(KSAVE NewsletterNovember 15th, 2010 Kirkwood Sexual Assault
Violence Education)
( Left to Right: Chris, Jennifer, Ashley, MindySTAFF CONTACT
INFORMATIONJennifer Upah, AdvisorCertified Sexual Assault
CounselorTEXT number [email protected] Pfab,
PresidentPeer support [email protected]
Hawkins, Vice PresidentChris Soenen, Secretary) (“There is a Light
at the end of the tunnel. You may not see it now, but you will.”As
I started my healing process, there was a program to provide
advocacy and support to the Deaf who had experienced sexual abuse.
There were only two women that ran the program, and the program
director left shortly after I started my healing process. Then
there was only one woman. That woman was me. I became and still am
the program director for Deaf Iowans Against Abuse. With this being
the only program that could help me, I realized the only person
that could help myself, was me. There was no one else. I had to
learn to focus on the light ahead, and trust that what I was told
was true. This was why KSAVE was started- because I do not want
anyone, either Deaf or hearing to go alone. I want to hold that
light and to offer support for both Deaf and Hearing individuals
who experienced sexual assault, until they can see the light for
themselves. Whether you have a belief in a higher power or not, as
the advisor for KSAVE, my staff and I want to help our survivors
along their journey. We want to be there for you. To Empower you.
To guide you in finding your Light. You are not alone. No one
should ever go through this process alone. We are here for you, so
search hard into your soul and allow yourself to reach out. Trust
that at KSAVE, you will be understood, accepted, and most
importantly, never alone again. ~ Jennifer Upah ~ ) (Advocate
ResponseAdvocates from your local sexual assault program can be
accessed whether or not your friend chooses to report. Advocates
can be helpful to friends and family members of victims. Advocates
are trained to be with victims at the hospital, go the law
enforcement station, accompany victims to court hearings, provide
individual and group counseling, and provide you with specific
information about sexual assault. Whether your friend decides to
report, getting in touch with your local sexual assault program can
be a very important and helpful step in healing.) (“There is light
at the end of the tunnel”The day my ex-husband wanted a divorce, my
world fell apart. That was also the day my life truly began. At
that time I didn’t know myself as a woman. I didn’t know who
Jennifer was. I realized I didn’t have a relationship with God,
thus I was incapable of loving myself. For the sake of my children,
who are my world, I needed to heal. I needed to forgive both myself
and the ones who had hurt me. At that moment of realization, I
decided it was time for some soul searching and to dig deep into my
heart and find myself. I already knew that I was a victim of
childhood sexual abuse by five young boys. It became clear to me
that I needed to heal from these wounds caused by the abuse I had
endured. I soon learned that this was a process of forgiveness,
acceptance, and understanding, yet the “process” was scary. The
journey was the most horrible, yet, the best thing that has
happened to me. During my separation I was told, “There is a light
at the end of the tunnel. You may not see it now, but you will.” As
I began my journey the light was dark and distant. But, as my
wounds began to heal, the light became brighter and closer. Just a
few weeks ago, I was in Utah at the Justice for Deaf Victims
National Coalition conference. While doing some sightseeing with my
group of wonderful friends, I lifted my eyes to glance at the
beautiful mountains that God had created, and there- I saw the
Light. I realized at the moment- it’s okay to Laugh. It’s okay to
Dance. It’s okay to be ME. That VERY moment was complete: I am a
survivor. I now know who I am as a woman. I am a proud Deaf woman.
A born again Christian. A Mom. A Volunteer. A Teacher. An Advocate.
A Proud survivor of everything in my life. I began this journey of
soul searching 3 years ago, and every day I gain more strength,
faith, and trust in God and myself. This journey has been the most
amazing and spiritual journey.) (Volume: #1, Issue #1) (Officer
Here) (Delete text and insert image here)
(ActHelp your friend identify support systems and provide
information on local crisis or mental health providers.• You may
accompany your friend to the hospital or the Law Enforcement
station. With permission from your friend, enlist other friends and
family to help.Stay with your friend through the healing
process.Don’t pressure your friend to resume sexual relationships
until she/he is ready. This may take some time.) (Now that you
know, what can you do?SupportAvoid treating your friend like a
helpless victim.Healing takes time. Respect your friend’s pace and
be patient.Accept your friend’s decision whether to report the
assault and/or to cooperate with the prosecution.Help your friend
with plans, but don’t make decisions for her/him.Respect your
friend’s right to tell or not tell others about the assault.Only
give advice if and when your friend asks for it.EducateRemind your
friend that sexual assault is a crime and is never the victim’s
fault.Remind your friend that millions of people have experienced
sexual assault and that she/he is not alone.) (Survivor’s WallThere
was no one “magic thing” that made dealing with my abuse any
easier. For me, it was an effort of a lot of little things. It was
one day at a time. One step at a time.One step at a time seemed too
slow some days but all these small steps eventually added up into
