Kompliziert? Ja. Kunst? Nein. Handwerk? Ja. - IAIK - TU Graz · Struktur Sprache ... on the Electric Double Layer During Nickel Electrodeposition on Platinum ... three-axis navigator

1

The Craft of Scientific WritingScientific Writing

Nach Michael Alley's Buch "The Craft of Scientific Writing",

"Writing by Similarity"

Springer, 1996.

Nur für den internen IAIK-Gebrauch bestimmt.

Karl C Posch März 2004

Kompliziert? Ja.Kunst? Nein.Handwerk? Ja.

WissenschaftlicheSprache ist komplex

Wissenschaftliches Thema ist komplex

Wie geht man an ein technisches Problem heran?- definiere die Randbedingungen!

Wie schreibt man einen Text dazu?- Outline zuerst?

Karl C Posch Nur für den internen IAIK-Gebrauch 2

- Einleitung zuerst?- Bilder, Mindmap zuerst?

→ definiere die Randbedingungen zuerst!

2

InhaltTypologieyp gRandbedingungenStil

Struktur: Anfang – Mitte – Ende Übergänge, Tiefe, BetonungSprache

l h ff h


• Präzision – Klarheit – Offenheit –Einfachheit – Prägnanz - Flüssigkeit

IllustrationenPsychologie des Schreibens

1 TypologieExtended AbstractConference PaperJournal PaperThesisCorrespondenceProposalsInstructionsPresentations


Report (technical, management)Web presentationTutorialTextbook...

3

2 Die Randbedingungen

Innenwelt Außenwelt

Thema Adressaten Format

TITLE

Abstract

Innenwelt Außenwelt


Zweck Mechanik Politik

2.1 Der Zweck

InformationInformationMathematik, Netzwerke, Security, HW, SW, ...Das Ziel ist EffizienzSchlussfolgerungen zuerst

Überzeugung


ÜberzeugungLogische Argumente in überzeugender Reihenfolge

4

2.2 Die AdressatenWer liest?

Manager, Wissenschaftler, IngenieureMehrere Gruppen?

Welches Vorwissen?Welche Hintergrundinformation ist notwendig?

Warum wird gelesen?


Hat Auswirkung auf HervorhebungenWie wird gelesen?

Alles oder nur Teile, Browsing, SprintLesen

2.3 Das FormatFonts

TITLE

Abstract

SeitennummerierungRänderAbständeFormat für LiteraturangabenLänge des Dokuments


Länge des Dokuments

Normalerweise keine Freiheitsgrade für Autoren

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2.4 Die MechanikGrammatikGrammatik

Eher kurze Sätze machenZeichensetzung

Unterschiede zwischen Deutsch, Englisch und Amerikanisch

Harte Regeln und weiche Regeln


Harte Regeln und weiche RegelnNeue zusammengesetzte HauptwörterMischung von Englisch und Deutsch

2.5 Die Politik

Triviale Welt: "bleib ehrlich"Triviale Welt: bleib ehrlichReale Welt

Rechtliche SituationNicht alles darf/soll gesagt werden"Beschönigung" von Resultaten


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Analogie "SW-Entwicklung"

Funktion ist vorgegebenFunktion ist vorgegebenLook-and-Feel muss passenEinfachheitKlare Strukturierung Coding styles


Coding stylesSyntax

und wo bleibt

3

... und wo bleibt die Freiheit?


... es ist eine Frage des Stils.

7

StilwerkzeugeWas ist Stil

HervorhebungenSatzlängeWie detailliert...

El t d Stil


Elemente des StilsStrukturSpracheIllustrationen

3.1 StrukturWichtigstes Stilwerkzeugg gStrategie des AufsatzesOrganisation von Details

Tiefe der DetailsÜbergang zwischen DetailsHervorhebung von Details


Wenn die Struktur nicht stimmt, verliert man den LeserIst wichtiger als Sprache und Illustration

8

3.2 SpracheBenutzung von Wörterng

Wahl von WörternReihenfolge von Wörtern

PhrasenSätze(Absätze)Zahlen


ZahlenFormelnAbkürzungenBeispiele und Analogien

Attribute von Sprache

GenauigkeitGenauigkeitsage was du meinst

Klarheitlasse Überflüssiges weg

verwendeeinegewohnteSprache

gerade heraus


gerade herauskeine Mätzchen

Knappheitjedes Wort soll zählen

formuliereflüssig

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3.3 Illustrationen

AbbildungenAbbildungenTabellenUnd verweise im Text auf diese!


So weit, so gut

Randbedingungen StilRandbedingungen

AdressatenFormatMechanikPolitik

Stil

StrukturSpracheIllustrationen


(keine Freiheiten) ("volle" Freiheit)

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... and after is it mostly also still English ...


... und dann ist es meistens auch noch Englisch ...

4 Structure:Organizing Your Document

BeginningTitleSummary (abstract)Introduction

MiddlesSections and subsections

EndingsConclusions


ConclusionsBack Matter

• Appendix• Glossary• References

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Beginning, Middle, EndingBeginning prepares for the middle What

Define the workShow why the work was doneGive background informationReveal how the work will be presented

MiddleWhat happened in the workHow did it happenPresent results and show

WhyBackgroundMapping

WhatHow


Present results and show where they came fromExplain the meaning of the result

EndingFurther analysisOverall perspective of workFuture perspective

ResultsRelevance

What not yetWrappingFuture

4.1 Beginning

Prepare readers to understand Prepare readers to understand middleIt determines whether audience will continue readingMake-or-break situation


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Creating Titles (1/5)

Reducing the Hazards of Operations

1. Identify field of study

Nuclear power plant? AIDS?


