HABITS–Knowledge–Skill–Desire

CHARACTER

•PARADIGMS–Paradigms of Self–Paradigms of Others–Paradigm Shifts

• Often caused by crisis• Experience most easily when we are open-minded and

willing to risk• We affect other people through the paradigms we hold of

them• Our paradigms may cause problems we blame on others

“If you’ll look closely, you’ll find that most of your problems (with relationships, self-image, attitude) are the result of a

messed-up paradigm or two.”

•THE MATURITY CONTINUUM– Dependence

– Independence

– Interdependence

DEPENDENCE

INDEPENDENCE

Private

Victory

Be Proactive

1

3

Put First Things First

3

2

Begin with the end in mind

2

Think Win-Win

4

Public

Victory

Seek first to understand then to be understood

5

Synergize

6

Shar

pen

the

Saw

7

INTERDEPENDENCE

•At the Center– What is your center?

PRINCIPLE CENTERED• Honesty, service, love,

hard work, respect, gratitude, moderation, fairness, integrity, loyalty responsibility

• No consistent sense of direction: security, guidance, wisdom, power

• What does it mean to be principle centered?

• What is the problem with fluctuating from center to center?

PRINCIPLE CENTERED

PRINCIPLESPRINCIPLES

parent

stuff

friendmoney

sports hobbies

self

boyfriendgirlfriend

work

school

Advantages to Being Principle-Centered

1) Stand apart from the emotion of the situation 2) Stand apart from factors that would act on you3) Evaluate the options instead (look at the balanced

whole)4) Not being acted upon (by other people or

circumstances)• You proactively determine best alternative• Make decision consciously and knowledgeably

5) Know decision is most effective because based on principles with predictable long-term results

6) Your choice contributes to your ultimate values in life

7) Because you are independent you can be effectively interdependent

Inside OutStarting With The Person In The Mirror

Private Victories

vs. Public Victories

DEPENDENCE

INDEPENDENCE

Private

Victory

Be Proactive

1

3

Put First Things First

3

2

Begin with the end in mind

2

Think Win-Win

4

Public

Victory

Seek first to understand then to be understood

5

Synergize

6

Shar

pen

the

Saw

7

INTERDEPENDENCE

CHARACTER ETHICWhat does it teach/What is it based on?

PERSONALITY ETHICWhat is it based on?

Primary & Secondary Greatness

• Personality vs. Character

“The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.”

What Makes Us Tick? Idea: People highly formed at birth

Hippocrates (370BC) Galen (190AD)

Idea: People born without predispositions Pavlov (Early 20th century)

Idea: People have single, basic motive Freud (Turn of century)

Idea: People different in essential ways Jung (1920)

Myers & Briggs (1962)

http://cbae.nmsu.edu/~dboje/teaching/490_psl/myers_1.gif

Myers-Briggs

Extraversion vs. IntroversionWhere do you prefer to focus your attention?

• Extraversion– Social– Wide expanse, freedom

from narrow concentration– External– Interaction– Multiplicity of relationships– Expenditure of energy– Interest in external

happenings

• Introversion– Territorial– Finds the notion of depth

attractive– Internal– Concentration– Limited relationships– Conservation of energy– Interest in internal

reactions

Sensing vs. IntuitionHow do you acquire information?

Sensing− Use senses − Realistic & Practical− Facts− Experience

Intuition− Big Picture− Imagination & Inspiration− Innovative− Future− Lives in anticipation

Thinking vs. FeelingHow do you make decisions?

Thinking− Objective/Analyze− Choices based on

logic− Argumentation− Impersonal basis of

choice

Feeling− Person-Centered Values− Choices based on

personal impact− Persuasive− Personal basis of choice

Judging vs. PerceivingHow do you orient toward the outer world?

Judging− Structured/Organized− Work Ethic− Make decisions/closure− Outcome oriented

Perceiving− Flexible/Spontaneous− Gather information− Keep options open− Process oriented

Do you prefer closure and the settling of things or do you prefer to keep options open and fluid?

The Social Mirror

• What is it?

• What’s the problem with it?

Determinism

• Genetic Determinism– Your grandparents did it to you

• Psychic Determinism– Your parents did it to you

• Environmental Determinism– Your environment is doing it to you

STIMULUS RESPONSE

WHAT CAN HAPPEN BETWEEN STIMULUS & RESPONSE?

