Living your yoga : finding the spiritual in everyday life

TableofContents

PraiseTitlePageDedicationAcknowledgementsForewordPrefaceIntroduction

PARTONE-AwakeningAwareness:YogawithinYourself

Chapter1-SpiritualSeekingAbidingPracticeOtherPracticeSuggestionsMantrasforDailyLiving

Chapter2-DisciplineDisciplinePracticeOtherPracticeSuggestionsMantrasforDailyLiving

Chapter3-LettingGoLettingGoPracticeOtherPracticeSuggestionsMantrasforDailyLiving

Chapter4-Self-JudgmentMySlefPracticeOtherPracticeSuggestionsMantrasforDailyLiving

Chapter5-FaithFaithPracticeOtherPracticeSuggestionsMantrasforDailyLiving

Chapter6-PerspectivePerspectivePractice

OtherPracticeSuggestionsMantrasforDailyLiving

Chapter7-CourageCouragePracticeOtherPracticeSuggestionsMantrasforDailyLiving

PARTTWO-WideningtheCircle:YogaandRelationships

Chapter8-CompassionCompassionPracticeOtherPracticeSuggestionsMantrasforDailyLiving

Chapter9-ControlControlPracticeOtherPracticeSuggestionsMantrasforDailyLiving

Chapter10-FearFearPracticeOtherPracticeSuggestionsMantrasforDailyLiving

Chapter11-PatiencePatiencePracticeOtherPracticeSuggestionsMantrasforDailyLiving

Chapter12-AttachmentanAversionAttachmentandAversionPracticeOtherPracticeSuggestionsMantrasforDailyLiving

Chapter13-SufferingSufferingPracticeOtherPracticeSuggestionsMantrasforDailyLiving

Chapter14-ImpermanenceImpermanencePracticeOtherPracticeSuggestionsMantrasforDailyLiving

PARTTHREE-EmbracingAllLife:YogaintheWorld

Chapter15-GreedContentmentPracticeOtherPracticeSuggestionsMantrasforDailyLiving

Chapter16-ServiceServicePracticeOtherPracticeSuggestionsMantrasforDailyLiving

Chapter17-ConnectionConnectionPracticeOtherPracticeSuggestionsMantrasforDailyLiving

Chapter18-TruthTruthPracticeOtherPracticeSuggestionsMantrasforDailyLiving

Chapter19-SuccessSuccessPracticeOtherPracticeSuggestionsMantrasforDailyLiving

Chapter20-NonviolenceNonviolencePracticeOtherPracticeSuggestionsMantrasforDailyLiving

Chapter21-LoveLovePracticeOtherPracticeSuggestionsMantrasforDailyLiving

NotesAppreciationsAbouttheAuthorAbouttheIllustratorFromthePublisherCopyrightPage

PraiseforLivingYourYoga

“JudithLasater’snewbookisadown-to-earthdiscussionofhowwecanusetheage-oldwisdomofyogainordertoreconnectwiththesacredineverydaylife.”

—GeorgFeuerstein,Ph.D.,fromthePrefaceFounder-DirectoroftheYogaResearchandEducationCenter

“Yes!LivingYourYogaiswhatit’sallabout.Hereisaclearandfriendlybookthatwillhelpanyoneembodythewisdomofyogabyconsciouslybringingit intodailylife.Theexercisesarefun.Theycanhelpyoulearnhowtodoyogaallthetime—nowandnowandnow—whenyouareintheyogaroomandwhenyouarenot.Takethisbooktoheart.”

—ErichSchiffmannAuthor,Yoga:TheSpiritandPracticeofMovingintoStillness

“In this easy-to-read, inspiring book, Judith Lasater generously shares delightfully funny andpoignant stories fromherveryAmerican life, to showhowweall canuse the simpleproblemsofdailylivingasaspringboardforspiritualpractice.ReadingLivingYourYogaislikemovinginwithLasaterandherfamilyforawhile.Ienjoyedmyvisitimmensely.Sheremindsusthatyogapracticeisprimarilyaboutmindfulnessandisa twenty-four-hour-a-dayactivity.Takethisbooktobed,everynightforacoupleofmonths.Openitanywhere.Readafewpages.Reflect.Relax.Breathe.Smile.Andhaveagoodnight’ssleep.”

—BerylBenderBirchAuthor,PowerYoga

“Inthisdelightfulandpracticalbookonyogaphilosophy,JudithLasaterpresents timelesswisdom

withclarityandinsight.Sheisawell-seasonedyogini,whowritesfrompersonalexperienceonhowtousetheeventsofdailylifeasyogaposesforthemindandtheheart.”

—PatriciaWaldenFeaturedinYogaJournal’sYogaPracticeforBeginners

“JudithLasater explains howher practice has helped her to sort through life’s tangles, clarify hervalues,andrenewhercommitmenttoherideals.Shebareshersoulsothatwecanseeourown.”

—SuzaFrancina,fromtheForewordAuthor,TheNewYogaforPeopleOver50

“Inherheartfeltandgentlyhumorousmanner,JudithLasatersharesherprofoundunderstandingofancientyogateachings,andtranslatestheYogaSutraandBhagavadGitaintoasimpleprescriptionfordaily living.Whetheryou’reayogastudent,yoga teacher,oryogascholar,you’llbe informedandinspiredbyLivingYourYoga.”—KathrynArnold

Editorinchief,YogaJournal

ByJudithLasater,Ph.D.,P.T.RelaxandRenew:RestfulYogaforStressfulTimes(1995)

LivingYourYoga:FindingtheSpiritualinEverydayLife(2000)30EssentialYogaPoses:ForBeginningStudentsandTheirTeachers(2003)

YogaforPregnancy:WhatEveryMom-to-BeNeedstoKnow(2004)YogaAbs:MovingfromYourCore(2005)

ForRhoda,withlove

Acknowledgments

This book reflects a personal journey that began decades ago. I have hadimportanthelpersalongtheway.Ithankeachofyouforyoursupport.

First,Ithankmyfamily,specificallymyhusband,Ike,andourthreechildren,Miles,Kam,andElizabeth.Theirinsightsaboutlife,aswellastheirsometimespungent comments on how I am missing the essential truth of any givenmoment,havebeeninvaluableandfillthisbook.

Next,Iacknowledgeandthankmyyogastudents,especiallythosewhohavestuckwithmeformanyyears.Havingtheresponsibilityofteachinghasinspiredmetopracticeandtocontinuetolearn.

Finally, I thank Linda Cogozzo and DonaldMoyer of Rodmell Press, whohave consistently supportedme during the dark times and celebratedwithmeduringthehappyones.

Foreword

In Living Your Yoga, Judith Lasater provides an elegant yet sturdy bridgebetweenyogaonthematandtheyogaofdailylife.Whenweleavethesanctuaryofayogastudio,rollupoursleeves,andsettoworkintheworld,wemustbecarefulnottoaddtotheconfusionandviolencethatalreadyexist.Thisbookofessaysandguidedpractices,basedonselectedversesfromtheYogaSutraandtheBhagavadGita,canassistusinthisendeavor.

Theauthorsharesherunderstandingofyoga’sancientteachingsandshowsushowtoapplythemtoourcontemporarylives.Especiallyinsightfulisthewarmandpersonalwayinwhichsheaddressesthedivisionmanyofusfeelwhenthepeaceweexperienceinouryogapracticeisdisruptedbyeverydayreality.JudithLasaterexplainshowherpracticehashelpedher tosort through life’s tangles,clarifyhervalues,andrenewhercommitmenttoherideals.Shebareshersoulsothatwecanseeourown.

Nowthatyogahasenteredthemainstream,itismoreimportantthaneverforyoga teachers to communicate how postures, breathing techniques, andmeditationarerootedinmoralprinciples.Yogaaddressestheethicallifethroughawhole range of practices that encourages us to live in harmonywith nature,makingouractionsconducive tobothpersonalandplanetaryhealth.Thegreatyoga teachers urge us to consider all aspects of our lives, to revere all livingthings,andtotakenomorethanweneed.Surely,acompleteyogapracticemustencompass a way of life that addresses the harmwe inflict on ourselves andotherlivingthings,aswellasdoingourparttoreducepollutionandtosharethelimitedresourcesofourplanetfairlywithallotherbeings.InLivingYourYoga,JudithLasatershowsherselftobeapartofthisteachinglineage.

Iamthankfuleverydayforthegreatgiftofyoga.TheprecioustimeIspend

practicingyoga’shealingposturesprovidesmewithamuch-neededphysicalandpsychologicalcleansing.Yogagivesmeasenseofpeaceandexpansion;equallyimportant, it gives me the inner strength and resiliency needed to face thecomplexitiesoflifeinthetwenty-firstcentury.

JudithLasater has helpedme to understandmore of yoga’s universal truthsand to use them conscientiously inmy life. Her helpful, accessible bookwillintroduce many more people to yoga’s timeless wisdom. Yoga teachers andstudents everywhere will be inspired to deepen their understanding of yogaphilosophy.LivingYourYogaisabookIwillrecommendwholeheartedlytomystudentsintheyearstocome.

SuzaFrancinaAuthor,TheNewYogaforPeopleOver50Ojai,CaliforniaSeptember1999

Preface

Thecomplexfive-thousand-year-oldtraditionofyogaisaboutaverysimplething: happiness (ananda). Yoga tells us that in order to realize lastinghappiness, we must discover our true, spiritual nature. This requires that wecommit ourselves to nothing less than self-transformation and self-transcendence.Foralthoughourtruenature,orspiritualSelf,isalwaysthesame,ittendstobeobscuredbyourconventionalthoughts,emotions,andpatternsofbehavior.Theyogatraditioncomparesthiscircumstancetothebrightlyshiningsun,whichiseverradiantbutperiodicallyhiddenfromourviewbydriftingdarkclouds.

Yogahelpsustoremoveallobstructing(mental)clouds,sothatwemaycometoenjoythesunshinewithin.It isanextensiveprogramofreeducationthroughwhichwelearn,stepbystep,toliveinthelightofourtruenature.Onlywhenwehave truly found ourselves will we be able to live in peace, harmony, andhappinessintheworld.Thisiswhatissometimescalledthesacredlife.

JudithLasater’snewbook is adown-to-earthdiscussionofhowwecanusethe age-oldwisdomofyoga inorder to reconnectwith the sacred in everydaylife.Formanypeople,practicingyogameanstodoyogaposturesonceortwiceaweek,oreveneveryday.Althoughthisapproachcanyieldmanybenefits,suchas better health and greater vitality, the real power of yoga is unleashed onlywhen we engage yoga as a way of life, twenty-four hours a day. Yoga isuniversal and applicable in all situations. It is first and foremost amental, orinner,discipline.Evenitsphysicalpostures(asana)haveaspiritualpurposeandmust be practiced with full awareness. Every single yoga technique—frompostures to cleansing practices to meditation—is a tool for discovering theabidinghappinessoftheultimateSelf,orSpirit.InLivingYourYoga,theauthor,who has been practicing yoga since 1970, shares with readers her ownexperiences on the always bumpy road to self-discovery. Her honesty is

commendable, for someofherdisclosuresareunflatteringbutcharacterize theexperienceofmostofus:Wheneverwestepintothelight,ourshadowsidealsobecomesmoreapparent.Workingwithourpsychologicalshadowisanecessarytask ifwewant to integrateour spiritualvalues andgoals—and thusouryogapractice—intotherestofourlives.

The path toward yoga’s lofty goal of Self-realization (atma-jnana) is not inthe least glamorous. On the contrary, it is quite humbling. For we mustconstantly,bravely,andcompassionatelyfaceourlimitationsinordertorealizeour unlimited potential as spiritual beings. Judith Lasater, speaking from herownexperience,pointsthewayforotherWesternerswhoareeagertoapplytheimmense wisdom of yoga to their everyday lives. I can wholeheartedlyrecommend thisbook,whichcombinesaclearvisionwith invaluablepracticalinsightsforgedinthefireoftheauthor’sday-to-dayyogicpractice.

GeorgFeuerstein,Ph.D.Founder-DirectoroftheYogaResearchandEducationCenterOakland,CaliforniaOctober1999

Introduction

Living Your Yoga is about finding the spiritual in everyday life. I startedpracticingasana, or “yoga poses,” in 1970 and began teaching them in 1971.Throughout the years, I have continued to learn about myself through theseposes.Forexample,whenIwas in laborwithmyfirstchild, I thoughtofeachcontraction as a pose. I focused onmy breath and on letting go, just as in achallenging asana.Aftermy sonwas born, Iwished that I could bringwhat Ilearned in asana not only into birthing, but also more consciously into myparenting,mymarriage,myfriendships,andmywork.Icontinuedtostudyyogaphilosophy and began to explore ways to actualize these teachings in thecircumstancesofmydaily life. I found this tobeof great value and, in1981,began to sharemy exploration inmy teaching. Initially, I began some ofmyclassesandworkshopswithadiscussionofanaphorismfromPatanjali’sYogaSutra. In 1988, I began teaching asana workshops that focused on life aspractice.Icalledtheseworkshops“LivingYourYoga.”Thisbookis theresultofmyongoingpersonalexploration,myworkwithmystudentsandcolleagues,andmyinteractionswithmyfamily,friends,andtheworldaroundme.

LongingfortheSacred

Yoga has become an integral part ofmodernWestern society. In an era ofincreasinglysophisticated technology, thiscenturies-oldartandphilosophyhasever-increasingappeal.Infact,a1999YogaJournalstudyestimatesthatintheUnitedStatesalone,morethantenmillionpeopleactivelypracticeyoga.1

Yoga’sresurgenceofpopularityisareflectionofoururgetoreconnectwiththesacred.Mostofusdon’toftenengageintheritualsassociatedwithworshipsinceancienttimes:werarelysingordanceorpray.Forcenturiesthesehadbeenasacredcontextwithinwhichweconnectedwithourselves,oneanother,andtheDivine.Butwhynotturntowardthereligioustraditionsofourchildhoods?Whypickonefromafar-awaylandthatmostofuswillnevervisit?

Ithasbeenmyexperience thatmany religious traditions stressdevelopingarelationshipwithanexternaldeity.Worshipissomethingyoudo,notsomethingyouare.Forexample,IgrewupgoingtochurchtwotimesonSunday,aswellasonWednesdaynights. I always felt thatGodwasaverydistantbeingwho,paradoxically,wasinterestedineventhesmallestofmysins.Iwantedmore:adirectandpersonalrelationshipwiththeDivine.

Istartedyogainmyearlytwenties.Iwasstudyingdanceandhaddevelopedarthritis. I heard that yoga’s gentle stretching and relaxation techniques couldhelpme.Ioriginallyplannedtoresumedanceclassesandperformingaftermyarthritishadimproved.BecauseIlovedmovementandexpressedmyselfthroughit, I was ecstatic after my first yoga class. I had been taught to worship bypraying or singing. But here was a philosophy that accepted the potential ofhumanmovement as sacred andworshipful—all in this verymoment, here onEarth.

WhatInowknowisthatIhadbeenseekingwholenessthroughintegrationofmybody,mymind,andmyspirit.Whetherconsciouslyorunconsciously,weallsearch for answers to the fundamental questions of life. As children, we ask“WhoamI?,”“WhyamI?,”and“WhereamI?”Whenmysonwassevenyearsold,hecamedownthestairsonemorningand,asifinmidconversationwithme,asked,“ButwhomadeGod?”Asadults,weknowthatalthoughwemayworshiporpracticewithothers, theprocessof spiritualunderstandingandgrowthgoeson separately in each of us. I was raised in Texas, and I can still hear mymother’s homily: “Honey, everybody has to hoe their own row.”We are leftwith trying to understand the mystery of life with our own hearts and ownminds.Withyoga,Indiansageshavegivenusawaytounderstandthenatureofreality.

ThewordyogacomesfromSanskrit,thescripturallanguageofancientIndia.Its root is theverbyuj,meaning“toyoke”or “tounite.”Yoga is actually twothings.First,itisastateofbeinginwhichtheindividualpractitionerexperiencesacellularconnectionwiththatwhichis theUniverse, theSource,orGod.Thisstate is sometimes described by athletes as “being in the zone.” For yogis, or“yogapractitioners,”thisissamadhi.Contrarytopopularbelief,samadhiisnotatrance:infact,itistheopposite.Itisastateinwhichweexperiencetotalclarityofawareness.But formostofus, samadhidoesnotseemrelevant toourdailylives.Here iswhere the second aspect of yoga—the practices associatedwiththatdeeplyconnectedstateofbeing—comesin.Mostofushaveheardofyoga’sposes, its pranayama, or “breathing exercises,” and itsmeditation techniques.Lessknownisthefactthatthesepracticesarerootedinamoralcodethatistheveryfoundationofyoga.Thismoralcodeismadeupofyama(“restraints”)andniyama (“observances”).Theyamasarenonviolence, truth,nonstealing,clarityabout sexual activity, and nongreed; the niyamas are purity, contentment,consistency, study, and devotion.2 Althoughwemay enjoy our personal yogapracticeorclasses,itisonlywhenwemakeyoga’sfoundationapartofourdailylivesthatwewillbetransformed.

It is important to understand what transformation means in relationship toyour inner life. At first blush, it would seem that transformation is aboutchanging. However, it does not mean that you use yoga to change intosomethingdifferent.Rather,yogatakesyoubacktoyourtrueSelf.Thepractice

of“livingyouryoga”usesthepsychologyofyogatouncoverthisSelf,orwhatyogacallsatman.Todothis,youmustunderstandwhatitmeanstopractice.

PracticingtoLive,LivingtoPractice

Manyofushaveanegativereactiontothewordpractice,probablybecauseitremindsusofbeingcoercedintopianolessonsorsomeotherdetestedactivityinchildhood. For me, practice has a different meaning. It is the consistentwillingness to open to life in all of its joy and pain. This definition certainlyincludeswhatyouhavealwaysthoughtofasyouryogapractice,suchasposes,breathingexercises,andmeditation.But italsocastsawidernet toencompassfrustrationwithyourtemperamentalcar,theargumentyouhadwithyourfriend,washingyourdinnerdishes,andyourapprehensionaboutanimportantmeeting.Inotherwords,topracticeistopayattentiontoyourwholelife:yourthoughts,yourbodilysensations,andyourspeechandotheractions.Asyoudo,youwilldiscoverthatnothingisseparatefromanythingelse.Thoughtsarethesensationsofthemindjustassensationsarethethoughtsofthebody.Eachmomentofyourlifeisamomentofpotentialpractice.

Practice, then, can be understood as awillingness to return to the reality ofthisverymoment,thatis,toobservewithdispassionandclarityexactlywhatis—rightnow.Doesthismomentcallforsilenceorforanswers?Isthepersoninfrontofmeaskingforinformationorthereassuranceofmylove?AmIreactingfromfearorfromnecessity?Obviously,thereisnoguaranteethatIamcorrect.But relying on paying attention to the thoughts and sensations of themomentwill givemea chance to respond to life less frommypatternsofdefense andmorefromintegrity.

Apointofclarification:Practicingbeingpresentwithallthemomentsofyourlifedoesnotmeanthateverythingthathappensisokayandthatyoujusthavetolearntoacceptit.Thingshappenintheworldthatareharmfulandevenhorrific.Thepracticeofbeingfullypresentmayevenmoveyoutodedicateyourlifetochangingthesufferingyouseeintheworld.Iamnotaskingyoutochangeintosomething you think is better or more spiritual. I am asking you to consider

removingthelayersofdoubt,fear,anddenialthatkeepyoufromexperiencingconnectionwithyourownwholeness.Onewaytodothisistogarnerinspirationfromtheteachersandpractitionerswhohavepavedtheway.

AncientTexts,ModernLives

In our fast-moving world, the emphasis is on the latest events, the newestscientificdiscovery,and thehottest fashion.Yetyoga’sancient textsstillofferus important and relevant insights into how to live well. One of the mostimportantistheYogaSutra,compiledinperhaps200B.C.E.,althoughscholarsdebatethisdate.TheauthoroftheYogaSutra,Patanjaliisgenerallythoughttohavebeen aphysician,Sanskrit scholar, grammarian, andyogi.Each sutra, or“thread,” is a terse phrase. As such, it is an ideal construct for memorizingsacred teachings. The Yoga Sutra is divided into four pada, or “books,” thatexplain the nature of higher consciousness, the practices of yoga, thesupernormal powers that can come from practice, and the state of finalliberation.Thesecondbookinparticularoffersinterestingandpowerfulinsightsintotheworkingsofthemindandtheobstaclestowholeness.ManychaptersinLivingYourYogawillbebasedonconceptsdrawndirectlyfromtheYogaSutra.

AnothersourceofinspirationistheBhagavadGita,or“SongofGod,”partofa larger work called theMahabharata. Written in approximately the third orfourthcenturyB.C.E.andconsistingofsevenhundredstanzas,ittakestheformofadialoguebetweenKrishna,amanifestationofthegodVishnu,andArjuna,ayoungman from a good familywho is in themidst of a spiritual crisis. Thisupheavaltakesplaceonabattlefield,whereArjunamustfightandpossiblykillsomeofhisownrelatives.Theirdialogueisametaphorforthestrugglewemustall facebetweenour attachments andour clarity.Throughout,Krishna advisesArjunatofightthegoodfight,tocontinuetolivewithcourage,andtoacceptthechallenges that life presents. Some of the chapters inLiving Your Yoga drawfromthewisdomoftheBhagavadGita.

AboutThisBook

LivingYourYogaisdividedintothreeparts,eachexploringthenitty-grittyofthose qualities to be cultivated and those qualities to be transformed throughawareness.PartOne,“AwakeningAwareness:YogawithinYourself,”hassevenchapters: “Spiritual Seeking,” “Discipline,” “Letting Go,” “Self-Judgment,”“Faith,” “Perspective,” and “Courage.” A crucial and perhaps most powerfulaspectofyour relationshipwithyourself isyour internaldialogue.This is trueforatleastthreereasons.First,howyoutalktoyourselfreflectsyourthinking,which may not be truly reflective of reality. Second, it may be repeated foryears, thusbecomingembedded inyourconsciousness.Finally, it exists in thesilenceofyourmind,unchallengedbythethoughtsandinsightsofothers.Inthissection,Isuggestvariouswaystocultivateawarenessofthisinnerdialogueandrelaxitsholdonyourconsciousness.

PartTwo,“WideningtheCircle:YogaandRelationships,”addresseshowtobecome more loving with your partner, your children, your family, and yourfriends.Because this love can springonly fromyour own internal clarity, thissection comes second. It also has seven chapters: “Compassion,” “Control,”“Fear,” “Patience,” “Attachment and Aversion,” “Suffering,” and“Impermanence.”Likemostofus,Ihavefoundfewthingsmorechallenginginlifethanlearningtoremaintrulyopenandawareinintimaterelationships.IliketosaythatIhaveseveralgurus,andtheysharemylastname!