2. Separate document from other documents3. Think of computer searching through list of titles

Creating Titles (2/5)Effects of Humidity on the Growth of ects o u d ty o t e G o t oAvalanches

Snow? Or electron avalanches?

Effects of Humidity on the Growth of


yElectron Avalanches in Electrical Gas Discharges

But why is this paper special?

13

Creating Titles (3/5)Studies on the Electrodeposition of Lead on Copper

Distinguish from other work:Effects of Rhodamine-B on theElectrodeposition of Lead on Copper

But only three or four details:


Effects of Rhodamine-B and Saccarinon the Electric Double Layer DuringNickel Electrodeposition on PlatinumStudied by AC-Cyclic Voltammetry

Creating Titles (4/5)Effects of Rhodamine-B and SaccarinEffects of Rhodamine B and Saccarinon the Electric Double Layer DuringNickel Electrodeposition on PlatinumStudied by AC-Cyclic Voltammetry

Use of AC-Cyclic Voltammetry


Use of AC Cyclic Voltammetry to Study Organic Agents in the Electrodeposition of Nickel and Platinum

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Creating Titles (5/5)Do not forget small words:g

10 MW Solar Thermal Electric CentralReceiver Barstow Power Pilot Plant Transfer Fluid Conversation Study


Proposal to Use a New Heat TransferFluid in the Solar One Power Plant

Writing Summaries (1/2)

Winston Churchill: Winston Churchill:

"Please be good enough to put your conclusions and recommendations on one sheet of paper at the very beginning of your report so that I


beginning of your report, so that I can even consider reading it."

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Writing Summaries (2/2)Scientific writing is not mystery writingStrategy

State what happened upfrontUse rest of paper to explain how it happened

Two typesDescriptive summary (descriptive abstract)

• "table of contents" in paragraph form• Can be done at the beginning of writing


• Can be done at the beginning of writingInformative summary ("extendend abstract")

• Synopsis of work• Actual results are presented• Major conclusions and recommendations of work• Independent of the paper itself

Descriptive Summary (1/2)

A N Ch i l P f Eli i ti

Can be done at before the actual paper writing

This paper introduces a new chemical process for eliminating nitrogen oxides from the exhausts ofdiesel engines. The process uses isocyanic acid,

h l d l l

A New Chemical Process for EliminatingNitrogen Oxides From Diesel Engine Exhausts


a nontoxic chemical used to clean swimming pools.In this paper, we show how well the process reducedemissions of nitrogen oxides from a laboratory dieselengine. To explain how the process works, we presenta scheme of chemical reactions.

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Descriptive Summary (2/2)

A N Ch i l P f Eli i ti

This paper describes a new inertial navigation system for mapping oil and gas wells. In this paper the mapping accuracy and speed of this

d h

A New Chemical Process for EliminatingNitrogen Oxides From Diesel Engine Exhausts


new system are compared against the mappingaccuracies and the speeds of conventional systems.

Informative Summary (1/2)

Repetition or condensation of main Repetition or condensation of main textTypically 5-10% of text lengthAlso mixtures between descriptive and informative summaries possible


p

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Informative Summary (2/2)This paper describes a new inertial navigation system that will

increase the mapping accuracy of oil wells by a factor of ten. The new system uses three-axis navigation that protects the sensors from high spin rates. The system also processes its information byKalman filtering (a statistical sampling technique) in an on-site computer. Test results show that the three-dimensional location accuracy is ±0.1 meters of well depth, an accuracy ten times greater than conventional system.

Besides mapping accuracy the inertial navigation system has


Besides mapping accuracy, the inertial navigation system has three other advantages over conventional systems. First, its three-axis navigator requires no cable measurements. Second, probe alignment in the borehole no longer causes an error in displacement. Third, the navigation process is five times fasterbecause the gyroscopes and accelerometers are protected.

4.2 Writing Introductions

What exactly is the work?

WhatWhyBackgroundMapping

Scope and limitationsWhy is the work important?

Readers need incentives to readWhat made you curious about the work?Length depends on intended audience

Background: What is needed to understand the work?Strongly depends on the intended audienceBe selective!


Be selective!Use also middle of document for further clarificationOr use separate section

Mapping: How will the work be presented?Is expected!Nice transition to middle

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Introduction: Scope


This paper presents a model to describe the electrical breakdown of a gas. We call this model the two-group model because of the similarity between the problem of gas breakdown and the problem of neutron transport in nuclear reactor physics. The two-group model is based on electron kinetics and applies to a broad range of conditions (breakdown in pure gases, for example). The model also provides a continuous picture of the initial phase of breakdown above the Townsend regime both in


initial phase of breakdown above the Townsend regime, both in structure of the breakdown and the physics of the processes. [Kundhardt and Byszewski, 1980].

