He Leadeth Me - WordPress.com · Web viewThis is the second edition. Redeemer is Faithful and True Personal Experiences of Melanie Feathers May 9, 2000-January 14, 2005 This notebook

My Redeemer is Faithful and True

Personal Experiences of Melanie FeathersMay 9, 2000-January 14, 2005


This notebook was originally written for the one that walks “among the trees.” (See October 6, 2000 entry)

-Melanie Feathers

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Table of ContentsTITLE PAGE

Dedication 2Dear Reader 4-17My Remembrance of my First Camp Meeting 18-26Dear Reader 27-33Go Ye into the World 34, 35A Psalm of Meditation 36Here I Raise my Ebenezer 37Dear Reader 38, 39Sister Deborah 40, 41Dear Reader 42Dear Sister Deborah 43Endure the Fiery Trials 44-47Dear Reader 48Dearest Deborah 49-51Dear Reader 52, 53Dearest One 54Dearest Love 55-58Inspired by The Songs of Solomon 59-60

A Tribute to Songs of Solomon 2:16, 10 59-60Dear Reader 61

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Dear ReaderDear ReaderMay 9, 2000

Dear Reader,

The sound of silence is throughout the house. Night time encloses the house in the city. A city full of crime and violence and murder. I doubt it not if the one of this three has already took place ever since the sun setted. What a terrible fact this sure is.

Well, it’s another night in the city of Sacramento, California. And with me—no sleepiness to speak of. For this cement filled box has sucked up all of my relaxation habits. I cannot let go; cannot relax.

And, furthermore, I have come to the conclusion that there’s nothing to do in these cities except for becoming more devilish day by day.

It only leaves a sigh in my heart for I want to get out. And I’m sadden by my state of being. What an ironic point of view.

Sincerely,Melanie Feathers

“Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again…”

- John 14:1-3

May 10, 2000

Dear Reader,

It’s that time of the day that I’ve come to the custom of disliking—morning. The sun shines too bright that my head pounds.

Every morning, it’s the same; runny nose, headache, fatigue, and my eyes are barely opened. You might as well say that I’m drunk. I feel like that’s the case. Woe is me, for I am dying. My health slowly fails me. My strength leaves me. I don’t want to die here—all alone.

Heat surrounds my face. I feel so ill in the morning. Every day, I dread for the morning to come. Self consciously, I stay up as late as I can—hoping to pass over the morning illness somehow. But it catches up with me in the end.


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“As for me, I will call upon God, and the LORD shall save me. Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice.”

- Psalms 55:16, 17

“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.”

- Proverbs 3:5

May 10, 2000

Dear Reader,

Praise be to God! Blessed be the name of the Lord—for he has done great things. He has shown mercy to thousands of those who should have been left lost in their sins. He has restored my soul. His love has clothed me. I have received warmth from his Word.

By faith, I believe that I’m going to be just fine.


“Praise ye the LORD, O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.”

- Psalms 106:1

May 12, 2000

Dear God,

Who can keep me from praising your name? No one, God. At least, I haven’t met them yet. Who can satisfy my every need besides you? No one, God. At least I haven’t met them yet.

Who sets the stars in the sky? Who made the birds fly? Who has clouds rise so high? It’s you, Lord. You have done all these things and more. I thank you so much and I’m sure—so sure—that the “them,” I will never meet!

Sincerely,

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Melanie Feathers

May 14, 2000

Dear Reader,

Now it’s evening. The day is over. Night has come. As I look back at the day, I wonder where it all went.

Time for rest but rest is no where to be found. It’s an ironic statement. What to do when in a situation as such?

Days seem to go by so quickly while nights turn into a crawl. But what a blessing it is to be alive—to laugh and remember those “special moments.” Other days go ever so slow that you can’t wait for it to be tomorrow. Tomorrow seems to never come.

As I sit here, I wonder on what God has planned for me—what road is it? Is it real far? Is it ever so long? I pray that whatever it is, I will continue to trust in the Lord with all my heart. For He shall direct my path.


“Teach me thy way, O LORD, and lead me in a plain path…”

- Psalms 27:11

“…we both labour and suffer reproach, because we trust in the living God…”

- I Timothy 4:10

May 15, 2000

Dear Reader,

I am physically surrounded by strangers. The situation overwhelms me but I’m relaxed. At least enough to write.

My brother is on my left—talking non-stop. I guess he’s bored. Across the way are my parents. They chat a little.

The food came and it also went real fast. The minestrone was delicious! I’ll take some more to go. Thank you, Lord, for the good food to eat. Who says that you need meat to have a good meal?

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As I wait to go, I think about my life so far. What a knock out into reality have I had in the past few weeks! The storm has been ruff but I’m going through it. There’s nothing else for me to do but continue forward. No going back—it’s impossible to do so. Of course I’m scared out of my mind! I’m in a thundercloud and no one seems to know what I’m going through. It’s a total conflict. Being a senior isn’t easy. Especially when you don’t know when you’re going to finish your credits. Such a stressing statement that is.

Well whatever happens, I will trust in God that he shall direct me. For he has brought me thus far. And there’s no turning back.


“Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.”

- Psalms 119:105

“They word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.”

- Psalms 119:11

“For ever, O LORD, thy word is settled in heaven.”

- Psalms 119:89

May 18, 2000

Dear Reader,

I miss being a Bible Worker. The thought runs ever so clearly on my mind day by day. Mowena and I would go on new territories where no one else had went to before. They were all complete strangers. To do a job as such means that you would have to trust in God and have faith that He would protect you.

Before Mowena, I had the priviledge to be Ashley Singh’s partner. She was my first partner. Later on, we adopted her Mom (her and her partner were having problems on communication). It was a great experience. At first, Ashley and I were very nervous but we both prayed for that nervousness to go away.

To my knowledge, none of the people that I went to get baptized or was really interested in coming out to the crusade (I think only one—who was really one of Mowena and her old partner’s people). None of them wanted Bible studies. But many just asked for prayer.

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Right now, I feel as though I’m being pulled, nay eve yanked, away from my loving Savior. The thing I miss doing is what I cannot do. The evil thing that is getting in the way is homework. In the end, I’m left with a head and heart ache. Even yet, stress.

The thought of going out and passing out literature again is sweet. But something is there—a wall that won’t let me through.

A figure stands by the door in the wall.“Next Step in Life is here,” says the figure to me. “May I help you?”“Hello,” I say. “I would like to continue on with my Bible Working experience.”“Will this be part time or full time?”“Part time.”“Age, please.”“Seventeen,” I say.“You’re still in high school?”I’m silent.“How many hours does it take for you to complete your homework?” I hear the figure

say.“I do my homework off and on—during the day,” I muttered.“Off and on!”“I’m doing independent school right now.”“Are you done with your homework?” the figure ask me. “Remember that education

is one of the basic things to have in order to move on in the Next Step in Life. What’s your name?”

“Melanie Feathers.”As the figure starts to type my name in the computer, I know for sure that I can tell

Bible working or passing out literature goodbye.“Your next appointment for independent studies is tomorrow at 10:45am,” the figure

stated. “Are you done with your homework?”I tense up.“No,” I whisper.“Finish your homework and then come back.” The figure looks behind me and yells,

“Next!”“But I’m never finished! The teacher will dump another load on me. Can’t I take the

work part time?”“Others may can but you get stressed out too easily. Go home and finish your

homework and just relax.”Just relax? My spiritual life is fading and he wants me to relax?“Aren’t you here to help?” I asked while the figure starts to help another person.

“Why don’t you ever help me? Am I wearing some weird sign?”The figure glares at me. “You were told to come back when your work is done.”“My homework? Is that the ‘work’?” I ask. “Tell me what the ‘work’ is—I don’t

understand.”Tears come to my eyes as everything gets blurry. And I don’t understand.

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Melanie Feathers

May 19, 2000

Dear Reader,

I cannot sleep and yet I feel so tired. No tears flow. Motionless. Nothing seems to come nor go. Downward, do I fall.

The alarm for help slowly shrinks to a sudden silent—noticing no one knew the sound ever existed. I have become silent. Communication among others have ended. More destroying do I do rather than help.

No encouragement can be given to ease the pain. No “I’m here for you” will do. It’s me and God and only us two. The more someone comes to strengthen me, that friend becomes distant—no wonder why. My issues always do scare them away. Or Satan comes and dumps extra burdens upon them—like they need any more on them in the first place—because they’re helping little me. If you want to be burdenless, don’t even try to become an associate with me. It’s too dangerous. Your life is more precious than that.

Loneliness sets in. It’s only God and me. Constant 24-7 communion with my Lord. Never once do I want to break that connection. He’s the only one I have. The only one that understands me. Even now.

Melanie Feathers

May 21, 2000

Dear Reader,

Now I know why I went through what I did. God is truly using me as a testimony to others. What I had once experienced is what many youth have been dealing with. It has nothing to do with peer pressure; no parent/family issues. It comes from an inner side statement. Not an off balance of any kind or a need of attention or value.

We do not fight against flesh or blood. When people come to realize this, if they ever do, more souls would be saved for the heavenly kingdom. It’s a straight fact. The devil is doing everything he can to stop the advancement of the Lord’s work in these last final days of earth’s history. He knows that his time is short. He is doing a masterpiece work that is so great the no one knows (only a few) that it’s his doings.

~ May 26, 2000 ~

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My heart is filled with great pain when I think about the youth. For many are dealing with familiar situations that I have encountered. Oh, innocent youth who has been taught the iniquities of their parents! Will you turn around and see all of the deceptions you have been brought up with? The hour draws nigh for the closing of earth’s history. Will you continue to be beguiled like Eve was? Or will you turn from your wicked ways and live?

Surrender your will today to God, your Maker, and He will teach you the ways you can go to help in the advancement of His work.

Divinity and humility connected together to sound out the final warnings to this corrupted world is a total blessing to bestow. May God help us all.


May 28, 2000

Dear Reader,

On the outside looking in, what do you see? From the inside looking out, I see the world. Then I turn to the looking glass; then I see me. What stories do these brown eyes hold? What mystery is there? Sadness seems to reflect and hurt is felt. The bluejay has sore her last flight.

About a month ago, this young lady had it. Taught to be depending on my parents, I choose to brake that habit. As a polar bear appears out of its winter cave, I’m also coming out.

My first destination was independent school. So timid was I and better yet determined to move off of the course of tradition. Actually, I was forced to do this trip on my own since both parents were at work during my appointment time.

To secure my traveling and to encourage myself, I wore my tan-ish suit jacket. It gave me a boost-ful spirit until the incident at the bus stop.

“You need twenty-five more cents,” the bus driver stated.I frozed. I near panicked.“It costs a dollar and fifty cents.”“It does!”Mama didn’t tell me that.“It’s been that way since the beginning of the year,”Of course, I didn’t know that since the last time I went on the RT by myself was

around October.“Oh…”“Step aside.”The conversation between the bus driver and I was a bit slippery and yet quick. Lord

only knows what order went where while we exchanged words.

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“I’ll let you on this time,” the bus driver said. Praise God! Amazing grace. “Just remember that the cost is a dollar and fifty cents.”

“Okay, I will. Thank you.”I praised God the rest of the day.Next destination was the mail box (that’s by Food Depot and WIC). Of course, Dad

said that he could mail my letters. Will they ever set me free?Walking there was no problem—left, right, left, right. Coming back, something else.

“Who placed the mail box so far?” I felt. Praise God that I have legs to carry me to and fro.After coming home (at least on my way home) from independent school, I stopped by

the key place near Food Depot to make some copies of “Something To Talk About.” The few men that were coming in and out greeted me, which made me feel a bit awkward. After a few seconds, I calmed down and got to work. When business was done and money was exchanged, I set homeward. Yes, it was a strange atmosphere but I got the copies.

Recently, after I had my appointment with my teacher, I dared myself to go to Albertsons—on the corner of Florin and Franklin. I needed a book of stamps before I ran out. The walk there (after crossing the two busy streets) was pretty mild, even though I would rather walk on a dusty road while in the country (dust instead of the smoke from cars would have been more pleasant to my nose).

