Heal Your LifeHeal Your LifeForeverForever

Claire GaleaClaire Galea

A breakA break--through holistic approach to helping abused women and other through holistic approach to helping abused women and other victims of abuse to appreciate themselves, increase selfvictims of abuse to appreciate themselves, increase self--love and create love and create

the exciting happy positive life they have always dreamed of!the exciting happy positive life they have always dreamed of!

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Disclaimer

This book is designed to provide information for victims of abused. This information is provided and sold with the knowledge that the publisher and author do not offer any legal or other professional advice. In the case of a need for any such expertise consult with the appropriate pro-fessional. This book does not contain all information available on the subject. This book has not been created to be specific to any individual or organization situation or needs.

Every effort has been made to make this book as accurate as possible. However, there may be typographical and/or content errors. Therefore, this book should serve only as a general guide and not as the ultimate source of subject information. This book contains information that might be dated and is intended only to educate and entertain. The author and publisher shall have no liability or responsibility to any person or entity regarding any loss or damage incurred or alleged to have incurred, di-rectly or indirectly, by the information contained in this book.

By purchasing this book you hereby agree to be automatically bound by this disclaimer.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmit-ted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author, except for the inclu-sion of brief quotations in a review.

Copyright © 2013 Claire Galea

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To all beautiful women and survivors of abuse…

May this book reignite the fire of passion within your souls, allowing you to shine your own unique

light for the whole World to see.

Much love and blessings to you.

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Heal Your LifeForever

Chapter 1: Introduction

Chapter 2: Types of Abuse

Physical Abuse

Emotional Abuse

Cycle Of Abuse

Chapter 3: Making The Right Choice

Typical Escape Plan

Chapter 4: Changing Your Perspective

Chapter 5: Dealing With Triggers

Understanding Persistent Dreams & Nightmares

Self-Healing Through Meditation

Chapter 6: Making Peace With Your Past

Chapter 7: Pursuing Your Dreams

Learning To Love Again

Setting Up Personal Boundaries

Chapter 8: Through The Eyes Of A Survivor

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Chapter 1 ~ Introduction

There come moments in life when we start wondering, “Why is this hap-pening? What did I do to deserve this? Why am I always the one to blame? What is wrong with me?” It is at these times when we need help most in understanding who we are, what we are doing here in this place called earth, and why we are here in the first place.

The first step in being able to answer these questions and many others is to find your true self…

What does my true self have to do with all this?

Simple…your true or inner self is who you really are, where there is no outside judgement, where nothing affects the way you think, and no one intercepts with what you want to do with your life and what choices you seek to make.

To find your inner self you need to let go of all influences coming from other sources. Once you do you will find total harmony and peace within your life, and you will feel like an eagle, powerful, beautiful, unique, strong, flying high, soaring across the sky, without any worries, without any negativity affecting you.

Important Note: Throughout this book you will find case studies which I use to give a clearer idea on the messages or images I want to convey. Please note that these case studies are all fictitious and that the names and situations mentioned are not related in any way to a real family or individual situation.Let’s start with some examples…

Case Study #1:

Mary has been going out with her boyfriend George for the past six months. Since day one he has shown abusive behaviour towards her. Whenever he doesn’t get what he wants, he turns sour and starts shouting in her face, calling her names, spitting on her, calling her a dirtbag. She wants to leave George but is afraid to do so as if he happened to find her, she fears he would make her pay with her life for having run away from him.

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Case Study #2:

Stephanie and Chris were childhood sweethearts. They grew up together in a small community, and eventually got married and had three beautiful kids. One day Chris lost his job and he got so depressed that he ended up in a bar to help himself forget his troubles with the use of alcohol. This eventually became a nightly routine, and in time he started losing self-control and lashing out onto his wife, abusing her physi-cally. At times she got bashed in front of their kids, crying her eyes out, begging them to go to their rooms so as not to witness what was happening. Stephanie and Chris were later on referred to a councellor, but Chris had gone far into this bad habit that he couldn’t find the strength to stop, and his abuse continued to increase. Stephanie wished she had the courage to leave him once and for all, but she was afraid he’d take the kids away from her like he had vowed to do if she ever left him.

Case Study #3:

Anne met Daniel just before she graduated from highschool. He seemed such a gentleman! But things started to go wrong right after her exams. He started to con-trol her, manipulating her every move, controlling every aspect of her life, including what she could wear, who she could talk to, where she could go…everything. Things escalated to the worse as he eventually started sexually abusing her as well. She felt suffocated and eventually decided to move out but he found out in time and didn’t let her leave. He threatened that he would kill her precious family if she ever ran away.

What’s common with all the stories above?

All these women are terrorized, afraid for their own life and their loved ones’ safety. Without realizing, they are all staying and living in fear, just because they are fearing consequences.

Also common is their lack of self esteem, which makes them feel liter-ally paralysed by fear, allowing their abuser to increase his control over them by surrendering to what he wants, again in the name of fear. They can’t make decisions, even for their own safety, because they have been manipulated for so long that they are unable to decide for them-selves. They do not value themselves as much as they should. They have lost sight of their own true self.

I could write a thousand other stories similar to the above, one different from the other. There are more than one type of abuse (which we will be going through later on in the next chapter) as well as different situa-tions, such as elderly abused by their offspring, kids abused by their parents or guardians, employees abused by their employer, and many

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more.

In this book I will be focusing mostly on helping abused women find their voice again and help them take control of their life and their situa-tions by showing them how to find their inner self and start living life again. However, same tactics which I will be mentioning here work with all types of abuse. This is because every type of abuse has an abuser and a victim, and the purpose of this book is precisely to help the victim, whatever the circumstance, find confidence in self again and thus en-courage them to move on to a better, more peaceful, enjoyable life.

If you feel that certain people in your life are manipulating you or abus-ing you in any way, this book is for you. I strive to empower you to find your true self and eventually help you let your true self shine for every-one to see. If however you believe you do not need this, think for a sec-ond. According to some Domestic Violence statistics that took place within the past couple of years, every 9 seconds a woman in the US is assaulted or beaten, whilst in the whole world, one of every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime, and surprisingly enough, the abuser is most often a mem-ber of her own family.

