HeinOnline -- 17 Student Law. 24 1988-1989

A would-be lawyer

endures the greenhouse-

and the madhouse-

effect in a tough

training season.

What more can he take?

Only the bar

S ometime around the reelection of

Ronald Reagan to the presidencyof the United States, the authorof this tale applied to law school.

Gaining admission to a school whoserecruitment materials he found suffi-ciently pretentious, he compounded theeffects of that decision by subsequentlyattending that school and graduatingpromptly three years later. Little did herealize, during those heady days of 1984,that deep in the remotest crevices of hisravenously ambitious noodle had begunto nest a horror-a terror borne of theknowledge that, even four years later,he would have to sit for the New YorkState Bar Examination. That terror, long

little more than a nascent zygote, none-theless would slowly grow and flourish,gnawing away at both his soul and hispersonal hygiene until, in the scorchingblast furnace that was the summer of1988, he'd get it over with already.

This is his story.

Tuesday, May 24The eleven days since graduation havebeen anything but relaxed. First wasthe drive to Jersey from Chicago in ahigh-powered touring sedan, the classic1982 Subaru GL. Then came three har-rowing blind dates (whose sponsors ap-parently thought the "blind" part wasmeant as a reference to my own 20-

Illustration by C.B. Murphy Student Lawyer

HeinOnline -- 17 Student Law. 24 1988-1989

400 vision), perpetual unpacking, andarguing with the post office. Todaywould be something new. Today wouldbe the first meeting I would attend ofthe live lecture of the Pieper Bar Re-view, with a thousand other devoteesin the vast auditorium of the Boroughof Manhattan Community College.

Before being seated, I am handed athick silver book of practice questionswhich would later become a perpetualand hated companion. I have come pre-pared with a couple of pens and a na-ively-chosen notebook, the latter ofwhich contains only enough paper forperhaps three or four lectures. I willeventually switch to looseleaf paper and

a clipboard, leaving the voluminousnotes from past classes safely at home.

The standard operating procedurefor well over 95 percent of the atten-dees is verbatim transcription of everyword John Pieper says for four hoursa night (which includes a fifteen-min-ute break in the middle), as well as sev-eral six-hour lectures. The main messageof the first lecture is that the lecturenotes are to be the bread and butter ofthis course.

Some courses rely heavily on very ex-tensive materials (which have to be re-turned after the course was over),supplemented by law-school style lec-tures by various area experts. Those

students learn by boiling down thematerials into outlines and practice ex-ams, the way you ideally learn in lawschool.

Our materials, except for the prac-tice materials, are meant to be used aspaperweights. Our area specialists areall John Pieper. Our method is basedon trust (well, trust and $950): Trustthat John has accurately and ade-quately done all the thinking for us, allthe analysis and all the compressed re-synthesis, and all we have to do is learnit cold. COLD.

I leave that night with a tired righthand and in something of a state ofshock at the vast amount of material

March 1989


Mnemonics are a great wayto learn the elements of causesof actions. The problem isthat if I could memorize thatmuch material, I would havegone to medical school

we've covered. We segued from NewYork jurisdiction into New York'sstatutes of limitation and venue rules,and this was about 1/35th of the ma-terial we would be responsible for atthe end of several weeks. Did everyonereally learn all the material? Is it reallyhumanly possible? Was there still timefor me to go into an easy profession-nuclear physics, maybe?

Sunday, June 12I set today to catch up with all the sub-stantive "daily" quizzes in the silver bookand to begin work on the practice Mul-tistate questions in areas we'd alreadycovered-"Multistate Contracts,""Multistate Torts," and "MultistateRealty" (though that last would have tobe supplemented by Future Interests andTrusts before we would be prepared tobegin the property questions).

I was glad to see that most of thetorts and contracts stuff was review.Sometimes I got the impression thiscourse was meant for people who nev-er went to law school. I'd get frustratedwhen John would repeatedly labor overa point such as what battery is until Icame to the realization, through casualeavesdropping and crowd reactions,that some people in the room werelearning it for the very first time. Later,during subjects such as Negotiable In-struments and Bankruptcy, the shoewould be on the other foot as I woulddiscover that everyone on earth hadtaken these courses in school, while Ipondered such mysteries as EconomicAnalysis of Law and Jurisprudence.