In the store’s parking lot, every eye was on me. A girl with a backpack on her back—why isn’t she at school? The comfort of my student ID card (which was pinned on me at that time) aborted me as I stepped inside. I went in on the wrong side! After looking at the photo section for a while, I turned to see the “customer service” sign on the other side of the store. The shopping lines (including the registers) were in between. What unpleasant walk!

The adults seem to glare at such an innocent child as I. Me skipping school? No way! “If any one of you would like to make my ex-school give me all of my credits, try your best. I would love it if you could…”

Deep breath. “Can’t you see my ID card? Do you really believe that this little face would go against the law? If so, wouldn’t I have school mates also with me—besides me? When was the last time only one person ditched?”

When I made it to the customer service, who would have guessed that no one was there? How horrible. I felt like shrinking on the spot.

The burden on my back held me stationary for a while. Surely, I couldn’t hunt down someone in the store because of it. The thought of returning home without stamps held me there. No doubt, the people in the line saw my only attention to get something from customer service was evident now. Especially for the very curious customers.

Only one fellow approached me—asking me who was the head of the store. At first, I didn’t understand what he meant. Then, I realized it was a joke so I smiled. He got someone’s attention to get someone for customer service. Him and another lady stood in line. I paid for my stamps and I was on my way home feeling as if I had just fought with the most hideous beast and, along with someone else, we had conquered.


“Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.”

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- Romans 8:37

May 31, 2000

Dear Reader,

I praise God tonight for using such an unfit vessel to spread the tidings of the Lord’s soon return. I praise Him for keeping me thus far. I pray for those who do not know the truth—that one day they may know of the peace it brings. I pray for those who know of the truth—that they will hold fast in it.

I praise God for having me to be able to touch lives while my health tries to fail me. I pray that self will not get into the way of your precious work. I pray that you will calm my nerves.

I praise God for all those people in my life that planted the seed for the Holy Spirit to water it. To have it to grow. I pray that no one will come by and de-plow the seeds (young plants) from my mind. Let His Holy word guide me and lead me on.


June 2, 2000

Dear Reader,

When I look upon the day, I wonder “where did it all go?” First comes morning—glorious morning! The dew welcomes barefoot children as they run on the hill. Laughing and smiling. You can hear their heartbeats too. Now it’s afternoon—ever so soon. The clouds move over to give the sun more room. A great time to take a nap since the heat is evident here.

When evening comes, the rest of the day slowly creeps by. It’s all cherishing here. Somewhere this all happened. Too bad my eyes didn’t see it.


“Therefore did my heart rejoice, and my tongue was glad; moreover also my flesh shall rest in hope.”

- Acts 2:26

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June 5, 2000

Dear God,

I thank you, Lord, for all that you have done. I thank you , Lord, for given your only Son. From season to season and every summer’s end, I thank Jesus for dying for our sins. So that we may be partakers of the divine nature. So that we may have a chance to see our Maker. So that we may feel safe wherever God will have us roam. And by co-operating with him, soon enough we will be home.

Melanie Feathers

June 11, 2000

Dear Reader,

The scenes around me are familiar and yet so disturbing. Will this drought ever end? If I had wings, I would fly away. Sore high above—to the peaceful sky. What is a bird’s view of the world? Like an ant sees a penny—not so tiny at all.

The thought of staying and yet going surpasses me. Keeps me waiting and yet moving. Hoping and yet searching.

Conversing drags mow. No one’s there. If someone is, they won’t be there for long. Whoa is me? Will I forever bare the guilt? Why must close/best friends disappear? Do I bore them to death? A question that has no answer. Only one action: silence. There goes the wind.

If I had wings, I would fly away. Never to return.


“And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest.”

- Psalm 55:6

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June 12, 2000

Dear God,

Thank you so much for answering my prayers! For this is truly your paper—I’m just the instrument you are using in organizing such a beautiful work. My you continue to touch hearts and volunteers will come forth. May these papers reach those who cannot be reach in other ways (ex: they don’t go to church).

At first, I couldn’t see myself organizing such a paper. But with your help, all things are possible!

Melanie Feathers

July 7, 2000

Dear Reader,

Although I speak with the tongues of men and angels, and don’t have love then I’m just a clanging cymbal. Although I have the gift of prophecy, I am nothing without love. You see, not even faith that can move all mountains would be anything. And if I went out to feed the poor or give my body to be burned; without love, it profits me not. What love is this? Patience. Kindness. Envies not. Not vanity. And not prideful. This love thinks no evil. Not easily provoked. It never fails.


“And now abideth faith, hope, and charity—these three. But the greatest of these is charity.”

- I Corinthians 13:13

July 8, 2000

Dear God,

I just want to thank you for using such an unfit vessel as I am to tell those who are not aware that your second coming draws nigh. Yea, it’s even at the door.

When I think upon your loving kindness, it feels my heart with such joy. For your love is incomparable. I just thank you so much for sending your Son (only Son) to die for me.

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July 18, 2000

Dear God,

Just as I am, without one plea. But that Thy blood was shed for me. And that Thou bidd’st me come to Thee, O Lamb of God, I come. I come.

I come as a dirty human. Born with endless woe. Striving with all sin again. This, I fail to do. I get discouraged too. Until the sound of a loving voice reminds me that alone, I cannot do. Christ Jesus is the one that can do.

Melanie Feathers

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July 19, 2000

Dear Reader,

Over and over, like the mighty sea comes the love of Jesus rolling over me. He loves, yes I do know. Not just because the Bible tells me so. Out of experience, I do speak. His kept me alive from day to day. It’s a miracle that I’m writing to you now.

Days have come and trials fall. I cry almost every night, “Lord, let me sleep until your second coming.” But then I know that my work here is not yet done. I must continue to encourage people—through writings and everyday living. May my writings be a source of comfort-ness and strength during the time of need. May it be able to reach those who start to doubt. Let them be published. You have my permission.

When will my work on earth be done? This is not for me to say. Will it be done before Jesus comes back? Again, I do not know. But if He puts me to sleep, don’t be upset with Him. For He saw that I couldn’t go through the time of trouble. He said, “Sleep now, my child.” And I did.


July 23, 2000

Dear God,

My heart beats fast and now, I’m weak. Oh please, dear Lord, give me words to speak.

~ August 1, 2000 ~

Over there is a land that I adore. Where there’s laughter and sounds of gladness. The mountains are many—yea, they are everywhere. Beauty can be found in the single green object. The clouds appear lighter. Music plays in the distance while children frolic in the field.

At last! Where is my resting place? To see such a place makes my heart sore. And I cry secret tears for my beloved hiding place.

To grab it—tip top, tip! Almost had it. But yet, it flew before I came near. The lid is found but no goodness it’ll do—for the jar is empty. I must go to sleep to capture it again.

Will it be forever? Oh no, never! Only if I was there physically. God, I pray that your will be done! For it it’s not be so, then so be it.

For I won’t cry; no I will just live. And see. My resting place, my beloved hiding place, only in my dreams.

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Let your will be done. Amen.


“And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest.”- Psalms 55:6

August 2, 2000

Dear God,

Lord, I feel so roughly tormented—even though I might not be. After all I have experienced, by God’s grace, I’ll follow Thee. I’ll follow Thee, my precious Saviour. From the depths of the sea. That’s where you’re laid my repeating sins in. Lord, I pray, I’ll stick with Thee.

As I travel through my memory lane, I came to the point of crying. Ironically, both happy and sad tears. Where will my sorrow end? No, I’m not depress. I just have the need to run somewhere and, as a team, tell others about Jesus Christ. A missionary trip? That would be a delight! Nevertheless, I am on a missionary trip last time I checked. I just pray that God will continue to lead. Let thy will be done, Oh Lord!

~ August 3, 2000 ~

Three, two, one… scream! Why can’t this all be a dream? Rubbish upon rubbish—where is the light? I cannot see. I cannot stand this life of a sinner. For I see what I shouldn’t do but that do I. A slave that I am! Captive by habits and pleasures.

On the outside, I’m all smiles while on the inside, there’s a war. Self! I cannot stand! And yet, suicide is not the answer.

I attended a party with body-moving rhythmic songs. As high as I was, when I came back down, I desired for something. Another party will keep my mind occupied so that I can forget that I hate self. Blast up the music! Stick around people who feel the same way but never voice it. Life stinks, don’t you agree?

After playing around in the world, trying many things to “feel good,” one eventually becomes tired. Some lose their minds, others just keep pretending there is nothing wrong. Yea, some goes so far and kill themselves (a very selfish act indeed, while your emotions are killed, your love ones are stuck in grieve). But as for me, I want out!

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Almost losing my mind in the process—for a certain un-seen body wasn’t a happy camper (seeing one of his good soldiers join the rank of the other side)—I found the way out of this mess. The step forward seemed hard at first, for I felt a force trying to hold me back. When the force was rebuked, the chains of the slave master was cast down. And now, I feel free.


“Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness? But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you. Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness.”

- Romans 6:16-18

“For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Chris our Lord.”

- Romans 6:23

August 15, 2000

Dear Reader,

Time goes by ever so swiftly. Even now, I don’t know what to say or even what will happen in a few minutes.

Life has defiantly been an adventure for me. I doubt it not that things happen for a certain reason. For God has led me into people’s lives for His glory only.

Obstacles may come my way but I shall keep pressing on. Even when times are ruff—when light seems to dim—I shall trust in God.

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My Remembrance of my First Camp MeetingMy Remembrance of my First Camp Meeting

September 3, 2000

On September the 1st, Friday:

Leaving the house was an adventure in itself. It took us about two hours for us to pack and go. But the view on the way there to Mt. Hope was beautiful—even though it was cloudy. By the time we got there, it started to rain. The first familiar person I saw was Sister Kelly (a Brother was close by but it took me a while to make him out). She instructed my mom on where the dorms were.

Driving to the dorms reminded me of Sly Park—nice forest view along with manmade brown “buildings.” Inside the dorms, we ran into Sister Yates (we had her oldest daughter, Antasia, with us). She was taking a shower in the women’s restroom. She informed us where her tent was and that there was a space beside hers for our own tent. On the way to the tent community, I noticed that little chapel that we were to hold our meetings and have church at. My mom met up with Brother Gabriel—who was driving a van (Sister Deborah and Jan, I believe, was in there). Sister Pedro was in a car with Upuia and Ari (the Yates’s daughter). Since Gabriel was going to the tent site, Sister Pedro informed my mom to follow him.

When we got there, Antasia showed us her tent. There was room beside her’s but our tent was too big. We had to place it between the little single dorms called “Daniel” and “Joshua.” Brother Pedro came by and help set up the tent before it got too dark and started to rain hard. Placing the cots and our clothes and things in last, we hurried to the meeting. I have no idea what time it was. Only that it was cold and wet and dark. The color of yellow on the chairs looked bright from coming from the darkness of the night. The little church family was singing a rather happy tune that made me feel at home. The guest speaker, Pastor Daymon, was up in front. Then there was prayer.

Pastor Daymon spoke on the sanctuary and how the parts of the sanctuary—the furniture—symbolized Jesus Christ. Now I’m a bit upset with myself for not carrying my notebook to take notes. But I wrote what he said for the review part on Sabbath afternoon. Afterwards, it was time to go to bed. We al had to get up at 6:00am for early morning service (then breakfast fell afterwards).

The bathrooms were by the tent and ran cold water (the warm water wasn’t warm enough). Mom wanted to take a shower so she drove up to the entrance (to the dorm that Present Truth Ministries had—called Hope). Sister Yates told Antasia to take a shower also. Mom made Chris, who wanted to just get in the bed, come with her to brush his teeth and wipe up (he doesn’t like showers). I just traveled along and curled up my head in the bathroom.

While I was rolling up my hair , the Kellys’ little daughter (her name starts with a “V”) came in [Note: I couldn’t remember her name back then but it is Vania]. She asked me if the rollers were hot. Inside, I grinned since I knew that she thought my rollers were the heating ones (those used by non-color people’s hair). I could tell that she’s not use to color people’s hear.

