Level 4 exemplars and comments Paper 1 Sample 1: Part I ... · Sample 1: Extended Essay: The Seemingly Unremitting Bleakness in Philip Larkin’s Poetry. Comments . The essay would

Level 4 exemplars and comments

Paper 1

Sample 1:

Part I, Section A, Question 4

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Comments

This answer discusses a wide range of symbols and how they contribute to the impact of Lord of the

Flies. Extensive analysis is given, in particular, to the symbolic roles of Piggy’s glasses, the fire and

the conch. There are a number of insightful ideas, but also some unnecessary details which, to a

certain degree, diminishes the forcefulness of the argument. Given its importance, the symbol of the

Lord of the Flies should have been greater consideration in the response.

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Sample 2:

Part II, Question 22

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Comments

A sound approach to tackling the question is evident in this answer. The candidate selects

appropriate scenes from The Painted Veil and “The Lottery” and analyses in detail the characters’

actions and words, or their lack of communication, to show how mental suffering and physical

suffering are presented. There is also an attempt to explore how filmic techniques such as camera

shots and lighting are employed for such purpose in The Painted Veil. The answer could have scored

even higher if further consideration had been paid to the narrative devices Jackson uses in her story.

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Paper 2

Sample 1:

Section B, Question 6

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(i) Effectively points out differences but the candidate needs to pick up on the finer nuances of

meaning in each poem to achieve a stronger mark. Lots of room to develop this answer

critically in terms of symbolism and tone. Describing the tone of (B) as “ambitious and

ruled” weakens this response considerably.

(ii) The andidate selects appropriate adjectives but doesn’t move far enough beyond the

perfunctory in explaining their function or indicating an awareness of word connotation.

(iii) A good range of devices identified and a reasonable attempt to link technique to meaning.

Room for a tighter explanation though.

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Sample 2:

Section C, Question 8

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Sample 2:

Section C, Question 8

Comments

(i) Covers obvious differences in a succinct manner. A tendency to over-analyse and make

assumptions weakens the answer somewhat – e.g. “humans have to know more and more”.

(ii) Demonstrates an awareness of tone and its effect.

(iii) Identifies obvious differences but answer is too basic in scope to merit higher marks. A

stronger answer would explain why the last lines “seem a bit more formal”.

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Paper 3

Sample 1:

Extended Essay: The Seemingly Unremitting Bleakness in Philip Larkin’s Poetry

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Comments

The essay would have been a more convincing one if the candidate has framed the title into a

question instead of a noun phrase. It is a bit confusing whether the candidate is commenting on the

‘unremitting bleakness’ or is challenging such a description of Larkin’s poems. The use of headings

also mars the coherence of the essay. The connection between the different sections needs to be

more explicitly explained. The tone of the essay is more descriptive than analytical. A more detailed

textual analysis of the two poems to support the thesis is desired. A more comprehensive discussion

of the poetic techniques is needed.

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Sample 2:

Extended Essay: Music is the Metaphor for Love – An Analysis of the Treatment of Music in The

Piano

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Piano

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Piano

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Piano

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Piano

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Piano

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Piano

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Piano

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Piano

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Piano

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Piano

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Piano

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Piano

Comments

The candidate has followed the task throughout the essay and some analysis has been made on the

metaphorical meaning of the piano in the movie. It is a focussed and structured essay. However, the

inner feelings of the female character have not been adequately explored. More has to be said on the

emotional piano rendering of the female character. Part of the discussion is descriptive and the

discussion of the screen shots is also factual rather than analytical. The lyrics of the two songs

should have been discussed further, too.

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Level 4 exemplars and comments Paper 1 Sample 1: Part I ... · Sample 1: Extended Essay: The Seemingly Unremitting Bleakness in Philip Larkin’s Poetry. Comments . The essay would