Part Three, “Embracing All Life: Yoga in theWorld,” has seven chapters:“Greed,” “Service,” “Connection,” “Truth,” “Success,” “Nonviolence,” and“Love.”Youencounterachallenginglevelofpracticewhenyouventurebeyondthe boundaries of family and friends. How do you practice when theenvironmentdoesnotsupportyouorisevenopenlyhostile?Itwouldbeeasytoseparateyourselffromthosewhoyoudecidearenoton“thepath.”Ifyourelaxyourview,youmayseethatitisallonepathandthatweareallonit.

Each chapter has five parts: a verse from theYoga Sutra or theBhagavadGita,anessay,aguidedpractice,moresuggestionsforpractice,andMantrasforDailyLiving.Thepracticesectionsare intendedtosupportyourexplorationoflivingyouryoga.Somewillbeonyouryogamat;otherswillbeoffit.Mantracomes from the Sanskrit wordsmanas (whichmeans “mind”) and tra (whichmeans “to transcend”). A mantra is something that helps you to transcendordinarywaysofthinking.Thesearemeanttobeyourlife-affirmingcompanionsthroughouttheday.Youmightsaythateachisamodern-daysutra.

Itismyhopeyouwillfindcomfortintheessays,andthatyouwillreturntothe practices and mantras again and again. If you are so inspired, designpracticesandwritemantrasofyourown.TodevelopagreaterintimacywiththeYogaSutra and theBhagavadGita, youcan reciteor chant theirverses at thebeginningor end (or both)of yourpracticeor anyof yourdaily activities.AsDagHammarskjöld,secretarygeneraltotheUnitedNations(1953-61),writesinMarkings,“Inourera,theroadtoholinessnecessarilypassesthroughtheworldofaction.”3Usethisbookinwhateverwaysbestserveyourneeds.LivingYourYogaismygifttoyou.

PARTONE

AwakeningAwareness:YogawithinYourself

1

SpiritualSeeking

tadadrashtuhsva-rupe’vasthanam

Thentheseerabidesinitsessence.—YogaSutra1:3

Someyearsago,IwasworkingatmydeskandrealizedthatIhadmisplacedabill that was due. While I anxiously searched for it, my then four-year-olddaughtercameintotheroomandaskedformyattention.IsaidthatIwasbusylooking for something importantand tocomeback later. Ina fewminutes shereturned and asked quietly, “Have you found yourself yet, Mommy?” I washumbled by her question. Had I foundmyself or anything else after years ofyoga study and spiritual seeking? I had, but the “path” was not what I hadimaginedatthebeginningofmyjourneyin1970.

Attheoutset,IbelievedthattobespiritualmeantthatIhadtoseek,find,andaccomplish something outside of myself that would bring me happiness andfulfillment. For example, I sought the company of well-known gurus andteachers,becauseIwasconvincedthattheyhadtheanswers.Ipracticedarigidprogramofyogaposes,holdingthemforexcruciatinglylongperiodsoftimeinhopesofself-transformation.AndIreadeverybookonyogaandenlightenment

thatIcouldfind.

IthoughtthatIunderstoodwhatitmeanttobeaspiritualpersonuntilthedaywhenIbecameangrierthanIhadeverbeeninmylifebecauseofadisagreementwithanemployee.Iliterallysawred.Ifoundoutthatthisisnotametaphorbutan actual physiological phenomenon. In that flash, I understoodhow someonecouldmurderintheheatofthemoment.Iwasshockedbythedepthofmyangerand retreated tomy room,where I sat in despair. After allmy years of yogapractice,howcouldIbecomesoincrediblyangry?IfeltthatIwasafailure,andthatallofmyattempts to reachahigher levelof spiritualdevelopmentwereajoke.Icouldfeelmyideasaboutmyselfasaspiritualpersondrainingoutofme.Atexactlythesamemoment,somethingelsewasfillingmeup.Itwasafeeling,anunderstanding,anexperiencemadeupofequalpartsequanimityandpeace.Thisstatelastedforthreedays,duringwhichIneededalmostnofoodorsleep.Icould see clearly that it was not my ideas about spirituality that would bringpeace to my life.Whether we seek something called spirituality, holiness, orenlightenment, the route to it is through our humanness, complete with ourstrengthsandourweaknesses,oursuccessesandourfailures.Youmightsaythatweuseourselvestodiscoverourselves.Inmycase,itrequiredadeeplettinggoofwhatIthoughtthatenlightenmentmightbethatallowedmethesmallesttasteofit.

Manygreat teachershavepointed theway, emphasizing that they (and theirteachings), in and of themselves, are not the answer. For example, Jesus said,“ThekingdomofGodiswithinyou”(Luke17:21).Patanjaliaddressesthissamepoint in the first book, verse three, of his Yoga Sutra: tada drashtuh sva-rupe’vasthanam,or“Thentheseerabidesinitsessence.”1ThisimportantverseclarifiesacoreconceptofPatanjali’swork.Hebeginswithtada,meaning“then”or “when one is in the state of yoga.”2 (It should be noted that Patanjali usesyogatomean“astateofwholeness”aswellasthepracticesassociatedwiththisstate.3)Andwhenyouareinastateofyoga,orwholeness,yourestinyourowntruenature.

AfavoriteimageIusetoexplainthisversetomystudentsisthatofasculptor.Whencarvingstone,thesculptorremoveseverythingthatisnotthestatue.She

doesnotaddanythingtocreateit,exceptthewillingnesstodothework.Theartofrevealingbeautyliesinremovingwhatconcealsit.So,too,Patanjalitellsusthatwholenessexistswithinus.Ourworkistochiselawayateverythingthatisnotessence,notSelf.

Manyofuscometoyogabecauseofsomedifficultyinourlives.Forsome,itisphysical, suchas lowerbackorkneediscomfort.Forothers, it isemotional,suchasdepression.Andforstillothers,thedrawisphilosophical,suchasfeelingthat life lacksmeaning.Most of us have a combination of reasons.However,often the dawning of yoga is coupled with an outwardly acknowledged orinwardlyunexpressedexpectationthatyogacansolveproblems,eliminatepain,and, most important, guarantee us that they will not recur. As I discoveredthroughmyexperiencewithanger,nothingcouldbefurtherfromthetruth.

Although yoga practice certainly can help our aching backs and bolster ourspirits, it cannot insulate us from the pain that life inevitably brings, such aslosing loved ones, illness, aging, not getting what we want—or even gettingwhatwewant.Ifyogadoesnotensurealifewithoutpain,thenwhydoit?Ihavefoundthatbeingin“astateofyoga”relievessuffering,specificallythesufferingcausedbybeinginseparationfrommywholeness.

Sufferingdiffersfrompain.Sufferingiscausedbytheemotionalreactionwelayontopofourpain.Bybecomingawareofouremotionsandthoughtsaboutpain, their hold on us can be released and our suffering can be lessened. Theavenue to this awareness is through constant attention, remembering that eachmomentisholyandholdsthepotentialforself-transformation.Thisawarenessisthetada,or“stateofyoga,”aboutwhichPatanjalispeaks.

Fromthisperspective,spiritualseekingisnotwhatwedooutwardly,butwhatweacknowledgeinwardly.Topracticeyogainthedeepestsenseistocommittodevelopingawarenessbyobservingourlives:ourthoughts,ourwords,andouractions.Therearemanyyogatechniquesthatcansupportusalongtheway,suchas yoga poses, breathing practices, and meditation. But these are not ends inthemselves, but means to the Self. The real beginning of spiritual practice isevident when we accept responsibility for ourselves, that is, when we

acknowledge thatultimately there arenoanswersoutsideofourselves, andnogurus,noteachers,andnophilosophiesthatcansolvetheproblemsofourlives.Theycanonlysuggest,guide,andinspire.Itisourdedicationtolivingwithopenhearts and our commitment to the day-to-day details of our lives that willtransformus.Whenweareopentothepresentmoment,weshineforth.Atthesetimes,wearenotonaspiritualpath:wearethespiritualpath.

AbidingPractice

We begin with Abiding Practice. If there really are no answers outside ofourselves, thenwemust learn to turn toward ourselves and be comfortable indoing so.Abiding Practice can remind us that there is nothingwe need to bewhole that does not already exist within us. It combines a yoga pose with aMantra forDailyLiving.You can select amantra from those that follow,onefromanotherchapter,oryoucancreateoneofyourown.AbidingPracticecanbe done practically anywhere, anytime. Set aside some time each day forpractice,evenifitisonlyfiveminutes.Aboveall,bekindtoyourself.Dowhatyoucan:neverforceanything.

Tobegin,selectaquietspaceathomeorwork.Decidehowmuchtimeyouhave, and set a timer so you do not have to watch the clock during practice.Choose a soothing yoga pose in which you are comfortable, such as lying inBasicRelaxationPose(Shavasana)inyouryogapracticespaceoronyourbed,or Seated Mountain Pose (Tadasana, variation) at work. Make yourselfcomfortable.Forexample,youcanplacearolledblanketunderyourkneesandarolledtowelunderyourneckinBasicRelaxationPose,orastackofbooksunderyourfeetandarolledtowelatyourlumbarspineforsupportinSeatedMountainPose. Whichever you choose, make sure that your body is placed in asymmetricalposition,andthatyourspineissoftandlong.

Once in position, close your eyes, allowing them to look downward towardyourheart.Ifyouarelyingdown,coveryoureyeswithawashcloth.Relaxyourjawandthroat.Spendthenextfewminutesgentlyobservingyourbreath.Whenyoufeelsettled,sayyourMantraforDailyLivingtoyourself.Restinthepose.

Most daily activities are goal oriented. In Abiding Practice, there is no

objectiveexcepttofullyexperienceyourownlife,freeofthedistractioncausedbythoughts,plans,andevenbymovingaround.Weallspendmostofourtimeforgetting to feel, to sense, and to know life—moment by moment. AbidingPracticehelpsyou toexperienceeachmomentcompletely. Insteadof trying tofillyourselfup,thisisyourchancetofeelempty,feelstill,andfeelpresent.

To end practice, follow the rise and fall of the breath as you did at thebeginningof theexercise,andrepeatyourMantraforDailyLiving.Whenyoufeel complete, open your eyes and comeout of the pose. Stretch and take thetimeyouneed tomake the transition toyournext activity, knowing that all iswellwithinyou.

OtherPracticeSuggestions

•Createasacredspace.Designateaquietareaathomeorworkwhereyoucanpracticeyoga,meditate,writeinyourjournal,ordaydream.

•Writeabriefaccountofwhyyoubegan(orwanttobegin)practicingyoga.Rereaditnowandagaintorenewyourcommitmenttopractice.

• If you find yourself wanting to study with a teacher, notice whatdrawsyoutothatperson.Perhapsitishisorhergenerosity,compassion,orpatience.Considerthewaysinwhichthisqualityalreadyexistswithinyou.

• Embrace solitude.Make a date with yourself each week to spendtimealone.Youcouldpracticeyoga,takeawalkinnature,listentomusic,ordonothing.Ifyouchoosetodonothing,donotfeelguiltyaboutit.

•Keepalistofwhatisimportanttoyouaboutlivingyouryoga.Whatneedsyourattention?Remember,your life is awork inprogress.Reviewthelistregularlyandupdateittoreflectyourchangingneeds.

•Aretheresomeaspectsofyoga,suchasstudyingtheYogaSutraordevelopingameditationpractice,thatyouwanttoexplore,butdonotknowhowtobegin?Askafellowstudenttodescribehowshebegan.

•BeginandendeachdaywithaMantraforDailyLiving.

MantrasforDailyLiving

•Iammyownauthority.•Mylifeisaworkinprogress.•Idesirewholeness.•Alltheanswersarewithinme.•Lifeispractice:practiceislife.•Icommittolivingmylifefullyinthismoment.

2

Discipline

abhyasa-vairagyabhyamtan-nirodhah

The restriction of these fluctuations is achieved through practice anddispassion.

—YogaSutra1:12

OneofthemostpowerfulideasIhaveeverencounteredwasonethatIreadataverydifficulttimeinmylife.Mythreechildrenwereyoung,myhusband’sjobwasdemanding,andIwasbusyteachingyoga.Additionally,Ispent timeeachdaypracticingyogaandwritingarticlesforYogaJournal.Despitemyseemingsuccess,somethingwaswrong.Icouldn’tseemtojugglemylifesothatIcouldnotonlygeteverythingdone,butalsogetitdonewell.Onedaywhilebrowsinginabookstore,IpickedupTheRoadLessTraveled:ANewPsychologyofLove,TraditionalValues,andSpiritualGrowthbyScottPeck.Theveryfirstsentencesimultaneouslyshockedandcomfortedme:“Lifeisdifficult.”1

Waves of relief flooded throughme.Written plainly for all to see was thetruth that I had been living: my life was difficult. As I pondered further, Irealized somethingelse: Iwasmakingmy lifemore difficult.This recognitionwaspowerfulandI remember feelingasenseofphysical lightnessandmentalfreedom.Clearly,Ihadmisunderstoodandmisappliedtheconceptofdiscipline.

ForaslongasIcouldremember,Ihadspentmydaysaccomplishingaseriesof “have to’s,” things that I required myself to finish before going to bed.Parents,teachers,andfriendshadcommentedpositivelyonmyabilitytodoso.Ihad incorporated their reinforcement intomyself-image. In reality,mywayoflivingmylifewasunsustainable.Myattachmenttomyideaofdisciplinedroveme to work constantly. I had confused “getting things done” with the realmeaningofdiscipline.

Beginningwith thesimplewisdomofPeck, Iworkedwithmy thoughtsandmybehavior.Irealizedthatalthoughlifeisdifficult,Ididnothavetoapproachlife by becoming difficult myself. I decided to simplify my life. I began bygiving up working at my desk after the children were in bed, even though itseemedasifthosehoursweretheonlyquiettimeIcouldfindtowriteorkeepupwith other paperwork.Our after-dinner timebecamemore leisurely. I actuallyspent some timewithmyhusband,gotmore rest, and,paradoxically,began tofeelthatIwasaccomplishingmoreinmyday.

Next,IrealizedthatIcouldeitherpayatherapistforaonce-a-weeksessiontocomplainabouthowIwasoverworked,orIcouldpayateenagehelpertocomeinforafewhoursfourafternoonsaweek.Ichosethelatteroptionandendedupsavingmoneyaswellascontributingtomypeaceofmind.Ithasbeenaroadoftrial and error for me, and I have learned that discipline has less to do withaccomplishmentandmoretodowithintentionandwithcommitment.

In the Yoga Sutra, Patanjali discusses discipline in the first book, versetwelve: abhyasa-vairagyabhyam tan-nirodhah, or “The restriction of thesefluctuationsisachievedthroughpracticeanddispassion.”2Toelaborateonthisteaching,yoga,orthatstateinwhichfluctuations(oragitations)ofthemindareresolved, can be achieved by practice (or discipline) and detachment.(Detachment, or letting go, is the subject ofChapter Three.) Practice, then, isdiscipline inaction.This isdifferent from task-orientedbehavior.Discipline istrulyexpressedbymy intention to staypresent in eachmoment.Whether it isdriving my children to school, standing in the grocery line, paying bills,

interacting with coworkers, finishing a task on time, or practicing yoga in aformalway, if Ido itwithadeepintimacywitheachmoment, thenIamtrulydisciplined. Without that intimacy, I am merely performing a series ofmechanicalactions.

Severalyearsago,Imetawomanwhotoldmethatshehadbeguntomeditatefor five minutes every morning. My initial reaction was judgmental. What ajoke!,Ithought.Howcouldfiveminutesmakeanydifference?Intruth,shehadarealisticandbalancedattitudeaboutherlifeandherpractice.Shehaddeclaredher intention, and she lived her commitment to meditate every day. Sheinterpreted discipline as doing what was possible with consistency. I hadinterpreted discipline as quantity. I realized that I thought two hours of yogapractice indicated a disciplined life, whereas five minutes did not. In time, Icametorealizeherwisdom:Dowhatyoucananddoitfully.

Patanjalidescribesthisasabhyasa,whichcomesfromtheSanskritrootsabhiandas,andmeansliterally“toapplyoneself.”3Fromthisviewpoint,alloflifeispractice.Practiceisnotaboutwhatyouget,itisaboutwhatyougive.Whetheryouaredrivenor resistant, themedicine is thesame:dowhat is trulypossiblewith unwavering commitment to giving yourself to themoment.Without thisintention,practicebecomesanothertasktobecompletedanditlosesitsabilitytotransform.Andtransformation,orfreedom,isthereasonforalldiscipline.

DisciplinePractice

Intryingtobedisciplined,youmightforcesomethingunpleasantonyourselforthinkthatyoumustgiveupsomething.Thetruespiritofabhyasaisneither.Inthe following exercise, you will experience how discipline and freedom areintertwined.

Tobegin,makealistofthingsthatyouhavealwayswantedtodo,butneverseemtofindthetimetotry,orthingsthatyoualreadydobuthaveresistancetodoing. You might choose meditating, writing a book, playing the piano,practicingyogaposesorbreathingtechniques,readingagoodbook,ortakingadaily walk. It could be something else. What is important is that you picksomethingandcommityourself todoing it for fifteenminutesaday. Isuggestthatyoudothisonethingonlyandnotcombineitwithanotheractivity.Further,Irecommendthatyoudoitatthesametimeandinthesameplaceeachday.Ifthisisnotpossible,doitwhereandwhenyoucan.

Tosupportyourcommitment, seta timer. It is important tocontinuefor thefullfifteenminutes.Itisalsoimportanttostopafterfifteenminutes,sothatyoudonotbecomeobsessiveabouttheactivity.Somedaysyouwillwanttodothisexercise; other days, it may be difficult. In either case, do it anyway,acknowledgingthatitissomethingthatyouhavechosen.

At the beginning of each day’s activity, spend a few moments breathingquietly,declaringyour intention to staypresent throughout theactivity.At theendofeachday’sactivity,expressgratitudeforhavingtakentheopportunitytopractice. You might even write down the thoughts, feelings, and bodilysensations thatyouexperiencedduringpractice.Keep thembrief.Carryonforone month, and then review your experience. At that time, you may want to

continuetheactivity,changeit,ordropitalltogether.Inanycase,youwillhavehadtheopportunitytoexperienceconsistencyandcommitmentwithoutrigidity.Inaddition,yourenergeticexperienceof thisactivitymaybesofter, smoother,moreexpansive,andmoreintegratedwithyourotherenergeticexperiencesthanwhenyouwerejustthinkingaboutdoingit,forcingyourselftodoit,oravoidingdoingit.


•Doonethingatatime.•Commityourselftodoingwhatispossible.Makealistofwhatyou

have to do tomorrow; eliminate activities that are unnecessary andreschedulethosethatcanandshouldbepostponed.

•TakeanapeverySunday.• Slow down. Begin each activity, such as driving, speaking at a

meeting,orwalkingontoyourcommutertrain,withonegentleinhalation,followedbyacalmexhalation.

•Askforhelpwithatask.• If you are experiencing resistance to doing yoga, begin with the

Abiding Practice from Chapter One, “Spiritual Seeking,” or schedule apractice date with a friend to help you get started. If your practice feelsstale,takeadayoff.

•Takealunchbreakeveryday.•Wheredoesthetimego?Noonethinkshehasenoughofit totake

timeoutforhimself.AsIwroteinmyfirstbook,RelaxandRenew:RestfulYoga for Stressful Times, write down what you do in one-half-hourincrements, from 7:00 A.M. to 9:30 P.M. for the next three days. Thisexercise will help you discover free time. Rather than dragging yourselffromonedutytothenext,takeabreak.Thinkhowrestorativeitwouldbetorelax,or topracticeyoga,or topaintwater-colors.Iguaranteethatyouwillbemoreproductiveforhavingdoneso.

•Whenyounotice thatyouarepushingyourself to complete a task,soften and be merciful with yourself. Inhale quietly and exhale gently,extending the very same kindness to yourself that you would extend toanotherinthesamesituation.Beginagain.


•Igivemyselffullytoeachmoment.•Disciplineisquality,notquantity.•Icanalwaysmakeachoice.•Thereisenoughtime.•Myyogapracticeisdisciplineinaction.

3

LettingGo

abhyasa-vairagyabhyamtan-nirodhah

The restriction of these fluctuations is achieved through practice anddispassion.

—YogaSutra1:12

One of the most frequently studied principles of yoga’s sacred texts is theconceptoflettinggo.Alsocalleddetachmentorsurrender,lettinggoisanactioncarried out in relationship with a religious figure or guru, with a particularteaching, and, most important, with the nitty-gritty details of the presentmoment.Lettinggoisdifficultformostofustounderstandandtopractice.

WhileIwasdiscussingsurrenderanddetachmentseveralyearsagowithafewyogastudents,oneofthemstatedemphatically,“Itriedthatsurrenderthingonceanditdidn’twork.”Herresponsegaveusallagoodlaugh,butitwasthetruth.Trying“thatsurrenderthingonce”willnotdomuch.Itisalifetimepracticethatmustbebuiltondeepunderstanding.

VersetwelveofbookoneoftheYogaSutraaddressesdetachment:abhyasa-vairagyabhyam tan-nirodhah, or “The restriction of these fluctuations is

achievedthroughpracticeanddispassion.1HerePatanjaliteachesthatwholenesscomes from abhyasa, whichmeans “to apply oneself”2 (discussed in ChapterTwo,“Discipline”),andfromvairagya,or“supremedetachment.”3

Why is detachment so difficult to understand? Perhaps the problem lies inconfusingbeingdetachedwithbeinguninterested.Actually,theyareopposites.Ifyouareuninterested,youwithdraw,you turnyourbackon life,which, in away,deniesthedifficultyoflife.Tobedetachedistostandinthemiddleofthemarketplace,withallitsconfusionandnoise,andtoremainpresenttoyourselfand to all that is. Nowondermy studentwas pessimistic about being able tosurrender.

Ifweaccept the importanceofdetachment, fromwhat, then,dowedetach?Patanjali introduces the important conceptofavidya in the secondbook,versethree: avidya-asmita-raga-dvesha-abhiniveshah panca-kleshah, or “Nescience,I-am-ness, attachment, aversion, and the will-to-live are the five causes-of-affliction.”4Avidyahas threeparts:a, thenegatingprefix,vid,“toseewiththeinnereye,”5andya,theactivatingsuffix.Inliteralterms,avidyameans“activelybeing in the state of not seeing the true nature of reality.”6 The classicaltranslation ofavidya is “nescience” or “ignorance.”7 Patanjali teaches thatwearecaught inavidya, that is, inseeingreality fromourownparticularpointofview.

A story can help to clarify this point. In An American Tragedy, novelistTheodore Dreiser writes about a young man in search of his missing father.Along the way, he visits a Native American chief and asks for his help inunderstandinghissituation.Thechiefpointstothewovenrugcoveringthefloor.Turning it over to reveal themyriad threads lying in a confusionof color, thechiefsaysthatthisishowtheworldlookstous.Turningtherugrightsideup,the chief tells the young man to see the intricate and beautiful pattern nowapparent.ThechiefsuggeststhatthisisthewaytheworldlookstoGod.

