Leader Guide My Awbs

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Leader Guide


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2006, 2010 b

Gry D. C

Leader Guide to Te Marriage Youve Always Wanted Bible Studyis the companion guide to Te

Marriage Youve Always Wanted Bible Study, which was oiginall published as Building Relationships:

A Discipleship Guide or Married Couples1995 Ga Chapman. Lifewa Pess.

All ights eseved. No pat of this guide ma be epoduced in an fom without pemission in

witing fom the publishe, except in the case of bief quotations embodied in citical aticles o

eviews.

All Sciptue quotations, unless othewise indicated, ae taken fom the Hol Bible, New

Intenational Vesion, NIV. Copight 1973, 1978, 1984 b Biblica, Inc. Used b pemission of

Zondevan. All ights eseved woldwide.

Sciptue quotations maked j ae taken fom the King James Vesion.


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Welcome ................................................................................................. 4

Session 1: Intoduction ............................................................................. 8

Session 2: Enhancing M Convesation with God .................................. 11

Session 3: Enhancing M Convesation with M Spouse ........................ 13

Session 4: Leaning to Fogive ................................................................ 16

Session 5: Developing M Seve ............................................................. 19

Session 6: Becoming Fiends with M Feelings ....................................... 21

Session 7: Leaning to Listen .................................................................. 24

Session 8: Leaning to Love .................................................................... 26

Session 9: Leaning to Agee .................................................................. 29

Session 10: Developing a Positive Response to Ange ............................. 31

Session 11: Leaning the Minist of Intecession ................................... 34

Session 12: Making Mone an Asset to Maiage .................................... 36

Session 13: Developing Mutual Sexual Fulllment ................................. 39

Tab L e of ConT enT s


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L e ader Gu id e

WHERE DO WE BEGIN?

As a lead couple, become familia with the Bible Stud. Pages 68 povide a clea

statement of the obectives and the methods of eaching these obectives. Te table

of contents povides a pictue of the aeas of gowth ou and the othe couples in

ou goup will exploe. Scan each chapte to get an idea of how each subect is

teated.

Note that each weeks basic fomat includes:

Opening Activit

Bible Stud Leaning Execise

Sciptue Memo

Dail Convesation with God

Shaing ime with M Spouse

W

elcome to the leadeship famil

ofTe Marraige Youve Always

Wanted Bible Study.You and ouspouse ae oining a gowing numbe of

Chistian couples who ae concened about

the spiitual and maital climate within

the chuch toda. Do not count ouselves

among those who waste time decing the

low level of spiitual commitment and the

weak, empt maiages of man Chistian

couples. Rathe, commit to doing something

to stengthen maiages.M wife, Kaoln, and I want ou

elationship with Chist to be dnamic,

and we desie to see simila gowth in othe

maiages. We have found help in this guide,

and we see it as a tool to stimulate gowth in

othe couples. We desie that fo ou.

Some of ou ma have completed the

guide. You ecognize that the lead couple

do not need to be pefect Chistians ohave a pefect maiage. Te lead couple is

a gowing couple who encouages goup

membes to complete assignments and

ceates a climate fo goup shaing. Couples

lean much fom each othe as the shae

thei stengths and weaknesses.

Othes of ou will be innovatos, the

st in ou chuch to lead this stud. Tis

Leade Guide is witten with ou in mind.If ou have a sincee desie fo gowth in

ou life and maiage, a genuine concen

fo othe couples, and some basic abilities

in leading goup discussions, ou have the

qualities of a good leade fo this guide.


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If ou and ou spouse ae innovatos, ou will want to complete assignments at

least one week ahead of the goup so ou can pepae the goup fo assignments.

Tis will be especiall impotant duing the st few weeks as ou and othe couplesestablish a outine.

Chaptes 1 and 2 ae foundational. Te intoduce activities that will continue

dail thoughout the stud. Chapte 1 gives instuction on how to have a

dail convesation with God, sometimes called a dail quiet time. Tis egula

convesation with God will help ou get to know God bette. Chapte 2 intoduces

a dail shaing time with ou spouse fo the pupose of getting to know him o he

bette. Te hope is that couples will nd these two dail expeiences so meaningful

that the will continue them afte the complete Te Marriage Youve Always WantedBible Study.

HOW MANY COUPLES?

A good-sized goup consists of 5 to 6 couples plus the lead couple fo a total of 12 to

14 people. Lage goups do not allow eveone to paticipate in the goup shaing

each week. Smalle goups ma function well, but ma lose some benets of goup

inteaction.

HOW MANY SESSIONS? HOW LONG IS EACH SESSION?Te Marriage Youve Always Wanted Bible Studyis a 13-week stud. Te st session

is an intoducto, get-acquainted time. Books ae given out at this session, and the

assignments fo the st week ae explained. Each peson needs to have a cop of

the membe book. Te second goup session will focus on the mateial coveed in

chapte 1, which the goup will have completed the week pio to the meeting. Each

week theeafte, the goup will discuss the mateial the have completed duing

the pevious week. Te weekl goup meeting should last 1 to 1.5 hous. Some

goups pefe Sundas; othes nd it bette to meet on weeknights in homes o at

the chuch. Eithe setting is ne. Detemine ou meeting time befoe ou ecuitcouples.

HOW DO WE RECRUIT COUPLES?

Te most eective means of getting couples committed to the stud is though a

face-to-face invitation. Te lead couple should talk pesonall with each couple,

explain the pupose of the stud, and invite them to be membes of the goup.

God orgives

us based on

what Christ

did or us

on the cross.


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L e ader Gu id e

If ou ae an innovato o lead couple, ou ma want to select the st ve o six

couples based on thei leadeship potential. Ideall, afte the complete the stud,

some of them will lead additional goups. Tis is an eective wa to boaden ouleadeship base.

HOW DOES THIS GUIDE RELATE TO MY CHURCH?

Tis stud will help paticipants build spiitual disciplines that stimulate Chistian

gowth. It is also a vehicle fo helping the chuch foste stong, gowing maiages.

Tese two goals ae at the cente of the chuchs task to make disciples of all

nations (Matthew 28:19).

In some chuches, a sta leadeship couple ma lead the st goup. In othechuches, the pasto ma ecuit a ke la couple to lead this minist. In each case,

the stud needs to be unde the geneal supevision of the pasto, Gods appointed

shephed.

WHAT ARE THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF THE LEAD COUPLE?

Te st and geatest esponsibilit of the lead couple is to pa. Pa befoe ou

ecuit couples. Pa as ou visit and challenge couples to oin ou in this stud.

Pa afte the goup is fomed, and pa thoughout the 13 weeks of the stud. Pa

that God will use this guide to stimulate genuine, lasting gowth in the lives of thecouples involved, including ou and ou spouse.

A second esponsibilit of the lead couple is to guide the weekl goup sessions.

Tese meetings ae to be shaing times in which each goup membe paticipates.

Te shaing will focus on the Bible stud, Sciptue memo, leaning execise,

convesations with God, and shaing times with a spouse, which the couples have

expeienced duing the week. Tis leade guide will give ou ideas fo vaing the

fomat week b week.

Leading the weekl goup session is a shaed esponsibilit of the lead husband

and wife. Detemine the most comfotable wa of doing this. One wa is fo the

husband to lead one segment of the session and the wife to lead anothe segment.

