KATINKAMusic by Rudolf FrimlBook and Lyrics by Otto Harbach

This NYPL electronic edition wastranscribed from unpublished typescriptwith the permission of William O.Harbach.

CAST OF CHARACTERSVARENKA,Katinka'smaid............................Nina NapierPETROV, an old servant toBoris....................Albert SackettBORIS STROGOFF, Russianambassador to Austria......Count LorrieGrimaldiKATINKA - hisbride................................May NaudainTATIANA, Katinka'smother..........................Norma MendozaIVAN DIMITRI, (Katinka'ssweetheart)...............Samuel Ash anattache to the Russian ambassadorTHADDEUS HOPPER, a wealthyAmerican................Franklin ArdellRUSSIANDANCERS....................................EdmundMakalif, May ThompsonHALIL, a Circassian slave-trader..................A. RobinsKNOPF, manager Cafe-Turkeis-in-Vienna..............W.J. McCarthyABDUL, a haremassistant...........................Daniel BakerARIF REY,A warden of Izzet Pasha'sharem............Ed. DurandOLGA (NASHAN), first wife toBoris.................Edith DeckerMrs. HELEN HOPPER, ThaddeusHopper's wife..........Adele Rowland

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A SPY..............................................HarryCintonM. PIERRE, porter at Hotel Riche,Constantinople...Gustav SchultzDANCER.............................................HelenKronerGuests, travelers, visitors, Austrian andRussian officers, Vienna dancers,American and Turkish girls, bridesmaids,flower-girls, slave-girls, barmaids,serving-maids, flunkies, waiters, etc. etc.

KATINKA MUSICAL NUMBERS

ACT I1. OpeningChorus...............................Varenka andChorus2. Vienna Girls.................................Ivanand Chorus3. THEBRIDE....................................Boris,Katinka, Tatiana and Chorus.4. ONE WHO WILLUNDERSTAND......................Katinkaand Chorus5.KATINKA......................................MaleQuartette6. IN AHURRY...................................ThaddeusHopper and Chorus7. 'TIS THEEND.................................Ivan andKatinka8. RUSSIANDANCE................................MayThompson and Edmund Makalif9.FINALE.......................................Ensemble.

ACT II10. OPENINGCHORUS.............................Olga andChorus

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11. CHARMS ARE FAIREST WHENTHEY'RE HIDDEN.....Olga and Chorus12. YOURPHOTO.................................Mrs. Hopperand Boys13. ALLAH'SHOLIDAY............................Olga andChorus14. THE WEEKLYWEDDING.........................Mr. & Mrs.Hopper15. I WANT ALL THE WORLD TOKNOW...............Ivan16. CIRCASSIANDANCE...........................17. RACKETYCOO!...............................Katinka andChorus18.FINALE.....................................Ensemble.

ACT III19. OPENING CHORUS: VIENNAGIRLS.20. MYPARADISE................................Ivan21. BALLETDIVERTISSEMENT......................MayThompson22.MIGNONETTE.................................Kronerand Makalif.23. I WANT TO MARRY A MALEQUARTETTE...........Mrs. Hopper andBoys24.SKIDIKISCATCH..............................Hopper,Katinka, Ivan, Knopf, Arif and Olga.25. I CAN TELL BY THE WAY YOUDANCE DEAR.......Mrs. Hopper andGirls26.FINALE.....................................ENSEMBLE.

PROPERTY DEPARTMENT

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ACT I (House)2 baskets of wine6 bottles to basketWedding cake on Gold TrayGarlandsWhite riding whipWhite silk pillowGold TrayClothGold knifeGold salt boxBlack bread8 Long Handled flower basketsArtificial flowers with stemsArtificial flowers to throw awayFlower boxes around top of balconyFlower boxes around base of houseStone bench C.Stone bench eash side of gate C.(Room of House K.)CarpetLadies Dressing TableChairSettesCurtains all windowsDrapery for dressing table(Arch R.)Arbor table R.Cloth7 plates, knives and forks2 dishes of fruitNapkinsSilver tray with fives glasses of wine(Off R.U.E.)8 staffs with shower bouquets8 bouquets of flowersOrgan and stoolChimes and mallet R.1.E.Russian Drosky R.U.E.2 White PigeonsNapkin (Hopper)Passport (Hopper)Ground ClothRosin Beards

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PROPERTY DEPARTMENT

ACT IIKnocker on door LWell CRopeBucket2 Green Tables4 ChairsStone benchRug in Harem window L.Flower boxes, balcony House RLadies Traveling BagSmall Suit CaseTraveling Rug and strapPackage (Petrov)Bazaar canopy (Turkish Store R.U.E)Turkish instrumentsRugs and Turkish hanging pieces4 Brass UrnsGround clothNote for hell boy2 Old Turkish GunsIncense PotChair in Turkish storeTurkish FanBrass ArmletsParrot (Halil)Turkish Coins (Hopper)Check book (Hopper)Order book (Porter)Old Painting StoreInlaid mahogany shelf (Store)2 Scimitars (Harem L.)Turkish Market Basket (C.L.)Brass water pitcher (C.L.)Turkish instruments (Halil)Necklace and Locket (Mrs. Hopper)Portrait, Ivory (Katinka).

PROPERTY DEPARTMENT

ACT III2 large papier mache Urns

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2 Pedestals12 Gold chairs4 Gold TablesGreen tables and Chairs from Act II4 Champagne BucketsFour Flower Baskets with FlowersTwo Silver Trays12 Champagne glassesMatch and Ash Trays on each tableCigarettes2 Baskets of Ferns (Arches)Long Curtains (Arch R. and L.)Small Curtains (Small Arches)Baton (Mrs. Hopper)Whistle (Hopper)Ground ClothCarpet on Stairs and platform.

ELECTRICAL DEPARTMENT

ACT IFoots all white1-2-3-4 Borders white and blue3-4 Borders have AmberCompanies BordersBridge Lamps R.L. WhiteWhite Bunch R.2.E.Amber Bunch Arch R.2 White Bunches R.U.E.1 White R.U.U.2 White strips back of dropWhite Bunch, in Room house L.Strips over windows down stairs ofHouse L.Side Lamps in Room on WallStrips over door. Up stairs of house L.White Bunch L.U.E.2 White Bunches above wall2 floods (White) front2 White Spots frontLense Lamp with Amber from doorhouse L.

OPENING OF ACTEverything White but Arch R. Amber is

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used here. Bunch and strips are on inHouse R. until after Church Song. Thenoff. 1st Change.KATINKA Cue -"There they are now"(Two pigeons appear on gate C.)Start everything to AMBER. White Footsand Borders 2/3 down.Right and Left to C. of Stage. AMBERfloods - AMBER bunches.White spot on Ivan and Katinka. AMBERREMAINS ON BRIDGES ALLOTHER LAMPS CONTINUE ON INTOBLUE. WHITE foots 2/3 down FINALE.When Katinka appears on Balcony L.AMBER spot (Head) fromBridge R.Cue - Last note of Harp Solo -lights on inroom of house L.Cue - When 3 girls exit - Lights OFF.Second Curtain lights on in room ofHouse L.CueWhite Spot on Katinka Carriage C.

ELECTRICAL DEPARTMENT

ACT IIOpening foots 2/3 downBridges R.L. BlueCompanies border BlueAll but Fourth Border BlueAmber in Fourth Border UP FULL.2 Amber Bunches R. and L. Behind WallBlue floods frontSmall Blue SPOT (head) from Bridge R.to harem window L.Magenta in harem window and UpperHalf of lower doorBlue lense Lamp from harem door belowMagenta ColorAmber Strips in Hotel over doors andwindowsMagenta in Turkish Store R.U.E.Cue -The Woman in Harem starts to sing -

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Start everything up slowlyto WHITE. Be up by finish of song.ChangeMr. Hopper and Helen in "WeeklyWedding" Number. Second Encoreeverything OUT. Lobster-scope FRONTBLUE.Second changeCue -- Dancing Girls enter and sit insemi-circle.Foots 2/3 down Blue Borders - BlueBridge lights - Blue SpotsBlue Floods- Magenta and Blue in haremMagenta in Turkish storeTwo bunches off R. above wall (blue)

ACT IIIOpening3 Large Chandeliers onFour Bracket Bunches onElectric Piece L. arch onFoots 2; 3 downAmber spot on singerWhen Dancer enters WHITE or StrawSpotAFTER DANCE -- ALL incandescentsWHITEStraw Bunches L.Lake Blue Arches C.Lake Blue Arch R.LAKE BLUE R.U.E.ChangeEncore Mrs. Hopper's Number "DanceWith Him"CueWhen Knopf spins off Arch R. CRASHin OrchestraEverythign out but TWO Blue Bridgespots FOLLOW DANCERS ATFINISH OF DANCEPINK spot on C. Arch for Katinka. Keepthis on for "Rackety!Coo." Also for Tenor's SOLO. The TWOBLUE BRIDGE spots alsoremaining on.

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After Number - Everything up full.

SYNOPSIS OF SCENES

ACT IVilla of Boris Strogoff at Yalta, Russia, onthe Black Sea. Late afternoon andevening of a summer day.TIME: Just before the WAR Intermission- Ten Minutes.

ACT IIA street in Old Stamboul, Turkey (orStreet in Old Anzali Peraia)Intermission - Ten Minutes.

ACT IIIHerr Knopf's Cafe, Turkoise -- In Vienna,Austria (or Cafe Parisienne, Paris)Three Weeks Later.

MUSICAL NUMBERSOrchestra Conducted by John McGhie

ACT IOpening Chorus..................-Varenka andChorus"In Vienna"............................-Ivan andChorus"Russian WeddingMarch"...............-Boris, Katinka, Tatiana& Chorus"One Who WillUnderstand"...........-Katinka and Chorus"Katinka".............................-Ivan andMale Chorus"In a Hurry".........................Hopper andChorus"Racketty Coo".......................Katinkaand Ivan"Russian Dance"......................-RussianDancers

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Finale................................Company.

ACT II"Allah Holliday"......................Olga andChorus"Your Photo"..........................Mrs.Hopper and Boys."The Weekly Wedding"..................Mrs.Hopper & ThaddeusCarcassian Dance......................Dancers"The Walking Music Store".............-HalilFinale................................Company.

ACT III"My Paradise".............................-Katinka"I Can Tell By The Way They DanceDear"...-Mrs. Hopper"I Want All the World toKnow".............Ivan"Skidaskiscrach"...........................Hopperand Knopf"I want to Marry a MaleQuartette".........Mrs. Hopper and BoysFinale.......................................CompanyGuests Travelers American GirlsBridesmaids Visitors Turkish GirlsFlower Girls Barmaids Serving maids-Slave Girls- Vienna DancersGuests American Men Waiters FlunkieAustrian Officers Servants RussianOfficersScenery Act I and II built by TheodoreReisigScenery Act III built by Hanna & LennonScenery painted by Sundquist Propertiesby GebhardtCostumes by Paul Arlington Co. Inc.Mens clothes by Brooks Uniform Co.Shoes by SinatraArtificial flowers by Armstrong &Mackie.