Introduction: Limitations

What notWhyBackgroundMapping

In this paper, we have compared the life expectancies of threedifferent groups of people: heavy alcohol drinkers, moderatealcohol drinkers, and people who do not drink alcohol. We havenot, however, studied the social, medical, or economic makeup of these groups—three elements that could affect life expectancies much more than alcohol intake.


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Introduction: Justification (1/2)

Bad example:


This paper presents the effects of laser field statistics on coherent anti-Stokes Raman spectroscopy intensities. The importance of coherent anti-Stokes Raman spectroscopy instudying combustion flames is widely known.

Bad example:


Introduction: Justification (2/2)

Good example (bold face only on slide!):


This paper presents a design for a platinum catalytic igniterin lean hydrogen-air mixtures. This igniter has application inlight-water nuclear reactors. For example, one danger at sucha reactor is a loss-of-coolant accident, in which large quantitiesof hydrogen gas can be produced when hot water and steamreact with zirconium fuel-rod cladding and steel. In a serious

id t th l ti f h d b id th t it

Good example (bold face only on slide!):


accident, the evolution of hydrogen may be so rapid that itproduces an explosive hydrogen-air mixture in the reactorcontainment walls, allowing radiation to escape. To eliminatethis danger, one proposed method is to ignite intentionally the hydrogen-air mixture at concentrations below those for which any serious damage might result.

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Introduction: Mapping

Thi t di th ff t f k th th‘


This report discusses the effects of smoke on the earth‘s climate following a large-scale nuclear war. In the first section of the report, we present a war scenario in which 10,000 megatons of high-yield weapons detonate. The secondsection of the report then introduces assumptions for the amount of smoke produced from the resulting fires, the chemical characteristics of the smoke, and the altitudes at which the smoke initially enters the atmosphere. In the third


y psection, we present computer models that show how the smoke distributes itself in the weeks and months following the war. Finally, in the fourth section, we discuss how the earth‘s climate changes as a result of that smoke distribution.

4.3 Writing Middles

Simply presents the workSimply presents the workStrategies:

ChronologicalSpatialFlow


Cause-effect

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4.4 Writing Conclusion Sections

Expectations of readerExpectations of readerAnalysis of key results from middleFuture perspective or recommendationsTreat the results as a wholeDon't introduce new material


"Complete the circle"

Example for Conclusion Section

Th t t h d th t d i it f l These tests showed that a non-powered igniter for lean hydrogen-air mixtures is feasible, and that such an igniter could contribute to the safety of light water nuclear reactorsby igniting safe concentrations of hydrogen during aloss-of-coolant accident.


22

5 Structure:Transition, Depth, Emphasis

Transition between detailsTransition between detailsDepth of detailsEmphasis of details


5.1Transitions Between Details

Between sentences paragraphs Between sentences, paragraphs, and sectionsWhite space makes reader stopGlues togetherMapping sections


Mapping sections

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Mapping Sections

R ti l b di b th d i t d thRecreational scuba divers breathe compressed air at depthsdown to 190 feet. Breathing compressed air at these greatdepths and even at more moderate depths poses manydangers for scuba divers. These dangers are nitrogen narcosis, decompression sickness, and arterial gas embolism....

The reader is prepared for three subsections to


The reader is prepared for three subsections to follow.

Avoid Beginnings Like ...Empty beginningEmpty beginning

In medias res

Genesis

The behavior of materials in combustion systemshas considerable technological significance.

Item 12 on Drawing 5 shows the tolerance of the safe adapter.

Man has since the beginning of time attempted to acquire a greater


Man has since the beginning of time attempted to acquire a greaterand greater control over his environment. Gaining control over a situation serves not only a survival-related need, but also a psycho-logical need. Man‘s need for better control of his environment has increased greatly during and following any time of major conflict, such as World War II. This need and desire for control is evident in all technological settings, including the welding field.

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How to Begin ...

Introduce the subject of the sectionIntroduce the subject of the sectionRepeat headingOr begin with background information in order to introduce unfamiliar term of heading


g

Check out text on pages 57-59 of book

5.2 Depth of Details

Depends on lengthDepends on lengthThink of audienceThink of purpose of document


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5.3 Emphasis of DetailsReader must understand relative importance of detailsStrategy

RepetitionWordingIllustrationPlacement


Placement• Text that borders white space• Short sentence after long one• Short paragraph after long one• Don't bury important details in middle of paragraphs

Emphasizing with WordingOne of the panels on the north side of the solar receiver willp

be repainted with Solarcept during the February plant outage.

Because the February plant outage gave us time to repair thenorth side of the solar receiver, we repainted the panels withSolarcept, a new paint developed to increase absorbtivity.


Dependent clauses: because, since, as, although, when

Infinitive clauses (starts with "to"): to repair, to increase

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Emphasizing with Placement (1/2)This report uses data from both the test and evaluation andp

power production phases to evaluate the performance of theSolar One receiver. Receiver performance includes such receivercharacteristics as point-in-time steady state efficiency, averageefficiency, start-up time, operation time, operations during cloudtransients, panel mechanical supports, and tube leaks. Each ofthese characteristics will be covered in some detail in this report.

This report uses data from both the test and production


This report uses data from both the test and production phases to evaluate the performance of the Solar One receiver. In this report, we will evaluate performance by studying the receivers‘s efficiency, operation cycle, and mechanical wear.

