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[Disciplining Your Child]

The term disciple—student—comes from the word “discipline.” What does a student do? A student learns.

The goal of discipline is that a child should come to know the difference between right and wrong on his own.

Every child needs to be disciplined. This is necessary to become a civil, moral person amongst society. A child that is not disciplined will grow up with a high ego, spoiled, and selfish, with too many directions to turn. Nothing is off limits for this person. This is the extreme opposite of a Torah Jew, who must know what Hashem expects of him and what is the appropriate manner in which to conduct himself.

Discipline is not just an excuse to get angry, no. The underlying root of discipline must be love. If discipline is not out of love, then it really is an expression of anger without any concern for the eventual turnout of the child.

The Rambam, a brilliant Torah scholar in his time, says that one should discipline with “soft shoelaces.” He means that yes, the exterior punishment is necessary to teach the child right and wrong. Yet, it should be soft shoelaces—the basis should be out of love and not really a desire to punish a child, because you love your child and want only the best for him.

A parent who loves his child wants only the utmost happiness and success for him. It is only that parent who can then show tenderness to the child following the incident. And that is what’s key. If a child sees that he is loved, then even in moments of seeming anger, he can understand that his parents only want the best for him and are looking out for his welfare.

Therefore, when your child does disappoint you and misbehaves (which will happen and is a child’s way of discovering and learning the consequences of his actions), do not reprimand or punish right away. The reason for this is that at that moment, you

are angry and most likely have good reason to be so (that was your late grandmother’s antique china vase all the way from prewar Europe!). But the discipline would then stem from anger—an emotion that has no place in raising a Jewish child. Hold your tongue—and your hand—and walk away. Yes, you’ve heard this before and it is not easy, but you are angry and you need to calm down. Your child does need to be disciplined for disobeying you and playing ball in the house, but what he really needs is to understand that not listening to Mommy causes trouble. He could have knocked

down a mirror that can shatter

and cut him very badly! Or knock over his science project that the whole family has been working on for weeks! Mommy has reasons for setting rules: she just wants everyone to be happy and comfortable.

Yelling at your child is not an effective way to reprimand. Raising your voice demonstrates a loss of control, which a child can identify. This is why a child sometimes

laughs of runs off when an adult yells at him. But yelling is hurtful, too. Instead of hearing your words, a child only hears your tone: anger. This doesn’t teach what a child should do, only what he shouldn’t do. In a calmer tone of voice, you can convey your disappointment, what you expected of him, why he shouldn’t do what he did, and so on. Remember, you must never say that the child is bad, rather that his behavior is wrong. There is a profound difference.

Sometimes, even a certain look displays a disappointment that cuts right into the child’s heart. Yelling and screaming just causes tears and hurtful feelings. Keeping

your cool is on the forefront of parenthood smarts. Remember, he who is heard least is heard most.

Hitting a child is a category all in its own. The Torah is not opposed to hitting entirely, but it is to be used with caution. Hitting is reserved for less than a handful of situations that call for extreme action. If a two-year-old reaches up to touch a hot stove, there is no time to compose yourself. You most certainly do not wait for him to burn himself and “let him learn the hard way.” You take his hand and give it a good slap. Let the tears come. That child will remember to never reach up to touch that stove again. Slapping is not to be used on a whim or by teachers in school, which is wholly inappropriate.

Remember, you want your child to learn what’s right, not just what’s wrong. You can make incentives to do good, not just punishments when he does bad. Charts with stars and a reward upon receiving a certain amount of stars is a great motivational tool. Make columns for such things as “not

hitting your sister back when she hits you” or “putting away the toys when you are done playing.”

No one said parenting is easy. It takes time to get into the groove and to see what works best for you and your family. And if you find yourself at a loss, don’t worry; you’ll get your head back soon. Just pick up your child and give him a hug. No harm there. [IF]

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Many people wonder about the benefits of a Personal Trainer. How is having a trainer different

than going to a group class, or following a workout poster, or even putting in an exercise DVD and following along?I personally have gone all the way from

being an inexperienced (and overweight) exerciser, to a gym addict, to a certified Personal trainer, to a gym owner. I will attempt to highlight some of the reasons and benefits of having a personal trainer so that you can make the right decision for yourself.Most people, when doing exercise on

their own, do it wrong. When I used to teach in big gyms, I would often look around the room in the middle of my class and see about 70 percent of the members performing the exercise wrong. Keep in mind, this is with an instructor standing in the front demonstrating the exercise. Imagine how much more so people are likely to perform the exercise incorrectly when doing it on their own! So what’s wrong with performing the exercise incorrectly? Is it not enough to “just do it”? The answer is no, absolutely not! In order for an exercise to be effective (meaning that you will see results from it), it MUST be performed correctly. This is not even mentioning the fact that when exercises are performed wrong, serious injury to the muscle can occur. If you want to ensure you get the most out of your workout, working with a trainer who is supervising your every move one on one will guarantee that.

IF YOU PAY FOR IT, YOU USE IT!

Personal training sessions are not cheap (although they are worth every penny). I hear from many of my clients that the fact that they are paying for the session motivates them to really make the most of

it. Sure, you may have paid for a treadmill or a workout DVD, but it’s there, and it’s not going anywhere. A trainer on the other hand is only there for a set period of time, so it’s up to you to use that time efficiently.

YOUR LEVEL, YOUR GOALS.As opposed to a group class or a DVD, which just gives you a standard general workout, a trainer will customize the workout to YOU and YOUR needs. Whether your goal is to reduce your hip size or trim your waist, a trainer will have the right exercises to reach your goals. A trainer also knows your level and any health conditions or restrictions you may have, and will work with you accordingly.

MONITORING PROGRESS.Most trainers will perform a full body analysis on their clients every month to monitor progress. This may include measuring inches, body fat testing, and calculating the BMI (Body Mass Index). This is the BEST indicator of progress.

Aside from being motivating and exciting, this monitoring will help trainers see the effectiveness of the workouts and assess whether anything needs to be changed.

YOUR OWN PERSONAL COACH.

What can be better than that? Someone to cheer you on, yell at you when you ate too much, and push you harder than you would ever push yourself!

DOING THE SAME OLD THING WILL LEAD YOU TO...

NOWHERE.Your body needs constant change in order to yield results. This means new moves, changes of intensity, and completely new workouts. Most people have a limited amount of exercises that they are familiar with and will do. The problem with that is that once your body gets used to something, it stops reacting to it and will not make changes. Any good trainer will always challenge you with new types of moves to get your body to react. As I like to tell my clients, “You gotta freak your body out!” So if you want to see REAL results and watch your body change like never before, invest in a personal trainer. You’ll be amazed, and of course, you’ll be fit as well. [IF]

Tanya Rosen is the owner of Shape Fitness, a women’s fitness studio chain in Kensington and Flatbush. As a certified and experienced Personal Trainer, Aerobics Instructor, and nutritionist, Tanya offers these three services to the community. Tanya specializes in Prenatal and postnatal fitness, and is best known for her personal and caring approach towards every member of the Shape Fitness family. Tanya can be reached at 718-438-2400 or 718-338-8700.

[Why Hire a Personal Trainer?]By: Tanya Rosen

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I wish I could discuss the economy, its cycles, why it is the way it is, but unfortunately I’m no Suze Orman.

Aren’t you fortunate that I can’t bore you with smart insights and observations like how to start making your own coffee at home? Yuck. What I do know is that we are in an unfortunate economic place right now. Welcome to Recession Chic.

They say necessity is the mother of invention. Who exactly “they” is I’m not sure, but I think I’ll just take the liberty to update this saying. Recession is the mother of invention.

We’ve already established that I don’t know much about Economics, but I never said anything about my knowledge of Fashionomics. Out of these trying times emerges the uber-trendy Recessionista and Frugalista. A Recessionista is basically a former fashionista on this new quest for fine items at an affordable cost. She is a person who is able to remain stylish during times of economic hardship. A Recessionista does not let a bad economy, inflation, or a strong recession damage her wardrobe and opts to search for sales. A Frugalista can also shop on a limited budget and still manage to be up to date on the most current fashions. Regardless of a recession, she only buys things that make fashioncents.