The lessonhere,ofcourse, is that truth isamatterofperspective.So ifyouaskyourselffromwhatexactlyareyoutobedetached,theonlypossibleanswer

isthatyouaretogiveupyourattachmenttothewayyouthinkthingsare.Whenyoudo,yougetoutofyourownwayandcanexperienceanotherperspective.All the spiritual traditions talk about enlightenmentor realization.Oneway toviewenlightenment isasa radical shift inperspective.Nothingoutsideofyouhaschanged:youhavechanged.Andyet,paradoxically,youhavenotchanged,butratherhavebecomewhatyoualreadyare.Youhavejustremovedthesmokescreenofignorancesothatwhatalwayshadbeenpresenthasbecomeapparent.

Another aspect of surrender is that, yes, eventually we must give upeverything.Someyearsago,whilefillingoutaform,Istaredattheblankspacein which I was to indicate my permanent address. Being in a philosophicalmood, I was momentarily stumped by this question. I asked myself,What ispermanent?The next questionwas,Do you own or rent your home?Own?, Ithought.IfIamhonestabouttheanswertothisquestion,ImustadmitthatIownnothing.Ihave togivebackeverythingwhenIdie:mybody,myfeelings,mymind,my thoughts,my experiences,my education,my husband,my children,my family,my friends,myprofession, andevenmyyoga; in short, absolutelyeverythingthatIthinkIam.

Patanjali’s“detachment”beckonsyoutocultivatethewillingnesstosurrenderas you go along, right here and now, but not because you despair or areuninterested.Onthecontrary,detachmentrequirestotalengagement.Whenyouallow yourself to see things as they really are, then—and only then—can youloveyourselfandotherswithouthiddenexpectations.Detachmentisthegreatestactoflove.

Learningthelessonofvairagyaisadailyone.Recently,Itookmydaughtertoseeherorthodontist.Whileinthewaitingroom,welookedtogetheratabookofholograms. She turned through the twenty-page book, exclaiming about thebeautyof thehiddendesigns. I couldnot see evenone, although shepatientlyexplained how to do so.When shewent in for her exam, I becamemore andmore agitated and impatient because, try as Imight, I still could not find thehiddenimages.Iwasangrywithmyselfforfailing.ThenIfeltsorryformyselfforbeingsostupidastohavebeen,onceagain,outsmartedbytechnology.

Inresignation,I triedonemoretimeand,forsomeunknownreason,relaxedmyintensefocusonthepictures.Atonce,thehiddendesignjumpedoutatme,andIwasdrawnintoanotherworld,oneofdepthandbeauty.Iexcitedlyturnedthepages,vowingnottoleaveuntilIhadseeneverydesign.Laterthatnight,asIretoldtheday’seventstomyhusband,Iwasstruckwiththepowerofwhathadhappened.Thiswasalivingteaching:WhenIletgo,Iwasabletoseewhathadbeentherethewholetime.Patanjaliwouldhavebeenproud.

LettingGoPractice

Learning to livewithdetachment is, tosay the least,achallenge. I find thatpayingattentionto thoseverymomentswhenIfeelattachedtobeaneffectivetechniqueoflettinggo.Forexample,whenIfindmyselfinasurrenderstruggle,instead of trying to detach fromwhatever it is, including the struggle, I allowmyself to feel my attachment completely. When I shine the spotlight ofawarenessonthisattachment,Iactuallydiscoversomethingelse:perspective.AsIbecomeawareofmyattachment,ithaslesspoweroverme.

This practice can be done both on and off the yogamat. It is difficult butrewardingbeyondbelief.Thenext timeyoufeelyourselfcaught in thegripofattachment,suchaswantingsomethingtoturnoutacertainway,taketimeout—rightthenandthere—tonoticewhatishappeninginyourbody.Howdoesyourbelly feel? Has your breathing changed? Is your jaw tight? Your foreheaddrawn? Notice your bodily sensations. They are the manifestations of yourattachment.

Staypresent toyourbodilysensations.Ifyoutry topullsurrender toyouorpush discomfort away, you will create even more agitation. Engage life byacceptingthesensationsastheyare.Asyoucontinue,youmaynoticethatyoubegintorelaxandthatyourmindisnotgrippedsotightlyaroundtheoutcome.Andifthisdoesnothappenthefirsttimeyoupracticethisexercise—oreventhethirty-firsttime—thatisokay.Justkeeppracticing.This,too,issurrender.


• If you notice that you have a strong desire to be right, try notventuringanopinionthenexttimesomeoneelseexpressesone.

•Ifyouareinasituationinwhichyounoticeyourattachmenttotheoutcome of a problem, offer your help and then step back; thiswill freeotherstodothesame.

•Whentheoccasionarises,goalongwithwhatyourpartnerorfriendwants.Letherpick therestaurantormovie.Or, ifyoualwaysrelyonherlead,youpick.Relinquishthehabitofhavingtobeinchargeorthehabitofgivingin.


•Detachmentisthegreatestactoflove.•Iamwillingtoengagelife.•Thismomentistheperfectmomenttoletgo.

4

Self-Judgment

sthira-sukhamasanam

Thepostureshouldbesteadyandcomfortable.—YogaSutra2:46

Thedefinitionofasana,or“yogapose,” is found in the secondbook,verseforty-six,of theYogaSutra:sthira-sukhamasanam,or“Thepostureshouldbesteadyandcomfortable.”1Tosome,thisverseissurprising,becauseitdoesnotjivewithwhatisgenerallyunderstoodaboutthisphysicalaspectofyoga.Whatcould Patanjali possibly mean by “comfortable”? What about sweat, twenty-minuteHeadstands(SalambaShirshasana),andtheexercisemantraof“Nopain,nogain”?

Throughout the years, I have noticed the tendency in myself and others tothinkthatwemustpracticeboot-campyoga,thatis,theposesmustbedifficult,evenpainful,tobebeneficialandworthwhile.Sadly,wedonotpracticetofindthecomfortable,buttoovercomeourselvesandconquerthepose.Inreality,ourthoughts about the poses reflect our thoughts about ourselves. It is notuncommonforstudentstoberatethemselveswithself-judginginternaldialogueduringpractice.

I saw this tendency more clearly in myself after listening to an exchangebetween a friend andmy daughter, who was three years old at the time.Myfriendaskedherifshedidyoga,meaningasanas.Lookingupfromherplay,mydaughtershookherheadno,declaringthatshedid“traumayama.”(Pranayamais the term for “breathing exercises.”)Out of themouths of babes!, I thought.Heranswerremindedmethat I, too,practiced traumayama.Manytimes inmypractice, as well as in other areas of my life, I responded from a place ofjudgment.Oftenmy internaldialoguewasnegativeandpejorative,causingmetoinflictmyyogapracticeuponmyself.AndifIwasdoingthattomyself,whatwasIteachingmystudents?HowwasIinteractingwithfamilyandfriends?

IbegantopayattentiontohowoftenIjudgedmyself.Iwasappalledtolearnthatmost of the timemy inner dialoguewas self-judgmental. Butwhat reallyshookmewaswhenIdiscoveredsomethingevenmoredisconcerting:therewasno way that I could be harsh toward myself and, at the same time, becompassionate to others. I realized also that the process of silently puttingmyselfdownwasactuallyaformofegoism.

Ifyouexpectmorefromyourselfthanfromothers,youaresayingthatyouarebetterthanothersand,therefore,mustperformatasuperiorlevel.Idonotmeanthatyoushouldnot setgoals foryourself.Rather, thequestion is,howdoyoureactifyoucannotmeetthesegoals?Honestlyadmittingthatyoumayhavenotdone your best is not judgment. It is judgment when you draw a conclusionabout yourself based on your ideas about failure. Honesty involves takingresponsibility; judgment has to do with blame. To view yourself as bad or afailurebecauseyoudidnotaccomplishwhatyousetouttodoisjudgment.Tostate clearly and simply that you did not accomplish your plan is takingresponsibility.

Another of my children taught me a great lesson about self-judgment.Recently,Iwashavingdifficultyinreplacingpaperinmyfaxmachine.Asmydifficultyescalated,sodidmyinnerchatterofcriticism.Imakeitapracticetoverbalize these judgments whenever possible. Hearing them makes themobvious,evenludicrous,andthishelpsmetoletgoofthem.

AsIcontinuedloadingthefaxpaper,Istatedmyjudgmentsoutloud:“Whyam I so stupid? Why can’t I do anything right?” Unbeknownst to me, myteenagesonwascookinginthekitchen,andheoverheardme.Inthepast,hehadcome tomyaidwhen Ineeded“in-house” technological support.Thisday,hecame intomyofficeandsaidwithagrin,“Mom,don’tbesoself-deprecating.Youcandosomethingright.Youhadme.”Itwasajoke,buthesaiditwithsuchlove that I immediately started crying and hugged him.Although Imay thinkthatmycriticalinnerdialogueisharmingonlyme,itdoesaffectothers,inwaysbothdirectand indirect.Thepowerof thismomentstayedwithmeforseveraldays.

WhatPatanjali teaches about “comfortable” has relevance to the practice ofyogaposes,whicharenotdifferent fromthepracticeof life itself.Learning tolive in a way that is comfortable, or agreeable, to others and to the Earth iscrucial. Itbeginswhenyoucanbringasenseof thecomfortable toyour innerlife, toyour thoughts,andtohowyouframeyourrealitybyhowyouspeaktoyourself.

The translationof thefirstword inPatanjali’sverse is interesting.Thewordsthirameans “steady.”2 Although not the same Sanskrit word as discussed inChapterOne,“SpiritualSeeking,”forme,sthiraalsohasafeelingof“abiding.”3

Toabide is “to remain presentwith a sense of fullness.”4When you resort toself-judgment,youarenolongerpresent,youarenolongerpracticing.Learningto be present with yourself and to abide in that which is “steady andcomfortable”doesnotallowspace for self-judgment.Whenyou live thisway,youarepracticingyoga:youarelivingfully.

Finally,anotherfamilyincidenttaughtmeaboutthepowerofself-judgment.Whenour three childrenwere small, their traditionwas to create awhole bagfullofbrightlycoloredandglitteringhomemadeFather’sDaycards.Theywould“surprise” their dadwhile hewas still in bed, ceremoniously handing him thecards, onebyone, until several dozenhadbeengivenout.Oneyear, after theoldesthadlearnedtowritebutnot tospell, theypresentedhimwithabigcardthatsaid,“HappyFather’sDay,Dad.Weloveyou.Justbeyourslef.”Ofcourse,

they could not have known how endearing this misspelling was, and howimportant itwas tous that theyunderstand this lifemessage.Since thatday, IhavereflectedonbeingmyslefmanytimesasIhavewrestledwithmylackofself-acceptanceandmycontinuedself-judgment.

MySlefPractice

Ifyouaretofreeyourselfofthoughtsofself-judgment,thenfirstyoumustbeaware of them. Try this exercise. Taking your physical limitations and healthintoaccount,pickayogaposethatisdifficult,ifnotimpossible,foryoutodo.Practice,orratherattempttopractice,thisposeeverydayforonemonth.

Tobegin,saysilentlyoroutloud,“Iamattemptingsomethingdifficult,andIappreciatemyselffortrying.”Thenpaycloseattentiontoyourinternaldialogueasyoupracticethepose.Attimes,youmayeventalkyourselfthroughtheposeoutloud.Listentotheinstructionsyougiveyourselfaboutthephysicalaspectsof how to do the pose.Whose instructions are they?Your own?A teacher’s?Whatdoyousaytoyourselfwhenyousucceed?Whenyoufail?Whenyouaresomewhere in between? Can you do the pose just to do the pose? Can yourdialoguebecomeagreeable?Istheposequietandsteady?Whenyoucomeoutofthepose,sayaloud,“Ihavetriedsomethingdifficult,andIappreciatemyselffortrying.”

When you feel comfortable in the pose, pick another one and repeat theprocess. Then try something that is difficult in another area of your life.Remember, the difficulty might never change, but your attitude and innerdialoguecan.


•You canwrite downyour internal dialogue right after theMySlefPractice.Keepyour jottingsbrief.Donot try to interpret them. Itwill beinterestingtonoteiforhowthedialoguechangesthroughouttime.

• If you find yourself forcing in asana (or in any other part of yourlife),askyourself,Isthisinthespiritofyogaoristhistraumayama?

• If you notice that someone else is judging you, don’t be quick toagreeortointernalizethejudgment.Thinkaboutwhathappenedandagreeonlyifhisassessmentalignswithyours.

•Ifyouaregoingintoasituationaboutwhichyoufeelanxious,tense,orafraid,saytoyourself,IamperfectjustasIam.

•Rather than approachingyour yoga practice froman attitude of nopain,nogain,howaboutnopain,nopain?

•Donot criticize yourself, anyone else, or anything for onehour. Ifthisfeelsliketoomuch,committodoingthisforthenextfiveminutes.


•Icommittojustbeingmyslef.•Nopain,nopain.•Perfectionisanillusion.• I am attempting something difficult, and I appreciate myself for

trying.•IamperfectjustasIam.•AmIpracticingyogaortraumayama?•Iamchoosingtoletgoofmyself-judgmentnow.

5

Faith

shraddha-virya-smriti-samadhi-prajna-purvakaitaresham

Wholenessisprecededbyfaith,energy,mindfulness,union,andawareness.—YogaSutra1:20

As children, my brother and I waited on Christmas Eve with agonizingintensityfor thearrivalofSantaClaus.Wehadtotalbeliefnotonly inSanta’sexistence,butalsothathewouldleavepackagesunderourtree,eventhoughwedidnothaveachimney.UnlikesomekidswholearnedsuddenlythatthereisnoSantaClaus,wewereluckyenoughtograduallyrealizeonourownthatheisnotarealperson,butrepresentsthespiritofgivingthatisChristmas.

Years later, when I had my own children, I began to think morephilosophically about the power of belief, not only in relationship to SantaClaus,butalsototherestofmylife.InoticedthatwhenIusedthewordbelief,myperceptionwascontrolledbyasetofpredeterminedideasaboutthesituationor the person at hand. I came to see my beliefs as filters through which Iinterpreted everything aroundme. I began to pay attention to the times I used“belief.” It seemed thatwhen Idid, Iwas thinkingor talkingabout somethingthat could not change. For example, I had certain beliefs about my physicalabilities,especiallyinrelationshiptoyogaposes.WhenIbeganpracticingyoga,

IwouldlookatsomeofthemoreexoticposeswiththebeliefthatIcouldneverdothem.Aftermanyyearsofdiligentpractice,IfindthatIcandothemandhavebeenabletoside-stepmyso-calledbeliefs.

AsIstudiedtheYogaSutra,InoticedthatPatanjaliusedthewordfaithratherthanbelief.Why?Idecidedtoreadonesutraatatimefromdifferenttranslationsandletthemeaningsinkinthroughoutdaysorweeks.Fromthispractice,Icametounderstandthatbeliefisapreconceptionaboutthewayrealityshouldbe;faithis thewillingness toexperience realityas it is, including theacceptanceof theunknown.An interestingway to understand the difference is to use thewordsinterchangeably in the same sentence: Ibelieve inSantaClaus. Ihave faith inSanta Claus. Belief can impede spiritual unfoldment; faith is supremelynecessaryforit.

Inversetwenty,bookone,oftheYogaSutra,Patanjalistatestheimportanceof faith to spiritual practice: shraddha-virya-smriti samadhi-prajna-purvakaitaresham,or“Wholenessisprecededbyfaith,energy,mindfulness,union,andawareness.”1Thepracticesofyoga,whichincludeposes,breathing,meditation,and self-awareness techniques, are difficult in and of themselves. It is alsodifficult to practice consistently in the midst of our busy lives. In order tocommitourselves topractice,wemusthave faith that theywillbe fruitfulandaccomplishtheirintent,whichistohelpusturntowardourselvesandrecognizeouressentialwholeness.

Faith is a recipemade up of part trust in ourselves, part experience of lifeworking out, and part intuitive connection with the Divine. There is aknowingness about faith that instills assurance in the faithful. One day,whilewalkinginthewoods,mythenthree-year-olddaughteraskedmewhohadmadethetrees.IrespondedthatGodhadmadethemwhenhehadmadetheworld.Shewhirledaround,handsonherhips,cockedherheadtooneside,andsaidinthatsupremely confidentway so common to the very young, “Mommy, don’t youknowthatGod’sashe,too?”Facedwithsuchpurefaith,Icoulddonothingbutrespond,“Ofcourse.”

FaithhasaninnocenceandacertaintythatIfindanalluringqualityinothers

and comforting one in myself. Faith is the quiet cousin of Courage. Faith iswillingtoputitsfootoutwhenthereisnoguaranteethattherewillbeasteptosupport it.Withoutfaith,wecannotmakethemost importantdecisionsof life:whenand if tobecomeaparent,whether tomoveacross thecountry to takeanewjob,whenarelationshipshouldbeended,andmyriadothers.

Butinwhatarewetohavefaith?Basically,wearetohavefaithinjustabouteverything.ThemysteryoftheUniverseandourexistenceinitdemandsfaithineverythingfromthemundanetothespectacular:fromtheworkerswhobuiltourhousesothatitwillstayupoverourheadsduringthenightwhilewesleeptothecycling of the seasons. There is a comforting Japanese folk Zen saying thatpoignantlyremindsusofthenecessityoffaith:

Everything

Changesinthisworld

Butflowerswillopen

Eachspring

Justasusual.2

Forthosepracticingyoga,Patanjalistatesthatwemustfirsthavefaithintheefficacy of the practices of yoga.Unlesswe have faith in the ability of thesepractices to facilitate self-transformation, we will be unable to continue themwhen thegoinggetsdifficult,boring,ordemanding.Next,hesuggests thatwehavefaithintheteachers,bothlivinganddead,whocansharetheirexperiencewith us through their living teachings and, more significantly, through theirexamples. Finally, faith in ourselves is themost important prerequisite to thestudy of yoga.Having faith in yourself honors that inner knowing that guidesyouunerringlyhometotheDivine.

FaithPractice

Adear friendand teacherofyogadied recently.Athermemorial service, itwassaidthatduringherlifeshe“madetheharddecisionswithasoftheart.”Tome,thisistheessenceoffaith.Whenwehavefaithinourselvesandothers,weareabletomakedifficultdecisionswhennecessary.Butatthesametime,wedonot lose thecompassionandsoftness inside thatconnectsus toothers.WhenIlosefaithinmyselforintheUniverse,mydecisionsaremorelikelytobemadeoutoffearoranger.IfItrytomakelife’sdifficultdecisionswithoutconnectingwithmyheart,Idonotactinthebestinterestsofallconcerned.MyfaithismostapparentwhenIhave thecourage toact frommyheartand thecompassion tostay open. This is the ultimate expression of faith. I am reminded of anotherJapanesefolkZensaying:

Fishliveinstreams

Birdsnestintrees

Humanbeingsdwell

Inwarmhearts.3

Tokeepthefaith,recitebothJapanesefolkZensayingsinthischapter.Theywillhelptosootheyouduringtryingtimesandstrengthenyourresolveinlightermoments.


• Using complete sentences, write down the things in which youbelieve.Rewritethelist,replacingbelievewithfaith.

•Doyouhaveafavoritenaturespotinyourgardenorintheparknearwhereyouwork?Visititasoftenasyoucan.Noticehowtheplants,trees,andeventheskyoverheadchangeswiththeseasons.Dependingonwhereyoulive,thechangesmaybesubtle.Nevertheless,allisasitshouldbe.


•Ihavefaithinmyself.•Ihavethecouragetoactfrommyheartandthecompassiontostay

open.•Ihavefaithinyoga.•Iamwillingtomaketheharddecisionswithasoftheart.•Ihavefaithinmywillingnesstohavefaith.•FaithisthequietcousinofCourage.

6

Perspective

viveka-khyatir-aviplavahana-upayah

Themeansofattainingcessationistheunceasingvisionofdiscernment.—YogaSutra2:26

In Chapter Three, “Letting Go,” I described how my trying to see theholograms in a book actually prevented my discovering them. Althoughnecessaryinyogapracticeandinfacinglife’schallenges,effortcanactuallyalsobe an obstacle. In book two, verse twenty-six, of the Yoga Sutra, Patanjaliwrites, viveka-khyatir-aviplava hana-upayah, or “The means of attainingcessation is the unceasing vision of discernment.”1 His teaching implies twoimportantthingsabouteffort.First,whateverweneedtoseeisrightinfrontofus.Howoftendowe forget to lookhomeward foranswers to thequestionsoflife? As I discussed in Chapter One, “Spiritual Seeking,” many of the greatteachershave toldus that theanswerscanbefoundwithinus.Sadly,weoftenforgettotrustthewhisperingsofourownhearts.

Second,Patanjali teaches that thepowerofdiscriminationhelpsus tobetterunderstandthenatureofreality.Anotherwaytodescribe this is tosay thatwecanbenefitfrommaintainingperspectiveaboutwhatishappeninginlife—right

here, rightnow.Even though I finally could see theholograms,nothingaboutthe holograms had changed. The holograms were there and I was there.However,Ibenefitedfromshiftingmyperspective,firstbyrelaxingandthenbychangingmy visual focus.Whenwe cling to one point of view,we limit ourability to see what is before us. Enlightenment, in fact, is nothing more andnothinglessthanaradicalchangeofperspective.

Lifewill continually challengeus. Ifwepay attention, these challenges canbroadenourperspective.Oneday,Iwalkedintomyson’sroomandaskedhimtopickupthethingsthatclutteredthefloor.Itoldhimthatheneededtocreatesomeorderoutofhischaos.Turningtolookatme,hesaiddryly,“But,Mom,don’tyouknowthatorderisjustchaosrepeatedtwice.”Speechless,Iquietlyleftthe room. I certainly learned an interesting lesson that day in the power ofperspective!

Somuchofwhatwecallwisdomisreallytheclarityofperspective.Whenwestepbackandallowperspectivetobepartofourprocessofperception,weareusingthediscriminationofwhichPatanjalispeaks.Withourwillingnesstohaveperspective,notonlydoweincreaseourabilitytodistinguishtheimportantfromtheunimportant,wealsoincreaseourcapacityforcompassiontowardourselvesandothers.Bypayingattentiontohowweloseperspectiveaboutlittlethings,asIdidinmyescapadewiththeholograms,wecancreateahabitofopeningourperspectivetoaccommodatethemoreimportantthings.Wewillbemorelikelytounderstandwhatisactuallypermanentandlastingandwhatisnot.

