IgBILL - Improbable Research always, IgBill had incomplete information at press time. You may not be able to tell the players even with this scorecard. ... Libretto starts on page

IgBILL

Ig® Nobel Prize Ceremony

2016

This Year’s Theme: Time Twitter: #IgNobel

®

2 The Twenty-Sixth 1st Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony – September 22, 2016

About the Ig Nobel Prizes

Ig Nobel Prizes are awarded for achievements that first make people

LAUGH, and then make them THINK. The Igs are intended to spur

public curiosity and interest in science and other fields of endeavor.

Ten prizes are awarded each year. Winners travel to the ceremony at

their own expense.

The Ig Nobel Prize winners are, despite possible appearances to the

contrary, real. Their achievements are well documented.

What to expect tonight: Imagine every ceremony you have ever

had to endure. Loop them all together, at high speed, upside down.

Add ten Ig Nobel Prize winners. That’s the Ig Nobel Prize ceremony.

Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) www.improbable.com 3

© copyright 2016 Annals of Improbable Research

“Ig” and “Improbable Research” and the “tumbled thinker” logo are each reg. U.S. Pat. and Tm. Off.

The Twenty-Sixth 1st Annual

Ig® Nobel Prize Ceremony

Thursday, September 22, 2016, 6:00 pm

Sanders Theatre, Harvard University

Reluctantly inflicted on you bythe international science humor magazine

Annals of Improbable Research(AIR)

and co-sponsored by

The Harvard-Radcliffe Science Fiction Association

The Harvard-Radcliffe Society of Physics Students

The theme of this year’s ceremony is

Time


From biology to psychology, find topics that

satisfy your intellectual curiosity. Check out our

thought-provoking courses—online or on campus.

Cerebral.

extension.harvard.eduSpring registration opens November 14


SCHEDULE OF EVENTS

Pointless Preamble• Pre-ceremonyLobbyAccordioConcert(5:00,inthelobby)• TheWhirligigofTime,ondisplay(5:40,inthetheatre)• Ceremonybegins(6:00, in the theatre)• PaperAirplaneDeluge#1• TheTraditionalIgNobel“Welcome,Welcome”Speech• EntranceoftheNewWinners• IntroductionoftheNobelLaureatesandotherIgnitaries

Everything Else**• Awarding of the 2016 Ig Nobel Prizes*(weatherpermitting)• The Last Second:AMini-Operain3Acts*• The24/7Lectures• IntroductionofSomePastWinners• PaperAirplaneDeluge#2• TheTickTockToeCompetition• OtherThings*• TheTraditionalIgNobel“Goodbye,Goodbye”Speech• DisappearanceoftheAudience

* scattered throughout the evening** but maybe in some different order

Paper AirplanesIntheinterestsofsafetyandrecycling,therewillbetwo(2)specialpaper-aeronauticmoments tonight:oneattheceremony’sbeginning,theother at the midpoint.

Please hold your paper airplanes in readiness. Then fly them only – and profusely, to the point of deluge – during those two special moments. Please AIM FOR SAFETY!

Anauthorityfigurewillmakeitveryclear wheneachofthosemomentsarrives.

Roy Glauber, Ig Nobel paper airplane sweeper and Nobel laureate (Physics, 2005).


This Year’s ThemeThethemeofthisyear’sceremonyisTIME. The theme appliestovariousgoings-on,thoughnotnecessarily(andnotnecessarilynot)toanyoftheparticularachievementsbeinghonoredwithanIgNobelPrize.

Live WebcastTonightwewillbejoinedfromafar,inspiritandelectro-mechanically,byteeminghordeswatchingviatheInternet.TheIgNobelPrizeCeremonyhasbeenwebcastannually,beginningin1995—oneoftheveryfirsteventsofanykind,ever,tobewebcast.VeryspecialthankstoThe Harvard Extension School and to CS-50forhelpingmakethisyear’swebcasthappen. Videohighlightsofmanypastceremoniesareonlineat www.improbable.com.