Te leade guide oganizes the session into clea segments, which makes this

method eas to follow. Te leade guide does not, howeve, indicate who should do

what. Tis is fo ou to decide. You will need to plan ahead each week and agee on

what each of ou will do.

Te frst

and greatest

responsibility

o the lead

couple is

to pray.

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Ceate a climate whee genuine shaing can take place. Tis is best done as the lead

couple sets the example. If ou ae open about ou esponse to the assignments

of this guide, the goup will likel shae feel also. Remembe to shae failues aswell as successes. Goup membes might become discouaged if the think ou ae

pefect.

Te lead couple must not be viewed as having all the answes. When the questions

ae aised b goup membes, ask othes in the goup to contibute with questions

such as How do some of ou feel about that? Commend them fo thei answes

with comments: Tats good; I like that! You amation encouages goup

paticipation.

Some couples ma need special encouagement. If ou ecognize that a couple is

having poblems with a paticula pat of the stud, call o visit them duing the

week and oe additional help. If couples ae absent fom the session, call them as

soon as possible to nd out whethe thee is a poblem. If couples must miss one of

the weekl sessions, encouage them to discuss the mateial with each othe and to

keep up with assignments.

Finall, the lead couple needs to be open to Gods leadeship in identifing and

encouaging couples in the goup who have potential fo becoming leades of thesegoups. You chuch needs a numbe of leades so that eve couple desiing gowth

ma have the expeience of building the maiage theve alwas wanted.

Ma God bless ou as ou embak on this minist of discipleship to maied

couples.

Gary Chapman

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L e ader Gu id e

SESSION 1: INTRODUCTION

Session 1 is an intoduction to Te Marriage Youve Always Wanted Bible Study. Tis

session is a time fo getting acquainted and shaing what the couples can expect in

this stud. Tis session would be planned fo one hou. Couples who come to this

st session will not have thei mateials. Be pepaed to povide each peson a cop

of the membe book. Detemine ahead of time if couples need to puchase these o

if the chuch will povide them.As leaders, you will need to complete chapter 1 in the

book beore reading the ollowing inormation.

As leades, ou will want to ead ou suggestions each week, and then develop

ou own teaching plan. You will not need to efe to the leade guide duing the

session, onl to ou notes. Tese notes ma be witten on a sepaate sheet, in the

magins of the membe book, o in the Planning Notes section fo each session.

We encouage ou to be exible and plan each session with ou membes needs in

mind.

1. Begin the goup session b asking: What diculties did ou expeience in

getting to this meeting tonight? When we decide to do something good, often we

expeience diculties in caing it out. Lets shae some of the diculties.

Allow each goup membe to shae infomall an fustations the had in getting

to the meeting. Ceate a elaxed atmosphee and encouage inteaction.

2. Povide pape and pencils to each goup membe. Suggest that all goup membes

shae aloud the following infomation: (a) name, (b) bithplace, (c) numbe of

bothes and sistes, (d) what ou enoed doing as a child, (e) numbe of childen

(if an) and thei names and ages. You might want to list these on newspint o a

d-ease boad. Encouage goup membes to take notes as each membe shaes

biogaphical infomation with the goup. A st step in the shaing of ou lives is

poviding basic infomation such as this.

3. Ask goup membes to tell the goup wh the chose to be pat of this stud.

Encouage goup membes to shae on a pesonal level wh the made a decision to

be a pat of the stud.

4. As the lead couple, give an oveview of the guide, dening it as a pesonal gowth

stud designed to help us gow in ou elationship with God and in ou elationship

with ou spouse.

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In ou elationship with God, this stud emphasizes such basic gowth methods as

the dail pesonal quiet time, a weekl Bible stud, memoizing ke Sciptue veses

(6 veses duing the 13 weeks), and egula pae. Toughout the stud, ou willnd an emphasis in these fou aeas.

In building a elationship with ou spouse, the stud emphasizes a dail 1015

minute shaing time. Te Bible studies we will wok though deal with vaious

pinciples elated to maiage. We will memoize veses that elate to maiage.

We will shae leaning execises with each othe. All of these will assist us in

stengthening ou maiage elationships.

Te Marriage Youve Always Wanted Bible Studyequies pivate time and shaingtime. In ou pivate times, we will complete weekl assignments. In ou shaing

times, we will tell each othe some of what we have been leaning though the week.

5. Distibute a membe book to each peson. Ask them to look at the contents page.

Te chapte headings give an idea of basic subect aeas the will cove each week.

Have the goup look at the Bible stud in chapte 1. Suggest that it will pobabl

take about an hou to complete the Bible stud and leaning execise. Do not take

time to look at specic questions. Tis will be done next week afte the goup has

completed the Bible stud.

6. Ask goup membes to close thei membe books. As lead couple, shae the basic

concept of a pesonal quiet time. Explain that a convesation with God is two-

wa: God talks and I espond to what He sas; I talk and God esponds to what

I sa. Emphasize that a quiet time is not simpl eading the Bible and paing. A

convesation with God is listening to God speak though the Bible and esponding

to what God is saing. Shae the plan of eading one chapte pe da, making those

ideas that stand out in the chapte, and talking with God about the things ou have

maked. Show membes a chapte in ou Bible as an example. Shae with themou convesation with God this moning. Emphasize that although man of them

ma alead have a quiet time, duing this stud, we suggest that the follow this

method. Discouage the use of devotional guides duing this stud. Encouage

eading one chapte in the Bible each da, choosing a book and woking though

that book until it is completed. Goup membes need not ead the same book in

the Bible. If ou ae asked to make a suggestion of a book to use, the gospel of John,

one of Pauls lettes, Psalms, o Povebs ae good. Next week, and each week that

Encourage

group

members

to share on

a personal

level why

they made a

decision

to be a part

o the study.

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follows, goup membes will have an oppotunit to shae something the ead in

thei quiet time duing the past week. A fom is povided on page 123 fo membes

to ecod the chapte the have ead each da.

7. Emphasize that thoughout the stud we will wok to ceate an honest

atmosphee whee we can shae openl with each othe an diculties we ma

have in ou pesonal quiet times with God. We want to be honest about diculties

we encounte and questions we ma have in establishing this dail convesation

with God.

8. Allow time fo questions and comments b the goup. Close with pae. As the

lead couple, ou ma wish to pa, o ask if an couple would like to lead in pae.

PLANNING NOTES

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

Troughout

the study,

we will

work to

create an

honest

atmosphere

where we

can share

openly with

each other.

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SESSION 2:

ENHANCING MY CONvERSATION WITH GOD

In session 2, ou will be discussing the mateial in chapte 1 of the Bible stud.

Assume that goup membes have completed chapte 1 since ou st meeting.

Goup membes need to ecognize the impotance of completing home

assignments. Fom the beginning, hold up the ideal. Te goup expeience will not

be as eective if goup membes sense that the homewok is not impotant. Also,

and most impotant, couples will not gow as a esult of the stud.

OPENING ACTIvITY

Begin b saing: As ou know, this week we have stated developing a pesonal

time with God each da. We have ead and maked one chapte in the Bible. We

talked with God about what we have maked. Lets begin ou session b choosing

one idea that ou have maked in the Bible this week and shaing it with someone

in the goup. I would like fo the men to shae with anothe man and the women

to shae with anothe woman. You have one minute to select the vese ou would

like to shae; then ead it to the othe peson and tell him o he wh ou maked it.

Tat is, what impessed ou about this vese?