Astoryillustratesthepoint.Oneday,amonkwaswalkingbythebanksofalake and found an abandoned rowboat. He spent several months lovinglyrestoringit.Finally,thedaycametolaunchitontheclearwatersofthelake.Ashe began to row, he noticed that it was getting foggy, but he continuednonetheless. Suddenly, swiftly cutting through the fog came another rowboat,whichrammedintohisboat.Allofhiswork—thenewwoodandthepaintjob—was damaged. The monk got angry and strained to see who had done thisthoughtlessthingtohisbeautifulboat.Andthenhesawthattheotherboatwasempty.Hisangercollapsedinthemoment.

Somuchofoursufferingislinkedtoeffortandtoreactionsthataretiedtoaniron-cladperspective.Whenthemonktookagoodlookatwhathadhappened,he moved from reaction to having perspective. Perhaps Patanjali is trying toteach us that at least someof the annoying events andpeople in our lives aresimplyemptyrowboats.

PerspectivePractice

Letmetellyouanotherstory.Avillagerlivedinasmallhousewithhiswife,mother-in-law,sixchildren,acow,andsomechickens.Itwasdrivinghimcrazy.Sohewenttothevillagerabbiandaskedforhelp.Therabbisaidthathecouldsolve the problem: he advised the man to buy a goat. Overjoyed, the manimmediatelywentoutandboughtagoat.Nowhehadawife,amother-in-law,six children, a cow, some chickens, and a goat. The house was even morechaotic than before. The villager returned to the rabbi and described theincreasedchaos.Onceagaintherabbisaidthathecouldsolvetheproblem.Hetold theman to sell thegoat.Obediently, thevillagerwent homeand soldhisgoat.Suddenly,allhehadinhissmallhousewerehiswife,hismother-in-law,hissixkids,acow,andsomechickens.Thingswerepositivelypeacefulwithoutthatgoat.

Borrowingfromthisstory,IdecidedtomakeaMantraforDailyLivingthischapter’s main practice. When you find yourself in a situation that could bemadebetter ifyouwere to stepback togainperspective, inhalegentlyandonyournextexhalation,saytoyourself,Sellthegoat.Considerpostingthemantrainplaceswhereitwouldbehelpfultoberemindedtosoftenyourgriponyourpointofview:inyourdatebook,inyouryogapracticespace,insideafilefolderthat youmust take into ameeting, near the telephone, or on the edge of yourcomputerscreen.Yourlifeisasitis.Howyoufeelaboutyourlifeisupyou.


•Makeatwo-columnlist.Inone,listsomethingsorpeoplethatyouexperience as difficult. In the other,write down simpleways to help yougainperspective.Forexample,youhaveanupcomingsocialeventthatyoudread. In column one, write down all the reasons that you anticipate thedifficulty,suchasthereasonforthegathering,someofthepeoplewhowillbethere,orsomethingelse.Incolumntwo,notewhat is important toyouabout the event and at least one thing that you like about each attendee.Although this exercise cannot guarantee smooth sailing, it can help yousoftenyourdreadandwidenyourperspective.

•Asyoupracticeyoga,noticeyourintentionandyourdegreeofeffort.Aretheyhelpful?Doyouneedtostepbackandreevaluate?

•Makea tradeagreementwithafriend.Washhisdishesandlethimwashyours.Someoneelse’sdishesarealwaysmoreinteresting.

•Lieonthebedwithyourchildand“hangout.”Justbethereasshedoes her homework or reads a book. Imagine the stresses of being a kidtoday.Tellherthatyouappreciatethedifficultiesofherlife.

•Cultivate gratitude.Write a list of all the things about your life oraboutsomeoneyouloveforwhichyouaregrateful.


•Therowboatisempty.•Softenandbemerciful.•Sellthegoat.•Itwon’tbethiswayforever.• The worse could happen; the best could happen. Life is usually

somewhereinbetween.

7

Courage

avinashitutadviddhiyenasarvamidamtatamvinashamavyayasyasyanakashcitkartumarhati

Yet,knowas indestructable thatbywhich thiswholeworld isspreadout.Nooneisabletoaccomplishthedestructionofthatwhichisimmutable.

—BhagavadGita2:17

I find it interesting thatwebelieve thatboth loveandcourage residewithinthe heart. I am reminded of the cowardly lion in The Wizard of Oz whodiscovered that thepath to couragewas through theheart, andof howwe tellpeoplewhoareafraidto“takeheart.”Ithinkthat,aftertheabilitytoloveone’sselfandothers,courageisthesecondmostimportantqualitytocultivateinlife.Ihavebeentaughtrepeatedlytheimportanceoftruecourage,whichIhavecometo see as equal parts knowingwhat is possible forme and understandingmyinterdependencewiththeworldaroundme.

Eachsummer, Ivisit theTassajaraZenMountainCenter, inCarmelValley,California, where I teach the yoga portion of a workshop that integrates thedisciplinesofZenandyoga.Myfamilylikestoaccompanyme,andmychildren

spend their days in nature. One year, when they were still fairly young, theyhiked to the rapids, an old-fashioned swimming hole where there were largebouldersfromwhichtojumpintodark,coolwaters,farfromthedryheatoftheTassajarasummer.

Mydaughterwasfiveandverydeterminednevertobeleftoutwhenhertwoolderbrothersplungedaheadinlife.Aftertheboysjumpedoffthelargestrock,sheclimbedupandjumped, too.Whenaskedwhereshegot thecouragewhenevenadultsfounditdauntingtojumpoffthatrock,shereplied,“Ihaveagirl’scourage.”“What is that?,” I asked. “Brave,butnot foolish,” cameher reply. Iintendnodisparagementtoboysormenbytellingthisstory.However,Iguessthat shehad seenherbrothersdoother things that sheconsidered foolish.Shesaw the difference between doing something foolish just to appear brave anddoing something that actually required courage. This is, of course, a crucialdistinction.

Inyogaclasses,therearetimeswhenyouarechallengedbytheteachertotrysomethingthat,eitherforphysicalorforemotionalreasons,isfrightening.Thechallengemaybewhattheteacherthinksyouneed,andtomeetit,youmustcallupon your courage.But howdo you choose action?Howdo you differentiatebetween takingcareofyourselfandyourneed toovercomeresistanceor fear?One way is to take an inventory of where you are in the moment: What ispossibleforme?Whatisinmyheart?DoIwanttodothis?Isitappropriateforme?DoI trust this teacher in thissituation?DoIneedmorehelp thanwhat isbeing offered? Do I understand that I am not alone and can ask for help?Whateveryoudecide,knowthatcourageisnotforcingyourselftodosomethingbecause you want to be accepted, or don’t want to look like a coward or beembarrassed.Youexpressfoolishnesswhenyousimplyacquiesce,unwillingorunabletofindyourvoicetoobjectordecline.

Youcanstrengthenyourcouragemusclebyacknowledging toyourselfhowmanytimesadayyouchoosetoactfromtruecourage.

Inbooktwo,verseseventeen,theBhagavadGitastates,avinashitutadviddhiyenasarvamidamtatamvinashamavyayasyasya/nakashcitkartumarhati,or

“Yet,knowas indestructable thatbywhich thiswholeworld isspreadout.Noone is able to accomplish the destruction of that which is immutable.”1 LordKrishna tells theheroArjuna,metaphorically speaking, that there is no reasonfor him to cowerunder thebed, hiding from life andduty.He assuresArjunathatallispervadedbySpiritandthereisnothingtofear.KrishnawantsArjunatoforgeahead,trustinginhisonenesswithGod.TheBhagavadGitadescribesthisconnectionas“immutable.”

IresonatewiththisteachingbecausethosetimeswhenIhavebeenthemostafraidwerewhenIfeltdisconnectedfromGod,fromSpirit,fromtheUniverse,from family and friends, and, most important, from my own heart. Couragecannotexistinisolation.Justasaflowerneedssun,air,soil,andwatertobloom,your courage depends on your interdependence with people and things. Youmustcontemplatedeeplytounderstandthatwhenyoudowhatispossible,youare not in a free fall, but are cradled by your interdependencewith theworldaroundyou.Forexample,youmaydecidetomarryortohaveachild,quitajob,riskaninvestment,exploreyouremotionalpast,orsignuptogobacktocollegeaftermanyyears’absence.Yourworkistodistinguishwhatisimportantenoughto requireyourcommitmentandwhat isnotworthyofyourcourage.Youcanrestassuredthatwhenyouactfromtruecourage,thepeople,thetools,andyourowninnerknowingneededfortheheroine’sjourneywillbeavailabletoyou.

CouragePractice

ManytimesIthinkthatIlackcouragebecauseIfeelthatImustaccomplishadifficult task without feeling afraid. Themost important thing to know aboutcourageisthatitcradlesyouractioneventhoughyouareafraid.Tounderstandyour relationship with courage, pick a yoga pose that you find somewhatfrightening,butonethatyouarephysicallyabletodo.Formany,thismaybeaninversion,suchasHandstand(AdhoMukhaVrkshasana)doneatthewall.

Practicethisposeeveryday,butbeginslowly.Howlongyouholdtheposeisnotimportant.Onthefirstday,simplyfindaplaceinyourhousewhereyoucanpractice.Onday two,go toyourpracticeareaandworkwith thebeginningofthe basic variation ofHandstand. Sit on the floorwith your feet touching thebaseboard.Putyourhandsby thesidesofyourhips.This iswhereyourhandswill be when you practice the variation. Next, turn around and position yourhandsatthatplaceonthefloorandkneeldown.Liftyourkneesslightlyandthenliftonlyonefootandplaceitonthewall.Allowyourhandstobearsomeofyourbodyweight.

Thenextday,repeatdaytwo,andaddalittlemoreweight.Repeatthisforasmanydays as youneed to until you are able to lift first one leg, and then theother.Inthefinalpositionofthisvariation,yourbodyshouldbeintheshapeofanL,withyourfeetonthewallandyourhandsonthefloor.Asyouworkwiththepose,noticewhenfeararisesandwhenyourcouragehelpsyou.Notice,too,whenyoufeelreadytoreachoutforhelpfromaqualifiedyogateachertoworkonfullHandstandatthewall.

Keep up the rhythm of your practice. Remember, the point is not to dosomethingjustbecauseitisscary.Thepointistochoosetodowhatispossible

in the faceof fear.Thatchoicedefinescourage.Andwith it comesa senseoffreedom.


•Pickonepersonand,whenappropriate, tellhersomething thatyouhave long wanted or needed to say to her. Do this with love andcompassion.Listentoherresponseinthesamespirit.

• Remind yourself about how much courage it takes just to live intoday’s world. Spend a quiet moment in active appreciation of yourcourage.

•Refuse to tella lie,evenasmallone, today.Don’tagreewhenyoudon’t.Remembertospeakfromloveandtolistenwithcompassion.


•Iwilldowhatispossible.•Mycourageisanexpressionofmylove.•Courageisthewillingnesstoactinthefaceoftheunknown.•Livingfullyineachmomentisaradicalformofcourage.•LettinggoofwhatIcannotchangecelebratesmycourage.

PARTTWO

WideningtheCircle:YogaandRelationships

8

Compassion

maitri-karuna-mudita-upekshanamsukha-duhkha-punya-apunya-vishayanambhavanatash-citta-prasadanam

The projection of friendliness, compassion, gladness, and equanimitytowardsobjects—betheyjoyful,sorrowful,meritorious,ordemeritorious—bringaboutthepacificationofconsciousness.

—YogaSutra1:33

Although traditionally a solitary practice, yoga offers great potential fortransformationduringthosetimeswhenweareoffthemat.Forme,thestrengthofmy yoga is not necessarily tested duringmy practice of poses or breathingtechniques, but inmy intimate relationships.Heremy anger, attachments, andfears are not so easily hidden under a mantle of denial, avoidance, orachievement.InthissectionofLivingYourYoga,Iexplorethecircumstancesofinteractionthatcanbestudiedinthelaboratoryoftheserelationships.

PatanjalidoesnotdiscussrelationshipsveryoftenintheYogaSutra.Inbooktwo,versethirty,heindirectlymentionsthemwhenhetalksabouttheyama,or“restraints”: ahimsa-satya-asteya-brahmacarya-aparigraha yamah, or “Non-harming, truthfulness, non-stealing, chastity, and greedlessness are therestraints.”1 In addition, Patanjali advises us to choose the high ground in our

relationshipsinasecondreferencefoundinbookone,versethirty-three:maitri-karuna-mudita-upekshanam sukha-duhkha-punya-apunya-vishayanambhavanatash-citta-prasadanam,or“Theprojectionof friendliness,compassion,gladness, and equanimity towards objects—be they joyful, sorrowful,meritorious,ordemeritorious—bringaboutthepacificationofconsciousness.”2

I have chosen to focus on compassion. Traditions other than yoga alsounderscoretheimportanceofcompassion.Jesustellsus,“Loveoneanother”(1John3:23).AlthoughtheDalaiLamadescribeshimselfas“asimplemonk,”heisregardedasareincarnationofAvalokiteshvara,theBuddhaofCompassion.InJapan,thisBuddhaiscalledKannon,or“shewhohearsthecriesoftheworld.”

Whatiscompassion?Forwhomarewetofeelit?When?Howdowelearntohearthecriesoftheworld?ThewordisderivedfromtheLatinprefixcom-andthe Latin word pati andmeans literally “to suffer with.”3 In book one, versethirty-three of the Yoga Sutra, Patanjali implies that compassion is to beexpressedtoeveryone,allthetime.Hepromisesthattodosowillpurifyus.Butjust as with the amity, dispassion, and goodwill that Patanjali encourages,expressing compassion is definitely a learn-as-you-go process. It is alsocumulative.We can strengthen our ability to be compassionate by repeatedlyexpressingcompassion.

But compassion does not develop in isolation from the rest of our lives.Consider the apple you bought for lunch.Your eating it is the result ofmanyconditions, such as seeds, sun,water,wind, soil, trees, farmers, truckers, storeclerks, as well as the efforts of many other unseen people and things.Compassion, too, is interdependentwithmanyconditions. Itnecessarilybeginswith your willingness to be compassionate. It is always a partner of wisdom,which is gained from experience. And this experience leads directly back tocompassion.

Theoldaxiomwinsout:Charitybeginsathome.So, too,withcompassion.Youmust beginwith yourself. To be compassionate toward others, youmustfirst understand that you suffer. This awareness allows you to see that otherssuffer, too,andtorespondwithclaritytothiscondition,whichissharedbyall

livingbeings.Oneoftheworld’smostwellknownspiritualteacherscamefromIndia.HewascalledBuddha,or“awakenedone.”Inhisfirstteachingafterhisenlightenment, he imparted the Four Noble Truths. The basis of all Buddhistteaching, theygostraight to theheartof thematterofbeingalive: the truthofsuffering; the truthof theoriginof suffering; the truthof theendof suffering;andthetruthofthepaththatleadstotheendofsuffering.

Iremember thefirstclassI tookonBuddhism.Whentheteacher introducedBuddha’sfirstNobleTruth,Ifoundthediscussionslightlyirritating.Ibegantowriggleinmyseat.Whydidhesaythatallofexistenceismarkedbysuffering?Iwas not suffering. I had plenty to eat, awarmhome, a loving husband, andwork I enjoyed.As the discussion progressed, I became increasingly agitated,finallyarguingwiththeteacherthattherewasnowaythatthiscouldbetrueforme,andthatitwasobvioustomethatIwasdefinitelynotsuffering.Theironyofthesituationwaslostonmeuntilsometimelater.ItfinallydawnedonmethatIhadjustproventhetruthoftheteachingthroughmyimmediatedefensiveness,anger, and lack of self-awareness. Inside, I was suffering deeply. I sufferedprimarilybecauseofmydesire fora life thatwas“perfect”and tokeep it thatway. When honest about my emotional life, I saw that my upheavals weregenerallyrelatedtothisdesire.AsIbegantounderstandthedifficultiesthathadexistedinmyfamilyoforiginandthechallengesofmymarriage,Icametoseehowthesesituationswerereflected inmyclingingto the ideaofaperfect life.Andwith thisrealization,Igainedsomewisdomandsomecompassiontowardmyself.

As a parent, I have oftenwrestledwithwhat itmeans to be compassionatetowardmychildren.Whendo Ibackoff and let them learn life’s lessons, andwhendo I step inandprotect themfroma lesson that is toobrutalgiven theiremotionalmaturity?Likemostimportantquestions,thisonedoesnothaveapatanswer.IhavelearnedthatthemostcompassionateresponseIcanhaveistobewilling not to judge their behavior, but to try to see the situation from theirpoints of view. This does not mean that I forfeit my opinion on the mosteffectivecourseofactiontheymightchoose.Rather,Ihavetheintentiontotrulyfeel the situation from their narrow views, thus stepping back from my ownnarrowview.

Teachingcompassionisbothimportantanddifficult.Thisbecamecleartomeone day at a neighborhood park. As I watched my son dig in the sandbox,anotherchild tried to takehisshovel. Iwatchedas theboy’smotherexplainedwhyhecouldn’thaveit.Iwatchedasmysonmovedawayfromtheshovelandastheotherchildseizedthecovetedobject.Finally,Iwatchedasmysoncamebackfortheshovelandthefightbegan.IfyouareconcernedthatIwithdrewmyparenting,Ididnot.Whenthefightstarted,Idefinitelywaspartoftheprocess,talkingtomysonaboutsharingwithothers.Ifeltcompassionforallofus—myson, the other child, his mother, and myself—in our oh-so-human reactions.AlthoughIguidedmysontomakethechoicetoshare,Istillfeltcompassionforhisreluctancetodoso.Withlotsofencouragement,hefinallydidlettheotherboyusetheshovel,andtheyactuallybegantoplaytogether.Ihadtriedtoguidemytwo-year-oldtowardthethingsweoftenforget:sharingandtrust.Asadults,wecontinuetofightovertheshovelinthesandbox,onlynowitisacountry,oroil,orreligion.

Onanotherday,Ihadyetanotheropportunity.Ihadpurchasedanewballformychildren,andweheadedforthepark.Afterseveralhoursofplay, theyhadhadtheirfilloftheball.Ayoungboyaskedusifheandhisfriendscouldplaywith it.Trustinghim, Iagreed.Hewentoffandwenever sawhimor theballagain.Whiledrivinghome,Irealizedthatthiswasaperfectopportunitytoteachcompassion. Iaskedmykidshowtheyfelt.Onebyone, they toldme. Iaskedeach to remember thatexact feeling if theyever thoughtofstealingsomethingfromsomeoneelse,andtoletthosefeelingsshapetheirchoice.Insteadofbeingupsetabout theeightdollarswastedfromayoungfamily’s tightbudget, Iwasactuallygratefultothatboyforthelessonthathehadprovided.

I think a lot about compassion when I teach yoga. I tell students who arestudyingtobeteachers,“Don’tbeayogateacherunlessyouarewillingtocreatepain.” Inotherwords, Iaskpeople to trychallenging things.Even in themostgentleof classes, I call uponmy students tobewilling tomove intophysical,emotional, andmental spaces thatmay be uncomfortable.Yetmy intention islove.Ilearnedalongtimeagothatgrowthissometimespainful.Isummarizeitfor my students this way: “Good things are sometimes difficult, but not alldifficultthingsaregood.”IfIrespectmystudents,Imustbewillingtoaskthemto experience the painful as well as the pleasurable, so that they can becomericher,morewhole,andmore lovinghumanbeings.There is,ofcourse,avast

differencebetweenencouragingmystudenttogrowatherownrateandsimplyusingthepowerofmypersonalityormyauthorityintheclassroomtocoerceherintodoingsomethingthatshedoesnotwanttodo.ThestudentandImustbothpractice compassion—toward ourselves and toward each other. When we actfromtheheartofcompassion,wealwaysknowwhattodo.

CompassionPractice

To increase your ability to extend compassion to others, begin by allowingcompassion for yourself to grow.At aworkshop on leadership that I recentlyattended, a fellow participant said, “Plant a potato, get a potato.” Borrowingfromhissageadvice,Isay,“Plantcompassion,getcompassion.”

FindaquiettimeandplacetorelaxandliecomfortablyonthefloorinBasicRelaxationPose(Shavasana).Placeasmallpilloworothersupportunderyourheadandalargeroneunderyourknees.Closeyoureyesandrelax.Spendafewmoments breathing slowly and easily. When you are ready, recall a pastexperience inwhichyouwish that youhad acted differently or inwhichyouractionswerenotfreelychosen.

As you recall your experience, first pay attention to your bodily sensations.Whatdoyounotice?Perhapsyoufeelatightnessinyourthroat,oraheavinessinyourbelly,orarestrictioninyourbreathing.Whateveryoufeel,bepresent,withkindness.

Next,imaginingthatyourexperienceisonavideo-cassette,rewindandrerunit from the beginning. This time, see yourself through the perspective of timeandcompassion.Acknowledgethatthechoicesyoumadewerethebestthatyoucould do at that time. Allow your actions to be understood from your newperspective.Thenslowlybegintobringyourconcentrationtothehereandnow.Breathequietly for a fewminutes.Slowly roll over ontoyour side, openyoureyes,anduseyourarmstohelpyougetup.

Usethisexerciseatleastonceaweektoreestablishyourconnectionwithyourowncompassionatenature.Asthisconnectionisstrengthened,yourcompassion

forotherswillgrow.And,asPatanjalipromises,youwillbepurified.


•Thenexttimesomeoneasksyouforhelpthatispossibleforyoutogive,lendahand—justbecauseyouwereasked.

• Speak about compassion with someone whom you experience ascompassionate.Usethatpersonasyourmodelfordevelopingcompassion.

•DesignateonedayamonthasCompassionDay.Ifyouarelikemanyofus,youhaveastrictinternaljudgeandjury,andcouldeasilylistofftheinstances when you were not compassionate. Instead, strengthen yourcompassionmusclebyfocusingonthepositive.Writedownallthewaysinwhichyouwerecompassionate.Pickatleastoneway,andrepeatitthenextday.

•Beforeyougointoyournextmeeting,toyournextfamilyparty,ortoyournextdinnerwithfriends,declareyourintentiontoyourself,Ihavecompassionformyselfandforothers.Seewhathappens.

•Ifyouareable,dosomevolunteerworkwithinyourcommunity.•Rememberthatthecompassionyouhaveforyourselfisthegreatest

gift you can give to others. Notice how often during the day you judgeyourself.Whena judgmental thought arises, consciously replace itwith acompassionate thought. Some suggestions are, I am deserving ofcompassiontoday,orIamdoingthebestIcanrightnow.


•Ihavecompassionformyself.Ihavecompassionforothers.•WhenIactfromtheheartofcompassion,Ialwaysknowwhattodo.•Plantcompassion,getcompassion.•Compassioncomesfromclarityandcreatesclarity.

9

Control

tat-parampurusha-khyater-guna-vaitrishnyam

The superior form of this dispassion is the non-thirsting for the primary-constituentsofNaturewhichresultsfromthevisionoftheSelf.

