How to Be Happy When Your World is Falling Apart

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How To Be Happy When Your World Is FallingApart

It’s fairly easy to be happy when life is treating you well. Butwhat about when the s**t is hitting the fan, you feel like you have no control and nothing is going your way?

Why how you think and feel about it all is your choice.

You can choose to throw your hands in the air, be a victim and forever proclaim the world to be a bad place,out to get people.

Or you can choose to ask what lessons the Universe is sending your way. What lessons have you missed inpast experiences that the Universe is now slamming you over the head with? What lessons do you need tolearn?

You can also ask, “What’s great about this?”

You can make a focused attempt to see the silver lining.

The Power of Choosing Your Attitude

My recent airport adventure is a perfect example. By a freaky turn of events, I missed both of my flights tomy destination by about 30 seconds, despite being at the airport in plenty of time. This resulted in mespending almost eight hours at the airport between flights.

How To Be Happy When Your World Is Falling Apart http://goodlifezen.com/how-to-be-happy-when-your-world-is-falling-apart/

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At first I was angry, in disbelief that this could “happen to me.” I was mad about having to “waste” so muchof my precious time at the airport while having to cancel many plans with friends for that day.

After a few deep breaths, I knew that this thinking would only further damage my trip and my attitude.

I took responsibility for my part in missing the flights which quelled much of my anger (smart phonedistractions be damned!).

My next thought was, “At least I’ll get some writing done.” Because of (self-imposed) pressures of my job, Ihad written precious little the previous couple of months.

I lucked into finding a quiet desk with plugs away from the crazy airport activity and settled in.

I called home to let my husband know what was going on and proceeded to have a deep, very meaningfulconversation that we had been too busy for at home.

I had the time to savor a delicious cup of coffee and some fresh juice.

I wrote almost an entire article in peace.

Then I calmly went to my gate, caught my flight and met my friend on the other end. We had an awesometime reconnecting that evening.

All was well and I had so much more to be grateful for because of the whole experience.

What About When Things Get Really Bad?

The story above may seem trivial in the grand scheme of things that can go wrong. But the principles are thesame, regardless of the situation.

I’ve used the principles below when facing divorce, job loss, major financial difficulties, loss of relationshipswith close family members and other significant crises.

The dramas play out over longer periods of time and are more challenging when other people are involved.

The principles are always the same:

1. You’re not a victim. Take responsibility for your life.

If “these things” keep happening to you or you keep attracting the same kind of negative people, stop beingthe kind of person that attracts those kinds of people and circumstances.

Find people who seem to be immune to these things, spend time with them, study them. Emulate them.

Take responsibility for your part in the situation. This does not mean being the martyr and assumingresponsibility for everything. You’re only taking responsibility for your actions.

2. You can’t control other people or your environment. Stop trying to control.

If other people let you down or don’t do what you expect of them, ask if your expectations are realistic. Ifyou were the other person, would you appreciate someone writing a script for you and getting mad when youdon’t follow it?


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The only thing you can control 100% is you – your thoughts, feelings and actions. Focus on that and let therest go.

You can’t control the results or outcome. You can only do your best and let the Universe handle the rest.

3. Find the joy in the journey.

What’s great about what’s happening?

What are you learning?

How are you better because of what happened?

4. Smile – even when, or especially when, things aren’t going how you would like.

Whenever I’m feeling down, the first thing I do is smile a great, big smile for thirty seconds. It’s hard to feelbad when you’re smiling. If it only helps a little, rinse and repeat as often as it takes.

If you’re doing something that seems difficult (mentally, physically, emotionally or spiritually), smile andrelax your jaw. The task will become much easier.

5. Don’t take anything personally.

Whatever people say and do is all about them. They’re trying to satisfy their own agenda.

If they’re upset with you, it’s because you’re not following the script they wrote for you (and forgot to tellyou about).

If they blame things on you, it’s because they’re not willing to take responsibility for themselves.

If they can’t accept you as you are, it’s because of their own limiting beliefs.

6. Decide to be happy, no matter what.

This doesn’t mean that you should be blissfully happy all the time. How boring.

You need up’s and down’s to keep life exciting. Without challenges, how would you learn and grow? Without negatives, the positives wouldn’t feel as good.

Your attitude toward life has everything to do with your feelings about life. If you have a positive attitudethat things will eventually work out for the best and you act on that belief, you can feel good about thesituation.