Celebrity BacteriaThethemeofthe2010ceremonywasBacteria.Severaltrillioncelebritybacteriawereseatedinorontheaudience.Manyofthem are still here. See if you can spot them.

Pre-Ceremony: mini-Quasi-Events(One in the lobby, then another the theatre)

Beforetheceremony,watchfortwospecialmini-quasi-events.At5:00, inthelobby,theBoston Squeezebox Ensemble (BSE) willplaya TimelyConcert,insinuatingstrangelyfamiliartunesintoyourconsciousness.

At5:40,moreorless,inthetheatre,MajordomoGaryDryfooswillassembleonstage,wherethingsmighthappenaround,above,and behind him.


The Ig Informal Lectures!SATURDAY afternoon, Sept 24, 2016, 1:00 pm

MIT Building 26, Room 10060 Vassar Street, Cambridge

A Saturday Treat…

Attonight’sIgNobelPrizeCeremony,eachwinnerisallowedjustONEMINUTEtodeliveranacceptancespeech.Butofcourseyou’llwanttohearmorejuicydetails,andaskthemquestions,andso….Youareinvitedtocomeenjoyalazy,livelyhalf-afternoonofbrief(FIVEMINUTES each,plusquestions&answers),high-spiritedtalksbythe 2016 Ig Nobel Prize winners.

Produced by the Annals of Improbable Research incooperationwithThe MIT Press Bookstore (mitpress.mit.edu/bookstore)

FREE! (But seating is limited,

so get there early)


Authority-Like FiguresAs always, IgBill had incomplete information at press time. You may not be able to tell the players even with this scorecard.

(NOTE:**indicatesnameismisspelled)

Producer/Director:MarcAbrahamsCo-Producer and Stage Manager:DavidKesslerIg Nobel Facilitator: JuliaDeterOpera Arranger/Orchestrator/Stage Director:MariaFerranteOpera Assistant Director:RobinAbrahamsAssistant Stage Manager: LindaBrennanMaster Stagehand: Rob SandersStagehand:ArthurKautzTechnical Assistant: DougFauntProduction Assistants:RogerKautz,KarenKautzOpera Rehearsal Pianist: Yulia YunDirector of Improbable Engineering: Quentin SmithWriters:MarcAbrahams,AliceShirrellKaswell,andfriendsIg House Band:NicholasCarstoiuandtheIgLeavesBoston Squeezebox Ensemble:Dr.ThomasMichelLurking Presences:RobinAbrahams,StanleyEigenLighting & Technology:HollyGettings,HunterHeinlenProps and Scenery:EricWorkmanHouse Sound: DavidNickerson, BayStateSoundSound Recording: MilesSmith,Frank“Barefoot”CunninghamSlide Show: JackDietz,GeriSullivanPrize & Props Creation:EricWorkmanSponsorships Coordinator:HeidiClarkProvisionary Logisticians: GusRancatoreandCorkyWhiteHRSFA Coordinator:MaryBethSchleicherHRSPS Coordinators: Person Unnamed Grand Panjandrum of the Delegations:LouiseSacco


Toscanini’s Ice Cream is proud to support the Ig Nobel Awards

Because the Best Minds Need the Best Ice Cream

899 Main Street, Cambridge, MA

Toscanini’s Ice Cream

twitter: @tosci

Videography:SevenGenerationsVideo,BrucePetschek,BrianGalford,DonSchechter,JonSchedler,TrevorChamberlain,CodySignoreLead Diplomats:SusanKany,DanyAdamsCorps d’Esprit Diplomatique:GusRancatore,CorkyWhite, PersisThorndike,etal.Liaison to the Ig Glorious Persons: Green Room Oracles:MariaEliseeva,HeidiClarkPress Wranglers: Stefanie Friedhoff, et al.Photographers:AlexeyEliseev,MikeBenvenisteIg Informal Lectures (Saturday) Coordinator: John JenkinsIg Nobel Webmaster: JuliaLunettaArtwork & Logos:GeriSullivan,LoisMaloneIgBill Design and Layout:GeriSullivanMaster of E-Bookery:LaurenMauerTrew


