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in LoveWhat does it mean?
love's sweet mysterieslanguage of poets, romantic novels
and mystics, art and musicdescriptive of its exquisite
rhapsodiesit is in the realm of the unknowable ,
the unimaginabletoo large, too deep to be limited by
the framework of words
Love as a Human emotion
needs to be unpacked as part of the repertoire of human behaviour
much more than feelinglove is volitionalhas the potential to be misused and
abusedcomplex and amorphous human
experience
Love – a misused english word !
love God – love mud cakelove the bush – love my wifesacrificial lovemaking lovelove your enemyfalling in love
Love deified!
uniquely religious connotationGod is Love ……Love is Godis the ‘summumbonum’“human loves that become gods do not
remain loves although still called so” (C.S.Lewis)
such loves become demonsdiscounted by the empirical sciencessacrilegious to dissect
What is Love
Eros
Storge
Philia
Philanthropia
Agape
Storge - affection
parenting instinct independent of biological sex
taken for granted and can ‘rub along’paradox of ‘need-love’ and ‘gift-love’desperate desire and demand for lovethreatened by changedestructive violation of boundaries
Philia - friendshipleast natural, least instinctive and uninquisitiveexalted in ancient/medieval times: trivialized in
some contemporary societiesthe focus is not the individual but a common
intentprovides mutual affirmation and companionshipoffers emotional and physical supportpotential to create dependence and unrealistic
expectations school of virtue or vice
Eros-love of partner
sex- a legitimate expectationphysical closenessmutual pleasuring highly valueddegrees of exclusivenessdepth of emotional sharingcommitment to parentingtrust and riskrisk of ‘fusion illusion’
Philanthropia – love of humanity
awareness of our brotherhood/sisterhoodacceptance/validation of differencedivergent thinking and open dialoguegenuine concern for oppressed, deprived
marginalizedcommitment to action and reconcliationdangers of bias and stereotypingmanipulation for personal gain and reward
Agape – Divine Love
God’s love of humankind and the cosmoshuman loves at best can only be glorious
images of Agapeit is something humans can strive towards
but never quite get to ‘in this life’
LOVE OF SELF
self worth, self esteem, self efficacyautonomous selfcare for selfdiscovering one’s unique potentialawareness of strengths and weaknessesmaking growth oriented choicesbased on self sufficiency not deficiencyrisks of self centeredness and narcissism
Academic study of lovethe human race is programmed to fall in lovewhy we fall in love and how we fall in loveromantic love is universal as well as a many
splendoured body languagefalling in love with love stimulated by brain
chemicals – phenylethylamine (PEA), dopamine
similarities between love and obsessive-compulsive disorder- serotonin imbalance
Triangular theory of love
INTIMACY PASSION
COMMITMENT
LOVE
Love as socially constructed is composed of certain thoughts, feelings and actions
[Sternberg, 1989]
INTIMACYclosenesstrustrespect, high regardbondednessconnectednesscompanionshipsharing
PAssion
desireromanceattraction, physical affectionaffiliationsexual interaction
COMMITMENT
decisionboundary settinginvestmentgoal settingchoicepowerpositive interactions
INTERACTIVE MODEL
love is to be found at the intersection of these components; it is a complex whole
differ in terms of their propertiesdiffer in terms of stability and predictabilitydiffer in terms of control and awarenessdiffer over time within a single relationshipdiffer across relationships at a given timediffer in terms of psycho-physiological
involvement
True love?
BEING LOVE
freedom
responsibility
space
trust
empowering
letting go
DEFICIENCY LOVE
demanding
possession
jealousy
resentment
manipulation
dependence
FINAL WORDs!to love is to be vulnerablelove is much more than an enthusiastic emotionlove is learned and maintained through
ceaseless practicelove cannot be bought or soldlove cannot be weighed or measuredlove cannot be captured or heldlove is about making choicesto be loved you must be lovable
Falling in love is one of the greatest risks any one of us can take. There is no safety net for this high-flying circus act. You rely on the other guy in Spandex to be there to grab your hands mid air. Sometimes they are just not up to it. Or the timing is all wrong. Or they are off with the sword-thrower’s assistant. So you better start learning to flap
Kathleen Noonan –Courier Mail’
Thank You [email protected]