When the recession hit, many developed cases of Recessionitis. Recessionitis is much like chronic bronchitis that can take months, even years to go away. Recessionitis is the new excuse to go on a Spending Fast. This is the act of excluding yourself from any social activities because you simply

just can’t afford it. If this person isn’t careful, she could easily become FashioNONable, a trait commonly found in people who wear what was fashionable a very long time ago. On a more serious note, a sufferer will not shop, socialize, or go out to eat. The case may even be grave enough for the person to become an Economic Vegetarian, only eating vegetables because you can’t afford to buy meat. A Recessionista, however, would never let this happen. Although at one point she was a Luxaholic, a person with a healthy addiction to the finer things in life, she makes do with what she has and makes some Recession Lemonade.The characteristics of a Recesssionista and

Frugalista sound eerily familiar, don’t they? Are these just fancy terms for glossing over the word cheap? No one likes to be called cheap, but what Jewish woman hasn’t been a Bargainista at some point or her whole life? How many Jewish women do we meet at Friends and Family sales, sample sales, regular sales racks, or at Loehmann’s? It’s something we’ve all been doing since before the recession ever became the subject matter in shul. Are we Jewish ladies just ahead of our times, Style Mavens on a budget before being on a budget was ever considered posh?

So I’ll put money down (even in this recession) that this isn’t the first time you’ve heard the terms Recessionista and Frugalista. The media seems to be

[Welcome to Recession Chic]By: Riki Wagh

glamorizing living on a budget and using it as a marketing tool. Target has a whole ad campaign revolving around Frugalista friends, positioning their products and services not only as the smart thing

to do, but the posh one. One department store developed

a Collection for Ladies Who Wish They Could Lunch! High end designers will debut the line in stores this month—stylish clothes at more affordable prices and venues, with prices starting at around $350. Um, is this what this world is coming to, where $350 is considered inexpensive? It could not be any more patronizing. Unfortunately, just like the economy, there’s nothing we can do to change it.

We’ll just have to try to stay positive, enjoy our Staycations, vacations spent at home, because let’s face it, the price is right. And when you need some humor in your life, just add the word “ista” at the end of a word. For instance, I let that meter maid know that she is a real Stupidista and somehow felt better. Give it a try. It beats the alternative, turning into a Depressionista. [IF]

Riki Wagh is the owner and lead designer at the women’s clothing store CHICK, which carries casual to dressy moderately priced clothing, outerwear, and accessories and is located at 2400 Ave L (side entrance). She can be reached at 347.229.7726.

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First, you need the right supplies:

ROUND BRUSH—Purchase a sturdy, wooden-handled medium round brush with soft bristles. These bristles reduce frizzing and tangles. You can buy one at a beauty supply store or a local hair salon. Most pharmacies do not carry this type of brush. The round brush from Goody is not the optimal choice. Invest in a good one.HAIRDRYER—Make sure your hair dryer is high-powered to reduce drying time. Dryers with nozzle attachments at the end provide a greater concentration of the hot air and also reduce drying time.HAIR IRON—If you have a long, straight

[How to Wash and Set Your Wig]

wig, you may want to iron it after blowing for good measure. However, the twenty-dollar irons in drug stores don’t work so well. You may want to splurge just a little on this item.CURLING IRON—If you want to curl your wig, you can purchase a one-inch curling iron for under $20.IRON SHIELD—An iron shield spray prevents the hair from heat damage. Always spritz the entire wig before ironing or curling the hair. This can be purchased for a few dollars from any pharmacy. Try the one from Tresseme, called Heat Tamer Spray, which doesn’t leave the hair sticky.CLAMP—A clamp is a stand for your sheitel

head that secures onto most flat surfaces, either through suction or “clamping” onto an edge. This can be purchased at most beauty supply stores or obtained through your regular sheitel macher or wig stylist.STYROFOAM HEAD—You will need a styrofoam head that you place over the wig clamp. You can then pin your wig to the head in various ways.PINS—You can purchase these at any beauty supply store or from your regular sheitel macher or wig stylist.SMALL HAIR CLIPS—When you blow-dry on your own, it is easier if you clip all the hair up and take down sections as you go along. You then may also want to clip

With the countless expenses of daily living, every saving helps. As the old adage says, “A penny saved is a penny earned.” Washing and setting your own wig can cost up to fifty dollars, and your wig might need washing every four weeks!

That adds up to a lot of money each year. It would behoove you—and your bank account—to simply learn how to do it yourself.

(continued on page 30)

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together the hair that you have already dried to keep it separate from the wet hair and prevent it from getting all blown and messed up.SHAMPOO & CONDITIONER—Buy a reliable shampoo and conditioner in separate bottles (not the 2 in 1). Make sure it is formulated for color-treated hair—your wig may be dyed, even if you think otherwise. You can choose a brand from a local hair salon or you can even use Suave or Pantene, which are widely available and work well.TOWEL—Your wig will need to air dry for a little while, which can create quite a mess. After you finish washing and gently towel-drying your wig, put it on the head and over a towel on a flat surface where no one will touch it.

ROLLERS—You can choose to set your wig with rollers,

which are widely available in drug stores and

beauty supply stores. You can use foam or velcro, whichever you prefer.BIOSILK—Available in beauty supply stores and salons. Use it to prevent flyaways.HAIRSPRAY—Good to have on hand. Never overdo it. Find one that is lightweight and not sticky.

Now you are ready to learn. Brush your wig out gently before you begin.

Turn on the faucet to a warm temperature. Holding the wig from the tip of the forehead netting, hold it under the warm water and wet the entire wig. Turn the water off. Pour shampoo into the palm of one hand and run your fingers through the hair until all the hair has been shampooed. Turn on the water and rinse thoroughly. Repeat. Then do the same with the conditioner.

Turn the water off and gently towel-dry the wig. Put it on the styrofoam head and let it air dry until it is mostly dry. Blow-drying a very wet wig can damage the hair

and take way too long, but waiting until it is completely dry makes it hard to work with. Wait several hours, or all day if you need to.

When you’re ready to start blow-drying, try to make sure that you won’t be interrupted. Blow-drying shouldn’t take more than half-an-hour. Pin the wig to the head at the top and on the sides. Now take down sections of hair at the nape of the neck. Hold the brush with your left hand and the dryer with your right if you are a “righty,” and vice versa if you are a “lefty.” Don’t wrap the hair around the brush.

Start at the root and work your way down towards the end. As you blow, jiggle the hair dryer around in your hand so that a section of hair is not under direct heat for more than a few seconds. Run the brush down several times until the section is dry. You can flip the section up or down

if you wish by wrapping the ends of the hair around the brush, rolling up a few inches, and directing the heat towards it.

Work your way around the head and upward. Continue taking down small sections of hair and drying. When you get to the crown, you may want to make a part or add height to the bangs, so blow accordingly. Add height by wrapping the ends around the brush, holding the brush up high, and blowing the hair up by the roots.

If you choose to iron the wig, first spritz the entire wig with an iron shield, which will prevent the hair from heat damage. Plug in your hair iron for a few minutes before starting and run it down from root to tip. You shouldn’t let the hair get too hot, so don’t hold it over one spot for more than a couple of seconds.

Finish a straight wig by pouring a dot of Biosilk into your palm. Rub your hands together and gently run your fingers through the strands to prevent flyaways.

You can also set your wig with rollers. You can put a roller under the bangs or around the flipped ends, or use it just to give a certain section some lift. Leave rollers in overnight.

Another way to “train” the hair in the direction you want it to go is to pin the hair on the head. For example, if you want the bangs to stay out of your eyes, twist the bangs and pin them back on the head. When you remove the pin, the bangs should stay back for several hours.

