Monty: Right, then. I’ll be off. [He takes a few paces then stops] The shops are that way, aren’t they? Only … perhaps later. Yes, after lunch. Best time. [He returns to his chair]

Mary: Why did you go into Shirley’s bathroom, Lynette? That’s not very nice, not if she was using it.

Lynette: Oh … just to look. Mary: I see.

[York approaches Douglas]York: Hello, I’m with the Care Quality Commission and we’re doing a spot check. I’m

asking visitors for their impressions of the home. Do you have a few moments?Douglas: Put me down for threes all round. I’ve got to be going. I think my mum’s asleep

at last.York: Oh dear, I don’t think I can quite do that, I’m supposed to ask all the questions

so you can give me a considered opinion.Douglas: Yes, I heard what you were saying to them two. And I’ll say it again. This place

is OK, nothing special, nothing dreadful. Just somewhere for people to live out their last few days in a bit of peace. Alright? Lovely. [He exits, fumbling for his phone while York follows trying to ask a question or two]

(18)

-16-

[Pause]Harry: Seems to have gone quiet at last.Lynette: Is that my daughter?Harry: Where?Lynette: Outside … no … what day is it?

[Pause]Ruth: Ow. This bloody hip. Mary: Shall we do some embroidery?Ruth: You can. It’s too awkward for me. Florence: Nurse? Can I have some toast. Please. Harry: She’s off again.Mary: Poor dear, she was sleeping and now her son’s gone.

[Chandni enters] (19)Florence: Nurse? Is there any toast left?Chandni: Lunch soon, Florence.Florence: My son Douglas. I thought he was coming today. Did he leave a message?Chandni: He was here. He has only just left. He sat with you.Florence: I don’t remember. Really? He was here. Oh … oh yes, I think I do remember.

He’s so busy you know. I hardly ever see him these days.Chandni: He comes often, Florence. I’m sure he will be back soon.Florence: He is so good to me, such a good son.Chandni: Yes he is. [She moves over to Lynette] Lynette my darling, I have been with

Shirley. She was missing a ring. She knew she had left it in her bathroom. When I was in your room earlier, looking for your purse, I saw one in your drawer. So I went back and I show it to Shirley and it is hers.

Lynette: It’s my ring – isn’t it? I mean, I thought it was. I don't know how Shirley got it …Chandni: Also I find these – I don’t think this is your watch, it is a man’s watch. And a

pair of glasses. You do not wear glasses.Monty: That’s my watch. Lynette: Is it … I, don’t know how it got there. Someone must have put it there while I

was out.Monty: Glad to have that back.Chandni: Florence? Are these your glasses?Florence: Yes … oh thank you, I knew they would turn up. Ruth: Anything else that is where it shouldn’t be?Chandni: Shall we have a look in your room, Lynette? In case someone has put

something else there that shouldn’t be there? Yes? Come on, dear.Lynette: I don’t know who could be doing this, I’m sure. It’s very naughty of them.

[She lets Chandni lead her out, still protesting](20)Harry: The mystery of the missing watch. Feel better, Monty?Monty: Fully dressed now. What time is it? I think I might have a quick stroll down the

shops. [He makes as if to stand then subsides] Maybe later. When the sun’s out.

Mary: I knew she went around picking up things but I didn’t realise she was taking them to her room.

-17-

Ruth: I dunno if she knows she’s doing it. Harry: Wonder if her daughter will come? Perhaps someone should tell her mum’s a

klepto.Mary: That’s very unkind. She doesn’t realise. She needs help.Harry: Then they should put her on the second floor, stop her wandering round going

into other people’s rooms. My kids insisted I brought nothing valuable when I came in here and that was why.

Ruth: You’re lucky to have anything valuable left. I’ve flogged off all my good stuff. [Bridget enters with Barbara, leads her to chair 12]

(21)Bridget: Now you sit here quiet and it will be lunch soon.Barbara: You bloody cow. I’ll report you. They’ll send you back home.Bridget: [Laughing] I go home in two months anyway, so you say whatever you like.

[She goes round checking up] Elspeth? You alright, my darling? Mary: She’s been very quiet since her visitors left.Bridget: Perhaps she is tired. Elspeth … give me a smile, darlingElspeth: Take me up.Bridget: You want to get up?Elspeth: Take me up to the roof. Let me jump off.Bridget: No, we don’t say things like that.Ruth: We think ‘em but we don’t say ’em.Elspeth: I don’t need any of this. I can’t go on. Why don't you help me? Bridget: [Very gently] We can’t take you out to the roof, darling.Elspeth: Just shoot me then. Anything. Harry: Got your gun handy, Monty?Mary: Harry!Harry: We’ve all thought of it, haven't we? But you get to this point and you can’t

actually do it because you haven't got the means or the strength. Bridget: And it is very wicked and against God’s law. Harry: Yes, well, we won’t go into that one again.Mary: God does make it hard for us.Bridget: When God is ready, he will take us. We wait until then.Ruth: And wait, and wait. Monty: Right, I’m off down the shops. [Stands and moves steadily to exit] Lovely day.

Need the exercise. Can’t sit here all day doing nothing.Harry: Don’t forget my whisky.Monty: Two bottles. [Exits]Ruth: He’s not really going, is he? Harry: He won’t even make it to the front door.Bridget: And if he does, he can’t get out. We changed the exit code. Ruth: No, there’s no exit. Not until the last one. In the ambulance.

[Pause]Mary: It must be nearly lunch time.Florence: Nurse – is there any toast?

The End

-18-

-19-