I do well on the quizzes. Most of thequestions are gimmes, meant to rein-force the materials covered in the lec-tures, while some questions are impos-sible to answer-minor points notcovered which we're expected to learn

from taking the quiz itself. John thinkswe're doing these as we finish each top-ic when we get home at night. But whenthe lecture ends at ten, I have to headtwo blocks downtown to the WorldTrade Center to catch the PATH trainto Jersey City, whence I pick up my carand do the hour's drive on the Turn-pike south to Exit 8. When I get homebetween 11:15 and 11:30, having spentthe last seven or so hours in either vir-tual nonstop writing or nonstop radar-dodging, I'm not too inclined to takea pop quiz. I watch "The Odd Couple"while I eat dinner alone.

Wednesday, June 22I'm beginning to put a substantialamount of time on Multistate practice.Multistate panic has set in among theclass, with sordid tales of how Multis-tate Is Everything filtering into the roomfrom the many who took supplementalMultistate courses. (While a disaster onMultistate is almost impossible toovercome, it's still less than half theNew York score. The rest is based onthe six essays covering about 30 dif-ferent subjects and 50 totally unpre-dictable multiple-choice questions.)

I'm depending on constant practiceboth in the silver book and from thebook provided by another course, onsale in the lobby of BMCC for a rea-sonable fee, by arrangement with John,who recommends that we buy one ofthe Multistate course's books and, ifwe're uptight about "Princeton ETS"-type tests, take a Multistate course aswell, the latter of which I decline todo. I do fifteen or twenty questions ata stretch, read the explanation on theones I get wrong (I should also readabout the ones I got right, since as oftenas not you're right for the wrong rea-son), and do another twenty. I'm pretty

pleased at the scores, once I get usedto the idea that almost no one getsmuch more than 50 percent on theProperty and Contracts questions. Imake it up on Torts, and focus on im-proving my Evidence and Constitu-tional Law scores.

By now we've also handed in severalpractice essays. Throughout my schoolcareer I have found nothing so arduousas doing practice tests of any kind. Theyare surely the best way to learn anysubject, of course, but they require vol-untarily subjecting oneself to test con-ditions-something called discipline.

I have been cheating. Since Day OneI have been behind in memorizing thefamous Pieper Mnemonics: Who mayreceive service of process to effectivelyserve a corporation? A MAC DOG per-son: Assistant cashier, Managing agent,Agents authorized to accept service,Cashier, Directors, Officers, Generalagents. There are hundreds of these,some of them (like A MAC DOG) quiteuseful and not too hard to remember.Others are unnecessary from a practicalpoint of view-just listing things forthe sake of listing them. Some are mad-dening for their arbitrariness-"RCSLIRP [sic]," "F SMARTLEYS"-orbecause the element we're trying to re-member is imbedded deep in a phrasefor which the initial may or may notserve to jar the memory: Defenses to abreach of contract claim-IDIAMIN-the N stands for "Nonlegalcontract," which we've been calling"illegal" all along. But on the whole,the mnemonics-someone told methere were around 160 of them-are agreat way to learn the elements of anddefenses to causes of actions, and othercategories.

The problem is that if I could mem-orize that much material, I would havegone to medical school. Finally realiz-ing the mnemonics method was of lim-ited use to me, I endeavor just to"learn" the material-to recognize theelements when I see them in a fact pat-tern, and to know their substantivebases. John believes that on the examwe should list-vertically-all the ele-ments of any category that could apply.At least one "essay-writing" instructorfrom a rival course said that was a badidea. I don't know and I don't have tochoose. Since I can't remember themnemonics, I'm not about to list them.On the practice exams, though, I tryJohn's method, but cheat by lookingat mnemonics flashcards. (The flashcards are harping back to my last suc-

Student Lawyer


cessful efforts at memorization-first-year torts. But there aren't 160 torts.)