KATINKA ACT IOpening Song inside Church -- "Give

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them your Tokens" Church right, abovewall. PETROV R.C. VARENKA L.C.Give them your tokens, tender and trueLet no man dare to sever(The above is taken by BORIS - IVAN -TATIANA - BRIDESMAIDS - MEDIUMSwith ORGAN SERVANTS & GUESTS)So they are man and wife Married forlife!Boris is swelling with prideTearful and trembling thereCharming Katrina fairTries all her blushes to hide!For she's now the bride!Spread then the festive boardFor her new Lord!--Ring forth the rosy red wine,Bring in the wedding cakeAnd for Katrina's sakeGarlands of flowers we'll twineFor Cupid's shrine!(Looking off R.)Now to the Church doors outward swingWhile pretty bridesmaids singAnd like notes form an angels choirHigh in the gilded spireWedding bells gaily ring.Varenka(R.C.)The ceremony is almost over.(Goes to table R. - Xes to L.1.E.)They're married.OthersRing! Ring!Ring out your tidingsDear old bells!Ring! Ring!Ring for your chidingsTrue love spells!Fling! Fling!Fling out your goldenNotes so clearCling! Cling! Cling to our

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golden motto dearFor to honor, love and obeyIs far better than wasting away!Swing! Swing!Swing out your layWedding bellsWedding bells.Medium(Up to the girls)Look, the people are pouring out of thechurch. See there are the bridesmaids.Varenka(To Maids)Is everything ready?GirlsYes.VarenkaBoris is not one to forgive mistakesanywhere, much less at his own wedding,eh, Petrov?Petrov(L.C.)Don't I remember poor Olga. She wasyoung and pretty, too. Just like a littleKatinka is now. Little Katinka, I hopeshe'll be happier than the first MadamStrogoff.VarenkaShame on you, to be talking like an oldraven.PetrovSay what you will, the old Russianproverb is right.ChorusProverb?PetrovWhen December marries May, the lovebirds fly away.VarenkaHow can you look in the face of Katinka

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and say she's not happy!PetrovWill she be able to look in the face ofIvan and say she is happy?VarenkaIvan! Why she's forgotten him.PetrovForgotten him?VarenkaWell, from what we hear of Ivan's life inVienna, he'll be the last to care.Girl(On the wall L. of gate)Look, look, it is Ivan Dimitri.Varenka(R)Ivan coming to the wedding? Theinsolence!(Down R.C.)(Enter IVAN gate C. from R.)Were you at the church?GirlA charming bride.Ivan(Down)You are right. Boris Strogoff has pickedthe sweetest flower in Yalta. I wish himjoy.VarenkaIt doesn't seem as though his heart isbreaking.PetrovThe open laugh oft drowns the secret sob.I admire his pluck.VarenkaI admire his nerve. He should have stayedaway.(Petrov exits L.1.E.)

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IvanHello, Varenka! Scowling, and on a nightwhen everyone should smile.VarenkaYou seem to find it easy.IvanAnd why not? They tell me Katimkamakes a most happy bride so let theworld be gay.VarenkaGaiety seems to be the principal thingyou brought home with you from Paris.(Xes L.)IvanDo you think so?(Exit Varenka L.1.E.)

Girl(Coming Down)Are the Vienna ladies then, so muchdearer than we?IvanWell not eactly dearer; rather, I may say,nearer.(Places arm around girl)

2nd Girl(R)Nearer!IvanI mean they know just how to keep coolwithout being chilly.Girl(R)Just what do you mean by that?Girl(L)I wish you'd explain yourself.IvanVery well.

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(Number)

"VIENNA GIRLS"If one is looking for the right girl,One who knows the artOf soothing head and heartFor she must be both day and night girlWith pretty witty waysThat brighten days;And that lightIn her eyes when it's nightThat's the kindYou'll be surest to find.RefrainIn ViennaIn ViennaGirls are the brightestTheir hearts are lightestTheir eyes are ever fairWhen they smile their lips uncover pearlsthe whitestAnd their laughter rings like musiceverywhere.In ViennaIn ViennaGirls are sprightlyThey caper nightlyIn sweet seductive swirls(Enter ponies)And they love it when you dare to holdthemSlightlyTightlyFor they are Vienna girls.IIIf one is looking for a shy girlWho loves to stay at homeAll drowsy and aloneA little never-tell-a-lie-girlA girl who thinks it's guileTo learn to smileWho would swoonIf you asked her to spoonShe's the kind

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That you won't ever find(R.2.E)(Enter Varenka, from house L., crosses togate C. then Xes R.C.)Varenka(Five girls extra bridesmaids)The Wedding Party approaches.(Music. VARENKA goes down R., servingmaids dance around-- One serving MAIDenters house, comes forth with gold tray,and cover - with black bread, gold knife,gold salt cellar- takes it down R. --FOURLITTLE GIRLS hold it in air, while thegirl who brought it dances between them.Four little girls take tray up to gate C.and lead wedding march)(Enter gate C from R. KATINKA, BORISfollowed by TATIANA, BRIDESMAIDS,BOYS and GIRLS)

The BrideWelcome the bride with songAnd anthems of golden cheerWith anthem ringing clearDispelling doubt and fearAnd may their happieness be longAnd may the bonds be strongSealed with a love most dear!And welcome the lucky man,Who stands by her tender side,His smiles be e'er upon herTender and true - tender and true!Duty, love and honor be his guideLove be his guideFor she's his bride(BORIS breaks small bit of bread, salts it,presents it to Katinka. She touches it toher lips)So once again with song and anthemWe greet the bride and the lucky manWho walks by her sideMay the bloom of their love abide!May love abide!

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(SERVING MAID enters from house L.with small white whip on pillow - goesdown to L. of Katinka - Katinka takeswhip in right hand and kneels beforeBoris C.)KatinkaMy gracious master, according to thecustom of my forefathers I give into yourhands the symbol of your power andtoken of my obedience to your slightestwish.(Boris accepts whip)

BorisThe obedience you do offer, thus(Touches her on shoulder with whip)do I deign to accept.Katinka(Rises L.C.)What would you have me do?Boris(To all)What favor shall I ask?GirlsA kiss.GirlA dance.ChorusA song.BorisKatinka, sing.(Touches her on shoulder with whip)

(Ivan enters from R.1.E. KATINKA song -down stage)

"ONE WHO WILL UNDERSTAND"I will breathe all the joys of my heartIn a song, just a simple songWould its notes could but impartThoughts that here, within me throng

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I will teach its refrain to the breezeWhere 'twill live, or 'twill dieOr maybe someone, somewhere, pleaseAnd rob a soul of a sigh.ChorusIn the heart of a songI have hidden my heart and its burningTo its measures belongsAll my soul's eager yearningIts refrain may yet reignOver sea and landThousands yet may hear itMany who will cheer itOne who will understand(Looks at Ivan)

(Katinka retires to mother and places herhead on Mother's breast. Down stageagain for encore)(At finish of song Boris takes Katinka'shand and leads her around stage)(Katinka exits, house L. - the above isdone to the following)So once again with song and anthemWe greet the bride and the lucky manWho walks by her sideMay the bloom of their love abideMay love abide.(Exit KATINKA and BRIDESMAIDS intohouse. Ivan crosses R. to Petrov. Girlschatter and cross L. to Tatiana)GirlWasn't she beautiful?TatianaMy daughter, isn't she beautiful?GirlWell, for my part, I don't like theceremony of the whip.GirlNeither do I.TatianaWell you see, it is an old custom that used

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to symbolize the true meaning ofmarriage. Now, in our time Boris!BorisIn our time, you mean in your time,mama.(R.C.)

TatianaMama? I like that.BorisWell, as they say in Russia, you have losta daughter, but you have gained a son.Ivan(R.)Fair exchange is sometimes robbery.BorisWhat is it?IvanI said fair exchange is no robbery.BorisAnd now, the beautiful mama, what wereyou saying?TatianaI said in my time we took a man to be ourlord and master; a husband took that forgranted.GirlThey take it for granted yet.IvanYou're right, the things we take forgranted are the things we soonest lose.BorisAnd you Ivan, I did not see you at thechurch, and as a punishment you musttoast my bride.IvanWhy certainly, with pleasure.BorisVarenka, some wine.(Enter VARENKA from an arch R. with

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tray of wine)

"KATINKA"BorisIn this ruby cup of wine, Katinka.ChorusWhere the bubbles shine, Katinka.BorisThey have caught the pretty the prettygrace of your smile.IvanCaptive for awhileAnd the sparkle of your eyes, KatinkaWeaned from April skies, KatinkaBorisIn the goblet's crystal depths brightlygleams,IvanLike a star seen in dreamsAnd although her pretty charmsMay never be mine.ChorusPretty charms may ne'er be mine.IvanStill I hold them in my arms,In this chalice divine.ChorusIn this chalice, divine.(KATINKA appears on balcony)Sweet Katinka, sweet Katinka,You are like a rose, Katinka,Just as fair dear, just as rare dear,And I love you, heaven knowsEven angels seem to worship you,For they sent you the charms from theblueOh, the joy dear, 'twere divineIf you were only mine.(Exit Tatiana L.)(Exit Chorus)

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(Katinka exits from balcony. Boriscrosses laughing with Girl and exits archR.)PetrovBoris Strogoff seems a happy man.IvanNo one should know better than I howhappy he should be, but as they say inAmerica, "Laugh, and the world laughswith you"--PetrovSnore and they won't let you sleep.(CHORUS outside, laugh)IvanAre you sure that is the exact quotation?PetrovCertainly, I had it from an Americanhimself.Chorus(Ponies)(Enter laughing)An American?PetrovYes, the gentleman we met in Vienna. Hisname is Hopper.ChorusHopper?IvanYes, Thaddeus T. Hopper, most genial,and so wholesome.PetrovAnd so fresh.ChorusFresh?IvanAs an ocean breeze. By the way, Petrov,you have an eye open for him.

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VarenkaHe's coming to the wedding?IvanYes.GirlThink of it, an American.GirlThat means he's rich.IvanVery.GirlI must polish up my vocabulary.IvanYou needn't, he'll do all the talking. Buthe's charming, and his wife ---GirlHe's married then?IvanYes. Oh, don't let that worry you, theseAmericans have very large hearts. Petrov,look out for him.PetrovI will.(Exits R.3.E. arch)

VarenkaWhere did you meet him?IvanI meet him at the Cafe in Vienna.(Exit Varenka)(Music. Enter HOPPER gate C. from R.down to Ivan L.)Ah, Hopper! I'm glad you've come.

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HopperJust a minute, look at all the pretty girls -give me room.(Looks around)Say, where did I get the idea that Russiawas only famous for its caviar. Well,introduce me.IvanI beg your pardon.(Crosses C.)Ladies and gentlemen, allow me tointroduce my dear friend from America,Mr. Thaddeus T. Hopper.HopperB'n swan--whatever that means.Little GirlsCharmed.GirlCharmed.Hopper(Turns to girls behind him)Charmed over here, too. Well is the bigshow over?AllShow?HopperI mean am I too late for the ceremony?GirlYou've just missed something mostinteresting.HopperYes, what was it?GirlThe ceremony of the whip.HopperThe whip?GirlYes.Hopper

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Why they don't use the whip in ourcountry until two years after the wedding.GirlsTwo years afterwards?HopperOr at least just before the divorce.GirlWell, for my part Mr. Hopper, I'll neversay love, honor and obey to any man.HopperThat's quite possible. Say listen, girls.Opportunities come when least expected.GirlI am afraid you are somewhat of a joker,Mr. Hopper.HopperJoker?GirlYes.HopperWell, I wouldn't mind being a jokerrunning wild in a deck like this, ifsomeone would only keep shuffling thecards.IvanHa, ha, ha!(Exits R.1.E)

HopperWho said that? But what's the use ofshuffling, when every card's a queen.That means you --(Crosses R.)That means you alone.GirlsMr. Hopper, are you really married?