You can choose to be happy, regardless of what’s happening around you.

Putting Principles into Practice

I realize that these principles are simple but not always easy to implement. They take practice.

In order to fully implement them in your life in a way that results in more happiness, you’ll need to becomemore mindful, more aware of what’s happening in the moment, without reacting according to your old scripts.

You’ll need to pause in the midst of chaos to take a deep breath and become aware of those old scripts and


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StumbleUpon

consciously change them. At first this might mean simply doing nothing – not reacting, being silent, reflectingin the moment. With practice, you’ll develop alternative responses. Sometimes these will help andsometimes they won’t. Learn from the experience and continue to experiment.

There will never be a point where you’ll always know the perfect thing to say or do that will quickly lead tobliss. There will always be too many new variables with which you’ll contend.

But, with practice, the process of resolving issues and moving away from chaos will become easier. Theseprinciples will guide the way.

About the author:

Paige Burkes inspires her community at Simple Mindfulness to see the world in a new light throughmindfulness. Download her FREE Mindful Living Guide to discover the simple steps you can take to createmore joy, peace and happiness in your life.

Tagged as: happiness, mindfulness, personal responsibility

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Mindfulness In a Bad RelationshipJuly 27, 2013 at 7:54 pm

{ 44 comments }

1 Braja Patnaik July 11, 2013 at 12:39 pm

“Decide to be happy no matter what” – is all that is required to be happy. Thanks for sharing.

2 Paige Burkes July 11, 2013 at 11:28 pm

Exactly Braja! It’s as simple as that. Too often we try to create blocks of why we can’t make thatchoice but it’s always available to us.

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3 Courtney July 11, 2013 at 6:50 pm

I love your perspectives here on this blog. Your way worth words always strikes deep and uncoverssome of those uncomfy places, but instead of leaving that raw, you soothe with a good dose of gentleoptimism. You are so right about all of these tips and once I learned to go through life with them inmind, the whole mess got a lot easier. Wish we could get our kids to see this wisdom before all of thatstruggle they deal with. Great blog!


Thanks so much Courtney! I often wonder why it seems to take so long for most of us to figureout these lessons.

As my husband and I raise our three little ones (ages 3, 7 & 9), my mission is to instill theseprinciples in them by simply being an example. No amount of lecturing or schooling can beeffective. As Gandhi so wisely said: You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

5 Steven of Chicago July 12, 2013 at 8:51 am

Very wise words!

I spent two summers studying meditation in a monastery in Ching Mai, Thailand. You covered one ofthe most important points of my education: You can’t change the environment, you must learn to createyour own environment. And learning to live with discomfort in my life certainly helped me with thehorrible humidity. Ching Mai is the only place on earth where you can get a perm in your sleep.

Bright blessings to you!


Ha! I’m not so sure that Ching Mai is the only place. I grew up in New Orleans where it’snormally quite hot with 98% humidity. I can totally relate.

Some of my most powerful learning experiences have been where I’ve lived in places that werecompletely out of my norm (i.e. city girl living in a tent in the deep woods for over a month).

We create our own physical, mental and emotional environments. We can accept the things wecan’t change (which is most things and people) and choose to be happy or we can resist them andcreate our own little hell for ourselves.

Thanks so much Steven!

7 Vivi July 12, 2013 at 9:36 am

Nice reminders, Paige. I intend to refer back to your post on “those days.” All very true–& tried &


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tested.Thanks! Vivi


Thank you Vivi! Every now and then, when I have one of “those days,” I’ll refer back tosomething I wrote in the past when I need the reminders of how to get myself in a better place.

We all have good days and bad days. Practicing these principles is just that – a practice – that wepractice throughout our lives, usually getting better but never getting perfect.

9 Alain Benoit July 12, 2013 at 10:04 am

always a pleasure to read-I’ve learned that this point of view is exactly how life should be takenhandled and lived, I was told during a hard part of my life that there is no greater shame or pain thanthe abdication of one’s will, that it is better to light a candle than curse the darkness. Life has nothingagainst you – take what happens – stop whinning and be amazing at whatever you do.thank you for sharing these articles.


Exactly Alain! We always have the ability to choose ourselves and take steps toward makingthings better. As I like to say, “Life just lifes along.” It doesn’t make judgments.