Emphasizing with Placement (2/2)

Vertical lists emphasizeVertical lists emphasizeVertical lists disrupt readingToo many vertical lists make document appear like an outline(Long) lists tend to bury information


(Long) lists tend to bury information

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6 Language

PreciseThe right word Precise

Clear Familiar

Level of detail

Avoid needless complexityAvoid ambiguity

ToneStrong nouns and verbs

Define unfamiliar terms, use examples, analogies


Fluid

Forthright

Conciseprägnant, präzise, kurz und klar

Sentence rhythm, transitions

6.1 Being Precise (1/2)Choosing the right wordg g

weight vs. mass

Don't use synonyms

The problem centers around the drying and aging of the bloodstain.

The problem revolves around the drying andaging of the bloodstain.


Don t use synonymsDon't rely on thesaurusBe aware of connotations ("adequate", "cheap")Go in fear of absolutes ("always", "never")

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Being Precise (2/2)

Choosing the right level of detailChoosing the right level of detailStrong writing requires both general statements and specific statementsBy themselves, generalities are soon forgottenSometimes specific statements confuse


Sometimes specific statements confuse

6.2 Being ClearAvoiding needless complexityAvoiding needless complexity

Complex wordsComplex phrasesComplex sentences

Avoiding ambiguityWord choice


Word choiceSyntaxPronounsPunctuation

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Needless ComplexityKeep things simple!Keep things simple!Watch out for words with "ize" at the end and try to find simple substitutes

utilization usehas the functionability can function


finalize endfirstly firsttherewith withhitherto until nowindividualized individual

Needlessly Complex WordsThe objective of this study is to develop an effectivej y p

commercialization strategy for solar energy system by analyzing the factors that are impeding early commercial projects and by prioritizing the potential government and industry actions that can facilitate the viability of the projects.

This study will consider why current solar energy systems have not yet reached the commercial stage and will evaluate the


have not yet reached the commercial stage and will evaluate the steps that industry and government can take to make these systems commercial.

Use simple words. Keep inherent complexity in your ideas only.

30

Needlessly Complex PhrasesWatch out for stringing modifiers in front of nouns

Solar One is a 10 megawatt solar thermal electric central receiver Barstow power pilot plant.

Solar One is a solar-powered pilot plant located near Barstow, California. Solar One produces 10 megawatts of electric power by capturing solar energy in a central receiver design.


The decision will be based on economical fluid replenishment cost performance.

We will base the decision on the cost of replacing the thermal oil.

Needlessly Complex Sentences (1/4)

In scientific documents, the average , glength is often more than 30 words.In most newspapers it is less than 20 words.But, short sentences are not always the cure. You need longer sentences for variety


variety.Not long sentences, but complex sentences confuse readers.

31


The object of the work was to confirm the nature of electrical breakdown of nitrogen in uniform fields at relatively high pressures and interelectrode gaps that approach those obtained in engineering practice, prior to the determination of the processes that set the criterion for breakdown in the above-mentioned gases and mixtures in uniform and non-uniform fields of engineering significance.

At relatively high pressures (760 torr) and typical electrode


At relatively high pressures (760 torr) and typical electrode gap distances (1 mm), the electrical breakdown of nitrogen was studied in uniform fields. ...


One sentence should have one main idea.One sentence should have one main idea.Sentence should not wander.In a well-written long sentence you don‘t notice that it is long.Write your paper as if you were talking to your most important reader


your most important reader.But, this does not mean that your writing should be informal.

32


In that the “Big Bang,” currently the most credible theory about how the universe was created, explains only the creation of hydrogen and helium, we are left to theorize as to how all the other elements came into being. Having studied the nuclear reactions that constitute the life and death cycles of stars, many scientists believe therein lies the key.

The “Big Bang” is the most credible theory for the creation of


the universe. Nevertheless, the “Big Bang” explains the creation of only helium and hydrogen. What about the other elements? Many scientists believe that they arose from nuclear reactions that occur in the life and death cycles of stars.

Avoiding AmbiguityRadiometer System. Two general requirements to be met

are (1) to survive and accurately measure the radiation incident on the receiver and (2) to present the data in a form that can be used to verify computer code predictions.

Radiometer System The radiometer system for the solar

Bad transition, sentence has gaps (who or what must survive?),and, instead of 2 there are actually 3 requirements.


Radiometer System. The radiometer system for the solar receiver must meet three requirements: (1) it must accurately measure to within 5 percent the solar radiation on the receiver; (2) its electronics must survive in solar radiation as intense as 300 kilowatts per square meter; and (3) its output must be able to verify computer codes.

33

Ambiguities in SyntaxIn low water temperatures and high toxicity In low water temperatures and high toxicity

levels of oil, we tested how well the microorganisms survived.

We tested how well the microorganisms survived in low water temperatures and


survived in low water temperatures and high toxicity levels of oil.

Ambiguities in PronounsBecause the receiver presented the radiometer with a high flux

What is mounted in the container?The receiver?The radiometer?The environment?

Watch out for "it" and "this"

environment, it was mounted in a silver-plated stainless steel container.