Afte this execise, allow individuals to shae with the total goup an diculties

the have encounteed this week in thei quiet time.

BIBLE STUDY

Tis week, the Bible stud was geaed to help us discove the value of getting to

know God though the Sciptues. Wok though the Bible stud as a goup. As ou

do, allow dieent goup membes to shae thei answes. On some questions, ou

ma ask seveal to shae thei answes; on othe questions, ou ma simpl call fo

one answe. Question 3 will give the goup the oppotunit to shae thei salvation

testimonies with each othe. Tis will give ou an idea of the spiitual backgound of

goup membes. If ou discove as ou listen that some do not have a clea salvation

testimon, ou will want to pa fo them. In the weeks ahead, take the oppotunit

to meet with them and lead them to assuance of salvation.

Paticulal focus on item 9. Shae ou pesonal testimon of memoizing

Sciptue. We will memoize onl six veses thoughout the stud, but the ae

pactical veses. Uge membes to develop the habit of Sciptue memo.


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On question 10, encouage goup membes to shae but do not foce anone to

do so. It is, howeve, in the shaing of pesonal mattes that we will help each othe

most. Indicate that thoughout the stud, thee will be an oppotunit to checkwhen ou have completed cetain assignments. Tis is to encouage us to complete

the assignment athe than gloss ove it.

LEARNING EXERCISE

Allow each goup membe to epot at least one item listed unde M Relationship

with God o M Relationship with M Spouse. As membes shae answes to

this execise, the will help each othe establish goals fo the next thee months.

Encouage goup membes to take notes as the listen to othes.

LOOKING AHEAD

Shae with the goup befoe ou leave that this coming week each peson will begin

establishing a pesonal shaing time with his o he spouse. Just as we will have a

pesonal time with God, we will also have a dail shaing time with ou spouse

to get to know each othe bette. Uge membes to complete the Bible stud and

leaning execise eal in the week so that the ma pactice the shaing time as

man das as possible. Note also that on page 123, thee is a fom fo them to ecod

the book and chapte the have ead and maked each da in thei convesation

with God. Close the session with a bief pae. Ask God to help goup membesaccomplish the goals listed in this past weeks leaning execise.

PLANNING NOTES

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

L e ader Gu id e

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SESSION 3:

ENHANCING MY CONvERSATION WITH MY SPOUSE

Session 3 is a discussion of the mateial in chapte 2. Membes will have completed

chapte 2 of the Bible stud the week pio to the meeting.

OPENING ACTIvITY

Begin this session b allowing each membe to shae with thei spouse one vese

the ead and maked in thei Bibles duing thei convesation with God. Spend a

few moments discussing an diculties that goup membes ae having with thei

pesonal quiet times. Be smpathetic with an diculties. Ask goup membes fo

suggestions to help othes.

LEARNING EXERCISE

Shae bie with each othe ou success o lack of success with the leaning

execise this week. Te basic idea was to shae thee things that happened in ou

life each da and how ou felt about those thee things. As the lead couple, begin

with ou own epot of what happened this week in ou shaing times. Be honest

about the numbe of das ou and ou spouse had the shaing time. You do not

have to be pefect in ode to be of help to the goup. You honest and openness

will encouage the goup to be honest and open. Ve few of the goup will have

had a shaing time eve da duing the week; man will have had it onl once o

twice. Tis is ne; we have plent of time to establish this patten. Afte seveal

couples have shaed successes o failues, emphasize the impotance of following

the suggested patten in the leaning execise: shae thee things that happened in

m life toda and how I feel about them. Encouage eveone to use this fomat

duing the stud, even though couples maied fo some time ma sa, Well, we

talk; we have a shaing time; we ae ust not using this fomat. Couples commonl

shae events but not feelings. Te leaning execise will encouage couples to begin

to shae feelings and come to gain feedom in shaing emotions. As we shae events

and emotions we become moe intimate.

BIBLE STUDY

Wok though the Bible stud in chapte 2. Bief but clea answes to the st fou

questions will be adequate. Emphasize the necessit of communication.

You do not

have to be

perect in

order to

be o help

to the group.


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Questions 5 and 6 ae application questions. Seveal membes in the goup should

have the oppotunit to shae answes. As the eveal common hindances to

open communication, ou will nd couples gaining encouagement fom eachothe. Seveal membes ma want to shae examples of times when the have not

spoken cleal and miscommunication has esulted. Tis will help the goup see the

common poblems of miscommunication in a maiage. Question 6 gows out of

the concept of James 5:12. Allowing membes of the goup to shae illustations will

help claif the pinciple fo othe goup membes.

Question 8 emphasizes the value of listening caefull and heaing ou spouse befoe

we give an answe. Goup membes ma wish to shae was the have discoveed

that ensue mutual undestanding. We will have additional mateial in chapte 6 onlistening to emphasize eective listening and some of the common techniques fo

developing undestanding. Assue the goup that thoughout the sessions, we will

wok to enhance communication; the basic building block will be ou dail shaing

times. As a beginning point fo communication, we will shae with ou spouse thee

events in ou da and how we felt about those events. Beond that,

we ma feel fee to communicate anthing else we would like, but this will be

the foundation of ou shaing times. Ou obective is to make this a dail pat of

ou elationships. You ma need to discuss bie hindances goup membes

anticipate in accomplishing this obective. Oe appopiate suggestions. Foexample, couples apat because of vocations ma complete some of thei shaing

times b phone o e-mail.

SCRIPTURE MEMORY

Allow husbands and wives to quote Ephesians 4:32 to each othe. If the have not

memoized the vese full, encouage them to concentate on memoizing it this

week so that next week the can shae it with the goup.

LOOKING AHEAD

Daw the goups attention to page 123 whee the will nd a chat fo ecoding

the books and chaptes the ae eading fom the Bible each da. Suggest that the

wite in week 1 the mateial the ecoded on page 11, and to wite in week 2 the

book and chaptes the ecoded on page 23. Te book and chaptes the ead this

week will be witten in week 3. Daw attention to page 125 whee membes will

ecod thei dail shaing times with thei spouse. Again, week 1 will be blank and

week 2 will contain the checks the have alead witten on page 23. Te shaing

You will

fnd couples

gaining

encourage-

ment rom

each other.

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times the have this week will be ecoded unde week 3. Te pupose of the foms

is to povide a ecod of ou successes and to encouage us to make ou convesation

with God and with ou spouse a consistent pat of ou dail lives. Tis is an execisein pesonal accountabilit. Encouage the goup to complete the Bible stud

mateial fo chapte 3 eal in the week and to seek consistenc in dail quiet time

with God and dail shaing time with thei spouse. Close the session with a bief

pae time. Ask fo Gods diection in ou lives as we seek to continue to gow in

ou elationship with Him, with ou spouse, and with each othe.

PLANNING NOTES

_______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________


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SESSION 4:

LEARNING TO FORGIvE

Session 4 is a discussion of the mateial in chapte 3. Te goup will have completed

chapte 3 the week pio to the meeting. Ou topic is fogiveness.

OPENING ACTIvITY

Begin this session b focusing on Sciptue memo. Ask husbands and wives to

quote Ephesians 4:32 to each othe. Ask fo a voluntee to quote the vese to the

entie goup. Dont foce an paticula goup membe to do this; whoeve shaes

will set the pace fo othes. Tose who have not memoized the vese should be

encouaged to concentate genuinel on memoizing it this week. Te obective is

to eview the vese dail so that the pinciples found in the vese will become a pat

of ou lives.