If you want to curl your wig, don’t blow it. Let it air dry completely. Spray it lightly with a lightweight hairspray to give it some staying power, and curl small sections at a time. Take the section and wrap it away from the clamp so that it doesn’t make a mark. Take

different size

s e c t i o n s and curl some this

way and some that way to make it look more natural. Don’t

curl the very ends of the hair; it will look more natural that way. When you are

done, spray some hairspray into your

hand and mix it with a dot of Biosilk. Rub your

hands together and work your hands gently all over

the curls.The last step is to

admire your work. Sorry, the last step is to

wear your work. So tuck in your ponytail, put on some

lipstick, and enjoy! [IF]

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I always tell people that I have one of the most challenging and exceptional jobs in the world. Fundraising for any

tzedaka—and especially one not serving the donor’s home community directly—is the ultimate, most sophisticated sales job in the world. It is in fact, the purest of sales.

Selling the World to Come

After all, what other salesman is selling a product that you can’t touch or feel

or benefit materially from in this world? In essence, we are selling people on the notion of the World to Come and the promise of a reward when they get there. If you are able to fundraise successfully, I truly believe that you can accomplish anything.

I can spend hours waxing eloquently about the merits and relative glories of working within the Jewish community as a fundraiser and the high-level satisfaction that I, and my peers, receive from the work we do. However, a recent Sunday afternoon with my family at a city-wide sports event

dedicated to charity opened my eyes to an aspect of my job that I’ve known about for years but never written or spoke much about.

While at the event and in between explaining to my young children what was going on below, I found myself glued to the handout materials that the sponsor organization provided. The program booklet they gave out was glossy, picture-filled, and thick, and I digested it solidly for nearly an hour, to my children’s dismay.

Other Organization Events are Worktime!

I know that many in our community complain about going to “too many”

events or “not enjoying” charity functions, but in truth, I am unable to relate to them at all….and I think any serious fundraiser understands what I am saying. Fundraisers just don’t look at charity events in the same way that “normal” people do. For us, events are full blown work sessions.

Reading through the event literature, of course I looked to see whose names and companies were listed (as many others do…and the fact that we do is in fact the reason they print the sponsors’ names and advertisements in the first place). However, it is after this first, oh-so elementary step that my professional instincts take over and I leave the realm of normal.

You see, I also look to see whose names are NOT listed or SHOULD BE listed but aren’t. I also search my memory to see whose sponsorships seem more or less prominent than past years. I also try to determine if the handout is bigger or smaller, cheaper or higher quality, thicker or thinner, better-edited/designed or not, than prior years. I try to figure out what printer they’re using or not using. Full color printing or more black and white pages? Did the host organization spend more this year than past years? Did they spend too much relative to the projected return? Too little? All these and similar questions race through my mind

[The Ultimate Sales Job – Fundraising]By: Moshe Kinderlehrer

(continued on page 34)

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me as I process the text in front of me. I am not even done and only getting

started. As I read through the names, I generate mental To-Dos to follow up with some of the people listed that I know. I begin to mentally review my relationships with some of these names and think about how to approach or re-approach them. I try to quickly dream up new and creative approaches (most never see the light of day) to different donors and potential donors. When my wife isn’t looking, I send myself emails on my Blackberry reminding me to send an email or to call this person or that one. This goes on and on and there is almost no end to it.

By the time I have arrived at the back cover, I likely have amassed between five and twenty follow-up items and a good number of event and fundraising-related ideas ranging from silly to the sublime. By this time, my children are ready to give up on me as well. Thankfully, they didn’t have too many choices for a ride home so they stuck with me…for now.

What I am saying is that for the serious fundraiser, attending another organization’s event isn’t just research but is in fact almost a full day’s work. Don’t even get me started on an organization’s annual dinner and a juicy nice-sized dinner journal. This is definitely not the way one should spend quality time with one’s family or spouse. Is this the way to live?

I can’t answer that last question easily, but I do know that being involved professionally in the philanthropic and fundraising world has definitely changed my outlook on events like the sporting event I attended recently.

Why Can’t I Just Enjoy an Event Like Most?

On a certain level, I resent the changes that have come over me. Why can’t

I just enjoy an event like most? However, after a few years in the field, resentment has turned into grudging acceptance that this is just the way it is….and just as rabbis and doctors hold critical and visible roles in our society and must meet certain expectations from their peers and associates (the rabbi and doctor are expected to always be on call for their members and patients respectively), so it is with us in the fundraising world. Our work affects our private time not merely because we must go to a lot of events, but more so in how we

participate and view them. It’s a fact of life and work and I think many would agree.

Others may see this as just another reason not to enter the field of fundraising (or as we prefer to call it, “development”). I prefer to look at the positives here. I promise that there are some very meaningful and substantial psychological and emotional rewards for those of us in the fundraising arena (although less so on the financial side for most in our field). I resolve now to dedicate a future column to these rewards and guarantee that it will be longer than a few brief tongue-in-cheek sentences.

Yes, there are rewards to what I do, and the fact that they aren’t as visible or come to mind as quickly does not mean that there aren’t any. Enough rationalizing for now on this…(Hey, I’ve tried investment banking and dotcom startups already, and they aren’t for me!)

The Shoemaker & the Shoe Factory

I hate ending on a downbeat tone and prefer to close with the well-known story told

about the Chofetz Chaim and a distraught fundraiser. This is a story that I carry with me always and I recommend to all who’ve ever been in the position of raising funds for any nonprofit to take to heart.

The story goes as follows:. A yeshiva fundraiser in Europe came to the Chofetz Chaim to complain about his job and the repeated abuse, minimal reward, and months away from family that his work required. He pleaded his case to the Chofetz Chaim and then there was silence.

The Chofetz Chaim asked him, “How much do you think a custom shoemaker makes on a pair of shoes?”

The man looked at the Chofetz Chaim dumbfounded.

So the Chofetz Chaim explained further: “If a shoe goes for $10 and the leather costs $4, how much does he makes?”

The fundraiser answered: “$6.”The Chofetz Chaim asked again: “How

much do you think a shoe factory makes on a pair of shoes?”

The fundraiser answered appropriately: “Since the factory has to pay all of its workers and has more costs, then it makes sense that on a per shoe basis, they probably make much less per shoe than the individual shoemaker makes.”

The Chofetz Chaim asked again, smiling

this time: “Correct…so then why is the shoemaker always poor and the owners of the factories rich? Because the shoemaker can only make one pair while the factory is producing hundreds. Even though the profit margin is smaller, he becomes rich because he makes a hundred pairs of shoes for every pair the shoemaker makes.”

The Chofetz Chaim continued: “Don’t you understand? You are running a factory also! Every student’s learning helps you accumulate more and more reward!!!

I’ve loved this story and its message since I read it a few years ago in a collection of tales published by Rabbi Chaim Orange of Torah Ore (A Collector’s Collection—Humorous & Uplifting Stories Told by One of Today’s Top Fund-Raisers, 2004). And I’ve expanded on it also.

What I hear the Chofetz Chaim saying clearly is that fundraisers are the big businessmen of the nonprofit world and we must recognize and internalize this simple truth, even if the larger community may not always see it that way. Our work impacts hundreds, if not the thousands or tens of thousands that our nonprofits help in some way.

A successful businessman must also think in big numbers if he’s going to succeed further. Same thing with the fundraiser. We are, in fact, kindred spirits. I guess that’s partially why I enjoy learning so much about the businesses that my donors are involved with and the many challenges they face within their own industries.

