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Lighten Up—Develop Your Sense of Humor

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JeanneRobertsonisanAmericanhumoristandspeakerwhoperformstothousandsoffanseachyearandhasmillionsofviewsonYouTube.Sheusesanecdotalhumorbasedonher6’2”lifewithheranalyticalhusbandshefondlycalls“leftbrain”.Thiswomanwhoisoverseventyknowshowtousehersenseofhumorforsuccess.

Shesayshumorisaboutacceptingwhatyoucan’tchangeaboutyourselfandfindingthehumorinyoursituations.Peopleoftenmissoutonthefunnystuffthathappensdailybecausetheyaren’tpayingattentionordon’tmakeitaprioritytolookforthehumor.WhatmakesJeanneRobertson’shumorsopopularisherapproach.Shesays,“Youshouldnevergetalaughatsomeoneelse’sexpense.”Humorisn’taboutputdownonelinersortellingjokes.It’saboutbeingabletoseetheworldthroughadifferentlens,laughingatyourself,beingsillyandplayful,havingahumormindset,andbeingabletorecallandsharehumorousevents.

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15 Laugh at Yourself

Doyouevermakemistakes?Haveanyflawsorweaknesses?Guesswhat?Makinglightofyourshortcomingsshowsyou’rehuman.And,it’salsoasignofresiliencyandmaturity.Hooray.Beingcomfortableenoughtolaughatyourselfalsosignalsasenseofhumor.InhisbookHumorasSurvivalTrainingforaStressed-OutWorld,humorresearcherDrPaulMcGheestates“Youcanpokefunatyourselfinawaythatiseitherfulloffun,acceptance,andpositivity,orthat’sbitter,rejecting,andnegative.It’sallinthespirityoubringtoit.”Beingabletolaughatyourselfcanendearyoutoothers.Why?Becauseyou’rewillingtoadmittoyourflaws,youappearhumanlikeeveryoneelse.You’rerelatableandthatmakestherestofusfeelcomfortable.What’simportantishowyoupresentyourflawsandflubs.Sometimesyoujustneedtolaughatyourself.Youneedtobecomfortableenoughwithyourselfandwhoyouaretodoso.

"Tolaughatyourselfistoloveyourself."—MickeyMouse

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Do you take yourself too seriously?

Answeryesornotothesequestions.Youranswerswillhelpyoudiscoverwaystolightenup.

1. Areyouabletosmileorlaughwhenyou’rethebuttofalight-heartedjoke?

! Yes ! No

2. Doyouoftenputyourselfinapositionwhereyoumightappearsilly,forexamplesingingkaraoke,gettingonthedanceflooratawedding,ortryingsomethingyoudon’tnormallydo?

! Yes ! No

3. Areyouabletoletacriticismorslightpassbywithouttakingitpersonally?

! Yes ! No

4. Doyouadmittoyourbadhabits? ! Yes ! No

5. Wouldyousmileorlaughataphotoofyourselfmakingasillyface,wearingatackyoutfit,orsportingahorriblehaircut?

! Yes ! No

6. Doyougetembarrassed(orafraidtoshowvulnerabilitybyaskinganobviousquestionoradmittingyoudon’tknowsomething)ifyoumakeamistake?

! Yes ! No

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Youranswers1. Yes:Chancesareyoupracticeabitofself-deprecating

humor.(Highfive.)No:Learntotakeyourselflessseriouslyandtryalittleself-deprecatinghumor.

2. Yes:Seemsyou’renotinhibitedandliketoparticipateinthefun.No:Timeto“Hitthedancefloor”andstepoutofyourcomfortzone.(Sia’ssong“CheapThrills”willgetyoumoving.)

3. Yes:Yourecognizesomeone’snegativecommentisaboutthatpersonandnotyou.You’reabletorollwiththepunches.No:Bettertotakeyourselflightlythanbeupset.Youmightgive“Laughatyourselffirst”humoratry.

4. Yes:Great.Youcanacknowledgeabadhabit.Nobiggie.Everyone’sgotthem.No:Ifyou’resensitiveaboutabadhabit,maybeithighlightsanareaforself-improvement.

5. Yes:You’reabletoseethehumor.Thumbsup.No:Thinkaboutwhenyouwereakidandhowyoulaughedatfunnyfaces.Enjoyalaugh.

6. Yes:That’sthespirit.Youknowhowtohandleanuncomfortablesituation.No:Everyoneexperiencestheoccasionalflub.Bekindtoyourselfandlearntobeembarrassed.

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Practice self-deprecating humor

Iliketothinkofself-deprecatinghumoraspokingfunatyourself—playfuljokingwithasenseofhumility.You’readmittingtosomecharactertraityouown.