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The night air was very cold—especially from coming from a hot dorm (they had the heater going). I was ready to fall out. Sleep came easy to me after I got settled into my sleeping bag. It was nice and warm. I would have slept all night if nature hadn’t called. A call I did not want to answer. For the bears might be right on my tracks as I ventured out in the dark to the bathroom. I cried and said, “Mama…”

She answered. She was awake.“I have to go to the bathroom.”“Then go.”I was very much so afraid, I explained to her. My situation didn’t seem to move her.“I have to get up early to help Sister Pedro with breakfast,” Mom stated. This was

true. I didn’t want to interfere with her sleep. She needed every last second.Reluctantly, I placed on my jacket and held tight to my flashlight. Shaking in my

shoes, I praised God that I made it half of the way and that the women’s bathroom was in my view from the tent. Going back wasn’t so bad since I was a bit lighter from my recent visit. I fell asleep trusting God for the rest of the night. That experience only reminded me of who is in charge of the protection business.

On September the 2nd, Saturday:

Viewing everything backwards seems a bit hazy and yet, I’ll try. The stillness of morning greeted my ears as I heard it the distance “Get up.” It was Brother Keys, the sweet man who put the Mt. Hope trip all together. He was determined to do everything on time—Praise God for dear Brother Keys!

As he began to get louder, I rolled out of bed, noticing that Mom was indeed gone. While making sure Antasia and Chris was awake, the coldness hit my once warm face. “It’s cold! It’s cold!” I declared in my mind.

“Wake up!” Brother Keys yelled as he marched onward. I waved at him so that he would know that our tent was stirring. No need for him to come all the way over yonder.

The walk to the bathroom was like the walk I took at 3:00am except it was brighter and less frightening. Making sure I kept warm was a must that morning. I was glad that I brought my brown-toned wool sweater. The morning drew on after medical evangelist John R. Cofer gave the early morning message.

It was breakfast time. Fitting with that morning’s topic, the food was simple and temperant. Granola, seeds (almonds, pumpkins, sunflowers, flaxseeds, etc.), raisins, strawberries, oranges, bananas, dates, etc. It was good and I was grateful.

Around the time I was done eating, Mom informed me that we had to start song service real soon. I had helped her this morning and now I was going to repeat my volunteering hand once more. This time with Sister Sophia Hightower—who sings soprano much better than I can.

It was a nice Sabbath service. Very unique. Brother Cofer did the Sabbath school (who found out that he was to speak instead of Pastor Ballou). The topic was on how we should eat a lot of non-cook food and why (ex: alive enzymes v. dead ones). Pastor Dayman spoke on the steps towards salvation, the step Margaret Davis presented in What Shall I Do To Inherit Eternal Life? (nothing but the Bible and the Spirit of Prophecy), for the 11 o’clock

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hour. He also gave his testimony on how he came to learn that being saved isn’t from a knowledge experience. It starts with the heart—not the mind.

Before going to lunch, I dropped off my Bible and picked up a few things at the tent. Chris came along also. The great outdoors were wonderful by then. The sun was coming out every once in a while. One the way to the eating place, I noticed that Jaime was tying his shoes. We both casually walked passed him. He ran and caught up with us.

“Hello,” I said to be polite.We exchanged a few words on how it’s been a nice day so far. There was no rain in

site. I felt as though heaven was smiling down at us right then and there.Lunch was great. The salad made me a bit worried that I might spend the rest of the

day with great agony. Salads always make my insides work overtime. The motion makes me ill. But I didn’t have that problem. Afterwards, it was time to relax. The time was about 2:00pm. We were spread everywhere—some on the open green while others at the nearby picnic area that was in front of the dining area. It was time to take pictures! Little Upuia wanted me to take a picture of her so bad. She made me laugh a lot there.

When Brother Keys gave Chris and me a mission, I was obliged to do so. Spreading the news that the nature walk would start at 3:30pm and a meeting will be held at 5:00pm, this took some time off of the fact there was nothing else to do but walk around or sleep. Sleepiness was getting my Mom but I was determined that it wouldn’t get me. For I didn’t want to miss one second of that blessed Sabbath day. The day I welcomed with open arms.

~ September 7, 2000 ~

Seeing Esther, Liz, and two other young ladies walk by the car never occurred to me at that moment that I would have “precious moments” with them.

“Esther, where are you guys going?” I asked her.“We’re taking a walk,” she answered.God answers prayers! I was looking for a way to stay awake. Starting a walk 30

minutes before the nature walk sounded good to me!“Want to come?”Did I have to answer that question? I was in such a hurry that I had forgotten to drop

my purse off (and book). The only thing I needed on that experience was my camera. I just thank God that I had the sense enough to bring (and wear) my white nylon jacket.

Curiosity can be a bad trait to have. Especially if it affects the ones that are around you. Dearst Esther loves to touch everything she sees. It just happened that on our nature walk in the woods, we came across a green ball that had some liquid substance in it.

Liz bent down, touched it, and jumped. We all jumped with her.“What is it?”“I just touched it and it’s soft,” Liz explained. “Look.”The green ball went down as I observed the peculiar little object.Esther tried to squeeze it. The liquid was mixed with bubbles. She squeezed it harder.

Then, it burst. Everyone bounced back but it was too late. And I got the effect of the matter—covered with greenish goo.

“Esther!” Liz exclaimed.“Oops,” Esther said.


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I wasn’t the only one who got sprayed. Dear Vine (I believe that’s her name) got a little splash on her shirt. She joked that she would have to go back wearing her black sweater quite awkward to cover the stain. Surprisingly, I took it rather well. I wasn’t angry. Just shocked.

“Her mama will probably say that she won’t let her daughter go out with those crazy girls anymore.” Liz said those similar words—not quoting from word to word. Liz seemed more upset than I was.

While we walked up the yellow-roped path, we girls noticed more colored balls. We came to a conclusion that they belonged to some game. A target game of some sort. For tin targets were placed on trees around the colored ground. I watched the four ladies pick them up and threw some at nearby trees—they would splatter (all except Esther’s). Others, they collected and placed in Liz’s sweat shirt.

Soon, we advanced to an opening. A camp fire—the remaining part of it—with four paths connecting to it. Esther found a faucet and washed the green stains off of my white nylon jacket. Picking a path to venture, we started to hear voices. Could it be Present Truth who started the nature walk already?

Hide! They have children with them!Turning around, we ran back towards the camp fire site. Which way, now? Liz picked

one and we all started running. Are the sounds of children coming towards us? Keep going!Giggling and “shh”-ing each other, we came across ruins of a playground equipment.

Soon afterwards, we were looking at the dorms. There was our dorm, Hope. Now what?“That was fun!” Esther said. It sure was.On the way back towards the chapel, I saw Ana Lisa in the distance. She had been

waiting for us girls to see if we wanted to go on the nature walk. I looked at Esther.“You want to?” Esther asked.I nodded. She had kids.“Let’s go!”Kids or no kids, we were determined to not be pulled back by them. We wanted an

experience. At least I did. And, by God’s grace, He granted me one.Walking through the “tent community,” Sister Yates saw me.“Baby, why do you have your purse?” Sister Yates voiced.Esther looked back and motioned me to walk faster.My purse? Oh, yes! I had forgotten to place it down. And we had just walked pass my

tent!“I took it before,” I quickly said.“Come on, Melanie,” Esther called.I shot off and ran with Esther. Vineta had a large walking stick that tempted to hit me

in the forehead more than once. Soon after we passed that obstacle, we caught up with the older group. As the older group turned, Esther, Liz, and I began to turn with them.

“You guys,” Ana Liza said to get our attention. Their group was going straight. Esther was trying to ditch the kids, I saw. I was just enjoying myself. So Vine and the other young lady from our pass five-some group went with Ana Liza and them. Liz, Esther, and I walked with the adults—trying to find another path. Some of the kids followed. It was a total mess! But on the way back, when the group had to turn around (we came across a dead end), us three girls shot off.

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“Wait for us!” one of the adults yelled in the distance. Were they yelling at us or the kids who tried to follow? Even my own brother was trying to venture with us. Running in the woods—what an experience! Running down the steep hill and seeing Esther sitting on the top. What a view! I had to stop and take that shot. Laughing with glee, I ran up it.

When we got back to camp, Liz reminded us about the colored balls they collected. Ether took out some and threw them at the nearby cabin.

“Want to go on another walk?”“Sure!”Advancing between the chapel and the mess hall, we walked on the open green. Some

of the kids like the Hightowers’ youngest girl, Upuia, and Vineta caught up with us.“Hey, there goes some people over there.” They were walking along the street where

the cars passed.“Hey, wait for us!” Liz exclaimed while enforcing her voice by placing her hands

around her mouth. Suddenly, the earth made a sound of pounding. Legs were running. Obviously, those were guys. I’ve never seen anyone run so fast! As if they were running for their dear lives. We were only females with a few children!

“Oh, that’s wrong!” I said.“Shh!” the elders and other males who were by the picnic benches said.Oops… I thought. I didn’t mean to be so loud.Well, that guys were fare gone. We walked towards the street. Looking back, we saw

the older group advancing.“Come on, Liz,” Esther said. “You don’t want to be in their group…” So, we took

another path and came across a place where two hay bales (I believe they were hay) were spread apart. In between them were the colored balls. Esther picked up a sign, naturally, that said “puppet show.” The kids who camp here must get a kick with those balls! More exploring the balls was present in the group. Even my brother began to investigate such a toy. Winding around on the mountain, we came across the Fiji ladies and the two gentlemen that were with them. Staying together until they came to the street for the cars, we advanced onward into the woods.

Once, we heard an owl.“What was that?” Esther said. She was the one in the lead.“It’s an owl,” I said casually. “Who-oo…”“There it goes again.”“That’s me,” I smiled.“Do it again,”“Who-oo.”Esther laughed.“Who-oo,” went the owl. I echoed.Everyone smiled.Upon our journey, we found the street again, turning back into the woods, we came

across the dorms. There was Ana Liza’s group! Sister Stucky was with them.Seeing that it was close to 5:00pm, I said bye to the little group. Both groups came

together to go on the opposite side of the street.“You’re leaving?” Esther asked.

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“Yeah,” I answered. I was tired and I needed to change my top. Esther handed me my jacket and book. I heard singing as I saw four people coming down the road. It was the ttwo Fiji ladies and gentlemen. I walked back to camp with them—hearing the songs of Zion.

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After a quick change, Mom and I went to do song service. Pastor Ballou made an announcement to those who were in the chapel, around 5:10, that we were to scatter around the camp area and read Matthew 26-28. We were to come back at 5:45 and give a testimony of the new thing(s) God had revealed to us. It sounded quite simple. I just found a nice spot about ten minutes later. Wondering around, I was able to tell others what we were doing. And then, at last, I parked myself underneath the tree that is beside the picnic benches (the tree had a small bench underneath it).

What a sight I must have been. A young lady with her Bible open as she is sitting underneath a shadow of a tree. A nice picture to sketch! A sight to behold.

When it was 5:45, I caught sight of Mom. She was walking to the chapel. I sighed and closed my Bible. Nothing new came to my mind. A little disappointed, I got up and went to the backside of the chapel. I looked back and saw a young man smile. And then, I knew.

While I was sitting close to the front, I heard Mom’s voice and then Brother Cofer’s. Turning back, I saw him grin. Cofer was with the guys that ran away from Liz and us. Later on, when I went to the tent to change my shirt, I found out that they ran away from other people—including the little ones. How wrong!

The subject was “The Day of Atonement.” Pastor Dayman—the guest speaker—spoke. He showed how the day starts before Jesus Christ comes (not right when he comes; Revelation 22:11, 12). This topic was discussed after supper time. Going in order is pretty hard at this moment. Please bear with me.

Mom and I (Deborah on the piano) sang a few songs while waiting for others to come into the chapel. Slowly, they came. Pastor Ballou came in the front—a cue for us to do an “opening song.” When Pastor Ballou had the microphone, he announced that it was time to share with the congregation what God had shared with us as we read the given chapters in Matthew.