It’s thoughts like these that keep me going and committed to my work, despite so many challenges. If I didn’t believe the Chofetz Chaim on this, how else could I continue? [IF]

Moshe Kinderlehrer is currently the Director of Development of American Friends of Table to Table Israel, Israel’s Food Rescue Network. Prior to that, he was a nonprofit and fundraising consultant with over a decade of experience working for and with a wide variety of nonprofits. He is also an ordained Orthodox rabbi (Yeshiva University/RIETS) and holds an MA in Politics from NYU, and may one day get a Ph.D in Political Economy. He resides in Bergen County, NJ, with his wife and four children. If you have any questions or comments you can reach Moshe at mkinderlehrer@yahoo.com

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CAN A HORSE

HELP BUILD JEWISH HOMES?Can a trip to Italy? A night in NYC? How about a two-year car lease?

Can these things help to promote spiritual growth? With the proceeds

from these and other prizes helping to keep the doors of

Ohr Naava Women’s Torah Center open wide, they certainly

can. Join us at the home of Yossi and Hene Rubin at

1276 E. 22nd Street in Brooklyn for fine hospitality

and an all-day special event: An auction where

the prizes are as inviting as the warm

surroundings, and the ambiance is

as charming as the attendees.

OHR NAAVA

12.09.09 11A M TO 10PM

A DELIGHTFULLY UNIQUE AUCTION brought to you through the collective

efforts of the girls and women of our community. Visit ohrnaava.com for more info.

בס״ד

Fo u n d e d i n l ov i n g m e m o r y o f N a ava K a t l ow i t z ה ״ ע

HELP

for fine hospitality

and an all-day special event: An auction where

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The Social Media Revolution Explained

So you’ve been hearing about Facebook for a while now, and maybe you even use it—but what’s this Twitter

everyone’s talking about? And what is “Social Media?”

We use “Social Media” as a broad term to describe the many conversations that take place online—often between complete strangers.

[I Use the Web, But What’s This Twitter?] By: Leah Helfgott

“Why would I want to speak to strangers online?”

Well, here is an example that you may have experienced yourself: It is late at night and your computer is giving you error messages. You search the web for the text of the error message and find a technical forum where people are talking about your exact problem….and they’ve already figured out the fix.

Here’s another example: It’s Friday and you need a quick reference for a chicken recipe that includes honey. You search the web for “chicken” and “honey” and happen to find a great recipe on a blog. It says the author is a “mom of 2” from Arizona. You don’t know her, but her chicken came out great.

So it turns out that sometimes we do need complete strangers and that sometimes they really do have something to add to our lives. Whether it’s a problem, a specific job interest, or an odd hobby, there’s always someone else out there with the same thing. Those of us who use Social Media have also discovered that it’s actually a great feeling to know we are among others in the same boat, and that strangers can actually be very helpful to us.

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“Why would a business need a blog if it already has a website?”

As blogs continued to grow, we discovered that it was a great place to schmooze with people—especially customers. So instead of a company just showing a website with “Our Mission, Our Leadership, Our Products,” etc., the company could now engage directly with users. The website with “Our Mission, Our Leadership, Our Products” would still remain, but there would also be this less formal area of the site where users would get a glimpse into the company’s culture, hear about upcoming new products, comment on something, or ask a question. These more involved users would be more loyal customers and would be more likely to visit the site again.

This is still the concept behind many web initiatives. Some companies engage their users through games, giveaways, and contests, all posted on their blogs. Others use updated news items to get readers to come back. Some blogs feature special sales, or even the personal musings of the CEO. Whatever will catch a user’s attention—and hold it—is worth putting up on the web. Thus, for many companies, the blog has become a key marketing tool and an important piece of their presence on the web.

“So what is Facebook?”Facebook uses the same “discussion board”

technolog y that a blog uses: a user can

write text and another user

can comment on it. To start, a user

registers by entering basic information and

is given a “profile,” or page, which they can fill

up however they like. Two users can mutually agree to be

“Facebook friends.” This means that they can see the other

person’s profile, view their photos, see their contact info, send them messages,

chat with them, invite them to events, join interest groups

with them, and interact with them in many other ways.

For some of the younger generation, Facebook has become a main way to interact with their real-life friends. For instance, one

teen posts, “I’m bored” to their profile page, a friend sees it and comments on the post, “Me too.” Meanwhile, they are both sitting in the same library.

For those of us who are a little older than that, Facebook may very well be about connecting with old friends. For example, Sarah hasn’t been in touch with Rebecca for years, but because Karen is “friends” with both of them, Sarah and Rebecca connect via Facebook. Now, each one knows what their old friend is up to—they can view career, family, and contact info, and even see current pictures of each other. Those of us who have made such connections via Facebook can tell you it really brings back memories and is a great way to casually keep in touch with old friends.

Facebook was created in 2004 by a Harvard student named Mark Zuckerberg. Originally, it was designed for Harvard students to get to know their classmates. Later it grew to other universities and was introduced in high schools. Then, starting in 2007, it became open to anyone 13 or older with a valid email address. Since then, it has grown enormously and now has over 300 million active users (facebook.com).

“Why are businesses using Facebook?”

As the worldwide chatter continues to grow, naturally, each company vies to be the topic of conversation. Thus, it follows that businesses have jumped on the Facebook bandwagon. Having their own Business Fan Page, businesses can now be part of conversations about their products or services. They can respond quickly to customer issues. They can post sales, company news, or links to their latest blog post.

And here is where everything begins to connect. A business with a smart Social Media strategy will connect it all: the website, the blog, the Facebook page, and the Twitter profile. They will have links to each other and sometimes even similar messages. The goal is to show a consistent voice, but to offer different media through which people can connect with the company. Some people prefer to use Facebook; other people aren’t Facebook users, but the business might catch them reading the blog. Some people are browsing the website when they see a Facebook link; they click on the link and join the company’s Facebook page.

From a marketing standpoint, Social

“How did it all start?” In the early days of the internet (circa 1995), a website was a place where you found information about a company or an organization. Then, in 1998–1999, several programmers simultaneously started websites that could serve as “discussion boards”—where people could comment on something they were reading, and then see their comment appear on the page when they clicked “Submit.”

This was the first “web-log” or “blog” software. Blogs allowed a person to post whatever text they wanted instantly without knowing any programming and without having a website of their own. It also allowed for others to comment on these posts. Blogs were a tremendous step for Social Media because they were the beginnings of social interaction on the internet—not via email—but on the internet itself.

Since then, blogs have mushroomed. According to one report from January 2009, 77% of active internet users read blogs (thefuturebuzz.com). There are over 100 million authors in the “blogosphere,” (wikipedia.com) and every day, millions more people talk about them on other blogs, on websites, on Facebook, and on Twitter. Oprah, Brian Williams, and Anna Kournikova all have blogs, and the New York Times has a whole host of blogs.

In recent years, we have seen how blogs can be pretty powerful. In 2002, U.S. Majority Leader Trent Lott stepped down as majority leader when several bloggers showed how his words could be construed as supporting racial segregation. In 2005, Dan Rather resigned as anchorman of the CBS Evening News because bloggers questioned a report that based itself on potentially forged documents. You may recall the report had been made two months before the 2004 presidential election and was critical of President Bush’s military service. The report could easily have tipped public opinion away from Bush, but bloggers brought the report down.

Thus, you may not be a blogger, but the “blogosphere” certainly has an impact on the world in which you live.

(continued on page 42)

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Media makes a lot of sense. Blogs, Facebook, and Twitter are all free, which means that companies can invest little or nothing and reach their targeted markets. They can solicit feedback and engage customers like never before. And for those who have money to spend, Facebook does offer targeted ad space for reasonable rates.

“And Twitter…?”Started in 2006, Twitter is also based on “discussion board” software, but its focus is on small bits of information. Like Facebook, a user has a profile with basic info about himself. However, since Twitter users aren’t usually real-life friends with their “followers,” Twitter profiles have very limited personal data. In fact, most Twitter profiles have just one sentence about the person and then a link to their blog or

website. Twitter is also

brief when it comes to writing on the “discussion board.” The field only allows 140

characters—which is about the length of

a sentence. Users can post as many of these

posts as they wish, but each post can only contain

140 characters. When you post, or “tweet,” something,

each of your “followers” can view your words on their own

homepage. And vice versa: when someone you are “following” “tweets”

something, you see it on your homepage.So if you were to read your homepage

straight through, it might be very confusing—lots of people talking about lots of different things. But as you “follow” these same people for a time, believe it or not, you get to know them. You discover the kinds of things they like to post, the things they are interested in, and the websites they frequent. If these things interest you as well, you continue to “follow” them. At any point in time, you may choose to “unfollow” them. This means that you can still see their posts but that they will no longer appear on your homepage.

