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Healthy Tools

PART 1 PLEASURE

• New series – Healthy tools for life a) Complex Trauma healing requires teaching

about 3 things i. Self-awareness - How it has affected a

person – view of self, thinking, coping, relationships – toolbox of survival tools that don’t work in creating a healthy life

ii. What healthy looks like iii. Tools to attain a healthy life

b) Series on (ii) and (iii). Use the 12 Needs as a guide

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1. 12 Needs/Drives 1. Pleasure, no pain 2. Food, water and shelter - Physical 3. Sex/procreation 4. Relationships, attachment, belonging, intimacy 5. Love, respect, nurture, acceptance, forgiveness,

tenderness 6. Security – provision, protection, consistency,

justice, boundaries 7. Purpose/significance – vocation, learning,

hobbies

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8. Rest, a stress-free, hassle-free existence 9. Beauty 10.Awe, WOW! Adrenalin Rush 11.Spiritual, God • All of these appetites provide us the ingredients of

a healthy, meaningful life. If all 11 drives exist in balance, we will feel contentment and wholeness. If one of these is missing, it creates in us a final drive.

12.Contentment, Satisfaction, Wholeness, Joy, Serenity

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2. Contrast – living in survivor mode (unsafe environment) vs safe mode a) WWII – Holland –occupied by German soldiers

• Soldiers take food, help themselves to whatever they want, bully people (you notice that those who cry get it worse)

b) Survivor mode i. No place for morals. You lie and steal to

survive. Morals lead to starvation. Shut down conscience

ii. No place for love - caring about others. Learn how to use and manipulate people

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iii. No place for emotions – make weak c) Result – stayed alive physically, but something in

them died i. Became less than human ii. So shut down, don’t feel much except anger

d) Problem – something in them still has needs i. Respect – get it through causing people to fear

you ii. Loyalty – make people afraid to be disloyal iii. Note: Trying to get needs met, but not in

meaningful or healthy ways

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iv. Pleasure – through artificial means. Felt pain and emptiness inside, so brain looked for happiness in external. “If only I had/was this …., I would be happy”

v. Note: Complex Trauma reduces our capacity for healthy pleasure; distorts pleasure system

3. Our brain is wired for pleasure a) Brain chemicals – dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin,

endorphins vs cortisol b) If in pain, constantly looking for an escape c) The goal of experiencing pleasure guides many of

our decisions

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4. What purpose does pleasure serve? a) Keeping the human race alive and growing

• Need food and water, and sex b) Reward for good behaviour – makes us want to

repeat that behaviour – positive reinforcement c) Let’s us know when we are functioning in the area

of our talents and abilities d) Helps us cope/persevere – pleasure reward

coming if I hang in there e) Greatest pleasure comes from relationship

connection - How life was designed to be

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5. Types of pleasure – physical (food, drink, sex), emotional, intellectual, relational (love, intimacy), spiritual (worship, intimacy with God)

6. Vitally important fact – pleasure doesn’t equal true happiness a) CT – don’t experience pleasure from healthy b) Addiction – pursuing pleasure (the high), but

feeling empty and many negative emotions c) In fact, a hedonist (someone who lives to pursue

pleasure – much like an addict) often end up very unhappy. They don’t experience true happiness

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7. Pleasure vs True Happiness a) Pleasure – rush of dopamine, instant

gratification, limbic brain i. Created by perfect external world, or artificial

chemicals, or activities ii. What the world offers as the recipe for

happiness – indulge appetites, feed limbic brain – whatever makes you feel good

iii. Note: this requires numbing out negative emotions

iv. Idol – looking to one thing to make your life satisfying

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b) True Happiness – internal world is healthy i. Important needs are met ii. Clear conscience – guilt resolved iii. Forgive self iv. Connection – (this is the starting ingredient for

true happiness) - self, others, God v. Includes accepting love from self, others and God vi. Surrender vii. Trust – because can’t handle life all alone viii. Has morality – if we don’t love, we aren’t truly

happy ix. Requires boundaries and self-control

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8. Happiness and Boundaries PLEASURE - PART 1

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Unhealthy – Use for wrong purpose – instant gratification, but painful long-term painful consequences