So if you feel this book is not for you, think about others within your reach who are going through hell by enduring abuse in one way or an-other, and share this book with them. The more you share, the more you’d be helping in the making of a better future and safer world.

You, reading this book, if you feel you are a victim of abuse, I want to say this to you loud and clear, “You do NOT deserve this!” Whatever the issue, no matter how hard your abuser tries to blame it onto you, no one has the right to hurt another, either physically or emotionally! You have the same amount of power your abuser has…it’s all a matter of finding it inside you, to believe in yourself and make your own world a better place for you and the ones you love.

All power necessary for this ultimate change is within you…read on! Let me take you to a journey of new beginnings, where you can stop exist-ing and start living…where you can start enjoying life and are able to appreciate the beauty around you. You CAN do this, my dear friend! You will not be alone, I will be helping you all the way till you find your real self again and be able to take a leap of faith and shine!

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Let’s start working on the quest to finding yourself first. Make sure you follow and apply suggestions that are given here and which you believe you can apply to your situation, as it will help you grow and evolve into a self-appreciating new person living a new exciting fabulously positive life!

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Chapter 2 ~ Types of Abuse

One of the things that an abuser most commonly does is to blame what he/she does onto the victim. In other words, it is common that whilst the victim may feel misunderstood and hurt as a result of abuse, the abuser fires back the same thoughts as accusations to the victim for doing the same to him/her.

Does this sound too familiar? If it does, then it’s time to evaluate the whole situation and see where you stand in all this.

There are a lot of different types of abuse, but I believe all can be re-duced into two categories which I will explain below.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse occurs when the abuser takes control over the victim or harms the victim physically to intimidate him/her. Physical abuse in-cludes slaps, pushes, beating, punching, kicking, hair pulling, sexual abuse, molestation, incest, neglect, not providing basic needs to de-pendent victims (such as food, clothing, hygiene, love, care, shelter) and such.

There is no need of actual visible bruising or injury for any of the above to be classified as physical abuse. If you have experienced any of the above, even if without visible injuries, unfortunately you can still say that you have been physically abused.

Physical abuse most of the times eventually escalates to very bad, where victims may end up severely injured, possibly needing hospitali-zation. There are also cases where sadly the victim eventually dies from sustained injuries resulting from physical abuse.

Case Study #4:

Ruth lives a nightmare. She has three kids, youngest being just 3 years old. Every night her husband goes to a local bar and gets drunk. He then returns home in the early hours of the morning and starts fighting over stupid things. Every time he ends up beating Ruth till she lands on the floor in pain without energy to get up again. Each and every time, Ruth does her best to keep her husband occupied with beat-

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ing her, hoping her kids don’t hear her cries and wake up, so as to avoid him possi-bly beating up her kids instead. Eventually he gets tired and falls into bed and sleeps till late in the afternoon. Ruth is being physically abused by her husband, and because she is afraid of leaving him for fear of what he may do, she keeps re-living the same physical abuse every single day.

Emotional Abuse

While some may not agree with me here, I believe that emotional abuse is even worse than physical abuse. Now don’t get me wrong here…every type of abuse is to be taken seriously and can never be justified. However I do believe this because victims of emotional abuse are usu-ally led to think that what is happening is all their own fault. Emotionally abused victims tend to believe that they cause the problems arising within their home environment. What makes this type of abuse even more difficult for the victim to move out is the fact that emotional abuse is most commonly underrated.

Emotional abuse is many times a result of verbal abuse, where the abuser uses words and body language to let down the victim in a ma-nipulative way. Such abuser tends to play around with words, many times making the victim feel like he/she is losing it.

Case Study #5:

Lara is a stay-at-home mum. She takes care of her two little kids as well as does all the housework. She knows that her husband is cheating on her, but she keeps it to herself so as not to cause any more problems within her household. But what hurts her most is that her husband blames her of cheating, calling her names, humiliating her even in public, when he knows as much as she does that she spends all her day at home taking care of their kids and only going out to get groceries.

Lara is fed up of being called names, being accused that she doesn’t take care of the kids properly, or being humiliated all the time. She yearns for respect but she is afraid to take a stand. Her mum tells her she is worrying over nothing, and keeps telling her stories of other men “who are the REAL abusive types, who beat their wives daily”. Her mum keeps trying to reassure her that what she is going through is not wrong when compared to physical abuse.

Lara thus listens to her mother and stays with her husband, enduring emotional abuse day after day, because she has been led to believe that when compared to others, she is quite lucky, as the emotional abuse she is enduring is relatively noth-ing compared to physical abuse.

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Cycle of Abuse

Abuse, being Physical, Emotional or both, happens in cycles. Any victim can identify the Cycle of Abuse within his/her abusive situation as illus-trated below:

As you can see the Cycle of Abuse starts with a period of calmness, where the victim usually feels hopeful that things may get better in time. In certain cases this phase provides the victim with actual gifts for no reason at all from the abuser’s part.

The next phase takes us to a period of time where tension starts rising. Things may start to get sour, anger may be felt, but at this stage all an-ger is contained within, creating anxiety within both parties.Eventually built-up tension gets to a point where a confrontation be-tween the abuser and the victim becomes imminent. This is where physical and / or emotional abuse takes place.

The last part of this cycle takes us to the calm after the storm. This is

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where there may be excuses from the abuser’s part, as well as accep-tance from the victim. Reconciliation sex may also take place within this stage, where the abuser uses sex as a means of showing he/she is sorry for what happened. At this stage the victim usually succumbs to any requests made by the abuser so as to avoid another confrontation, usually being too tired or painful following the confrontation period.

The Cycle of Abuse has no set length of time. There are cases where it is repeated for more than once within the same day. There are however other cases where it is repeated within days, weeks or even months, but the pattern is always visible nonetheless.

Where do YOU Stand?

Now that you have read the fictitious cases above and learned about the Cycle of Abuse, do you see yourself in any of the situations men-tioned?