There are no peaks in the olefinic region. Therefore, no significant concentration of olefinic hydrocarbons exist in fresh oil. This places an upper limit on the concentration of olefins, no more than 0.01 percent.

this: oil? concentration? idea of previous senctence? lack of peaks?

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Ambiguities in PunctuationAfter cooling the exhaust gases continue to expand until the

density reaches that of freestream.

When feeding a shark often mistakes undesirable food items for something it really desires.

The three elements were hydrogen, oxygen, and nitrogen.

The three elements were hydrogen oxygen and nitrogen


In our study, we examined neat methanol, neat ethanol, methanol and 10 percent water and ethanol and 10 percent water.

The three elements were hydrogen, oxygen and nitrogen.

how many fuels?

6.3 Being Forthright

Controlling tone

offen, ehrlich,gerade heraus

Controlling toneAvoiding pretentious wordsAvoiding arrogant phrasesAvoiding silliness

Choosing strong nouns and verbs


35

Avoiding Pretentious WordsPseudo-intellectualityWrong use of "interface"(e.g. people or groups don't interface :-)Wrong use of "implement"(put into effect, carry out)"manufacturability" (can manufacture)"utilize", "utilization" (use)


The elevated temperatures of the liquid propellant fuel facilitated an unscheduled irrevocable disassembly.

The higher temperatures caused the liquid propellant to explode.

Avoiding Arrogant Phrases"as is well known, .…" "unambiguous"

"of course …""clearly demonstrate"

As is well known, the use of gaseous insulation is becoming increasingly more widespread, with gases such as air and sulphur hexafluoride featuring prominently. There has been some discussion of using gas mixtures like nitrogen and sulphur

"it is obvious"


hexafluoride, and of course nitrogen is the major constituent of air.

The results clearly demonstrate the ability of Raman spectroscopy to provide unambiguous chemical compound identifications from oxides as they grow on a metal surface.

36

Avoiding Silliness

Avoid clichésAvoid clichés"come up to speed""touch base with you""knock heads together""!"


"greatest thing since sliced bread"

I am in search of a meaningful growth position, and your company is a gateway to the highest professional levels and beyond ...

Strong Nouns and Verbs

Most important wordsMost important wordsNouns: stepping stonesVerbs: provide momentum


37

Strong NounsThe existing nature of Mount St. Helens' volcanic ash spewage

nature ?spewage (no noun at all, comes from "spew")usecapabilities

g p gwas handled through the applied use of computer modeling capabilities.


Crisp, more direct.Nouns provide images to the reader.

With Cray computers, we modeled how much ash spewed from Mount St. Helens.

Concrete Nouns and Abstract Nouns

Concrete nouns provide images to the Concrete nouns provide images to the readerReducing amount of abstract nouns strengthens your writingTypical weak nouns:

bilit i t


ability environmentapproach factorcapability natureconcept parameter

38

Abstract NounsMake abstract nouns concreteMake abstract nouns concrete

"method""criteria"

This study considered three methods for detecting plastic explosives in airline baggage: ion mobility spectrometry, x-ray backscatter, and thermal neutron activation. To evaluate these


three methods, we used four criteria: cost of the method, effectiveness of the method at identifying a plastic explosive, speed of the method at processing baggage, and ease of use for the method.

Strong Verbsmade the arrangement for arranged

d th d i i d id dmade the decision decidedmade the measurement of measuredperformed the development of developed

The human immune system is responsible not only for the identification of foreign molecules, but also for actions leading to th i i bili ti t li ti d d t ti

Sentence sits:


their immobilization, neutralization, and destruction.

The human immune system not only identifies foreign molecules, but also immobilizes, neutralizes, and destroys those molecules.

Sentence moves:

39

Buried Verbs Slow Downis beginning beginsi f ll i f llis following followsis shadowing shadowsis used to detect detects

The distance between the electrodes is dependent on the pressure environment and the result of metal corrosion.

The distance between the electrodes depends on the gas d th l t d ´ i


pressure and the electrodes corrosion.

Use of "is" as equal sign only:A positron is a positively charged electron produced in the

beta decay of neutron-deficient nuclides.

Wrong Use of Passive VoiceSlows downReduces efficiencyLifeless, dead words

The feedthrough was composed of a sapphire optical fiber, which was pressed against the pyrotechnic that was used to confine the charge.

The feedthrough contained a sapphire optical fiber, which d i t th t h i th t t i d th h


pressed against the pyrotechnic that contained the charge.

On the second day of our wildebeest study, one of the calves wandered just a few yards from the herd and was attacked by wild dogs.

But: (calve is focus of paragraph)

40

Wrong Use of Passive VoiceA new process for eliminating nitrogen oxides from diesel p g g

exhaust engines is presented. Flow tube experiments to test this process are discussed. A chemical reaction scheme to account for this process is proposed.

This paper presents a new process for eliminating nitrogen oxides form the exhaust of diesel engines. To test this process, we performed experiments in flow tubes. To explain this process,


we developed a scheme of chemical reactions.

But Be Careful

The voltage was given on the oscilloscopeThe voltage was given on the oscilloscope.

The oscilloscope displayed the voltage. (comfortable)

The oscilloscope measured the voltage. (marginal)


p g ( g )

The oscilloscope calculated the voltage. (uncomfortable)

41

Use of "I" and "We" (1/2)

As long as emphasis stays on the As long as emphasis stays on the work, it is OKDon't use too oftenUnnatural phrases:

It was determined that...