The first exam, which focuses onservice of process, establishment of jur-isdiction, and similar procedural mat-ters, gets me my best grade: I list all themnemonics and touch most of the im-portant points. But thereafter, mypractice exam grades go downhill. I de-cide not to worry about it.

Thursday, July 14Our last lecture. The previous threelectures have run five hours, becausewe had to catch up, and some peopleare wondering if perhaps fewer charm-ing stories about Damien, Troy, andChristina-John's three children, all ofwhom, he claims, know New York'sstatutes of limitations by heart-andtheir nonlegal exploits might have savedus the painful exhaustion of almost fivehours of feverish scribbling. I say "non-legal" exploits, because John and hisfamily are inevitably the characters inmany of his illustrative examples (whichare never meant to be written down-they're "not for your notes-con-cept"). Most of us realize, though, thatwe can pay now or pay later-we weregrateful for the Little League storiesand the break from note-taking theyprovided at the time. By now we're allso hyped up we're probably better suit-ed to suck down vast amounts of ma-terial anyway.

All I know is that my usual fifteenpages per night have expanded toaround 25 (and my handwriting's com-pact-most folks probably take abouttwice as many pages as I did), and yes,my hand hurts like hell. John pointsout that on the bar exam we'll havetwo three-hour sets of nonstop writing(New York doesn't allow typewriters),for which we'll all be in great shape.

Of course, "nonstop writing" as-sumes that we have plenty to say oneach essay. We learn that the worstthing that can happen on a exam is foryou to have no idea what they're talk-ing about. As with law school exams,getting the answer "right" is somewhatless important than displaying your rec-ognition and knowledge of the issuesin the problem. John has tried to getus, by learning the mnemonics, to beable to spout material on any subject,not just to be able to pick a right an-swer out. Even a mnemonics disastersuch as myself has learned how to dothis. The main study method-moreimportant even than the mnemonicsand on a par with practicing-is, as

John said, reviewing the notes over andover and over and over and over.

They become sickeningly familiar,John's often strained syntax and ob-vious examples being drummed into in-creasingly dissipated neurons. Johnpredicts that we'll hear his voice as wewrite the bar exam, but I find insteadthat, like Talmudists who can describeon which quadrant of a given page tofind a datum, I am seeing pictures ofthe handwriting I had come to de-spise-my own.

Between now and the exam, Johntells us he expects us to go through thenotes two more times. That's not toohard. If it were just a matter of time ittakes to do that, I could review thenotes four times. But that would resultin a cerebral cortex resembling a raisin,probably of limited use on the exam.The problem is the incessant repeti-tion, the stultifying boredom, and theRule Against Perpetuities.

By tonight most of us have, as ex-pected, come to feel a sort of affectionfor John. He comes across as a prettynice guy. He wishes us Godspeed with abreak in his voice that seems sincere.and we stream out for the last time intothe putrid, steamy summer air of theBattery. For the next two weeks, we'reon our own.

The Last Twelve DaysHundreds of Multistate questions passbefore me; Redacre, Greenacre, andWhiteacre form a vast but bleak pan-orama in my mind as buyers named Byerand Sellers named Seller breach or don'tbreach contracts or non-contracts,surfing on merchant memoranda acrossa sea of future interests. My fat loose-leaf full of notes is like heroin to ajunkie: a constant companion, alwayswithin reach, and yet utterly despised

and a source of anything but pleasure.Around the house, Mom and Dad

have gotten the message that I am notto be asked to take out the garbage orwater the lawn. That doesn't mean Iwork nonstop. I take time off, both in-between "sets" and sometimes forchunks of hours. I know I wouldn'tlearn anything if I try to crank awaytwelve hours a day. My system justwon't take it. There's probably notmuch more a radical change than thatbetween the languor of third year andthe fervor of bar review. But, for thefirst time in my life, if I sit down anddo nothing for a few minutes, the in-ference that I have "time on my hands"and am available for errands is notmade. I am in an exalted state-likeMoses about to receive the Law onMount Sinai, without food or drink for40 days and 40 nights. Unlike Moses,I don't think I have the heart to go upthe mountain and do this twice.