making each day a little bit easier to handle.I remember in the
beginning holding so much shame, self hatred, guilt, and anger
against myself, my abusers, my family, and the justice system. That
eventually cycled into all of those negative emotions being
reflected onto the world. I isolated myself from my friends, became
disinterested in the things that I held dear to my heart, and
slowly began to lose myself. I was a shell. An angry, hateful shell
of a woman. I soon realized the only person I was hurting was
myself.That was the beginning of my healing. I was told from day
one that it was going to be a “process.” A term that I didn’t like
to hear, as that meant I was just along for the ride. At least,
that’s what I thought. I began with time to realize that I had
control over my life, my actions, and what I chose to do with the
pain that I felt.The woman that I first expressed this pain to is a
woman I hold extremely dear to my heart. She helped me to see that
not only was I strong, BUT I survived. I am a SURVIVOR. The first
time, and not all that long ago, I expressed those words out loud,
and that day my heart let go of some of that pain. I was worried
that by identifying myself as a “survivor” that I would thus be
identifying and somehow be forever linked to my abusers. I realize
now that by identifying myself as a survivor I am empowered. I am
not linked to my abusers more by identifying myself as a survivor
but rather I put more space between myself and him as I gain
strength. Empowerment is huge. I want to stress how important this
is for each and every person, and the fact that empowerment will
look different to each and every individual. In fact, by putting my
name on this letter- thus identifying myself as a victim, I am
EMPOWERED. You as readers are walking my journey alongside me, as
this is the first time I will have “come out of the closet”, if you
will.That’s what I’m hoping to offer each and every person that
reads this newsletter. Empowerment. To let you know that there are
people that understand the emotions, that understand how you feel,
and that can help support you along the way. The first time I
talked was the scariest moment of my life, but was the day I truly
could say I was healing. The day I knew my life had begun again. So
please, reach out for help. Send me an email, or call me up on the
phone. I’m here for each and every person. I have had training in
dealing with sexual assault and am a certified group facilitator so
I am able to form support groups etc. Although I do not have a
formal certification for counseling, I can still be a great
resource, as I have been there first hand, and experienced similar
feelings.~ Mindy Pfab ~) (Every month, the “survivor corner” of the
newsletter will be a special part that will be filled with personal
recovery stories, inspirational quotes, useful recovery and self
care tips, inspiring poems and artwork, healing information, and
more. This part will be made up of contributions from our readers.
Keep in mind that there is not a bar on what can be contributed, as
each person is in their own stage of the “process.”We will have the
newsletter posted in several areas. You can find it on Facebook on
“ksave kirkwood” or you can find us at www.ksave.wordpress.com. If
you would like to express your emotions, tell your stories, or
respond to something you heard or read, please leave out any names
or personal information you wouldn’t want shared. Everything
expressed, as well as anything spoken to the officers will be kept
in confidence. We PROMISE that everything stays confidential. So
with that we leave this in your hands. We hope this newsletter will
help you wherever you’re at in your healing process.) (Abbe Center
520 11th Street NW Cedar Rapids (319) 398-3562Area Substance Abuse
Council 3601 16th Avenue SW Cedar Rapids (319) 390-4611First Call
for Help Cedar Rapids 739-4211Foundation II Crisis Line 1714
Johnson Ave NW Cedar Rapids (319) 362-2174Jane Boyd Community House
943 14th Avenue SE Cedar Rapids (319) 398-3375Linn County Public
Health Dept 501 13th Street NW Cedar Rapids (319) 892-6000
[email protected] Phillips DV Shelter 318 5th Street SE
Cedar Rapids 24-Hour Crisis Line (319) 363-2093 or (800)
208-0388Rape ResourcesSexual Assault/Rape Crisis Line Waypoint 318
5th St SE Cedar Rapids (319) 363-5490 (800) 208-0389Rape Victim
Advocacy Program (800) 284-7821National Domestic Violence Hotline
(800) 799-SAFERape, Abuse & Incest National Network (800)
656-HOPEIowa Sexual Abuse Hotline (800) 284-7821Rape Victim
Advocacy Program 320 South Linn Street Iowa City (319) 335-6000
http://www.uiowa.edu/~rvapWomen's Resource & Action Ctr. /
University of Iowa .Iowa City (319) 335-1486Deaf Iowans Against
Abuse (DIAA) Jennifer Upah, Program Director Crisis Hotline
515-867-8177(text only)) (Like an old diary covershriveled and
tornstripped from her feelings of past….she hides them inside of
her.they just lie there.eaten away at with pain.soon that
spark,will become a flameAnd she’ll write her emotionsOnce againBut
in a new light-Mindy PfabEverything has its wonders, even darkness
and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be
content. Helen Keller) (Survivors Corner) (Delete text andinsert
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or quote here.) (Delete box or add photo caption here. ) (Volume:
#1, Issue #1) (Use this area for bullet point call outs.Use this
area for bullet point call outs.Use this area for bullet point call
outs.Use this area for bullet point call outs.Use this area for
bullet point call outs.) (NEWSLETTER HEADLINE HERE) (Volume: #1,
Issue #1) (November 15th, 2010) (Date: Month Day, Year) (Volume:
#1, Issue #1)
