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Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
WelcomeWelcome
Communication with Others
Centre for Advancement of Men’s Health (CAMH)
Mildura
www.mannet.com.au
Presented by
Bernard Denner
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents WelcomeWelcomeUnderstanding & Engaging
Males…to
‘Reduce Early
Male Mortality’ Presented by
Bernard Denner
Men’s Health Educator & Advocate
Men’s Awareness Network (MAN) &
Centre for Advancement of Men’s Health (CAMH)
Mildura Victoria Australia
www.mannet.com.au
&
Mallee Track Health & Community Service
Ouyen Victoria Aust.
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
What WE are looking at today
• A bit about me
• Communication
• Parents / Teachers
• Girls / Boys / Dating
• Sex
• Pitfalls
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Who am I?
Bernard DennerHealth Educator /Projects Manager
Bloke 55 yearsDivorced 12 yearsDaughters - 18 and 20 years
Vietnam Veteran 3RAR…Infantry/Scout
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
mannet.com.au
website of CAMH/Men’s Health
Averages monthly:
Up to 68,000 hits & 11,250+ sessions
Rated in top 15% of 1.7m www domains
in 2001
“Who said men weren’t interested
in their health”
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
My work since 1994 focuses on providing Programs that address issues associated with:
Men
Adolescents
Workplace Health
Women Understanding Men
and Farmsafety in Primary Schools
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Australian Mortality Rates National - 1999
15-24 years
Cause of Death Males Females %Rate
Suicide 398 71 435%
Cancer 95 47 202%
Leukemia 35 11 318%
Transport Accident 407 116 350%
Drugs 68 27 251%
Source: Causes of Death, ABS, 1999
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Australian Mortality Rates Loddon Mallee Health Region - 1994
Cause of Death Males Females %Rate
Suicide 25 7 357%
Cancer 309 230 134%
Heart Disease 122 49 248%
Source: DHS, Measures of Health Status and Health Services in Victoria, 1994
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Communication in all aspects of Life is Important
Whether it be with adults, friends, family or members of the opposite sex
Good communication is the Solution to lots of problems
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Know yourself•Get to know and like yourself
•Become aware of your feelings and values; don’t be pushed into betraying them
•If you’re not sure what you think and feel, WAIT; don’t rush yourself
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
•Think about the decisions you make, their consequences and their effect on yourself and on others
•Talk to the people you care about, let them know what you think and feel
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
•Accept that you will make mistakes, and learn from them
•BE YOURSELF
Source: Be yourself, Love Sex and You, A Guide for Teenagers, Vicki Wootten
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
SwearingThe constant use of the “F” or “C” words:
•Doesn’t make you an Adult
•Doesn’t make you tough
•Doesn’t attract nice girls/boys
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Constant Swearing is
UNATTRACTIVE
Swearing at teachers is
UNACCEPTABLE
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Other unacceptable language is:
Put downs of other people, especially females:
e.g idiot, bitch, slut, spastic, dickhead, moron, son of a bitch, poofter, dyke,’You’re Gay’
What other words do you dislike?Source: Bernard Denner
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Other unacceptable BOY THINGS
Labelling
Girls don’t like it!
Source: Bernard Denner
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Who are Parents?
What is a Parent?
What is Parenting Love?
Parenting is important!
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
• Pick the right time
• Prepare yourself
• Work within the Boundaries
• Prepare some alternativeoptions
• Remind Parents - You’re older
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
• Don’t lose your cool
• Negotiate calmly
• Give and take
Don’t put one parent against the other - remember you will never win doing this.
Source: Bernard J. Denner
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
• Use Good examples to get your
Point Across
• Like someone your Parents
Respect and Like
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
How important areTeachers?
What’s their job?
Maybe your future partly depends on
them!
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
•Pick the right time
Ask for an appointment / suitable time in advance
Don’t try to solve a problem or argue in front of the whole
class
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
•Prepare yourself
What do you want to say
What do you hope to achieve
Alternative outcomes that are acceptable to you and the
Teacher
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
•Work within the boundaries
•Don’t lose your cool
•Negotiate calmly
•Understand that teachers are human and can make mistakes
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
•Don’t promise what you can’t deliver - be realistic about your goals and work towards them
•Give and take
Source: Bernard J. Denner and Gail Allan
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
DisciplineBoundaries
Rules
By Parents,Teachers
and other adults … You Should ask yourself ...
WHY?
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
IT MEANS …...