Life is whatever we choose to interpret it as. If we don’t make conscious choices, we simplyspread our past experiences and our reactions to those experiences onto our future, even before ithappens. By making presumptions like this, we guarantee that we’ll never be wow’d by what’shappening in the present moment.

Yes, light a candle for your own sake and to light other people’s candles.

11 jared July 12, 2013 at 10:25 am

Great article, thanks for sharing. Perspective is so important as I think the most important part as yousay is the awareness and mindfulness, “You’ll need to pause in the midst of chaos to take a deep breathand become aware of those old scripts and consciously change them.”

When my father suddenly passed away a few years ago, initially I was in shock. But a close friend andspiritual advisor suggested that although tragic, death can also be a beautiful thing. I thought he wascrazy at the time… but it helped me become open to seeing the beauty in something seemingly sad andtragic.

And as you said in #5, don’t take anything personally. That’s been critical in my happiness. Therealization that things happen “around” me not “to me.” It’s a very narcissistic view to think that theworld is out to get me. But it also takes mindfulness and some emotional intelligence to get to a place ofaccepting that truth.


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People often say “things happen for a reason”, but I strongly feel that, in the spirit of the universe,things don’t happen to me but around me and it’s up to me to learn and give meaning to them. Lettingexperiences take me to where I’m supposed to be as opposed to where I’ve simply ended up (e.g.victim).


Jared,

So many wise lessons you’re sharing here! And it sounds like you’ve learned them all from deep,personal experiences.

As I said in my comment to Alain above, life lifes along, doing whatever it’s going to do. Wedecide what that means for us and how we’ll ignore or take advantage of it. I don’t thinkanything “happens to us.” We do and think things to attract the environment we live in.

Thanks so much for your awesome comment!

13 Sharon July 12, 2013 at 12:30 pm

Great article!None of us are immune to adversity in life.“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”~Epictetus


What a perfect quote Sharon! Thanks for sharing it!

15 Fran Sorin July 12, 2013 at 12:31 pm

Dear Paige-You offer some treasures in this post.I’ve learned several lessons over the years and am still learning MANY- but the major one for me is‘don’t take anything personally’. When I catch myself going to an old place of ‘What did I do wrong?’,most of the time I am able to remember the truth that whatever another person’s behavior is ‘it’s notabout you. It’s about them’.

Have a beautiful weekend. Much love -


My dear Fran!This is such a big lesson and sometimes difficult to remember in a variety of situations. Maybeit’s easy to remember when dealing with a certain annoying person but hard to remember when


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dealing with a close friend who’s having a bad day.

I’ll never forget the time a coworker came to me in tears because she had allowed our verballyabusive boss to get to her. She asked me how I always remained so calm around him. I simplyreplied, “The man has issues that have nothing to do with you or me.” I saw that he was the samewith just about everyone but more abusive with the people who seemed to react more strongly tothe abuse. I did’t feed the fire by taking things personally so he learned to focus his negativeenergies elsewhere.

You’re a very wise woman who has learned and lived so many valuable lessons. Fran, you haveso much to give!

Big Hugs!!

17 Grace Catley July 12, 2013 at 6:15 pm

Really rich posts … and a practical warm article.Thanks Paige.I have practiced mindfulness for several years and still need reminding to take responsibility when mybusinesses are going through difficult times.I am smiling right now.


Thanks for sharing your smile Grace! Now I’m smiling too!

None of us are perfect and automatically default to being mindful 24/7. That’s why it’s called apractice. Some days are better than others.

Each day we do our best and that’s the best we can do – and that best changes every day basedon our health, emotions and many other things.

19 Krishana July 13, 2013 at 2:39 am

I am going through a phase where I do not make myself responsible for my action but feel victim. butnow I have realized that I can start new page where I am not victim anymore but a responsible andsmiling person. Many thanks for your advice…its like we know what should be done but it make moresense when it is told by some. thanks again


Thank you Krishana! So often the “easy” choice is to play the victim but it never leads tohappiness because it strips you of all of your power and puts it in the hands of others whom youcan’t control. And then you wonder why those other people (with other agendas) aren’t trying tomake you happy. Quite frankly, they’re only trying to make themselves happy.

Taking responsibility for everything in our lives is empowering and allows us to create our own


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reality and environment. We’re never waiting for someone else to do anything. We accept ourenvironment and others just as they are, without trying to change them to our needs. Then wecontrol our own thoughts, beliefs and actions to craft our own happiness from the inside out.

No one else can ever take our happiness without us willingly giving it to them.