Benefitsofusingself-deprecatinghumor

• Confidence—Admittingtoyourflawsandmistakescanmakeyouseemmoreconfident.

• Relatablity—Everyonecanidentifywithhumanfailingsandsopointingyoursoutmakesyoumorerelatableandhencelikeable.

• Approachablility—Self-deprecatinghumoralsomakesyouseemlessthreateningsoyouaremoreapproachable.

Andwhenyoulaughatyourselfinawaythatmakesotherslaugh,theyfeelgoodwhichhelpsbuildrapportandrelationships.

“It'sgoodtobeabletolaughatyourselfandtheproblemsyoufaceinlife.Senseofhumorcansaveyou.”—MargaretCho

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Tipstomakeself-deprecatinghumorworkforyouDo Don’t

• Makefunofshortcomingsyou’recomfortablewith.

• Useitwhenyou’reinsecureaboutsomething.

• Addresstheobvious(whatpeoplemightbethinking).

• Useittoofrequentlyoryou’llappeartohavelowself-esteem.

• Makefunofyourselfifit’snottrue.

• Useitwithliterallymindedpeoplewhomightnotunderstandtheirony.

• Sayitinacasualway. • Useitwithtoomuchemphasis,oryou’llappeartobefishingforcompliments.

• Useitinappropriate,lowrisksituationslikewithpeopleyouknowandarecomfortablewith.

• Useitinsituationslikejobinterviews,meetings,andwhensomeonegivesyouacompliment.

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Laugh at yourself f irst

InhisbookTheHealingPowerofHumor,authorAllenKleinsuggestsusing“laughatyourselffirst”humorasatechniquetodealwithcriticism.Hestates,“Anykindofdisadvantageordisabilitybecomeslessuncomfortablewhenyoucanlaughatitbeforeothersdo.”TakethecaseofDrewLynchwhosufferedathroatinjurywhenhewashitbyaballatacompanysoftballgame.Asaresult,hewasleftwithastutter.Fullofangerandfrustration,thisyoungmanbecamethebruntofhisownjokes.Heturnedhisdisabilityintoacomicactonnationaltelevision,byjokingabouthimselfworkingatadrive-thruandaspiringtobecomethevoiceofaGPSsystem.Weallhavetraits,whetherphysicalorpersonality,thatcharacteriseus.Sometraitsappearobviouslikeahairline,bustline,orjawline.Othertraitsspeaktoourcapabilitiesorhabits,whichmaybelackingorexaggerated.Whenwe’reopentosharingourshortcomingsinahumorousway,welaughatourselvesfirst.We’resayingtoothers,“Iknowwhatyou’rethinking,andI’mokaywithit”.Togettheadvantageonyoursensitivetraits,considerlaughingatyourselffirst.Todealwithjokesmadeatyourexpense,agoodstrategyistojointhelaughter.Farbettertotakeyourselflightlythanbedefensiveorangry.Astheexpressiongoes,“Rollwiththepunches.”

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Yourchallenge

1. Whatareyourdefiningcharactertraits?2. Findorwriteaonelineraboutoneofyourtraits.3. Howdoyoudealwithjokesmadeatyourexpense?Inspiration:WatchDrewLynchperformhisstandupset,whichyoucanfindonYouTubeorhiswebsite.

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Fake a habit

Hatetoworkout?Findvegetablesnauseating?Turnyourloathingofahealthyhabitintoasatiricaltiptoamuseyourselfandothers.ExampleYouwanttolookgoodbuthatetoexercise.Solution:Pretendyou’reathletic.How?1. Buyasportrackforyourcar.2. Makeguestappearancesatyourgym.3. WearaFitbitoryogapants.Ifyoupick#1,here’sasatiricaltip:Tip:Buyasportrackforyourcar

Makesureyougetthemostexpensivesportrack.Changeyourequipmentbytheseason(evenifyoudon’tuseit).Spring,mountyourbicycle.Summer,loadthekayak.Fall,remountthebicycle(becauseyou’rethatmuchofacyclingenthusiast).Winter,addyourskis(evenifyouliveinFlorida).

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Yourchallenge

Writeatipforahabityoustrugglewith.Inspiration:SearchtheInternetforSarahCooper’sblogpost“10waystoworkoutatthegymwithoutexercising”.

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Find a funny photo

Isthereaphotoofyousomewhereinyourarchiveslookinglessthanpictureperfect?Youhavetoadmitsillyfaces,extremehaircuts,andcrazylookingoutfitsarefunny.Youcanbeaghastasyoulookatyourselforthinkwhatawildandgoofypersonyouare.

