LIKE GLUE: MAKING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS STICK

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Practical principles. Meaningful relationships.

Super Glue® can fix just about anything. Dab a few drops of the sticky stuff on broken things, and suddenly those shattered pieces are bonded together, almost like magic.

What if there was a Super Glue for fractured relationships? How much cash would you fork over for even a tiny tube of such wonderful stuff?

Does a friend no longer take your calls or respond to your texts?

Has your marriage become mediocre?

Do you have a work relationship that needs some repair?

You’re not alone. At times, we all struggle to keep our relationships intact.

In “Like Glue: Making Your Relationships Stick,” you’ll discover practical principles for building lifelong, meaningful friendships with others. You’ll learn simple ways to keep marriage fresh and to remove the baggage that can weigh down church, work, and personal relationships.

Here’s the great news: relationships that have grown cold can be revived—with the right “bonding agent,” of course.

Love, encouragement, forgiveness, service, humility, and acceptance—these six ingredients from God’s Word can make your relationships stick like glue. Are you ready for a relational tune-up? Are you eager to see others draw closer to you? Then apply these truths to your life and see what God can do through your obedience. Only He can create the bond with others that you’ve always longed for.

Ben Mandrell

Dr. Mandrell serves as a church planter with the North American Mission Board in Denver, Colorado. Previously, he was the Pastor of Englewood Baptist Church in Jackson, Tennessee. Ben loves pouring into people and watching the unique way God’s

Word transforms their lives. To contact Ben, check out StoryLineFellowship.com or Twitter @benmandrell.

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SESSION 1

STICK WITH LOVE

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Q U E S T I O N #1

What foods do you like best straight out of the oven?

#BSFLlove

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THE BIBLE MEETS LIFENobody likes the ends of the bread loaf. I have four small kids who can make a sport out of arguing. But in the 10 years I’ve been their dad, never once have I heard one of my children scream, “No, I want the crusty, super-stale, cardboard-like pieces!” Never. Kids want the fresh stuff. And so do adults.

Relationships are a little like those heels of bread. Over time, they tend to become hardened—even unappealing. Fortunately, the Bible gives us a surefire method for keeping our connections from going stale. If you’re a follower of Jesus Christ, you have the power within you to produce incredible freshness in the lives of others. This method for growing phenomenal relationships is foolproof, but it’s not free. This deep connection is love.

Are you disappointed in the way your relationships are turning out? Are you sick and tired of watching people walk out of your life? Do you long to go deeper with those around you? If so, look closely at the words of Jesus as He explained the dynamics of love.

THE POINT

Let love permeate every relationship.

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WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

Remain (v. 9)—A believer’s continual connection to Christ, like branches connected to a vine, is necessary for spiritual health and yields the fruit of love for others.

My friends (v. 14)—In the Old Testament, only Abraham (see 2 Chron. 20:7) and Moses (see Ex. 33:11) were called friends of God. Jesus extended this honor to all of His disciples.

John 15:9-14 (HCSB)

9 “As the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you.

Remain in My love.

10 If you keep My commands you will remain in My

love, just as I have kept My Father’s commands and

remain in His love.

11 “I have spoken these things to you so that My joy

may be in you and your joy may be complete.

12 This is My command: Love one another as I have

loved you.

13 No one has greater love than this, that someone

would lay down his life for his friends.

14 You are My friends if you do what I command you.

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John 15:9-10I woke up one morning craving coffee so fiercely that I sprang from the mattress and sprinted to the coffee maker. (Actually, I do this every day.) A steaming cup of coffee in 30 seconds? Yes, please. As I stood there, impatiently waiting for something hot and delicious to happen, I realized that the machine had gone on strike. The tiny screen on the coffee maker told me: YOUR TANK IS LOW. It needed water. In short order, I poured in something ordinary so that something beautiful could pour out.

It may sound strange, but something similar should happen in our lives. Jesus made it clear in John 15 that there’s an ocean-sized reservoir of love available to His followers—but it doesn’t begin with us. Love is found in God. We must drink from the deep well of the heavenly Father’s supply if we ever hope to pour meaningfully into the lives of others.

Let me say it this way: the quality of your relationships with others will always be tied to the quality of your relationship with God.

Take special note of the word “remain” in this passage. This is a key word throughout John 15. To remain somewhere is to dwell there continually. Typically, a place where you remain is a place where you’re comfortable enough to make yourself at home. Jesus urged His followers to keep their lives fresh by keeping their lives close to Him—by making themselves at home in His love. Faithful obedience to God’s Spirit and His Word is the key.