It is now time for you to evaluate yourself here. Let go of any ‘labels’ you have been previously accused of; let go of outside judgements. Take a deep breath, hold it in for a couple of seconds, and then let it out. Repeat this for five times, and with each inhale imagine that you are drawing in pure, positive air, while with each exhale imagine that you are letting go of any judgemental acts or words that anyone may have imposed on you.

Now that you have cleared your mind, think. Can you see yourself in any of the above mentioned types of abuse? Be true to yourself. This is no time to excuse anyone, not even your abuser. This is definitely not the time to let it go so you can deal with it later. The time has come…the time is NOW! This is the time to find yourself again, to find your voice again. Be honest with yourself. Are you being emotionally or physically abused?

If you answered yes to the above, then it’s time to think deeply about what your next step should be. Considering the fact that most abusive cases are within the same family, I am going to concentrate here on marital abuse, however, all of the things I’m going to suggest in this book can be used for any type of abuse.

Now that you have accepted the fact that you are being abused, either

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physically or emotionally, you are faced with two options here:

Option #1: Leave the abusive situation behind and move on

Option #2: Stay, but make drastic changes to the way you perceive yourself

Before you take a decision on what your next step should be, do realize that you have to consider multiple factors here, so don’t rush into one of the options. Moreover, this has to be your choice and no one else’s. I am giving you options here, but you have to be responsible enough to make the right choice for yourself after evaluating both options and pos-sible consequences.

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Chapter 3 ~ Making The Right Choice

I understand that at the end of the previous chapter I may have scared you. If I did, please know that I didn’t mean to! Truth is you are at cross-roads here. You cannot keep enduring abuse, but you still need to make the right choice with utmost responsibility. Some abusive cases are ter-rifyingly dangerous, so one can never generalise. Thus, think about both options and all possible consequences wisely.

Most abusive cases tend to drag on for years, without any official com-plaints by the victim. This means that if you are a victim of abuse, by now you probably know your abuser better than anyone else does! You probably can tell when the next abusive episode is bound to happen. You probably “feel” danger in the air before your abuser lashes out at you. You may also at times think about what answers to give to your abuser whenever you are asked something, considering all options and their possible consequences in split seconds. And you may on most oc-casions curse yourself for not relying on your intuition, having said something which you previously felt would make your abuser angry.

This happens because subconsciously you have been led to think by your abuser that you are the one causing trouble, which in return leads your subconscious mind to warn you beforehand when things are bound to happen, giving you suggestions to help you avoid confronta-tion as much as possible. Mind you, you are NEVER to blame for en-during abuse, but it warns you so you can be alert when the time comes.

You can use that same intuitive feeling to make this very important deci-sion today!

But please wait…before choosing one of the options listed above, you need to think about whether there is a possibility to save your marriage. Have you been to councelling as a couple? Have you even considered it? Did you ever suggest it to him/her? If yes, what was the response given? If no, what would he/she say if councelling was suggested?

If you believe you should give it a try, think about suggesting councel-ling to him. Do not think of sending your spouse to councelling alone. I believe in many cases such councelling doesn’t work, unless he/she admits having abusive behaviour. If this is not the case however, then think about suggesting going together as a couple. This shows the

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abuser that you are not expecting all change from him/her, but instead shows you are willing to learn how to meet half way, with both of you making an effort to agree more and save your relationship. Such coun-celling helps to open you both to new ways of coping during hard times through discussion instead of abusive behaviour. Do ask local councel-lors before you suggest this option to your abuser, so you can make sure such service is available in your local area.

If councelling is not a possible option however, or you have already gone that route before for nothing, then you need to choose between the options listed above.

Let’s discuss both options and possible scenarios. Consider every pos-sible situation that may occur and choose the path which you feel is the safest of all, the one that will allow you to live your life freely without any abuse whatsoever.

(Please note that although from now on I will be referring to the abuser as a ‘him’, abuse can also happen by a ‘her’ as previously explained).

Option #1: Leave the abusive situation behind and move on

This is the best way to let go of all past hurt and start over afresh. How-ever, many things have to be considered before choosing this path.

First of all, like I mentioned already, you probably know your abuser really well. Think about it…imagine yourself leaving him, telling him be-forehand, what would he say? What would he do? Would he try to stop you? Would he beat you to death? Would he harm you in any way?

In addition to this, if you have kids, you need to take into consideration their well-being as well as your own. Suppose you tell him you’re taking the kids with you, would he be capable of hurting the kids so as not to let them leave? This scenario may seem quite impossible to some, but it has happened many times these last couple of decades, so do take everything into consideration.

Think about previous experiences where you may have found the cour-age to threaten him, saying that you’d leave him, what did he do in such cases? How does he react when he feels threatened in any way by you

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or anyone else?

If you feel deep down in your heart that he would hurt you or your kids (if any), then do not take chances…instead, find another solution.

Typical Escape Plan

The following option is all about seeing you safe and sound before, dur-ing, and after executing an “escape” plan. Instead of telling him before-hand, start planning to leave in a secretive way. Target a particular week about a month or two ahead and work towards preparing yourself for the “escape”. Start putting away some money if possible, so that when the time comes, you will have something to be able to live with. You may opt to talk to some councellors in your area, either face to face, or if you feel you should avoid this, use a phone instead.

In some countries you may find shelters for abused women, so check beforehand with your councellor. Such shelters can help you and your kids (if any) by giving you a roof over your head, help you through with any councelling necessary during the ‘rough times’, give you guidance during the time you’re in court for separation or divorce, until you are ready to stand up on your own again. If you have concerns about what your abuser will do once you are out in the streets, then a shelter helps you with that, as you won’t be exposed and feeling vulnerable.

Additionally, in certain countries when a spouse is moving out, he/she is required to file a police report, letting the police know that he/she is leaving due to domestic abuse. Check with your councellor and see if this is required in your country. If it is, you will probably have to go to the police station and file a report prior to leaving your spouse.

During this preparation time it is important that you keep quiet as much as possible. Try to avoid conflicts, and if any arise during this prepara-tion time, act like you normally would. Do not give yourself up…keep your plan to yourself at all costs. Keep it secret. Do not share the plan with anyone else except your councellor, or anyone you trust 100%. It is better to be safe than sorry.