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Hopper(Looking around)Well, I'm on my vacation.(Business)

GirlI'm afraid Ivan told the truth about you.HopperNo. What did he say?GirlHe said, you were so bright and so fresh.HopperOh, he told you that, did he?GirlYes, now we know what one means,when one speaks of you windyAmericans.HopperWindy?GirlsNo, no. Breezy.HopperBreezy that's better.GirlIs it true, that you Americans are alwaysin a hurry?HopperOh, no. Oh no! You see sometimes wepass ourselves, then have to wait until wecatch up to ourselves.....(Girls go R.L.)and in the meantime, we rest.

NUMBER: "IN A HURRY"Every real old Yankee's in a hurryNo matter why or where he is, or what hehas to doHe simply cannot live without his flurryBefore he starts to do a thing he's nearlyhalf way through

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Often when he has to take a journeyHe's up and gone and home again beforeyou've time to packAnd when he's on the road at any turn,He will meet himself already comingback.REFRAINHe's in a hurryA hurryAt noon and night timeAll time is flight timeBelieve me!No time for him is slow timeBelieve me!No time for him is slow timeIt's always hustle, rustle, bustle, tussleHustle, rustle, bustleIn a hurryA hurryIn spring or winterHe is a sprinterBelieve me!He's some hikerHe's no pikerMeets a girl on SundayThey are married MondayNo matter what he has to doHe's always in a hurry.(Exits R.1.E)(Exit Girls)(Encore -- Enter from R.1.E. Walk aroundbench C. twice -- second time you findTATIANA standing C.)HopperHello!TatianaWell?HopperExcuse me, I'm in a hurry.(Starts R.U.E.)

TatianaThe idea.

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Hopper(Returning)It's a good thing you called me back, I'man American, my card.(He hands playing card, sees his mistake.Offers calling card. Tatiana takes cardand drops it to floor)Now that we are acquainted, my name isHopper.(Tatiana looks at him, he backs away)(IVAN enters R.1.E.)You life saver, introduce me.IvanCertainly, Countess Verenoff, may Ipresent my friend Mr. Thaddeus T.Hopper.Tatiana(Frigidly)Mr. Hopper.HopperCountess -- I -- I am charmed.(Fans himself with hat)There's a cool breeze blowing.IvanYes, that's from the Black Sea yonder.HopperWell, well, isn't it blue, the Black Sea? Ithought it was the Arctic Ocean.(Tatiana looks at him in amazement)I'm always mixed up in my georgraphy,when I'm travelling.Tatiana(Crossing to R.C.)Yes, perhaps you will be able to find yourbearings in the garden. They are servingrefreshments there. Bon soir, Signore.HopperSan Diego, Nellie.Tatiana

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I said they are serving refreshments in thegarden.(Looks at him and exits house)

HopperI think I will go home and finish mypacking.(Crosses R.C.)

IvanYes, I move we go.(Starts C.)

HopperAnother thing I move.(Starts C. KATINKA enters from houseL.)Motion-over-ruled.(Down stage)

Katinka(Coming down L. of C.)Ivan, you're not going withoutintroducing your friend to me.Ivan(Coming down R.)We're in a hurry.HopperDon't you believe him. I'm never in ahurry.(To Ivan)She's much warmer than the other.IvanMadame Strogoff.Hopper(Amazed)Madame!IvanMay I present my friend from America,Mr. Thaddeus Hopper?HopperAm I to understand then, that this is the

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bride?IvanYes, this is the bride.HopperAccept my very best wishes for manyhappy re- that is I mean to say -- I'mcharmed. Do you know -- I'd like to meetyour husband!KatinkaYes?HopperI have a great curiosity to see the manselected by Heaven to own suchhappiness.KatinkaThat's a very pretty speech.HopperI have a very pretty subject.(Business with Ivan, pulls his coat. ToIvan)Go, my boy! Of course Ivan warned me Iwas to see the loveliest bride in Yalta.KatinkaOh he said that, did he?HopperYes, yes. We had a saying "Follow Ivanand you can't go wrong," and they did.Married women and all.KatinkaThat isn't the way I heard it.HopperNo?KatinkaFollow Ivan and you're sure to go wrong.IvanOh, a lot of unfounded gossip.HopperI don't know my boy, you did show me afew regular nights.

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IvanYes, but that was afterwards.KatinkaAfterwards?(Surprised)

IvanAfter I knew that a woman's word can beas easily broken as the paper upon whichit is written.HopperOh, I remember, he did get a jolt fromsome fair Russian honey bee.KatinkaI thought I knew pretty well all aboutIvan's love affairs.HopperOh, there was some little girl whopromised to marry him and then at thelast moment sent all his presents back andmarried someone else. That's better thanthey do in my country, they generallyforget to the return the presents.(Hopper walks up stage R.C.)

KatinkaI know Russian girls pretty well -- I'mafraid Ivan deserved it.IvanDeserved no answer to letters for monthsand months. No explanation of any kind.Nothing but a curt note from her motherannouncing her engagement to anotherman.KatinkaIvan, what are you saying?IvanI'm telling you the truth. I wrote youletter after letter begging for anexplanation of your silence.KatinkaI never got them, and I wrote you week

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after week, and never a reply.IvanThen we've been duped, cheated.Hopper(Coming down R.C.)Ivan -- is this the little girl you wanted todrown yourself for?KatinkaDrown himself?HopperHe was strong for the river, but Iconvinced him that wine was in muchbetter taste, which I had to pay for, I'msorry if I started something that you can'tfinish -- but I'm afraid that in cases of thiskind, two heads are better than three.(Crosses R.)Remember Ivan, our boat sails in half anhour. So Madam, as you would say inyour beautiful language, Goodnightowich -- Goodbye ovich!(Exits into Garden)

KatinkaOh, Ivan, have I permitted to think ill ofyou and you of me unjustly?IvanLittle girl you know I've never had aserious thought for any woman in theworld but you.KatinkaI see how they schemed it all, yourappointment to Vienna, your letterswhich Varenka never brought me, myletters to you which Varenka neverposted. Oh, Ivan -(BORIS and GIRLS laugh in garden R.)

(4 GIRLS enter R. and sit at table in archup C. KATINKA crosses R. and listens)IvanKatinka!

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KatinkaWhat shall we do?IvanThere's nothing to do, nothing to say, butgoodbye.KatinkaNo, not yet.(Sits C.)I must talk to you for just a little while. Iwant you to know that never for onemoment have I forgotten you. Why, theday I gave all your pretty presents tomother to return, I thought I should die ofcrying-- I ---IvanAnd the day I received them I thought Ishould go mad.KatinkaI sent them all, all but the little whitepigeons you gave me last Easter, I justcouldn't give them up.(Rises)And Ivan, what do you think -- she'sfound a mate.IvanShe has?KatinkaYes, a big handsome fellow, every day hecomes from somewhere and tells her howhe loves her. You should see them.(Two white pigeons appear on posts ofgate C.)Why there they are now!(NUMBER)

"RACKETTY COO"(KATE L.C.) (4 down too)Just beneath the eaves,'Midst ivy leaves A little pigeon dwellsShe's very circumspect,

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Au-fait and quite selectAs every neighbor tellsQuiet and alone,As still as stone,She sits the whole day long,But when the sun shows day is done,It's quite a different song.REFRAINEvery night I hear her sing, "Tweet,tweet"My little pigeon trueThen hesitate Until her mateSays "Racketty Coo, coo, coo, coo"Then again she'll answer "Tweet, tweet,tweet"Which means that she'd sayI'm all alone dearCome on, now why stay away?(Back to L.)Ah, how I wish that I need only say"Tweet tweet" whenever I am blue,And hear an echo answer"Racketty Coo, coo, Racketty coo."And know that Racketty Coo means you.When dear Mr. DoveHas told his loveAs gallant pigeons doHe gives his little MissA pretty pigeon kiss,And coos a fond adieu,Then away he'll fly.As tho' he'd try,To test her love and yetShe can't be sure a soundBut some hope he's aroundTo make a love duet.(Repeat chorus)

(Katinka and Ivan exit L.1.E.)(After finish of Number IVAN returns.PETROV enters R.U.E.)

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PetrovThen after all you still love her.(Crosses to Ivan L.)

IvanWhy, of course I love her, how can I everbear this!PetrovCourage, my boy, courage!(Enter HOPPER from arch R.3.E., turnsto girls at table)HopperGirls, don't eat my pie.(Crossing to Ivan L. who is in pain)Ivan, I'm nine courses ahead of you.What's wrong, got a headache? Amoment ago you were as gay as asummer widower and now you look likethe father of twins. What's wrong, eh?PetrovIt's Katinka.HopperKatinka! Oh, the bride.PetrovYes.IvanI thought I'd forgotten, but seeing heragain and knowing that she still loves me--Hopper(Laughs)What? On her wedding night she tellsyou that she loves you?IvanHere where I stand.HopperThat's going some. In America we wait atleast until the honeymoon.IvanDon't say that word to me. The thought of

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it kills me. I think I shall go mad!Hopper(Looks R.)Yes, he does look a bit of a bear. I mustconfess boys, it's an awkward situation.But are they really married?IvanYes, in the church, didn't you hear thebells, those awful bells?HopperYes, no wedding bell rings, without itsounds the knell of some poor oldalso-ran.IvanBut can't something be done? You are anAmerican, you can think quickly; helpme save her, is there no way out?HopperThere's no quick way out of marrage,boy, except strychnine, or a pair of whitewings, and either way it's a bit risky.IvanIs there no way out?HopperNot a ghost of a chance.PetrovYes! There's one ghost of a chance.IvanWhat do you mean?PetrovOlga!IvanBoris Strogoff's first wife?PetrovYes.IvanBut she's dead.PetrovYes, but I've seen her ghost.

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HopperCome over here, Hamlet.PetrovI was the servant in the Strogoff familywhen he married pretty Olga Andranoviaten years ago. She ran away, and inCircassia where we followed her, theytold us she had died and so we allbelieved, until three years ago I saw herin Constantinople. She made me swearnever to betray her secret, for shepreferred the life of a slave in IzzetPasha's Harem to a life with Boris.HopperThen if she's still alive this marriage isillegal.IvanThen Katinka can be saved.HopperNot unless we can prove that Olga is notdead.IvanPetrov will swear to it.HopperAll he can swear to is that she was alivethree years ago.IvanThen we must search and find her.(Up stage)

HopperYes, and if she is still alive and living inIzzet -- what's- his-name's palace, howlong will it take for you to establish thatfact?PetrovIn one short week. I ---HopperIn one short nothing. Whatever is to bedone to save the situation must be donenow and tonight.

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(Ivan coming down L.)IvanYes, now and tonight.HopperHold the towel.(Gives Petrov the napkin he has enteredwith)Gather around me, children, now let methink. I have it, we'll hide Katinka.IvanYou know nothing of Russia and herpolice or you wouldn't talk of hiding her.HopperThat's right. I've got to think again. Letme see.(Rests his arm on Petrov's shoulder, as ifin thought)I've got it. Do your friends know that Iam married?IvanYes.HopperDo they know if my wife is here inRussia with me or not?IvanNo.HopperThen I'll take Katinka out of Russia.IvanWithout a passport?HopperI have a passport.Ivan and PetrovA passport?HopperFor my wife and myself.PetrovDo you mean that Katinka will go withyou as Mrs. ----

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HopperYes, as Mrs. Thaddeus Hopper. Quickboy -- Look boy-(To Petrov R.)You go and secure some extraaccomodations.Petrov(R.C.)For Ivan and myself?HopperNo, you must take the rival boat whichleaves an hour later and we'll all meet inConstantinople.PetrovBut do you realize you are asking totravel, with a young lady---HopperWhat's the matter with you, you old fluff,I love my wife.IvanHopper, your scheme is great, if ---HopperIf what?IvanIf Katinka will consent.PetrovI will find a chance to ask her.(Crosses R.1.E.)