PeopleMaster of CeremoniesMarcAbrahams,editor,Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)

Nobel Laureatesmost of the following:DudleyHerschbach(Chemistry1986)RichRoberts(PhysiologyorMedicine,1993)EricMaskin(Economics,2007)JeromeFriedman(Physics,1990)and perhaps some others

Welcome Welcome Speaker:JeanBerkoGleasonLeap Second Speaker: Jenny Hoffman24/7 Lecturers:PatriciaBrennan,NicoleSharp,RichRoberts, DudleyHerschbachOpera Soloists: MariaFerrante,ScottTaylorOpera Orchestra: PatrickYacono,Dr.ThomasMichelOpera Narrator:KarenHopkinOpera Non-Soloists:TheClockChorus,abettedinAct3by theNobellaureatesPre-Ceremony Lobby Concert: BostonSqueezeboxEnsemble (Dr.ThomasMichel,ColinFerguson,PatrickYacono,TedSharpe, BettyWidersky,MariéAbe,etal.)Mic Monkey:EdgarB.HerwickIIIHuman Twitterer:RichardBaguleyDelegations and Opera Announcer:KarenHopkinHuman Spotlights:JimBredt,KatrinaRosenbergHuman Aerodrome: EricWorkmanReferee:Mr.JohnBarrettNSFW Indicator Monitor:NotedNewYorkAttorneyWilliamJ.MaloneyNew York Attorney William J. Maloney: HimselfMajordomo:GaryDryfoosMinordomos:JuliaLunetta,PeacoTodd,EmmaLiddell,Sylvia


Rosenberg,ElizaKosoy,ChrisDeter,NatashaRosenberg,PoojaUsgaonkarPerforming Chemists: Joost Bonsen,DanielRosenberg,MichaelSkuherskyPerforming Props Master:EricWorkmanHecklers:You,theaudienceGoodbye Goodbye Speaker: JeanBerkoGleason

Special Thanks to…SidAbrahams,JackieBaum, BobBartosch,TinaBowen,EricEngel,JesseEppers,MelissaFranklinandtheHarvardPhysicsDepartment,MartinGardner,HollyGettings,JasonGovostes,KatherineGriffin,TomLehrer,MaggieLettvin,IlyaLuvish,ChrisMcManus,LoisMalone,Milo,KeesMoeliker,ToshiNakagaki,RegularNoetzli,**LisaOberzaucher,TheFlyingPetscheks,RuthPolleys,HarrietProvine,GusandMimiRancatoreandToscanini’sIceCream,TheFlyingRosenbergs,JonathanSalz,SandersTheatre,GeriSullivan,RayTraietti,JoeWrinnandHowardZaharoff.

**Namemisspelled.

NOW SERVING BBQ TO GO AT REDBONESFOOD TRUCK BOSTON

LUNCH-DINNER-LATE NITE-28 ON TAPFULL BAR-TAKE OUT-DELIVERY-CATERING

The2001IgNobelPrizeceremonyincludedawedding—thefirstweddingeverheldinhistoricSandersTheatre,andalsothebriefest(theentireceremonyhappenedwithinaspanofsixtyseconds).Thebrideandgroom,LisaDanielsonandWillStefanov,wereandareNASAscientists.Theyarereturningtotheceremonytonight,tocelebratetheirfifteenthweddinganniversary.

A Wedding Anniversary


The Last Second

The Words: Marc Abahamswrotethestoryandlyrics.Thisishis 21stIgNobeloperalibretto.The Music:Thetuneswerecomposed,inadvance,byGaetano Donizetti, Camille Saint-Saëns, Modest Mussorgsky, and Frédéric Chopin, noneofwhomisabletojoinusthisevening.

Tonight’s performance:

Opera director: Maria Ferrante

Assistant director: Robin Abrahams

The soloists: Maria Ferrante and Scott Taylor.

