I Was the One Who Cried Wolf

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    CivilianK A T H R Y N C O N N O L L Y

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    BreathlessC H A P T E R O N E

    I was the one who cried wolf.

    I needed the vodka to let go, or to try. I promised myself, that for one weekend, I would not

    write in my scheduler once. Yet, I had already broken it before I even started the drive,

    reminding myself in a block print that I needed to stop at the liquor store.

    It was obvious I hadnt touched it since, for my hair had escaped its neat bun and cascaded

    down my shoulders; I couldnt see straight and certainly could not recite the preamble. The

    cabin seemed to be the perfect place to throw a wild party. No neighbors to call the cops on

    you, no parents for miles; that is if you dont count the selected few teen mothers who

    managed to call a babysitter last minute.

    I needed air. That was my solution to make everything better. I had to be in control of

    myself. Leaning on the doorway for balance, the outside air was still polluted with the

    stench of beer and someone hacking out their brains behind the bushes. My head was still

    spinning, and I couldnt remember any knowledge of my one year of Latin, which I still

    consider one of the worst and best decisions Ive made.

    I pushed my waves of hair back against my head, combing my fingers through the knots.

    Sliding carefully down so that I was resting on the lit porch steps, I inhaled frantically.

    Though, my wired breaths turned into short giggles, then hysterics. It was an odd chill that

    coursed my spine. Some played with the idea of the full moon causing antics.

    I could say surely that my insanity was caused by my inability to hold any sort of liquor,

    even bogged down with seltzer water. Not a moon that was blocked by a cloudy sky and my

    own fuzzy vision.

    I broke my promise again, scribbling below my last note, to inform myself that this was a

    bad idea and to not do it again. I could only hope it came out in clear English. Though, Iwas still laughing, tears even forming in my eyes. I slid the book back into my purse that

    hung loosely on my trembling shoulders, easing myself up onto my feet.

    I could gather myself back into a neat bundle. I just needed a walk. Just collect my

    thoughts, sleep it out in the car and hit the road early morning. I wont go back inside, its a

    mess, a mess I cant keep clean beneath my fingernails, and certainly cant control. I saw

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    everyone for a brief moment inside, I meant to meet up with them earlier, but it took me

    thirty minutes to walk in the door when I stepped up and heard the music.

    Cora, dance, Cora, Sara, a previous roommate squealed, pulling me into the tight group of

    people.

    That was when I decided I needed my first quick sip of alcohol.

    Two glasses later, and I was laughing to myself, trying to not attract attention from the boy

    with his head in the bushes. It took enough energy to remember how I even got here so that

    tomorrow I could bolt home as quickly as possible.

    Not even with my hair down could I really let go. Still thinking about three steps ahead as I

    walked down the lawn, happy that ifI could take care of anything, it was the direction I

    could carry myself in.

    The music behind me was dimming, and the tall trees were getting closer, their limbs

    seeming to widen with each step. With that, my pace picked up. Another thing I had undermy control. A quick walk and Id go back to my car, sleep off the buzz, and get out.

    The one thing that wouldnt leave my mind was leaving.

    I did like the feel of the forest, the branches outstretched over my head, and I made sure to

    stay quite close to the lawn of the cabin, I would not go off on my own in the woods. I didnt

    trust my sense of direction on a normal day, surely not in this state.

    I had been taught to be careful with everything I did, everyone else with tall masterpieces

    and sculpted faces. I didnt want any fingerprints looming over my work. Along with being

    careful, came a tendency to be what others described as a tattle-tale.

    I just figured I was being practical and responsible. Others just saw me as a girl who cried

    wolf.

    At every little thing.

    I had recollected myself, my breathing even, and my laughing swallowed back to abrupt

    giggles that passed and came. My heels dug into the dirt, but it was the easiest way to

    remain balanced. I kept my arms outstretched, trying my best to not touch any loose vines

    or trip over covered rocks.

    I was being careful.

    The lights shone from the windows, and I suppressed another nervous chuckle, grinding my

    teeth. My shoulders stiffened a copper tang in the air.

    I licked the inside of my mouth, my lips too. Preparing to go on a wild goose hunt for my

    chap stick, but my lips were smooth.

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    It started with a snarl, it was clear, the same octave throughout. But it only rose. I knew

    better then to turn around; you just didnt do that, so I raised my chin higher and pressed

    forward towards the cabin. It was the reasonable thing to do. Not that I was being

    reasonable, I ventured into the woods alone.