Remember to wipe away any evidence which may give away your plans. Do not write stuff in places where they may be seen. Delete any phone calls to councellors as soon as you are done with the call. Keep in mind that anything you make available to your abuser may jeopardize

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your plan to search for a brighter future. This is not about lying, it’s about making sure you stay safe.

Prepare yourself emotionally…life may be hard for the first few weeks, but think positively. This is your chance to stop existing and start living again! This is your plan towards a new life where you can breathe, where you can feel safe and loved again. This is your journey to a new beginning, and you are going to walk proud and stand tall. This is when your journey towards self-respect starts!

Once the chosen week comes, fix a date, make any necessary arrange-ments and plans, and when you know for sure that it’s the right time to move out, take your saved money, your kids (if any), anything you can’t really do without, and close the door behind you. Make sure you are safe when executing this plan. Do not take any risks. And once you are out, do not make any phonecalls to him to let him know you are out, so you will buy time to arrive safely to your new destination. If you think you may be tracked through your mobile phone GPS, make sure you switch it off so your destination remains uncompromised.

Once you arrive safely, breathe and smell the fresh scent of freedom. This is your new beginning. Think positively, act positively. No one can harm you now. You are safe.

Next thing to do then is to contact your councellor for help to get things rolling with separation or divorce, whichever option you are going for. The quicker you start, the quicker all will settle down. Remember that if you have kids, there will be the need for custody arrangements, but you will be guided by a councellor, or if you already have a lawyer, talk to your lawyer and he/she will set things rolling.

The beginning of this journey may be hard. Depressive thoughts may creep into your mind, making you feel like you possibly made a mistake running away. When this happens, take deep breaths and exhale slowly…calm yourself and think…you deserve to live your life without any fear. You deserve the very best, and now you are writing your own future in a much brighter way! Look at the horizon…see the beautiful bright sun rising across the horizon in the morning, showing its beautiful light to the world, symbolizing a new day, a new life, a new path! Be that sun…be an inspiration! You can do this!

(If you chose Option 1, hold on, as more guidance is coming up in the

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next chapter, but let’s evaluate the second option beforehand)

Option #2: Stay, but make drastic changes to the way you perceive yourself

Firstly, you should choose this option ONLY if you believe that you can work together towards understanding each other better as a couple. The effort should be made as a couple and not from one part only. If you’re considering this option, chances are you believe that by making drastic changes you can save your marriage. Before making this choice however, you need to perceive things in a different light from now on.

What does this mean?

As we mentioned in the beginning of this chapter, your abuser probably has a way with making it look like you are the one causing marital prob-lems. Deep down you may have been expecting your spouse to change his/her way of life, the way he/she looks at you, the way he/she treats you…

You may not like what I’m going to tell you now, but it is all true, and if you understand the concept and apply changes within the same line of reasoning, you will start seeing changes instantly…so stay with me here until I explain it all…

It is neither your abuser’s fault, nor your fault…it’s a collective process that has led you to be abused within your relationship!

Before you get angry about what you just read, think for a moment…

I am definitely NOT blaming you for causing the abuse. NO ONE de-serves to be treated badly, and nothing can justify abuse!

However…

Go back in time when you started going out with the person who has turned into an abuser. At that time I’m sure he was the best person you could ever wish for, perfect in every way, trustworthy.

Somewhere within that line of thinking, you let down your boundaries,

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twisted your beliefs to match his, closed an eye to certain suggestions coming from him which you possibly would have never dreamed of do-ing. Why? Because you were in love. You did it all in the name of love.

There is nothing wrong with being in love, or with having done your best to “meet half way” back then. But it led this person to believe that you are willing to sacrifice yourself to accommodate him, which eventually led you to be viewed as submissive. So in other words you have unin-tentionally empowered the one you were madly in love with, who in time got to expect everything to go in the way he wanted, leading him to take full control over your actions.One however has to mention here that apart from this reasoning, it also depends on your abuser’s upbringing and any experiences before meeting you…such factors would have shaped this person’s way of thinking, leading him to take full control over you, when all you really wanted to do at the time was ‘meet half way’.

Putting both these reflections together shows that this is neither your fault nor your abuser’s fault, but a collective process.

So what can be done to reverse this?

Once again…Meet Him Half-Way!

I will be explaining exactly what I mean by this, but first it is important to understand that there has to be a collective effort from both parties. If you really want this to work out between you two, you need to first work on yourself and let go of previous mind-programming, and then look deep within.

Do not expect him to change…the major change needed here starts from within YOU! When you first started getting to know each other in the past, you did your best to meet half way in the name of love, which eventually led you to fall victim to abuse. Today, in the name of love, you have to meet again half way, but this time the major change starts with your own way of perceiving yourself, your spouse, your life and everything around you. And the very first step towards this is through empowering yourself through self-respect.

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Chapter 4 ~ Changing Your Perspective

Whether you chose Option 1 or Option 2 in the previous chapter, you will be needing to change your perspective from now on. You have been brainwashed long enough by your abuser, which has weakened your self-esteem and self-respect.

If you chose to leave, you may probably be feeling lost now, possibly dreading having left. It is a natural process, so if this sounds familiar, do realize that such feelings arise because your abuser has been control-ling you long enough, making you feel that you can do nothing without him. Thus you need to learn how to strengthen your self-respect and self-esteem, and build a new life free of outside judgements.

If you chose to stay, you are probably feeling confused, finding it hard to make a decision. You may be saying “I want to take a stand but I am afraid…maybe I’ll find the courage to stand up for my rights tomorrow…

WRONG! The time has come, my dear friend! You cannot keep putting this off! Today is the day! Today you are going to stand tall, today you are indestructible. Today is a new day. You are going to start building the boundaries that have crumbled down with time…

Let us first start working on how you perceive yourself at this time. I highly suggest you start keeping a journal from now on. Even if it has to be an online journal, any journal is better than no journal. Your new journal is going to walk with you throughout this phase in your life where you are going to find your inner self, discover who you really are, and build a whole new positive life from this point on.