The Clock Chorus: EllenFriend,AbbySchiff,JeanCummings,SueWellington,DanielRosenberg,KevinMcCaughey,MichaelSkuhersky,TedSharpe(choruswrangler),JohnJarcho,FredTsai,ErikaHutchinson,JanHadland,KettlyBenoitThechorusrankswillbeswelled,inAct3oftheopera,bythe Nobel laureates.

The orchestra:Thesingersarebackedbyanall-star,two-person bio-timelyorchestra,“TheForcesofNature”:

Piano: Patrick Yacono(HarvardMedicalSchool[HMS] biomedical researcher)

Accordion: Thomas Michel(HMSProfessorofMedicine)

Follow along on screen and in print. Libretto starts on page 15.

Tonight’spremiereofthemini-opera“TheLastSecond”includesaspecial(andtimely!)appearancebyoneofthescientistswhocontroltheworld’smasterclocksanddecidewhenandhowtocreateleapseconds:John Lowe isleaderoftheTimeandFrequencyServicesgroupattheNationalInstituteofStandards.


The 24/7 LecturesEach24/7Lecturewillbedeliveredbyoneoftheworld’sgreatthinkers.Eachlecturehastwoparts:

A complete technical descriptionin 24 SECONDS

A clear, accurate summary that anyone can understand

in SEVEN WORDS

Thetimelimitandwordlimitwillbestrictly enforced by Mr. John Barrett,theIgNobelReferee.

Thisyear’s24/7lecturers:• Patricia Brennan

TOPIC:DUCKGENITALMORPHOLOGY• Nicole Sharp TOPIC:FLUIDDYNAMICS

• Rich Roberts TOPIC:CLOCKGENES

• Dudley Herschbach TOPIC:TIME

…andperhapsoneortwoothers.

[email protected]

Visit our galleries in Somerville, Dedham, or Brookline or click

MuseumOfBadArt.org

See more bad art in the book

The Museum of Bad Art: Masterworks


Harvard-Radcliffe Science Fiction AssociationNarratively Proud Intergalactic Co-Sponsorsof the Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony Since 1996

Harvard-Radcliffe Society of Physics StudentsTheoretically Proud Experimental Co-Sponsors

of the Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony Since 2000

Public Radio Broadcast OnthedayafterThanksgiving,listentothetraditionalIgNobelBroadcastonPublicRadio’sScience FridaywithIraFlatow.Many ofthepreviousyear’sIgbroadcastsareatwww.ScienceFriday.com. Youcanseevideohighlightsofmostofthepastceremoniesat www.improbable.com.

This is Improbable and This is Improbable Tooby Marc Abrahams

“Marc Abrahams is a perfectly calibrated filtration system into which all of science is poured and out of which comes pure, giddy goofball delight. This book is a delicious, addictive treat.”

—Mary Roach, author of Stiff and Packing for Mars

Built to

be read

aloud!


Libretto: “The Last Second”A new mini-opera, with story and words by Marc Abrahams

CHARACTERS:

•TheTIMEKEEPER,thescientistwhorunsthescientificofficethatcontrolsthe world’smastertimeclock.(Thatoffice,amongotherthings,administersleapseconds.)

•TheREPORTERwhocomesintothiswantingtowriteanewsreportaboutthe LeapSecond.

•ThechorusofCLOCKS.

THEPLOTOFTHEOPERA:Tonight’soperaisallaboutaleapsecond.Well…morethanoneleapsecond.Thescientistinchargeoftheworld’sMasterTimeClock,aidedbyanaïvejournalist,comesupacleveridea:ifsomeoneweretocreateanEXTRAleapsecond—andnottellanyoneaboutit—thatsomeonecouldplanandcarryoutallkindsoffinancialcrimes—allduringthatsingle,un-announcedextraleapsecond—andinthespaceofthatonesecondbecomeunthinkablywealthy.

Alas…somethinggoeswrongwiththecomputerprogramthatcontrolsthemasterclock.InadditiontoaddingoneEXTRAleapsecond,theprogrammistakenlykeepsonaddingextraleapseconds,unstoppably.

