Leaving Home – Leaving Home –

►Reasons:Reasons: Independence (job, friends…)Independence (job, friends…) School - EducationSchool - Education Marriage/co-habitationMarriage/co-habitation MilitaryMilitary Missionary ServiceMissionary Service

System’s Theory:System’s Theory:

►Consider the costs and benefits of staying Consider the costs and benefits of staying at home vs. leaving:at home vs. leaving: Privacy from parental supervision Privacy from parental supervision Independence from their parentsIndependence from their parents Companionship and financial/emotional support they Companionship and financial/emotional support they

receive from parentsreceive from parents Save money while living with parents for resources, Save money while living with parents for resources,

education, future housing or weddings…education, future housing or weddings… The age at which young people choose to live The age at which young people choose to live

independently of their parents is increasing gradually. independently of their parents is increasing gradually. Young adults are choosing to live with their parents Young adults are choosing to live with their parents longer.longer.

The Decision to Leave HomeThe Decision to Leave Home

►Occurs earlier when there is a conflict at Occurs earlier when there is a conflict at homehome

►Children of divorced parents are more Children of divorced parents are more likely to leave home – especially if one likely to leave home – especially if one or both of the parents have remarriedor both of the parents have remarried

►Living at home is cheaper than living Living at home is cheaper than living alone or with roommatesalone or with roommates

►Women usually decide to leave home Women usually decide to leave home earlier than men doearlier than men do

Expectations of TeenagersExpectations of Teenagers

►Make a list of 10 expectations you Make a list of 10 expectations you have of yourself for your futurehave of yourself for your future

►Adolescents in Canada are optimistic Adolescents in Canada are optimistic about their futures as adultsabout their futures as adults

►A study of attitudes and values of teens A study of attitudes and values of teens aged 15-19, showed that most expected aged 15-19, showed that most expected to graduate from school, pursue a to graduate from school, pursue a career, marry, and be better off than career, marry, and be better off than their parents.their parents.

► Bibby, Reginald. Expectations of Teenagers. Bibby, Reginald. Expectations of Teenagers. Canada’s Canada’s Teens: Today, Yesterday and TomorrowTeens: Today, Yesterday and Tomorrow. 2001. 2001

Expectation:Expectation: % Indicating ‘Yes’% Indicating ‘Yes’NationaNationa

llMalesMales FemalesFemales

Pursue a careerPursue a career 9595 9393 9696Get the job you want when you Get the job you want when you graduategraduate 8686 8686 8686

Stay with the same career for lifeStay with the same career for life 6262 6161 6262Get marriedGet married 8888 8787 8989Eventually stay home and raise your Eventually stay home and raise your childrenchildren 4545 4747 4343

Own your own homeOwn your own home 9696 9797 9696Be more financially comfortable Be more financially comfortable than your parentsthan your parents 7979 8181 7777

Have to work overtime in order to Have to work overtime in order to get aheadget ahead 4444 4848 4141

Travel extensively outside CanadaTravel extensively outside Canada 7272 6868 7777Be involved in your communityBe involved in your community 6565 6262 6868

► In North America, when individuals In North America, when individuals achieve adult status, they are achieve adult status, they are expected to become a self reliant expected to become a self reliant person.person.

►Consider the Family Life Cycle TheoryConsider the Family Life Cycle Theory

The Family Life Cycle TheoryThe Family Life Cycle Theory

►The emotional and intellectual The emotional and intellectual stages you pass through from stages you pass through from childhood to your retirement childhood to your retirement years as a member of a society years as a member of a society and a familyand a family

Stage 1: Independence Stage 1: Independence StageStage

Single AdulthoodSingle Adulthood►Most critical stage of the family life Most critical stage of the family life

cycle – focus is on building your own cycle – focus is on building your own identityidentity

►As a young adult, you begin to As a young adult, you begin to separate emotionally from your familyseparate emotionally from your family

► Strive to become fully able to support Strive to become fully able to support

yourself emotionally, physically, yourself emotionally, physically, socially, and financiallysocially, and financially

►Intimacy is a vital skill to developIntimacy is a vital skill to develop

►Intimacy is the ability to develop Intimacy is the ability to develop and maintain close relationships and maintain close relationships that can endure hard times and that can endure hard times and other challengesother challenges

►Depends on how successful you Depends on how successful you were at developing your individual were at developing your individual identity earlier in lifeidentity earlier in life

►Exploring interests and career Exploring interests and career goals is part of developing goals is part of developing independence. independence.

►To live successfully away from To live successfully away from your family, you must develop your family, you must develop financial and emotional financial and emotional independence. independence.