Obedience to God is the crucial factor in bearing fresh fruit in the lives of other people. Notice how tightly Jesus tied the knot between love and obedience: “If you keep My commands you will remain in My love” (v. 10). In other words, if you do what Jesus tells you to do, then you will feel the full force of His affection. It’s not that Jesus will love you more—you’re already completely loved by God—but you will more deeply feel and experience that love. And the more you experience God’s love, the better you’ll be able to share that love with those around you.

Our love for others must be grounded in God’s love for us.

What do we expect from the people who love us?

Q U E S T I O N #2

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THE POINT Let love permeate every relationship.

© 2014 LifeWay

FAMILY FRIENDS

LOVE EXPRESSED

As we receive love from God, we should give love to others. Record how you typically express love within the following relationships. Choose two.

COWORKERS

What’s a specific way you can express love to someone who needs it this week?

NEIGHBORS

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John 15:11-12Living in Christ should produce joy in the heart! Obeying Him is not a grim, teeth-clenching exercise. Jesus said, “I have spoken these things to you so that My joy may be in you and your joy may be complete” (v. 11). When you discover your debts are paid and your sins have been erased, you walk with a much lighter load.

In his book Surprised by Joy, C. S. Lewis told the story of his conversion to Christianity. Lewis drifted from God for decades before surrendering his life to his Savior. What caused this brilliant intellectual to come to Christ? The answer: joy!

Throughout his life, Lewis experienced unforeseen, fleeting pangs of intense inner joy. This deep emotion of delight would appear like a ray of sunshine bursting through the clouds—and then suddenly vanish. He came to realize those occasional pokes in his heart were the touches of the Holy Spirit, whispering God’s love and urging him to follow the trail to heaven.

Once the love and joy of Jesus is dwelling inside you, it can never be bottled up. The love of Christ must flow both in and out of you: “This is My command: Love one another as I have loved you.” We are commanded to love the people around us in the same way Jesus has loved us. As recipients of a rich inheritance, we’re not to hoard grace; instead, we’re empowered and emboldened to give grace to others.

Jesus was not nebulous or vague about His command to love. He directed us to love people in the specific way He loved. How did Jesus show His love? He gave. He forgave. He pardoned. He was gracious, kind, merciful, sacrificial, and intentional.

When you love people as Jesus does, you begin to break down their defenses. The spark of relational fire is found in these unforeseen moments of love.

Q U E S T I O N #4

How does our relationship with God impact our relationships with others?

How have you experienced the joy of loving others as Christ loves you?

Q U E S T I O N #3

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THE POINT Let love permeate every relationship.

© 2014 LifeWay

John 15:13-14Every year on the afternoon of Mother’s Day, Charlie makes a dash for the nearest convenience store in search of a last minute card. With only three cards left in the rack, he’s forced to buy and mail the cartoonish card that he’s jammed awkwardly inside the wrong-sized envelope. In spite of this, Charlie soothes his conscience by thinking, Hey, at least I made an effort.

Which raises an interesting question: what’s the least amount of energy required to pay the bill of love? How much does a person have to pay to expect good relationships with those around him or her?

Jesus set a price when He defined love in connection with the supreme sacrifice. The best way to build a relationship isn’t by offering clearance cards that cost less than loose change. Rather, it’s often through pain and suffering. How much pain are you willing to endure for another person? That’s the yardstick that often measures your love for them.

“No one has greater love than this, that someone would lay down his life for his friends.” While it’s sometimes wise to avoid “sweating the small stuff,” this concept typically doesn’t apply in relationships. The little things do matter in our relationships with others. We probably won’t have opportunities to actually die for others, but a willingness to sacrifice for those we love often translates into the daily need to stifle our own self-importance and study the lives of those around us.

In the end, love beckons us to pay a price—sometimes large, sometimes small—for those we care about.

"How much pain are you wil ling to endure

for another person ? That's the yardstick

that often measures your love for them ."

— B E N M A N D R E L L

When have you experienced the power of sacrificial love?

Q U E S T I O N #5

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How will you boost your level of love in the lives of others? Consider these three ideas this week:

Give a small gift. Give an unexpected gift to someone who needs it. Attach this simple note, as well: “Thank you for playing an important role play in my life.”

