HOW TO COMMUNICATE IN THE WEST

8/7/2019 HOW TO COMMUNICATE IN THE WEST

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HOW TO COMMUNICATE IN THE WEST.

Teach me directly and act reasonablywith every member of my family,nobody confusing and unnerving.(Prayer Optina Elders).In our work, "What can not be done in the West" (ZZ-07) describes what not to do there. Of course,

you no one forbids you can do whatever you want, but people will be offended, you may lose your job,or you will be considered "crazy Russian (crazy Russian). You will have a misunderstanding with aforeign husband (oh), or that the most painful would be a misunderstanding with your older children,

or their spouses or their parents. Some of our readers asked: "How, then communicate with them? Inthis paper we will try to explain: how in such an atmosphere, live and socialize with people. At firstglance it seems impossible, but imagine what can be difficult, but possible.

Contents: Introduction; (I) General Concepts; (II) Special cases; Conclusion.

Introduction.Usually, the Russian people, sooner or later meets with great difficulty in the West: it is intercourse.Please read the work of "What not to do in the West" (ZZ-07). It shows that communication wasaccustomed to a Russian man in the West is not working. The question is: "why"? The fact that theRussian character was formed under the influence of Orthodoxy. Prior to Epiphany, the Russian wasnot his letter and therefore was not written by literature or history, etc. We got it all with the Orthodox

faith.Moreover, we have faith when all religious controversy was over and we got an Orthodoxstronghold. Soon after the baptism of St. Michael, our first Metropolitan (988-992), the instructingteachers how they should deal with children, advising them not to act on the anger and punishment,and kindness and love (DD-68). Furthermore, we did not unasledstvovali western arrogance.

In the West, something else happened. When Christianity came to them, they already had theirown culture and highly developed pride and arrogance. As already mentioned, the Church still isfighting to the last VII Ecumenical Council (787). They were Christians when it is not yet firmlyestablished. So many of the differences between Orthodox Slavs and Western countries can explainthis and. Although we have common Christian roots, and despite the 1974 antitheist power, theRussian people remained more Christian qualities than that of Western man.

The Christian way of communication is open and direct, not hidden. This is clearly stated in the"Prayer Optina elders" (DD-42.4): "Teach me to direct and act reasonably with each family member

with my own, nobody confusing and unnerving." Here, in this and is our key. They do not act directlyand they should understand. What we need among them to live, learn, work and raise children,communicate, etc. etc.

Anyway, how Russian people to be with them? In this paper we will try to answer this question.

I - General concepts.101. Shut up, listen, observe, remember. The most fundamental in the ability to communicate with theproud Westerners - a silent, silent and say nothing. Then you need to listen, listen and listen, listencarefully and catch all the details. Of course, also need to watch the man: his gestures, emotions,"body language" (see paragraph 203), etc. etc. All this is necessary to remember, think and graduallyimprove their understanding of (image) of this man. The more you understand it, the easier it will bewith him effectively speak, communicate and work.

All this rectilinear approach adopted in the West as a model of correct behavior. The oppositeapproach is the lack of tact (tactless), coarseness (rudeness) or "inability to deal with people (luck ofpeople skills). By the way people from the former Soviet Union, unfortunately, this experience behindthem. Of course, in the face of it no one will say, but behind will speak and even laugh.

I remember how long ago, in the beginning of my career in engineering, my American boss of theSwiss-German descent, said something about some colleague. I was surprised at such a deepknowledge and understanding behind the scenes. When I asked him how do you know all this, hereplied: "Alex, you'll be surprised when you find out how much you can learn just listening to thepeople (Alex, you will be surprised how much you can find out, simply by listening).

102. Talking thought. We should speak carefully and well thought out. Some people have a habit totalk or thinking or automatically to rebuke, argue, disagree, etc. All this is no good. We must learn tohold his tongue, that he had talked unnecessarily, that he was not very agile. We must say, thoughtout, timely, correct, and only what is necessary and does not he want stupidity


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If we are not used to this, at first glance it seems impossible, but you need to monitor themselvesand gradually get a new habit. Can every evening after evening prayers to reconsider their behaviorand mistakes. St. John of Kronstadt, for example, wrote in his diary of his sins, errors, and thusgradually correcting itself.

Remember, the people you listen to your words and are mulling an impression on you - sometimesgood, sometimes bad. Also remember that your life and work is often dependent on other people'sopinions about you.