“Why do people use Twitter?”In a way, Twitter users are in a world of their own, and it would be hard for them to explain why this particular medium is

so fascinating and holds their attention for so long. Twitter fans are often “tweeting” from their phones on the train, in the store, and just about everywhere they go. Famous people who “tweet” include: Larry King, Eli Manning, Ellen DeGeneres, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Miley Cyrus, and even Barack Obama. Interestingly, President Obama has over 2.4 million “followers,” and Senator John McCain, who ran against him in the 2008 election, has only 1.4 million.

It’s a little bit like a game, but actually so much more. The key to understanding Twitter is realizing that it is not just random people saying random things into a vacuum. Rather, it is a mega-community, encompassing many smaller communities of people who are thinking and talking together. For many users, Twitter is for the exchange of ideas, intellectual thought, best practices, news updates, and business networking. Twitter users tend to be older and more mature than Facebook users. More often than not, posts include links to online articles, blog posts, and business websites. The Twitter crowd is more interested in what a person has to say than in, say, viewing hundreds of “pics” uploaded to a Facebook page.

Twitter lends itself well to influencing social movements, fashion trends, political campaigns, and even healthcare reform. (For example, see @barackobama.) Twitter aggregates “trending topics”— popular subjects based on what people are “tweeting” at any given moment. For instance, on October 14, 2009, Twitter users mentioned the TV show “Glee” in 580 “tweets” in a matter of minutes. (Imagine how the television industry might want to read those “tweets.”)

Web-savvy businesses are now using Twitter to collect a list of people, or “followers,” who are interested in their products or services. With Twitter, a company has instant access to hundreds or thousands of interested customers. For example, both United and JetBlue Airlines have seen significant growth in their bottom lines due to their successful use of Twitter (compete.com). For national, international, e-commerce, and even small businesses, Twitter can be a tremendous advantage. And since Twitter grew by over one thousand percent over the past twelve months, it will likely continue to grow over the next several years and beyond.

“What’s next for Social Media?”As we see, Social Media has the ability to mobilize large numbers of people for action—whether it is to support a political view, read a certain book, wear a certain trend, or come to an event. We will continue to see businesses use it as a powerful marketing tool, seeking to connect with loyal customers. We will also see famous people using it to communicate with fans, and politicians using it to promote their efforts. Social Media will continue to play an interesting role in relation to more traditional media: sometimes Social Media will spread the news; sometimes it will analyze the news; and sometimes it will make the news. Indeed, with the break-neck speed of news via Social Media, email is now the new “snail-mail.” And it’s not enough anymore to just have a website. Companies will need to think hard about their Social Media strategy and make sure they are engaging their fans online.

As our economy becomes more and more global, Social Media will help us find people like us across the world. Strangers will turn into friends as we talk about common challenges, best practices, and where to eat the best Sushi in Jerusalem (an actual Twitter conversation, October 14, 2009, @paskesz).

With the exponential growth of Social Media in the last three years, we’re guessing it won’t be long before it impacts your life in one way or another—whether you “tweet” or not. [IF]

Leah Helfgott is a Designer and Social Media Specialist at tabeez.com, a modest clothing store with retail outlets in Flatbush and Lakewood.

Twitter: @tabeez / #modestfashion.

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To remove your child with a disability from home and entrust

his or her daily care into the hands of others—however well advised—is understandably an emotionally trying decision.

But thankfully, after a year of intense services and a dedicated and loving residential team of OHEL Bais Ezra professionals, five loving parents of five very special young men have seen the immeasurable benefits of their decision.

On a recent Sunday night, these five young men, ages 13–21, along with family and friends, enjoyed a delicious barbeque and birthday cake to celebrate a very important day. This month their very special home, OHEL Bais Ezra’s Arlington Residence in Cedarhurst, is one year old.

The Arlington Residence is the first OHEL Bais Ezra residence specifically for children living with autism spectrum disorders.

T he festive celebration included

live music and dancing, a video entitled “Life in Arlington,” balloons, and of course delicious home-cooked food, all served and prepared by OHEL Bais Ezra volunteers and staff.

The OHEL Bais Ezra Arlington Residence provides a safe, warm, nurturing, and Shomer Shabbos environment for boys with autism whose special needs require specialized care.

Avigail Fogel Silberman, Arlington’s

Residence Manger, remarked that “the

boys are thriving.” She added that “we have seen a marked improvement in the behavioral and social skills of each boy.” Their families, who visit often and are very engaged, have observed the evolving developments of their child and constantly express their gratitude. And we couldn’t ask for a more devoted and capable team including cooks, residence managers, counselors, social workers, nurses, OT and PT specialists, psychologists, and general day and overnight staff—all working 24/7 every day of the year.

[Bais Ezra’s Arlington Residence Celebrates It’s One Year Anniversary]By: Derek Saker, OHEL Director of Communications

(continued on page 46)

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One parent remarked, “It’s wonderful to see my son’s newfound sense of independence and his improved social skills. Deep friendships are clearly evident between the counselors and the boys.”

The Residence was specifically designed to allow the boys a kind of freedom of movement not always possible in private homes.

Many parents also commented on the energy and enthusiasm of staff and volunteers (many of whom are from local yeshivas) and remarked on the importance of opportunities for the boys to be a part of the community and attend shul, as well as Kulanu, local parks, and shopping centers.

Staffed by a dedicated team of professionals and volunteers, the OHEL Bais Ezra Arlington home features a beautiful kitchen and dining room; customized furniture and beds with rounded corners to prevent injuries; a sensory room with equipment and furniture designed for safety and to provide the appropriate emotional/psychological respite from over-stimulation, which affects most children with autism; handicap accessible bathrooms; safety doors, windows, and gates; and a delightful fish tank in the living room much appreciated by

residents, staff, and visitors alike. Signs and photos on the walls and rooms

help residents with language challenges to identify their own and common spaces. And there are special personal touches, too, such as bed linens chosen by family members in keeping with the boys’ individual tastes.

A barbecue grill in the backyard has been a popular addition this summer. OHEL hopes to raise the necessary funds in the coming year to build a specialized playground and enhance the backyard recreational area to create an outdoor space as appealing, therapeutic, and functional as the indoor space.

Nothing could be more important than a safe and loving home. But, it’s important to engage in the world, too, of course. This summer, Arlington residents, accompanied by residence staff, have enjoyed numerous overnight and day trips to Hershey, Pennsylvania and Sesame Place outside of Philadelphia, among other outings.

While the OHEL Bais Ezra Arlington Residence is a young facility of only one year, the development strides already made by the boys can at times seem miraculous. But its remarkable success is a testimony to devoted and supportive parents, a dedicated and loving professional

staff, and a warm and embracing community—which combined has created a most fertile environment for the boys to thrive. [IF]

For more information about the Arlington Residence and other OHEL Bais Ezra programs and services related to autism spectrum disorders, please visit ohelfamily.org or call 800-603-OHEL.

OHEL Children’s Home and Family Services, which incorporates Bais Ezra and The Lifetime Care Foundation, is a pioneering social services agency that delivers a breadth of innovative programs and services for individuals and families at risk, and individuals with developmental or psychiatric disabilities, in both residential and out-patient settings. Founded in 1969 and with close to 100 residences and apartments, and over 30 diverse programs, OHEL services have been consistently ranked #1 by New York City. Touching the lives of thousands of individuals at every stage, and every day, OHEL’s professional services are available throughout New York, New Jersey, and South Florida. These services include Housing, Foster Care, Out-Patient Counseling, At Home Based Services, School Based Services, Abuse Services, and Camps.