DAILY CONvERSATION WITH GOD

Ask goup membes to tun to page 123 and shae with thei spouse the ecod

of thei pesonal quiet times. As the show each othe this fom, the should also

epot on thei pogess. Te husband ma sa to his wife, I did pett well this

week; I had a quiet time fo fou das out of the seven, o I eall havent gotten

into the swing of this et, but next week will be dieent. Tis bief time of

accountabilit will encouage consistenc duing the coming weeks.

DAILY SHARING TIME WITH MY SPOUSE

Have the goup tun to page 125 and epeat the pocess as the talk about thei

shaing times. If the ae not being consistent, take a moment to discuss what

changes the need to make so that the can have these shaing times. At this stage,

paticipants need to ecognize the value of the dail quiet time with God and the

dail shaing time with thei spouse. Tee is nothing moe fundamental to spiitual

and maital gowth than these two disciplines.

BIBLE STUDY

If time pemits, walk though each of the Bible stud questions, eceiving bief

answes fom one peson on the factual questions and letting seveal membes shae

on discussion questions.

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In question 2, the wod conessliteall means to agee with. When we confess

sin, it means that we agee with God that what we have done is wong. Questions

5, 6, and 7 distinguish between fogiveness and fogetting. We know that God isomniscient; He knows all things. When God fogives us, it does not mean that He

is no longe conscious of ou sin. It means, howeve, that God chooses no longe

to hold ou sin against us. When we fogive othes, it does not mean that we will

neve emembe the wong the have done; it means that we have pomised neve

to hold that wong against them. Fogiveness is a pomise, not a feeling. We have

not failed when we emembe a sin that we have fogiven. When feelings of hut,

disappointment, o ange come to mind ove a sin we have fogiven, we should tell

God what we ae feeling and thank Him that it is now fogiven. We would pa,

Father, You know what Im thinking and eeling, but I want to thank You that that sin isorgiven. Help me to do something positive today.

In questions 10 and 11, the goup will discove that when we sin against ou spouse,

we ae to go to him o he, confess ou sin, and ask fogiveness. When ou spouse

sins against us, we ae to confont him o he lovingl (see Matthew 18:15).

Questions 13 and 14 point out the esponsibilit we have to fogive othes when

the ae willing to confess thei wong.

LEARNING EXERCISE

Ask the goup to tun to page 30 to see if the have ecoded the date the

completed this execise. Do not ask them to shae this date with the goup, but

encouage those who pehaps have not completed this execise to do so as soon as

possible. Te expeience of asking God to help us list ou failues is a vital execise

in maital gowth. Encouage eve couple to complete the execise. Assue couples

that these lists will not be shaed with the goup; the ae to be shaed onl with

each othe.

LOOKING AHEAD

Next week, the topic is leaning to seve ou spouse. One of the most impotant

pinciples in maiage is leaning how to seve each othe. Encouage the goup

to do the Bible stud eal in the week and to complete the leaning execise.

Challenge membes to seek to be moe consistent in dail convesations with God

and in dail shaing times with thei spouse. Remind them to ecod these on pages

123 and 125 this week. Close the session with a pae time. Duing this pae,

oe an oppotunit fo membes to pa voluntail.

Te experience

o asking God

to help us list

our ailures is

a vital exercise

in marital

growth.


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PLANNING NOTES

_______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

Do not put

pressure on

every group

member to

share, but

recognize

those who

are open to

sharing.

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SESSION 5:

DEvELOPING MY SERvE


chapte 4 the week pio to the meeting. Ou topic is leaning to seve ou spouse.

OPENING ACTIvITY

Begin the session b focusing on ou convesation with God this week. Ask

membes to select a vese the maked. Allow seveal membes to shae thei vese

with the goup, wh the maked it, and what the vese means to them. Do not

put pessue on eve goup membe to shae, but ecognize those who ae open

to shaing. You ma wish to allow individuals to expess diculties the still have

being consistent in this dail time of convesation with God. Allow goup membes

to encouage each othe.

SCRIPTURE MEMORY

Tis week, the goup began memoizing 1 John 1:9. Since this ma be a familia

vese, man goup membes will nd it eas to memoize. You ma wish to ask fo a

voluntee to t quoting 1 John 1:9 fo the goup. Ten have two o thee membes

quote fo the goup Ephesians 4:32. Te expeience of quoting the vese in font of

the goup will stengthen the one who is quoting and encouage othes to eview

Sciptue veses consistentl. We will have anothe week of eview on these veses.

B next week, eveone should be able to quote both of them.

BIBLE STUDY

o begin the Bible stud, have someone ead Mak 10:3545 fo eview. Ask one

peson to chaacteize the attitude of James and John.

Ask seveal membes to summaize the teaching of Mak 10:4245. Afte the

discussion, ask: What is the dieence between being a sevant and a doomat?

Te goup will geneate a good discussion ove this question. Befoe the session,

ceate ou own answe. o get ou stated, one dieence is that the sevant is active

while the doomat is passive.

In question 2, ou need not ead John 13:117 since this sto is familia to most

people. Afte a discussion as to how Jesus seved the disciples, let the goup shae

answes to what foot washing in Jesus da would compae to in todas wold.


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L e ader Gu id e

Encouage goup membes to add to thei lists as the listen to othes ideas.

Question 3 focuses on the dieences between studing about sevanthood andbeing a sevant. It is one thing to talk about being a sevant; it is anothe thing to

seve ou husbands o wives in the outines of life thoughout the week.

Question 4 povides an oppotunit fo application of the pinciple found in

question 3. Allow seveal membes to shae thei answes to question 4, but do not

foce anone to shae.

LEARNING EXERCISE

Have membes tun to page 38 and shae something the listed unde numbe 1.Tese need not be pofound acts of sevice, but something the have done fo each

othe that the know the othe peson wanted done. As goup membes listen to

othes shae, it will give them ideas of what the might do. Next, allow membes to

shae the ideas the listed in numbe 2. Again, as individuals shae, encouage the

goup to note additional ideas the hea fom othes. Daw the goups attention to

numbes 3 and 4 on pages 38 and 39. Hopefull, the have completed and ecoded

these acts of sevice. If not, encouage them to do so this week. Emphasize to the

goup that it is ou desie to develop a sevants attitude; that means we think dail

in tems of pactical was that we can seve each othe. Tis attitude of sevice ispehaps the most impotant attitude in developing a health maiage.

LOOKING AHEAD

Encouage the goup to seek to gow in consistenc this week in thei dail

convesations with God and in thei dail shaing times with thei spouse. Te topic

fo next week is emotions. Encouage the goup to do the Bible stud eal; it is a

little longe than usual. Close the session with a bief pae thanking God fo His

model in Jesus Chist of what it means to be a sevant.

PLANNING NOTES

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

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SESSION 6:

BECOMING FRIENDS WITH MY FEELINGS

In session 6 ou will discuss the mateial in chapte 5. Te goup will have

completed chapte 5 the week pio to the meeting. Ou topic focuses on emotions.

OPENING ACTIvITY

Begin b asking couples to shae with each othe the two veses the have

memoized ove the last ve weeks. Next, lead the goup to sa each of the veses

in unison. Finall, ask membes to quote the veses to someone othe than thei

spouse.