Sister Ballou mentioned how it hurt her heart to read what Christ went through during his final hours on earth. Another person mentioned about the amounts of money that was used in the betrayal plot and somewhere else (don’t remember). A brother gave a deep testimony on some other statement but now, I do not know what it was.

The supper was basically dessert. There were plum cakes, some fruit, and plain popcorn (place nutritional flakes on it for a taste and a nutritional boost). It was rather interesting. Sitting by Esther and having Upuia across from me was an experience in itself. Sister Stucky, poor sister, had a handful with Upuia (she was on the right of the little energizer). Ari (the Yates little one) was across from Esther—along with Sister Stucky’s friend. Upuia kept trying to pick at Sister Stucky’s plate. Sister Stucky kept correcting her. I enjoyed the nutritional flakes while Esther didn’t. She hunted down the sea salt.

There was a loud commotion in the supper line. The mothers that were serving were a bit upset with the male folks. They had ran away from their children. And yet, how did Brother Jamie get passed it? It must be because he was the youngest?

“No, you can’t eat,” Sister Elena stated to Brother Aaron Baker.“Those that scared our poor children and left them to defend on their own, go in the

back of the line,” Sister Pedro said while placing some food on people’s plates.

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Much fussing was in the mess hall. And yet, it was in love. I remember Dominique’s face looking lost—as if they were about to take his plate away until Brother Key’s (who stayed around the camp—who didn’t go with the other men) stated, “He was with me.”

Slowly, the fussing died and everyone who wanted to be served was. Esther ran back for seconds.

“Esther,” her Mom called her. She went over to the table that was behind us. Sister Yates made a remark. Somewhat saying, “Whoa, girl. Are you that hungry?”

That little group laughed. I did too. Esther said her famous words “What? Whoops! Oh well…” and sat back down beside me.

“Do you want some, Melanie?”

After the sermon on “The Day of Atonement,” it was time to go to bed. Mom told me, right after she stood up from sitting in her chair, that Esther had left her Sabbath School lesion in her Bible. I volunteered to give it to Esther.

Finding her in the back, I returned the lost lesson into her hands. Brother Pedro tapped me afterwards and pointed to Brother Thomas. He just waved. How strange was that? Mom and Chris was behind me soon afterwards. We said goodbye to the Tuialuuluus (Esther’s family). They were going to drive back to Sacramento. They, along with Sister Elena, Sister Ana Lisa, and a few others, came to the camp for Sabbath worship.

Once again, Mom, Chris, and I traveled to the dorm (Hope) to brush our teeth and get ready for bed. This time, I took a nice warm shower. It was sure cold outside soon after. I made sure I bundled up myself. Praise God, I didn’t catch a cold! I had boosted my immune system before leaving home. Smart! Very smart!

The tent already felt like home. Too bad it would have to be taken down the next morning. People must have felt the same way I did—didn’t want to leave tomorrow—for a lot of them stayed up late.

“You guys are going to bed?” Jaime asked. “The party just started.” Anatasia, walking around with the Jacobs’s family, showed that she was fighting sleep also. There was a nice fire going right in front of the tent community. I had to go and check it out since people kept walking back and forth. The nosey trait. I get it naturally. Something I must learn to not always give into.

Dominique and I walked over there (after finding out that he could sleep in our tent—Anatasia was sleeping with the Jacobs). The fire was so warm. My eyes glanced on the reddish orange faces. I can only recall guys there—Brother Tracy Langston, Brother Aaron Baker, Brother Jaime Torres, Brother Thomas Lawson, and Brother Gabriel Duhon (I think)—along with a few kids.

Too tired, and also feeling a bit awkward (as if they were just talking about me—nothing bad, though), I turned around to my tent. Dominique went somewhere else. It was time for my evening devotion.

Later on, I heard Brother Dominique and Brother Tracy’s voice. They were talking about how Dominique choose to sleep with the family that he missed—the Feathers.

“Wow, they have a big tent…” Brother Langston said as his voice became close.“Hello, Brother Langston!” I voiced loud and clear. A pause. Were they gone? No,

the zipper on my Mom and my side opened. There was Brother Langston’s head.

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“Oh, you guys have cots,” he said.I nodded.“You all don’t share body heat then…” he added. “And you guys are all wearing

hats?“No…” I said. I had my scarf on my head because of my rollers. I just placed on other

layers because my head was cold. Mom didn’t have a hat on. He must have mistaken her head cap as one.

Knowing Brother Tracy, he said something funny and then his head disappeared. The zipper was zipped up once again. When Dominique finally came inside, I was done reading. The desire of taking pictures was great. A few laughs, a few pictures. Chris seems to always get tackled by Dominique somehow. And when all was said and done…

“Goodnight, you guys,” I said while turning off the light. “See you all in the morning.” All was dark in the tent. Coldness didn’t stop sleep coming over. After such a long day, it was a welcoming guest.


On September the 3rd, Sunday:

The day I dreaded and yet, I got up. Mom entered the tent and left. I heard her conversating with Brother Jaime—such a kind young gentleman is he! Soon afterwards, he greeted me as I opened the windows to the tent. The small of morning was ever so pleasant. Fresh air! Oh, how I miss it so. The desire of camping out in the mountains for another week was great. But at last, we must return home.

Placing my scarf around my neck, I emerged from the tent. Chris followed behind. The place looked sad—as if nature didn’t want us to go back into the city dwellings. Or was that how I felt? Pastor Dayman spoke about “The Judgment of the Living” that early morning. It was short and sweet.

The last breakfast was nourishing to the body and mind. Sitting down and eating with the saints—how I enjoyed it. Too bad I have a strange phobia when crowded in a tight area. But I love the company of the saints! It’s horrible! But I praise God that there will be no fear in heaven.

Sitting besides Chris, four Bible Workers (young men)—who worked over the summer—sat nearby. How I enjoyed their company! No “wasteful” talk was upon their lips. No guile found. Christ-like character was written upon their hearts. Ones that cannot be moved. I pray that they shall hold onto God—the Firm Foundation.

After done eating, there was nothing else to do but leave. The thought of leaving such a peaceful place crushed my soul. Please prolong the departure! Let us get snowed in. Impossible! There was no snow in sight. It was bright and sunny. God was surely smiling down upon us. And yet, I wanted to cry. Lord, “my resting place”! I have seen it physically. Not just in my dreams. Can I stay? Must I go back into the dreary city?

Yes. I’ve returned. I’ve cried but I know that I must stay here. At least, for now. As my heart yearns for country living, it is not for me to grasp at this moment in time. Remembering how I felt so close to God while running in the woods, gives me great joy. I wasn’t meant to live here. Why? To show where I stand.

My first time going to a camp meeting, I’ll always remember it. And cherish it. The smiles found on my brothers and sisters—how it watered my soul! I felt so free.

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But there’s a place that makes that camp ground look like nothing. A land that has streets of living gold! Where the grasses are blend with silver and gold. The trees bow down for you—no more ladders to pick fruit! And there is a Friend of friends in this city. He smiles at me. Me! Little old me! Why? So that I may have what he has. A place that is grander than any countryside on this earth. A place to call our own. A place that is warm and music is found everywhere. A place that we will call home.

May God’s grace be upon you. Stay faithful!

Sincerely,Melanie Joy Feathers

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Dear ReaderDear ReaderSeptember 22, 2000

Dear Reader,

This must be the work of the Holy Spirit. So where is my faith? Why do I doubt it? So many things I can say that God has shown me—even when I was in the world (and yet, I made the decision that I didn’t want to play with God). Chapters of myself are now closed upon me. And yet, God showed me some things that when it would come to pass, I would believe. He showed it to me so that I wouldn’t be afraid or shocked. That I would believe that He is God. So why am I fearful? How did Ellen G. White feel when God showed her things? God’s prophetess. I am not a prophetess. No, no! God only blinked a few things that I must go through—only to give Him glory.

I saw that Satan was angry. Like Job, he was given permission to inflict me. I was ill for a long time last year. The doctors couldn’t figure it out. Physically, I was fine. In good health. But I felt so weak and hot. My head would pound. God was testing my faith. And I trusted in Him.

“She’s not sick, she’s pretending”—how many people said those similar words? Yea, words of encouragement came from two dear friends—James Singh and Dominique Johnson. Without them, would I have lost all hope?

God had warned me previously, that I would have to endure many trials. And those in the past were yet stepping stones! The event on “perceiving” a partner in my Christian walk will be a hard one. I must place all my trust in God. And yet, it will seem hard but quick. What does that mean? I don’t understand. I have a lot to learn in a short period of time.

The gift (oh, a sweet gift it is!) has been presented to me. But it’s not for me to have yet. I must be taught severed lessons before I can process it. I can see it! That gift is right before my eyes! What a teaser? No, only a reminder on what I can have if I heed the call.

“Will you heed the call?” Or will I be stubborn and not learn. Denying self is something that I must do. My heart pounds as I want to do right. I want that gift! And yet, to pertain it, myself must be tried. God must correct me.

How long will it take? It depends on me. I must make the choice—“yes” or “no,” “turn left” when badly, I want to “go right.”

For we are not evenly yoked. It would lead to destruction if we were to hasten the event. Seeing the gift makes me a bit sad. But, by God’s grace, I’m patient. For knowing that if I’m faithful, surely, it will come to pass!

Pray for me that I will be able to endure the trials. Let me be a virtuous woman. Lord, this was my first honest prayer from my heart. “Teach me how to be a virtuous woman.” That You may be glorified.

Lord, when shall He read of this letter? Must I give this notebook away? This was the reason for writing in it. To say goodbye to this notebook would be as losing a friend. The writings within shows how I have stretched out the faith. How I’ve come a long way. May it be a benefit to others who are struggling. For it has helped me a lot. I pray that you, dear reader, have come to know God more personally as you live daily for Him. I encourage you to write in a notebook also (you can write in this very one—if you like). Continue to encourage those that are around you. Be a light to others. Stay faithful!

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I pray that we all shall meet in the Kingdom. On the sea of glass.


September 25, 2000

Dear Reader,

I see that sounds of prophecy fulfilling. Every day. And His second coming is getting nearer every day. He is looking for a group of people that loves Him more than life. May I be in that number.

God is worthy to be praised! Events are coming up quick. I must learn and venture forward quickly. But it’s not for me to distinguish what will be in a matter of a few months.

“My child, you’re covered. Just take it one step at a time,” I hear Him say. One step—homework. Next step—job.

I woke up this morning—dwelling on the idea of a job. What job? God impressed me to pray on this area. Thinking about the whole that was in my pocket (how am I to get to M.E.E.T. Ministry?), my attention was turned to homework.

“Take one step at a time,”The phone rang. It was Carolyn from Sylvan Learning Center—where my Mom

tutors children. They are searching for someone to take the job as a puller. Their puller, April, is about to move on and do something else job wise. And what do you know? I need a job! Praise God!

Mr. Bulla (who was to work there before he was fired)—my ex teacher/substitute—was trying to get me a job there earlier. But they got something else worked out.

Others are also interested in the puller job. This means that I won’t have to work Monday – Friday (just Thursday and Tuesday, for example). I must pray that God will give me instructions and also that angels shall continue to be engaged in the subject of working at Sylvan. May God continue to lead you always.

Love,Melanie Feathers

October 5, 2000

Dear Reader,

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Many trials I am going through but yes, God is good. For the refiner’s fire has now become my soul’s desire. Purged and cleansed and purified. That the LORD may be glorified.

God’s glory. Hmm… I’ve been learning a lot on that subject. His glory is His character. But more than that! It can be found on Jesus’s face! (Psalms [chapter and verses was not written]) I think that is so cool!!! Praise God! By beholding Christ, we can be changed into his likeness. We can have his character.

To obtain his character on our own is impossible. For how can a dirty thing become clean on it’s own? It can’t be done!

But thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord, Jesus Christ! So therefore, I must continue to behold Christ. Though it may look ruff ahead, I must claim his promises. Whereby we must be saved.