The summer of 1988 is the hottestsummer in the history of North Amer-ica. Luckily for me, both my home andmy car are well-air-conditioned. Oneday during the last week before theexam, I come into Manhattan to studywith a law school classmate, who livesin an un-air-conditioned closet ("stu-dio") on the West Side. Sweat pouringout of every square inch of body sur-face, we drill each other on the differ-ence between exceptions to the hear-say rule and evidence which is nothearsay at all (and when New York andthe Federal Rules of Evidence see thedistinction differently); when impeach-ment of a witness by his VIC (Vicious,Immoral, and Criminal) acts is avail-able; When the right of counsel at-taches; New York's rejection of theGood Faith Exception to the Exclu-sionary Rule; and which kind of pen

March 1989

Hundreds of Multistatequestions pass before me in ableak panorama as buyersnamed Byer and sellers namedSeller breach or don't breachcontracts or non-contracts


A series of muffled, irregulargroans from the front of theroom reveal themselves to benot a malfunctioning airconditioner, but the voiceof the head proctor

would be most efficacious on the exam. haven't seen since graduation day inI probably sweated ten pounds that Chicago more than two months ago. It

day, but I gained a world of confidence seems the whole world is descendingas, listening to myself, I came to the on the Javits Center.realization that I had learned a hell of And it looks like there's enougha lot of stuff. Cold. room for the whole world. The build-

ing is capacious, but sterile. I am sur-Tuesday, July 26 prised to see that the hundreds of as-8:30 A.M. sembled examinees do not emanateIt's another fetid morning in Manhat- dread and anxiety, as I expect. Every-tan as I walk cross-town from the room one looks pretty normal-everyone,I rented on West 43rd Street to the that is, except my friend with the un-Jacob Javits Convention Center on the air-conditioned apartment, who is sit-island's western edge. As I pass the fur- ting, crumpled and ferret-like, amidstriers and delicatessens I begin to notice a pile of books and papers-cramming,a slow aggregation of other young peo- fifteen minutes before E-Hour. Whenple also walking westward, some car- I call out to him that it's probably arying lunch and otherscarrying shop- little late for cramming, the normallypings bags emblazoned with "BAR/ chipper and effervescent ScotsmanBRI." I meet a law school classmate I makes it clear through gritted teeth that

London 1988/89

Take your place in the world'sbest international law class-r<o1)m-Lond(0.

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Application for admission tothe programme will be ac-cepted from second and third%ear students. Classes will beheld on the campus of Re-gent's College in central Lon-don. Room and board

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For further information andan application, w rite or phone:

Dean Bernard DobranskiUniversitN of DetroitSchool of LawLondon Law Programme651 E. Jefferson AvenueDetroit, Michigan 48226(313) 961-5444

I should do things my way and he'll dothings his way. I steer clear and towardsthe exam room.

All three of the Javits Center's ex-hibition rooms are being used for thebar exam (while a diamond conventionoccupies the upper hall), and the mod-ular dividers between them have beenopened up so as to make the vastnessall the more intimidating. I feel verysmall, sitting at a seat at one ofhundreds-probably thousands-ofidentical tables, each one of whichwould seat two examinees. I go to myassigned seat, where a kindly Irishlady-one of hundreds of kindly Irishladies in the room doing the samething-introduces herself and tells meshe is the proctor for my area. Even-tually, my tablemate joins me, a youngwoman who remarks that we have thesame last name. I figure there must beat least two of every name in the room.

Slowly, every single man, woman, andchild taking the New York State barexam in the First Judicial Department(Manhattan) files into the room. A ser-ies of muffled, irregular groans fromthe front of the room reveal themselvesto be not a malfunctioning air condi-tioner but the voice of the head proc-tor as transmitted by what passes to bea public address system in this mostmodern and up-to-date facility. Her in-structions are almost completely lost,but it doesn't really matter. Everyonein this room has taken enough stand-ardized mass examinations in her lifeto have a pretty good idea of what'sgoing on.