—YogaSutra1:16

“Lifeonlydemandsthestrengthyoupossess.Onlyonefeat ispossible—nottohaverunaway,”writesDagHammarskjöld.1Sadly,wesometimesturnawayfromourstrengthsinanumberofdirectandindirectways,includingthosetimeswhenwetrytocontrolallthatiswithinourpurview.Althoughitmayseemthatourattempttocontrolengagesuswithlife,infactitblocksusfromconnectingwithothers—orwithourselves.

In book one, verse sixteen, of theYoga Sutra, Patanjali advises, tat-parampurusha-khyater-guna-vaitrishnyam,or“Thesuperiorformofthisdispassionisthenon-thirsting for theprimary-constituentsofNaturewhich results from thevision of the Self.”2 In short, he counsels us to give up our attachment tocontrolling what we see around us. I realize that any discussion of controlsmacks of some NewAge double-speak. Regardless, a paradox prevails: Themorewe try to control ourworld, the less controlwe have.Themorewe are

willingtoletgoofcontrolandsimplystaypresentwithwhatis,themorecontrolwehave.

Some interesting facts underscore how illusory it is to think thatwe are incontrol of verymuch.For example, the sun and planets aremoving at 41,000m.p.h.inanouterspiralarmofourgalaxy,theMilkyWay.Thisgalaxycontainsonehundredbillionstarsandmeasuresonehundred thousand lightyears fromsidetoside.TheEarthgoesaroundthecenterofthegalaxyeverytwohundredmillionyears.Finally,ourgalaxyisonlyoneofmillionsofbillionsofgalaxies.Theonlyreasonableresponsetosuchhumblinginformationistorealizethatallofthishappenedandcontinuestohappennotbecauseofusbutinspiteofus.

Control is our attempt to keep at arm’s length our feelings of being out ofcontrol.Itspringsfromthefearthatunhappinessanddeathwilloverwhelmus.Itiscertainthatbothwillfindusatsometime,insomeplace.Whatwegetfromtrying to control everything—by behaving in a demanding or manipulativemanner—are lives that are even more difficult. Trying to control things isseldom a satisfying experience and does not give uswhatwe trulywant: ourlivesinbalance.

Suzuki Roshi, founder of the San Francisco Zen Center and author of ZenMind, Beginner’s Mind: Informal Talks on Zen Meditation and Practice, isquoted in Les Kaye’s Zen at Work: A Zen Teacher’s 30-Year Journey inCorporateAmerica,with thefollowingresponsetoaquestionabout teenagers:“Theirbehavior isbeyondyourcontrol.”3Hiswordsstoppedme inmytracks.Asamotherofthreeteenagers,IrealizedthatIcouldnolongerphysicallymakemyalmost-grown-upchildrendowhat Iwanted. If Iwanted to influence theirbehavior, it had to be through my own. The only real control I had was thechoice of my own words and actions, including being clear about myexpectations and needs. For example, if my thirteen-year-old wanted to gosomewhere that I felt was inappropriate, such as to a rock concert until 2:00A.M.,Icouldreallycontrolonlymyresponsetotherequest.Somepossibilitiesinclude the following: I could refuse todrive, refuse topay for the ticket, andstate theconsequencesofwhatwouldhappen ifhewentwithoutmyapproval.But therewas reallynoway that Icouldpreventhimfromgoingunless Iwasready to chain him to his bed or stand by with an armed guard. These

alternatives must sound ludicrous, but they drive home the point: we cannotcontrol thebehaviorofothers.And,more important,anyattempt todosowillbackfire.

International peacemaker Marshall B. Rosenberg, author of NonviolentCommunication:ALanguageofCompassion, and founder anddirectorofTheCenter forNonviolentCommunication,makes this point in a slightly differentway.InaworkshopIattended,heexplainedthatwhathehadlearnedfromhischildrenwasthathecouldn’tmakethemdoanything.4Andifbysomemiraclehedid,theywouldmakehimwishthathehadn’t.Dr.Rosenbergexplainedthatif you coerce your child into doing something, you will pay a price. Forexample, even if you could exert enough control to make him take out thegarbage, he would make you pay for getting your way. How often have weexerted some form ofwhatwe thoughtwas control over our children only tohave them pay us back bywithdrawing, being angry, or forgetting somethingimportanttous?Ifwetrytocontrolthebehaviorofothers,wemaygetwhatwewantbutwewon’tenjoyit.Ifwehavethethoughtthatwearemakingsomeonedo what we want without eliciting their true cooperation, that control is thegreatestofillusions.

I have observed my yoga students attempting to control their bodies byforcing themselves intoyogaposes. Ihavecertainlydone thismyselfonmorethanoneoccasion—andevenattainedtheposebythismethod.Buttheposewasneverparticularlysweetorsatisfying.It tookmemanyyearstorealizethatthepracticeofyogahastodowithlettinggoofcontrolmuchmorethangainingit.Aperfectexampleiswhathappensinaforwardbendingpose.Whenpracticing,it is difficult, if not impossible, to force a forward bending pose. And whenforced,injuryalmostcertainlyresults.Theposeistrulyaccomplishedonlywhenthe hamstring muscles, located in the backs of the thighs, let go, so that thepelviscantipforwardandthetorsocanmovetowardthelegs.Pullingyourselfforward only creates the opposite result. To bend forward safely,wait for themusclestorespondandtoaccommodatetowhatisbeingaskedofthem.

WhenIfirstbecameavegetarian,itwasmuchlesspopularthanitistoday.Isubscribed to a healthmagazine to learnmore about this newway of eating.

After a year or so, I realized that the magazine was really advocating that Icontrolmyhealthratherthanenjoyit.TheeditorialthrustofthearticlesseemedtobethatIcouldbehappyifIjustdeterminedtherightcombinationofvitaminsand minerals for my body. The unspoken promise was that I would have aperfectlife.AsyouwillrecallfromChapterEight,“Compassion,”Icertainlydidnot need to reinforce this thought! So I stopped reading the magazine soassiduouslyandbegantotrustthatmybodywouldleadmetowardhealth.

Butwheredoeslettinggoofcontrolendandtakingresponsibilityformylifebegin?Wemustunderstand(andaccept)what it isexactly thatwecancontrolandwhatwecannotcontrol.Inthefinalanalysis,wecancontrolonlyourselves.Butweareoftendismayedat our inability tomaster even this.Whatpreventsus?Whenwefeeloutofcontrol, it isusuallywhenthere isaconflictbetweenwhatwethinkandwhatwefeel.Ourfeelingsmayscreamonethingwhileourmindsdemand somethingelse.Butourbodies,whichare the storageunits forourfeelings,simplycannotlie.Whateverwefeelinourbodiesisourtruth.Forexample,theresistancethatwefeelinayogaposeisnottheproblem.Itmaybeexactlywhatweneed,andcertainlygivesustheopportunitytoletgoofcontrol.Workingwithinthelimitsoftheresistancemeansthatweletgointoexactlyhowthebodyisinthismoment.Wemustbewillingtodotheposeasitistoday,nothowwethinkitshouldbe.Wemaynotlikeit,butitisthebedrocktruthforusinthatmoment.Refusingtoacknowledgethiswillcreateconflict.

Thinkaboutsomeoneyouknowwhomyouconsidertobea“controlfreak.”Ithinkthatitissafetosaythatthisdescribessomeonewhodesperatelywantstocontrol others and the world around her because she feels completely out ofcontrol.This type of personmay appear to be tightlywound and have a rigidquality to her body andmovements.Her sense of being out of control comesfromunacknowledgedandpowerfulfeelingssentfromthebodytoknockonthedoor of her consciousness. The great paradox about control is that when weacknowledgeandactuallyletourselvesfeelthosepushed-downfeelings,changebeginstohappen.

Letmedescribethisprocessofchange.Whenweacknowledgeandbefriendpowerful feelings, these previously hidden demons have less power over us.Whatresultsisspaceforinnerquiet.Fromthequietness,wecanmakehealthier

choices about our actions. From choice comes freedom. From freedom comeswholeness.Andwholeness is thestateofyoga that Ispokeof inChapterOne,“SpiritualSeeking.”

The real hope that we have of positively affecting our lives and ourrelationships is the process of working with the blocks that prevent us frombeing in theflowof thisverymoment.Whenwedo,amagical thinghappens.We live in the center of the greatest strength of all: the love that holds theUniversetogetherandthatfillsourhearts.

ControlPractice

Try this practice regularly with someone who is close to you. During atwenty-four-hourperiod,allowtheotherpersontotakethelead.Ifhewantstheradiooninthecar,donotobject.Ifhewantstheradiooff,donotobject.Lethimdeterminethetemperature,whatmovieyougoto,orwhatyouhavefordinner.

I am not suggesting that you give up your good sense or preferences, butrather that you give up your attempt to control all the details of your life,particularlythethingsthatdonotreallymatter.Ihavetriedthispractice,andithas been both irritating and enlightening. Learning to give up the attempt tocontrolallthesmallaspectsoflifewillpointoutclearlyhowmuchyouholdontotheneedtobeincharge.Goodluck.


•Trythisexperiment.Findaquiettimeandplace.InSeatedMountainPose(Tadasana,variation)orinBasicRelaxationPose(Shavasana),sitorlie comfortably,with the spine long and the chest open.Close your eyesandbringyourattentiontoyourbreath.Focusontheeasyandnaturalflowof inhalation and exhalation and the pauses in between the two. You’llprobablyfindthatassoonasyoubegintopayattentiontoyourbreath,youwill begin to change it. This is the ego in action.Do not pull the breathtoward you or push the ego away. Rest somewhere in between, justfollowingthemovementsofthebreath.Practicethisexercisewheneveryouthinkthatyouneedtocontroleverythingandeveryonearoundyou.Itisareminder,onethatisbotheye-openingandhumbling.

•Admittoyourselfwhenyouhavemadeamistake.Ifyoucan,admitittotheotherpersonwhomyouhavewrongedthroughthismistake.

•Doyoualwaysstand in thesameplace inyour regularyogaclass?Without compromising your ability to see and hear the teacher and learnfromyourfellowstudents,pickadifferentspot.Noticeifthisgivesyouanew perspective on practice, on your interactionswith the teacher, or onwhatyouexpectfromthepractice.

•Doyoufindthatyouoftenspeakinwaysthatcontrolsituationswithafriend,yourchildren,yourspouse,aparent,oracolleague?Whatwouldhappenifyoudidnot?Giveitatry.Tobegin,pickapersonandarelativelylowkeysituationand,forabriefperiodoftime,seeifyoucanfindwaystospeak that meets the other person and the situation in which you findyourself. For example, if you ask a lot of questions as away to control,don’t. If you tend to gossip to avoid real intimacy, don’t. Notice yourcomfortlevelwithyourselfandwiththeotherperson.

• Do you teach yoga? If so, consider how you interact with yourstudents.Areyoucontrollingtheirpracticebyintimidatingthemwithyourauthority?Doyouconsiderastudent’spracticeareflectionofyourworthasa teacher?Are you allowing each student tomature in his own practice,including developing a yoga that is truly his own?How do you respond

whenastudentdoesnotwanttocomeoutofapose?Ordoesnotwanttopractice a pose? What feelings arise in you? Perhaps you are moreconcerned with controlling the class than with teaching it. Are they thesamethingforyou?

• Ifyou teachyoga,bewilling tobea student, too.Canyoube inayogaclassandnotbeincharge?Noticeyourjudgments,especiallyifthingsaretaughtinastyleorrhythmthatarenotyours.Canyouacceptfeedbackfromanotherteacher?

•Thenexttimeyougoonanoutingwithfamilyorfriends,donotbeabackseatdriver.Assuming thatyoursafety isnotat risk,donotcommentonthedriver’sroute,speed,orstyleofdriving.Trybeingaguest.


•Theonly realcontrol Ihave is thechoiceofmyown thoughts,myownwords,andmyownactions.

•Controlisthegreatestillusion.•WhatcanIletgoofrightnow?•IcanchoosehowIreact.Idonothavetoreactrightnow.

10

Fear

drishtvemamsva-janamkrishnayuyutsumsamupasthitam

sidantimamagatranimukhamcaparishushyativepathushcashariremeromaharshashcajayate

gandivamsramsatehastattvakcaivaparidahyate

nacashaknomyavasthatumbhramativacamemanah

OKrishna,seeingthesemyownpeoplestandingbeforemeeagertofight,

mylimbsfail,mymouthisparched,tremblinglaysholduponmybody,andmyhairiscausedtobristlewithalarm.

Mybowslipsfrommyhand,andalsomyskiniscompletelyafire;

Iamalsonotabletostand,andmymindseemstoreel.—BhagavadGita1:28-30

Although you may never actually have to fight for your life as Arjunadescribes in theBhagavadGita,weallexperiencesomemeasureof feareveryday.Andwehaveall felt varyingdegreesof thebodilymanifestationsof fearthathedetailsinbookone,versestwenty-eighttothirty:drishtvemamsva-janamkrishna yuyutsum samupasthitam sidanti mama gatrani mukham caparishushyati vepathush ca sharire me romaharshash ca jayate gandivamsramsatehastattvakcaivaparidahyatenacashaknomyavasthatumbhramativacamemanah,or“OKrishna,seeingthesemyownpeoplestandingbeforemeeagertofight,mylimbsfail,mymouthisparched,tremblinglaysholduponmybody,andmyhairiscausedtobristlewithalarm.Mybowslipsfrommyhand,andalsomyskiniscompletelyafire;Iamalsonotabletostand,andmymindseemstoreel.”1

Mostoften,thefearthatyouexperienceisofshortduration,forexample,thesuddenjoltthatyoufeelwhenacarpullstooclosetoyouonthefreeway.Thenthere is the longer-lasting fear, such as when you think about your daughterdriving by herself for the first time for that short trip to the store and back.Sometimesfearsaresodeepandsopersistentthattheyareexpressedasanxietyor even panic. According to KathyWeston, R.N., a nurse practitioner in theBehavioral Medicine Department at Kaiser Hospital, in Oakland, California,panic attacks or deep anxiety may be covering up other life issues, such asalcoholism,abadmarriageorjob,familyoforiginproblems,oroldtraumas.2Inotherwords,theexperienceofpanicthatisattributedtoaspecificstimulus,suchaspublicspeakingorflyingonanairplane,isnottheactualfear.Deepfearsoflosshavebeentransferredintofearofsomeotherobjectorsituation.

Patanjali describes the most pervasive and long-lasting fear as the fear ofdeath. It is present in all people, even thewise.He calls itabhinivesha in theYoga Sutra, book two, verses nine and ten: sva-rasa-vahi vidusho’pi tatha-rudho’bhiniveshah / te pratiprasava-heyah sukshmah, or “The will to live,

flowingalongby itsownmomentum, is rooted thuseven in thesages. /Thesecausesofaffliction, in their subtle form,are tobeovercomeby theprocessofinvolution.”3

It is my experience that I feel only two basic emotions: fear and love.However, there are many aspects to each. Take greed, for example. Greedsprings from the fear that there isn’t enough of whatever you need. Anotheraspectoffearisanger,whichisactuallyanattempttodefendagainstaharmthatyouperceive iscoming.Oneof themost interesting thingsabout fear is that itexists in relationship to the future. Consider this scenario. You are alone athome.Youhear anunusual soundcoming from the areanear abackwindow.Youreactwith fear:whatwillhappen ifan intruderbreaks intomyhouse?Atanother time, you think about the death of a lovedone.You feel afraid.Eventhoughitisagiventhatshewilldiesomeday,ithasnothappenedyet—exceptinyourimagination.

Itismyexperiencethatwhenthereisactualdangerpresent,Iamnotafraid.OnceIwaslearninghowtodriveasmallmotorcyclethatIwashopingtouseastransportationtograduateschool.Itwasanoldmodel,andIwasjustgettingupsome speed on my first outing when the throttle stuck. I could not stop themotorcycle.Iwasgoingtorunintoawall.Iinventoriedthepossiblesolutions,quicklyarrivingattheonlyonethatmadesenseatthetime.Ijumped.Luckily,Iwasleftonlywithsomecolorfulbruises.

IlearnedthatIwouldwalktograduateschoolafterall,andlearnedthatIwasfearlessduringthemomentswhenIwasactuallyfacingdanger.AsIdiscovered,when you are truly present in the moment, even when that moment is life-threatening,youarenotafraid.IntheversefromtheBhagavadGita,Arjunaisafraidthathemaybecalledupontoactandnotofwhatishappeningtohiminthemoment. If you are involved in actually fighting for your life, there is notime tobeafraid.Thesympatheticnervoussystem ismobilizingyou to runorattack,andyourbodily functionsareworkingfullblast.Forexample, theeyesopenwidertoseethedangerbetter,bloodisshuntedtothemusclessothatyoucan use them in the fight, and the mind becomes completely focused on theimmediateneedathand.Yournervoussystemisnotdistractedbythinkingintheabstractaboutwhatmayhappen.Rather,itisdealingwithwhatishappening.It

is onlywhenyou think aboutwhatmay happenorwhatcould have happenedthatyoufeelafraid.

Isitpossibletolivewithoutfear?Idoubtitanditmaynotevenbedesirable.Fear is useful: itwarns us of potential danger and has served the human racewellasaself-preservationdevice.Inthispostmodernera,mostofourfearsarenotaboutbeingattackedbywildanimalsinthewoods.Instead,wefearillness,loneliness,andpoverty.These,andotherfears,eithercanrunourlivesorcanbeviewedaspartofourhumancondition.Wecanchoosetoobserveourfearsonadailybasisandcontinuallybringourawarenessbacktowhatishappeninginthepresentmomentsothatwecanlivemorecompletely.

FearPractice

Ms. Weston’s advice is that a panic attack will last no more than twentyminutes, and that the most powerful thing we can do is to practice deepbreathing and relaxation.4 These will shift the reactions of the sympatheticnervous system to theparasympatheticnervous system.Whenactivatedby thestimulus of a tiger or a thought about a tiger, the sympathetic nervous systemcausesustobecomevigilantandpreparedtofightorrun.Theparasympatheticnervoussystemdoestheopposite.Itsjobistocreateanenvironmentinthebodythatisconcernedwithgrowth,repair,digestion,andreproduction—allprocessesthatrequiretheluxuryoftime.

Whetheryousufferfrompanicattacksorarefeelingnervousaboutaspeechthatyouwillgivetoyourcolleagues,trythisvariationofBasicRelaxationPose(Shavasana).Gathertogethertwoblankets,acloththesizeofafacetowel,andapillow.Findaquietplaceandsitdownonthefloor,preferablyacarpetedone.Fold one blanket into a large rectangle and then roll it. Place the blanket rollunder your knees, and cover your feet and legswith the other blanket.Usingyourelbowsforsupport,slowlylieback.Putthepillowunderyourhead.Bringtheblanketuptocoveryourtorso,andplacetheclothoveryoureyes.Finally,tuckyourarmsundertheblanket,palmsup.

Feelyour torsoandarmsbeingsupportedby the floorandyour legs restingcompletelyontheblanketroll.Takeseverallong,slowbreaths.Allyouhavetodorightnowistobewhereyouare,doingwhatyouaredoing.Youdonothavetosolveanyproblemsormeetanydemands.Releaseevenmoreintothesupportof thefloorandblanketroll,withyourlimbsheavy,yourbreathslowing,yourjawbecomingslack.Lieinthispositionforfivetofifteenminutes.

ComeoutofBasicRelaxationPosebyslowlybendingonekneetowardyourchestandrollingtolieononeside.Takeacoupleofbreathsbeforeyouuseyourarms to help you come to a sitting position. As you gradually stand up, tellyourself that thisfeelingofrelaxationisalwaysavailable toyouwhereveryouare.Smile.


• If you are in a situation in which you cannot practice BasicRelaxationPose,trythisexercise.Whenyoubecomeawareofbeingafraidoranxious,bringyourattentiontothoseplacesinyourbodywhereyoufeelsensations.Formanyofus,thismaybeinthethroat,thediaphragm,orthestomach.Breatheeasily, feelingwhatariseswithout judgmentoranalysis.Asyoucontinuetobreathe,sayoutloudtoyourselforatrustedfriend,“Iamfeelingafraid.”Yourwillingnesstoadmitthatyouareafraidcangreatlylessenfear’sgriponyou.

•This useful exercisewas suggested tomewhen Iwas growingup.When I fear something, such as giving a speech, calling someone aboutwhether I got a job, or hearing the news a doctor might have about amedical test, I acknowledgemy fearbefore theevent.Then I askmyself,Whatistheworstthatcanhappen?Myanswerwithregardtothespeechisthat Iwouldmakea foolofmyselfby forgettingmyspeechornotbeingabletotalk.ThenIaskmyself,Andthenwhatwouldhappen?Inthecaseofgivingaspeech, Iwouldsimply leave thepodium,embarrassedbutalive.Andthenwhatwouldhappen?AfterIleftthepodium,mylifewouldgoon.Each time I ask,And thenwhatwouldhappen?, itbecomesapparent thatverysoonnothingwouldbehappening.Thistechniquehashelpedmekeepmanyofmyfearsinperspective.ImaystillfeargivingthespeechbutthatfearnolongercontrolsmecompletelybecauseIhaveacknowledgedit,feltit,and,inmymind,livedthroughmyworstfear.


•Andthenwhatwouldhappen?•Righthere,rightnow.•Iamsafe.•IchoosethelifethatIhaverightnow.•Iamwillingtoactinthefaceoffear.•Icandothis.

11

Patience

nirvicara-vaisharadye’adhyatma-prasadah

Onattainingtheutmostpurityofthenirvicarastageofsamadhi,thereisthedawningofthespirituallight.

—YogaSutra1:47

PatienceisnotmentionedassuchbyPatanjaliintheYogaSutra.Theclosesthe comes is in book one, verse forty-seven:mirvicara-vaisharadye’adhyatma-prasadah,1or“Onattainingtheutmostpurityofthenirvicarastageofsamadhi,thereisthedawningofthespirituallight.”2Adhyatma-prasadamean“calmness,or clarity, of the inner being.”3 Patanjali also mentions upeksha, or“equanimity,” in book one, verse thirty-three: maitri-karuna-mudita-upekshanam sukha-duhkha-punya-apunya-vishayanam bhavanatash-citta-prasadanam, or “The projection of friendliness, compassion, gladness, andequanimity towards objects—be they joyful, sorrowful, meritorious, ordemeritorious—bring about the pacification of consciousness.”4 To me, threeSanskritwords quoted—adhyatma, prasada, andupeksha—convey the feelingofpatience.Patanjaliteachesthatwhenyouenterthestageofperfectwholeness,thereisacalmnessandaclarity thatreflectperfectpresence.Manyofushaveexperienced brief snatches of this state. It is that timewhenwe feel perfectlycontent with whatever is because we feel perfectly connected to whatever is,

whetherthingsaregoingthewaywewantthemorthingshavefallenapart.