Thiscausesmassivepanic,andmassiveproblems,aroundtheworld.Italsocausesthescientistandthejournalisttogrowwealthierandwealthier,everysecond.Intheopera’sfinale,theypanic,thenrelax,thenpanic…andthendecidetorelaxandmakethebest of it.

ACT 1[MUSIC: “Chacun le sait” from La Fille du Régiment, by Donizetti]

REPORTER:You got a sec?Ineedtocheck:Whatisthepurposeoftheleapsecond?Why,whyonearth?Whatisitworth?But!Tellmefirst,howisthesecondreckoned?

TIMEKEEPER:WhentimegoesbadThat’swhatweadd.Justgivemeamin—I’llmakeyourheadspin!Eachleapsecondwill,Well,maketimestandstill….Whenthemoonandtheearthwaltzaroundinspace,Well,theseasontheearthcannotquitekeeppace.Sothespinoftheearthslightlyslows,Anditcan’tkeepupwithourclocks,Sowedosomethingunorthodox!


CLOCKS:Whatthehell?Whatthehell?Weareslightlyoff.Likeaburntcaramel,Likeasneezeorcough.DoubleTICK,DoubleTOCK,ifwemust.Addasecondtoadjust!Addasecondtoadjust!TICK.Second.TOK.Second.

ONEOFTHECLOCKS:Precisely!Precisely!

TIMEKEEPER:Why,yes,Icould…OH,YES,ICOULD!Letmespeculate/‘causeyou’vebeckoned.WhatifWEknew—JUSTmeandyou.ThattherewouldbeaSECRETextrasecond.Whatcouldwedo,secretly,wetwo—Dowithallthattime?Here’saparadigm:Wecouldturntocrime….Tradingstockshappensnowatafur’iousrate.Inasec,wecanvastlymanipulateAllthestocksontheNewYorkExchange.Noonewillknowthatwe’vecleanedtheirclocks—Thatwe’vedonesomethingunorthodox!

CLOCKCHORUS:Whatthehell?Whatthehell?Weareslightlyoff.Likeaburntcaramel,Likeasneezeorcough.DoubleTICK,DoubleTOCK,ifwemust.A-a-addasecondtoadjust!A-a-addasecondtoadjust!AfterTICK,afterTOK,addanex-traTICK…alsoanextraTOCK!

ACT 2

[MUSIC: “Danse Macabre” by Saint-Saëns]

CLOCKS:TOK,TIK,TOK,TIK…[etc.]

TIMEKEEPER:Contemplateatwisttothespecialsoftwareformanipulatingthemasterclock…

REPORTER:Doingsomethingstrangetothespecialsoftwareformanipulatingthemaster clock?

TIMEKEEPER:Thescientificentitythato-overseestheOFFICIALtimeIschairedby—guesswho?—littleme,whoo-overlookssuperficialcrime.


REPORTER:Whatchagonnado?Howyagonnadoit?Whatchagonnado?Whatchagonnado?

TIMEKEEPER:WhatIgonnado!

REPORTER:Whatchagonnado?Howyagonnadoit?Whatchagonnado?Whatchagonnado?

TIMEKEEPER:WhenthemomentcomesWhenIaddaleapSecond to the clockIwilladdinTWOSeconds to the clockTwo,two,two,TWO!

REPORTER:TWO,two,two,TWO!!

BOTH:Two,two,two,two,two-oo-oo-oo!

Addasecondsec—Addasecondsecondsecondsec!

Addasecondsec—Addasecondsecondsecondsec!

Money,money,money!Makeatrillionbucks.Doubletrillionbucks.Tripletrillionbucks.Trilliontrillionbucks.Andallinjust—injustasecond.

REPORTER:Whatyougonnado,WITHasecondsecond?Whatyougonnado,WITHasecondsec?Whatyougonnado,WITHasecondsecond?Whatyougonnado,WITHasecondsec?

