Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then Be

Understood

What is the opposite of seeking first to understand?

“You’ve spent years learning to read and write and years learning how to speak. But what about listening?”• Stephen Covey

Consider…

• Is there anyone in your life who is a good listener?

• How do they listen?• What makes you think of them as

having this skill?

Becoming an Effective Listener

• Stop talking. • Don’t interrupt. • Ask questions.• Stay constructive.• Look, act, and be interested.• Seek first to understand, then be understood.• Be sensitive to the speaker’s feelings, and try

to appreciate their point of view.

Why is listening important for leaders?

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Listening & Leadership

Listening is a critical leadership skill. It:– Improves morale– Builds respect and trust– Fosters collaboration and learning– Helps to prevent and resolve conflict

Exercise: The Art of Listening

How we listen

Normally we listen “autobiographically”– Our own personal filters are on.– We are concerned with the impact of what is

being said on our own lives.– We fail to step into the shoes of the person

speaking.

Autobiographical responses

• Evaluate: agree or disagree• Probe: ask questions from your frame of

reference• Advise: give counsel and solutions based on

your experience• Interpret: explain motives and behaviors of

others based on your own motives and behaviors

Genuine listening means suspending memory, desire, and judgment—and for a few moments, at least, existing for the other person.

-- Michael P. Nichols

Degrees of Listening

Within One’s own Frame of Reference

Within the Other’s Frame of Reference

Attentive Listening

Empathic listening

Selective Listening

Pretend Listening

Ignoring

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Basic Empathic Listening Skills

• Rephrase content• Reflect feeling• Ask questions for

better understanding

Rephrase Content

• Maria: This project is driving me crazy. I don’t know if I’m going to get it finished before I go home for my sister’s wedding.

• Josephine: It sounds like you have some deadlines you are trying to meet.

Partner Activity• If no gloves are available, should health care workers

(HCW) still draw blood, manage deliveries, etc., i.e., without gloves?

• HCWs who test HIV-positive should not be allowed to work in the hospital.

• Women who are HIV-positive should not have children.• HCWs should be allowed to refuse to take care of HIV-

positive patients if they wish.• Pregnant patients should not have a choice about HIV

testing; it should be mandatory.

Reflect Feeling

• Maria: This project is driving me crazy. I don’t know if I’m going to get it finished before I go home for my sister’s wedding.

• Josephine: Maria, you sound a bit worried.

Mix both!

• Maria: This project is driving me crazy. I don’t know if I’m going to get it finished before I go home for my sister’s wedding.

• Josephine: Maria, you sound a bit worried about some deadlines you are trying to meet.

Ask Questions for Better Understanding

• You’re frustrated by your daughter’s lack of respect. Is that right? It seems like you’re pretty upset with Mario. Is that what’s bothering you? Anything else?

Group Activity

–SPEAKER: “One thing I know about myself as a leader is . . .”

–LISTENER: “Do you mean that . . .?”