HopperListen, here are the plans. She's to enterher chamber, put on her travelling dress,slip from the house, get into the carriagewhich you will have waiting, and call forme here as my wife.PetrovVery well.(exits L.1.E.)

IvanHopper, you're a wonder!

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HopperNo, only an American. There's only a fewof us left.(HOPPER and IVAN cross R. EXITHOPPER and IVAN)

GirlsThe Dancers!(Enter BOYS and GIRLS all laughing andtalking. Enter RUSSIAN DANCERS fromhouse L.)(BORIS enters R.1.E. arch and watchesDancers. PETROV enters L.2.E.)(After DANCERS exit, PETROV comesdown R)Ivan(ENTERS R)Will she consent?PetrovYes, she consents.(Exits L.1.E.)(HOPPER enters down R.2.)

Boris(Coming down R.C. from R.1.E.)Ah, Mr. Hopper, I did not see you amongthe diners. I trust you are not bored?Hopper(R.C.)Bored! I'm having the time of my life.BorisWill you join me in a glass of wine?HopperWhy certainly!(ENTER VARENKA from arch R.U.E.with wine)(ENTER KATINKA and TATIANA onbalcony house L.)BorisHere's to Katinka, the sweetest flower in

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Yalta.(ALL enter)

Hopper(Xes R.C.)And to the lucky man who shall wear herbeauty near his heart.(Looks at Ivan, winks C)Here's hoping!(GIRLS and BOYS applaud)

(KATINKA throws bouquet to the crowd,below. KATINKA on balcony L. HOPPERexits R)

FINALEBLUE LIGHTSGood night! Good night!The shadows draw their velvet shawlAbout love's sweet retreatThe stars have lit their candles tallTo guide young Cupid's feet.To Hymen's hall, to Hymen's hall!May love's fair dreams be sweet---Good-night--Good-night!(KATINKA and TATIANA exit)IvanAnd now a toast to BorisHappy owner of Heaven's fairest star.ChorusTo Boris! to Boris!

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Boris and Chorus(Half drunk)I thank you friends both new and oldFor wishes so benignI only hope that soon you'll holdThe bliss that now is mine.(Spills wine)And as I spill this liquid fireA gift to Gods aboveMay they pour blessings and inspireMy heart's mate with true love.(EXIT BORIS)(Katinka's trio in her bedchamber whereVARENKA and MAIDS disrobe her.)(KATINKA at window)Long life of bliss they liveWith blessings that Heaven may giveAnd may their worries ceaseAnd only joys increaseAnd on this happy new made homeMay never shade or shame of sorrow evercome.So once again with song and anthemWe greet the bride, and the lucky manWho walks by her side,May the bloom of their love abide,May love abide.(While chorus and BORIS are singingPETROV enters L.1.E. KATINKA intravelling dress opens window, steps outand away with Petrov L.1.E. Goes aroundup above wall where carriage is waiting.)(Music for Hopper's entrance R. arch)HopperIt's getting late--I'll have to go. My wife Ifear is slow.Petrov(Up C)No, she's here.

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HopperThen I'll go!(Last half of "Hurry" for Curtain)(Hopper shakes hands with Ivan andgirls. Runs up C. Gets in carriage)(BORIS enters room in house. Does notfind Katinka, sees window open, comesout, looking for her)(Second curtain picture BORIS--bewildered)CURTAIN.

KATINKA ACT IISCENE: Opening NASHAN discovered inwindow in Harem L. PORTER at well C.AMERICAN BOYS and GIRLS,TURKISH BOYS and GIRLS. TURKISHSOLDIERS, BEGGARS, GENDARMES,RUG-MAKER, LETTER-WRITER,BELL-BOY, STORE- KEEPER, HAREMGIRLS.Curtain goes up on harp solo.NASHAN sings.NashanThere 'neath the shadesOf rose panoplied walls,Where moon-eyes maids woo,Day dreams tender thralls,There I too learned to playIn Allah's holiday,Ah, might it but last Alway:Bring your silver cymbalTambourine and tymbalStrike with fingers nimbleSome pretty lay!While the tones are tinklingRose breath I'll be sprinkling,Where your feet are twinkling,Allah's HolidayAh could it but lastCould it last alway.

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(PORTER enters from hotel R. KNOPFenters from L. through C., goes down toPorter by well C)Knopf(R.C.)Pardon, but is this Izzet Pasha's harem?Porter(R)What?KnopfThe Harem of Izzet Pasha, is it?PorterYes, Izzet's.(KNOPF Xes to harem L. and usesknocker on door. Harem door opens, twoslaves, with scymitars, appear. KNOPFbacks C. laughing. ARIF enters, goes C.ABDUL enters and stands in doorwaybetween two slaves)ArifWell, well! You wish to see me?KnopfYes, it is about some girls. They mustsing and dance, a specialty for my newCafe.Arif(L.C.)I see, I see. Abdul, send Nashan.(ABDUL exits into harem)

Knopf(R.C.)Nashan! Who is she?ArifShe has charge of the girls. She speaksmany languages, French, English,Russian, Italian---

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KnopfFor a woman one tongue is a plenty.(Enter Nashan from harem L.2.E.)

ArifAh, Nashan! Meet my friend SignorKnopf, from Paris.Nashan(Salaams)Charmed.Knopf(Bows)I'm over-powered.ArifHe wishes to hire some dancing girls; wecan spare some?NashanNo. We haven't any at present, but we areexpected some from Circassia.Knopf(Looks at Nashan, lets out a yell. Ariflaughs)Are they all as pretty as that one?ArifI have nothing but beauties.KnopfThat's nice. If nobody else I take herabsitively.ArifNashan, you may go.(Nashan starts for harem L; looks atKnopf, goes to door, looks again, andthrows Knopf a kiss, exits)(Knopf laughs)(Enter HALIL C., going down R. torug-maker)KnopfWho's the Billiken?Arif

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That is Halil. It is he who secures for usthe prettiest girls from Circassia. Halil,meet my friend Herr Knopf.Halil(Laughs)How do you do?ArifNashan tells me you are expecting somegirls from Circassia.Halil(Laughs)Yes, there is a boat due today. I'm goingto get them.(Xes r., laughs, exits R.1.E.)

KnopfHe is the funniest fellow I ever saw.ArifHe's the life of Stamboul.(Xes to harem L., stands with folded armslooking at audience)Knopf(To L.)Well, well, boys, I'm glad to see you, butwhen did you leave Vienna?BoyThe day before yesterday. We onlyarrived this morning.KnopfAnd where are you staying?BoyTwo streets over, at the Hotel Pera.KnopfBut the rest of the party, Mr. and Mrs.Hopper?BoyMrs. Hopper's here, we're expecting Mr.Hopper today.

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KnopfDidn't they come together?BoyNo, he went to Yalta with a youngRussian he met at your hotel, namedDimitri.KnopfIvan Dimitri.BoyYes, he was to join us here at Stamboul.His boat is due today.KnopfBut where is Mrs. Hopper?BoyHere's Mrs. Hopper now.(MRS. HOPPER enters from R. throughgate C.)Knopf(R.C.)Ah, Madam Hopper, how are you? I'mglad to see you.HelenWhat are you doing so far from Vienna?KnopfBusiness, pure business.HelenPure business?KnopfWell, you see, business with me meansbusiness. But why didn't you come to thishotel?HelenMy husband arranged that I should stopat the Pera.KnopfAh, but this is ever so much better. Youwill find everything modern here, justlike my place in Vienna, and besides, thisis right in the heart of Stamboul. There,for instance, is a genuine Turkish harem.

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(Points L.)

(ARIF is standing quiet)HelenOh, a real live gracious to goodness- - -(Sees Arif)The exterior decorations are pretty.KnopfAllow me, Mrs. Hopper, to introduce ArifBey.ArifSap-al lar summe, sus stelby, un a fende,salaam.(He salaams)

HelenI second the motion.KnopfMrs. Hopper is from America.ArifAmerica? The land of beautiful ladies.(Xes L.C., bows)I am in ecstasy.Knopf(R.C.)This gentleman is the keeper of IzzetPasha's harem.Helen(C)Oh, the harem! I'm just crazy to see theinside of a harem.KnopfMaybe we can arrange it.HelenCan you?ArifFor eyes like yours, I could arrangeanything.(About to embrace her)

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HelenNever mind, never mind.ArifBut to go on the inside of a harem, that isa forbidden fruit.(He Xes L.)

HelenBut I thought that was your long suit?ArifWhat?HelenServing forbidden fruit. How, couldn'tyou, sort of, fix it?Arif(Flirts)Maybe, we shall see.Helen(C)Maybe?ArifIn the meantime, trust in Allah.HelenI wouldn't do it.ArifOh!(Walks two steps to entrance L.)Oh!(Repeats bus.)Oh!(Repeats bus.)Praised be Allah!(Exits L.1.E.)

Helen(Xes R.C.)Isn't he nervous?KnopfThat's a Turkish emotion.

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HelenI thought it was a Turkish Delight. Whatis this "Trust in Allah?"KnopfI'd rather trust Allah than trust him.HelenSo would I. Just the same, if he canarrange it, I'm going into the harem.(Xes L.)

KnopfAh, but your husband wouldn't like it.HelenBut my husband isn't here.Knopf(R.C.)The boys were just telling me he was inRussia.HelenYes, he's been away from me for threeweeks. It's the first time we've beenseperated since we were married.(Xes L.C.)

Knopf(Follows her)Poor fellow.HelenPoor fellow?KnopfI mean, how lonesome he must havebeen.HelenHe's written and cabled me every day,bless his little heart. Isn't that good ofhim?(Shows photo)

KnopfIt's just like him all but the face.Helen

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But to think of him ill and lonesome onthat old boat with no one to look afterhim.KnopfNo one to look after him? You don'tknow these Russian girls!HelenOh, I could trust him anywhere, andbesides, when we're on shipboard he'salways terribly ill and sticks to his cabin.KnopfHow sweet of him!HelenBet your life it's sweet.KnopfAch du lieber!(Xes to hotel R)

HelenAre you leaving me?KnopfNothing bores a man so much as to hear awoman tell him how much she loves herhusband. Good-bye!(Falls up steps, exits hotel R)

Helen(C)At that he's right. Many a man has lost aperfectly good wife by allowing her tobore his friends too long. Hubby dear, Ithink you'd better hurry home.