TIMEKEEPER:Makeamilliontrades,infinancialmarkets.Wewillsneakily,secretlyinvest.Makeamilliontrades,infinancialmarkets.Nobodyatallwillhaveevenguessed.

CLOCKS(toeachother,unhappily):Weclocks—weclockswerealwaystoldThattimewaitsfornoone…

REPORTER(toTIMEKEEPER):Youaresobold!

CLOCKS:Thatnoonecouldmanipulate…


TIMEKEEPER:Hey,let’sbeattheclock.Let’sgo“SECOND-rate”!Whennooneknowsthethingsweknow,whennoonegivesasecondthought,Wewillbuyandsell—SeeinghowtotellWhatthepricewillbe‘ForetheothersseeAnythingatall.That’sthesecondwhich…willmakeusrich.

TIMEKEEPER:Doyagotthetime?REPORTER:Yeh,Igotthetime!BOTH:It’stime!It’stime!It’stime!TIMEKEEPER:It’stimetomakethetime!REPORTER:Timetomakethetime!

TIMEKEEPER:Getset!REPORTER:I’mset!TIMEKEEPER:Countdown!REPORTER:Countdown!Teeminusten!Teeminusnine!Teeminuseight!

CLOCKS:TOK,TICK.TOK,TICK.TOK,TICK.TOK, TICK.TOK, TICK.TOK, TICK.TOK… TOK… TOK… TOK… TOK… TOK… TOK… TOK… TOK…

ACT 3 ACT 3, PART 1

[MUSIC: ‘Promenade’ from “Pictures At an Exhibition,” by Mussorgsky.]

CLOCKS:

Timehasgoneverywrong.Verywrong!Verywrong!TOK!TOK!TICK!Yuck!Timehasgoneverywrong.Time has stopped. Time has gotten stuck.LetusTOKaboutTICK,TICKingoffthewholedamnworld.LetusTOKabouthowtimegottwisted,andhowtimehasgotcurled.Eachsecond,eachandeverysecond,eachandev’ryone,onthefaceofev’rytimepiece

intheworld,hasgottenstuck.Gotstuck.Gotstuck.


Timeisstandingstill,standingstill.Alltheairplanes—ev’ryplaneintheair,ev’rywhere—willnoteverland.Butthenthey

will.Also,manyofthechildreninschoolareenraged.That’scausethisdaywillnotend.What’smore,almostalltheteachersareevenmoredistraught.Also,theGPSsystemhasstopped.

ACT 3, PART 2

[MUSIC: Chopin Waltz in E flat major (‘Grande Valse Brillante’)]

[THETIMEKEEPERISALONE.ASLEEP,SITTINGONACHAIR.]

CLOCKS:

DING!DING-A-DING!DING-A-DING!DING-A-DING!DING-A!

Timetoawake!Timetoawake!Timetoawake!You’redreaming!Dreaming!It’sjustabaddream!Timetoawake!Timetoawake!Timetoawake!You’redreaming!Dreaming!It’sjustabaddream!

Time…time…Timetowakeup!You’redreaming!You’redreaming!It’sjustabaddream!

DING!DING-A-DING-A!

Nothing’swrong!Nothing’swrong!No-o-othing!‘Twasonlyadream.Noonethinksyou’reademon.Nothing’swrong!Nothing’swrong!No-o-othing!‘Twasonlyadream.Noonethinksyou’reademon.

DING!DING-A-DING-A!

ACT 3, PART 3

[MUSIC: ‘Promenade’ from “Pictures At an Exhibition,” by Mussorgsky.]

CLOCKS:DOORBELL!DOORBELL!DOORBELL!DOORBELL!DOOR BELL! Open the door! Get the door! Some one is here![REPORTER enters.]REPORTER:Hey, wake up. Don’tpretend,don’tpretendthat nothing changed.It’sYOURfaultEv’ryclockintheworldisdisarranged.Yougotfiredfromyourjob.Yougotfired.Butmorepointedly,Amillionpeoplehateyourguts,millionpeoplehateyourgutsandwantyoudead.