OneofthemostconsistentresponsesIhavetocircumstancesthatIdonotlikeis impatience. I direct this primarily toward myself and sometimes towardfamily,friends,andevenstrangers.Thispatternmustbeobvioustothosearoundme, because all ofmy life I have been admonished, “Be patient.” In the past,eventhoughItried,itdidnotwork.AllIwasdoingwashidingmyimpatiencetobesociallyacceptable.

When I thought aboutmy impatience, I attributed it tomy nature or to theslowness of others. My day of reckoning came while waiting my turn in anairline office in India. I noticed a Western woman who was demanding thatsomethingbedone“rightnow.”IhadbeeninIndiaforseveralweeks,andwasrunning on “Indian time” rather than my usual warp speed. I found myselfwatchingthisscenariowithamusementuntilIrealizedthatthejokewasonme:Ihaddonethesamethingsomanytimes.SometimesIhadletitshow;othertimesIhadstewedinside.

Right then and there, I decided to pay attention tomy impatience.Mygoalwas twofold. First, I was determined to get rid of my impatience. Second, Iwanted to become themost patient person in theworld.Notice thatmy goodintentionswerefraughtwithimpatience!Evenso,duringthenextfewweeks,Ihad a startling realization: There is really no such thing as patience. Let meexplain.

I began my patience practice by focusing on those feelings, or bodilysensations, that I experiencedwhenever I was impatient. Throughout the nextseveralweeks,itseemedthatwheneverIfeltthem,Iwasalsooutofsyncwithwhatwashappening.Doyouknowthephrase,“Gowiththeflow”?Well,Iwasdoing anything but flowing. I realized that the antidote to impatience wasallowingmyselftoreentertheflowofthings,thatis,tobeinsyncwiththespeedwithwhichthingswerehappening.WhenIdidthis,Ididnothavethefeelings,orbodilysensations,thatIhadbeenlabelingimpatience.ReentrybeganwhenIrecognizedmyfeelingsofimpatience,andcontinuedasIkeptmyfocusonthefeelingsofimpatienceinsteadofonmythoughtsaboutthosefeelings.

Next,Ipracticednoticingmyimpatientthoughtsforseveralmonths.WhenIcaught them, they were partnered with another thought: I am wasting time.Buriedwithin this thoughtwas fear,which Iwill discuss later.What is reallywasted?Nothing.All givesme the opportunity to live in the presentmoment.WhenIdo,Iampatient.Thisrealizationsupportseventhemostmundaneeventsofmy daily life. I canwait in lines, sit in traffic jams, and understandwhensomeone is late for an appointment. All of these times—waiting, sitting, andunderstanding—are valuable. I can choose not to experience them as wastedtimebychoosingtobepresentandactuallylivethesepreciousmoments.Afterall, to reject them is to reject life itself.The challenge comes in rememberingthatIcanchooseandthatthischoiceisthemostprofoundoffreedoms.

Carrying on with my practice, I discovered yet another layer of thoughts.Beneathmy“time-wasting”thoughtswasthemoststartlingrealizationofall:Iwas afraid. You see, my self-worth was tied to howmuch I accomplished. IthoughtthatifIcouldspeedupthingsaroundme,thenIcouldgetmoredone.IfI did that, then I would be more valued, therefore more loved, and thereforehappier.Thisunconsciousfearwassopowerfulthatithadbeenrunningmylifeand affecting my relationships with my family because I would becomedemandingandpushy.

Ifeltsaddenedandyetsomehowliberatedbytheserevelations.AtlastIhadsomeinsightintothecausesofmyimpatience.IknowIcanusethepowerofmyown thoughts tomake better choiceswhen I feel impatience creeping in. I nolongerwish to get rid of impatience, but to pay attention to the thoughts andfeelingsthatunderlieit.WheneverIcan,IchoosethoughtsoflettinggosothatIcaneaseback into themoment. I findaphrasefromTheTenSecondMiracle:Creating Relationship Breakthroughs, by Gay Hendricks, to be a helpfulreminder: “to be in an easeful flow of love and connection in our lives.”5SometimesIevensaypartofitoutloudtohelpmyselfchoosewhatIreallywantinmylife.IdoubtthatIwilleverbeabletolivewithoutfeelingimpatient.ButnowIammoreabletochoosetorespondinadifferentway.Itmayseemlikeasmallstep,butformeitisprofound.

PatiencePractice

You can use your yoga practice as a way to explore your relationship topatience. For example, pick a seated yoga pose, such as Lotus Pose(Padmasana), Sage Pose (Siddhasana), or Seated Mountain Pose (Tadasana,variation)thatyoucanholdfortwotothreeminutes.YoucanpracticethisposealoneorafterBasicRelaxationPose(Shavasana)attheendofyourregularyogaroutine.Onceyouarecomfortableandsettled,bringyourattentiontowhereyoufeel the breath in your body. From that place, follow the movement of eachinhalationandeachexhalation.Noticewhatarises.Areyoubored?Waitingforthe time topass?Drifting to thoughtsof thepastor the future?Canyoubringyourselfback, timeandagain, to themovementof thebreath?Notice, too, themorepleasantexperiences, suchascalmness,clarity,andequanimity.Whetherpleasantorunpleasant,canyoucontainyourexperiences?

Doesthefocusofthebreathmove?Areyoumorecomfortablewithitinoneplacethananother?Doesthebreathhavetexture?Isitsmoothorrough?Dryormoist?Sloworfast?Canyoufeelthebreathinboththefrontbodyandthebackbody?Canyourest in thepresentmoment,even if it is just forone inhalationandoneexhalationofbreath?

Graduallyincreasethetimethatyouholdtheposeuntilyoureachtenminutes.What happens to your bodily and mental comfort level? Does your internalalarmclockgooff at the timeyouused to endpractice?Doyouwant to staylonger?Juststaywithwhateverarises. (Practicenote:Youshouldnot feelanynumbnessortinglinginthearmsorlegs.Ifyoudo,comeoutofthepose.Nexttime,propyourselfdifferently,andstayforashortertime.)

Toconcludepractice, openyour eyes, stretchyour armsand legs, andwalkslowlyaroundtheroombeforeresumingyournormalactivities.


•Justforfun,choosethelongestlineatthebankorthegrocerystore.Breathe slowly and pay attention to your bodily sensations. Yourwillingnesstofocusonyourimpatiencewilleventuallyreconnectyouwiththerealitythateverythingismovingattheproperspeed.

•Takeawalk.Ifthewalkingsurfaceisappropriate,youcaneventakeoff your shoes and socks. Find your own pace, neither pushing to getsomewhere nor pulling back. Feel the surface beneath your feet, the airaroundyou, andyourbodily sensations.Youmight find thatyournaturalpaceisalotslowerthanyouhadthought.Noticeyourcomfortlevelwhenyoufindthatpace.Mostofall,enjoyyourwalk!

•Thenexttimethatyourspouse,child,orfriendisupset,listentoherwithyour full attention.Donotmake any commentsor offer any advice.Let her know in advance that you will be practicing compassionatelistening.Stayfocusedonherforaslongasittakes.

• If your spouse, child, or friendwants to explain something that isimportant tohim,butnotnecessarily interesting toyou, listenattentively.Consciouslyrelaxyourbodyandbreatheslowly.

•Whenyoufeelyourselfbecomingimpatient,rememberthatwhateverthepresentsituation,itwillchange.Thetrafficjamwillclear,yourteenagerwillmature, yourmessyhouse eventuallywill be cleaned.Even themostdifficultoflife’ssituationswillnotremainthesame.Ifyoucanrememberthis, you will be more likely to recognize solutions when they presentthemselves.


•Everythingismovingattheproperspeed.•Choiceisthemostprofoundfreedom.•Itwon’talwaysbelikethis.•Thereisalwaysenoughtimeinnature.•Istheproblemthesituation,orisitmyreactiontothesituation?

12

AttachmentanAversion

sukha-anushayiragahduhkha-anushayidveshah

Attachmentisthatwhichrestsonpleasantexperiences.Aversionisthatwhichrestsonsorrowfulexperiences.

—YogaSutra2:7-8

Onemorning,asIwassippingmyhotdrinkandreadingthepaper,aCalvinandHobbescartooncaughtmyattention.Calvinisarambunctioussix-year-old,andHobbesishistiger.Heisastuffedtiger,buttoCalvinandthereader,heisreal.Inthisparticularstrip,HobbescomesuponCalvinsittinginserenerepose.Calvin tellsHobbes thathehasdiscovered themeaningof life,explaining thateveryonewasputonEarthtodoexactlywhathe,Calvin,wants,andwhentheydiscoverthat,theywillbehappyandwillhavemeaningintheirlives,too.1Icutout the cartoon and posted it on our family communications center, therefrigerator.

For something to be funny, it has to have an element of truth: lies are notfunny.SowhenIfindmyselflaughing,Itrytofigureoutwhat’strueforme.Iresonatewith Calvin because I, too, secretly yearn for everyone to dowhat I

want!Ithinkthatweallfeelthisway.Here’sanexample.Youaregoingtothebank.Inyourmind, thisshouldoccurbyyourcarstartingeasilyandall trafficmoving out of yourway.There should be a parking place right in front,withtimeonthemeter.Further,youshouldbeabletogointothebankandconductyour businesswith nowaiting.The teller should be polite, accurate, and evenknow your name. These improbable expectations are somehow lodged in thebackofyourmindsothatwhenrealityintrudes,suchasthecardoesn’tstart,orthere is a lot of traffic, or there is no parking place, you become frustrated,irritated,orevenangry.Atthismoment,youarereactingtothewayyouthinksomethingshouldbeandnotthewaythingsactuallyare.

Patanjali offers two important concepts that speak directly to this point inbook two, verses seven and eight, in hisYoga Sutra: sukha-anushayi ragah /duhkha-anushayi dveshah, or “Attachment is that which rests on pleasantexperiences.Aversion is thatwhich restsonsorrowfulexperiences.”2Raga,or“attachment,” and dvesha, or “aversion,” are two of the five klesha, or“impediments,”3 that we face in becoming whole. (The other kleshas areignorance,egoism,andfearofdeath.4)Althoughattachmentandaversionseemtobeopposites,theyareactuallythesamething.

Indaily life,youareconstantlypulledbetween trying togetwhatyouwantand trying to avoid what you don’t want. Whether you are busy pullingsomething in or pushing it away, there is a relationship between you and theobjectoreventthatlimitsyourfreedom.Herearethreeexamples.First,someonewho overeats and someonewho is anorexic are both attached to food.One ispositively attached and thinks about how to get more; the other is negativelyattached and thinks about how to avoid it. Second, if you love someone, youthink about her all the time. If you hate someone, you think about her all thetime. Finally, if you have a rough spot on your tooth, your tongue is alwaysrubbingthetooth.Theroughnessisattractivetothetongueeventhoughitisnotsomething that youwant. Andwhen you get your teeth cleaned, your tonguecontinually moves over that smoothness because you find it pleasurable andwanttofeelitoverandoveragain.

Alldaylong,youreacttothingsgoingrightandthingsgoingwrong.Iusea

Mantra forDailyLiving tohelpme remember that I amgettingcaught in thisincessantpush-pull.Oneofmy favorites is actually aquestion:How should itbe? I say this tomyself and sometimesevenout loud.When Ido, I canmoreeasilyseemyattachmentoraversiontotheoutcomeofsomeevent.Inaddition,ithelpsmetorememberthatthingsarethewaytheyare,andthatIhaveachoiceaboutwhetherIwanttobeinreactiontohowtheyare.Inshort,IhaveachoiceaboutwhetherIwillbecontrolledbyattachmentandbyaversion.

Iamnotsuggestingthatyoudonothavepreferencesaboutthewaythingsgo.Havingapreferenceisnatural:vanillainsteadofchocolate,theblueshirtinsteadof the red, this college instead of that one. Attachment is the process whichoccursinthebody-mindwhenyoudonotgetyourpreference;aversionisaformofattachment.Bothcreatebodilyandemotionalreactions.Aversionmaycreatefrustration,anger,andblameofselforothers.Ifindthatfearisoftenattherootof my reactions when I am in a state of aversion. Clinging to a preference,whetheritisfromattachmentoraversion,createssuffering.Itisalsotheprecisemomentwhenyoucangrowbychoosingtorecognizeattachmentoraversionforwhatitis.

The sad thing about being caught up in attachment or aversion is that itinterferes with the ability to experience things as they are. Even when thesethingsarepainfulanddifficult,thereisanadvantagetofullyexperiencingthemas theyoccur.Whenyoudo,youareunburdened.Youdonothave tocarry itwithyouinanunfinishedstate.Thisprocessofexperiencingthedifficultynowallowsyoutobegintoheal.Learningtoliveinthemoment,completewithyourpreferencesandrecognizingattachmentandaversion,islikeasoothingbalmonasunburn.

AttachmentandAversionPractice

One day, I decided to count the number of times that I became irritated orfrustratedthroughouttheday.Idonotmeanangry,butjustirritatedatthewaythings were going. I kept track on a hand-held counter. I was shocked at thetotal:sixty-seventimesthatdayIsentmynervoussystemintoactionoverthingsofsmallconsequence.

“How should it be?,” a Mantra of Daily Living, is a powerful practice. Isuggest that you say it for the next several days (or longer) when you feelyourself caught in either attachmentor aversion. It can remindyou that thingsareas theyareand thatyouhave thefreedomtoreactornot. Ihavegraduallylearnedtovaluetheawarenessthatitbringsme.


•Afriendtoldmethatattheendofeachdayonameditationretreat,she wrote down one-or two-word phrases to describe the various mindstates she had experienced during the day. For example, clinging, joyful,angry,happy,self-indulgent,repetitious,sad,tired,bored,andsoon.Togeta look at yourmind states,write themdown at the end of the next threedays,usingattachmentandaversionasthecategoriesinwhichtoputyourdescriptions.Thepurposeisnottomakeajournalofyourexperiencesortobe judgmental,but toquicklynotewhatyouremember.At theendof thethree days, notice the repetitions,what you classify as attachment and asaversion, and what arose when you were alone as opposed to when youwereinteractingwithothers.

• Based onwhat you uncovered in the preceding exercise, pick onemindstate.Let’ssaythatyouselecttiredmind.Forthenextseveraldays,payparticular attention to thearisingand fallingawayof thatmind state.Doesitpresentitselfasattachmentorasaversion?Isitsometimesoneandthen the other? What are your bodily sensations when you are pullingsomething toward you?What are they when you are pushing somethingaway? Is tiredmind themanifestationofhavingbeendoing toomuch? Ifso,arethesethingsthatyouevenwanttodo?Istiredmindawaytonumbyourself?Doyounoticeitarisewhenyouarewithparticularpeopleor inparticularcircumstances?Most important isnot to judgeyourselfasgoodorbad,rightorwrong.Justnotice.

•Thinkaboutsomedailytaskthatyoudislike,perhapstakingoutthegarbage,makingthebed,orreturningphonecalls.Picksomethingthatyouregularlyneedtodobutregularlyavoid.Thendothistaskfaithfullyforthenext twenty-one days. Notice how or if your attitude changes. Keep itgoing.Pickanothertaskanddothesamething.

• A similar practice can work for learning about attachment. Picksomethingthatyoufeelthatyouneedtodo,andletitslide.Forexample,Ilike making my bed first thing, so that the bedroom is orderly. Now Isometimes actually do notmake the bed all day!Another example ismy

incessant need to pick up.Nowon someSundays, I leave the newspaperscatteredonthelivingroomflooralldaylong.Imustadmitthatittakesabitofrememberingtousemyattachmenttoneatnessandorderasapracticepoint.Youtryit.


•Howshoulditbe?•Thingsareastheyare,andIhaveachoiceabouthowIreacttothem.•WhatwillhappenifIdon’tgetwhatIwantrightnow?•Thisisjustathought.•Willthisbeimportantinayear?Fiveyears?

13

Suffering

heyamduhkham-anagatam

Thatwhichistobeovercomeissorrowyettocome.—YogaSutra2:16

DistinguishedphysiologistArthurC.Guyton,M.D.,reportsthatthesensationsofpleasureandpain,controlledinlargepartbythehypothalamusinthebrain,greatlyaffectourbehavior.1Thiscanhelpusunderstandwhywemakesomanyofthechoiceswedo.Understandably,weactinwaysthatwehopewillhelpusavoidpainorpunishment,andmaximizepleasureorreward.

There are many types of pain. For example, a few years ago a friend waslockedinanastycustodyfightwithherex-husbandoverherteenagedaughter.Wehadanumberoftalksaboutherpainfulpredicament.Oneday,shecametoseeme.Shewasserene:allthestresshaddrainedfromherface.Shetoldmethatshehad realized thatherdaughterwouldbe finewithherex-husbandand thatshehaddecidednottofightforcustody.

This was a great teaching for me. The lesson I learned was the differencebetweenpainandsuffering.AsIdiscussedinChapterOne,“SpiritualSeeking,”

physical,emotional,andmentalpainare inevitable in life.Suffering isanothermatter.Sufferingisthepersonalizationwebringtoourdifficulties.Forexample,weblameothersforourpain,orwefeelsorryforourselvesbecauseofthepain.My friend was in pain about her daughter, and she was suffering with thesituation.Shehadnocontrolovertheactionsofanother,butshedidhavecontroloverherownreactionsto them.Oncesheacceptedthatherdaughterwouldbefinewithherex-husband,shechosetoletgoofthepowerstrugglewithhimand,consequently,gainedstrengthandserenity.

Patanjaligivesusan importantclueaboutsuffering inhisYogaSutra,booktwo,versesixteen:heyamduhkham-anagatam,or“Thatwhichistobeovercomeissorrowyettocome.”2Here,heteachesthatwecanchoosetosufferornottosuffer. Obviously, the suffering of the past cannot be wiped out, and thesufferingofthismomentiswhatIamexperiencingnow.ButthesufferingthatexistsinthefuturecanbeavoidedbythechoicesthatImakenow.

Thisteachingbespeaksgreathope.Buthowarewetoavoidthesufferingthatis yet to come?TheYogaSutra offers advice inbook two,verse five:anitya-ashuci-duhkha-anatmasu nitya-shuci-sukha-atma-khyatir-avidya, or “Nescienceistheseeingofthatwhichiseternal,pure,joyful,andtheSelfinthatwhichisephemeral, impure, sorrowful, and the non-self.”3 In other words, we sufferbecause of the process of identifying with the pain. If we have an internaldialoguethatreinforcesthebeliefthatwearesuffering,thatwehavenochoice,thatthewholeworldisdoingittous,thenwewillremainstuckinoursuffering.Theparadoxaboutsufferingisthatnoonecanmakeussuffer.Wecanchoosetofeelleftout,incompetent,orinferior.Othersmayactinunkindways.Butthereisnowaythatwewillfeelleftout,incompetent,orinferiorunlessweparticipatein theprocess.Althoughwemayhave feelingsaboutwhat ishappening tous,whetherwesufferisuptous.Itisamatterofchoice.

Another interesting idea about suffering is that it does not come out ofnowhere.Referringtooneofthestatesofsufferinginbooktwo,versefour,ofthe Yoga Sutra, Patanjali writes, avidya kshetram uttaresham prasupta-tanu-vicchinnaudaranam,or“Nescienceisthefieldoftheothercausesofaffliction;they can be dormant, attenuated, intercepted, or aroused.”4 Here,prasupta, or

“dormant,” describes how some roots of our suffering may be in theunconscious.However,wheneventsoccurinaspecificway,thissufferingmaysuddenlymove into awareness. An example of this dormant suffering can beseen in the relationship of partners or spouses. In the beginning, everythingseems to go so well that we say that we are “in love.” After some time,difficultiesinvariablyarise,seeminglyoutofnowhere.Actually,thedifficultiesweretherefromthebeginningortheycouldnotsurface.

Initsbroadestsense,yogapracticeisaboutinvitingwhatisunconscioustothesurfacesothatitcanbeintegratedintoconsciousawareness.Anexampleofthisiswhathappenswhenyoupracticeyogaposes.Inforwardbends,itmaybecomeapparent that there is tightness in the backs of the legs. There may be acombination of causes for the tightness, including physical and emotional.Several reactions arepossible.Youcanblameyourself forbeing so tight; youcanblametheposeforbeingsohard;oryoucanblametheteacherformakingyoudothepose.Neithertheposenortheteacherarecreatingthedifficulty.Thedifficulty was there all along. The yoga pose just gives you a chance toexperienceitand,itishoped,releaseit.

Our intimate relationships are shaped by our suffering. It is the process ofunmasking this suffering that helps us to grow, to achieve true intimacywithothers,andtolivefully.AccordingtoPatanjali,thefutureisbright.Thechoicetoembraceitisours.

SufferingPractice

This practice will help you observe the differences between thinking andobsessing. Begin by finding a quiet place and time, andwrite down your tenmost frequent thoughts.Donotworry if you cannot find ten.Review them. Ifyouarelikeme,mostofthesethoughtsareobsessions.Obsessingdoesnotdealwithreality,andusuallyincreasesmysuffering.

Anexample:Myhusbandislatecominghomefromwork.Ihavetwochoices.Thefirstistoobservethatfact,anddecidewhenandifactionisnecessary.Thesecond is to obsess, spinning thought after thought to interpretwhyhe is late.Mymind could run to a thousand “what ifs,” always imagining theworst:Hewasinjured.Hehasleftme.AlthoughImighteventuallyhavetofacethepainthatsomethingdreadfulhadactuallyhappenedtohimorthathehadleftme,Idonothavetoinflictsufferinguponmyselfbyspinningmythoughts.

Thenexttimethatyourthoughtsarespinning,gentlybringyourawarenesstoabodilysensation,suchasthefeelingofthebacksofyourlegsagainstachair,the tightness in your belly, or your feet restingon the floor.What you feel inyour body is right here, right now. If you notice your mind moving back torepeatingthoughts,bringyourawarenessbacktoyourbody.Givethesensationyourundividedattention.Whenyoudo,itwillbegintochange.


•Pickoneareaofyour life, forexample,yourphysicalhealth.Foraweek,makenewchoicesinthenowthatsupportfuturehealth.Thesecouldbe eatingwhole grains, going to bed earlier, avoidingwatching the newsimmediately before bedtime, taking amorningwalk, or a combination ofchoices. At the end of the week, notice how you feel, physically andemotionally.Appreciateyourselfforyournewchoices.

• If you practice yoga poses, pick one that you can do fairly easily.Withoutharmingyourself,holdthisposefortwiceaslongasyounormallydo.Noticeyourinnerdialoguewhentheposebecomesuncomfortable.Doyoublamethepose,yourself,ormeforyoursuffering?Doyouwantout?Considerthatperhapsyoursufferingcomesfromyourattitudeandnotfromthesensationsthemselves.