SONG: "YOUR PHOTO"I've a picture I keep always near me,Yes, always near me, and en-tre-nousAll the day and night I keep holding ittightJust to cheer me, for it's you!And here, where all my heart beats trueIs our own secret re-de-vous!(Enter CHORUS)

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CHORUSOn my heart I am wearing your photo,Because my heart dear, is your heart intoto,And so I hold you pressed,Upon my longing breast,But I'll give you this slight intimationAltho' your photo's a fair illustrationOf tender lips I have knownAnd the love that's my own,Still at best it's a chilly imitationI think you'd better hurry home.Tho' you smile back at me when I'mkissingWhen I'm kissing - your dear lips thereTho' the look in your eye I can quiterecognizeSomething's missing, I declare.And tho' it be your counter-part,I cannot love you a la carte.(Exits)(Repeat chorus)(After number CHORUS GIRLS enter C.from R. and exit hotel R. DETECTIVEenters, goes L.)(Enter KATINKA and HOPPER from R.through C. Katinka down L., Hopper C.)Hopper(R.C.)Here we are, in the land of Meccacigarettes. We can't do anything untilPetrov and Ivan come. Their boat waslanding just behind us. In the meantime,you had better take a room at the hotel,and I'll register under some fake nameand we'll fool them.Katinka(L.C.)Oh no! That won't do! We must keep thename on the passport.HopperOh no! Oh no! This is as far as you can

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go on my name!Katinka(Pointing L.)You see that man over there?HopperYes.KatinkaRussian Secret Service.HopperServes him right.KatinkaHe saw our passports as we left the boat.If I drop the name now, I'm lost.HopperBut, Katinka, I've a wife who's liable tocome here.(Enter PORTER hotel R.)PorterYour reservations, you have not madeyet?HopperWe want -- --Katinka(Xes R.C.)A suite of two rooms.HopperYes, two sweet little rooms.PorterTwo rooms, and the name?HopperThe name is - - -KatinkaHopper.(Exits SPY hotel R. He sneaks up backand into hotel)PorterTwo rooms for Mr. and Mrs. - - - -Katinka

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Thaddeus T. Hopper.PorterThaddeus T. Hopper.Hopper(L.C.)The T stands for trouble.(Exit Porter hotel R.)You didn't miss a thing, did you? Noteven my middle initial.Katinka(R.C.)Neither did the spy. Did you see how helistened? Whatever we do about Olgamust be done at once.Hopper(On well C.)You're right. We are living on the craterof a volcano and if my wife ever drops inon us--(Bus.)it will be all over but the lava.KatinkaBut you can explain to her.HopperI can explain? Oh no! You shall explain!KatinkaShe will be proud of you!HopperOh, she'll be proud of me all right.(Rises, Xes L.C.)

KatinkaYou're a hero!HopperI'm a hero, but I'll be just as well satisfiedif she never learns just how much of ahero I am.(Enter PORTER hotel R)Porter

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Number 13 is now ready.HopperYou picked a lucky one, didn't you?PorterWill you be shown to your rooms?KatinkaWhat?HopperYes. Don't be frightened.KatinkaYou won't be long?(Xes R., stands on steps)

HopperNo, I'll be up in a little while and bringthe trunks with me.PorterDon't worry. I shall keep your secret.HopperYou know it then?PorterYou've all the symptoms.HopperWhat?PorterJust married.HopperOh, yes, yes, yes --married! That's right,you're wrong again, you big hunk.(Xes L.)

PorterBut you can rely on me to help you.(Holds out hand for tip)

HopperYes, I see your helping hand. Here's anAsiatic nickel for you. Now for this, youwill keep our secret? If anyone shouldask you, say you know we've beenmarried for ages.

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PorterYou will, of course, have your dinnerserved in your room?HopperOh yes, of course.PorterAnd the twin beds------KatinkaOh!(Exits into hotel R.)

PorterOh, then I'll have them removed.HopperNo! Leave one for her, - one little one.PorterDon't worry. I'll keep your secret.Newlyweds, ha, ha, ha!(He exits into hotel R.)

HopperThat fellow has a face like a fish.(Starts to hotel)

(IVAN enters C. from R. down L.)Ivan(R.C.)Hopper! Wait a minute.Hopper(R.)Ivan! I'm glad to see you -- you and yourlittle blue jacket. We've got to work fast;there's Izzet Pasha's harem over there.IvanThen all we've got to do is see if Olga'sstill there.HopperThat's all we've got to do, but how are wegoing to do it?IvanSuppose you just go in there.

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HopperStand back!(Stretches himself, grows important, fixeshis hat)I'm not going to let a little thing like aharem frighten me.(Whistles "Yankee Doodle" softly and Xesto harem L. Does a break with ironknocker on harem door. Stands back andlooks wise)Maybe the girls are out. What'll I say?IvanCan you say something in Turkish?HopperCan I talk Turkish? Easy! Mogulio,Fatima, Turkish towelio.(Knocks, no response)Maybe the girls are not home.(Knocks, then goes to Ivan C. Doors openimmediately. HOPPER strolls in. GIRLSscream in harem, negro slaves chaseHopper out; he runs to extreme L.C., getsbehind Ivan)Whoa whoa, you harem scarems. My,how the gold dust twins have grown. Theone with the mustache is turning pale.The future looks very dark. I know theirweakness. Shoot a nickel!(SLAVES laugh, run for nickel and exitinto harem)(Hopper laughs, Ivan laughs)IvanBut is there no way out?Hopper(R.C.)Didn't you see me come out? First wemust find some way in.Ivan(Xes L.)But I must find Olga!

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(PETROV enters R.U.E.)PetrovIvan -- Ivan -- Abdul tells me there is agirl still in the harem who answers Olga'sdescription!Ivan(L.)Then we'll stay here. Some time she'sbound to come out!PetrovNo! Whatever we do must be done atonce. I have learned that Boris hasfollowed on his yacht, and he may landany minute.Hopper(L.C.)If he lands, he'll land on me, andKatinka's registered here as my -- Oh, myLord!(Up stage)

PetrovNow, none of us can ever hope to go inthere.HopperIn where?PetrovIn there!(Points to harem L.)

HopperIn the harem?(Grows chesty)Tell him!Ivan(Laughs)He was in.Hopper(Walks up stage, jumps around as ifsomeone is behind him)Not only was I in, but I cam out! I saw

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both of them! Gillettes that long. But Idrove them back again.PetrovBut Katinka can go in.Hopper and IvanYes! How?Petrov(R.C.)Abdul tells me they are now landingsome Circassian Dancing Girls for theharem. We'll let Katinka pose as aCircassian Dancing Girl.IvanWhy?PetrovSo she can go with the others into theharem.HopperFine!(Enter KATINKA on porch)Petrov(R.)With the photograph I have given her, shewill easily recognize Olga, if she's there.Now here's a Circassian dress I boughtfor her.KatinkaIvan!Ivan(Steps across to look up)Katinka!(Xes R.)

(PETROV Xes L.C.)Hopper(L.C.)Tell her our plans. Be careful now,remember she's married.Ivan

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She shall be married to me.(Goes to fourth R.)

HopperThat'll make three.Petrov(R.C.)Three?HopperBoris, Ivan, and me.PetrovYou?HopperOh yes! She's registered here as Mrs.Hopper.Petrov(Up L.C.)Ah, that is well.HopperWell enough for her, but I'm getting heartfailure.(Petrov exits R.U.E. Ivan on balcony)(Enter PORTER from hotel to R.U.E.)Porter, front! Stop! Whoa! Is there anAmerican bar anywhere around here?PorterOver there, around the corner, I'll showyou.(Toward Hotel R.U.E.)

HopperA cup of Turkish coffee might help.(Enter ABDUL L.3.E.)PorterTo bridgegrooms I alwaysrecommend-----(Exits)

HopperOh -- behave yourself.

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(Exit above R.U.E.)

(Enter NASHAN)Petrov(Off)Abdul! Abdul!(Enters L.U.E.)Now, remember, the young lady is to betaken to join Halil and his dancing girls.Abdul(L.)But can she dance?PetrovNo, but she can sing.AbdulBut if she is not beautiful, Halil will notconsent.PetrovShe's there.(Points to Katinka on balcony)

AbdulAllah! An angel! But does she consent?Petrov(Xes R.C. to Ivan on balcony)Ivan, will she join the Circassian DancingGirls?KatinkaYes, I will do it.PetrovYou hear?(He exits hotel R. with package)

Nashan(In window)So up to your old tricks again?Abdul(L.C.)You've been eavesdropping!Nashan

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I have not---only listening!AbdulThen you know of the new bird ofParadise?NashanWho is she?(Enter PORTER Hotel R.U.E.)(KATINKA and IVAN business all thistime, exit)AbdulTell me, who is that angel?(Points to balcony)

PorterThat is the bride of a rich American.NashanAn American?PorterHis name is Hopper--newly married.(He exits hotel R.U.E.)NashanAnd yet he wants to get rid of her.AbdulPoor little thing!NashanWe won't pity her until we've seen herhusband.(Enter ARIF R., coming C.)

AbdulNashan!Arif(R.C.)By the sacred beard of Mahomet'sprophet, what are you two gabbingabout?Adbul(Down L.C.)A pretty wife!Nashan

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Of a rich American.ArifWell, what of it?Abdul(L.C., down)He wants to get rid of her.Arif(L.C.)She must be homely.Abdul(R.C.)Homely? She's a pippinette!ArifYou interest me. What's her name?AbdulHopper.Arif(C.)Hopper, Hopper. That's the name -- I mether.AbdulYou saw her?Arif(Down C.)I was introduced to her right here. Thelady was looking for forbidden fruit, andshe expressed a most peculiar desire tosee the inside of a harem. I have an idea.Go find this man Hopper, Abdul-- bringhim here to me.AbdulI run with the feet of a camel.(Exits R.3.E.)

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ArifNashan, go prepare a room for the lady.And another thing, it is quite possible thatMedia will take some girls on the fiveo'clock train; if so, it is well that youshould go to guard them.NashanOh, please don't send me away from here.ArifBosh, nonsense! The word of Arif Beymust not be questioned. Go!(Exit NASHAN and ARIF harem L.)(Enter TATIANA, VARENKA, BORIS,SPY R.U.E.)(SPY R. Points to hotel R.)(Enter Porter from hotel.)Boris(L.C.)Porter, did you have a Mr. Hopperregistered here?PorterYes.BorisThis morning?Porter(R.)Their luggage came on the boat fromYalta.VarenkaYou see!Boris(C.)Who was with him?PorterHis wife.Tatiana(R.C.)Can you swear to that?

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Porter(Bus.)Madam, you ask too much!BorisDid he act natural or nervous?PorterNaturally nervous. I think it was brideand groom.Boris(R.)I will see this bride and groom.PorterYou wait in the reception room and I willfind them for you.(Exit TATIANA, VARENKA, BORIS, SPY,hotel R.)(Enter HOPPER and ABDUL R.3.E.)Hopper(R.C.)Where are you taking me?AbdulInto the harem.HopperGo right ahead.(Enter ABDUL into harem L. doors slamin Hopper's face)It's harder to get in there than the MarthaWashington hotel.(Up C.)

(Enter HELEN and KNOPF hotel)KnopfI'll go and see about other rooms.HelenBut I couldn't think of moving here untilmy husband comes.(HOPPER sees Helen)KnopfNonsense! I'll go and see about the room

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-- I'll be right back!(Exits into hotel R.U.E.)

(MR. and MRS. HOPPER see each other)HopperHelen!Helen(R.C.)Thad! Darl---where have you been?HopperI have been lonesome, Helen. Look atme---I've been awfully lonesome.(Holds her in his arms and looks atbalcony R.)

Helen(Moving away)Did she roll much?HopperHow should I know?HelenHow should you know? Well, if youdon't, it's the first time in your life.HopperHelen!HelenEvery trip we've ever made you've turnedturtle on the slightest roll of the sea.HopperOh, the sea!HelenWhy, of course! What did you think I wastalking about?HopperI thought you were talking about theocean.(Laughs, Xes L.)

HelenThaddeus T. Hopper, come here!Hopper

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Don't strike me, Helen.HelenI don't think you're well.HopperOh, Helen, it was an awfully roughvoyage.(Cries. Arms bus.)