TIMEKEEPER:I’msorry.Iamsorry.

REPORTER:Iamsorry,too.


BOTH:Weareso-o-o-ry.

TIMEKEEPER:Butnow…

REPORTER:Butnow?Whattodo?Butnow?Whattodo?

TIMEKEEPER:Gotasecond?Gotasecond?Gotasecond?

REPORTER:Wehavetimeonourhands.

CLOCKS:TOKTOK

BOTH:Whataperfecttimeforcrime!Timeforcrime!

CLOCKS:TOKTOK

BOTH:Timeforcrime!

CLOCKS:TOKTOK

BOTH:Somedaywewillrepent,willrepentsomeyear,sometime!Butrightnowistheperfecttimeforcrime!

ACT 3, PART 4

[MUSIC: Chopin Waltz in E flat major (‘Grande Valse Brillante’)]

TIMEKEEPER:‘Kay.Okay.Okay!OKAY!

EVERYONE:Time!Time!Timeforcrime!Time!Time!Time!Time!Time!Time!Timeforcrime!TOK!TOK!TOK!CRIME!TOK!TOK!TOK!TIME!CRIME!TIME!CRIME!TIME!CRIME!TIME!CRIME!

Improbable Research Weekly Podcast

CBSisdistributingthe Improbable Research podcast,bothonthe

CBS Play.itwebsite, and on iTunes.


AlistofthenewIgNobelPrizewinnerswillbepostedat WWW.IMPROBABLE.COM

CHEMISTRY PRIZE [AUSTRALIA,USA]—CallumOrmondeandColinRaston[AUSTRALIA], andTomYuan,StephanKudlacek,SameeranKunche,JoshuaN.Smith,WilliamA.Brown,KaitlinPugliese,TivoliOlsen,MariamIftikhar,GregoryWeiss[USA],forinventingachemicalrecipetopartiallyun-boilanegg.

PHYSICS PRIZE [USA,TAIWAN]—PatriciaYang,DavidHu,JonathanPham,andJeromeChoo,for testing the biological principle that nearly all mammals empty their bladders in about 21 seconds (plusorminus13seconds).

LITERATURE PRIZE[THENETHERLANDS,BELGIUM,SPAIN,AUSTRALIA,CANADA,USA]—MarkDingemanse,FranciscoTorreira,andNickJ.Enfield,fordiscoveringthattheword“huh?”(oritsequivalent)seemstoexistineveryhumanlanguage—andfornotbeingcompletelysurewhy.

MANAGEMENT PRIZE [ITALY,SINGAPORE,UK,INDIA,FRANCE,LUXEMBOURG, GERMANY,JAPANUSA]—GennaroBernile,VineetBhagwat,andP.RaghavendraRau,for discoveringthatmanybusinessleadersdevelopedduringchildhoodafondnessforrisk-taking, whentheyexperiencednaturaldisasters(suchasearthquakes,volcaniceruptions,tsunamis,andwildfires)that—forthem—hadnodirepersonalconsequences.

ECONOMICS PRIZE [THAILAND]—TheBangkokMetropolitanPolice,forofferingtopaypolicemenextracashifthepolicemenrefusetotakebribes.

MEDICINE PRIZE [JAPAN,CHINA,SLOVAKIA,GERMANY,US,UK]—Awardedjointlytotwogroups:HajimeKimata;andtoJaroslavaDurdiaková,PeterCelec,NatáliaKamodyová,TatianaSedláčková,GabrielaRepiská,BarbaraSviežená,andGabrielMinárik,forexperimentstostudythebiomedicalbenefitsorbiomedicalconsequencesofintensekissing(andotherintimate,interpersonalactivities).

MATHEMATICS PRIZE [AUSTRIA,GERMANY,UK]—ElisabethOberzaucherandKarl Grammer,fortryingtousemathematicaltechniquestodeterminewhetherandhowMoulayIsmaeltheBloodthirsty,theSharifianEmperorofMorocco,managed,duringtheyearsfrom1697through1727,tofather888children.