103. Do not lie or exaggerate. Several thousand years ago, in the Old Testament, in the IXCommandments of Moses says that one can not lie. This is the old axioms. Liar, it is difficult to

remember what he said, but people remember. So thus Liar caught. Usually, people remember thathe lied and then he no longer trusted. As with every sin, lies, like a boomerang, comes back to the liarand beats on him. Then we must remember that you, as a foreigner, for local residents representsome interest and they listen to you and, of course, all remember.

You are in a different position. You are in a foreign land, for you all new, all different, you areoverwhelmed with new information, you lot just neulavlivaete and then, of course, forget. Lie - just notprofitable. In addition, the service for lying can you drive. They do not like the explanations anddifficult conversations, so just come up with some reason and you are laid off. The real reason you noone will say.

104. It is necessary to prove itself. As stated above, you need for all to observe, remember and judge.

Other people also notice your behavior, words and deeds, remember them and building on them,judge you. All people are judged and talk about other people. It is very important to know andunderstand for the proper and effective communication at work, at home and among friends.

From a Christian point of view, we may even have to speculate and judge, but we have no right tocondemn - it can only do the Lord God. It is very well described by Bishop Averkii (Taushev) in his

explanation of the "Sermon on the Mount" (DD-38.6r),.

105. People are different. Sometimes people with a connoisseur, say some gibberish. For example:"all people are equal". This author heard this many times from people with higher education and evenscientists. Can they ask the question: "What are they identical? Height, color of skin, the ratio of menor women, to life, to others, to money, education, etc. etc. There is a whole science in sociology,which examines the difference. On their way, especially in a foreign land, there will be manydifficulties, to put it mildly. So think of naive people who do not know the people who somehow have

not been able to meet different people. So, people who believe that all people are alike and how theythink, profoundly mistaken.

We must remember that people are different. One can say something, another can not, etc.Moreover, one day they change. For example, in the morning at work people are more nervous andtense. After a lunch break, when eaten, they are more manageable, and so on Other nationalities mayreact differently to the same thing. Therefore, it is important to study people, the dynamics of theircommunication, behavior, etc. All this will help to communicate with them and work together.

Good to know the ethnic origin of man. Name, surname and patronymic much to say. Even thewriting (spelling) of the Russian name may tell about the life a person or his parents. For example:when human ancestors left Russia. For example if the name is written in German, it is likely, peoplefrom the second emigration (1940-ies). They changed the documents written in Cyrillic letters onlatynskie in Germany. Thus, Kazakov Germans written Kassakow, and in Yugoslavia Kazakov. If theGerman people it is probably from the second exile, which during the Second World War were inGermany. If in Serbian, it is likely people are white expatriates trapped in Yugoslavia in 1920. Nationalcharacteristics are stored in immigrants over several generations. Drawing attention to it, it will beeasier to understand and communicate with them.

Do not forget that in the West to meet completely different people, including former ideologicalenemies. Maybe you'll be together with them to work, study or they will be your neighbors. Therefore,all they need to understand and all must get along with.

106. We must remain silent. There are times when someone tells you unfairly barbs or trouble. Placeto think like this man "put on the blades, it is best to keep silent. Thus the evil is stopped. But if we saysomething, but we were told that the evil continues to live in us. Of course there are times when youneed to for something to stand up. For example, our faith, or people unfairly criticized, you will need todignity, without malice, quietly and calmly reply. If you do not behave decently, you will be accused ofrudeness, or something like that.


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107. Overcome evil with good. Overcome evil with good, one of the tenets of Christianity really works.Like many other Christian beliefs, he seems a paradox. But he is truthful and it has a profoundwisdom. Of course, the evil can stop an evil force, but to convince, to turn an evil man on the side ofgood can only be good.

Suffice it to recall the great sinners, who felt the truth and goodness, moved on their side. One well-known examples - it is itself the Holy. Paul. He first participated in the persecution of Christians, but in

the end, stood on their side and became one of the main preachers of Christianity. The Apostle Paulwrote 14 epistles, which are part of the New Testament (2 nd part of the Bible) - the basic holy bookof Christians.

108. Need excerpt. Life is not always smooth, there are difficult moments that you want to move withdignity and show a good example. This applies to everyone, and especially the Orthodox, as they areintended to be an example to others. Always, we need to extract and save all calm.

109. We must behave with dignity. In communicating to behave with dignity: quietly, calmly, withoutraising his voice, do not worry, do not show any emotion. Otherwise, say that you do not know how tobehave. In particular, it should be remembered when you are under stress. Let's say you want tosomething or someone to complain.

Different people have different temperaments. Latin nations closer in temperament to the Russianthan Anglo-Saxons.