I Am a Victim

“I am a victim” is a phrase you may have been saying to yourself over and over within the recent past and possibly even now when embarking on this new journey to self-discovery. It is however important to change such perspective as soon as possible.

There is what we call “The Law of Attraction”, which states that we write our destiny as we go along with our lives through the way we perceive the world today. This means that if we perceive our current situation

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from the eyes of a “victim”, we are firing bullets of self-pity, sadness and depressive thoughts to the Universe, which in return takes our current way of thinking as our “way to cope”, thus providing us with more situa-tions in the upcoming future to enhance that feeling.

To ensure that you don’t fall into a pit of negativity through self-pity, you need to start changing your perspective from a negative one to a more positive one.

You have probably heard this before. What would you call a glass of water filled up to the exact middle? You may say it is half full, or you may say it is half empty. Both are correct. However, saying it’s half full means you are taking a positive approach to it. You are ignoring the fact that it is half empty and focusing on what it contains rather than what it doesn’t.

Another example would be rain pouring down from the sky…some may see it as too much rain, but others may be grateful, seeing it as a free means to watering crops, allowing crops to grow and thus providing a healthy harvest for farmers, better means of living through more com-merce.

This is the same way of thinking that you need to work on from now on. Do not see yourself as a victim any more…instead, look yourself in a mirror and say, “I’m a survivor!” Look forward to a happier life, being free, being safe…be grateful for all you have now. Gratitude is the key to abundance in all aspects of life, such as abundance in love, happi-ness, finances and much more.

Same reasoning applies to life in general. What seems to be a difficult time today, may prove to be a good lesson for later on. Do not focus of the negative aspects of life, but be grateful for the beauty around you, be grateful for each thing that you may be currently taking forgranted, every breathe that you take, every smile that you get, every loving ges-ture from people or animals around you. Find the beauty in everything and make your life a happy experience no matter what.

Once you start seeing life in this way, you will start looking forward to every new day. Who knows what the tide may bring in tomorrow? Whenever you feel a wave of uncertainty on your way, do not fall under, but surf the wave through positive thinking. Accept any negative situa-tions in your life as challenges that are there to make you stronger, and appreciate all positive situations while looking forward to a brighter, bet-

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ter, more positive future ahead.

Exercise #1:

Find a time when you are quiet, take your journal and a pen or pencil with you and stand in front of a mirror. For the moment, leave your journal on a nearby table. Look into your eyes and go with the flow. What do you feel like doing? What do you want to tell yourself? What do you feel for yourself?

Understand what you’re feeling when looking into your own eyes. If you feel like crying, cry. If you feel angry, let it out. If you feel sorry for yourself, acknowledge the feeling. Whatever you feel, accept it. It is totally normal to feel a wide range of emo-tions running through you at this time. Your task is to acknowledge the feeling and accept it. Do not deny it. Be true to yourself.

After you let out your feelings, write them down on your journal. Write down what emotions you experienced, tears, anger…anything.

Repeat this every day till you start feeling totally happy and appreciative of yourself.

Treat your journal as your new best friend and be honest with everything you write into it. One day you will read past entries and understand how strong your past has made you.

Exercise #2:

After doing Exercise #1, stand in front of your mirror, look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself:

I am beautiful

I am worth-it

I am amazing

I am happy

I love myself

I am perfect just the way I am

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I deserve all the very best in all aspects of my life

and so it is

Write these affirmations on a sticky note and stick it to the side of your mirror so you remember to do this at least once daily, or as many times you want if you want to build your self-esteem and self-respect in the fastest way possible.

I understand that you may squirm at the second exercise above, or pos-sibly feel disgusted, or unable to say any without crying hysterically. Again this is normal, but you must face this NOW. Today is the day when you start to find self-confidence again. Saying these affirmations for the first time will be a breakthrough, and will help you find a new self-confident you!

So if you haven’t managed to say the above whilst looking yourself in the eyes, do it now. Do not underestimate the power of affirmations. You will be amazed by how many changes doing this will start to bring within you!

Do not be afraid of any emotions that these affirmations will bring onto you. Anything is considered normal, and is the result of the self-healing process you’ll be following on these next couple of weeks.

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Chapter 5 ~ Dealing With Triggers

Now that you have been working on changing your own perspective into a much more positive one, and on looking at yourself with self-respect and self-love, the worst has passed. The more you work on such an approach to life, the more you will feel enlightened.

There are however what we call ‘triggers’, which you should be aware of, so in case they happen to you, you will know how to react and deal with them. Triggers are situations and things that can trigger visions from your past experiences in a way that makes you feel like you are physically re-living your past. Such triggers can happen during the day and also in your dreams.

There are various types of triggers that may happen, all of which would be related to experiences you have had during past abuse, as shown below:

1. Sight Triggers: Seeing others being abused, seeing items that were used on you throughout the abuse period, seeing someone with the same features of your past abuser, seeing areas or set-tings similar to the area you were abused at;

2. Sound Triggers: Hearing crying or screaming, raised voices, ar-guments, sounds that remind you of your past abuser such as foot thumping, beer can opening, slamming doors;

3. Taste Triggers: Tasting foods that remind you of your past abuser;

4. Smell Triggers: Smelling items reminding you of your past abuser such as cigarettes, alcohol, certain perfumes etc;

5. Touch Triggers: Someone touching you in the same way as your past abuser, being hugged and kissed if your past abuser used these to initiate sexual abuse;

If you experience such triggers, you are bound to have very detailed

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flashbacks of past abuse and literally feel in the same way you used to do at the time. Such feelings include increased breathing due to lack of oxygen in the brain, panic attacks, feeling faint, nauseous, stomach pain, vomiting, diarrhea and other similar symptoms. If this happens, just know that it is normal and part of your self-healing process.

If you ever feel overwhelmed by such triggers, you can do any of the following to get through safely and as quickly as possible:

Understanding: Accept the fact that this is not really happening to you again, and that you are only experiencing flashbacks as a re-sult of triggers, and that now you are completely safe and that it is all part of a natural healing process that you are going through. Realise that you have already come a long way and that you are working on getting better with each day that goes by.