►Important qualities you develop Important qualities you develop during this phase include:during this phase include: TrustTrust MoralsMorals Initiative Initiative Work ethic Work ethic Identity (who you are in the world)Identity (who you are in the world)

Stage 2: Coupling StageStage 2: Coupling Stage

►Commitment to a new family and Commitment to a new family and a new way of lifea new way of life

►When you marry, you combine When you marry, you combine

your family system with your your family system with your spouse's. spouse's.

►This requires reshaping your and This requires reshaping your and your spouse's goals. your spouse's goals.

►In the most functional marriages, In the most functional marriages, partners have the ability to take partners have the ability to take two different points of view and two different points of view and create an option that neither create an option that neither person had considered. person had considered.

►The ultimate goal = to achieve The ultimate goal = to achieve interdependence (occurs when you interdependence (occurs when you are able to fully enter into a are able to fully enter into a relationship with another person)relationship with another person)

►Requires that you share goals and Requires that you share goals and that you are able to occasionally that you are able to occasionally place the needs of another above place the needs of another above your ownyour own

►You must have first acquired a high You must have first acquired a high degree of independencedegree of independence

►The relationship skills you learn in The relationship skills you learn in coupling serve as a foundation for other coupling serve as a foundation for other relationships, such as parent-childrelationships, such as parent-child Interpersonal communicationInterpersonal communication Problem-solving skills Problem-solving skills Common spiritual and emotional Common spiritual and emotional

development goalsdevelopment goals How to form boundaries in relationships How to form boundaries in relationships When to place the needs or importance of When to place the needs or importance of

the other person above your ownthe other person above your own

Stage 3: Parenting Stage 3: Parenting Babies Through Babies Through

AdolescentsAdolescents►Parenting young children:Parenting young children:► Caring for young children cuts into the Caring for young children cuts into the

amount of time you might otherwise amount of time you might otherwise spend alone or with your spouse spend alone or with your spouse

► Specific goals when young children join Specific goals when young children join your family are:your family are: Adjusting your marital system to make Adjusting your marital system to make

space for children. space for children. Taking on parenting roles. Taking on parenting roles. Realigning your relationships with your Realigning your relationships with your

extended family to include parenting and extended family to include parenting and grand-parenting roles. grand-parenting roles.

►Specific goals during the stage of Specific goals during the stage of parenting adolescents include:parenting adolescents include: Shifting parent-child relationships to Shifting parent-child relationships to

allow the child to move in and out of allow the child to move in and out of the family system. the family system.

Shifting focus back to your midlife Shifting focus back to your midlife marital and career issues. marital and career issues.

Beginning a shift toward concern for Beginning a shift toward concern for older generations in your extended older generations in your extended family. family.

Stage 4: Empty Nest Stage 4: Empty Nest Launching Adult ChildrenLaunching Adult Children

►Developing adult relationships Developing adult relationships with your children with your children

►Challenged to accept new Challenged to accept new members into your family through members into your family through your children's marriages or your children's marriages or relationshipsrelationships

► This is a time when your health and This is a time when your health and energy levels may decline. Some energy levels may decline. Some people are diagnosed with chronic people are diagnosed with chronic illnesses. illnesses.

► Symptoms of these diseases can limit Symptoms of these diseases can limit normal activities and even long-normal activities and even long-enjoyed pastimes. enjoyed pastimes.

►Health issues related to midlife may Health issues related to midlife may begin to occur and can include:begin to occur and can include: High blood pressure (hypertension), Weight High blood pressure (hypertension), Weight

problems, Arthritis, Menopause, Heart problems, Arthritis, Menopause, Heart disease (coronary artery disease), disease (coronary artery disease), Depression, Stress-related illnesses. Depression, Stress-related illnesses.

►Specific goals to attain at this Specific goals to attain at this stage include:stage include: Refocusing on your marriage without Refocusing on your marriage without

children.children. Developing adult relationships with Developing adult relationships with

your grown children. your grown children. Realigning relationships to include Realigning relationships to include

in-laws and grandchildren when your in-laws and grandchildren when your children begin their own familieschildren begin their own families

Stage 5: Retirement or Stage 5: Retirement or Senior Stage of LifeSenior Stage of Life

►Specific goals to reach for at this Specific goals to reach for at this final stage of your family life cycle final stage of your family life cycle include:include: Maintaining your own interests and Maintaining your own interests and

physical functioning, along with those physical functioning, along with those of your spouse, as your body ages. of your spouse, as your body ages.

Exploring new family and social roles. Exploring new family and social roles. Providing emotional support for your Providing emotional support for your

adult children and extended family adult children and extended family members. members.

►Providing support for the older Providing support for the older generation generation

►Loss of a spouse, siblings, and Loss of a spouse, siblings, and other peers, and preparing for other peers, and preparing for your own deathyour own death

►Reviewing your life and reflecting Reviewing your life and reflecting on all you have learned and on all you have learned and experienced during your life cycleexperienced during your life cycle