110. It is necessary to comply with tact. It is important to develop a sense of tact: what can we sayand what not. I must say that the Anglo-Saxons do not behave like other nations, so they especiallyneed to learn. The most fundamental thing to remember is that you can not criticize something thatpeople dearly. Let's say their faith, nationality, country, profession, family, relatives, friends, hobby

(hobby), etc. etc. Also, in no case can laugh at people or tell ethnic jokes.The author of this work was present when people from the former Soviet Union were at a party in a

house with people who helped them adjust to a new country and all of the above rights are violated. Ihad to blush for them. But on the other hand, blush and his chief American, among other thingsRussophile, when they were together in Moscow, in the case.

111. Save your face. It is important to keep your face and not lose face in the dirt. The same shouldbe given the opportunity and others - to save their face. For example, you can not criticize the

withering, you need to give people the opportunity to save his ego, that is, their dignity.

112. Christian prudence. In all need to exercise common sense and Christian prudence. In the book"God's Law" against. Seraphim Sloboda said: "Obtained knowledge of the true faith and Christian life(piety), we must always be guided in our lives. But to properly use and saving knowledge of faith andpiety, must have for every Christian virtue of reasoning, ie Christian prudence. The apostle Peter,referring to Christians, says: "your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge" (2 Peter. 1:5). Whatever is donewithout argument, may not be reasonable, and even your faith virtue, to virtue "(DD-55r).

113. Dignified behavior. It is important to recall, especially in dealing with difficult people, you need tomaintain the dignity and behave accordingly. Dignity - it is not hubris. Ozhegova Dictionary definesdignity as follows: "The set of high moral character, and respect for these qualities in themselves."Pride - arrogance, disrespect for others, envy, etc. Do difficult people is not so much, and so thenormal human feelings from them is difficult to expect. From this it follows that during the stresscondition to cry, beg, etc., if you're a man should not be, it will only lead to more disrespect to you asa person. At this point, you can remind the reader of a well known fact, postulate that "You've been

treated as you allow.

II - Special cases.201. Ken in parts. Sometimes you can learn about some facts of the Parts. Let's say, uncomfortable,for various reasons, to ask something. Then, the overall picture can be divided into several parts.Then, at a suitable moment to ask only about one part. Later, you can ask about another. Thus, wecan make a good picture of the whole picture. It is like a mosaic, knowing only a few steklyshek youcan get an idea of the whole picture.


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202. Indicators. Many words, deeds and gestures can show a sense of rights to a particular topic (seeparagraph 203). Some events, life events and facts, if they think about it, too, could mean this or thatfact.

203. "Body language and gestures (Body Language). In the West, particularly the Anglo-Saxons, notsupposed to ask direct questions. They have very well developed to receive information indirect,roundabout way. Recently, an expression of "body language", which can be roughly translated as

"body language and body." On this subject appeared a few books. In places where workers prepare towork with people, they teach the subject. The subject is not complicated and, probably, everyobservant person and have experience of working with people could write their own observations.

At least observant person, watching the gestures and body of another person, much that he canobserve - even if he complies with complete peace of mind. Say excitement position of the hands, feet,eyes, heads, etc. etc. All this says something about your interlocutor, and his reaction to what you say.

As an example of how the West get the right information indirectly, we can cite the following case.Once on TV conducted a conversation about some famous person. The question wasasked: "What isyour impression from what he said, as well as from his" body language and body "(body language).Such a question clearly says that everyone was watching, not only the words but also for otherindicators, in this case, "the language of gestures and body."

204. Signal through a third party. Sometimes people need to bring some truth and know that it will notbe very pleasant to him. For instance, he was wrong. What can I do? It is possible, while talking to a

completely different topic, to say that that's some other person said this or something else, and how itis wrong. So you give him implicitly know that to do so is impossible.

205. Can he do it? With promises to be very cautious. If the person you something promising - it doesnot mean that he does, even if he wants it. Perhaps he had misjudged his strength, he may be too

busy, he has little time and so Therefore, when there is a promise to myself to think, but whether hecan make the promise. And anyway, you need to take into account the behavior and character of aperson in the past, as far as he can be trusted? "

Such cases do occur, inviting home. For example, accidentally meet old friends. They talked andwere very happy and one of them, more arranged, invites his old friend back home. When I got home,after talking with his wife, he cooled down. They find many reasons why this invitation was simplyunrealistic - employment, child care, etc. etc. You have to call his friend, apologize and put off themeeting until later.

206. Critics say in parts. Sometimes you need someone to make some critical comments. It seemsvery simple to sit down with someone face to face and talk. Under no circumstances should this notbe done. With proud people need to do differently.

etc.

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HOW TO COMMUNICATE IN THE WEST