Sa to the goup: We want to do something bold in this session. un to page 129

and show the ecod of ou convesations with God to two othe goup membes

besides ou spouse. Tis is sca because it means that ou have to be totall honest

about ou degee of success o failue.

Afte the goup has done this, ask fo voluntees to shae with the goup what the

feel is needed in ode fo them to be moe consistent in thei dail convesations

with God. As the shae about themselves and thei stuggles, othes will nd

encouagement. Remind the goup afte this execise that we have sought to ceate a

climate whee we can be open with each othe; ou pupose in shaing openl is not

to make us feel guilt but to stimulate gowth.

DAILY SHARING TIMES WITH MY SPOUSE

un to page 125 and do the same thing with the ecod of shaing times with

ou spouse. Afte the goup has phsicall shown thei ecods to two othe goup

membes, allow voluntees to give ideas on how shaing with thei spouse can

become a moe consistent pat of thei expeience. Some goup membes ma

suggest that shaing thee things that happened toda and how the feel about them

seems to be mechanical. Do not ague with this idea; it ma well seem mechanical

to some couples. Am that if we will commit to have the shaing time dail, we

will nd ouselves shaing moe ideas and feelings. Eventuall, it will become less

mechanical. But, if we allow ouselves to sa, Well, we ae shaing but ust not

following that fomat, we will not expeience as much gowth as if we consistentl

shae thee expeiences and feelings.

Allow

volunteers to

give ideas on

how sharing

with their

spouse can

become

a more

consistent

part o their

experience.


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L e ader Gu id e

BIBLE STUDY

Because of the length of the Bible stud, ou will likel not have time to go though

eve question. You ma wish to eceive bief answes fo question 1. Encouagegoup membes who ae willing to shae thei desciption of a gief expeience.

Tis is a pesonal question, but it will help eveone to hea illustations. Give ou

answe to the actions Jesus took because of His ange and soow, and then ask

seveal goup membes what we can lean fom His example.

Bief answes will also suce fo question 2. Have husbands and wives shae with

each othe the last time the had feelings of depession. ake a moment in the

goup fo them to do this. Ten have the goup discuss actions Jesus took when He

felt soow and depession. Also ask them to discuss what we can lean fom Hisexample of handling soow and depession. Do not wo about discussing how

Jesus dealt with fea. Te patten in these questions is simila to the othes. Instead,

move diectl to discuss pesonal esponses to fea.

If time pemits, allow the goup to shae bief answes to question 3. If not, go

diectl to question 4 and discuss ou esponse to negative emotions. Summaize

the discussion b eminding goup membes that negative emotions nomall come

as a esponse to some extenal action on the pat of othes. Te emotion itself is not

sin, but we have the esponsibilit to contol that emotion b paing fo Gods

diection, shaing the emotion with othes, and taking positive action.

LEARNING EXERCISE

Ask the goup to focus on the fou questions at the beginning of the leaning

execise on pages 47 and 48. Ask: What emotion do ou feel about the session

weve ust completed? Let one o two pesons shae thei emotions and what

stimulated those emotions.

Continue the discussion b asking:

What happened in the goup that stimulated that emotion and wh do ou

feel this wa?

What is thee about ou pesonalit and backgound that would tend to

make ou feel this wa?

What will ou do in esponse to this emotion?

It is helpul to

share negative

emotions in

a positive

way and

determine

constructive

changes

that can

be made.

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Anothe appoach to this execise would be to have husbands and wives pai o

in the oom and shae with each othe thei answes to the fou steps. Conside

this appoach onl if the goup indicates that the have not completed that pat ofthe leaning execise. If the have completed it, it should be indicated in Shaing

ime with M Spouse (p. 125). Wap up this section b eminding the goup that

negative emotions ae not sinful; instead, the ma show a need fo behavioal

changes in ou elationships. It is fa moe helpful to shae these negative emotions

in a positive wa and detemine constuctive changes that can be made.

LOOKING AHEAD

Remind the goup that this week each of us was asked to shae with ou spouse

something we discoveed in ou Bible eading. Couples ma desie to do this moeegulal. It is an eas wa to talk to each othe about spiitual mattes. If the did

not complete this pat of thei home assignments this week, uge them to do so

soon. Indicate that next week ou topic will be leaning to listen, an impotant pat

of communication. Membes will also begin memoizing a new Sciptue vese and

will have a couple of challenging leaning execises. Encouage membes to begin

Bible stud eal in the week. Close with a bief time of diected pae, asking

the goup to pa silentl as ou mention vaious topics one at a time. Focus on

paticula needs within ou goup.

PLANNING NOTES

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________


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L e ader Gu id e

SESSION 7:

LEARNING TO LISTEN

Session 7 focuses on the mateials in chapte 6. Te goup will have completed

chapte 6 the week pio to the meeting. Te topic is listening.

OPENING ACTIvITY

Begin b saing: Tis week we began memoizing a new Sciptue vese on

listening, speaking, and getting ang. Who would like to quote the vese fo us?

Give as man goup membes as would like the oppotunit to quote James 1:19.

Encouage those who have not et memoized the vese to concentate on doing so

this week. Tis vese has man pactical implications fo maiage.

BIBLE STUDY

Ask class membes to give bief answes to question 1. Conclude b saing: Te

bottom line in undestanding a peson is asking questions and listening caefull.

In question 2, Paul sas of his Jewish audience that the hadl head with thei

eas. Te King James vesion uses the phase dull of heaing. Ask goup membes

to shae ideas on what it means to be dull of heaing. Te questions dealing with

possible easons the Jews did not want to hea what Jesus taught and wh we

sometimes become dull of heaing with ou spouse ae good discussion questions.

Ask seveal goup membes to shae thei answes. Also ask if membes would like

to give an example of a time when the did not want to hea what thei spouse was

saing because the wee not willing to make the necessa changes listening would

equie.

Move on to question 3. If goup membes ae willing to shae, encouage them to

help each othe b identifing some pesonal poblems and shaing suggestions.

Afte bief answes to question 4, ask if one o two goup membes would be willing

to tell about the last time the gave an answe befoe the eall undestood what

thei spouse was saing (question 5). Ask: What is the best wa to keep this fom

happening? You ma wish to allow husbands and wives to pai o and shae thei

answes to question 6.

Encouage them to appl the Old estament passage to thei maiage. As a goup,

discuss question 7. Suggest that membes take notes as othes shae thei answes.

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LEARNING EXERCISE

Call the goups attention to the execise on active listening on pages 57 and 58.

Ask if the ecoded on page 60 thee times the actuall tied this method. Allow

the goup to shae an diculties the had in using this method. Also open the

discussion to include an comments the wish to make about thei expeiences

this week. Allow the goup to epot in a simila wa thei esponses to the second

execise: Rating Feelings 010 on pages 58 to 59. Encouage positive and negative

comments in thei eots to use this method of undestanding the feelings of thei

mate. Te two techniques in this weeks leaning execise can be extemel helpful

in undestanding the thoughts and feelings of othes, especiall ou mate. One of

the most common poblems in communication is misundestanding o a lack of

infomation about what ou spouse is thinking and feeling.

LOOKING AHEAD

Conclude the session b saing: Te lesson next week is one of the most impotant

in the stud. You will discove ou emotional love language and hopefull lean

how to ll the emotional tank of ou spouse. Tis should be an exciting week. Be

consistent in eading and talking with God and in having a shaing time with ou

spouse dail.