Beingabletolaughatyourselfislinkedtohavinganupbeatpersonalityandthefoundationforagoodsenseofhumor.Twouniversityresearchers,UrsulaBeermannandWillibandRuch,conductedastudytoproveit.Intheirstudy,theydiscoveredparticipantswhowereabletolaughatdistortedphotosofthemselvestendedtobemorecheerfulandlessseriousoverall.Howdoyourespondwhenyouseeasillyphotoofyourself?

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Yourchallenge

Havesomeonetakeaphotoofyoumakingasillyface.(Ifyoualreadyhaveone,great.)Pasteithere.Whatwasyourreaction?

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Take the edge off your f lubs

Inthewordsofafamedpopstar,“Oops,Ididitagain.”Weallmakemistakes.Howwehandlethemthoughcanbeunenjoyableorfun.Considerascenariowhereyouinviteagroupofpeopletodinner.You’veputyourselfoutbytryingtoduplicateamealyousawononeofthosetelevisioncookingcompetitions.Afterservingyourwell-garnishedplatestoeachguest,youtakeyourfirstbite.

InthevoiceofGordonRamsey,youhearyourselfthinking“Whatthe@!%*?isinthis?”Butinstead,youusealittleself-deprecatinghumor.Youmightsay…

• “WelcometomyKitchenNightmare.”

• “Thankyouforparticipatinginthegreatestrecipebloopersofalltime.”

• “That’sthelasttimeIletthedoghelpmecook.”

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Yourchallenge

Writeahumorousresponseforeachofthesescenarios.1. Callingsomeonebythewrongnameormispronouncing

thename.2. Havingawardrobemalfunction.Discoveringyourshirt

orblouseisinsideoutorthetagisshowing.3. Beingcaughtatthestorewithnomoney.Youforgot

yourwalletorbankcardathome.

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16 Be Playful

Thepressuresandresponsibilitiesofadulthood(money,career,education,relationships,andhealthconcerns)canleadustolosethecarefreeabandonandplayfulnessofchildhood.Weoftenadoptaseriousattitudeaboutlife,whichdampensourjoyandhappiness.Wemightevenbelievethatbeingplayfulissillyandinappropriatebehaviorforadults.(Gasp.)AccordingtopsychologistShilaghMirgain,playcanincreasecreativity,relievestress,andimproveourmoodandourrelationshipswithothers.Playisvitaltoourwell-being.Shestates,“Inplaywefindthefreedomtocoloroutsidethelinesofourlife.”Unstructuredtimeandplaycanleadustoexperiment,useourimagination,andtrynewexperiences.Andhavingasenseofplayalsoopensthedoorwaytoenjoyingoursenseofhumor.

"Wedon'tstopplayingbecausewegrowold;wegrowoldbecausewestopplaying."—GeorgeBernardShaw

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Describe a playful person

Tobecomeaplayfulperson,it’shelpfultohaveapictureofwhatthatlookslike.Someofthephrasesfoundtodescribeaplayfulpersonare“cantakeajoke”,“laughsalot”,and“willingtobesilly”.

Yourchallenge

Answerthesequestionstohelpyoudefinewhatbeingplayfulmeanstoyou:Whodoyouknoworadmirethatisplayful?Whatarethecharactertraitsoftheplayfulpeopleyouknoworadmire?Howdoyoudefineaplayfulperson?Inspiration:StuartBrownisaleadingexpertonplaybehavior.ReadhisbookPlay:HowItShapestheBrain,OpenstheImagination,andInvigoratestheSoul.

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Remember chi ldhood play

WhenIwasachild,playinvolvedclimbingtrees,buildingfortsoutofblanketsandpillows,playinggames(insideandoutside),drawing,anddoingcrafts,goingswimmingandrollerskating.

Yourchallenge

Returntoyourchildhood.Whatdoyourememberabouthowyouplayed?Makealistoffunactivitiesyouenjoyed.Writeaboutoneofyourfondestplayfulchildhoodmemories.

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Choose a playful accessory

Doyouownanyfunaccessories?AnuglyChristmassweater,sillysocks,funnytie,wackyearrings,funkyglasses,orclownnose?

Yourchallenge

Takeaninventoryofyourplayfulaccessories.Putyourplayfulitemstogetherandtakeaphotoortakeoneofyourselfwearingyouraccessories.Pasteyourphotoonthenextpage.Ordrawyourselfwearingsomeplayfulaccessories.Tip:Ifyoudon’thaveanyplayfulaccessories,plantoaddonetoyourwardrobetoday.Youcanfindfunitemsatyourlocaldollarstore,partysupplystore,orfashionaccessorystore.Inspiration:Readthearticle“HowAPairOfRainbowSocksChangedMyLife”byTimDenning,whichisavailableonMedium.com.