Shortly before we begin, I rememberthat I forgot something. New York's50 computer-scored multiple choicequestions require a pencil-and I for-got to bring one. Today was etched inmy mind as "essay day," and I onlybrought a pen. John has supplied uswith mechanical pencils for Multistate,but had neglected to remind us to takethem with us on the first day. This onlyproves that I have become a Pieper ma-chine, thinking only what John tells meto think which would be comforting,if I had a pencil.

Luckily, my namesake on the otherend of the table has come well pre-pared. Swallowing my pride, I tell herof my stupid mistake, and she gener-ously offers me a pencil, which I returnto her at the break despite her insist-ence that I keep it for the second setof 25 after lunch. As a matter of pride,I go into the hallway during lunch andbeg one off a law school classmate, so

Student Lawyer

F The University of Detroit I


at least I don't seem utterly resource-less to a fellow Coleman.

9:15 A.M.Finally, after seemingly endless and gar-bled verbatim readings of standardizedinstructions, we are instructed to be-gin. Strangely, this moment-which hasbeen something of a reality to me sincethe very day the neighbors decided thatI was so annoying that I should be alawyer-is without drama. Like atrained commando, I have been drainedof emotion by constant drilling andsimulation, and now, despite the warn-ings that "this is not a drill," I coollyspring into action-a veritable killingmachine of law.

The first order of business is to pol-ish off the multiple-choice questions.You can always add something to theessays later, but those 25 ovals have tobe filled in or there'll be no credit forthem. I dispose of them, somewhatalarmed that they're so tough, but feel-ing I probably covered them all right-or at least as well as 70 percent of theother people in the room. For, as Johnreminded us, when you're sitting therehaving a moment of doubt, ask your-self, Aren't I as well-prepared as 50 per-cent of the people in here? (That givesus a 20 percent margin of error-andalso allows him to use the same spielon the winter group, whose pass rateis usually not the 65-70 percent of thesummer group but around 50 percent.)And of course, I am sure that I am.

The first essay is a contracts ques-tion-a page and a quarter of facts, andthree parts. Issues-Has a contract beenformed? Parties rights and recourses? Areal estate contract is thrown in-Stat-ute of Frauds? Offer and acceptance? Ifill the pages up with law, even thoughI'm not entirely positive of all the con-clusions, and proceed on.

So it goes. Methodically, I plowthrough each essay, spending an equalamount of time on each, leaving me 20or so minutes at the end to check mywork, refine some sentences, throw insome extra law, breathe, and exult. Notonly have I had plenty to say on eachessay, but one of the three is basicallya rewrite of the first practice essay Ihad done so well on six weeks earlier:The issues and, yes, the mnemonicscome flowing back: Service of process:MOP basis for jurisdiction, DIAL DCminimum contacts, AL RAN service onout-of-state parties, PADS Court meth-ods of service, and A MAC DOG per-son on whom service to a corporation

Like a commando, I have beendrained of emotion by constantdrilling and simulation, andnow, despite the warnings that"This is not a drill," I coollyspring into actic

may be effectuated. I would not re-member so many mnemonics on lateressays, but this one, almost identical tothat practice essay and full of mne-monics that we had gone over so manytimes that even a swiss-cheese brainsuch as myself could remember them,have me walking on air all the way tolunch to Boychik's. It's a lot of air be-tween here and 45th and Sixth, but inthis- weather you either walk on it or

swim through it. I take a cab back tothe Javits Center.

After lunch, the resignation is re-placed by eagerness, which is soonshunted aside by mild terror. The after-noon essays feature the guaranteed ap-pearance of the dreaded and mysteri-ous Rule Against Perpetuities. Havingspotted the issue, I scratch out some-thing about measuring lives in being andvested interests, hope I hit the mark

March 1989

McGeorge School of Law • University of the PacificIS PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THAT

Associate Justice Anthony M. Kennedyof the Supreme Court of the United States

WILL TEACH AT THE

London Institute on International Businessand Commercial Law • London, England

July 1-24, 1989

Justice Kennedy together with A.W. Bradley, Professor andFormer Dean of the Faculty of Law, University of Edinburgh,will teach the course Fundamental Rights in Europe and theUnited States.