HelenI think you had better lie down a while.HopperYes, I'll lie down, in your rooms, Helen,in your rooms.HelenOf course in my rooms--where did youexpect?(Enter KNOPF from hotel R. Turn heraround)KnopfIsn't that nice, Mrs. Hopper, yourhusband has already engaged rooms here.Hopper(Up to well)Oh, oh! Police! Helen, I'm sick, I'm sick,Helen.(Water)

HelenWhat did you do that for?HopperI shall explain it to you.(He kicks at Knopf behind Helen. Shedoes not understand)You see, dear, when I went over to thePera and I found you were not in, I cameover here to look for you and when I sawthe place over here, the well in theyard,and the little dog with the cane---(KNOPF looks under the chair, then sits)I liked it ever so much better than thePera, so I said to myself said I, "I'll get

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some good rooms for my little Helen -- asit were, and when you take a room as itwere, you are taking some room.(Laughs)(KNOPF laughs. HOPPER yells at him.KNOPF falls back in chair.)Stop! Helen, look at the rugs, but don'tbuy any.(HELEN retires up as KNOPF Xes toHopper)KnopfI knew you'd like it better here than thePera.HopperSTOP! Who are you?KnopfWho I are?HopperYes, who are you?KnopfI'm Knopf!(Puff)

Hopper(Turns away, puts up his coat collar,stands with head far above Knopf)Now, who are you?KnopfI am Herr Knopf from the Cafe Turkoisin Vienna. My card.(2 cards)

Hopper(Returns one card)I don't want to know you twice. Well, I'man American--my name is Hopper --here's my card.(He does a little trick with the card, itdisappears)

Knopf(Is fooled and insists upon looking for the

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card)Where's the card?Hopper(Backs him across the stage R.)You, you shrimp!KnopfStep your watch -- step your watch!HopperWhat do you mean "Step your watch?"KnopfWatch your step. I've been trying allmorning to get your wife to come overhere.HopperOh, you have, have you?(Smiles)That's very nice of you, but you see I beatyou to it.(Stamps on Knopf's foot)

KnopfOh -- oh -- oh ----(Yells and hops around, sits on chair R.,nurses foot)

(HELEN down L.C.)HopperIt's all right, Helen, let him laugh.KnopfLaugh!Hopper(R.C.)Anything my wife wants done, I'm thelittle boy that's going to do it.HelenYou're a dear, sweet, thoughtful boy!HopperI've been doing more thnking in the lasthalf hour than most men do in a lifetime.

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(Enter PORTER from hotel R.)PorterAh, Monsier Hopper, there is a gentlemanin the waiting room and he is impatient tosee you.Hopper(R.C.)A gentleman to see me --- just a minutedear. It's just a little business. What's hisname?PorterHis name is Strogoff.HopperWhat?PorterBoris Strogoff!HopperOh-o-o-o-(His knees begin to wobble)It's all right, it's all right -- it's my sealegs, the ocean, you know.(Takes Knopf's cane and walks as if witha crutch)Tell him I'll be there in a little while.HelenIn the meantime, Porter, send someone tothe Hotel Pera for my trunks, and havethem put in my husband's room.(HOPPER waves his hand to the Porter;the Porter doesn't understand, looksstupidly at him)PorterYour husband's rooms?HelenYes, Mr. Hopper's rooms.(HOPPER changes his actions to thePorter to an exercise movement asHELEN looks around)Helen

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(To Knopf)Whatever is the matter with you?HopperOh, it is a awfully rough voyage.Knopf(To Porter)Why do you stand there like an imbecile?Do what the lady want you to do.PorterYes, yes, of course, but-but----HelenI'll just take a run up and have a look atmy rooms!HopperNo, no, Helen--not yet! He has to takeout the twins.Helen(L.C.)What?HopperThe beds--the beds!HelenWhat are you talking about?HopperWell, you see dear, I had the roomsre-arranged with flowers, and buds, androses, and the wall paper with stringbeans----HelenAh, then you didn't forget it was ouranniversary!Hopper(R.C.)Oh, no! I didn't want you to see themuntil you could get the full effects.HelenYou haven't been so sweet to me since wehad our honeymoon.

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HopperI intend to be sweeter, Helen.KnopfBy golly, I bet he was somehoneymooner.(HOPPER rises)PorterHe is yet.(KNOPF and PORTER exit hotel R)HopperOh, I'm still there with that sentimentalstuff.

"THE WEEKLY WEDDING"HelenSome folks, some quiet, glum folksGet married once in all their life.HopperThis day to them is bliss dayBut all the rest are storms and strife.HelenThen there are other men rareWho think of wooden weddings, too.HopperAnd the China wedding olden,The silver and the golden.HelenBut these for me won't do.(Enter CHORUS)On every Sunday,Or maybe Monday,We pick out one day on which we'll playAt weekly wedding, then gaily treading,We'll dance through Tuesday, WednesdayThursday and through SaturdayTo tune, dearOf honeymoon, dearOn all the wayFor you and I dearThat's if we try dear,

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Can keep our wedding bells a-jinglingevery day.(Dance and exit R.I.E.)Ivan(Enters R.U.E.)Katinka, is she ready?Petrov(Enters hotel R)Yes, she's here.(Enter KATINKA from hotel R)Katinka(Xes R.C.)Here I am! Do I look like a Circassiandancing girl?Ivan(L.C.)You look like a Circassian angel. Hereare the plans. You are to join Halil andhis dancing girls and go with them intothe harem. Have you Olga's photograph?KatinkaYes, and if I ever get in, I will easilyrecognize her by that.IvanThen we must hurry.(IVAN and KATINKA exit C to R)(Enter ABDUL from harem, goes C andpeeks out)(Enter HOPPER from R.I.E., runs upbehind Abdul, strikes him on the back.Then HOPPER goes down C. and sits onwell)(Enter ARIF from harem)AbdulHis Highness, Arif Bey.HopperI've seen you before, in the window in aGreek restaurant.

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(He does bus. of turning cakes, then useshat for dish, takes cakes to table R andserves)No thanks, no more butter - - -ArifBosh! Who is this gentleman?AbdulMr. Hopper.ArifAh! Mr. Hopper! So harem-salam -salame.(Salaams)

HopperRight back at him. Delicattessen! Youwant to see me?ArifYes, about that little affair with your wife.HopperMy wife?(To Abdul, who is up listening. ABDULgoes L. and stamps his foot. Places Feztassel on Arif's cap over shoulder)Oh, that wife!ArifWhat?HopperI mean that's what you mean.ArifIs it true what I have been told? You wishto lose this little wife of yours?HopperNothing would give me more pleasure.ArifIt has occurred to you that it is a bit of arisk?HopperOh, she's willing.ArifTo be sure, but it also takes some trouble,

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and Americans are always willing to payfor little troubles.HopperNot willing, we have to pay. I got youstevedore. How much?(Takes out a check book and pen)

ArifWell, just a small item. I don't care to talkabout it.HopperSmall as that--fifty cents--twenty-fivecents? Check book for a nickel, fountainpen for a dime. Look out -- I'll walk outon you in a minute.ArifWell, we'll say in American money--athousand dollars.HopperA thousand dollars? In our country it is somuch for so much, but I see in Turkey itis so much for so little.ArifTo get rid of a wife you do not want? It isa trifle!HopperI suppose so. Come over in the office. Afriend of mine will see that she joins thegirls at the wharf. What's the name?ArifArif Bey. It is not necessary, we havemade other arrangements. And permit meto say, Mr. Hopper, your wife ischarming.HopperThank you, Mr. Turkey. YouThanksgiving kid.ArifThe wife of an American in my harem, itwill be for my Pasha a sensation. Ha, ha,ha, ha.

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(Xes L. to exit.)

Abdul(Follows)Ha, ha, ha, ha!Arif(Stamps foot)Hosh a lema!(ABDUL salaams)(ARIF exits into harem)HopperServes you right -- I hope he fires you!(MUSIC)(GIRLS X the bridge R to L. Halil)What's that?AbdulThat's Halil and his Circassian dancinggirls.HopperWhere are they going?AbdulHe's bringing them here to the haremfountain.(HOPPER starts for bridge C.)(HELEN enters R.I.E.)Helen(R.)Thaddeus, where are you going?HopperI'm going to get a bathing suit.(Exits C.)

(ABDUL exits into harem L)(GIRLS enter from hotel and on veranda)(ARIF enters from house, L.C.)ArifIt is warm?Helen

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(R.C.)Terribly!ArifAh, but there beneath Allah's sparklingfountain, it is cool. It is Fairyland!HelenI wish we had some of it out here. Youknow, you more than half way promised Ishould see this fairyland.(Up C.)

ArifI haven't forgotten my promise. All hasbeen arranged.Helen(Sits by well, C.)Arranged?ArifWith your husband.HelenYou know him?ArifAs a special favor to him, I promised thatyou should see beyond that wall.HelenWhen?ArifNow!Helen(Jumps down)Now?(Xes L)Just a peek!(Exits into harem L.)

ArifJust a peek!(Doors slam)She's mine!(Enter CIRCASSIAN DANCERS and

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HALIL and form picture for the Orientaldance. BOY appears from harem, danceswith principal and both exit into harem)(IVAN L.)Knopf(R.C.)Who's next?(To Halil)Tell me, can all the girls do something?Halil(Laughs)Sure, anyone.Knopf(Pointing to KATINKA, who has followedthe Dancing Girls on, and is standing bywell C.)That little yellow one?Halil(Laughs. L. Gets Katinka and leads herdown C. where she sings second verse of

"RACKETTY COO"When dear Mr. DoveHas told his loveAs gallant pigeons doHe gives his little MissA pretty pigeon kiss,And coos a fond adieu,Then away he'll fly.As tho' he'd try,To test her love and yetShe can't be sure a soundBut some hope he's aroundTo make a love duet.(IVAN on R.C.)REFRAINEvery night I hear her sing,"Tweet, tweet," - etc.Knopf(After song-R.)

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I'll take the whole show.(HOPPER enters from hotel R.C. on lastencore)Ivan(R.C., to Hopper)What does he mean?(Exit DANCING GIRLS into harem L,also HALIL)(KATINKA runs and exits into harem L)HopperShe's in!(PORTER enters from hotel R)Porter(On porch)Monsieur Hopper, the gentleman refusesto wait any longer, he must see your wife.HopperSend him out -- I'll talk to him.Ivan(Up C)How's he going to see your wife, whenshe's in there?Hopper(R.C.)I'll introduce him to my regular wife!IvanShe's here?HopperShe's been here all the time!(Enter BORIS, TATIANA, VARENKAfrom hotel R. ARIF on L)BorisThis wife of yours, you promised Ishould meet her.HopperYes, of course. My wife -- Helen -- Mrs.Hopper.