October 6, 2000

Dear Reader,

My soul longs to know the correct path. For God has been constantly placing objects before my eyes—the ones that I must “go around” to continue onward on the straight and narrow path.

Oh LORD, God! It is hard to kick against the pricks! Nevertheless, which way is right? For one is here yea another is gone. This is surely a test that I don’t want to fail.

My heart, LORD! My heart! Sorrow befalls me. I am left with self guilt. For the things that I’m learning about now is something that I could have learned a while back if I wasn’t a dreamer. Where was my mind? Into the lust of the world.

You gave me a warning a while back to get ready. It was two years ago! Since you had clearly spoke to me way back then—before I even decided mentally to try You—I knew it was a serious warning. I was to start learning the basic skills of adulthood then (ex: cooking, cleaning, etc.). But, no! I was still in my dreaming state.

The gift you have shown me—the one that I may be a partner to—is totally a blessing. I won’t get it unless I work for it. But yet, it will not be my works. For my own works will amount up to nothing. The truth be told, I didn’t want the gift at first, I tried my best to alternate God’s words and the vision He gave to me. The quick picture that flashed through my head was surly a light skin. Even more vivid than that. Dark hair and eyes. Average look. Average height. Down to the nationality, He did reveal. Two attempts I did do to fit a certain someone to the description. And, yet, both were wrong.

But thanks be to God that He have shown to me who it is! Someone that, of course, I wasn’t attracted to by nature. For if I was, then that would have met trouble in the latter end. But then, I’m not sure. What is the picture that I was shown two years ago mean? Marriage?

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Or just so that I may pray on this subject when the topic comes up—and the person in the vision will be a part of it.

Truly, you have shown Your love towards me through it all. And now I must prayerfully consider the next step. Let your will be done.


October 11, 2000

Dear Reader,

Advancing ahead is no easy task. For surly, anxiety will catch up with me. I must stay on task—not worrying what lies over yonder.

Easier said than done. For the old man wants to take control. Nevertheless, he cannot. For h is dead! Relying on God is my way of living.

Being the only youth that came from the same mold—was in the same church (attended because of parent/parents) but when heard the present truth, became a SDA—still left isn’t easy (whether the youths went and doing God’s work somewhere else or they just gave up). No more mental, physical, and spiritual encouragement.

And yea, I’m not alone. For God will never leave me.

~ October 15, 2000 ~

All I can say is “Thank you, Jesus!” I am here! I have arrived safely to my destination. As promised, it wasn’t easy. Much trials came and went. Nevertheless, I am here! I’m here!

Yet, I cannot relax. For there is work to do. As promised, I must do my work.This will truly be an experience that I will not forget!


October 25, 2000

Dear Reader,

Where does the path lead to? What trials bestow me? Lord! I cannot do them! My righteousness is as dirty rags. Filthy rags!

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My will, I give it to God. May He guide me always.

I dislike this time of the year. Ignorantly, children participate in the devilish worship. It’s a tragedy! How can the same group of people “celebrate” American’s version of Halloween and then turn around and “celebrate” something totally opposite about two months later (Christmas). [But of course, from historical background, they are worshipping/celebrating the same ting]

It just baffles the mind. And yet, I also did the same until I did some serious studying.Maybe it takes a person to first be in such demonic practices until they understand

what it’s all about. And yet, afterwards, you halfway lose your mind or/and your life. Only by God’s grace, I’m still here. Should have been dealt a long time ago. For I know it was a wicked practice. But I played with fallen angels who promised me strength and wisdom (‘knowing good and evil”).

Oh! Whoa is I! For many times I am tempted. Thoughts of the pass flash through my head. None other than the great deceiver throws them in my mind. Impressing me to try just one “trick.” I remember Micah 7:19 and rebuke those thoughts.

I look to the cross. My sins have caused them Precious One to die—his blood was shed so that I might have life. I remember Calvary. Gethsemane. What all Jesus went through. Then I say “How can I go back? What is there to go back to? Sadness. Depression?”

So I look up and I smile. For God’s love is beyond compare and His mercy endures forever.


“He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt case all their sins into the depths of the sea.”

- Micah 7:19

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November 16, 2000

Dear Reader,

In times past, I’ve been left with the same feeling. Strange peace. Something that is foreign to me. For there’s always some kind of commotion going around on a regular basis. But now, quietness.

This morning, pleasant air. Stillness. A few birds every now and then. No dogs. Now this is beyond strange!

Aw! At last! I’m big myself—with God on my side. No one else (not that I’m tired of being around people). To meditate on how good the Lord has been in a total blessing to my soul.

Must I go back, Lord? No! I want to stay here! Nevertheless, there’s a time for everything. This time of peace has been a comfort to my soul.

It has sprouted up hope in where the rivers had once ran dry.Sincerely,

Melanie Feathers

November 21, 2000

Dear God,

You have truly shown mercy towards me. Great is Thy faithfulness! Morning by morning, new mercies I see. All I have needed, Thy hand hath provided. You have given me a reason to sing. As little as a sparrow, and yet I shall sing for you.

Let me never forget the times when you have come through in my life. The times when it seemed so dark and dreary, and yet I said “Lord, you promises!” I claimed those promises in Bible like your bread and water will be sure. While claiming those promises, I step out onto the mighty oceans of faith—daring to cross upon the other side.

If God be for us, who can be against us? We must continue to put our trust in you by living on a day to day basis. Constant battle with self is also a must.

I trust You, LORD, with my whole life. May my grasp upon You never be broken.


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Go Ye into the WorldGo Ye into the World

(18) “And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. (19) Go ye therefore, and 2 teach [2or, make disciples, or Christians of all nations] all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: (20)

Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even [emphasis added] unto the end of the world. Amen .” (Matthew 28:18-20)

Since verse 18 is true, verses 19 and 20 are also true.(7) “And thou shalt speak my words unto them, whether they will hear, or whether they will forbear: for they are [emphasis added] 4most rebellious [4Heb. stiff of forehead, and hard of heart].” (Ezekiel 2:7)

Go Ye Out to Preach Whether They Hear or Not (Ezekiel 2:7) — “Come when it may, the advent of Christ will surprise the false teachers who are who are saying, ‘Peace and safety’; ‘all things continue as they were from the beginning.’ Thus saith the word of Inspiration, ‘Sudden destruction cometh upon them.’ The day of God shall come as a snare upon all who dwell upon the face of the whole earth. It comes to them as a prowling thief. ‘If the goodman of the house had known in what watch the thief would come, he would have watched, and would not have suffered his house to be broken up.’ (Matthew 24:43) Habitual watching is our only safety. We must be ever ready, that that day may not overtake us as a thief.

“Let everyone who loves God consider that now while it is day is the time to work, not among the sheep already in the fold, but to go out in search of the lost and perishing ones. These need to have special help to bring them back to the fold. Now is the time for the careless to arouse from their slumber. Now is the time to entreat that souls shall not only hear the word of God, but without delay secure oil in their vessels with their lamps. That oil is the righteousness of Christ. It represents character, and character is not transferable. No man can secure it for another. Each must obtain for himself a character purified from every stain of sin.” (TM 233-234)

(24:46) “Blessed is [emphasis added] that servant, whom his lord when he cometh shall find so doing. (47) Verily I say unto you, that he shall make him ruler over all his goods. (48) But and if that evil servant shall say in his heart, My lord delayeth his coming; And shall begin to smite his [emphasis added] fellowservants, and to eat and drink with the drunken; (50) The lord of that servant shall come in a day when he looketh not for him [emphasis added], and in an hour that he is not aware of, (51) And shall 3 cut him asunder [3Or, cut him off], and appoint him [emphasis added] his portion with the hypocrites: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth. (25:1) Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom. (2) And five of them were wise, and five were [emphasis added] foolish. (3) They that were [emphasis added] foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them: (4) But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps. (5) While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept. (6) And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him. (7) Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps. (8) And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us your oil; for our lamps are 1 gone out [1Or, going out].” (Matthew 24:46-25:8)

The oil represents character => TM 234.

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(9) “ But the wise answered, saying, Not so; lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves.” (Matthew 25:9)

Sell self and buy Christ => Isaiah 55:1, 2; Revelation 3:18.(10) “And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went

in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut. (11) Afterwards came also the other virgins, saying, Lord, Lord, open to us. (12) But he answered and said, Verily I say unto you, I know you not. (13) Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh.” (Matthew 25:10-13)

The Wise Arouse From Sleep (Matthew 25:1-10) — “All who wait for the heavenly Bridegroom are represented in the parable as slumbering because their Lord delayed His coming; but the wise roused themselves at the message of His approach, and responded to the message, and their spiritual discernment was not all gone, and they sprang into line. As they took hold of the grace of Christ, their religious experience become vigorous and abundant, and their affections were set upon things above. They discerned where was the source of their supply, and appreciated the love that God had for them. They opened their hearts to receive the Holy Spirit, by which the love of God was shed abroad in their hearts. Their lights were trimmed and burning, and sent forth steady rays into the moral darkness of the world. They glorified God, because they had the oil of grace in their hearts, and did the very work that their Master did before them—went forth to seek and to save those who were lost.” (ST June 28, 1910)

“We are to be laborers together with the heavenly angels in presenting Jesus to the world. With almost impatient eagerness the angels wait for our co-operation; for man must be the channel to communicate with man. And when we give ourselves to Christ in wholehearted devotion, angels rejoice that they may speak through our voices to reveal God’s love.” (DA 297)

Translator’s notes and Ellen G. White comments from Study Bible, Academy Enterprises Inc., 1997

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A Psalm of MeditationA Psalm of Meditation

(1) “O God, thou art [emphasis added] my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee in a dry and 1 thirsty [1Heb. weary without water] land, where no water is; (2) To see thy power and thy glory, so as [emphasis added] I have seen thee in the sanctuary. (3) Because thy lovingkindness is [emphasis added] better than life, my lips shall praise thee. (4) Thus will I bless thee while I live: I will lift up my hands in thy name. (5) My soul shall be satisfied as with [emphasis added] 2 marrow [2 Heb. fatness] and fatness; and my mouth shall praise thee [emphasis added] with joyful lips: (6) When I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the night [emphasis added] watches. (7) Because thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice. (8) My soul followeth hard after thee: thy right hand upholdeth me. (9) But those that [emphasis added] seek my soul, to destroy it [emphasis added], shall go into the lower parts of the earth. (10) 3 They shall fall by [3 Heb. The shall make him run out like water by the hands of] the sword: they shall be a portion for foxes. (11) But the king shall rejoice in God; every one that sweareth by him shall glory: but the mouth of them that speak lies shall be stopped.” (Psalms 63)

Meditation Leads to Love and Fellowship (Psalms 63:5, 6; 104:34) — “Rest yourself wholly in the hands of Jesus. Contemplate His great love, and while you meditate upon His self-denial, His infinite sacrifice made in our behalf in order that we should believe in Him, your heart will be filled with holy joy, calm peace, and indescribable love. As we talk of Jesus, as we call upon Him in prayer, our confidence that He is our personal, loving Saviour will strengthen and His character will appear more and more lovely… We may enjoy rich feasts of love, and as we fully believe that we are His by adoption, we may have a foretaste of heaven. Wait upon the Lord in faith. The Lord draws out the soul in prayer, and gives us to feel His precious love. We have a nearness to Him, and can hold sweet communion with Him. We obtain distinct views of His tenderness and compassion, and our hearts are broken and melted with contemplation of the love that is given to us. We feel indeed an abiding Christ in the soul. We abide in Him, and feel at home with Jesus. The promises flow into the soul. Our peace is like a river, wave after wave of glory rolls into the heart, and indeed we sup with Jesus and He with us. We have a realizing sense of the love of God, and we rest in His love. No language can describe it, it is beyond knowledge. We are one with Christ, our life is hid with Christ in God. We have the assurance that when He who is our life shall appear, then shall we also appear with Him in glory. With strong confidence, we can call God our Father.” (Letter 52, 1894)

Translator’s notes and Ellen G. White comments from Study Bible, Academy Enterprises Inc., 1997

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Here I Raise My Ebenezer…Here I Raise My Ebenezer…

“Then Samuel took a stone, and set it between Mizpeh and Shen, and called the name of it Ebenezer, saying, Hitherto hath the LORD helped us.” (1 Samuel 7:12)

[Note verse two of Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing hymn]

“There are thousands of souls willing to work for the Master who have not had the privilege of hearing the true as some have heard it, but they have been faithful readers of the Word of God, and they will be blessed in their humble efforts to impart light to others. Let such ones keep a diary, and when the Lord gives them an interesting experience, let them write it down, as Samuel did when the armies of Israel won a victory over the Philistines. He set up a monument of thankfulness, saying, ‘Hitherto hath the Lord helped us.’ Brethren, where are the monuments by which you keep in view the love and goodness of God? Strive to keep fresh in your minds the help that the Lord has given you in your efforts to help others. Let not your actions show one trace of selfishness. Every tear that the Lord has helped you to wipe from sorrowful eyes, every fear that has been expelled, every mercy shown—trace a record of it in your diary. ‘As thy days, so shall thy strength be.’ ” (MS 62, 1905)

Ellen G. White comment from Study Bible, Academy Enterprises Inc., 1997

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Dear ReaderDear ReaderDecember 5, 2000

Dear Reader,

My “familiar-ness” with the boys has caused me to sin. It caused my relationship with God become cloudy. I could not even use one of the talents that He gave me to glorify God. I became void in that area. As if I wanted to express certain topics but no words would flow. I felt like a kindergartener once more. Trying to remember how to cross the “t’s” and dot the “i’s.”

