How to Win Friends and Win Business LikeDale Carnegie

October 6, 2019by Jim Rohrbach

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“There is one all-important law of human conduct: Always make the other person feel important.”

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Dale Carnegie

Back in the mid-1930s, in response to the Great Depression, two classic personal developmentbooks were published that anyone in business today would do well to study. Napoleon Hill’s Think andGrow Rich (1937) addressed the proper mental approach to success – this is the first book Irecommend you read. The second is Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People(1936), which taught the essential human relations skills you need to sign on clients.

I read an extensive biography about Carnegie by Steven Watts entitled Self-Help Messiah. DaleCarnagey (he later changed the spelling of his name) was born into an impoverished family in ruralnorthwestern Missouri. The bio details how his life experiences, from endless farm chores to travelingsalesman to actor, inspired his later life’s work of sharing principles of interpersonal effectiveness.Carnegie realized that, much like Ben Franklin, who developed a 13 Virtues system to improve hischaracter, he needed to apply the principles he developed to himself so he could achieve the successhe craved.

He began humbly by teaching a class on public speaking at a New York City YMCA in 1912, whichevolved over time into more extensive human-relations trainings. These morphed over the decades intothe sales, leadership and communication courses of today’s global Dale Carnegie Training. So hisideas endured and he can be considered a founding father of adult education.

Watts’ book makes it clear that Dale Carnegie targetedbusiness people, correctly believing that they would be themain beneficiaries of his offerings. Let me lay out some of hismost important concepts that can help you win business:

Positive thinking Dale Carnegie wanted people tochange their entire personality through his approach. Nostranger to his era’s budding positive mental psychologymovement, he urged his students to affirm the following:“Say to yourself over and over, ‘My popularity, myhappiness, and my income depend to no small extentupon my skill in dealing with people.’” He encouragedthem to visualize their success: “Picture to yourself how mastering these skills will aid you in yourrace for richer social and financial rewards.” These parallel the instructions given by Hill in Thinkand Grow Rich on autosuggestion and visualization.

Genuine interest One of my favorite Dale Carnegie quotes is, “You can make more friends intwo months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to getthem interested in you.” The best way to take a genuine interest in others in your businessnetwork is to simply ask them questions: Where they’re from, where they went to school, howthey began in their career, their hobbies, diversions, passions, etc. Then let them go on aboutthemselves, while demonstrating that you are tracking the conversation. See, the truth is: My wifedoesn’t want to hear my story for the millionth time – she wants to know when I’m taking out thetrash and what I’m making for dinner. (Yes, I cook – it’s a critical “happy marriage skill.”) Butwhen a new acquaintance asks about my business, I can and, if I forget this principle, will go on

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for 20 minutes or more about how I became the man, the myth, the coaching legend I am today.It’s the same for people I meet: If I take the initiative to inquire, “Tell me how you got started inthe widget business?” and then put the spotlight on them, they will eagerly share what theyconsider to be their heroic business journey. (Trust me – their spouses don’t want to hear theirstory again either…)

Good first impression Carnegie suggested the following to make the best impression onothers:

Smile! A smile is a worldwide sign of positive emotions. It invariably indicates approval.

Show enthusiasm. Show other people you are glad to be in their presence. Greet andinteract with them in a warm and friendly manner.

Use their name. “Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest andmost important sound in any language.” Work at learning, using and remembering other’snames.

Most important – Listen. Give the gift of attention. Make sure you demonstrate you arefollowing exactly what the others are talking about and indicate you want to learn moreabout what they are saying.

Idea planting Carnegie suggested you let other people think what you want to accomplish istheir idea. “No one likes to feel that he or she is being sold something or told to do a thing. Wemuch prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas. We like tobe consulted about our wishes, our wants, our thoughts.” Thus, the essence of our ability toinfluence others is Socratic in nature. It’s the ability to use questions to allow people to realize forthemselves how your product or service can help them. This is the way to “arouse an eagerwant,” making it appear to come from them, not you. I have all of my clients learn to conduct a“Consultative Interview” when they meet with their prospects, allowing these folks to come totheir own conclusion about why they need to hire my clients. In this regard, the best coaching Igive them is to ask questions and then “STFU” – Shut The ForGodSakes Up. (This simpleacronym always seems to stay with them …)

How to Win Friends and Influence People continues to be one of the best selling self-help books of alltime. Just like Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich, it has had its share of detractors over the years.Watts’ biography details various attacks on Carnegie by skeptics after it was first published. The maincomplaint was that people could use the tactics described in his book to deceive, manipulate and evencheat people. Carnegie’s straightforward response was, “The principles taught in this book will workonly when they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks. I am talking about a new wayof life.”

It comes down to whether you’re using the techniques to sincerely get to know people and influencethem to make good decisions for themselves about your products and services, or just trying to takeadvantage of them in the short term. The proof will eventually shine through – if you develop long-lasting mutually beneficial business relationships as Watts’ bio indicated Carnegie did, it’s the former.This was Dale Carnegie’s intention all along – he wanted to help you win friends and win business.

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Success Skills Coach Jim Rohrbach, "The Personal Fitness Trainer for Your Business," coachesFinancial Advisors around the US by phone to help them grow their clientele. To set up a FreeConsultation with Jim, go to www.SuccessSkills.com.

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