It was decided that...It was attributed to...

Use of "I" and "We" (2/2)In that an effort to identify a specific control circuit y p

responsible for the failure of the gear box was unsuccessful, it was determined appropriate to resurvey the collector field for torque tube damage.

Because we could not locate the control circuit responsible for the gear box failure, we surveyed the collector field again for damage to the torque tubes.


Reserve for situations where your role is importantAvoid putting "I" at the beginning of a sentenceSome editors don't like "I" and "we"!

42

6.4 Being Familiar

Avoiding unfamiliar termsAvoiding unfamiliar termsDefining unfamiliar termsIncorporating examples and analogies


Avoiding Unfamiliar Terms

Simplest: avoid themSimplest: avoid themPossibly avoid abbreviations, slang, jargon


43

Defining Unfamiliar TermsIntroduce abbreviations only if used oftenIntroduce abbreviations only if used oftenDefine abbreviation

at first appearance of term,or maybe later, when term is used frequently only later in the paper

AIDS, DNA ?


S,May be used in titles, summariesBut still should be defined for completeness sake somewhere in the document

Use Examples and Analogies (1/2)

Two of the best tools for explaining unfamiliar conceptsAnchor general statements with examples

Since the design of the Solar One Power Plant, significant advances have occurred in solar energy technology.

Since the design of the Solar One Power Plant, significant advances have occurred in solar energy technology. For

l i t l t t h h th t i lt lt


Examples are what people remember

example, experimental tests have shown that using molten salt, rather than water, as the heat transfer fluid could increase overall system efficiency from 17 percent to 25 percent.

44

Use Examples and Analogies (2/2)

Cited from Feynman:

If you were standing at arms´s length from someone and you had one percent more electrons than protons, the repelling force would be incredible. How great? Enough to lift the Empire State Building? No. To loft Mount Everest? No. The repulsion would be enough to lift a weight equal to that of the entire earth.

Cited from Feynman:


... see also other examples by Einstein (train and dropping a stone), and Freud (ego and id: rider and horse).

6.5 Being Concise

Follows from being clear and being

prägnant,präzise,kurz und klar

Follows from being clear and being forthrightHow to "cut fat:"

Eliminating redundanciesEliminating writing zeroes


Reducing sentences to simplest formsEliminating bureaucratic waste

45

Eliminating Redundancies(already) existing introduced (a new)( lt ti ) h i i (t th )(alternative) choices mix (together)at (the) present (time) never (before)(basic) fundamentals none (at all)(completely) eliminate now (at this time)(continue) to remain period (of time)(currently) being (private) industry(currently) underway (separate) entities(empty) space start (out)


Catch while revisingRead with policy "no additions allowed"

(e pty) space sta t (out)had done (previously) (still) persists

Eliminating Writing ZeroesIt is interesting to note that over 90 incidents of satellite g

fragmentations have produced over 36,000 kilograms of space debris.

The requirements to be met for the detection system of plastic explosives include a detection rate of at least 95 percent and a false alarm rate of less than 5 percent.


If not interesting, then leave detail away; if interesting, then omit phraseAre there requirements not to be met?

46

Other Typical ZeroesAs a matter of factAs a matter of factI might add thatIt is noteworthy thatIt is significant thatIt should be pointed out that


The course ofThe fact thatThe presence of

Example33 words:

Vibration measurements made in the course of the missile´s flight test program were complicated by the presence ofintense high-frequency excitation of the vehicle shell structureduring the re-entry phase of the flight.

19 words:

Vibration measurements made during the missile´s flight


g gwere complicated by intense high-frequency excitation of the vehicle shell during re-entry.

47

Reducing Sentences to Simplest Forms

Fat phrase Reductionp

at this point in time nowat that point in time thenhas the ability to canhas the potential to canin the light of the fact that because


in the event that ifin the vicinity of nearowing to the fact that becausethe question as to whether whetherthere is no doubt but that no doubt

Cutting Needless Adjectives

37 words:

The objective of our work is to obtain data that can be used in conjunction with a comprehensive chemical kinetics modeling study to generate a detailed understanding of the fundamental chemical processes that lead to engine knock.

37 words:

26 words:


Our goal is to obtain experimental data that can be used with a chemical kinetics model to explain the chemical processes that lead to engine knock.

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Cutting Needless Adverbs

(somewhat) unique(somewhat) unique(somewhat) perfect(very) importantDepends (very heavily)( th d t il d) d t di


(rather detailed) understanding

Example

31 words:

The achievement of success in these advanced technologies depends very heavily on a rather detailed understanding of the complex processes that govern the velocities in the unburned gases prior to combustion.

31 words:

18 words:


The success of these advanced technologies depends on understanding the velocities in the unburned gases prior to combustion.

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Nouns Containing VerbsDon‘t attract needless adjectives and adverbsj

The establishment of a well proven, well documented, rational methodology for making precise velocity measurements in the unburned gas has been realized and is being used extensively to aid in the development of numerical models, which in turn are used in the design of advanced piston engines.

45 words:


27 words:

We have found a method to measure velocity in the unburned gas, and with this method, we are developing numerical models that will help design advanced piston engines.