Healthy Use of Gifts – use within design

a) Note: One purpose for parents - To train the limbic brain and conscience • To create painful consequences when child does

something that violates love, even though it gives instant gratification, so that they don’t repeat that behaviour

b) Natural consequences – built into harmful decisions • Purpose of hangover – overindulgence might

give instant gratification, but it results in negative consequence. So play the tape to the end next time

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9. The starting point for experiencing pleasure a) The greatest pleasure is not physical. It is the

result of intimate relationships. It does not come in isolation

b) Pleasure is usually a byproduct of pursuing the right stuff – virtue, service, healthy relationships, selfless giving

c) As soon as I make pleasure my goal, I lose it d) Live within healthy boundaries in the use of each

gift – food, sex, work, money, etc e) Enjoy these gifts in a balanced way – pleasure has

inherent dangers (to overdo it)

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16

• Best Bible illustration of Complex Trauma – Israel, after they came out of 400 years of slavery in Egypt – I want to gradually study it together

• Tonight – the person chosen to lead this group – Moses – and how God prepared him

1. Background a) Pharaoh had ordered the death of every Hebrew

boy at the time of birth b) Moses’ parents hid him in bulrushes in Nile c) Found by Pharaoh’s daughter – raised for a few

years by his biological parents d) Then trained in palace

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e) Jewish Historian, Josephus, tells us that Moses received the best training possible in education, military – he was being groomed for greatness

f) Don’t know when he found out he was a Jew, but at some point he did. Started visiting the building sites where the slaves were working and was increasingly upset by how they were treated

g) One day, when he was around 40, he stepped in to stop a taskmaster from beating a slave. Things got out of hand and Moses killed the man. He quickly buried him in the sand

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h) Next day, saw two slaves fighting, and tried to intervene. One said, “Who made you a judge over us? I saw you kill that taskmaster yesterday.”

i) Moses figures that everybody knows and is filled with fear. Figures that Egyptian leaders will find out, and he will be executed. Flees. Goes to the place no one will look for him – the desert

j) Spent 40 years there taking care of sheep. Got married, had a family

k) At 80, God appears to him in a burning bush, and tells him to lead Israel out of slavery

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l) Moses protests - doesn’t think he is qualified 2. The Training

a) Moses went through a crushing experience at 40 (he lost everything, failed greatly), followed by 40 difficult years

b) “Gethsemane” – “Olive press” i. Where olives were pressed – olive oil ii. Jesus pressed – pressure was so great, red

drops of blood were being squeezed out c) Grapes also crushed in order to make wine d) “I have never met anyone who was exceptional

at anything, who didn’t have some

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experience where they were crushed.” e) Crushing – times of intense stress; times of despair

– circumstances are too difficult, and it looks like we can’t make it – we fear it will destroy us; dreams are crushed; the pain is intense; it feels like God has abandoned us; it feels like God is cruel – he gave us dreams and got our hopes up, and now it all seems impossible; friends don’t understand what we’re going through, we feel all alone; we have no idea how to move forward. Our weakness is exposed. It is the lowest time of our life

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f) We would never experience the benefits of Jesus’ life unless he was crushed

g) Crushing changes something deep inside of us i. At 40 – Moses seems confident in his abilities ii. At 80 – self-confidence seems to have

disappeared iii. When he finally leads Israel, he knows he has

ability, but he knows that is not enough – he desperately needs God. He will never succeed if God does not provide special grace, wisdom and strength

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3. Crushing and Complex Trauma a) Complex Trauma is living under constant

pressure - living with constant crushing pressure b) Problem – it doesn’t usually produce the

beautiful results that it produced in Moses because people go into survival mode – F, F, F; instead of trusting God. Instead of creating a beautiful soul, it misshapes the soul

c) The challenge today – when the pressure is on, instead of going to F,F,F, trust God

d) Moses, women getting water for sheep

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3. Crushing and Complex Trauma a) Complex Trauma is living under constant

pressure. It is living with constant crushing pressure

b) Problem – it doesn’t usually produce the beautiful results that it produced in Moses because people go into survival mode – F, F, F; instead of trusting God. Instead of creating a beautiful soul, it misshapes the soul

c) The challenge today – when the pressure is on, instead of going to F,F,F, trust God

PLEASURE - PART 1

PLEASURE | PART 1