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Knopf(R.C.)I saw her talking to Arif a little whileago.HopperDid you see which way she went?Arif(Points R)

HopperKnopf, see if she's in the hotel.(Exit KNOPF)I'm looking for Mrs. Hopper--have any ofyou seen her?AllShe was here a moment ago.Arif(Xes L.C.)Keep it up, keep it up -- you're doingnobly!Hopper(Xes R.C.)Nobly? What do you mean?ArifYou're a wonder.HopperI really believe you know where she is.ArifI? Oh, no! You sly dog, she's safe inthere!HopperI don't mean that one!ArifBy Allah, how many have you?HopperI mean my real wife!Knopf(Has entered)The lady I introduced to you a moment

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ago.Arif(L)That's the one I mean!HopperYou poor shadow of a Saracen simp, youhave my wife locked up in that harem!(Chokes Arif and goes up to harem door)

ArifThis dog of a Christian hires me to hidehis wife, his bride of a day!BorisThen it was Katinka! I demand you tobring her out to me!(Enter CHORUS)

FINALEBoris(R.C.)Why stand you staring like a thing ofstoneHe tells you he's declaring the truth andtruth alone.Ivan(L. of Hopper)It means our ruin!Hopper(L.C.)Nothing doing!ChorusWhy stand you staring like a thing ofstoneHe tells you he's declaring the truth andtruth alone.Boris I swear by Nirvannah, and all thegods above,This villain Americano he has robbedhim of his love!Tatiana

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(R.C.)He stole her from her legal lord andmasterAnd there behind these gloomy walls he'scast her!(BORIS Xes to Tatiana)ChorusHe stole her from her legal lord andmasterAnd there behind these gloomy walls he'scast her!Boris(Down R.)And now we've waited long enough,where is she?(Enter ARIF and HELEN from harem)ArifShe's here.Helen(Spoken)Yes, what's the idea?Boris(Spoken)This is not my wife. There's been amistake.TatianaWhy, no!Hopper(Spoken, comes C)She's my wife ---- I love my wife!Boris(Sing)I was wrong to have accused you!HelenAccused him of what?

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Hopper(C.)Oh, nothing at all!Boris(R.C.)I'm sorry that I abused himHelen(L.C.)Abused him, but why?Hopper(C. aside to Ivan)Say, come help us stall.Ivan(R.)Yes, it looks like a squall.Hopper(Xes L.C.)You see, dear, it was just this way,I'm telling you straight and true;He thought I'd stolen his bride of a dayAnd hidden her here in this harem queer.Arif(Comes down L. of HELEN, who is L.C.)But you see it was only you.HelenHe sold me?HopperI - - -(Enter HALIL, KATINKA, and DANCINGGIRLS from harem L. followed byNASHAN. HOPPER turns and seesKatinka)Where are they taking you to?(KATINKA places finger to lips - silence.He starts toward Boris, followed byGIRLS. HOPPER goes to Helen)Boris(Taking stage R.C.)

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Stop! Who are these girls, and where arethey going?ArifThey are Circassian Dancing Girls!KnopfI am taking them to my Cafe Turkish inParis.BorisYou are, are you? Well, they may go!(Exit KATINKA and GIRLS R.U.E.NASHAN starts to pass Boris, sees him,starts back toward harem. Gains courageand follows dancing girls off R.U.E.)Helen(L.C.)'Tis the end, so farewell'Tis the end, so good-byeWhen we wake from this spellWe'll be strangers at last, you and I(Exit SLAVES)All the joys we have knownWill be withered and flown,Like the leaves that die'Neath a gray autumn sky.(Enter KATINKA and DANCING GIRLSfollowed by NASHAN across bridge up Cfrom R)KATINKATweet, tweet.IvanAnd hear an echo answer.KatinkaRacketty Coo.ChorusRacketty Coo, and know that Rackey Coomeans you.(HELEN takes string of pearls from herneck, hands them to Hopper, starts tohotel R. with KNOPF)(SECOND PICTURE: HOPPER bus.

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with pearls)CURTAINSecond curtain--They exit.Calls for the Company.

"KATINKA" ACT III

OPENING CHORUSIn Vienna, in Vienna, girls are brightest,Their hearts are lightest,Their eyes are ever fair!When they smile their lips uncover pearlsthe whitest,And their laughter rings like musicev'rywhere.In Vienna, in Vienna, girls are sprightly,They caper nightly,In sweet, seductive swirls,And they love it when you dare to holdthem slightly tightlyFor they are Vienna girls!(Into "My Paradise".)

ACT IIIRed flood lights.KATINKA C.LADIES and GENTLEMEN --FLUNKIES - WAITERS - FLOWERGIRLS - MAIDS -

"MY PARADISE"Your eyes that once gazed into mine,Kindling sweet passion there,Who 'neath their power divine,Now bathes in their love-light rare?Who feels the glow of your cheeksWho hears the love-thoughts you speak?With lips that once I pressed,Dear lips, I once caressed!I wonder!REFRAIN

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Oh, tender charms that were mine,Who worships now at your shrine?Who feels your heart-beats, pure asprayer?Who feels the fire that slumbers there?Ah, memories that still burn,I love, yet try to spurn,You are my cross on which I agonizeAnd yet, My Paradise!Your hands that I clasped in mine ownPressed like fair snow to my brow,Fingers of fire I have known,Ah, who feels their warm touch now?Who feels the thrill of your arm,So strong, yet so trembling and warm?Who now upon your breastKnows sweet Elysian rest?I wonder!(Katinka exits Arch R.E.)(Enter KNOPF Arch L.E. Enter DANCERC.)KnopfThe spirit of Youth!(Dance and exit R.1.E)Fine, fine!(To Waiter)Waiter!(WAITER - PORTER of Act II)Let nothing go wrong tonight. I'mexpecting two famous guests. TheRussian Ambassador Boris Strogoff.WaiterI met him in Constantinople.KnopfAnd the beautiful American lady, whomall Europe is talking about, Mrs. Hopper.WaiterYes, her husband sold her to a Turk.(Enter MRS. HOPPER from L. exit)Knopf(L.C)

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Ah, Mrs. Hopper, how do you do?Helen(R.C.)How do you do.KnopfI'm so sorry to hear about the troubleyou've been having with your husband.HelenOh, that's nothing. I merely found outthat the real road to love was the rockyroad to troublin'.GirlHelen if only before marriage there wassome way of recognizing one's soul mate.HelenThere is.ChorusWhat is it?HelenDance with him.ChorusDance with him?HelenHave you never watched an unhappilymarried couple trying to dance?KnopfNo!(Exit L.)

HelenYou've missed something.

"I CAN TELL BY THE WAY THATYOU DANCE, DEAR"If you would know whom to marry,Take my advice and be wary,If you go blindly, you'll rue it.Taboo it, don't do it!Here is a rule that is surest,Safest and sanest and purest,

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Dance to this lay,And see if you both can truly say.REFRAINI can tell by the way that you dance, dear.You have a thrill in your sway,Love with eternal romance, dear,All of your movements betray.And you put all my mind in a trance,dear.(EXIT STARTS)Sort of a soul jubilee.I can tell by the way that you dance, dear,That you were meant for me.(DANCE)(All exit after dance)(On encore all GIRLS exit. BOYS exitwhen Helen chooses dancer. DANCERappears and Helen and he dance. AfterHelen and Dancer encore, NASHAN andKATINKA from R.2.E)Nashan(Katinka stands C.)Ivan!(She looks R. Bus.)

NashanIvan!(Looks L. Business.)He was here a moment ago. Katinka, youlook that way and I'll look this.(Nashan exits L.E.)

("Racketty Coo" music starts - Katinkaruns R. and then L. Answers "TweetTweet". It is taken up by IVAN off archR.)(IVAN enters - Katinka goes to him andthey finish song together.)KatinkaTweet, tweet.Ivan(R.E. Off stage)

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Racketty Coo, coo, coo, coo.KatinkaAh, how I wish that I could only say"Tweet, tweet," whenever I am blue.(IVAN enters Arch R.)IvanAnd hear an echo answer "RackettyCoo", coo, Racketty Coo,And know that Racketty Coo means you.(They kiss)(Katinka goes L. to chair. Ivan goes up R.They both come down stage together forIvan's solo. Sits L. table)

"I WANT ALL THE WORLD TOKNOW"IvanNo one's near,I am waiting alone, dear.Come have no fear,For the hour is our own, dear.Moments of gold, we are wasting,Behold,Come to me, come to me.But let nobody dare to see.ChorusFor no one must know the meaning,Of our secret, sweet and true.So I dare but whisper softlyWhat my heart would call to you,So listen and you shall hear it,Dear, I love you, love you so.Our secret it is, yet somehow, dear,I want all the world to know.2.KatinkaFeel my heart,How its pulses are beating!Somehow I startAt each shadow so fleeting.Fear I've never known,I but fear, that I own

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The unrest, sweet unrest,Of a love that is unexpressed.(Repeat chorus)(After encore, IVAN and KATINKAremain on stage C)IvanSweetheart!KatinkaAny news of Olga?IvanPetrov wired me that he had leftConstantinople with good news. He's duehere tonight.Katinka(L)Every night I must sing here and everynight I think I see the eyes of Borisstaring at me.Ivan(L.C.)Petrov will bring good news, I'm sure.(Enter NASHAN L. arch)NashanQuick, someone is coming!(Exits L.3.E.)

Hopper(Enters C. from L.U.E.)No, no, I'll tip any waiter!Ivan(L.C.)Hopper, you're going to see her again!Hopper(L.U.)Who, my wife?IvanNo, Katinka!Hopper

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Oh!Katinka(L.C.)Oh, Mr. Hopper.HopperNot that I am not happy for you two, youunderstand. I like you, both of you.(To Katinka X C.)You the most, but I love my wife.Katinka(L.)Haven't you made up yet?HopperMade up, I haven't even caught up.KatinkaBut Petrov will bring good news, I'msure.Ivan(R.C.)Yes, he left Constantinople with goodnews.HopperGood news from Constantinople, it can'tbe done.IvanNevertheless he has learned that Olga isstill alive.HopperWhere is she?IvanHe doesn't know, but he has learned thatshe is somewhere here in Vienna.Hopper(L.C.)Good, if she's......(Enter KNOPF L.)Knopf(L.C.)

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Ah, Mr. Hopper, how do you do?(Shakes hands)

Hopper(R.C.)Out of my way, you made me lose mywife you pretzel.(X R.C.)

KnopfYour wife isn't lost, she's here.HopperHere?Knopf(R.C.)They call her the American Harem. Themost talked of woman in Vienna.Hopper(R.C.)Stop! Don't mention Harem. Didn't theychase me out of one of them. There's onlyone way you can square yourself withme.KnopfWhat is it?HopperIntroduce me to my wife.KnopfShe's here every night.HopperWith whom?Knopf(Dramatic)He's never the same.Hopper(Grabs him by the shoulder - holdspicture)He never will be when I get through withhim.Knopf

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In that case you'll have to fight an army.(Enter BORIS, TATIANA from L.U.E. Xesstage R.)BorisIt's such a beautiful place.TatianaOh, the whole place is charming.ArifMadam, you must not leave here untilyou hear that little girl sing.TatianaI shall be delighted.(Exit Boris, Tatiana and Arif, Arch R.)Katinka(Up L.C.)If I sing I'm lost.KnopfShe must sing - as never yet.(X R.C.)

HopperShe must not tonight.KnopfBut why, as a friend I ask you why?Double why?HopperBoris doesn't like music.KnopfBut what excuse will I offer, why shewon't, can't sing?HopperSay anything, say she's ill, say she's sick,say she's lost her voice, but she must notsing tonight.(Enter NASHAN L.3.E., goes to tableL.C.)Knopf(Xes L.)You want to ruin me?

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HopperCome over here and let me talk to you ina language you understand.(Takes him down R.)

KnopfWhat is it?HopperMy check book.KnopfDat's nice.(Knopf looks at Ivan L.)