Breathing: If you experience lack of breathing or panic attacks, you can slow down your breathing to normal by breathing in for 5 seconds and breathing out for longer. Keep re-doing this until your breathing is stabilized and back to normal.

Safety: Flashbacks following triggers may make you feel vulner-able. Do something to feel safe again. This may be sitting down and hugging yourself, going into a room which you feel safe in…do anything that makes you feel safe again.

Patience: Do not be hard on yourself. Accept that what you felt and how your body reacted to the triggers is all normal. So if you cried or felt like you were going nuts, do not beat yourself for it. Be patient, for you are undergoing changes, and it takes time to learn how to accept the past as it happened without any grudges. The most important thing is that you DO NOT GIVE UP! You are doing great and you deserve the very best!

Sometimes we may expect that since we have decided to move on or to stand up for our rights, we are by right immune to the past – WRONG! It takes time to let go of the past and move on freely without experiencing past memories of abuse, but with time it gets easier. So never be hard on yourself for remembering or bursting into tears due to having experi-

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enced a cruel past.

Understanding Persistent Dreams & Nightmares

Apart from experiencing triggers, you may also start having possibly persistent dreams and sometimes even nightmares, where you find yourself suffering from abuse, or seeing men specifically running after you to hurt you, rape you or abuse you in any way. If this is happening to you right now, rest assured that this is part of the healing process and is totally normal. Although you have been working on self-healing from past abuse, your subconscious mind still holds past hurtful memo-ries, which may be materialising as nightmares.

Having such dreams is a clear indication that the hurt is still there within you. Again, this is totally normal, but also means that you have to keep working on self-healing day after day, so that you can eventually find it within you to make peace with your past and accept it as an experience that has walked you to a newer stronger you.

Case Study #6:

Mandy clearly recalls the nightmares she had for months after having left an abu-sive relationship. Although she had been successfully working on self-love and self-healing, she had recurring nightmares, night after night.

In her dreams she was always running away from men who first try to be friendly with her, but then they aim to take over and rape her. Night after night she kept waking up terrified, breathless, her face full of sweat, her eyes full of tears.

Through these dreams Mandy realized that subconsciously she was still weary of men due to the past abuse she had suffered. She realised she needed to work more on her boundaries as well as trust issues. She continued working on self-healing until these recurrent dreams faded away.

Today she lives her life feeling completely free and happy. Her boundaries are set. She doesn’t live in fear any more.

Self-Healing Through Meditation

Today you may look back at your past and cry, or look at yourself as a

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victim with utmost pity. In time you will learn to look back at your past and say, “Hey! I am much stronger than I thought I could be! Look at what I have been through! And still I managed to let go, I found a way to survive! Look at me today…I am no longer a victim, I’m a survivor!” –Yes, you WILL eventually say that to yourself!

Cruel as it may have been, your past will shape you up for a better fu-ture where you become much stronger than you ever thought you could be! You are unique, special, amazing! Believe in yourself…believe in who you are! BE yourself! Never forget, you CAN do this!

One of the easiest ways to reach this state of mind where you accept what has been without any grudges is through meditating daily. Medita-tion can be done by everyone and its benefits are endless, some of which are:

Releases fears Reduces anxiety Eases depression Reduces insomnia Builds self-trust Relaxes the nervous system Reduces intensity and frequency of migraines and headaches Lowers high blood pressure Promotes healthy cardiovascular functioning Relieves muscle tension Promotes a healthy digestive system Helps absorption of nutrients and minerals in the body Generates optimism, motivation, hope, positivity and self-esteem

These are just a few of the benefits of daily meditation. Below you will find a couple of meditation techniques that can help you throughout your new journey by allowing you to become at peace with your past, thus helping you move forward and diminish any kind of triggers and nightmares you may have been experiencing.

Exercise #3: Meditation Technique 1 – Grounding Yourself

Sit down in a comfortable position, close your eyes, clear your thoughts and just be-come aware of your breathing. Imagine that as you breathe in you inhale positive

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healing white light, and as you breathe out you exhale negativity, tension, anxiety. Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat for 5 times.

Now imagine that as you are sitting completely relaxed, you start to grow roots from your root chakra, which is located just beneath your spine. Your roots are wide as your hips, and they start to extend way below, deep within the ground below you. Imagine your roots extending down to the Earth’s core.

Become aware of any remaining negativity, tension, anxiety within you, and as you do, know that you do not need it any more. Imagine your tension, anxiety and nega-tivity flowing from you down through your roots to Mother Earth’s core to be cleansed.

Next imagine yourself pulling up golden clean positive healing energy from Mother Earth’s core, up into your roots, filling you up from your hips down to your thighs, your legs, your toes, up into your tummy, your chest, your neck, your head. Imagine and feel this new positive healing energy washing into your bloodstream, your nerv-ous system, your heart, arteries, your lungs.

Feel this positive healing energy bathing through you, so bright that it extends out-wards from within you, forming a golden protective bubble around you. You are safe within this bubble of golden healing energy. Nothing can harm you, you are fully protected, full of this golden healing energy. Feel within you appreciation and grati-tude to Mother Earth for helping you restore yourself through her blessed healing energy.

Become aware of your roots again. Now it is time to pull your roots back up into your root chakra. After doing so, become aware of your surroundings, smell the air around you, open your eyes and look around. You are now grounded, fully pro-tected and bathed with positivity and healing energy.

You can do this meditation every day.

Exercise #4: Meditation Technique 2 – Shower Meditation

This is by far one of the easiest meditations you can do, especially if you are one busy person…

Get into your shower and let the water flow all over you. As you do so, close your eyes and imagine black smudges all over your body, representing all negativity that you may have picked up until today. You can also imagine words imprinted on your body representing particular aspects or influences left on you by another person.

Now become aware of the water pouring down onto your body. Visualise it washing away all black smudges and words. See it all washing down from your body, going down the drain.

Now wash yourself as usual, and if in your mind you can still see traces of black

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smudges or words over your body, use soap to rub away any remaining traces. Again, see these traces flowing down from your body and down the drain.

Congratulations. You have not only taken care of your daily hygiene, you have also let go of any emotional issues that may have been influencing you uptil today.

