How to Raise Great Children

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HOW TO RAISE GREAT CHILDREN

Written by BALA MUHAMMAD

Saturday, 23 May 2009

A few weeks ago, this column discussed kindness to parents. As a rider, a couple of

readers sent in contributions on the issue of raising good children for them to grow up to

be able to appreciate the parents.

Children are easily influenced by their surroundings. These days it is extremely difficultto expose children to an ideal environment given the influences from friends, television,

radio, Internet and other forms of media. It is therefore up to parents to set the correct

example. It is impossible to shield children from all the negative forces that can shapetheir minds and, ultimately, their behaviour, but here are some tips parents may want to

consider.

Treat them kindly: Kindness begets kindness. If we were kind to our children, they in turn

would show kindness to others. Our Prophet (may Allahs peace and blessings be upon

him) was the best example in being kind to children.

Teach them examples: Instead of Batman or Superman, tell them about real heroes from

your culture. From a Muslim perspective, these should be such as Abu Bakr, Umar ibn

Khattab, Othman bin Affan, Ali bin Abi Talib and others.

Let children sit with adults: It is preferable for children to be among adults, especially at

social occasions. The Prophet (may Allahs peace and blessings be upon him) would often

put children in the front row when he spoke to the people.

Make them feel important: Consult children in family matters. Let them feel they are

important members of the family and have a part to play in the growth and wellbeing ofthe family.

Go out as a family: Take family trips rather than allowing your children to always go out

only with their friends. Let your children be around family and friends from whom youwant them to pick up their values. Always remember that your children will become who

they are around with most of the time. So, watch their company and above all give them

YOUR company.

Praise them: Praise is a powerful tool with children, especially in front of others. Childrenfeel a sense of pride when their parents praise them and will be keen to perform other

good deeds.

Avoid humiliating them: Similarly, do not humiliate them in front of others. Children

make mistakes. Sometimes these mistakes occur in their efforts to please the parents. Ifyou are unhappy with your children, tell them in private.

Engage in sports: The Prophet (may Allahs peace and blessings be upon him) encouraged

sports such as swimming, running and horse-riding. Other sports that build character and


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physical strength are also recommended.

Make them take some responsibility: Have faith in their abilities to perform tasks. Give

them chores to do in line with their age. Convince them that they are performing an

important function and you will find them eager to help you out again.

Dont spoil them: Children are easily spoiled. If they receive everything they ask for, they

will expect you to oblige on every occasion. Be wise in what you buy for them. Avoid

extravagance and unnecessary luxuries. Take them to an orphanage or poor area of your

city once in a while so they can see how privileged they are.

Be a parent, not only a friend: It is common in the West for parents to consider their

children as friends. In Islam, always remember you are the parent and they should respect

you, and this is what you should be teaching them. The friendship part should be limitedto you and them keeping an open dialogue so they can share their concerns with you and

ask you questions when they have any.

Set an example: As parents, you are the best example the children can have. If you talk to

your parents rudely, expect your children to do the same to you. If you are disrespectful toothers, your children will follow too.

Let us today end with that familiar story, GRANDFATHERS EATING BOWL, which

was once rendered so beautifully in Hausa by the late Alhaji Abubakar Imam in his

Magana Jari Ce.

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law and four-year old grandson. The

old mans hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred and his step faltered. The family atetogether at the table, but the elderly grandfathers shaky hands and failing sight made

eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milkspilled on the tablecloth.

The son and his wife became irritated with the mess. We must do something about

father, said the son. Ive had enough o his spilled milk, noisy eating and food on the

floor. Therefore, the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfatherate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish

or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in Grandfathers

direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the

couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.

The four-year-old child watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father

noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, What

are you making? Just as sweetly, the boy responded, Oh, I am making a little bowl foryou and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up. The four-year-old smiled and went

back to work. The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears


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started to stream down their cheeks.

Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband

took Grandfathers hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of

his days, he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband norwife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled or the tablecloth

soiled.

Children are remarkably perceptive. Their eyes are ever observant, their ears ever

listening and their minds ever processing the messages they absorb. If they see uspatiently provide a happy home atmosphere for family members, they will imitate that

attitude for the rest of their lives. The wise parent realises that every day the building

blocks are being laid for the childs future. Let us be wise builders and role models.

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How to Raise Great Children