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When you’re young and just starting to make money, the last thing you may want to

think about is retirement. But in reality, there is no better time than a first job to start setting money aside systematically in a retirement plan.

It’s not critically important how much money you save in an IRA, 401(k), or other type of plan. What really matters is that you start a retirement plan savings habit as soon as possible and keep investing in it persistently. In this article, we’ll suggest six reasons why this is one of the smartest financial decisions a young person can make.

Reason #1 – The Power of Tax-Deferred Compounding

If you are 25 years old, you might not think it matters much whether you start saving now or next year. But by the time you reach retirement age, the cost of procrastination can be huge. For example, a 25-year-old person who sets aside $2,000 per year in an IRA and earns a 7 percent return will hypothetically build a nest egg of $427,219 by age 65. But if this person delays starting the program by just one year, it will be worth about $30,000 less.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ current data, today’s average person who reaches retirement age can

expect to live to age 86, and life expectancies keep increasing for each generation. So, by procrastinating now, you possibly risk reducing your standard of living for the last 25–30 years of your life. In a retirement plan, money can compound on a tax-deferred basis without any current income tax consequences. That’s an attractive tax situation for socking money away long-term.

Reason #2 – It Doesn’t Cost a Dollar to Save a Dollar

Do you worry that you can’t afford to save $100 per month in a retirement plan, because you need to spend the money on something else? The truth is, it won’t cost you as much out-of-pocket as you save, because you may qualify to receive a current tax break for money contributed to a Traditional IRA or 401(k). For example, suppose you pay federal and state income tax at a combined rate of 30 percent. If you put $1,000 into a Traditional IRA and qualify for a tax deduction, you will be allowed to reduce your taxable income by the same amount, resulting in $300 less tax paid. You can do this with a 401(k) regardless of how high your income is.

Reason #3 – Matching Is PowerfulSome employers will match a portion of the money their workers defer into their

own plans. For example, suppose that your company will match some of the money you defer into your 401(k) on a 50 percent basis. If you put in $100, your employer matches with another $50. Although it may take several years for employer matching money to “vest” so that it becomes yours, this is like getting a quick 50 percent return on your savings. Also, the account begins to build compound earnings on the whole amount— your $100 plus your employer’s $50. If your company offers matching, this is a powerful reason to start saving now.

Reason #4 – “Government Matching”It’s not just your employer that may match your own plan money. The federal government may “match” a portion of your plan contributions with a tax credit. Depending on your income, the credit can be as high as 50 percent of the first $2,000 you put into a Traditional or Roth IRA, 401(k), 403(b), SIMPLE, or similar type plan. The largest credit (50%) is available to single filers up to $15,000 of Adjusted Gross Income and joint filers up to $30,000. Lesser credits are available to single filers up to $25,000 and joint filers to $50,000.

Suppose that you participate in a plan where your contributions are matched 50 percent by your employer, and you also qualify for a 20 percent “government matching” credit through

[Why Young People Should StartA Retirement Plan Savings Habit Now]

By: Martin Meisels

(continued on page 50)

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2006. That means every dollar of your own money that goes into the plan is matched by an immediate return of 70 cents. Where else can your money work that hard?

Reason #5 – Social Security Is IffyFor any person in the U.S. who is age 40 or less, the outlook for Social Security retirement benefits is not rosy. For starters, you won’t reach Normal Retirement Age and qualify for full benefits until age 67 under current law, and that could go higher. Then, consider the burden millions of aging Baby Boomers will place on the system as they start to retire. According to the Social Security Administration, today there are about 3.4 active workers for every retired Social Security beneficiary. By the middle of this century, Social Security estimates that ratio will drop to about 2 workers per beneficiary. Recently, the Social Security Trustees reported that the outgo for Social Security retirement benefits will start to exceed income in 2017 and the trust fund will be exhausted by 2041 unless major changes are made. If you don’t start planning for your own retirement now, you may be left out in the cold later.

Reason #6 – Habits Are Hard to BreakAt first, it can be tough to live on less current income every month, because you are taking care of your retirement plan first. But after a few months, you won’t even miss the money. Putting money into your retirement plan steadily and regularly is one of the best financial habits any person can start at a young age.

Don’t be afraid to talk to a financial professional about the best way to set up your retirement plan savings program and its investment strategy. You can start your

savings habit without having to make the investment decisions alone. Note: Figures quoted are for illustrative purposes only and are not indicative of a specific result that may be obtained on any particular investment. They do not include consideration of the time value of money, inflation, and fluctuation in principal or in many instances, taxes. [IF]

Martin Meisels is a Registered Representative and Financial Advisor of Park Avenue Securities LLC (PAS), 355 Lexington Avenue, 9th Floor, New York, NY 10017, (212) 541-8800. Securities products/services and advisory services are offered through PAS, a registered broker/dealer and investment advisor. PAS is an indirect, wholly owned subsidiary of Guardian. Wealth Advisory Group is not an affiliate or subsidiary of PAS or Guardian. PAS is a member FINRA, SIPC.

Martin Meisels254 South Main Street, Suite 310New City, NY 10956845.634.7300 ext. 317 martin_meisels@parkavenuesecurities.com

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We are often asked by our customers if there are any benefits to creating a baby

registry in our store and if so, what are they?

Even if you have other children and have much of what you need already, in our opinion there is always a benefit to creating a baby registry. The following are some of the benefits to having a baby registry:

Without a registry, how will your •friends and family know what to buy for you? In many instances gift givers will give you what they think is cute, but not what you find is necessary.

Without a registry, you may have •to make several trips to return unwanted/unneeded items to multiple stores. And depending on those stores’ return and credit

policies, those trips may have to be shortly after giving birth, when the last thing you want to do is run errands around your neighborhood.

Some stores offer additional coupons •to parents who register. Usually these discounts can be used to purchase the remaining items from your registry.

There is a comfort in knowing •that a list of all the items you deem necessary will be available to your friends and family once you give birth.

Many large stores offer the ability •to create registries using their website, so you do not even have to leave your home. Do not worry if your favorite baby website does not allow for online registries. There are several free services available, such

[The Benefits of Creating a Baby Registry]By: Dayna Klinger & Cindy Merrill

as MyRegistry.Com or MyGiftList.Com, which allow you to create online registries combining your favorite products from your favorite websites.

While many brick and mortar baby stores promote registries, some do not offer guidance in what types of products you might need or event want. A registry can be a daunting task, and even more so if you are expecting for the first time. In order to assist you, we have included a basic baby registry (See page 54) that you can cut out and keep for future use. [IF]

Dayna Klinger and Cindy Merrill are co-owners of Dimples, a provider of unique baby gifts and accessories, located at 554 Central Avenue in Cedarhurst. They can be reached at 516-792-3290, or sales@DimplesShop.com, or on the web at DimplesShop.com.

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When it comes to choosing a lightweight stroller, the first thing to figure out is what your

needs are. Is it mostly for mall shopping, or a lot of in and out of your car? How far do you want the stroller to recline and how much are you looking to spend?

The newest, most popular lightweight is the Baby Jogger City Mini. It rides smoothly like a jogger with smaller, lighter wheels, leaving the carriage weighing only 16.8 pounds. Its unique three panel canopy blocks the sun and the wind from your baby. With its almost full recline the City Mini is good from newborn up to 50 pounds. The most amazing feature is Baby Jogger’s true one-hand fold—just lift the strap in the center of the seat and almost like magic, it’s folded in half! It is the easiest fold from any of the strollers. To open it, you just grab the handlebar, give it a little hoist, and the whole thing pops open. The newest version for 2010 that is available now has a basket that is 30 percent larger, giving you more space for your packages. Available accessories are a rain cover, child tray, belly bar, cup holder, car seat adapter, and new in December will be a wheeled board that will work on all Baby Jogger models.