Needless Passive Verbs

It was then concluded that a second complete solar mirror field corrosion survey should be conducted in July to determine whether the tenfold annual corrosion rate projection was valid and to allow determination as to whether subsequent corrective measures would be effective in retarding corrosion propagation

85 syllables:


61 syllables:

To see whether the corrosion rate would increase tenfold as projected and to see whether stowing the mirrors in a vertical position would slow the rate, we decided to survey the solar mirror field a second time in July.

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Eliminating Bureaucratic Waste

Look at paragraphs and sectionsLook at paragraphs and sectionsWasteful management writingNouns like

"target""parameter"


p"development"

6.6 Being FluidVarying sentence rhythmsVarying sentence rhythms

Varying sentence openersVarying sentence lengthsVarying sentence structureVarying paragraph lengths

Eliminating discontinuities


at g d sco t u t esMaking transitions between ideasEliminating needless complex typographyIncorporating equations

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Varying Rhythm

Mount St Helens erupted on May 18 1980 A cloud of hot Mount St. Helens erupted on May 18, 1980. A cloud of hot rock and gas surged northward from its collapsing slope. The cloud devastated more than 500 square kilometers of forests and lakes. The effects of Mount St. Helens were well documented with geophysical instruments. The origin of the eruption is not well understood. Volcanic explosions are driven by a rapid expansion of steam. Some scientists believe the steam comes from groundwater heated by magma. Other


scientists believe the steam comes from water originally dissolved in the magma. We have to understand the source of steam in volcanic eruptions. We have to determine how much water the magma contains.

Varying Sentence OpenersSubject-Verb Mount St. Helens erupted on May 18, 1980.

Prepositional Phrase Within minutes, the cloud devastated morethan 500 square kilometers of forests and lakes.

Transition Words Recently, debate has arisen over the sourceof the steam.

Introductory Clause Although the effects of the eruption werewell documented, the origin is not well understood.

Infinitive Phrase T d t d th f t i


Infinitive Phrase To understand the source of steam in volcanic eruptions, we have to determine howmuch water the magma contains.

Participial Phrase Its slope collapsing, the mountain emitteda cloud of hot rock and gas.

Verb (Question) Is it groundwater heated by magma or wateroriginally dissolved in the magma itself?

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Example

Mount St Helens erupted on May 18 1980 Its slope Mount St. Helens erupted on May 18, 1980. Its slope collapsing, the mountain emitted a cloud of hot rock and gas. Within minutes, the cloud devastated more than 500 square kilometers of forests and lakes. Although the effects of the eruption were well documented, the origin is not well understood. Volcanic explosions are driven by a rapid expansion of steam. Recently, debate has arisen over the source for the steam. Is it groundwater heated by the magma or water


originally dissolved in the magma itself? To understand the source of steam in volcanic explosions, we have to determine how much water the magma contains. [Eichelberger, 1983]

Varying Sentence Lengths

On the morning of May 18 a strong earthquake shook Mount On the morning of May 18, a strong earthquake shook Mount St. Helens, causing the volcano´s cracked and steepened north side to slide away. Photographs taken during these early seconds, together with other information, showed that the blast originated 500 meters beneath a bulge on the north face. Photographs and time of destruction of a seismic station established the velocity of the blast to be about 175 meters per second. Of significance, the volume of new magmatic material


Average should be below 20 words.

ejected in the blast (about 0.1 km3) equals the volume of the bulge.

Monotonous lengths: 24 – 25 – 22 - 22

53

Sentence Lengths (1/2)

Try to keep your average length in Try to keep your average length in the teensChange your sentence length often, at least every two or three sentences


Occasionally use a short or long sentence

Sentence Lengths (2/2)

On the morning of May 18 a strong earthquake shook Mount On the morning of May 18, a strong earthquake shook Mount St. Helens, causing the volcano's cracked and steepened north side to slide away. Photographs showed that the blast began beneath a bulge on the north face. These photographs, when coupled with other information, established the depth of the blast´s origin to be 500 meters and the velocity of the blast to be 175 meters per second. The measured volume of the ejected magmatic material was about 0.1 km3. This volume equals the


volume of the bulge.

Lengths: 24 – 13 – 31 – 11 - 8

54

Varying Sentence Structure

Simple sentencesp

Compound sentences

Lava from a nonexplosive eruption ordinarily contains only 0.2 percent water.

Precursor activity to the eruption began on March 20, 1980, andmany times during the next two months the mountain shook for minutes.


Complex sentencesAlthough the amount of devastation caused by the May 18 blast was a surprise, the eruption itself had been expected for weeks.

Varying Paragraph LengthsGroup of connected sentences that conveys a group of connected ideasEnd of sentence: "stop sign"End of paragraph: "traffic light red"Length is measured in number of linesShort paragraphs: 1-7 linesLong paragraphs: more than 14


g p g pUse 7-14 with occasional short or long paragraphBut length also depends on format

55

Eliminating Discontinuities

Smooth transition between Smooth transition between sentences and paragraphsDiscontinuities arise from

Poor transitions between ideasNeedlessly complex typography


Poor transitions between text and equations

Transitions Between IdeasThe Cascade Range, with its prominent chain of towering cones, i t th l th t i l i i i th t U it d is not the only threatening volcanic region in the western United States. Many people who live in the eastern Sierra Nevada community of Mammoth Lakes, California, may have been unaware until recently that their scattered hills and ridges have a remarkably recent volcanic origin as well.