And yet, God had warn me again and again on this one subject. But I wouldn’t listen “Don’t get so personal with him.” And every time, it’s a new “him.” And when I would not listen, (because of my prayers for God to remove whatever and whomever would wreck my relationship with God—and place those who would encourage me), He would personally remove them. And I would have a fit! Why? Because I never understood why this topic was so important.

“Remember that you are reserving yourself” …I have a problem with who I desire to hang around. I like the company of guys rather

than ladies. Guys just have interesting things to say—they aren’t worried about looks or something in that category. But then again, the girls that are in the world are the boring sister. Sit around and talk about nothing. Laugh/giggle at the ignorant remarks. Waste time by trying to “look good” for the brothers. I couldn’t stand it when I would find myself in those areas way back when. It saddens my heart to see this in girls all around. Sisters, don’t you understand how precious you are? How the devil was jealous when God formed you from Adam’s rib? The Devil wants to take such as jewel in God’s eyes and belittle it by making her naked and be/stay ignorant in modesty.

Those that are modest, guys love to be around. The more God shows me where I need to be temperate, the more I cry. Not because it hurts or that it meant that guys saw it and don’t like me (or any other thought related to that). But that God was so merciful towards me. Angels wept as I continued to be stubborn. And yet, God didn’t hit me on the head with it. He kept convicting me on the topic. With a small, still-like voice He spoke.

Letter writing. God knows that I had one bad experience when I wrote to a boy. Afterwards, all hell broke loose. For about two years, I became blind. Hypnotized. A terrible thing to look back on. About a few years later, this time God told me to write to another guy. A letter of encouragement this time. The last one, God told me not to write it (didn’t listen, even though I was shown what a circle I would have to go through to get back where I was—where I had fallen). This one, He told me to. He cautioned me to not get so close. I didn’t take heed. What is even worse, since the crusade was still going on (he was a Bible Worker; I was a Bible Worker), I got a chance to see him almost every day. Of course, the devil would be in my ear. I even warn the guy that the devil is making certain remarks. I warned him not to get so close. Why didn’t I listen to my own words? In the end, God told me, after I finished one letter, that it was my last letter. Days went by. I desired to write one more. This is how I know that even though I was the middle person in it, God was speaking to James. It was not my own words. Because when I wrote another letter, I sounded like a 3rd grader.

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God wasn’t in the idea of me writing to him anymore. I was trying to do something on my own. Without God, you can do nothing…

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Sister DeborahSister Deborah

Sister Deborah,

Has God ever given you a big wake up call before—leaving you saying “Oh! Okay, LORD! Now I see what you mean…” and He says “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all along.” The good thing about having God as a husband is that He never “hits you over the head” with anything. He kindly tells you to go left when you are still stubborn to go right. God is so good!

When I keep opening the book To Be A True Young Lady, it always open to the subject “Association With Boys” (I just opened it and again it happened!). For months, God has been telling me not to get so close with the guys. But I didn’t want to hear it. It was just yesterday when I understood that when I continued to be selfish, my talent of writing was numbed. I sounded like a third grader. When I finally admit it in the car (that I have a problem and I’m willing for God to change me in this area), I was able to write again in such indescribable language that just sounded as if I went through college.

You know, I have no idea why I am telling you all this. God just said write so I just wrote. Maybe you don’t know why either. Maybe you won’t know why until after I’m gone.

Hey, when you mentioned how you and your cousin has never been separated, that reminded me of my experience. My aunt decided to move to Washington about two and a half years ago (a few months before I was going into the eleventh grade). This meant that her two daughters had to go also. I was so upset with God! (This was when I almost decided to try God) I showed God that I was angry at Him by doing stupid things (in which I don’t remember). To draw to my conclusion, I finally asked God “Why did you take my cousins away from me?” He said “Remember that you want to learn more of me? How can you if you are always relying on them instead of me?”

I was quiet. I didn’t realize how much I depended on them for everything. I’m not saying that this is your case. It just humbles me when situations come and you don’t know why it happens. Yet, God always have the answer.

- Melanie Feathers

~ October 27, 1999 ~

God’s grace is so wonderful and merciful—it keeps us alive. It was His grace that stopped Him from consuming Adam. Even before Adam, His grace was shown with Lucifer. God could… “of” {sic} [have] destroyed Lucifer a long time ago. But He knew that we would obey Him out of fear instead of love.

Many of us including… “me” {sic} [myself], should… “of” {sic} [have] been consumed a long time ago. It’s by God’s grace (His amazing grace) that we are still here/ It’s by His love that He has given us a choice to do His will or not when we give God our heart to do His will, we have to deny ourselves.

The battle against self is a strong battle. A battle we need not to do it on our own. God wants to help us in this battle. Sadly, people try to do it on their own. How can an un-

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pure person become pure on their own strength? “The battle is the Lord’s” (1 Samuel 17:47). The battle is between God and Satan (Lucifer).

Satan is trying with all of his might to stop us from burying self. Self desires the works of the flesh (Galatians 5:19-21). When we surrender ourselves and do the will of God, we began to grow in Christ and develop the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22, 23).

The works of the flesh and the fruits of the Spirit are contrary to each other. God and Satan are contrary to each other. Satan comes to us by using the flesh and the works therein. God comes to us by the Holy Spirit in which He uses love, joy, peace, etc.

We have received grace from God (Romans 1:4, 5). Let us believe and have faith in His promises and His words.

“Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: by whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.” (Romans 5:1, 2)

- His Will… Not Mine, p. 1-6 [A missing notebook by Melanie Feathers]

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Dear ReaderDear ReaderDecember 23, 2000

Dear Reader,

God’s desire and our own desire are two different things. For His thoughts are not our thoughts. We may think one place is better for us while God sends us to another. For there are hidden chapters of our own lives that we know not of. God knows what is best. I am learning this concept more each day. For my desire is to go to M.E.E.T. (Missionary Education and Evangelistic Training) Ministry. But what is God’s desire?

The fact that the application that I once had to go to M.E.E.T. was given to another sister bothered me a bit. I gave my ticket to M.E.E.T. away! Am I to receive another? I have request for another and it has not come. The classes start in March. I have about two more months. Will I be able to get in?

Before I went to sleep last night, the thought that M.E.E.T. might not be the place God wants me to go. It’s funny how God says “Do you trust me?” before He comes by and conforms something or places me into a trial. I simply answer “Yea, I trust you…” And I have faith that He smiles. Last night, I told God that if he doesn’t want me to go to M.E.E.T., then send someone to tell me why I should consider someplace else. And I promised Him that I wouldn’t rebel. I will just believe that God is leading.

After church, God placed upon Brother O’Ray a burden on his heart. I can just believe that he said “Go tell my child that she needs to consider Hartland.”

God desires to come and reason with us all. Will we let him? Will we take heed to his counselor? Or will we try to take care of our ownselves.

My God bless us as we learn how to fully trust in Him.


Melanie: God; {sic} why didn’t you tell me that I was to consider Hartland Institute and not M.E.E.T. Ministry?

God: Because, where you were spiritually back then, you would have rejected it…

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Dear Sister DeborahDear Sister DeborahDecember 24, 2000

Dear Sister Deborah,

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). No matter what the trials are; no matter what problems arrive, we know that God has our best interest in the front. So why should we worry? Why should we mummer or complain? We are to rejoice when diverse temptations come.

Remember that our thoughts; neither are our ways His ways. Whenever it seems bad, we must learn to trust the Lord. Even when we don’t see the other side of the rainbow, we must have faith that, by beholding Christ, we will overcome.

It seems to me that the more I desire to go one way, God directs me another way. And because I cannot see the result of the way God is directing, it is a deep temptation to try to help God out a little bit. In the end, we just make one big tangle that God rather have us go a “round about” way of untangling it—so that we may learn our lesson. Nevertheless, if we trust in God and let Him refine us daily, we shall be victorious.

May God’s blessings be upon you always.

~ December 25, 2000 ~

When we pray for God to make us victorious, many of us are surprise when we are placed in such tempted situations. But we need not to be. This I am learning every moment while I’m still dwelling in Sacramento. First of all, God wants to show us where we are spiritually (ex: if we still have a bad temper) so that when the carnal man speaks, we shall hopefully say “Lord, I give you permission to take that bad spirit away!” That is the next important move—to surrender the will and have faith that God will do so. As we become faithful, we become hopeful.

- End of letter to Brother Baker

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Enduring The Fiery TrialEnduring The Fiery Trial

“The badge of Christianity is not an outward sign, not the wearing of a cross or a crown, but it is that which reveals the union of man with God. By the power of His grace manifested in the transformation of character the world is to be convinced that God has sent His Son as its Redeemer. No other influence that can surround the human soul has such power as the influence of an unselfish life. The strongest argument in favor of the gospel is a loving and loving and lovable Christian.

“To live such a life, to exert such an influence, costs at every step effort, self-sacrifice, discipline. It is because they do not understand this that many are so easily discouraged in the Christian life. Many who sincerely consecrate their lives to God’s service are surprised and disappointed to find themselves, as never before, confronted by obstacles and beset by trials and perplexities. They pray for Christlikeness of character, for a fitness for the Lord’s work, and they are placed in circumstances that seem to call forth all the evil of their nature. Faults are revealed of which they did not even suspect the existence. Like Israel of old they question, ‘If God is leading us, why do all these things come upon us?’

“It is because God is leading them that these things come upon them. Trials and obstacles are the Lord’s chosen methods of discipline and His appointed conditions of success. He who reads the hearts of men knows their characters better than they themselves know them. He sees that some have powers and susceptibilities which, rightly directed, might be used in the advancement of His work. In His providence He brings these persons into different positions and varied circumstances that they may discover in their character the defects which have been concealed from their own knowledge. He gives them opportunity to correct these defects and to fit themselves for His service. Often He permits the fires of affliction to assail them that they may be purified.

“The fact that we are called upon to endure trial shows that the Lord Jesus sees in us something precious which He desires to develop. If He saw in us nothing whereby He might glorify His name, He would not spend time in refining us. He does not cast worthless stones into His furnace. It is valuable ore that He refines. The blacksmith puts the iron and steel into the fire that he may know what manner of metal they are of and whether they can be fashioned for His work.

“The potter takes the clay and molds it according to his will. He kneads it and works it. He tears it apart and presses it together. He wets it and then dries it. He lets it lie for a while without touching it. When it is perfectly pliable, he continues the work of making of it a vessel. He forms it into shape and on the wheel trims and polishes it. He dries it in the sun and bakes it in the oven. Thus it becomes a vessel fit for use. So the great Master Worker desires to mold and fashion us. And as the clay is in the hands of the potter, so are we to be in His hands. We are not to try to do the work of the potter. Our part is to yield ourselves to be molded by the Master Worker.