    Another chuckle fell from my lips. Just had to walk faster, a slight jog. It was gone,

    whatever it was, it was gone and I could breathe. I could even feel the smooth grass

    beneath my dirt-caked heels. Another snarl ripped the air, this one broke midway, cracking

    only to rise higher.

    Stiffening, I couldnt resist to turn, and with that I was collapsing, whatever it was

    pounced forward, the weight of its body slamming down to the ground. A sharp breath

    reigning from my mouth. Instinctively I slammed my eyes shut. I squirmed, my whole body

    twisting against the grass, my spine arching straight up only to be pushed down, my head

    hitting first onto the ground.

    The first bite.

    It was sharp, teeth that found their way perfectly beneath my skin, claws flawlessly

    restraining me to the ground. I limply reached forward, curling my fingers into a fist to

    push it away, stun it, but it bared its teeth and snapped it's head against my arm.

    The second bite was worse.

    Deeper, pulling my skin backwards, I tore my eyes open to see fresh blood piling over the

    muzzle of this thinga wolf, maybe, already painted in dried blood. I reached again, my

    hand impacting against its coarse fur, wrapping between the strands and shoving.

    Its eyes caught a hold of mine, its muzzle pulling back more, canine teeth hanging over theedge. Its lower half was angled upwards, the spine arched along the matted fur. The wolfs

    head tilted, thrashing forward for a third bite.

    That one made me holler, pulled me out of my frozen state, a scream that broke off before

    finishing.

    I saw the things rusted gold eyes blink, snapping its head back.

    Old habits die hard.

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    MorningC H A P T E R T W O

    This wasnt my car.

    Im not sure if the hyperventilating came before or after the door opened, a small girl

    standing at the doorway, sunlight streaming through from the large windows behind her,painting its way along the hardwood floor.

    She didnt say anything, yet a smile creased over her red lips. She twisted her finger

    through her dark curls before deciding to turn around on her bare heels, leaving the door

    wide behind her.

    Two pairs of footsteps approached.

    The girl with the dark curls raised her chin up towards the lean man towering over her.

    She had a lopsided smirk as she watched his face in amusement waiting for some kind of

    emotion that I couldnt catch myself. She angled herself towards me, her eyebrows archedcarefully together.

    She hurried over in my direction. Bouncing on her toes she grabbed my arm. I shrunk downlower.

    Its okay. She said, her voice lower than I would have expected, smooth. Dont panic,

    please, dont panic. Itll only worsen your condition. She didnt explain anymore, just

    standing with her hand on my shoulder, waiting patiently for the man to step closer,watching his face so tentatively.

    She was insane, he looked murderous, and I was going to be forced into prostitution, it only

    added up. This is why I stayed sheltered with a laptop and a coffee, this is why I didnt

    party, and this is where it got me. I couldnt fold back into a neat ball, not now, everything

    ached. Everything felt so wrong; my hair was still down, running over my back in a largeknot.

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    Id do anything to just put it back up into a tight bun.

    He stepped forward, every step he took pounded against the floor, though his expression

    gradually changed, a soft smile. His face collapsing together as his hand rubbed against his

    mop of wild hair.

    I do feel an apology is necessary for my behavior.

    I started blankly in response, and the small girl crossed her legs at the end of the bed,

    seemingly rocking back and forth.Felix. He said calmly, offering his hand. He leaned forward on his left foot.

    I stared once again, curling my knees up towards my chest. Wincing. He tightened his eyes

    for a moment, jetting out his lower lip for a moment in thought.

    Please tell me your name; itll at least make me feel better. To know your name. A bit morehumane.

    My response fumbled out in a nervous jumble, Cora, I said, barely hearing my voice

    wither from my lips. I pulled my hair behind my head, my hand touching my bare wrist outof habit, grasping at the skin where elastic used to permanently sit.

    He nodded, as if letting the four letters sink in, his fingers linking onto the edge of hisdenim pockets.

    The girl seemed to know what was going to happen next. Her body twisted towards me, herarms outstretched in front of her, leaving imprints on the sheets.

    Cora, this is Sophie. He explained, gesturing his hand to the girl, and she seemed to sparkwith sudden life as he rose his hand in her direction.

    Suddenly a burst of words broke the momentary silence.

    Hello, Cora! She exclaimed, her eyes buzzing, its not every day we see someone new

    around here, its such a relief, really, another girlwe could be like sisters. If thats what

    youd like, Im sure that if Felix says so, her eyes directed up to him, I could show you

    around. You know, the ropes. I wish a girl helped me with that, itd be so much simpler. Ibreathed for the girlSophie. She didnt seem to stop, her mouth running a mile a minute.