PLANNING NOTES

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

One o the

most common

problems in

communica-

tion is a lack

o inormationabout what

our spouse is

thinking and

eeling.


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SESSION 8:

LEARNING TO LOvE


chapte 7 the week pio to the meeting. Ou topic this week is one of the most

signicant in the entie stud: loving God and loving ou spouse.

OPENING ACTIvITY

Begin b having the husbands fom one goup and the wives fom anothe goup.

Give them a few minutes to shae with each othe something the have ead and

maked in thei Bibles this week. Ask them to ead the vese and shae bie with

the goup what God said to them though the vese. If one goup nishes befoe

the othe, ask them to continue shaing with each othe stengths and weaknesses of

thei convesations with God.

SCRIPTURE MEMORY

When the goup is eassembled, have a voluntee quote Ephesians 4:32, anothe

peson quote 1 John 1:9, and anothe quote James 1:19. Encouage the goup to

continue eviewing these veses at least once a da.

BIBLE STUDY

Let the goup eview thei answes to questions 1 and 2 silentl. Ask one o two

membes to shae a summa of what the leaned in this section about Gods love

fo us.

Bie give ou answe to question 3. Shae a pesonal example of how Gods love

was evident in ou life.

Lead the goup though a discussion of questions 4 and 5. Te second pat of

question 5 points out the impotant tuth that the eason Chist can sa, If ou

love Me, do what I sa, is because He knew that all these commands ae fo ou

welfae. Tus, Chists equest fo obedience was itself an act of love.

Encouage goup membes to shae thei answes to the second pat of question 6.

Shaed answes will give othe membes ideas about how to expess love.

Questions 7 and 8 deal with expessing love in the husband/wife elationship. As

ou lead the goup though these questions, give special attention to those that

Our topic

this week

is one o

the most

signifcant

in the entire

study: loving

God and

loving your

spouse.

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27/42

r r r y y y

equie application. A discussion of these questions will am that loving ones

spouse is a matte of attitude and action fa moe than it is an emotion. Howeve,

thee is an emotional aspect of love. Te leaning execise focuses on meeting eachothes emotional need to feel loved.

LEARNING EXERCISE

Te leaning execise will help each peson discove his o he emotional love

language and the love language of the spouse. Read the ve love languages (pp. 67

68). Sa: We ma like to eceive all ve, but fo most of us, one is moe impotant

than the othes. Tis is ou pima love language. A husband and wife seldom have

the same love language. Te ke is leaning the pima language of ou spouse

and choosing to speak it egulal. o do this is to enhance emotional intimacin maiage. Afte ou have eviewed the concept, ask husbands and wives to get

togethe and shae with each othe thei love language. Te likel have done this

alead in pivate. If the have, suggest that this is an oppotunit fo them to am

thei love language to each othe.

While the husband and wife ae togethe, have them look at page 69 and eview

the suggestions and actions that have been completed this week. If the couple has

not completed this execise, ask each maiage patne to suggest one thing that the

othe can do in the next few hous to help aise the level of thei emotional tank.Encouage couples to pla the ank Check Game fo the next two weeks, and to do

a moe ecient ob of meeting the emotional needs of thei spouse ove the coming

weeks.

As a lead couple, ou might want to know moe about love languages. Couples in

ou goup ma also want to know moe. Fo a moe complete undestanding of the

love language concept, ou ma want to ead Ga Chapmans bookTe Five Love

Languages, published b Notheld Publishing.

LOOKING AHEAD

Sa: Next week, ou topic is how to esolve conict. We will discuss how to esolve

nomal conicts that aise in maiage. Te lesson mateial is athe long, so begin

the Bible stud eal in the week. We will also begin memoizing Philippians 2:34

this week. Encouage membes to ead the veses seveal times a da in pepaation

fo memoizing. Close the session with pae.


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PLANNING NOTES

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

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SESSION 9:

LEARNING TO AGREE

Session 9 focuses on mateials in chapte 8. Te goup will have completed chapte

8 the week pio to the meeting. Te topic this week is how to esolve conict.

OPENING ACTIvITY

Begin b saing: Ou Sciptue vese this week is a long one. Would anone like

to quote Philippians 2:34? Encouage someone to t. If no one is willing to

quote the vese, divide the goup into pais; do not allow husbands and wives to

be togethe. Give the pais seveal minutes to help each othe lean the passage.

Sa: All of us want to memoize this vese because of its man implications fo

maiage.


Reassemble the goup. Let one o two couples tell how thei shaing time is

pogessing. If a couple is having dicult making this a egula pat of each da,

encouage the goup to oin them in pae and encouagement.


Ask membes to shae with the goup the book in the Bible fom which the have

been eading this week. Tis will give membes an idea of what othes ae doing and

will also focus on the impotance of a dail time with God.

BIBLE STUDY

Call fo bief answes to questions 13. Spend most of the time with question 4. Ask

wives to shae the instuctions the listed and husbands to shae the instuctions

the listed in esponse to Ephesians 5:2223. You ma want to ask: Who has the

moe dicult ob, the husband o wife? Wh?

Allow the goup to shae bief denitions to: submit, respect, and toeed (nourish

in KJV) and care or. Ask husbands and wives to pai o and shae with each othe

what positive changes the could make to be bette at feeding and caing fo

(husbands) and submitting to and showing espect fo (wives) thei spouse.

Reassemble the goup. Let membes shae answes bie and aise an questions

the ma have concening the emainde of question 4.

I a couple

is having

diculty

making daily

sharing a

regular part

o each day,

encourage the

group to join

them in prayer

and encour-

agement.


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L e ader Gu id e

Lead the goup though a discussion of questions 5, 6, and 7. In question 5, claif

that both husband and wife ae equal in woth, intelligence, and impotance but

that the husband is the loving leade among equals. You ma nd goup membeswho have negative feelings towad the idea of the husband being the leade among

equals. Give these membes an oppotunit to expess thei thoughts and feelings;

do not feel that ou have to convince them of this position. Acknowledge to the

goup that we ae all continuing to gow in ou undestanding of the biblical

implications of this passage. Te passage cleal emphasizes mutual submission.

Be awae of time. Tis issue has the potential of taking up a lot of ou time. Be sue

to leave time to discuss the leaning execise. Remembe, as in all ou Bible stud

discussions, it is not necessa to discuss eve question.

LEARNING EXERCISE

Ask the goup to shae pesonal illustations of the thee pattens of conict

esolution that the ecoded on page 80. Tese illustations will help othe goup

membes undestand how the thee pattens can be applied to life.

LOOKING AHEAD

Encouage membes to focus on memoizing Philippians 2:34. Remind them of

the impotance of thei dail convesations with God and thei dail shaing timeswith thei spouse. Encouage membes to ecod these on pages 123 and 125. Next

week, the topic is Developing a Positive Response to Ange. Te feeling of ange

is not a sin; how we espond to ange will make it eithe an asset o a liabilit to

maiage. Encouage the goup to begin the Bible stud at the st of the week and

to complete the leaning execise as eal as possible so the can pactice it b the

end of the week.

PLANNING NOTES

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

Give

members an

opportunity

to express

their

thoughts

and eelings

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SESSION 10:

DEvELOPING A POSITIvE RESPONSE TO ANGER

Session 10 is a discussion of the mateial in chapte 9. Te goup will have

completed chapte 9 the week pio to the meeting. Te topic focuses on how to

espond positivel to ange.