PROACTIVE vs. REACTIVE

• Reactive– defined

• Proactive – defined – based on

“No one can hurt you without your consent.”

-Eleanor Roosevelt

“They cannot take away our self-respect if we don’t give it to them.”

-Gandhi

FREEDOM

TO

CHOOSE

Independent Will

ConscienceImagination

Self Awareness

RESPONSESTIMULUS

• There’s nothing I can do,

that’s just the way I am

• He makes me so mad

• I have to / I can’t / I must

• Let’s look at our alternatives,

I can choose a different approach

• I can control my own feelings

• I choose / I prefer / I will

1) Direct Control

• problems involving our own behavior

• problems solved by working on habits 1,2,3

2) Indirect Control

• problems involving other people’s behavior

• problems solved by changing our method of influence (habits 4,5,6)

3) No Control

• Problems we can do nothing about (ie our past)

• problems solved by changing the line on the bottom of our face (genuinely accept these problems and learn to live with them)

•I’ll be happy when I have my house paid off

•If only I had a teacher that wasn’t so demanding

•If only I had my high school diploma and could get out of this place

•If I could just have more time to get this done

•Be different

•Be more resourceful

•Be more diligent

•Be more creative

•Be more cooperative

• Take Initiative to make it happen

• Think about solutions and options

• Act

• Wait for something to happen to them

• Think about problems and barriers

• Are acted upon

1. Take responsibility for your life2. Have a “can-do” attitude

Elaine Maxwell

Chapter OneI walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I fall in.

I am lost…I am helpless.It isn’t my fault.

It Takes forever to find a way out.Chapter Two

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

I pretend I don’t see it.I fall in again.

I can’t believe I am in the same place.But, it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out..

Chapter ThreeI walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I see it is there.

I still fall in. It’s a habit.My eyes are open.I know where I am.

It is my fault. I get out immediatelyChapter Four

I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.Chapter Five

I walk down another street.

By

Portia Nelson

Reflection Questions

1. What things are wrong right now and what can you proactively do about them?

2. What new possibilities will graduating from Cathedral and moving onto something else bring you? (use your imagination)

3. In what areas of your life do you need to have a “can do” attitude

4. In what areas of your life do you need to take more responsibility? What can you proactively do to become more responsible in these areas?

5. Name 3 examples of where you should have hit the pause button this week, and why you should have hit it.

Based On

Imagination

– To start with a clear understanding of your destination

– All things are created twice

• First Creation • Second Creation

MENTALMeasure Twice

Cut Once

• PHYSICAL

College

MarriageChildren

Graduate from CHS

Graduate from CollegeCareer

Bad Choice ?????

Party Animal

• Mission Statements:– A philosophy or creed– Gives expression to:

• What you want to be (character)• What you want to do

(contributions and achievements)

– Includes the expression of your vision and values

– Becomes the criterion by which you measure everything else in your life

The Five Keys To Goal Setting1. Count the Cost2. Put It In Pen3. Just Do It4. Use Momentous Moments5. Rope Up

Based on Independent Will and Conscience

Habit 3 – is the personal fruit of…

Habits 1 and 2Habit 1 = you are the creator, you are in

chargeHabit 2 = the first creation (mental creation)Habit 3 = the second creation (physical

creation)

• You can’t become principle-centered without:– Awareness – Understanding– Vision and focus

Self-ManagementIndependent WillDiscipline

Urgent Not Urgent

Important

QUADRANT Icrises, pressing problems, deadline-driven projects

QUADRANT IIprevention, PC activities, relationship building, recognizing new opportunities, planning, recreation

Not important

QUADRANT IIIinterruptions, some calls, some mail, some reports, some meetings, popular activities

QUADRANT IVtrivia, busy work, some mail, some phone calls time wasters, pleasant activities

• Exam tomorrow• Late for school• Project due today• Flat tire

• Unimportant phone calls

• Interruptions• Other people’s small

problems• Peer pressure

• Too much TV• Endless phone calls• Time wasters• Parked on the couch

• Planning• Goal setting• Essay due in a week• Relationships• Relaxation

• Identify Big Rocks

• Block Out Time

• Schedule Misc.

• Identify your biggest time wasters

• Identify your biggest goals for the next five months

• Identify a fear that is holding you back from accomplishing any or all of your goals

• How much impact does peer pressure have on you