    Felix rubbed his temples, wrinkles running across his lowered eyebrows. This one

    expression made him look ages older than Sophie. She opened her mouth to say more, butFelix flicked his hand again, and she tightened her lips.

    I was waiting for an explanation, but it seemed that it wasnt coming, they both just sat

    there for what seemed like hours, avoiding anything but my gaze, Sophia directly avoidingmeeting Felixs attention.

    I promise your safety, Cora, he spoke so softly now, and he waited for an expression.

    I refused to show him that, I could keep my emotions to me, one thing I still had within mygrasp.

    But there really is no other way for me to simply explain to you, I need you to relax, which

    may be a silly thing to ask of you, but if you dont start calming down youll only cause morecomplications. He emphasized what Sophie had mentioned before. Stating it simply,

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    Complications, still unable to completely locate my voice, every thought of mine finding its

    way to the open door ahead of me. My eyebrows arched, hoping for more insight, maybe

    they could just say it. Say that my life was screwed from now one and Id be knocked upwithin a few weeks and killed off.

    Yet, Felix just dropped his chin between his cupped hands, reaching for his temples again.

    Your mind will play games with you, you arent fully changed, theres a possibility you still

    wont make it. I just need you to stay resting. Tomorrow, I can promise a full explanation.He didnt meet eye contact, his eyes shielded as he studied the lines of the wood floor.

    Sophie was still bubbling, her constant wiggling was contagious. Though it simply tied a

    knot in my stomach, the choking feeling coming back, along with the spinning head, now I

    could pinpoint every source of pain on my body. I didnt want to look at the wounds that Iknew were there, because even as I could feel them, seeing them was proof.

    I didnt need proof of any of this. I knew that Id wake up and itd dissolve with a cup of

    coffee. It had too. That wolfdogthing, that must be theirs. What they use to capture

    girls. I had to trust my gut.

    My gut wanted the last bit of my control back. The one thing I could think of was the door

    behind Felix, open to the shining window. Running, sprinting from this mess, thatd be allmy choice. I could turn this around.

    I leaned forward, a scratch on my abdomen made itself clear, and I realized my plan may

    not work. So I inhaled, a long breath, the air reminded me of the city, almost tasting carexhaust from outside.

    Adrenaline pulsed my veins. I could feel it, like those guys who were able to pick up cars in

    emergencies or sprint on broken legs. Pushing myself up from the bed, I swore that it

    couldnt have hurt more than death itself, and rummaged onto my feet, bounding forward. Iwasnt fast, but it took them both by surprise.

    Sophies doe eyes widened, and I snapped my head forward, though my gut wrenched, and I

    found my forward toes cracking under my weight, air slipping between my lips.

    My head flung forward, and my body was caught between Felixs arms. An uncomfortable

    hold, too tight, he smelt like the woods, contrasted to the heavy scent outside, the woods

    after rain, where the tree leaves cling to the fallen water and the dirt sinks beneath your

    feet.

    Thats all that took over me, the smell, and the sight of the woods with my shut eyes.

    The rain had stopped, but loose droplets fell from the drying trees above. A constant drop ofwater that fell against brush and dirt, serene.

    Yet the forest had an unsettling emptiness, no sight ahead, even with the long stretch ofsilence. Every creature hidden from the clear drops of water.

    I could see myself amongst the mud, my feet sunken, but moving forward. Hues of dark

    greens were vibrant along the gray cloudy sky, and my breathing was shaky, all I could seewas the lopsided waves on my hair.

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    My steps became uneven, slowing to a stop, but my heavy breathing pursued. I could only tellI had been walking for a while, and the emptiness sent goose bumps all over my skin.

    Peering ahead I could see the clear droplets onto the outstretched leaves, focusing my vision

    on the pattern. The smell of clear woods erased itself with a metallic smell, a tang of blood

    one could recognize so easily. The clear droplets were tainted pink, another on the verge of a

    light red, darkening with each drop.

    The green leaves held the droplets, a red puddle that over flowed to the forest floor, sinking

    along the mud. Moving quicker now, it stretched to my feet, and surrounded my still body.Though I wasnt standing anymore, collapsing to the dirt.

    I could finally see my face, scarred with scratches and claws, running all over the front of my

    body. Blood soaked, teeth marks on my upper-chest, revealing obvious canine teeth. My eyes

    were open, blinking slowly, and then squeezed shut, so tight that wrinkles creased beside,everything falling beside me.

    Everything crumbling, no control, nothing to hold myself up; blood staining beneath my

    fingernails, and no option to get out. Nothing was up to me, for I was relying on the rain towash everything away.

    Shit, Felixs voice hissed, gritting his teeth.

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