A big SMILE to you Krishana!

21 Krishana July 13, 2013 at 2:39 am

I am going through a phase where I do not make myself responsible for my action but feel victim. butnow I have realized that I can start new page where I am not victim anymore but a responsible andsmiling person. Many thanks for your advice…its like we know what should be done but it make moresense when it is told by some. thanks again

22 Steven Fabian July 13, 2013 at 1:46 pm

Thanks Paige for these great tips. The problem with these methods is exactly what you said: they are sosimple, yet they are so hard to implement sometimes. That’s why they take a TON of daily practice,and why I think most people give up on them after a while: after the initial feel-good moment they tryto live by these rules for a day and when the first obstacle presents itself, they forget about everythingyou say in this post and all goes back to normal… Too bad.

One solution could be to make a challenge out of it. Instead of looking at these tips as strict rules orlimitations, you could try to look at it as a way of challenging yourself. For example you could make a“10 day positivity challenge” to stay positive for 10 days and ignore all the little annoyances thathappen during the days and so on… For me this usually works much better than trying to force myselfto be positive about everything all the time.

Thanks again for sharing this,Steve


The 10 Day Challenge sounds like a great idea Steve! It reminds me of how Sybil Chavis atPossibility of Today got started. She challenged herself to not complain (verbally or to herself)for 30 days. She says that it changed her life.

I think it’s impossible for anyone to remain 100% consistent with all the principles 100% of thetime. We’re human and can get flung off course by things we never expected.

These ideas are part of a practice where some days we remember them and follow them to thebest or our abilities and other days, we’re knocked off our feet and it all goes out the window. Achallenge would certainly help for reinforcement!

24 Nina nour July 14, 2013 at 4:49 am


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I love this article and really appreciate it! It`s always not very easy to put things from knowledge intoPractice, but the more you try, the more you will succeed. I`m sure! It`s truth, that whatever happen,don`t let anyone to “take you” into his/ her scheme of behavior.“If they can’t accept you as you are, it’s because of their own limiting beliefs.”


Many true statements there Nina! Practice, practice, practice and don’t take anything personally.

26 Napoleon Nalcot July 20, 2013 at 6:55 am

I really enjoyed reading this brilliant post. We all need this kind of insights as we continue to take thenext step in this partially unstable but challenging life we’ve trekking.

Happiness, for me, is just this world’s substitute for joy. Joy is spiritual while happiness is material. Wecan be joyful even when we’re not happy.

It’s a mind over matter thing. Our attitude can neutralize all the negativity this life has to offer if weknow how to use it. I say “control” it to our advantage.

For though some things and situations are beyond our control, yet we can always try to control ourattitude towards them and, consequently, change their effects on us for the best.


It sounds like you speak from experience Napoleon. Yes, we can’t control the craziness going onaround us but we can certainly control our attitude and how we perceive it. In doing that, wecontrol how we feel about it and ourselves. Ultimately, all we can control is ourselves.

28 Ion Doaga July 20, 2013 at 11:01 am

Great post!

At this point I just lost my job and I feel in a shaky situation (until I find a new job).

When challenges like this happen in my life, I become very disciplined and active. I know that if don’tfind a way out of this situation, no one will do it for me.

I don’t like the feeling I have right now and I want it to last too long. So I better move fast right now.

Thanks for an encouraging article!


Ion,


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It’s great that you take responsibility for what happens next in your life! Yes, it is up to you tocreate change.

I totally understand the shaky feeling with the monkey mind playing up all the fears and “whatif’s.” Knowing that most of those “what if’s” will never happen and that you’re doing your bestand taking action toward something better can help to calm those shaky feelings.

I see those times in life where our world seems to be completely shaken up as a new beginning ofsomething awesome. Given your attitude, I know that’s true for you.

Many blessings through this changing time and beyond!

30 Ion Doaga July 20, 2013 at 4:34 pm

Thanks!!

31 Ion Doaga July 20, 2013 at 4:38 pm

Yep, a lot of what if’s now in my mind.

Thanks!!

32 Dems July 25, 2013 at 12:18 am

“Find people who seem to be immune to these things, spend time with them, study them. Emulatethem.”

I have been learning the importance of mentors lately and I have begun to see some results as I spendmore time with people who are already doing the things I want to be doing! Your statement remindedme of this. Thanks Paige.