That they ... CARE
Want to ... GUIDE
EDUCATE
and SUPPORT YOU
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Thoughts for Adolescents - …………...School
School is also chance to develop:
• Lifeskills
• Form opinions
• Learn about themselves
• Be educated for Life
• Socialise
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
School is a chance to work on:
• Coping with difficult people
• Coping with difficult situations
• and to LISTEN AND LEARN
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
•Approach
Not to be threatening or Aggressive
•Smile
•Don’t Act too cool
•Speak in a lower tone of voice
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
•Don’t
Act too cool
“Bullshit”
Be a Hero
Talk only about yourself
Talk about how tough you are
or what a legend you areAdvice from 3 teenage girls
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
•Talk about
Music
Sport
TV Programs
Their interests
Your interests
Ask questions
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
•Don’t act stupid
•THINK before you SPEAK
•Have something sensible to Say
•You don’t have to swear
•Talk about their things
•Ask about things
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Most of all
Introduce yourself properly to a new friend
and
Smile
Source: Bernard Denner
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
“Unthreatening” approach
Speak clearly
Invitation to be made with warmth
Such as …….
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
“Would you like to ….
go with me to the ice hockey?”
go with me to the basketball?”
go with me to the mall / shops?”
go for a walk?”
go to the pictures?
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
NOT
“Would you like to meet me somewhere”
or “I’m not doing anything Sat”
or “just broke up with”
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Phone Etiquette
When phoning, speak politely to the parents, if they answer.
You need their support - having good manners impresses.
Remember to identify yourself clearly.
Source: Bernard J. Denner
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Communication in all aspects of Life is Important
Whether it be with adults, friends, family or members of the opposite sex
Good communication is the Solution
to lots of problems
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
What is Sex?Male or Female
Communication between couples
Pleasure between couples
Demonstration of Feelings/Affection
Provides Intimacy
Making Babies or Just for FUN
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Another outcome of the MAN Model
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Lifeskills Program for AdolescentsTop 10 Issues - Comparison Central Victoria/Canada – Boys – 15/16yrs
CentralVictoria
Issue Canada Issue
1 Sex 1 Relationships2 Relationships 2 Sex3 Dating 3 Social Skills4 Dealing with girls 4 Dating, Jobs for Me5 Sexuality / intimacy 5 Drinking6 Drinking 6 Sexuality/Intimacy7 Jobs for me 7 Living together8 Social skills 8 Talking to Teachers9 Career Paths 9 Knowledge
10 Being a bloke 10 Emotions/Depression
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Why Girls and Boys Experienced Activities
46%
41%
6%3% 3%
1%
46%
40%
6%4%
1%3%
0%
10%
20%
30%
40%
50%
Fun Find Out Peer Pressure "It's Illegal" Forced Show Off
% o
f re
spo
nse
s
Girls
Boys
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
WHY NOT?
Reason Boys Girls% of Responses % of Responses
Not ready / interested 36% 35%
“It’s Illegal” 28% 11%
Safer 19% 39%
Parents 17% 15%
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Year 10 Boys and Girls Experiences
87%
69%
40%33%
19% 18%
87%80%
52%
31% 29%24%
0%
20%
40%
60%
80%
100%
% o
f Yes
resp
onse
s
Boys
Girls
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Would you practice safe sex?
98%94%
2%6%
0%
20%
40%
60%
80%
100%
Boys Girls
% o
f res
pons
es
Yes
No
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Reasons For Not Practicing Safe Sex
0%
10%
20%
30%
40%
50%
60%
70%
80%
Affected bydrink / drugs
Forgot acondom
Pressure not to Think it’s betterw ithout acondom
Other
% o
f R
esp
on
ses
Girls
Boys
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Do you need someone to talk to?
23%
88%
77%
12%
0%
20%
40%
60%
80%
100%
Boys Girls
% o
f res
pons
esYes
No
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Who would you like to speak to?