• The next time that you are upset, notice your physiologicalresponses, such as increased tension in your muscles, changes in yourbreath,andtightnessinyourbelly.Howmuchtimeduringthedaydoyouspendinthisstate?Isthisthewayyouwanttospendyourlife?Choosetoletgoofsufferinginthisverymoment.


•Whoissuffering?•Icanreleaseallsufferingandliveliferightnow.•Lifemaybedifficult,butIdonotneedtosuffer.•Thisispartofit,too.

14

Impermanence

anitya-ashuci-duhkha-anatmasunitya-shuci-sukha-atma-khyatiravidya

Nescienceistheseeingofthatwhichiseternal,pure,joyfulandtheSelfinthatwhichisephemeral,impure,sorrowful,andthenon-self.

—YogaSutra2:5

Someyearsago,Ihad thechance toreturn tomychildhoodhome.Iwassoexcitedasmycar turnedonto theonce-familiarstreet thathadbeenmyworld.Initially, Iwasstartledbyhowbig the treeshadgotten.AsIwalkeddownthesidewalks,whereIhadlearnedtoskateandspenthoursplayinghopscotch,Iwasstruckbyhowsmallandclosetogethereverythingseemed.Later,reflectingonmy trip of remembrance, I realized that I had had expectations that the oldneighborhoodwouldbejustthesameaswhenIleftit.AlthoughintellectuallyIknewthatchangeisconstantandthat itaffectseveryoneandeverything,Ihadnot applied this principle to myself. In my mind, it was only other people’sneighborhoodsthatchanged:mineremainedfixed.

According to Shakyamuni Buddha, the very nature of reality isimpermanence.Everythingisinastateofflux.Patanjaliechoesthiswisdominbooktwo,versefive,ofhisYogaSutra:anitya-ashuci-duhkha-anatmasunitya-

shuci-sukha-atma-khyatir avidya, or “Nescience is the seeing of that which iseternal,pure,joyfulandtheSelfinthatwhichisephemeral,impure,sorrowful,andthenon-self.”1Hedefinesanaspectofavidya(“nescience”)asmistakingthenoneternalfortheeternal.Simplyput,whenwethinkthatwe(orthepeopleandthingsthatwelove)willremainthesame,wedonotunderstandimpermanence.

Isanythingpermanent?Wecanlooktonaturetoteachus.Considerthecycleoftheseasons:Theicesofwintergivewaytotheburstofspringbuds.Summerbrings heat and dust, followed by golden leaves and the chill of autumn.ConsiderthechangesinthestructureoftheEarth:MountainrangesarepushedupbytheEarth’schangingcrust,andislandsareformedbyvolcaniceruptions.Allissubjecttoerosionbytheelements.Quantumphysicsteachesusabouttheuncertaintyandimpermanenceoftheverystuffofwhichtheworldismade.Thedistinction between waves and particles is blurred, and each behaves like theother. They live in a cloud of possibilities. The very building blocks of ouruniverseareephemeralandnotthelastingthingsthatwemaythink.Everyday,all day, our bodies engage in impermanence with each breath. Your currentinhalationisunlikeanyotheryouhaveevertaken.Atitsfullness,itsurrenderstotheexhalation,itselfdifferentfromtheoneprecedingit.

As I described inChapter Three, “LettingGo,” one day Iwas filling out aformthataskedformypermanentaddressandwhetherIownedmyhome.ImayliveintheSanFranciscoBayAreanow,butwhereismyhomeafterIdie?Anddon’tIneedpermanentpossessionofsomethingtoownit?ItappearsthatIamrentingeverythingforthislifetime,includingmybody,myfamily,myeducationandknowledge,myexperiences,andmyATMcard.Nothingis trulymine.ToanswerthequestionIaskedintheprecedingtext,Nothingispermanentexceptimpermanence.

ShakyamuniBuddhasummarizedimpermanenceinTheFiveRemembrances.TheyarepresentedbyThichNhatHanh,aVietnameseZenBuddhistmonkandauthorofBeingPeace,inThePlumVillageChantingBook:

1.Iamofthenaturetogrowold.Thereisnowaytoescapegrowingold.

2. I am of the nature to have ill health. There is no way to escapehavingillhealth.

3.Iamofthenaturetodie.Thereisnowaytoescapedeath.4. All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to

change.Thereisnowaytoescapebeingseparatedfromthem.5. My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the

consequencesofmyactions.MyactionsarethegroundonwhichIstand.2

Atfirstglance,thiscouldbetakenasagrimlistofwhatwewilllose.Iseeitas a loving reminder of the life we have been given. As such, everything isperfect.Alongwiththingsthatsurelywillbelost,impermanencemakeswayfornewpossibilities,suchasworkingoutadifficultywithafriend,givingbirthtoachildafteryearsoftryingtoconceive,recoveringfromanillness,learningtodoayogaposethatyouthoughtoncewasbeyondyourability,andmore.

It takes a brave heart to deeply accept that everything changes. Evenwhenthings are not thewaywewant them,we still fear change.Our attachment tothings remaining the same creates suffering.Whenwe cling to the illusion ofpermanence,whatwe actually hope to secure is protection from the terrifyingunknownthatimpermanencemayrepresent.

When I asked my husband for his comments on how to observeimpermanence, he replied ruefully, “Have children.” We both laughed.Seriously, I amnot advocating having children in order to practice!However,relationships of all kinds are a perfect backdrop againstwhich to observe ourideasaboutattachmenttopermanence.

Asbabies,ourchildrenwereslowtoestablisharoutineofeatingandsleeping.Iwasseriouslyinvestedinhavingaschedule.JustwhentheywouldfinallysettleintoapatternandIcouldmakeplansformyday,theirrhythmswouldchange.Ittookmea long time to recognizemyattachment, and Idid two things tohelpmyself.First,Iacceptedthatmybabies’choiceofnaptimewasnotpredictable.Second, I created some predictability formyself by hiring a babysitter for thesametwohourseveryday.Althoughthingsaroundmecontinuedtochange,atleastIknewthatIcouldcountonthose twohours—exceptwhenthatchangedbecausethebabysittercouldnotcome!

I remember returning from teaching an out-of-state yoga workshop manyyearsago.Myhusbandandchildrenpickedmeupattheairport.Iwasshockedtoobservethatourdaughterhadactuallygrownduringtheweekend.Thentherearetheteenyears.Wemakeplanswithourkids,onlytohavethoseplanschangehalfadozentimesinoneafternoonasthey(andwe)shifttoaccommodatetheirfriends.Learningtoletgoofmyattachmenttothingsremainingthesamestrikesan even deeper chord within me as the children undergo the fascinatingmetamorphosis into adults before my eyes. Someday the child-parentrelationshipmay reverse.As I age, theymay becomemy helpers, health careadvisers,orfinancialconsultants.

When a yoga teacherwas asked about permanence inmarriage, he replied,“Doyouwantpermanenceinyourmarriage?Thenmarryadeadman.”Likeallrelationships,marriageisaworkinprogress.However,weexpectourmarriage(andotherintimaterelationships)toremainunchanged.WhenImarried,Ihadasetofexpectations,includingthatthisrelationshipwouldfulfillallmyneedsforintimacy.NowIrecognizethat,asoneoflife’svicissitudes,marriagechanges—in my case, from romantically charged lust, to deep friendship, to spiritualpartnership.

If you find yourself thinking that there must be some things that arepermanent,write themdown.Takeyour time. If you find any, pleasewrite tome! Remember impermanence when things go badly, so that youwill not beoverlyburdenedbyyour troubles.And remember it especiallywhen thingsgowell,so thatyouwillbepresentenoughtocherish thesweetmomentsofyourlife.

ImpermanencePractice

Findaplantinyourgarden,outsideyouroffice,orinanearbyparkthatyoucanvisiteachdayinthenextweek.Ifyoucannotgetout,isthereonethatyoucanseeoutyourwindow?Whatdoyounoticefromdaytoday?Aretheflowerscycling from bud to bloom?Has it lost some leaves?Or sprouted new ones?Anything else? What do you notice about your relationship with the plantthroughout?After theweek isdone,checkbackeverysooften toseehow theplantisfaring.


• Memorize The Five Remembrances. Say them to yourself eachmorningandevening.

• There are other ways in which you can work with The FiveRemembrances.For example, asyour children leave for schoolor asyoupartfromafriend,recallthefollowing:“AllthatisdeartomeandeveryoneI love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape beingseparatedfromthem.”3Ifyouarehavingadisagreementwithyourpartner,beforespeaking,trytoremember,“Myactionsaremyonlytruebelongings.Icannotescapetheconsequencesofmyactions.MyactionsarethegroundonwhichIstand.”4

•Makealistofthethingsaboutyourlifethathavechangedinthepastthreemonths.Whethertheyaremajororminor,itisimportantthatyoudonotjudgethemasgoodorbad.Justnoticewhathaschanged.Forexample,ayogaposehasbecomeeasiertodo;hairhasgrayed;youhavereadanewbookbyafavoriteauthor;oryouhavecelebratedabirthday.Keepyourlistandreviewitinthreemonths,justbeforeyoumakeanewlist.

•Makealistofthethingsaboutyourrelationshipsthathavechangedin thepast threemonths.Forexample,youhave resolvedaproblemwithyourchild;anissuewithyourspousethatyouthoughtwasresolvedthathasarisen as unfinished; you have reached a new understanding with acoworker;oryoufindthatyouarerelatingtoanoldfriendinanewway.


•Nothingispermanentexceptimpermanence.•Itwon’talwaysbelikethis.•WhenIacceptchange,Iacceptlife.•Changeisnotamistake:itisallthereis.•Iembracechangeandletgooffear.•Iputmyfaithinthepermanenceofchange.•Lettinggoofthepastrevitalizestoday.

PARTTHREE

EmbracingAllLife:YogaintheWorld

15

Greed

yehisamsparshajabhogaduhkha-yonayaevateadyantavantahkaunteyanateshuramatebudhah

Forthecontact-bornenjoymentsarewombsofsorrow,havingabeginningandanend.Inthese,OsonofKunti,thesagedoesnotdelight.

—BhagavadGita5:22

Yearsago,asituationpresenteditselftomeastheperfectopportunitytoteachmythreechildren(andmyself)aboutgreed.ItallbeganonaWednesdaynightasIwasleavingtoteachmyyogaclasses.Itoldthebaby-sitterthatafterdinnerthechildrencouldhavetheapplepiethatIhadpurchasedatthehealthfoodstoreearlier in the day.Thiswas indeed a big treat.Neithermyhusband nor I likesweetsverymuch,sowerarelyhavethemaround.WhenIreturned,thechildrenwereasleep.Thebaby-sittertoldmethattherehadbeenahugefightaboutthepie.Notonlydideachchildwantmorepie,butequally intolerable toall threewasthepossibilitythatonemightgetmorepiethananother.

Needless to say, I was dismayed. By the time the next Wednesday rolled

around,Ihadpurchasednotone,butthreeapplepies.Beforeleavingtoteach,Itold the children that after dinner each child could have his or her very ownapplepie.Istressedthat,eveniftheystartedeatingapplepieatthatmomentanddid nothing else for twenty-four hours a day for the rest of their lives, therewould still be apple pies left in the world for them to eat. I wanted them torealizethatthereisenoughtime,enoughlove,andcertainlyenoughapplepieinlife.

Thebaby-sitterlookedatmeinamazement.ItoldherthatIbelievedthatthecauseofmanyoftheworld’sillscouldbedirectlyconnectedtogreed,andthatIthought that it was crucial that children learn from an early age that there isenough of what they need. I wanted my children to be free of the fear thatcreatesgreed. (Although it is certainly true that thedistributionof theworld’sresources isunequal, Idobelieve that there isenough ifweconserveandtreattheEarthwithrespect.)Thelong-termeffectofmyapproach,Ibelieve,hasbeenhealthyformychildren.Astheyhavegrownup,theyhaveprogressivelyshownsignsofexperiencingthejoythatcomesfromgiving.WhenIremindthemofthepieincident,theygrinandunderstanditsimportance.

Yoga’s sacred texts directly address greed. Patanjali counsels us to practiceaparigraha, or “greedlessness,”1 in three different verses of book two of hisYoga Sutra. First, there is verse twenty-nine: yama-niyama-asana-pranayama-pratyaharadharana-dhyana-samadhayo’ shtav-angani, or “Restraint,observance, posture, breath-control, sense-withdrawal, concentration,meditative-absorption,andenstasyaretheeightmembersofyoga.”2Next,thereisverse thirty:ahimsa-satya-asteya-brahmacarya-aparigrahayamah, or “Non-harming, truthfulness, nonstealing, chastity, and greedlessness are therestraints.”3 Finally, there is verse thirty-nine: aparigraha-sthairye janma-kathamtasambodhah,or“Whensteadiedingreedlessness,hesecuresknowledgeofthewhereforeofhisbirth(s).”4

Inbookfive,versetwenty-two,theBhagavadGitapresentsthegreatironyofgreed:yehisamsparshajabhogaduhkha-yonayaevateadyantavantahkaunteya/ na teshu ramate budhah, or “For the contact-born enjoyments arewombsofsorrow,havingabeginningandanend.Inthese,OsonofKunti,thesagedoesnotdelight.”5Trueenough,buthowarewetolivelivesofgreedlessness?

I think thatwebeginbyunderstandinggreed,especiallywhatmotivatesourownseeminglygreedybehavior.Greedpresentsitselfasthelongingforboththematerialandthenonmaterial,especiallywantingmorethanisneeded.However,whateveryoustockpile—beitdiamonds,bighouses,fame,money,proficiencyatadvancedyogaposes,or lessflashythings,youwill inevitablyenounter twocertainties.First(asdiscussedinChapterFourteen,“Impermanence”),allwillbelost.Second,thesethings,inandofthemselves,willneversatisfyyourcravings,which are expressions of your feelings of fear and emptiness. You see,sometimeswetemporarilyloseourway,becomingconvincedthatifweacquirethisthingorthatskill,wewillfinallybecomeacceptabletoourselvesandtotheworld.Inourfear,wehaveforgottenthatwearealreadywhole.

MyhusbandandIweremarkedlyunsuccessfulatteachingouryoungchildrennot tobegreedyabout their toys.Nomatterhowreasonablywepresentedourcase,wemetresistanceandtears.Wefinallyhituponasuccessfulstrategy:thetwenty-four-hourrule.ThismeantthatwhenthekidsreceivednewChristmasorbirthdaygoodies, theydidnothave to share their loot for the first twenty-fourhours.Afterthattime,theywereaskedtoshare,especiallywhentheownerwasnotplayingwiththetoy.Wefoundthatthisruleworkedwell.Itopenedthedoortocontentment,asitsoothedtheirfearsofscarcityandloss,ofhavinganenemy,andoffeelingpowerlessoversomethingthatwassupposedtobelongtothem.

A friend once translated a Chinese expression for me: “Have you eaten tocontentment?”This seems a powerful orientation to satiating hunger, be it forfoodoranythingelse.Itcallsonustoshiftourfocusfromfillinganemptinesstoexperiencing contentment. With this shift comes the possibility of practicingnongreed.Whenweseekcontentment,orwhatPatanjalicallssamtosha,wearecloser to experiencing our own wholeness. In book two, verse forty-two, hewrites,samtosadanuttamahsukha-labhah,or“Throughcontentmentunexcelledjoyisgained.”6

Buthowdoyoushiftyourfocus?Allreligioustraditionsadmonishusnottosteal,nottotakewhatisnotgiven.Iagreewholeheartedly.However,whataboutlearning to takewhat isgiven,whetherpleasantorpainful? Ipropose thatyou

begin this“contentmentshift”bydeeplyacceptingandhavinggratitudeforallthatisgiven:thebreakfastthatyouatethismorning,oceansandrivers,theyogaposes that youhave learned to practice, sunshine and sky, freedomof speech,mountains,yourcat,bananas, love, abackache, themoon, theyogaposes thatyou are unable to do, prairie grasses, your family, clouds and rain, yourmostrecentvacation,Californiapoppies,thedeathofafriend,stars,yourwork,wind,apple pie, and your breath. Can you see the endless possibilities ofwhat youhavebeengiven?Canyouseeineachthereflectionofyourownwholeness?

Contentmentasksforonlyonething:thatyoutrulyliveintheexperienceofthemoment.Withcontentmentcomesalesseningoffear.Andwiththiscomestheabilitytosharethemostimportantthingthatyouhavebeengiven:yourlove,yourwholeness.

ContentmentPractice

Youcantrainyourselftobeawareofyourimpulsestowardgreed.Wheneveryou find yourself feeling greedy about time, food, love, or something else, IsuggestthatyoupracticethisMantraforDailyLiving:Thereisalwaysenough.Youcansayiteithertoyourselforoutloud.Asyoudo,invitecontentmentintoyourheart.


•Makeyourownlistofwhatstrikesyouaboutthelifethatyouhavebeengiven. Ifyou’d like,youcandevelopyour“contentmentmuscle”bykeeping the list going.Add to the list every day or however oftenworksbestforyou.

•Returnwhatyouborrow;giveawaywhatyoureallydonotneed.•Eatonlywhenyoufeelhungry.• The twenty-four hour rule for adults: The next time you have a

cravingforanewmaterialgood,waitatleasttwenty-fourhoursbeforeyoubuyit.

•For thenext threedays,stopeatingatexactly themoment thatyoufeelfull.

• Make a list of the material things that you would like to have.Prioritizetheitemsintheirorderofimportancetoyou.Wheneveryouhavethe urge to buy something, consult your list and follow it. Ask yourself,How will this new thing enrich my life?, and What are the costs andbenefitsIwouldderivefromowningthisnewthing?


•Ilivewithcontentment.•IamfilledbythelifethatIhavebeengiven.•Thereisalwaysenough.•Ican’tbegreedyandgratefulatthesametime.•WhatcanIbegratefulforrightnow?

16

Service

tasmadasaktahsatatamkaryamkarmasamacaraasaktohyacarankarmaparamapnotipurushah

Thereforealwaysperformunattachedthedeedtobedone.ForthemanwhoperformsactionwithoutattachmentobtainstheSupreme.

—BhagavadGita3:19

Whetherweareengaginginsocialactionorhelpingafriendmovetoanewapartment on a Saturday afternoon, we are all inspired to serve the needs ofothers. So important is service that it has its own namewithin the system ofyoga:karmayoga,or“self-transcendingaction.”Whenwepracticekarmayoga,weengageourdeepconnectionwithothers andwith life itself. Inbook three,verse nineteen, theBhagavad Gita teaches us an important aspect of service:tasmad asaktah satatam karyam karma samacara asakto hy acaran karma /paramapnotipurushah,or“Thereforealwaysperformunattachedthedeedtobedone. For the man who performs action without attachment obtains theSupreme.”1

Whenmydaughterwasbeinginterviewedforacceptanceintoahighschool,

shewastoldthattheywereconsideringmakingcommunityservicemandatory.Theintervieweraskedwhatshethoughtabout this.Mydaughterrepliedthat ifcommunity service were to become a required subject, its purpose would bedefeated. For her, the point was for the students to choose the option ofcommunity service. I couldn’t agree more and, as it turned out, so did theinterviewer.

Choiceistheheartofservice.Youcanservetheworldbydoingsmall,unsungactions each daywithoutmuch difficulty. To name a few: pick up a piece ofglass on the sidewalk so that no one cuts herself; carry away the trash on ahikingtrail;movetoanotherseatonabussothatafamilycansittogether;anddonate your children’s discarded toys to a shelter. Although important, theyneitherrequiresignificantinteractionwithanotherpersonnortheenergyittakestohonorthoserelationships.Youmayhaveaheartfeltdesiretovolunteeratthehospital,ortohelpyourchildrenwiththeirhomeworkafteryouhavehadalongday,ortolistenwhenafriendtelephoneswithaproblem.Atthesametime,youmaybeonoverloadandfeelresentfulatbeingcalledintoservice.Isitpossibleto follow Patanjali’s lead and servewithout attachment to outcome, includinghowyoushouldappear toothers?Howdoyouhonor thespiritofkarmayogaandalsohonoryourownneeds?

AfriendandIwereoncediscussingtheincredibledemandsofmotherhood.Intruth, Iwas complaining abouthow little time I had formyself because Iwasalmost always doing something for someone else. She explained how she lostherwaywhenher actionswereonly for others and she forgot about herself. Imulledoverherwords for a long time. I even felt anger at her point of view,probablybecause it didnot alignwithwhat I thoughtwasyogic. It tookmealongtimetounderstandherwisdom.

Tobegin,itisimportanttoacknowledgethecomplexityofourmotivationtohelpeitherwhenaskedorbecausethedesirehasspontaneouslyarisen.Itmaybedifficult for us to know competely whywe do what we do. But one thing iscertain:allofourfeelingsarepartofourhumanness,includingourresentmentsand our disillusionments. My friend understood that although motherhood isdemanding, it does not demand that she be selfless. It is, in fact, quite theopposite:toparentwell,shereallymusttakecareofherself.

Following her lead, you can come to karma yoga by determining what ispossibleforyourighthereandrightnow.Youcanassessyourphysicalhealth,energylevel,andabilities.Youcansaynoifthatismoretruthfulthanaresentfulyes.Youcannoticewhenyougetinternalmessagesthatyouarehelpinginordertogainpower,orrecognition,or love.Aschallengingas itmaybe toembracethesepartsofyourself,youcanbegratefulforhavingbeengiventheopportunitytoseeyourselfandyoursituationmoreclearly.Justas inasanapractice,whenyou bring the wandering mind back to the movement of the breath or thesensationsofthebody,sotooyoucancheckinwithyourself—timeandagain—tomakesure, asmy friend taughtme, thatyouhavenot lostyourway.Whenyou serveyourself, youmake it possible to serveothers.Andwhenyou serveothers,youacknowledgeyourinterdependencewithalloflife.

ServicePractice

Youhavetheopportunitytoservealldaylong:athomewiththechildren,attheofficewithyourfellowworkers,attheyogastudiowithyourstudents.Thequestionis,Whatkindofservantareyou:resentfulandmanipulative,orjoyfulandinspiring?Asimplewaytopracticeserviceistofindsomethingaroundyourhomeorworkthatneedsdoingandtodoitwithoutfanfare.Donottellanyonethat you are going to do it, and do not talk about it afterward. Try to pick a“serviceproject”everydayoratleastonceaweek.


•AfteryouhaveworkedwiththeServicePracticeseveraltimes,noticewhatopportunitiestoservecomeyourway.Perhapsthereissomethinginyour neighborhood, or at your children’s school, or at your place ofworship. If it is a big project, enlist the aid of a friend or two.Begin bystatingyourintentiontoyourself,suchas,IwilldowhatIcaninresponseto what is needed here. Pay attention to your thoughts after you havecompleted theproject.Areyouwaiting for someone to thankyouorgiveyourecognition?Ifyouarethanked,acceptit.

• If you regularly volunteer and feel burned out,maybe you need abreak. Take it. Then reassesswhat is possible for you:Howmuch?Andhowoften?