“ ‘Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: but rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when His glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.’ 1 Peter 4:12, 13.

“In the full light of day, and in hearing of the music of other voices, the caged bird will not sing the song that his master seeks to teach him. He learns a snatch of this, a trill of

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that, but never a separate and entire melody. But the master covers the cage, and places it where the bird will listen to the one song he is to sing. In the dark, he tries again to sing that song until it is learned, and he breaks forth in perfect melody. Then the bird is brought forth, and ever after he can sing that song in the light. Thus God deals with His children. He has a song to teach us, and when we have learned it amid the shadows of affliction we can sing it ever afterward.”

- Help In Daily Living, p. 2-4

Dear Sister D.,

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). No matter what the trials are; no matter what problems arrive, we know that God has our best interest in the front. So why should we worry? Why should we mummer or complain? We are to rejoice when diverse temptations come.

Remember that our thoughts; neither are our ways His ways. Whenever it seems bad, we must learn to trust the Lord. Even when we don’t see the other side of the rainbow, we must have faith that, by beholding Christ, we will overcome.

It seems to me that the more I desire to go one way, God directs me another way. And because I cannot see the result of the way God is directing, it is a deep temptation to try to help God out a little bit. In the end, we just make one big tangle that God rather have us go a “round about” way of untangling it—so that we may learn our lesson. Nevertheless, if we trust in God and let Him refine us daily, we shall be victorious.

“Those who are finally victorious will have seasons of terrible perplexity and trial in their religious life; but they must not cast away their confidence, for this is a part of their discipline in the school of Christ, and it is essential in order that all dross may be purged away. The servant of God must endure with fortitude the attacks of the enemy, his grievous taunts, and must overcome the obstacles which Satan will place in his way.

“Satan will seek to discourage the followers of Christ, so that they may not pray or study the Scriptures, and he will throw his hateful shadow athwart the path to hide Jesus from the view, to shut away the vision of His love, and the glories of the heavenly inheritance. It is his delight to cause the children of God to go shrinkingly, tremblingly, and painfully along, under continual doubt. He seeks to make the pathway as sorrowful as possible; but if you keep looking up, not down at your difficulties, you will not faint in the way, you will soon see Jesus reaching His hand to help you, and you will only have to give Him your hand in simple confidence, and let Him lead you. As you become trustful, you will become hopeful.

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“When you rise in the morning, do you feel your helplessness, and your need of strength from God? and {sic} do you humbly, heartily make known your wants to your heavenly Father? If so, angels mark your prayers, and if these prayers have not gone forth out of feigned lips, when you are in danger of unconsciously doing wrong, and exerting an influence which will lead others to do wrong, your guardian angel will be by your side prompting you to a better course, choosing your words for you, and influencing your actions.

“Peace comes with dependence on divine power. As fast as the soul resolves to act in accordance with the light given, the Holy Spirit gives more light and strength. The grace of the Spirit is supplied to co-operate with the soul’s resolve, but it is not a substitute for the individual exercise of faith. Success in the Christian life depends upon the appropriation of the light that God has given. It is not an abundance of light and evidence that makes the soul free in Christ; it is the rising of the powers and the will and the energies of the soul to cry out sincerely, ‘Lord, I believe; help Thou mine unbelief.’

“I rejoice in the bright prospects of the future, and so may you. Be cheerful, and praise the Lord for His lovingkindness. That which you cannot understand, commit to Him. He loves you, and pities your every weakness. He ‘hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ.’ It would not satisfy the heart of the infinite One to give those who love His Son a lesser blessing than He gives His Son.

“Satan seeks to draw our minds away from the mighty Helper, to lead us to ponder over our degeneration of soul. But though Jesus sees the guilt of the past, He speaks pardon; and we should not dishonor Him by doubting His love. The feeling of guiltiness must be laid at the foot of the cross, or it will poison the springs of life. When Satan thrusts his threatening upon you, turn form them, and comfort your soul with the promises of God. The cloud may be dark in itself, but when filled with the light of heaven, it turns to the brightness of gold; for the glory of God rest upon it.

“God’s children are not to be subject to feelings and emotions. When they fluctuate between hope and fear, the heart of Christ is hurt; for He has given them unmistakenable evidence of His love. … He wants them to do the work He has given them; then their hearts will become in His hands as sacred harps, every chord of which will send forth praise and thanksgiving to the One sent by God to take away the sins of the world.

“Christ’s love for His children is as tender as it is strong. And it is stronger than death; for He died to purchase our salvation, and to make us one with Him, mystically and eternally one. So strong is His love that it controls all His powers, and employs the vast resources of heaven in doing His people good. It is without variableness or shadow of turning,—the same yesterday, today, and forever. Although sin has existed for ages, trying to counteract this love and obstruct its flowing earthward, it still flows in rich currents to those for who Christ died.”

- Messages to Young People, p. 63, 90, 109, 110 (Testimonies to Ministries, p. 518, 519)

The Pathway seems to dimly growFrom solidness to an indigo

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Everyday, I am learningIn place of a harden heart

There is a softer oneThis gift of love, you have given to me

May I learn from the trials that bestow meMay I strive to be the best I can be

May You always guide and protect meOn the Pathway that leads to glory

Keep me always in your careTeach me how to go anywhere

And tell others about you.

- Melanie FeathersInspired by Proverbs 4:18

JESUS, LOVER OF MY SOUL (Seventh-Day Adventist Hymnal #401)

Jesus, lover of my soul,Let me to Thy bossom fly

While the billow near me roll,While the tempest still is highHide me, O my Saviour hide!Till the storm of life is pastSafe into the haven guide,O receive my soul at last!

Other refuge have I none,Hangs my helpless soul on Thee

Leave, O leave me not alone!Still support and comfort me

All my trust on Thee is stayedAll my help from Thee I bring

Cover my defenseless headWith the shadow of Thy wing…

~ January 10, 2001 ~

May I always trust in Thee…

- Melanie Feathers

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Dear ReaderDear ReaderJanuary 13, 2001

Dear Reader,

During the time of peace, we are to learn a simple act—press together. By placing self aside, we are to be our brother’s keeper. When asked to do a simple task, many of us respond with the complaint that Cain uttered “Am I my brother’s keeper?” This should not be so! Because of this utterance, the church has become “defiled.” By pleasure seeking—building up business, homes, etc.—money that could have went to some spiritual good has been wasted. Those that seek for fresh manna have perished because of may professed Christians who laid their money out for self.

May we not be one of them. May we not look upon self and feel sorry for self. May we venture out, yea even start at home, and seek to help others—our brothers. As the brother’s keeper, may we be a light to their path. For he that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much.

May we remember the words “Press together.”


(See Testimonies to the Church Vol. 1, p. 113-115)

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Dearest DeborahDearest DeborahJanuary 20, 2001

Dearest Deborah,

God has truly shown mercy in my life and indeed He has shown mercy in yours. May we continue to press forward towards the mark—towards the place where He desires for us to be. For I myself was rebuked when I read the letter myself (along with *Testimony, Vol. 1, p. 113-115). It was a strange thing, when I wrote the letter, I knew not why the Lord had me to write it until you sat beside me last week during Sabbath school. God works in mysterious ways.

It is also strange for you to mention that you have received a vision but know not from whom. When I was yet still in the world, I received a vision—it followed a clear rebuke from God. After hearing His promptings, I had the nerve to laugh it off! And yet, I became quiet when shown a quick picture. Finally, after years of rebellion, I understood right then why God desired for me to quit playing around. Shortly afterwards, I got rid of my “love-sick” novels (even the ones that I wrote), poems, songs, etc. And ever since then, God has been preparing me (mentally, physically, and spiritually) for something big. I know not what.

The Lord had just reminded me of the times when I was at your house—I begged of God to make me understand the vision more fully. For the memory of it is very vivid and brief now. But the following morning (I believe it was during worship), through your testimony, the Lord stated for me to have faith and not to desire for an understanding. It just humbled me to see the way the Lord decided to answer my prayers. It may not be the answer(s) that we are looking for but who are we to reject it? And should we give up on God because of it? This should not be! For He knows our needs. He knows also, what we might think is good for us, will be hurtful instead.

Therefore, no matter how trying it may be, let us hold onto our faith for our Brethern. Let it not be unstable like water. But let it be such a firm foundation as the sea of glass.

May the Lord continue to guide you on the path of righteousness.

Your Sister,Melanie Feathers

*The following is from Testimony, Volume 1 by Ellen G. White (pages 113-115). The title for this section is “Thy Brother’s Keeper.”

November 20, 1855, while in prayer, the Spirit of the Lord came suddenly and powerfully upon me, and I was taken off in vision.

I saw that the Spirit of the Lord has been dying away from the church. The servants of the Lord have trusted too much to the strength of argument, and have not had that firm reliance upon God which they should have. I saw that the mere argument of the truth will not move souls to take a stand with the remnant; for the truth is unpopular. The servants of God must

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have the truth in the soul. Said the angel: “They must get it warm from glory, carry it in their bosoms, and pour it out in the warmth and earnestness of the soul to those that hear.” A few that are conscientious are ready to decide from the weight of evidence; but it is impossible to move many with a mere theory of the truth. There must be a power to attend the truth, a living testimony to move them.

I saw that the enemy is busy to destroy souls. Exaltation has come into the ranks; there must be more humility. There is too much of an independence of spirit indulged in among the messengers. This must be laid aside, and there must be a drawing together of the servants of God. There has been too much of a spirit to ask, “Am I my brother's keeper?” Said the angel: “Yea, thou art thy brother's keeper. Thou shouldest have a watchful care for thy brother, be interested for his welfare, and cherish a kind, loving spirit toward him. Press together, press together.” God designed that man should be openhearted and honest, without affectation, meek, humble, with simplicity. This is the principle of heaven; God ordered it so. But poor, frail man has sought out something different—to follow his own way, and carefully attend to his own self-interest.

I asked the angel why simplicity had been shut out from the church, and pride and exaltation had come in. I saw that this is the reason why we have almost been delivered into the hand of the enemy. Said the angel: “Look ye, and ye shall see that this feeling prevails: Am I my brother's keeper?” Again said the angel: “Thou art thy brother's keeper. Thy profession, thy faith, requires thee to deny thyself and sacrifice to God, or thou wilt be unworthy of eternal life; for it was purchased for thee dearly, even by the agony, the sufferings, and blood of the beloved Son of God.”

I saw that many in different places, East and West, were adding farm to farm, and land to land, and house to house, and they make the cause of God their excuse, saying they do this that they may help the cause. They shackle themselves so that they can be of but little benefit to the cause. Some buy a piece of land, and labor with all their might to pay for it. Their time is so occupied that they can spare but little time to pray, and serve God, and gain strength from Him to overcome their besetments. They are in debt, and when the cause needs their help they cannot assist; for they must get free from debt first. But as soon as they are free from debt they are farther from helping the cause than before; for they again involve themselves by adding to their property. They flatter themselves that this course is right, that they will use the avails in the cause, when they are actually laying up treasure here. They love the truth in word, but not in work.

They love the cause just as much as their works show. They love the world more and the cause of God less; the attraction to earth grows stronger and the attraction to heaven weaker.

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Their heart is with their treasure. By their example they say to those around them that they are intending to stay here, that this world is their home. Said the angel: “Thou art thy brother's keeper.”

Many have indulged in needless expense, merely to gratify the feelings, the taste, and the eye, when the cause needed the very means thus used, and when some of the servants of God were poorly clothed and were crippled in their labor for lack of means. Said the angel: “Their time to do will soon be past. Their works show that self is their idol, and to it they sacrifice.” Self must first be gratified; their feeling is: “Am I my brother's keeper?” Warning after warning many have received, but heeded not. Self is the main object, and to it everything must bow.