43%
20%
16%
8%
1%
5%7%
51%
17% 17%
7%5%
3%1%
0%
10%
20%
30%
40%
50%
60%
Your friends Your parent(s) Someoneelse
Studentcounsellor
Communityworker
Doctor (GP ) Your teacher
% o
f re
spon
ses
Boys
Girls
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
What is Love?It is based on friendship, affection, mutual respect, admiration, thoughtfulness, sharing and caring
Involves good communication and listening
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Does not involve any physical, emotional or sexual violence
Is not instant or perfect
Love at first sight is more likely to be lust at first sight
Source: Unzipped: Everything teenagers want to know about Love, Sex and Each other, B. Donaghy
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
What is Lust?Is a physical response that involves sexual arousal
It is being “turned on” sexually
Is a short-term emotion
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Can get you into trouble (ie lust can make you do something you wouldn’t normally do, eg not using a condom)
LUST ...Is not always love
You can love and lust at the same time, but they are not the same thing
Source: Unzipped: Everything teenagers want to know about Love, Sex and Each other, B. Donaghy
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
What is sexual activity?Masturbation …..?
Kissing, Pashing …..?
Feeling, touching someone else ….?
Mutual masturbation …..?
Oral sex …..?
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Or
All the WAY
Anal intercourse …..?
Bonking, sexual intercourse …..?
Source: Bernard J. Denner
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Sexual Activity
Needs
Permission or Consent
Source: Bernard J. Denner
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Do I feel old enough and responsible enough to be doing this?
Am I doing this for me or for him / her?
Am I prepared to use a condom?
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
If something goes wrong and we become pregnant, am I prepared for that responsibility?
Am I just trying to prove something to myself or him / her?
How will I feel about him / her afterwards?
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
How will I feel about myself?
Has Sex - Solved the Problem?
Has Sex - made me Feel Better?
Source: Unzipped: Everything teenagers want to know about Love, Sex and Each other, B. Donaghy
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
What is sex for?
There are several main answers to the question “what is sex for?” and many people feel that the ‘true’ answer is a combination of these:
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
•Sex is for the survival of the species (human beings).
•Sex is for making babies.
•Sex is part of partnership; it cements the relationship.
•Sex is showing feelings of love or affection between people.
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
•Sex is for pleasure.
•Sex is better between committed couples.
•Good Sex is more than just Bonking.
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
•Unwanted Pregnancy
•Sexual Diseases
•Interrupted Study
•Alienation from friends
•Depression
•Being used
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Always check the Use By Date on condoms to ensure that they are effective.
Use a lubricant to ensure condom doesn’t break.
The Pill does not always WORK
•Medication
•Drunk and Vomit
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Defacto couples who marry have a 50% Higher divorce rate than those who just
marry
46% of Australian marriages break downWomen initiate divorce 4 in 5 cases
75% De facto couples separate after 4 years
25% separate after 1st 12 months
Australian Example:
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Divorce Issues…
Declining stability of relationship
Communication
Intimacy/Feelings
Solving of issues
Engaging in difficult times
Feelings of Future
Lifeskills Program for AdolescentsRELATIONSHIPSRELATIONSHIPSWhat’s ImportantWhat’s Important• Communication• Connection• Understanding the other person• Real feelings• Mateship• Friendship• Supportive But not always Fixing• Consideration• Affection• Above all….. that they know your LOVEAbove all….. that they know your LOVE
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Drinking
If you choose to drink you should consider the following pieces of advice
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
•Be clear about why you are drinking
•Be responsible for yourself and others
•Don’t take risks with yourself or others
•Drink in a safe place
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
•Take a limited amount of alcohol with you
•Low alcohol beer is cheaper and tends to make you feel full before you are drunk
•Pour your own drinks / open your own bottles
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
•Finish your glass first, don’t “top” it up
•Arrange for safe transport home
•Make a safety pact with a friend before drinking
•Alternate alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks and avoid salty snacks
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
•Finish the night by drinking water - it won’t make you sober, but you will feel better in the morning
•Never drink and drive, climb or swim
Source: Rob and Kerry Grant
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Unsafe DrinkingCould lead to:
•Unsafe sexual behaviour
•Aggression / Fighting
•Targetting / Harrassing Girls
•Drugs
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
•Stronger Drinks
•Risky behaviour such as:
unsafe swimming
unsafe driving
•Hospitalisation through injury from risky behaviour or alcoholic poisoning
Source: Bernard J. Denner
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
ALWAYS THINK ABOUT
How would you
Like to be TREATED
… OTHERS DESERVE
the SAME
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
As a personI need to be
Healthy and Happy
THAT YOU FEEL GOOD
Most of the TIME
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Why .....?• So that you don’t put
yourself at risk,
• or your relationships
at risk
Lifeskills Program for Adolescents
Who’s A Winner
The person who does their best.
That they achieve their Personal Best.
THEY are a Winner.Source: Bernard Denner
Inspired by Simon Madden