OPENING ACTIvITY

Begin this session b focusing on Convesations with God. Divide the goup into

pais. Ask each husband to shae with anothe husband and each wife to shae with

anothe wife one vese the maked in thei Bible eading this week, and wh the

found this vese signicant. Afte this bief shaing time, move diectl to the Bible

stud.

BIBLE STUDY

Have a voluntee shae his o he answes to questions 1 and 2. Afte question 2

has been answeed, ask: What do the answes to these two questions tell us about

ange?

Questions 35 elate to each othe. Question 3 deals with Jonah and his ange. Ask

fo bief answes to each pat of this question. Question 4 deals with the ange of

the elde bothe in the account of the Podigal Son. Afte heaing bief answes to

this question, ask seveal membes to shae thei esponses to question 5. Conclude

this esponse b saing: We can onl explain ou actions and hope that the othe

peson will undestand. We can neithe foce him o he to undestand no to cease

to be ang.

Ask one peson to ead and espond to question 6. Allow the goup time to discuss

the meaning of Ephesians 4:2627.

Ask someone to identif the thee challenges of James 1:19. Ask: How ae the st

two challenges elated to the last one? You ma wish to summaize James 1:20

ouself.

Ask dieent goup membes to paaphase the povebs in question 8.

Lead the goup bie to answe questions 911. Have seveal goup membes

shae thei pactical suggestions fo putting o ange as found in Ephesians 4:31


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and Colossians 3:8. Summaize b saing: We should alwas t to identif the

souce of ou ange, t to nd answes to questions we have, seek to undestand the

actions of the othe peson, and seek to nd a solution to the thing that stimulatedange. Ou leaning execise focuses on appling this tuth.

LEARNING EXERCISE

Summaize the negative esponse to ange: blowing up. Allow membes to shae

voluntail an example fom thei own lives. Open and honest shaing b ou as the

leade will encouage othes to be open and honest. Repeat the same with the othe

negative esponse: clamming up. Ask membes to shae illustations fom thei

expeiences.

Summaize fo the goup the positive esponses to ange: admitting ange,

estaining ou esponse, shaing ou poblem, and looking fo a solution. Ask

a membe to quote o ead the fou bulleted statements on page 89, which appl

these steps. Ask husbands and wives to pai up. Give each of them a chance to ecite

these fou statements. Open the discussion fo couples to ask questions and make

comments about this pocedue.

Some individuals will have dicult making the st statement, I am feeling

ang ight now. Some membes will want to substitute a wod fo ange such asfustated. Te pupose is not to make them use the wod angerif in fact anothe

wod bette descibes thei emotion. Howeve, we do want them to be able to admit

ange if that is what the feel.

Statement 2, But dont wo, I will not attack ou, eminds us of what we will

not do. Statement 3, When ou have time, I would like ou help in solving a

poblem, acknowledges that it is ou poblem and we ae asking fo help. We ae

not demanding that we talk about it at this moment. Statement 4, M poblem

is this: I feel ang when...I eall need ou help in nding a solution, identieswhat has hut us and asks fo ou spouses help in solving ou poblem. wo adults

looking fo answes will nd them.

Someone in ou goup ma question the value of memoizing these fou

statements, assuming the will not be emembeed in the heat of ange. Tis is

pecisel wh we encouage membes to memoize them and epeat them numeous

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times. We ae fa moe likel to use the statements in a eal-life situation when we

have used them in pactice sessions. Tese statements have helped man couples

beak destuctive pattens of expessing ange. If we ae sincee in ou desie to beakdestuctive pattens, the can wok fo us too.

SCRIPTURE MEMORY

Lead the goup to eview Sciptue veses as a goup o in pais. If time is limited,

encouage the goup to continue eviewing the fou veses dail this week.

LOOKING AHEAD

Sa: Te topic next week is the minist of intecession. It will be an exciting

chapte, but some of ou ma nd it theatening. Some couples nd it dicult topa togethe because of the wa the teat each othe. Othe couples neve leaned

how to pa with someone else. In chapte 10, ou will lean how to pa togethe

convesationall. Wok caefull though the Bible stud. Complete the leaning

execise even though ou ma feel uncomfotable in doing so. Lets close ou session

with pae.

PLANNING NOTES

_______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

Positive

responses

to anger:

admitting

anger,

restraining

your response,

sharing your

problem, and

looking or

a solution.


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SESSION 11:

LEARNING THE MINISTRY OF INTERCESSION

Session 11 focuses on the mateials in chapte 10. Te goup will have completed

chapte 10 the week pio to the meeting. Te topic is the minist of intecession.

OPENING ACTIvITY

Begin this session b focusing on Sciptue memo. Ask each couple to eview the

st fou veses we have memoized. Reassemble the goup and ask if anone can

quote Jeemiah 33:3, the vese we began memoizing this week. Give one o moe

membes the oppotunit to quote the vese.


Ask the husbands to get in pais and the wives to get in pais. Ask the goup to tun

to page 123 and shae with thei paied-o patne thei ecod of convesations

with God. Lead them to discuss bie thei pogess of eading and making

Sciptue, and discussing it with God.

LEARNING EXERCISE

Ask individuals to shae with the goup thei esponses to convesational pae this

week. Did the nd it dicult? Impossible? Rewading? Encouage both negative

and positive comments. Let those who ae hesitant to pa aloud shae thei feelings.

Indicate that one of the things we would like to lean in this stud is to pa in a

goup b means of convesational pae. ell the goup that in this session we will

take a signicant amount of time to pa convesationall. Indicate that it is one

thing to talk about convesational pae, et anothe to expeience it. We want to

focus on expeiencing convesational pae.

Review fo the goup the basic appoach to convesational pae: an individual will

pa about onl one subect bie, then othes will have an oppotunit to pa

about the same subect. Afte a pause, someone else ma bing up a new subect,

and one o moe ma oin in paing about that subect. Tis will continue though

as man subects as come to mind. Do not take time to shae pae equests befoe

ou begin the pae session. Subects will simpl be bought to the goup in pae,

and membes can oin with othes as the bing the subect befoe God.

In this

session we

will take

signifcant

time to pray

conversa-

tionally.

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Use at least 15 minutes of ou goup session fo convesational pae. Afte this

pae time, ask membes to expess how the feel about the expeience the have

ust had. Again, encouage both negative and positive esponses. Tis expeiencewill, hopefull, establish a base fo additional convesational pae duing the next

two sessions.

BIBLE STUDY

Move to a discussion of the Bible stud section entitled Pae and the Maiage

Relationship. Read 1 Pete 3:7 in seveal tanslations. Afte discussing the Bible

stud questions, channel the goups attention to the Pae Quotient Invento.

If goup membes have not completed this invento, ask them to do so this week.

Encouage couples to pa togethe at least thee times this week.

LOOKING AHEAD

Sa: Ou session next week is entitled Making Mone an Asset to Maiage.

Continue to eview Philippians 2:34 and Jeemiah 33:3. Pa togethe

convesationall at least a few times this week. Lets close the session with a bief

pae of thanksgiving, thanking God fo the pivilege we have to appoach Him in

pae.

PLANNING NOTES

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________


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L e ader Gu id e

SESSION 12:

MAKING MONEY AN ASSET TO MARRIAGE

Session 12 is a discussion of the mateials in chapte 11. Te goup will have

completed chapte 11 the week pio to the meeting. Duing this session, the goup

will conside making mone an asset to maiage.