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Create a fun activity l ist

Whatdoyoudoforfun?Thinkaboutit.Howoftendoyoumaketimetoenjoyyourself?Ifyou’velostyoursenseofplay,lifecanfeeldrearyandmundane.Andyoumightnotevenknowwhatyouenjoy.Youcanenjoyafunactivityonyourownorinagroup.Ifyoufindyourselfalonealot,thenyoumightwanttotryanactivityinvolvingothers.Andifyou’realwaysaroundothers,perhapsyoumighttrysomesoloactivitiestobecomfortablewithalonetime.Playdoesn’thavetocostmoney.Youcanpulloutadeckofcardsandorganizeanightofeuchre.Dustoffyourbikeandgoforacycle.Orspendsomefuntimewithyourgrandchildrenatthepark.Inspiration:Meetupisaworld-widesocialnetworkingsitewhereyoucanfindandjoingroupswithsharedinterests.YoucansearchMeetupbyinterestcategories,keywords,andspecifyarangeoflocations.Gotomeetup.com,andtakealooktoseewhatgroupsofinterestareinyourarea.

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Yourchallenge

Makealistof25funactivitiesyouwouldenjoy.Feelfreetoaddsomeoutoftheboxideastochallengeyourcomfortzone.1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25.

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Schedule t ime to play

Yourchallenge

Chooseafunactivity(refertoyourlist).Chooseadateandtimeforyouractivity.Markitonyourcalendar.

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Play with a prop

Youcancreateacomicalscenebyposingwithapropormimickingagesture.Thepossibilitiesarelimitedonlybyyourimagination.Examples

Mom,Goldilocksfaintedagain.

AGHHHH

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Yourchallenge

Findastatueorprop.Interactwithit,ormimicitspose.Havesomeonetakeaphoto.Pasteyourphotoonthispage.Shareyourphotoonlinewiththehashtag#HumorUp.Note:Ifyoudon’thaveastatue,posewithafriendorfamilymember.Orsimplyfindafunnyphotoonline,andcaptionit.Tip:Forideas,searchtheInternetforfunnyphotoswithstatuesorfunnyphotoswithprops.

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Step out of your comfort zone

Steppingoutofyourcomfortzonefromtimetotimeisgoodforyou.Changingyourroutineorpredictablebehaviorcanbreakarut.Challengingyourselfcanleadtopersonalgrowth.Andgivingfearthefingercanbuildconfidence.

IdeastostepoutofyourcomfortzoneAddimagestothistopicDoaneverydayroutineortaskdifferentlyLookathowyougoaboutyourdayandmakeachange.Alwayslistentotheradioinyourcarbutneversing.Letloose.Singthat(insertyourfavoritesinger)tune.Avoidanannoyingneighbororcoworker,talktothatperson.Trytoswitchadailyhabitsomehow.Makenoteofhowitfeels.MakeadecisiondifferentlyIfyou’reaquickdecisionmaker,trytakingyourtime.Dosomeresearch.Weightheoptions.Thinkinsteadofreact.Ifyou’reaslowdecisionmaker,dotheopposite.Don’toverthink.Forgettheresearch.Beabitimpulsiveandmakeaswiftdecision.Anddon’tsecond-guessyourself.Eitherway,getuncomfortablewithmakingasmalldecision.StretchyourselfLearnanewskill.Volunteer.Meetsomeonenew.Connectwithpeoplewhoinspireyou.Travel.Takeupanewhobby.You’vegotlotsofwaystopushyourselfoutsideyourcomfortzone.

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Tryaweird(foryou)experienceIfyoualwaysdoandtrythesametypeofactivities,lifecanbeboring.Chooseanexperienceoractivitythat’soutofcharacterforyou.Surpriseyourself.AddimagestothistopicFaceafearFearandoverwhelmcanholdusbackfrombreakingoutofourcomfortzone.Afraidofpublicspeaking?StartbylisteningtosomeTEDtalks.Buyafewbooks.AttendaToastmaster’smeetingasaguest.Whateveryourfear,writedownsomesmallsteps,makeaplan,andtakeaction.

"Ventureoutsideyourcomfortzone.Therewardsareworthit."—Rapunzel,Tangled(Disney)

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Yourchallenge

1. Doonesmallacttostepoutofyourcomfortzonetoday.Seethelistofideasonthepreviouspages.Writedownwhatyoudid.Howdiditfeel?

2. Nowchooseabiggergoaltostepoutofyourcomfort

zone.Whatisthefirststepyoucantaketoaccomplishit?

3. Whenwillyoudoit?Scheduleitonyourcalendar.Inspiration:WatchTheSecretLifeofWalterMitty,amoviebasedonJamesThurber’smostfamousshortstory.JamesThurberwasanAmericancartoonist,author,humorist,journalist,playwright,andcelebratedwit.