A classic lightweight is the Maclaren. There are three different models to choose from. First would be the Quest. It has a four-position recline, making it suitable from 3 months up to 55 pounds. It has a one-hand fold, a carry strap to carry it from place to place, and an extendable leg rest, and it includes a rain cover. The Quest weighs 12.3 pounds. The second model is the Triumph. It has less of a recline than the quest and does not have the extendable

leg rest, making it suitable for 6 months to 55 pounds. It weighs 11.5 pounds, making it a little lighter. Like the Quest, it has a one-hand fold, and a carry strap, and it includes a rain cover. The

third model is the Volo. It is the lightest of the Maclaren strollers,

weighing only 8.8 pounds. It does not recline at all, but it is suitable

from 6 months up to 55 pounds. It has a breathable mesh seat, making it easy to clean. Like the other Maclarens, it also has a one-hand fold, and a carry strap, and it includes a rain cover. Maclarens are known for their excellent quality, reliability, and ease of maneuverability. It is a true umbrella stroller built to be extremely durable.

A more substantial stroller that still falls under the lightweight category is the Bugaboo Bee. It weighs 17 pounds and has many amazing features that are not available in most lightweight strollers.

It has a four position recline, making it suitable from newborn to 37.5 pounds. It has a telescoping handle bar making it great for tall and short parents. It has a reversible seat allowing the baby to face mom or face out to the world. It is compact and still has the amazingly smooth Bugaboo ride. It comes complete with a rain cover, an instructional DVD, and a 2-year warrantee. Available accessories are a cup holder, wheeled board, car seat adapter, foot muff, baby cocoon, parasol, and travel bag.

A very affordable choice would be the Inglesina Swift. The new 2010 models are available. It has a three-quarter recline, making it suitable from 3 months and up, and weighs 13.5 pounds. It has an umbrella fold (foot operated) and is easy to use. It is comparable to the Maclaren Quest, but a little heavier.

Something to keep in mind is that many companies have come out with what they call a lightweight stroller. Just because a stroller is light does not mean that it is a good choice. All too often a light stroller will not push well with a substantial amount of weight in it. Be sure to do your homework if you come across something that seems really light—it may not be very durable. Good luck and happy shopping! [IF]

Miriam Eichenstein is the co-founder of Oh Baby! located at 3412 Avenue N in Brooklyn. She can be reached at 718-998-7373 or on the web at OhBabyGifts.com. If you have any questions or baby products you would like reviewed, please email miriam@ohbabygifts.com.

[How to Pick a Lightweight Stroller] By: Miriam Eichenstein ]

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In this economy, almost every bride is concerned with the wedding budget. These days, weddings are costing a

fortune. Below you will find several ideas on how to plan a beautiful wedding without breaking the bank.

1The Location: Many venues get booked up to a year or more in advance at top

dollar. But you can still have your wedding at your favorite site booked even two months in advance by having your wedding during the week. Even many of the top rated venues have availabilities if you book on a Monday or Tuesday. Many venues also offer last minute specials if you book within three months of the wedding. Sometimes they don’t tell you this so you definitely need to ask.

2The Flowers: Beautiful blooms are always fabulous, but be careful not

to choose flowers that are out of season. Instead of going overboard, think understated elegance with in-season smaller centerpieces and surrounding votive candles. Use lots of greenery, which

is chic and also less costly. For bridal and bridesmaids bouquets, less is definitely more. Don’t hide your gorgeous wedding gown with an oversized garden. Instead, opt for delicate arrangements of 3–5 in-season flowers surrounded by greenery and a thin pretty bow.

3Invitations: Invitations are certainly important because it is the introduction

and expectation of what’s to come. Every bride wants beautiful invitations, but they certainly don’t come cheap. To find beautiful invitations, try searching for online companies that offer samples. Email a bunch of companies and ask them to send you samples of their paper type and designs. This can save you up to 50 percent or more just by using on online company.

4Entertainment: Do you really feel that you need the most sought after group

in town? Even though DJs are not as fancy, they cost a fraction of what a band would cost. Good music is very important, but once your guests get on that dance floor, they’ll have a good time no matter what’s

coming out of the speakers. If you absolutely must have a band, look for bands with three or four musicians that can play different instruments. Larger orchestras are not at all necessary.

5Transportation: Renting a stretch white limousine can be very expensive. This is

one cost that is certainly easy to control. If you are not able to negotiate a reasonable rate for a limo, than skip it all together. You can decorate your own car or a friend’s car for a fun ride.

6 Wedding Cakes: Fancy wedding cakes with pearls or a replica of your dress

pattern will hike up the cost. Cakes are very labor intensive, so try to find a style that is simple and elegant.

7Wedding Gowns: Buying a wedding dress can get expensive, especially if

visiting exclusive high-end bridal salons where dresses need to be built up. Luckily, brides do have options. There are bridal salons that focus strictly on modest wedding dresses. Buying a wedding dress that is already designed modestly from the start can save the brides a lot of time, money, and patience. In addition, some modest bridal salons rent their gowns. For example, at Couture De Bride by Tova Marc, we offer rental packages starting from gowns that were once worn to gowns that are completely custom made based on the customer’s special request. There are gowns for every budget. We even have many brides that find their dream gown in a magazine and we design it for them with sleeves and a higher neckline. They then have the option to buy or rent their dream gown.

Hopefully these tips will be helpful in planning your wedding on a budget while still being fabulous. Remember that most guests don’t notice the little details. They are coming to celebrate your simcha with you and your family and will have a great time no matter what flowers you choose. [IF]

Tova Marc is the owner an lead designer of Couture De Bride by Tova Marc, which carries a large selection of Fashion-Forward Modest Bridal & Evening Gowns. She can be contacted at 201-357-4877, by email at contact@couturedebride.com, or on the web at TovaMarc.com.

[Planning a Wedding on a Budget]By: Tova Marc

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When you need that bit of extra space and have maxed out all the other rooms in your house

and have even considered the high costs of making an addition, then it is time to look inwards. If you’re lucky to have a basement in your home, it is usually dark and dreary. Though it likely contains the plumbing, gas, and electrical units that are necessary for a home’s functioning, old boxes of holiday decorations, clothing to be given away, and large bulk items that don’t have a designated storage spot in the kitchen probably reside down there as well.

In most cases, a basement is the same square footage as the first floor, so rethinking this space as an essential part of the home can add a significant increase to the current living area, or as real estate brokers like to point out, an increase to your current occupied square footage.

New construction homes are now including finished basements as part of the architecture, and careful planning is done to make sure these spaces are given special attention. The plans for these homes include increased ceiling height, above ground windows, plumbing and electrical plans that avoid visible pipes, and HVAC units that are unseen and unheard.

Planning for a basement remodel or a major conversion requires a lot of planning and forethought. A new basement is ideal for a recreational room for the kids, a sports room for dad, a craft room for mom, a media room for the family, or even an extra guest room. Including a full bathroom in the plan will make the basement a more enjoyable space and will also add value to your home profitability.

Since basements are generally below ground, they are prone to moisture and water issues. Now just because you never had a water problem before doesn’t mean that you won’t in the future, so using the proper building and finishing materials can make the cleanup easier and not as devastating.

To get started, make a careful assessment of the basement. Take measurements and create your renovation plan, indicating all

[Renovating Your Basement]By: Diana Braun

existing mechanical units, all non-moveable obstacles, and of course what your additions will be to the finished basement. Use your floor plan as a “road map” and check the walls and floors for any cracks, signs of water issues, and any other damages that may be noticeable. Any and all corrections to the structure of the basement are to be made before any of the framing is to begin.

If there are existing water issues, waterproofing the basement is the first step in the renovation process. Careful examination of the basement will generally lead you to the source of the water. Stopping leaks and seepage generally requires patching the holes and or cracks in the foundation walls and then applying an epoxy or latex waterproofing mix to the concrete or masonry surfaces. If there aren’t any existing water issues, it is recommended to check for moisture in the basement, humidity levels, and all existing plumbing that run thought the basement for any leaks.