Doing this meditation every single day ensures you get rid of any negative issues or outside negative influences. You can make it a habit to do this meditation every time you shower. In time you will literally feel all burdens and stress washing off you and going down the drain every time you take a shower.

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Chapter 6 ~ Making Peace With Your Past

Through this chapter I want you now to dig deeper into your subcon-scious mind so you can see where you stand right now.

If you have only recently been through abuse, and especially if you are still experiencing triggers and/or nightmares, this part is definitely not for you right now, so skip over to the next chapter, but I invite you to check it out later on once you have worked on self-healing for quite some time.

Now, if you are ready, start by sitting down comfortably. Breathe in, breathe out. Feel any tension and anxiety flow out of you as you exhale. Breathe in again, and exhale. Shake off any existing emotions.

Once you feel that you have cleared your mind from all thoughts, I want you to close your eyes and go back into that phase in time when you were suffering from abuse. Think. See. Feel.

When you’re done, open your eyes, and this time focus on the emotions you were feeling when thinking of those experiences. Were you feeling at peace? Did you feel like you were just watching a movie with no par-ticular emotion? Or maybe you felt angry? Sad? About to cry?

Firstly, there is no wrong or right. Do acknowledge how you felt and do not be hard on yourself for what you have felt emotion-wise.

These emotions give you an exact clue on where you stand right now. If you experienced sadness, grief, anger, hurt or any other negative emo-tion, it means that you are not yet completely healed psychologically. You still need to work more on self-healing and self-love.

You may say, “But how can I possibly look back at that hurtful experi-ence and feel at peace with it?”

Firstly, yes you can, and secondly, it will only happen when you accept fully all that has been as an important part of your life that has helped shape you into a better human being.

Let me give you an example…

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A child and a jigsaw puzzle. Lots of pieces that together create a beauti-ful picture. Something that when a child finishes it, he/she proudly pre-sents it as a masterpiece symbolizing success. But what happens if this child loses a piece of this jigsaw puzzle? Without a doubt, this jigsaw puzzle will be either thrown away or left in a corner to be long lost for-gotten.

The child above represents you. The completed jigsaw puzzle repre-sents your life now. Every jigsaw puzzle piece represents past experi-ences from your life.

No matter what you have been through, your life is beautiful and com-plete just the way it is. Without all the pieces, the end result cannot be obtained successfully. In other words, your past experiences, good or bad, have helped shape you up into a beautiful compassionate soul. You wouldn’t be where you are today if it weren’t for what you have gone through in your past. You wouldn’t know your strength and worth. You wouldn’t have the potential to realize how much difference you can make in your life and in others’ lives by just being yourself, because without a doubt, what you have been through may serve as an eye-opener to others.

Forgiveness…

No, forgiveness is not about Religion. Forgiveness is about letting go of past hurt. Forgiveness is about refusing to allow any past negative is-sues influence your life today. Stop the drama. Blaming and pointing fin-gers doesn’t take you anywhere apart from keeping you stuck in drama.

Instead of focusing on who did wrong, entangling yourself in the why’s and what’s and how’s, find it in yourself to become at peace with all that has been.

Unlike the jigsaw puzzle mentioned above, our lives are much more complex. We cannot know the full picture…the full big picture can only be finished completely when we die. So we have two choices…we can either pass our lives worried on all that has been, or we can focus on having faith in the final picture being one to remember, one to be cher-ished by those we leave behind us.

Becoming at peace with the past is all about being able to look back at those moments and realize how great you were, having survived all that

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nonsense, having had the courage to move out of such stressful situa-tion, having had the strength to stand back on your feet no matter how hard the fall was, and walk with dignity written all over you.

It is at that point of acceptance that you realize you are much stronger than you ever thought you were. Being at peace with your past is know-ing that without those experiences you would never have found out your true worth.

Train yourself so that you accept all that you have been through, appre-ciate all steps you took to let go of that situation, and look with gratitude at who you have become.

Your life is as it should be. Perfect harmony.

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Chapter 7 ~ Pursuing Your Dreams

You are now free. Free from restrictions. Free from any limitations. Free to make your own choices.

Now is the time to think about the things you always wanted to do, which you possibly were stopped from doing earlier on in your life. Think about it…maybe a new career, a new car, new clothes, new place to live in.

Okay you may possibly be a bit limited financially, but if so, do not look at your current life as a struggle, think about it as a blessing. You are doing it all alone and no matter how hard it may seem today, you ARE going to make your life amazing!

The power of positive thinking.

You can use the same positive thinking concept that I explained earlier on in this book in the Changing Your Perspective chapter. There we mentioned the Law of Attraction and how one can change his/her life through thinking in a positive way no matter what.

Same goes with all other aspects of your life. No matter what comes along, no matter what hurdles you may meet during this journey of sur-vival, know and believe with all your heart that things are becoming bet-ter and better with each day that passes.

Whatever things you wish for, visualise them as having already hap-pened to you. Do not focus your thinking on worry and anxiousness. In-stead, focus on feeling grateful for every tiny blessing that you encoun-ter in your life. Gratitude opens the door to countless blessings and miracles in your life.

Always remember that nothing is ever impossible! Have faith, live grate-ful, and start seeing magic happening in your life on a daily basis!

Learning To Love Again

Loving someone else again…This may seem to be one impossible

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thing, especially if your past abuse was from your spouse, partner or someone you trusted completely before it happened. Yet it is not impos-sible!

Opening yourself to love again starts with YOU. Are you worth it? Do you deserve love? Do you deserve to be loved? Do you deserve to be happy? Of course you do!

Realising that you are worthy of love and happiness is the first step you have to work on. Unless you realise your worth, you cannot fully love again and allow yourself to be loved again. Remember the Law of At-traction? If you are still unsure whether you are worthy of love, the Uni-verse will provide you with love interests that won’t be able to help you feel loved and worthy of it. On the other hand, if you truly know your worth and you know and believe with all your heart that you are worthy of love and that you truly deserve love, then the Universe will provide you with someone who will love you and cherish you and show you your worth. What you send out comes back to you, so make sure that before seeking love again you know what you want and what you are worthy of.