I saw that the church has nearly lost the spirit of self-denial and sacrifice; they make self and self-interest first, and then they do for the cause what they think they can as well as not. Such a sacrifice, I saw, is lame, and not accepted of God. All should be interested to do their utmost to advance the cause. I saw that those who have no property, but have strength of body, are accountable to God for their strength. They should be diligent in business and fervent in spirit; they should not leave those that have possessions to do all the sacrificing. I saw that they can sacrifice, and that it is their duty to do so, as well as those who have property. But often those that have no possessions do not realize that they can deny themselves in many ways, can lay out less upon their bodies, and to gratify their tastes and appetites, and find much to spare for the cause, and thus lay up a treasure in heaven. I saw that there is loveliness and beauty in the truth; but take away the power of God, and it is powerless.

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Dear Reader,

The hardest battle that ever was fought is truly the stern battle of self. Praise be to God that perfection of character is attainable by everyone who strives for it. It isn’t a rainbow experience—in like a child who runs towards the rainbow and can never grasp it. Perfection of character is the result of willing obedience to the truth as it is in Jesus. It is offered to fallen man through the righteousness of Christ.

~February 4, 2001~

Brother Tracy,

After pleading with God (for Him to not have me to write to you this morning) for about a half an hour, I have started to write. I do not want to “crowd” your mind with other things (since I know that the Lord has had you quite busy these last several days). That is why I wasn’t specific in the previous e-mail. I am preferring to the personal prayer request that I mentioned.

You see, it was rather strange for you to question me on Hartland last Wednesday evening. For I have been questioning God about when would He desire for me to go. Based upon an early personal experience, the Lord placed a heavenly desire on my childhood heart. And for years, I have held God to His promise. As the Israelites of old held on to the promise that was granted them. Nevertheless, as the Israelites once did, I rebelled. I sought after the pleasures of the world rather than the plan that God had for me. Every once in a while, I would hear a voice cry “Come home! Come home!” but I would never pay attention to it.

To make this story short, I shall bring it to the conclusion now. To go to Hartland now is to delay the promise (that the Lord gave to me when I was a child) being fulfilled. And yet to not go to Hartland now and wait for the promise to take place would be a rather awkward position. Unless it unfolds in a matter of months. This is what I meant in the previous e-mail when I mentioned that I cannot go back and it appears to me that I cannot go forward. Like Habakkuk, I have said “Lord, this makes no sense for you to use this to do that!”

I feel almost, like Habakkuk, that I’ve stump God—so to speak. Nevertheless, I know that I have been placed in this circumstance to test my trust in God. A similar experience that Abraham had in dealing with offering his son up for a sacrifice. Like me, he had to put a “Thus said the Lord” up against a “Thus said the Lord.”

Don’t doubt that I shall fall by the way side. No, no! By God’s grace, I shall continue to live day by day. These have been rather testing times for me. I have learned to trust God so much that I could write an interesting life story. And, when these days are over, I might do so (Lord willing). Please continue to keep me in your prayers. That I shall not try to “help God out” in any way. That, when the promise is fulfilled, it shall be God’s timing. May the Lord continue to bless you as you labor out in the field.

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Sincerely,Sister Melanie Feathers

February 17, 2001

Dear Reader,

I know not who you are. Where you are. If we have met. Nor if we haven’t. If we once knew each other when we were little. Nor if we are complete strangers. Nevertheless, I bid you blessings and God’s guidance wherever you are—near or far.

Let everything be to bring God the glory. Let us not try to “help” God out in any way. Let God bring us together in His timing. Not ours. And when God’s timing comes, may the Lord clearly show it to us. That we may be united so that, together with God, we shall reach the people around the world.

The Lord had told me to consider Hartland. So did I. Even though it was a tough one to do—four years of intense curriculum doesn’t sound appealing. I thought I was done with school! Nonetheless, if God desires for me to learn more in the medical field before the promise is fulfilled, then that I will do. If not, this shall be mighty interesting.

I pray that the Lord has you on your knees a lot for surely He is getting your heart ready (on this subject). May the Lord direct you on what route to take.

Therefore, if it be one year—if it be four—let it be God’s timing. For God’s timing is the best way to go.


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Dearest OneDearest OneSeptember 19, 2001

Dearest One,

I pray for you—even now. My dear beloved, in His time we will be together. Maybe not in this world but in the New Jerusalem. Therefore, I pray that we may stay faithful.

At times, I don’t understand our LORD’S timing. But I know that His timing is always best. May He keep you safe from harm. I know He will. For I have placed you in His hands. And if He doesn’t, my faith won’t waiver. For I know that God sees the whole picture.

While I sit alone—in total silence—I desire to be so close to my Saviour as possible. Don’t you? God manifest His love to His children in dozens of ways. One way (which is ever so intimate) is through marriage. When I try to visualize myself being married, it is a hard thing to grasp. Who would marry such a small little thing as I? Nevertheless, not my will, but let God’s will be done.

Time will only tell.I pray that your ministry is doing well. I do pray that we may meet soon! For if God

allows time to linger just a bit more, His promise to me will be fulfilled.I do desire to have that relationship! For it will only make the relationship that I have

with God only stronger.“How much longer must I wait, my LORD?” I ask. My lamb-like eyes wait patiently

for the signs to slowly point for your arrival. During my times of illness, my hand stretches out for a servant of Christ to hold it. No one is there. Angels come to comfort me. Instead of holding another, I grasp my pillow tight and wait for my illness to subside.

I write this not so that when you read it, you may cry. Cry not, my love. Praise God that I endured!

I knowest not where you are. But I know that you are alive. By God grace, I shall see you soon. The LORD has placed such a love for you within me. My dear friend, my dear brother, my love, continue to fight the good fight of faith.

Before I end this letter, I want to praise God for showing me you before I even knew that you exist! What love our LORD has for us! There are many other things I desire to share with you (for, by God’s grace, I have been reserving the best of my stories until I am able to share them with you) but I cannot share them now. They are reserved until another time.

Must I end this letter now? Oh, my dear brother, come soon, won’t you? LORD knows my heart. I desire to encourage you know but cannot. Until then, I shall learn my role of a pastor’s wife.

Dearest love, stay strong in the LORD always.

- Melanie Feathers

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Dearest LoveDearest LoveDecember 1, 2001

Dearest Love,

Words cannot express the thoughts that surpass my mind. Thoughts of peace and joy—yet timid and scared. I have prayed for thee for such a long time.

It’s true, love awakens love. I pray now, my beloved, that you are doing well. Stay strong in the LORD always. Keep your eyes on the Lamb.

As I was awakened real early this morning, my heart feels heavy. Is it anxiety? Is it fear? I do not know. One thing I do know is that God has completely melted my heart. It is more aware of the sensitiveness of humanity.

“Love awakens love”—I’ve read this phrase somewhere in Ellen G. White’s writings. I believe it is in Steps To Christ or The Desire of Ages. My desire is to please God.

“Without fait, it is impossible to please Him” (Hebrews 11:6). Darling, there is no one else that I can possibly see me wed to at this time. Nevertheless, I have to admit, doubt tries to settle into my mind. Why do I doubt? What more must God show to me? What more can He do? He has done so much!

My heart is aching. There is nothing else He can do. I have to trust fully in God. Have faith, and stay hopeful is what I need to do.

And I need to stop being so stubborn! But I’m afraid to love. I admit this as well. I am afraid to gain confidence of someone who may be one day here and the other day, gone. With Christ, He’s always around. Therefore, I rest my wholeness upon Him.

I long to share God’s love with others. While at Hartland, I shared what God has shared with me to several of my dear sisters. Not just one (I don’t like playing favorites) lest I began to come attached to her. And yet, the desire to share with one person in a husband-and-wife relation, is still there.

Since I cannot give you flowers now, or show tenderness, benevolence, or the like, I find myself showing it to my dear sisters (note: “sisters” = plural). Darling, if you only knew what God has done in my heart for your advantage. It’s beautiful. Like David and Jonathan, I consider our hearts knitted together.

The advancing steps have been awkward to me. Yet, I’m willing to take those steps—as long as it leads me to you. I know that you have been praying for me. May you continue to do so.

I tried to find the words that are indescribable. Did I do a good job? Stay faithful, my dear one. I pray that I have not weakened your faith but have strengthen it. I desire to strengthen you (along with your ministry) all the days of my life. With God’s grace.

As our friendship grows, may we grow more in Christ. This is my prayer. I love you.

- Melanie Feathers

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Inspired by The Songs of SolomonInspired by The Songs of SolomonMay 3, 2002

Look not upon meFor I am mixedAnd thou art pureMy locks are as the black sheep’s coatThey curl when rain falls upon themBehind the high mountainsLies the eyes of a hindThey hide the mysteryUpon their lipsThe wall shall keep it inThe sun has set its face upon meI am blackAs the bottom of the streamsThat glitters when the sun shines upon themMy fellow men have bruised meThey treated not my soilI am stunted in growthWho shall strengthen me?Behold, it is he!He shall feed me with mannaI shall desire itAll the days of my life

June 9, 2002 [12:30am]

“…Your wife needs your help. She is like a clinging vine; she wants to lean upon your strength. You can help her and lead her along. You should never censure her. Never reprove her if her efforts are not what you think they should be. Rather encourage her by words of tenderness and love…” (2T 305, 1869 and Daughters of God, p. 181)

From whence cometh my strength? I looked and lo! he [sic] walketh amongst the trees and carries a burden upon his back. Oh, Abba! May I go unto him and cause the burden to be lighter?

He goeth forth reaping I shall soon be by his side…

A TRIBUTE TO SONG OF SOLOMON 2:16, 10

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July 25, 2001

Who is he that walketh amongst the trees?Who carries a burden upon his back?I am troubledWell nigh in despairWho is he?His speech is fairAs he hurries alongFor it is nightThe message he grants to themIs important, I knowAnd yet, who is he?My heart is troubledTherefore, I pray for him muchLet nothing dreadful come upon himI charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem!Take care of him.O ye watchmen of the nightI bid you to not bruise himAlthough he may be persecutedI grant you to spare his life

Who is he that walketh amongst the trees?Who carries a burden upon his back?Look forward, my belovedMy dear one!And see the true end.

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Dear Reader,

While quickly scanning this journal, I came across some old letters. The letters that were written in the near back of this journal were written more for my future husband to read. The one written on September the 19th in the year of 2001 specifically mentions that I had no idea that I knew who my husband would be. Therefore, if my memory serves me well, there are some letters written in here with that idea. And then, there are also some letters that have the hint that I had a hunch in who I presume who I would marry (like the one written December the lst of the year 2001). For example, I wrote “there is no one else that I can possibly see me wed to at this time” and yet, I have no idea who I was referring to!

I plan to hand over this journal to my husband—that is, if I ever do get married. This would be a rather interesting gift! When I review my writings of yester-years, some are obviously filled with the thoughts of a young teen. And others make me stop and think. Moreso, it shows me that I had a lot of pain and bitterness about me that I want to throw a lot of those writings in the trash. But if I do, then what evidence will I have later on to show that I have grown emotionally?

Well, I have been debating on starting another journal that I may pass this one and however many other journals and letter over to my future husband—that is, if I ever get married. You know what? Even if I don’t get married, it would be interesting to keep up a journal that is full of my thoughts and ideas. Maybe someone can benefit from them in the end! Maybe… just maybe… hmm… my, what an awesome thought!

With Love,Melanie Feathers

P.S. If the reader at this time is my husband, I’m trying to think of final words to write in here. I can’t say “I’m glad that we are married” because I don’t know you yet. And even if I do know you, I don’t know that you are to be my future husband. But, from reading all of this, I can ask you this, is my personality sill the same or have I changed somehow? I’m just wondering.

Oh, for wisdom! I desire it much! As for now, I must say goodbye. Stay faithful, my friend. And for the record, I love you!

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Fin(Finish)

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Documents

He Leadeth Me - WordPress.com · Web viewThis is the second edition. Redeemer is Faithful and True Personal Experiences of Melanie Feathers May 9, 2000-January 14, 2005 This notebook