If a bathroom is going to be part of your renovation, the plumbing would be laid out next. Knowing where you want your bathroom is important, but you must also be somewhat flexible in your layout to accommodate the waste and water lines. In most cases, installing a bathroom in the basement presents the problem of being too low below the ground to have the waste go out to the sewers, as waste systems are gravity based. New plumbing in the basement would require breaking up the concrete, running new sewer and vent lines, and installing a sewer ejector system or an “up flush” toilet—a specialized toilet that involves plumbing and macerating of bulk waste. Adding a shower or tub/shower combination and a vanity or pedestal sink are just a matter of how big you want this bathroom to be. Generally a 5’ x 8’ bathroom, which would fit a toilet, a neo-angle shower, and a vanity, is more than adequate for a basement. Framing methods are generally the same as for other rooms. However, most drywall and fiberglass insulation must be removed and discarded if they become wet from flooding. Cement board and polystyrene insulation are a more expensive alternative but are less risky when it comes to water, since they are nearly unsusceptible to water damage. So research your options beforehand. The water resistant materials may cost you a little more upfront, but will save you down the road should the unthinkable occur.

Take a good look around your basement and check the heights of any plumbing or bulk head items that you see. Some of these items can be relocated into the ceiling and other items that are structural to the house should be framed out and sheet-rocked. Planning for these obstacles in the design stage will make for a more open and cohesive floor plan.

Pay special attention to ventilation, air flow, and HVAC and electrical systems. Dampness and cold can enter a basement floor from the ground beneath it. Building codes require an occupied basement in a new house to have a moisture barrier, such as polyethylene, beneath the slab. If you have an older house with no moisture barrier below the floor, consider placing polyethylene over the existing floor before installing the finished flooring. Polyethylene flooring systems are especially designed for use over concrete floors and can alleviate moisture problems associated with placing wood sub-flooring in direct contact with concrete slabs. Dehumidifiers are also used to remove moisture from indoor air. Excessive humidity and insufficient air movement contribute to two common problems in basements: mold growth and stale air. Dehumidifiers can also help keep a damp basement dry. Electric baseboards supply heat, but provide no circulation. If your house has a forced-air heating system, the furnace can provide heat and air circulation to the basement. The best option is to provide your basement with a heating and ventilation system that is an extension of or equal to the same one that is operating in the rest of the house. Doing this should improve air quality and comfort during the different season.

Smoke alarms are required on all floors of a residence. Most smoke alarms are wired directly to the electrical panel in newly constructed houses or in homes that have been recently updated. However, a battery-powered alarm in existing construction is perfectly acceptable and should not be overlooked. It is also prudent to install a carbon monoxide (CO) detector near a fuel-fired appliance, such as a fireplace or furnace—a great location would be next to the boiler room.

Electrical outlets should be placed at intervals around all finished rooms. They are usually located no more than 12 feet apart and about 4 inches above the floor.

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Knowing the layout of you room is helpful, as you can guide the electrician as to where furniture will be places and where TV and other audio-video equipment will be placed. Knowing what you will be putting into the room ahead of time, especially when it pertains to audio-video equipment, is very important. If the basement is to include a media room, all of the equipment will need a storage facility. Audio-video equipment generates a lot of heat, so depending on the manufacturer’s specifications, a cooling unit, such as a separate a/c unit, may be required in the closet containing the equipment.

Windows serve three purposes: ventilation, natural light, and emergency escape. When adding a window or changing the windows, keep these three window purposes in mind. Size and opening function should be considered when planning and purchasing. It is important to remember that since the finished basement is being used as part of the home and will be occupied, it must have a safe means of egress, or exit path, to the outside. Almost every basement will have the

previously installed furnace and hot water

heater. These units are either powered by electricity, oil, natural gas, or in some areas propane gas. When making a boiler room by framing out a dedicated area for these units, it is crucial to have an unrestricted supply of air. Installing a louver door will allow the appliance to have adequate air flow.

Finished flooring in the basement offers several options. Even the best-designed basement may experience a serious leak, spill, or flood. It is prudent to install water-resistant or impermeable floor and wall finishes. Some of these choices include vinyl flooring, which comes in a variety of sheet and tile goods. These products make water damage an easy cleanup as many of them are vinyl backed and are loose laid. Therefore, the material can be easily picked up, the water cleaned up, and the flooring simply laid back down. These products have also come along way from your grandmother’s linoleum. Current patterns and styles will even duplicate wood and stone look patterns. Ceramic or porcelain tiles are always popular in the basement, but should a serious leak or flood occur, the floor will likely be damaged. Carpeting can be used,

but is not recommended. Instead if you want the warmth of a carpet, we suggest using area rugs, which can be removed and cleaned or disposed of in the event of a flood.

Choosing a warm color palette that tends to continue from the other floors in your home will make the basement seem like just one more level of continued living space, rather than a dark and dreary dungeon. Decorate your new room(s) with the same style and flair that you used in other rooms in your house, but always caution yourself with product and material choices that won’t cause you emotional or financial heartache should moisture or mold issues arise.

Most basement alterations can be completed in a matter of weeks, and although the planning stages may be more tedious than other renovation projects, the outcome will be a truly warm and cozy extension of your home. [IF]

Diana Braun is the owner and lead designer of Cosmopolitan Kitchen & Bath located at 291 Burnside Avenue in Lawrence, NY. She can be reached at 516-569-8453.

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My daughter is a product of the ultra orthodox “yeshiva” system and after many years of high school and seminary education she decided she wanted a learning boy. What does this entail on our behalf ? I come from a very secular background, and everybody in my family went to college to pursue a degree to become prepared for earning a living; how will my daughter and her future family be able to make it financially? Does the burden fall on us? A friend told me it is entirely the responsibility of the girl’s family to support the young couple financially. Is this true?? –Chana L. Flatbush

It is a beautiful thing when young girls under the age of 20 decide to take upon themselves the admirable course of

marrying a boy that wants to learn for a few years after marriage. This seems to be a growing trend in klal yisroel, and apparently the school system is successful in instilling true Torah values in our daughters. With this in mind, one also must have a realistic plan of how the young couple will live after they get married. As I have written in

previous articles, nowadays kollel couples are no longer prepared to live on the simple bare essentials as was expected of a kollel couple in the past. Many people tell me that their son/daughter desires the finer things in life, such as luxury cars and bi-annual vacations. Although the hypocrisy of this is astounding, it is still hard for a typical “balabatishe” girl/boy to adapt to living in humble quarters and skimping on vital essentials such as the latest Burberry coat. If your child decides to take the kollel course and you simply cannot afford this luxury, sit down and explain what kollel life really entails. No binge shopping sprees or fancy restaurants in the city, no unlimited access to your parents’ plastic card, but a true dedication to this lifestyle.

As far as the expected level of the parents’ responsibility, every social group is different and the range is great. There are some boys whose parents will demand full support with them being “mishtatef ” without a monthly commitment. If this applies to your case, you probably should be on the

alert. Mishtatef is a very loose term and without citing and committing to specific stipulations, it can become a point of strife and machlokes, often after it is too late.

In many circles, parents will split the cost of support establishing different arrangements to fit their financial capabilities. Sit down with your potential mechutan and without making radical demands, devise a working plan together to make your children’s dreams come true. Every parent wants their child to be happy and nobody wants to see them go hungry. The guiding principle to keep in mind is that it has to work for both sides and that there needs to be a good balance between being idealistic and realistic without becoming too materialistic. [IF]

Yisrael Friedman is a full time shadchan for Gateways Connections. For questions to be published in future articles, please email yfriedman@gatewaysonline.com. For all shidduchim inquiries, email connections@gatewaysonline.com.

[Ask The Shadchan]By: Yisrael Friedman

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