HopperHow much will you sell me your showfortonight?KnopfChauffeur? I don't want to sell myChauf---HopperShow - show cabarete.KnopfOh, show. We'll say a little something, tenthousand kronens.HopperThat's thirteen dollars in our money. Holdup the desk.(Knopf holds up Hopper's leg for him towrite upon)Now, remember, if she sings I cancel thecheck.Knopf(R.C.)Yah, yah. Nashan, she must not singtonight.Nashan(Up L.)I understand.(Gag)

(Exit Katinka, Nashan and Ivan, Arch L.)

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SONG: "SKIDISKISCATCH"HopperPay to the order of - how do you spellyour name?KnopfMake it to cash,Wit a dashTo avoid a clash.HopperPenned it so often my wrist is gettinglame!KnopfYou're doing goodYou're a hero, that's understood.HopperSo I am a hero?KnopfThat is understood.HopperSpelt with a zero?KnopfThat is understood.HopperWhat?KnopfBest of living men?HopperBest of living men?KnopfYou have proved it with your littlefountain pen.1000 korenens.Hopper(REFRAIN)Skidiskiscatch!With his little pen in hand,Skidiskiscatch!Pay to bearer on demand!That's the sound they surely understand.

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In every clime and ev'ry single land.Skidiskiscatch! Skidiskiscatch!When he signs out his banking name,Hands it out to gent or dame!Ah, the whole world dances to hiscomposition, when,In the check book that he totes,He puts down his pretty notes,With his little fountain pen.(Rises)(Hopper hands check to Knopf)Notes with the dollar sign ne'er will beignored.KnopfYes, but of course,You'll indorse!(Showing where to sign)That will give more force.Hopper(Signing the check)By jove, the pen is more mighty than thesword!KnopfYes, and some dayIn my thanks you will get your pay!HopperSo I'll get your thanks, eh?KnopfYes, without a doubt.HopperCashed at all the banks, eh?KnopfYes, without a doubt.HopperWhat!KnopfYou will get it then --HopperI will get it when?

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KnopfYou bribe the teller with your littlefountain pen.(All enter)

Hopper and Knopf(Refrain. Hopper and Knopf exit L.1.E.Enter Waiter and Petrov, arch R. Dance)

Petrov(Enters)Waiter, are the Circassian dancing girlshere now?WaiterThey give a performance every evening.PetrovThanks.(Exit arch R.3.L.)

(ENTER BORIS, TATIANA, HELEN, archR.U.E.)HelenI want to hear the little Circassian sing.(ALL cross to table L. and sit. HOPPERenters arch L. followed by Ivan, enteringL. arch. Xes R.C. Waiter bus.)HopperIvan, we've got to break up that littletete-a-tete. If she ever finds out my wifehas never been in Russia, "Gongadin",help us!(ENTER KNOPF L.2.E)TatianaI thought you said, Mrs. Hopper, that theCircassians were to perform here thisevening.(KNOPF comes down C.)HelenI did expect it. Ah, Mr. Knopf Media thelittle Circassian, she will sing for us.Knopf

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(L.)Sing - I'm very sorry Madam, but she'sill.(X L.C.)

HelenIll? Why only a moment ago I wastalking to her.HopperCheck.Knopf(L.C.)Not that kind of illness, something hashappened.Hopper(R.C.)Check - check book.KnopfI'll prove by her chaperon she's ill.(Ivan enters up R. Enter Arif Arch R.)Arif, call Nashan.(Exit Arif C. to L.)I'm sorry to disappoint your Excellency.(Exits L.3.E.)

Boris(Rise)Oh, it is just as well, I'm afraid I shall notcare to hear her.TatianaAlways there rings in his ears the songmy daughter sang to him on his weddingnight.BorisHow will I ever forget her?HelenYou seem terribly cut up. Did she die?TatianaNo, she was abducted on her weddingnight.

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HelenAbducted on her wedding night. Somegirls are born lucky.(Look up at Hopper. Business. Hopperleads himself half way. Business. Hopperenters immediately.)

BorisIf I ever lay my hands on the man whostole her from me.(Ivan exits R.3.)HopperHe means me.HelenWhoever it is, I hope he suffers.HopperI'm afraid she's going to get her hope.BorisWe will join you later.(Exit Boris and Tatiana Arch L.3.E.)(Helen rises and bows to them)

HopperHelen! I just came in! Sweetheart! Aloneat last. Helen! My darling.Helen(She does not notice him but crosses R. totable. Hopper follows her with his eyes)This place if full of strangers.(Enter Knopf L.)

HopperGet out of here. Waiter.(Knopf fans him like a second in a ring)

HelenOh, don't mind him, he's only myhusband. We're semi-detached.HopperWhat's that?KnopfYou're semi-detached.

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HopperIf I'm semi-detached, you'reskidiskiscatched. That's his little game.I'll see my attorney.KnopfGet an injunction.HopperI'll get an attachment.(Knopf laughs)Laugh -- laugh! Life means nothing toyou, there's not enough of you. I wantyou to understand I love my wife.Knopf(Weeps)So do I.HopperWhat!(Takes Knopf by the neck)

KnopfMy wife.Hopper(Throws him off)Who wants to love your wife.KnopfAnd do you really expect to get adivorce?HelenWhy not. That's better than being lockedup in a Harem, isn't it? At that a Haremisn't such a bad idea for the one whoowns the Harem. As for me, if I ever domarry again--I said if --HopperYes, if --(Laughs)

KnopfYes, we heard you, if --

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HopperYes, 1 1/2 heard you.HelenYou know if I do marry again, it will beto a male Quartette.HopperWhat did she say?KnopfShe's going to marry a male quartette.HelenThink of the harmony we could live in.Hopper(Takes Knopf by the arm)Take me to a singing teacher.(They exit Arch L.)

"I WANT TO MARRY A MALEQUARTETTE"HelenThey say a woman is a weather vane,A fickle weather vane.QuartetteWeather vane.HelenShe's full of foolish whims you can'texplain,Whims that you can't explain.QuartetteCannot explain! Cannot explain!HelenShe turns from North to South and Eastto WestNorth East to South and West.QuartetteNorth East to South! South East to West.HelenTo comfort her in all directions, it wouldseem 'twere bestIf she could get,

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A chance to net,A male quartette.QuartetteA male quartette!RefrainWe'd harmonize, we'd harmonize!So sweetlyAnd so completelyIn tune and on the keyWe'd harmonize, we'd harmonize!In feeling,To some appealingSweet melody.We'd harmonize, we'd harmonize!In tempoIn some extempo,Domestic minuet,We'd harmonize, we'd harmonize, we'dharmonize!Oh, I want to marry a male quartette.Second Verse

HelenI'd have a tenor who could entertain;Oh, he could entertainQuartetteEntertain.HelenA business baritone for loss and gainHe'll watch our losses and gains.QuartetteLosses and gains, losses and gains!HelenA base cantante just for sympathy,He'll be for sympathy.QuartetteYes, he will be for sympathy.HelenAnd then a bass profundoFor profound philosophySee, I will bet, it's great to fret,A male quartette.

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QuartetteA male quartette!Refrain(At finish of number all exit L.1.E.)(Enter Helen, Boris, Tatiana, Arch L.1.E.Enter Knopf L. He goes L. to meetNashan who enters C)KnopfAh here's Nashan. She'll explaineverything. Why she won't -- can't sing.(Enter Nashan C. coming down R.C.)

HelenAh Miss. I understand that a personnamed Hopper has bribed Herr Knopf notto allow the little Circassian to sing. Ifthat is true, I will double Mr. Hopper'soffer and you and the little girl maydivide it. Is she ill?(Enter Hopper L. from L. down R.C.)NashanNo.HelenThen she will sing for us?NashanWith pleasure.HelenThank you.HopperCheck stopped.KnopfGood night.(Exit Nashan C. to L.U.E.)

HopperI'll make one more effort to save my wife.Ah Your Excellency:(He makes an extravagant bow to Boris.He falls)

Boris

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(Coming C)Ah my friend, I have not seen you sincethe embarrassing moment in front ofIzzet Pasha's Palace.HopperYes you haven't shaved since.TatianaAh Mr. Hopper I'm so glad you two havecome to a better understanding.HopperYes it is nice.HelenBut we haven't.HopperYou see I thought we had. But wehaven't. You see she wouldn't even allowme to explain. It was all a mistake.(Enter waiter arch R.U.E.)

HelenRemember I saw the check.HopperBut you were not the one I meant to hide.HelenThen who was it?HopperIt was -- it was --Boris(Stamps foot)Who was it?Hopper(Chokes)It was -- it was -- it was all a mistake.Tatiana(To waiter)Why, there is the man that was yourporter at the hotel.(Points to waiter)

Boris

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Here waiter.(Waiter comes down)You were porter at the Hotel Reich somethree weeks ago.WaiterYes.BorisDo you remember the gentleman?(Waiter looks at Hopper, he walks lame,fixes handkerchief like beard)

WaiterYes he was the nervous groom.Boris(To Helen)And this lady, was she his companion?WaiterYes. She arrived later.(Up R.C.)

BorisBut she did not arrive with him on theboat from Russia.HelenI never was in Russia all my life.Tatiana(Xs L.C.)So.HopperIt's all over.TatianaThe woman who called for you on thenight of Katinka's wedding was not yourwife.BorisThe woman that boarded that steamerwith you was my little Katinka.HopperYes, it was a rough voyage.Boris

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Then you did steal my little Katinka?HopperYes. No. Yes. No.HelenMormon.HopperI didn't steal her. I just took her.BorisI demand you tell me where you havehidden here, where is she.Hopper(Crosses to Boris)I'll make a clean breast of this wholething.Ivan(Enters R)Thaddeus.(Enter Arif L.)

(All enter)TatianaYes. I know quite well for whom hemeant to steal her.(Looks at Ivan)

Hopper(To Arif)You are dismissed from my service.ArifThen it was not she whom you wantedme hide?Hopper(Arif up R.C.)You persian rug lay down.BorisMr. Hopper, produce her within an houror you shall give me the satisfaction dueone gentleman from another.

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HopperIt's a good thing he apologized.BorisWhat do you mean?HopperI'll show you what I mean.(Starts for Boris. Knopf separates them.)

(Enter Katinka C.)(Song. Katinka sings first line of the"Heart of Song")(Boris takes off mask from Katinka)BorisKatinka. This woman is my runawaywife. She must come with me.IvanNo! No!(Katinka runs to him X R.C. He graspsher)(Enter Petrov R)

BorisBy the ancient law, she must come toRussia with me her lawful husband.(Enter Nashan C. from L.)(Enter Chorus)

Nashan(L.C.)Stop.(CHORUS EXCLAIM)I have kept silent for years. But ratherthan see this little girl suffer as did yourother wife, I speak.BorisWho is this woman?(Nashan removes veil -- looks towardPetrov R.)PetrovOlga.

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BorisMy wife.IvanMy sweetheart.(Katinka goes into his arms)

HelenMy hero.(X R.C.)

HopperMy God!(Refrain "On My Heart I Am WearingYour Photo" into Racketty Coo)

FINALE.On my heart I am wearing your photo,Because my heart, dear, is your heart intoto.And so I hold you pressed Upon mylonging breast.But I'll give you this slight intimation;Although your photo's a fair illustrationOf tender lips I have known,And the love that's my own,Still at best it's a chilly imitation;I think you'd better hurry home.Every night I hear her sing "Tweettweet!"In tones so soft and true,Then hesitate until her mateSays Rackety coo! Coo, coo, coo!Then again she'll answer, "Tweet, tweet,tweet!"Whenever I am blue,And hear an echo answer!Rackety coo, coo, rackety coo!And know that Racky-coo means you!CURTAIN

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