BIOLOGY PRIZE [CHILE,USA]—BrunoGrossi,OmarLarach,MauricioCanals,RodrigoA.Vásquez,JoséIriarte-Díaz,forobservingthatwhenyouattachaweightedsticktotherearendofachicken,thechickenthenwalksinamannersimilartothatinwhichdinosaursarethoughttohavewalked.

DIAGNOSTIC MEDICINE PRIZE [CANADA,UK,NEWZEALAND,US,BAHRAIN, BELGIUM,DUBAI,INDIA,SOUTHAFRICA,SYRIA,CHINA]—DiallahKarim,Anthony Harnden,NigelD’Souza,AndrewHuang,AbdelKaderAllouni,HelenAshdown,RichardJ. Stevens,andSimonKreckler,fordeterminingthatacuteappendicitiscanbeaccuratelydiagnosed bytheamountofpainevidentwhenthepatientisdrivenoverspeedbumps.

PHYSIOLOGY and ENTOMOLOGY PRIZE [PANAMA,USA,CANADA,UK,THE NETHERLANDS]—Awardedjointlytotwoindividuals:JustinSchmidt,forpainstakinglycreating theSchmidtStingPainIndex,whichratestherelativepainpeoplefeelwhenstungbyvariousinsects;andtoMichaelL.Smith,forcarefullyarrangingforhoneybeestostinghimrepeatedlyon25differentlocationsonhisbody,tolearnwhichlocationsaretheleastpainful(theskull,middletoetip,andupperarm).andwhicharethemostpainful(thenostril,upperlip,andpenisshaft).

ForacompletelistofallIgNobelPrizewinners(1991-now) seetheImprobableResearchwebsite

WWW.IMPROBABLE.COM


SANDERS THEATRE INFORMATION

Sanders Theatre is managed by MemorialHall/LowellHallComplexatHarvardUniversity 45QuincyStreet,Room027,Cambridge,MA02138 T617.496.4595|F617.495.2420|[email protected]

Forhistoryofthebuilding,visitwww.fas.harvard.edu/memhall

RESTROOMSarelocatedonthelowerlevel.

LATECOMERSwillbeseatedatthediscretionofmanagement.

PHOTOGRAPHY AND RECORDING of any kind is not permitted in Sanders Theatre. Equipmentmaybeconfiscated.

Lost and FoundCall617.496.4595orvisitMemorialHall027.HarvardUniversityisnotresponsibleforlostorstolenproperty.

PARKINGThere is no parking at Sanders Theatre.FreeparkingformosteventsisavailableatBroadwayGarage,cornerofBroadwayandFeltonStreet,fromonehourpre-performancetoonehourpost.Parkingforsomestudenteventswillbe at52OxfordStreetGarage.

Access for Patrons with Disabilities AccessibleseatingcanbearrangedthroughtheBoxOffice.SandersTheatreisequippedwith AssistiveListeningDevices,available30minutespriortoevents.

Accessible parking for events: There is no parking at Sanders Theatre itself. Patrons may be droppedoffinthecircleontheKirklandStreetsideofSandersTheatreneartheaccessibleentrance.WeencouragepatronstoparkateithertheBroadwayGarageor52OxfordStreetLot.TheBroadwayGarageisfullyaccessibleandtherearecurbcutsatallcrosswalksbetweenthegarageandthe Sanders Theatre.

Ifnecessary,alimitednumberofaccessibleparkingspacesmaybeavailableinnearbylocationbyadvancearrangement.Itisextremelydifficulttohonorrequestsreceivedlessthan5businessdayspriortoanevent.Pleaseplanahead.

ToarrangeforanAccessibleParkingSpaceinanearbyparkinglot,contact:

1.HarvardUniversityParkingOfficeat495-3772AND/OR

2.UniversityDisabilityServicesat495-1859,Mon-Fri9am-5pm oremail:[email protected]

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IgBILL - Improbable Research always, IgBill had incomplete information at press time. You may not be able to tell the players even with this scorecard. ... Libretto starts on page