Other courses offered are International Business Transactions,International Commercial Litigation, International Sale ofGoods and Trade with Japan.

For more information call toll-free • 1 (800) THE GLOBETelefax (916) 739-7111 or Write: Registrar, McGeorge School of

Law, 3200 Fifth Avenue, Sacramento, CA 95817


At the New Jersey exam, I feellike Superman, having enduredthe notorious New York essayswithout afterwards trying towalk home across the Hudson,my sanity apparently intact

right, and deal with the rest of theproblem. On the inevitable wills prob-lem, another sore spot we knew wascoming, I struggle a little for material,but come up with what seem like anadequate number of pages. "NewYork's exam is a hell of a lot harder totake than to pass," a lawyer-friendwould say to me later.

Still this session also has a gift forme. As one of the few people in Pie-per's class who has religiously read al-most all of the "Pieper Appellate Alerts"(it was my atonement for being so lousywith the mnemonics), I recognize, inthe criminal law/Miranda essay, a sit-uation virtually identical to a case inthe alert. It involves voluntary out-bursts by a suspect in police custodybut not represented by counsel-spe-cifically, outbursts as a result of the

suspect's responding to something hehas heard over the police radio. I knowit is admissible, and let the examinersknow that I know the case they havein mind. After the final bell sounds, Ifeel as good as I imagined I could have,and head into the sunset back to NewJersey on the commuter bus. Multi-state, and then New Jersey's essays, layahead.

DenoumentSince I live in New Jersey, it was thenatural choice for my second bar. Noone knew of anyone who had passedNew York and failed New Jersey. LikeConnecticut, Massachusetts, and al-most every state but New York andCalifornia (and the forbidding Napo-leonic legal swamps of Louisiana), Johnexplains that New Jersey isn't out to

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trick you or test whether you knowabout the 45-day limit for an omnibusmotion (which, yes, was on the NewYork crim essay). It's like the differ-ence between hardball and sip-pitch:While New York's looking for thestrikeout, these states let you put theball in play.

To save on another night's room rentin New York, and because I don't wantto sleep on any couches or floors dur-ing the bar exam, I also take Multistatein Jersey, along with the Jersey essays.It's a 20-minute drive to the test center,a motel on Route l-a classic NewJersey locale.

The atmosphere at the motel testcenter, much more than the Javits Cen-ter, is relaxed for me, but my fellowGarden Staters are by and large moreuptight, since they still have their firstlook at essays the next day. I, on theother, feel like Superman, having en-dured the notorious New-York essayswithout afterwards trying to walk homeacross the Hudson, my sanity appar-ently intact. I regale the enthralled Jer-seyans with tables of the storied NewYork bar during lunch.

Just as John predicted, I leave Mul-tistate having no idea whatsoever howwell I've done, but grateful for havingpracticed both in small sets and in setsof 100-of which there are two onMultistate Day and hope for the best.

As anticlimactic as you'd care toimagine that's what the New Jerseyessays are like. Not that I'm all overthem. They require some thought. butI feel confident. Here, too, is some-thing of a gift: A question concerningremedies of property owners whoseproperty values are hurt by local zoningdecisions. Having done my senior re-search on the subject, I do a little fancyanalysis in light of the Supreme Court'sPennsylvania Railroad decision.

Having been allowed to type here, Ipack up my machine, and head downRoute 1, feeling not so much exulta-tion or glee as a slowly dawning reali-zation that, hopefully, the longest yardsare behind me. Three weeks later, ofcourse, is the Multistate ProfessionalResponsibility Exam. Does it ever end?I think.

But of course, it does. It really, trulydoes.

Contributing Editor Ron Colemanpassed both the New York and NewJersey bars and now gleefully signs hiscorrespondence "Attorney-at-law."

Student Lawyer


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HeinOnline -- 17 Student Law. 24 1988-1989