Once your new love enters your life, make sure you have set personal boundaries (which I am going to explain further down). If sexual abuse was one of the things you experienced in your past, you may find it hard to engage into sexual activity with your new partner at first, even if your new partner is compassionate, loving and respectful of you. Do not be afraid to voice your worries. Most importantly, do not allow yourself to feel pressured into any sexual activity before you feel ready for it. Self-respect, self-love, self-worth. Go with what you truly feel. If your new partner truly wants what is best for you, he/she will understand and will help you through.

On a similar but slightly different note, survivors of sexual abuse may have problems dealing with their own children. Washing and dressing their own children, or changing nappies of younger ones may bring up various feelings. They may feel guilty, even if they are not doing any-thing wrong.

If you encounter these same problems, do look back onto Chapter 5 where we talked about triggers. Again, such feelings are totally normal, and though they feel very confusing and sometimes hard to bear, they are part of the self-healing process. When such feelings arise, do not

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beat yourself for having had them. Accept them as a normal phase which you have to go through in order to become at peace with your past.

Setting Up Personal Boundaries

One of the most common reasons for abuse to happen is the lack of ability to say ‘no’ when necessary. In order to avoid similar situations to happen again, it is important to set up personal boundaries with which you adhere to no matter what or who.

An easy way to set up personal boundaries is through daily affirmations aimed at helping you build confidence and strength to stand up for what you believe in.

Exercise #5:

Stand in front of your mirror, look yourself in the eyes and say the following affirma-tions with determination:

I am in touch with my needs

I always stand up for myself

I am confident in my ability to say no

I set firm boundaries with others

I am in control of my life

I am able to take control of any situation

I set standards for myself and stick to them

I assert my beliefs and opinions with confidence

I have the right to say ‘no’

I am confident and strong

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Others respect my ability to stand up for myself

People see me as someone strong and assertive

I can be firm with anyone if it is needed

Setting boundaries is a normal part of my everyday lifeYou can write the affirmations above onto a sticky notepad and stick it by your mirror so you remember to do this every day to fully set your boundaries and avoid abusive behavior by others in the future.

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Chapter 8 ~ Through The Eyes Of A Survivor

It’s a beautiful day. There she is, sitting by an old big tree. Birds are chirping in the branches above her. Golden rays seeping through the green leaves and onto her long flowing white dress. A soft breeze sweeping through her long black hair, uncovering an old scar on her otherwise flawless face. She sits there, completely lost in thoughts.

It feels like yesterday, the day she had met him. He had promised to be the one and only love of her life back then…

Her thoughts shift to that very first night. She recalls the pain, physically hard to endure, emotionally hard to understand. Loud bangs, shouting, name-calling, swearing, jealousy, greedy sex. One night turned into endless days and nights of crying, pain, anger…

His eyes. The way he used to look at her used to make her feel naked, undignified, inhuman. An object of sexual pleasure. Love was under-rated.

As she lays there deeply lost in thoughts, a butterfly lands on her hand, drawing her back from the past into the present. Without moving she watches this beautiful orange butterfly, fluttering its wings, full of vitality. She cannot help but wonder. First a caterpillar, then a cocoon, then a butterfly. Nothing in a caterpillar suggests the beauty of a butterfly. A miracle.

Her heart flutters with amazement. She recognises herself in this beau-tiful butterfly.She recalls herself as a caterpillar. Growing up, not much appreciating the beauty of life, falling for the wrong guy, giving in to untrue promises.

She recalls herself as a cocoon. Held in captivity. Wanting to fly but couldn’t. Wanting to reach higher but her cocoon kept her stuck in the same place.

She now sees herself as this butterfly. Free. Able to rely on herself. Able to trust who she believes is true and genuine. Able to fly away and re-fuse anything that she feels is not right for her.

She raises her hand up and the butterfly takes off. She watches it flying

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up high, dancing to the rhythm of life, enlightening the way.

She gets up and starts walking slowly through the heavenly smelling green grass, watching the breeze washing over the beautiful yellow flowers, helping them emit wonderful flowery fragrances.

She finds herself near a river, water flowing slowly and steadily. She leans down onto the grass and looks at her reflection in the water. She looks directly into her own eyes and recognises a survivor. A strong woman irrespective of her small body frame. She sees the Goddess within her. She has found herself.

She reaches into the river’s water, cups her hands and pulls up river water onto her face and her hair. She feels refreshed. Reborn. Alive. One with nature. She pulls back her hair and uncovers the old scar. No need to hide it. It is part of who she is. It shows her strength and deter-mination. It shows that she has come a long way.

She has no regrets. Her past has transformed her into the beautiful woman she is today. Her heart is pure. She has no hate. No anger. No sadness. All is as it should be. She is true to whom she has become. She is free. She is alive.

She seeks to help others going through what she has been through her-self. She seeks to give them hope, her testimony being her own life. She seeks to empower other women who have lost touch of who they truly are. She seeks to empower every woman in need to find the God-dess within her. She knows that she can also help any other victim of abuse find his/her own worth, because no matter who the victim is, he/she just needs to find his/her own worth and believe.

We are all a wonderful creation. We are all unique. We are all meant to shine.

Find the courage within you to overcome any obstacles you may be fac-ing right now. Do not be afraid to shine just to avoid others feeling inse-cure because of you. Do your thing. Be who you truly are. Find yourself and shine for the world to see. Be a guiding light to those who are in need of a ray of hope. Be that light…Be yourself.

We have now reached the end of this book. I hope you have found it helpful. Do practice the exercises mentioned in this book on a daily ba-

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sis. The more you do them, the faster you heal from your past experi-ences.

No matter where you stand right now, know that you can do this. It de-pends on no one else but you! You have the key to your own life. You are the sole author of your story. It is up to you to make your story a safe, enjoyable, happy and positive one!

Always remember to love yourself. Respect yourself for what has been, and stand strong for what you truly believe in.

Be yourself. Find your worth. Live life to the full…

Heal Your Life…Forever!

Much Love & Light to you,

Claire Galea

http://HealYourLifeForever.com

https://www.facebook.com/HealYourLifeForever