OPENING ACTIvITY

Begin this session with a 58 minute peiod of convesational pae. If goup

membes aive late, the can oin the pae time. Encouage membes to be open

and honest and pa about anthing of concen. Follow the suggestions in last

weeks mateial on how to conduct convesational pae.

SCRIPTURE MEMORY

Have individual membes voluntee to quote the st ve veses we have

memoized. Also ask the goup to quote these veses in unison. Ten ask someone

to quote the vese we began memoizing this week (Luke 12:15).


Ask seveal goup membes to shae with the est of the goup thei pogess in the

dail shaing times. Ask if the note an impovement in the qualit of thei shaing

times since the beginning of the stud. Give oppotunit fo goup membes to ask

questions and make suggestions to each othe. Sa: Afte we have completed this

guide, we hope that each of ou will continue to have a dail shaing time with ou

spouse. Ma this last fo the est of ou lives.


Ask membes to shae with the goup the book in the Bible the pesentl ae

eading. Give oppotunit fo one o two membes to shae with the goup

something the have ead this week that has been exciting and meaningful to them.

BIBLE STUDY

Sa: Te Bible stud this week leads us in a discove of thee aeas of nancial

esponsibilit. Befoe question 1 in the membe book, ou ma want to cicle

the wodfrst; befoe question 6, the wod second; and befoe question 10, the

wod third. As the lead couple, this will help ou visualize the thee divisions

of the Bible stud.

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Begin with the st nancial esponsibilit: giving. Lead the goup in a discussion of

questions 15. Ask fo bief answes and povide an oppotunit fo goup membes

to ask questions. At the end of question 5, give the goup an oppotunit to shaepesonal testimonies of what giving has meant in thei lives o stuggles that the

ma have had with giving.

Te second aea of nancial esponsibilit is poviding fo the needs of ou families.

Tis involves ou esponsibilit to wok. Lead goup membes in a bief discussion

of questions 69, letting individual membes shae answes. Question 9 is especiall

inteesting. Tis Sciptue indicates that if we put ou giving to God st, He will

see that we will have the funds to meet the needs of ou families.

A thid aea of nancial esponsibilit is saving. Lead the goup in a discussion

of questions 1013. Afte consideing these questions, discuss the dieence

between saving and hoading. Te basic answe is one of attitude. Saving poects a

puposeful attitude; that is, saving to give, saving to meet futue needs of the famil.

Hoading poects an attitude of geed, accumulating as an end in itself. Te peson

who nds self-woth o emotional secuit in hoading lage sums of mone will

neve be able to save enough.

If time pemits, lead the goup in a discussion of the emaining questions.

LEARNING EXERCISE

Allow the goup to shae what the discoveed as the woked though the leaning

execise and discussed it with thei spouses. If couples will shae some individual

dieences the have esolved o ae woking on, this could be helpful to othes.

If goup membes have not completed this execise, encouage them to do so this

week.

LOOKING AHEAD

Sa: Ou nal session will be Developing Mutual Sexual Fulllment. Tis week,

ou will be asked to wite fom memo all six memo veses, so begin eal

in the week eviewing the veses. Begin the Bible stud eal in the week. End

the session with pae. Tank God fo each couple and the commitment the

have demonstated to stengthening thei maiage b being an active membe

of the goup.

Discuss the

dierence

between saving

and hoarding.

Te basic

answer is one

o attitude.


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L e ader Gu id e

PLANNING NOTES

_______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

Encourage

each

husband

to give

an honest

response to

what sharing

has meant to

him and his

marriage.

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SESSION 13:

DEvELOPING MUTUAL SEXUAL FULFILLMENT

Session 13 is a discussion of the mateial in chapte 12. Te goup will have

completed chapte 12 the week pio to the meeting. Tis is the nal session of this

stud. Te topic is developing mutual sexual fulllment.

OPENING ACTIvITY

Begin this session b focusing on convesations with God. Ask the wives to shae

with the goup a epot of thei esponses to this pat ofTe Marriage Youve Always

Wanted Bible Study. What has the dail quiet time meant in thei lives ove the

last thee months? Encouage each one to give a bief epot. Husbands ma make

comments o ask questions, but onl the wives will be shaing.


Ask husbands to shae with the goup thei esponses to the dail shaing times we

have been pacticing in Te Marriage Youve Always Wanted Bible Study. Encouage

each husband to give an honest esponse to what shaing has meant to him and his

maiage. Wives ma make comments o ask questions, but onl husbands ae asked

to shae.

Afte this epoting time, encouage couples to make this pactice a pat of thei

maied lives. Sa: Nothing is moe fundamental to maital gowth than a dail

shaing time with ou spouse. A couple cannot sta too fa fom each othe when

the consistentl have a dail shaing time. It is ou desie that ou make both the

dail quiet time with God and the dail shaing time with ou spouse a lifelong

pactice.

BIBLE STUDY

Fo the sake of time, begin the Bible stud discussion with question 4. Lead the

goup in a bief discussion of questions 47, encouaging seveal membes to

shae answes to the questions egading companionship and sexual adustment

in maiage. Conclude the stud b indicating that the Bible speaks candidl and

openl about sexual mattes. Husbands and wives must communicate if the ae to

have mutual sexual fulllment.


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L e ader Gu id e

LEARNING EXERCISE

Ask the goup fo thei geneal esponse to the leaning execise. Do not discuss

individual ideas but ask: In what wa did ou nd the leaning execise helpful?

Daw the goups attention to pages 115119 and the optional assignment. Indicate

that the fou books listed povide pactical help, and that most Chistian couples

will nd it a gowing expeience to wok though one o all of these books. Almost

all sexual poblems can be solved b caeful eading and discussion of the mateial in

these books.

LOOKING AHEAD

Use this time to allow goup membes to expess thei comments about Te

Marriage Youve Always Wanted Bible Study. Ask: What has this stud meant to

ou? Receive both positive and negative comments with an optimistic spiit.

Encouage goup membes to continue pacticing the skills the have leaned.

Indicate that some of the goup membes ma be inteested in seving as lead

couples to help othe couples go though Te Marriage Youve Always Wanted Bible

Study. Indicate that no couple can be a lead couple unless the have completed

the assignments fo the couse. If the ae inteested, the should complete all

assignments and talk with ou. If applicable, have the coodinato of the couse

talk with them. Indicate that it is the desie of chuch leades that all couples in the

chuch have the oppotunit to expeience Te Marriage Youve Always Wanted Bible

Study. Tis means seveal lead couples ae needed since goups ae limited to ve to

six couples to allow eveone to gain the most fom the goup expeience.

Man goups have found it valuable to have a social get-togethe about six weeks

afte the conclusion of the stud. Tis ma be a coveed-dish dinne o an infomal

fellowship in the home of one of the couples. Te pupose of this get-togethe is to

encouage each othe to continue to pactice the things the leaned in this stud,

and to encouage those who ma become futue leades. If the goup is inteested

in a get-togethe, the lead couple ma want to appoint two couples to plan and

coodinate it.

Conclude this nal session with a time of convesational pae. Reseve 8 to 10

minutes fo this pae time.

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PLANNING NOTES

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________

Husbands and

wives must

communicate

i they are

to have

mutual

sexual

ulfllment.


42/42

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