Reach out. Think of a relationship that has become stale, or even hostile. Make a phone call to see if you can revive or refresh that connection.

Make a major sacrifice. Think of something that hinders your closest relationships—golf clubs, salon appointments, cable TV, a car payment, and so on. Then get rid of it!

Nobody wants the heels from a bread loaf, but everyone has a desperate need for healthy relationships—you included. Therefore, choose to love the people in your life, as Jesus commanded.

LIVE IT OUT

True Colors

Certain patterns of behavior are associated with discipleship or growing in maturity in our relationship with Christ. These patterns, classically called spiritual disciplines, are the means of grace God has given us that help us to develop intimacy with Him. But I’ve begun to think that there’s a neglected component of discipleship.

To continue reading “True Colors” from HomeLife magazine, visit BibleStudiesforLife.com/articles.

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faith forward progress BY MICHAEL KELLEY

Certain patterns of behavior are associated with discipleship or growing in maturity in our relationship with Christ. These patterns, classically called spiritual disciplines, are the means of grace God has given us that help us to develop intimacy with Him. But I’ve begun to think that there’s a neglected component of discipleship.

Is it fasting? Prayer? Scripture memory? Solitude? There’s still another component of walking with Jesus out there that gets little press compared to some of these others — love.

What does the greatest command hinge upon? Love. What will be the defining characteristic of Jesus’ followers? Love. What won’t pass away, even after faith and hope are gone? Love.

Love is the mark of the disciple. But here’s the problem: You can’t teach love. You can teach how to effectively memo-rize Scripture. Similarly, you can teach someone how to fast. You can teach someone how to pray. But how do you teach someone to love? It isn’t quite so easy to create a formula around that.

But that difficulty surrounding love also points to its uniqueness in the marks of one who follows Jesus: This is perhaps the one element of discipleship that can’t be faked. Surely there are many, according to Jesus, who might per-form miracles, drive out demons, and do all other kinds of religious things that won’t enter the kingdom of heaven. We can become adept at “playing disciple” by our sheer acts of will. We can even force ourselves into positions of service and postures of generosity. But love? Genuine love? That’s something you can’t manufacture.

Nevertheless, Jesus said “By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). Despite this statement, all our current metrics of discipleship focus on things like knowledge of the Bible and time spent in prayer. Though these are important marks of discipleship, love is infinitely more difficult (and perhaps impossible) to quantify.

You can will yourself to study. You can force yourself to pray. You can buckle down and make yourself memorize Scripture. But nobody ever loved by gritting his teeth and deciding to love. It’s not like that. Love is grown over time, and like most other things, our appetite for love grows through exercises of the will. That is, we choose to engage in activities of love even when we don’t feel like it because we believe that in doing so, our love will grow. But ultimately, even these actions can’t force us to love. This is why the command of Jesus in Matthew 22:37-40 is so crushing: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and

with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important command. The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets depend on these two commands.”

It’s crushing because in just a few sentences Jesus gives us the greatest command that all other commands hinge upon and yet it is the one we absolutely cannot follow. That’s actually why love is the defining characteristic of discipleship. It’s because love — true love — can only come from a true, vibrant, and constant experience of the gospel. The gospel is what love is — that’s the true measure of love. And love begets love.

When we truly encounter the defining love of God in Jesus Christ, it changes everything about us. We’re given a new heart. New desires. New capacity. We’re awakened to the things to which we’d previously been blind and suddenly, we find our hearts swelling in ways we never dreamed possi-ble. We find ourselves, having been made new in the gospel, responding in kind. We actually begin to obey the command of Jesus. We love God. We love others. We do so not in a manufactured way, but out of a genuine encounter with Jesus that first gives love and then pushes it out. Those who truly love demonstrate they’ve been loved and are growing in their understanding of the great love of God in Christ.

No wonder Jesus said love, more than anything else, would mark those who follow Him. •

True ColorsThe greatest mark of those who follow Christ is love.

You can buckle down and make yourself memorize

Scripture. But nobody ever loved by gritting his teeth

and deciding to love.

Michael Kelley, M.Div., and his wife, Jana, have three children. He’s the executive editor of HomeLife and the Director of Discipleship at LifeWay Christian Resources. His works include his latest release, Boring, Wednesdays Were Pretty Normal, and Transformational Discipleship. Keep up with Michael on his blog at michaelkelleyministries.com or on Twitter @_MichaelKelley.

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THE POINT Let love permeate every relationship.

© 2014 LifeWay

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