Th C d R ith it i t h i f t i

Needs a better tie between the two sentences:


The Cascade Range, with its prominent chain of towering cones, is not the only threatening volcanic region in the western United States. The Mammoth Lakes area of the Sierra Nevada also has a recent volcanic origin.

56

Transitional Words

Continuation Pause ReversalContinuation Pause Reversal

also for instance howevermoreover for example on the other handfirst...second...third in other words conversely


Logical Gaps

The Cascade Range with its prominent chain of towering cones The Cascade Range, with its prominent chain of towering cones, is not the only threatening volcanic region in the western United States. The Mammoth Lakes area of the Sierra Nevada also has a recent volcanic origin.

Where is Sierra Nevada?Where is the Cascade Range?


The Cascade Range, with its prominent chain of towering cones, is not the only threatening volcanic region in the western United States. Farther south, the Mammoth Lakes area of the Sierra Nevada also has a recent volcanic origin.

57

Needless Complex Typography

e.g. for examplee.g. for examplefig. figureFORTRAN Fortran19 nineteen$13,000,000 $13 million


etc.et al.i.e.

7 Illustration: Making the Right Choices

Choosing tablesChoosing tablesChoosing figures

GraphsPhotographsDrawings


58

Illustration: Creating the Best Designs

Being preciseBeing preciseBeing clearBeing fluidBeing familiar


8 Actually Sitting Down to Write

Getting in the moodGetting in the moodWriting first draftsRevising, revising, revisingFinishing


59

Writing Is Hard Work

ConcentrationConcentrationPatienceInexact solutionsMany revisions neededOften lonely work


Often lonely workDemands energy

Strong Scientific Writing

demands imaginationdemands imaginationThink as "audience"Become critic of your own work

F i B


Francis Bacon: "Reading maketh you a full man,conference a ready man, and writing an exact man."

60

8.1 Start Me Up

What to write aboutWhat to write aboutIdea for a proposalResults from your work

Understand your constraintsIdea about format, e.g. length


, g gPressure from supervisor And all those many distractions

Getting Into the Mood

Requires preparationRequires preparationDisciplined schedule (?)Clear your mind

Put aside personal problemsHemmingway started to write in the


g yearly morning after eight hours of sleepMotion: walking, running, mowing lawn

61

Getting Into the Mood (cont'd)

Block of free timeBlock of free timeOne to four hoursShut door, unplug the phone, ..."white noise" is OKDeposit computer games in the trash


Prepare mentally for task ahead

8.2 Writing First Drafts (1/3)

Beginning IS difficultBeginning _IS_ difficultPencil or computer

How to get words onto paper

Outline?Mix of structure and also parts of sentences, maybe also transitional phrases


maybe also transitional phrasesClean up outline for supervisor

Try to get a "strong outline"

62

Writing First Drafts (2/3)Rabbit's approachRabbit s approach

Hate first draftsWrite down everything and anythingFinish as quickly as possibleRotten text, but they at least got something

Turtle's approach


u t e s app oacTurtles are patientProceed methodicallyMake only "perfect" sentences

Writing First Drafts (3/3)

Where to start?Where to start?Be a rabbit on first draft of introductionThen write discussion and conclusion at normal pace


pThen rewrite introduction

63

How to Keep MomentumSet realistic goalsSet realistic goals

Rabbit: 5 pagesTurtle: 1 page

End sitting by writing into next sectionWatch what you eatStore draft under a separate file name


Store draft under a separate file nameDon't cut time while writing first draft

Writer's BlockCan't think of the right word

Write down the name of someone and keep going

Can't find sentences to express an ideaHave you completely understood the idea?Skip two lines and keep writing, it'll pop up

You hear voices, critical voicesDrown the voices with music

S i tifi iti i h i l th


Scientific writing is more mechanical than inspirationalThere is no such thing as writer's blockThere are only blocks in science and engineering

64

8.3 Revising, Revising, Revising

Key to strong scientific writingKey to strong scientific writingFirst: obtain some distance from draftChange your personality

Chisel and polish

Become a good readerListen to other good readers


Listen to other good readersWork hard on your critics of other people's documentsBe specific with strengths and weaknesses

Revising, Revising, RevisingChange the look of your documentg yTry to work through large chunks in each sitting

For smoothnessGet some distance between each revisionRead your text aloud


Solicit criticism of your writingNot too many readers, though.

Stop. There is no perfection in writing. Only success.

65

8.4 Finishing

Thankless workThankless workTypos, missing words, misspelled words, ...


9 Help from ...


66

10 Some links to start withhttp://writing.eng.vt.edu/workbooks/intro.html#audiencehttp://pubs.acs.org/subscribe/journals/ci/31/special/02sb_inet.htmlhttp://www.library.adelaide.edu.au/guide/sci/Generalsci/sciwrit.htmlhttp://owl.english.purdue.eduhttp://www.monroecc.edu/depts/library/cover.htmhttp://www.wisc.edu/writing/Handbook/index.htmlhttp://stipo.larc.nasa.gov/sp7084/index.html


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