That’s awesome that you’re working with mentors Dems! This is so important for so manyreasons, a few of which are accountability, motivation, inspiration, knowledge, self-confidence,support and constructive challenge. Mentors are especially important when others in your lifedon’t understand or support what you’re trying to accomplish.

34 Ashley P August 5, 2013 at 6:33 pm

Great article! When my plans are not going according to schedule I like to remember the saying it’s notabout the destination but rather the journey.

35 Ravi August 7, 2013 at 2:44 am


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I completely agree with the last point that one has to decide that he/she wants to be happy. Once it isdone, you will find out ways to be happy.

36 Courtney Wilson September 10, 2013 at 12:26 am

I agree that the first step is deciding to be happy. But I also believe that it is the follow up action thatmakes all the difference and creates lasting change.

37 Alison Bowling September 16, 2013 at 11:10 am

“You can make a focused attempt to see the silver lining.” I love this. Funny tho how difficult it is tosee it when the s**t is hitting the proverbial fan. Being happy is a tough choice to make sometimes, butit’s either that or, like you say, be a victim, and that’s no way to live at all!

38 Izzy September 18, 2013 at 4:09 am

Hi Paige :).

I love this post. It somehow grounds me. It makes me step back and think about areas in my life where Imight be getting too caught up in the details and I might be missing the bigger picture.

I have to say, number 3 was my favorite. Enjoying the journey is such a beautiful thing. When we canappreciate the journey for what it is, rather than being caught up in the end result it is truly lifetransformative.

39 Tammi Walker September 24, 2013 at 8:09 pm

Hi Paige,

I love this post. It is so helpful and I think we complicate life. At times people think they will be happywhen they fill in the blank. But we have to be happy before we get married, before material gain, justtry to be happy no matter what. Of course bad times will come but if we are positive we can getthrough it. Thank you for your article.

40 Paige Burkes September 25, 2013 at 12:49 pm

Thank you Tammi! Sounds like you really understand so much about being happy! Many peoplethink things and other people will make them happy.

I’ve had many people ask how to create happier relationships. My #1 bit of advice is to learn tobe happy by and with yourself. If you can’t fully love and accept yourself, you can’t give that toanyone else. You’ll end up wanting to “fix” things in other people that you actually need to focuson in yourself.

Be happy on your own and find a mate that has done the same. That’s a great recipe for a happy,


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lasting relationship.

When you know how to be happy with yourself, you’ll understand that the bad times are likepassing clouds – dark for a while but you know they’ll be gone soon.

41 Thomas Nicotera November 5, 2013 at 10:15 am

Hi,

I just stumbled upon your site while looking for some kind of inspiration for my life, other than just alist of quotes. Although they are good in their ways, they lack the feeling of depth and expression. Ihave only yet to read this article and another but I believe whole heartedly in what you are saying! Thispoint in my life is very very low and the light from he darkness seems like is out of reach most of thetime. I think your words as I continue to read, may be my inspiration that help me through and bettersme as a person. I’m a firm believer in things happening for a reason, finding your site is one of them. Ithink it is great to have a person like yourself, be able to share great advise in depth, which in returncan truely help someone else. Thank you for making me realize there is hope and I am in control of myown mind and outcomes in life.

42 Paige Burkes November 5, 2013 at 4:17 pm

Thanks so much Thomas! Almost everything I write is based on personal experiences. I think weall connect better with personal stories. You can read more of my stories atsimplemindfulness.com.

The light is always there for you. It’s up to you to see it and move towards it. Nothing is keepingyou from doing that but yourself, as you’re learning.

All the best to you!!

Paige Burkes´s last blog post ..4 Simple Questions That Can Make You Rich and Happy

43 Tom Oliver January 15, 2014 at 5:10 pm

Thanks for this post! Happiness is a choice. For some of us for whom it comes easy, we need to helpothers achieve it. Keep up the good work. I am starting a smiling initiative for 2014. Please join me!http://www.egovolution.org/2014/01/14/make-smiling-a-habit-and-fortune-will-smile-upon-you/

44 Paige Burkes January 17, 2014 at 3:00 pm

I totally agree with you Tom! Smiling for 30 seconds is my sure-fire cure for turning my moodaround when I’m not feeling so happy. It’s amazing how many people are caught off-guard whenyou give them a heart felt smile. Those make everyone feel better.

Paige Burkes´s last blog post ..Pick Your Yoga Practice (book giveaway)

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