•Ifyouteachyoga(oranythingelse),noticeifyourteachingisalignedwith thespiritofkarmayoga.Doyou takecareofyourphysical,mental,and emotional needs so that you are prepared to teach? Is your practicestale:areyouteachingbyrote?Doyousometimescallattentiontoyourselfwhenitisnotnecessary?Doyoucallit“my”yogaclassandforgetthatitisalso the students’ yoga class? Is teaching a job, or an act of service, orboth?

• I like to say that I teach for myself and practice for my students.WhatImeanbythisisthatalthoughIcertainlypayattentiontotheneedsofthestudents, I teachwhat is inmyheart. I try to letgoofmyfears that Imightnotbeteachingwhattheywantorinamannerthatpleasesevery-one.Instead, I offer the teachingasmygift. Inordernot toget too impressedwith my performance of an advanced pose or too depressed about myphysical limitations, I try to focus onmy personal practice as a learningexperiencethatwillallowmetoshareyogamorepurelywithmystudents.This attitude helpsme to remember to teach and practice in the spirit ofservice.Thenexttimethatyoupractice,askyourself,WhomamIservingnow?Ifyouteachyoga,askyourselfthesamequestion.


•IwilldowhatIcaninresponsetowhatisneededhere.•Icanservemyselfwithoutfeelingguilty.•Everyoneworksinthe“serviceindustry.”•Helpingothersmeanshelpingmyself.•WhomamIservingnow?

17

Connection

natvevahamjatunasamnatvamnemejanadhipahnacaivabhavishyamahsarvevayamatahparam

Verily,neverwasInot,wereyounot,orweretheserulersnot,norwillanyoneofusnotbehenceforth.

—BhagavadGita2:12

It is my experience that the most powerful human drive is the one forconnection. It is keenly apparent from the moment of birth when baby andmothermaketheirconnectionthroughtouchandthebreast.Itisapparentinthehand-holdingofeight-year-oldgirlswhoarebestfriends,aswellasintherough-and-tumble play of young boyswho are inseparable. It is even evident in theseeminglyrudecommentsofadultmalefriendswhochideeachotheraboutanuglytieorafavoritesportsteam’slossovertheweekend.

Even though we may not always know how to express our yearning forconnection, nonetheless, we long for it—with other humans and with thatMystery we call God, or the Universe, or the Source. We long for thisconnectionbecausewe feel incompletewithout themeaning itprovides inour

lives.Thisdrivingneedshapesourlives,inwayslarge—suchasmarriage—andsmall—suchas a lunchdatebetween friends.Althoughwemay, at times, feeldisconnected, we can rest in the certainty that all beings, all things, areinterconnected.Adramaticexampleofthisisthenightsky.Twinklingagainstanetofinkyblackarebillionsofstars.Ittakeseachonetomakeoursolarsystem.WhenIwas inphysical therapyschool,we learned inanatomyclassabout theblood vessels in different parts of the body. One day, I realized that there isreally only one blood vessel and that it takes on different characteristicsdependingonwhereit is.Lookatyourhand.Tellme,is thisstructureasingleunitorapalmandfivefingers?Whetheryouseetheseparatenessofthestars,orbloodvessels,oryourpalmandfingers,orwhetheryouseetheonenessof thesky, the vascular system, or your hand depends on your perception. AndperceptiondependsonwhatIcallthegrid.

You,likeallotherhumans,haveagridthatseparatesyoufromlife.Thisgridisformedbyyourbeliefsabouttheworldandyourself,andbyyourexperiencesandyourreactionstothem.Whateverfiltersthrough,youcallreality.Butisit?Askaroomfulofpeoplewhatjusthappened,andyouwillgetasmanyanswersastherearepeople.Sorealityissubjective.Isthewallinyourroomsolid,orisitempty space? To me, it may appear solid. To a physicist with an electronmicroscope, itmaybemostly empty space.Bothperceptions are correct; bothgridsareuseful.

Theimportantthingaboutperceptionisthatitcanchange,anditisrelativetoindividuals, to time, to place, and to context. We can perceive ourselves asseparatebeingsorasprofoundlyinterconnectedwitheverythingaroundus.Themoreweexperienceourselvesasseparate,themorewelongforconnection.Wemay seek connection in ways that are not productive, such as through drugs,alcohol,promiscuoussex,ordamagingrelationships.Atothertimes,wemayrunfromconnectionandfillourlivesbybeingbusy.Noneofthesestrategieshelpusdiscovertheinterconnectednessofalloflife.

InChapterThree, “LettingGo,” I toldyou aboutAnAmericanTragedy, byTheodoreDreiser,anovelinwhichayoungmanseeksthecounselofanNativeAmericanchiefabouthismissingfather.Thechiefissittingonawovenrug.Aspartofhisexplanationofwhysuchthingshappen,thechiefaskstheyoungman

to turnoveracornerof the rug.Whenhedoes, there liesa jumbleofbrightlycolored threads. The chief points out that this is how the world looks to us.Whentherugisturnedrightsideup,thusshowingthebeautifulpattern,thechiefsuggeststhatthisishowtheworldlookstoGod.Theyoungmanunderstandstherelationship between the jumble and the pattern. Most often in our lives,however,wemisstherelationship.Sometimes,andusuallyonlymuchlater,wesee the interrelationships of those things that have shaped us.Wisdom is theabilitytoseetheconnectionofallthings.

Inbook two,verse twelve,of theBhagavadGita,LordKrishna tellsArjunathat there is nothing but connection: na tv evaham jatu nasam na tvam nemejanadhipahnacaivabhavishyamah/sarvevayamatahparam,or“Verily,neverwasInot,wereyounot,orweretheserulersnot,norwillanyoneofusnotbehenceforth.”1HereassuresusthatourconnectionwiththeUniversehasexisted,existsnow,andwillalwaysexist.Ittranscendsthecyclicexistenceofbirth,anddeath,and time,and thenatural lawsofspace.Whenwe look insideourselvesfor thisconnection,wewillalwaysfind it.Wearea reflectionof it.Whenwecanlivewithadeepfaithinourconnectiontoallthatis,wefearless,wantless,andneedless.

Onemorning,Itookmysontovisitanewpreschooltoseeifitwastherightfitforhim.Iwaseagertoknowhowhefeltabouthisexperience.Hewasonlythree and one-half years old, so I tried to ask him in away that I thought hecouldunderstand.Iaskedifhisvisitfeltlongorshort.Ithoughtifitfeltlong,itwouldprobablymeanthathewasunhappy; ifshort, itmightmeanthathehadhadagoodtime.Hesaidthatitwasneither:itwasacircle.Hisanswerremindedme that time and everything else is, indeed, a circle, and that all is includedwithinit.

Wheneveryoufeelafraid,anxious,lonely,ordiscouraged,youhaveforgottenthatyouareinthecircle.Tohelpyouremember,therearepracticesuggestionsattheendofthischapterthatwillhelpyoutounderstandthatyouarecriticallyimportant in theUniverse.Butfirst it isuseful toknowthedifferencebetweenbeingspecialandbeingimportant.Ontheonehand,whenwehavetheneedtofeelspecial,wewantrulestochangeforus.Wewanttobefirstinline;wewant

tobe theone forwhomexceptionsaremade; andwewant tobe theonewhodoesn’tdie.This isa falsesenseof importance.On theotherhand,eachofushasavitalplace in theschemeof things.Eachofushasadharma:apurpose,somethingtocontributetolife.Perhapshappinessisthestatethatwefeelwhenwefindwhatitisthatwecancontributewithjoytotheworld.

Whenweembraceour importance,weare livingourconnectionwithothersand the world around us. In this state, we can change the world. Just a kindgestureoragenerouswordcanchangeanother’sday.Stoppingtopayattentionto what another person may need right now in her life and helping whenappropriatecanchangethatperson’slife.Connectionisthatprocessofknowingour importance to theWhole, aswell as comprehending that others share thisimportancewithus.Whenwedoso,wearelesslikelytohateorfear.Wecanrest,secureintheknowledgethatwearealleternalthreadsinthegranddesign.

ConnectionPractice

TohelpmerememberthatIamimportant,butnotspecial,IsayaMantraforDaily Living: “Just happening.” When I personalize what is happening assomething that is being “done tome,” I findmyself reacting to the event andforgettingmyinterconnectionwithalloflife.WhenIsaythemantra,itiseasiertorememberthatIaminthecircle.Tryit.


•Pickupapieceoffruitthatisinyourfruitbowlorrefrigerator.Justhold it.Wherewas itbeforeyouhad it? In thegrocerystore?Andbeforethat? In a truck being delivered to market? And before that? In a fruitpicker’s box? Keep going. As you hold the apple or peach or plum orapricot,knowthatyouareinthegrandcircleofpeople,places,andthingsthatbrought it toyou, including thebusdriverwhodroppedyouoffnearthe store.Without them, the peach could not be eaten.Without you, thepeachcouldnotbeeaten.

•Takeawalk.Ifpossible,gobarefootforatleastpartofthetime.Feelyourconnectiontothegrassorthesandbeneathyourfeet.

• Sometimes we keep so busy that we forget our connection withothers. Commit to a regular “time out” with your spouse or partner,children,oranotherfamilymember.Makethistimefreefromthebusinessof your lives, away from telephones and fax machines and computers.Savoryourtimetogether.

• Take a yoga class. How wonderful: the opportunity to practicetogether.

•Ifyoufindyourselftryingtomakeconnectioninunproductiveways,such as through drugs, alcohol, promiscuous sex, or damagingrelationships,makeacommittmenttoreachoutforhelp.

•Gotolunchwithafriend.


•Iaminthecircle.•Justhappening.•Iacknowledgetheconnectionofallbeings.•Peopledie,relationshipsdon’t.•Ichoosetofocusonmyconnectionwithyou,notonwhatseparates

us.

18

Truth

satya-pratishthayamkriya-phala-ashrayatvam

Whengroundedintruthfulness,actionanditsfruitiondependonhim.—YogaSutra2:36

In the Yoga Sutra, Patanjali lists satya, or “truth,” as one of the mostimportant practices for his students. In book two, verse thirty-six, heacknowledgesthatthereisnowaytomovetowardwholenesswhilecaughtupinlies. He writes, satya-pratishthayam kriya-phala-ashrayatvam, or “Whengrounded in truthfulness, action and its fruitiondependonhim.”1Howdoweachieve this truth? We often lie, actively or tacitly, to avoid confrontingourselvesandothers, thusmakingourwordsandactionsanythingbut fruitful.WecanbeginwithanexaminationofPatanjali’ssutra.

ForPatanjali,truthhasatleastthreelevels.Thefirstisabasiccommunicationthatweseekinourdailylives,thatis,tellingthetruthaboutwhatwesee,whatwefeel,andwhatweneed.Andwewantotherstodothesameforus.AlthoughIdescribeitasbasic,itisnoteasy.Whatwesee,feel,andneedisneitheralwayscleartousnoralwaysfeelssafeforustoexpress.Atthesetimes,wemayresorttotelling“littlewhitelies,”orliesofconvenience.Somefeelthattheseliesare

benignanddonothurtanyone:Idisagree.IsufferjustknowingthatI’vetoldalie,andallliesseparatemefrommyselfandfromothers.

The second level of satya is integrity. One day during the 1988 Californiadrought,mythenfive-year-olddaughterandIweretakingashowertogethertosavewater.Sheasked,“Mommy,whatisintegrity?”IstruggledtoanswerherinawaythatIthoughtthatshecouldunderstand.Itoldhertoimaginethatshewaswalkingthroughapark,andthatsheandseveralotherssawamandropatwentydollarbill.Underthesecircumstances,ifshereturnedthemoneytotheman,thatwashonesty.Butifnooneelsesawthatthemanhaddroppedthemoneyandshestill returned it, thatwas integrity. Integrity is internalhonesty. It is telling thetruthwhennoonewouldeverknow.Integrityisrefusingtotellalieforselforforothers.

Thethirdleveloftruthhastodowiththemeaningofsatyaitself.SatreferstothebedrocktruthfromwhichtheUniversesprings.ItisthetruthofGod.YaisanactivatingprefixinSanskrit.Thussatyameans“activelybecomingthetruthoftheUniverse.”2Idonotknowaboutyou,butIfindthisadauntingprospect.

Ihaveafriendwhosays,“Whenindoubt,tellthetruth.”Theirony,ofcourse,isthatwearealwaysindoubt.Weareindoubtaboutwhatactuallyisthetruthinthefirstplace.Weare indoubtaboutwhateffect the truthwillhaveonothersand on ourselves. Finally, we are in doubt about our ability to withstand thepossible effects of others knowing the truth. Yet we know somewhere deepinsidethatthetruthiswhateveryonereallywantsmostfromus.Andweknowthat the truth usually is exposed anyway. One of the most powerfulunderstandingsabouttruththatIhavelearnedisthatalthoughtellingorhearingthetruthmayhelpliftaweightfromourshoulders,itmaysimultaneouslybreakour hearts. Telling the truth is often not easy in the short run; it is, however,infinitelyvaluableinthelongrun.

Tolierequires thatyouturnawayfromyourselfandothers,andthiscreatesmisery.Livingsatyaislearningtomakeconsciouschoicesabouttruthfulnessindailyliving.Buttellingthetruthmaysmackofirritatingrighteousnesswithout

another important ingredient. Patanjali discusses ahimsa, or “nonharming,”beforesatya.TomeandtoscholarswithwhomIhavespoken, thismeansthattruth cannot be practiced without ahimsa. For example, if you waltz into theroomwearingwhatIthinkistheugliestdressthatIhaveeverseenandaskmehowI like it, IamnotpracticingsatyaifIsaythat it is theugliestdress thatIhave ever seen. The reason that my statement is not satya is that it does notexpressahimsafirst.Icouldsayinstead,“Itfitsyouwell.”Or,ifpressed,IcouldsaythatIdidnotlikeit.ButinordertopracticesatyaImustrespondinawaythatisnotintendedtoharm.Itistruethatpainmaybecausedbymystatements,butmyintentionisnevertoharm.Isuggestthat,beforespeakingortakingsomeotheraction,youfirstaskyourselfthesequestions:Isitnecessary?Isittrue?Isitnonharming? If you can answer yes to all these questions, it may be okay toproceed.Ifnot,youmustweighwhatistherightactioninthesituation.

Truthfulness includes thesmall things thatnoonebutyouwouldeverknowabout.Iamsadtosaythatmorethanoneyogateacherhasadmittedtomethatheliesabouttheincomethathereceivesfromteachingyogainordertodecreasetheamountofmoneythatheowes in taxes. Imustadmit that this is tempting.Like many yoga teachers, I receive a sizable portion of my income in cash,which could be difficult to trace. When I spoke to my husband about thepossibilityofnotreportingthiscash,hisreplywasstraightforward:“We’llreportevery penny and sleep at night.” I also realized that I could not lecture ontruthfulnessandclarityand,atthesametime,lieaboutmyincome(oranythingelse). It is in the nitty-gritty details of your life that what I call “living youryoga”isallabout.

IhadanotherchancetolearnabouttruthfulnessindailylivingwhenafriendaskedmewhyIdidn’thavearadardetectorinmyvan.ItoldherthatifIusedaone,Iwouldbesendingourchildrenamessage:Itisokaytobreakthelaw(orlie) as long as you don’t get caught. To do this, I would not be modelingintegrity,soI reluctantlydeclined topurchasea radardetector.Youmay thinkthatIambeingtoopicky.However,ifIwanttoliveatruthfullifethatchoiceoftruthfulnessmustbepartofthedecisionsworthapennyaswellasthoseworthamillion dollars. And then there is telling yourself the truth in asana practice.Howoftendoyoucoerceyourselfintoholdingaposelongerthanisbeneficial?Howoftendoyoupracticeposesthatarenotappropriate?Isuggestthatwebringthesamespiritofahimsaandsatyatoeveryposeandtoeverypractice.

Intheversecitedpreviously,Patanjaliisstatingtheresultsofbecomingfullyentrenched in the truth:Youcouldnot sayanything thatdidnotcome true. Inotherwords,ifyouarelivingthetruth,thenyoucannotlie—becauseyouarethetruth. Everything you say comes true because you and the truth are one.Learningtospeakfromyourplaceoftruthisoneofthemostdifficult—andoneof the important things—thatyoucando in life. It isworth it,because it freesyoufromtheseparationthatlyingcreates,anditsimultaneouslysupportsothersinlivingandspeakingtheirtruths.ThisiswhatIwantfrommyself,andthisiswhatIwantfromthosearoundme.Don’tyou?

TruthPractice

There is a simple exercise that you can try the next time that you are in averbalconflictwithsomeone.Trythisbeforethingsstarttoheatupandyoubothloseit.Asyoubegintofeeltheconflictstart,askthefollowingquestion:“Whatdo you want from me right now?” This is a powerful question for severalreasons.First,itacknowledgesthattheotherpersonmaynotbegettingwhatshewantsandwhatshewantsisimportanttoyou.Second,itfocuseson“rightnow”andhelpsyoubothtoletgoofthepastandwhatmayhavehappenedpreviouslyinthesituation.Andfinally,byaskingthisquestion,youhelptheotherpersonfocusonherowntruth:thetruthofwhatsheisfeelingandneeding.Whenyouare able to do this, it is of great help not only to the other person but also toyourself.Whenyoufocusonthetruthofrightnow,youarepracticinginsuchawayastotrulyliveyoga.


•Makea listof three thingsaboutwhichyou lied.Forgiveyourself.Silentlyaskthosetowhomyouliedtoforgiveyou,too.

•Askyourpartnertotellyouatruththatshehasneverbeforesharedwithyou.Thendothesameforher.

•Lyingisaformofdisrespectingselforothers.Thenexttimethatyouare tempted to tell a lie, even a little one, ask yourself whom you aredisrespectingatthatmoment.


•Isittrue?Isitnecessary?Isitnonharming?•Whatdoyouwantfrommerightnow?•Whenindoubt,tellthetruth.•Thinkthetruth,tellthetruth,andlivethetruth.

19

Success

bhogaishvarya-prasaktanamtayapahrita-cetasam

vyavasayatmikabuddhihsamadhaunavidhiyate

For thosewhoare completely attached to enjoyment andpower,with themindcarriedawaybyit—theirwisdomfaculty,whichisoftheessenceofwill,isnotsettledinsamadhi.

—BhagavadGita2:44

Ourcultureisobsessedwithsuccess.Weusuallymeasureitbyachievement,suchaswinningatsomethingorasearninglargesumsofmoney.Butitwouldseemthateventhesesignificantaccomplishmentshavedrawbacks.ConsidertheOlympics. Obviously, taking a medal in any event is the zenith of athleticperformance. However, although the winner of the gold is often described asecstatic,thesilvermedalistissometimesportrayedasdisappointed.Eventhoughherperformancemayhavebeenclockedatonlyafewthousandthsofasecondlessthanthegoldmedalist,shemayfeellikeafailure.Thisistheall-or-nothingphilosophyofsuccess.Thereisanotherwayoflookingatlife.

At five, my oldest child attended a ski camp. When he returned from themountains, he declared that he had been in a race, and proudly displayed hissecondplacemedal.WhenIaskedhimwhoelsehadbeenintherace,hesaid,“Oneotherboyandme.”Iinstantlylovedthatcampforcreatinganatmospherethathonoredhimforhisparticipation.Howoftendoweconsider thatwehavefailedwhenwedonotachievewhattheworlddefinesassuccess?Unfortunately,wetendtooverlookthemoremeaningfulmeasuresofsuccessinourselvesandothers.Learningtohaveperspectiveaboutoursuccessesandfailuresisvital.

Theonlyrealsuccessinlifeislivingwithanopen,lovingheart.ThisallowsyoutoconnectwiththeDivineinyourselfandinothers.Fromthisperspective,successcanbeseeninthechoiceoftruthinsteadoflies,loveinsteadofhate,andhelping instead of turning away from the needs of others. If you honestlyexamine your life, you can findmany examples of success. Perhaps you haveraisedlovingchildren,orhelpedanotherhumanbeinginatimeofneed.Maybeyouhaverisenaboveadifficultchildhoodtocreatealovingfamilyofyourown,orchosen,inatensemoment,silenceinsteadofharshspeech.Perhapsyouhavelearned to accommodate your own energy level, getting help when yourworkload is too great or relinquishing being on theA list, rather than puttinghealthandhappinessatrisk.

TheyogatraditioncounselsusaboutsuccessintheBhagavadGita,booktwo,verse forty-four: bhogaishvarya-prasaktanam tayapahrita-cetasamvyavasayatmika buddhih / samadhau na vidhiyate, or “For those who arecompletelyattachedtoenjoymentandpower,withthemindcarriedawaybyit—theirwisdomfaculty,whichisoftheessenceofwill,isnotsettledinsamadhi.”1Inthisverse,Krishnaexplainsthenatureofsuccess,emphasizingthatallthosethingsthatareobtainedintheworldaretransitoryandarenotultimatelysuccess.Whenwedefinesuccessinaworldlyway,wenotonlylimitourselvesandthosearoundus, butwealso contribute toour falseperceptionof reality. In simplerterms,wearemissingoutonlife.Thereisnosubstituteforpeace.Eventhoughwe pay lip service to it, we forget this fact on a daily basis. One way torememberitistoenjoythesimplestofpleasures:thecolorofarose,thesoftnessof the wind on your skin, the laughter of a passing stranger—or coming insecondoutoftwoinaskirace.

Am I suggesting that we give up and no longer try to achieve our goals?Absolutelynot.Itisnotthepossessionofaccomplishmentsthatistheproblem:rather, the problem is the belief that they are the solution to an aching soul.Whenmychildrenwereyoung, Iasked themfor listsofwhat theywanted forChristmas. (Of course, Santa edited these to exclude some dramatic requests,such as a giraffe!) I tried to buy the exact gifts thatmy children requested. IstrovetogivemychildrenwhattheylongedforbecauseIwantedthemtorealizethat they could have thematerial things that seemed so important and still beunhappy. If theynever gotwhat theywanted, itwould be easy to blame theirunhappiness on that. I reasoned that ifmykids received the gifts theywanted(again, within limits), they would have a better chance of learning to findsatisfactionotherthaninmaterialgoods.Asmychildrenmatured,theybegantoaskforgiftsthatcouldnotbefoundinastore.

Thequestion, then, is,howcanweenjoyourworldly successesandyetnotidentifyourselveswiththem?Whenitcomestoourapproachtosuccess,wearelikeatightropewalker.Afterall,itdoesnotmatterwhethershefallstotheleftor to theright: ineithercase,shehas fallen. In thesameway, ifwe think thatsuccessisthesolutiontoourlivesandputtoomuchemphasisonit,thenwefalltotheleft.However,ifweignorethematerialgiftsthatwehavebeengiven,wefall to the rightbecausewemissoutongreatenjoyment in theworld.FindingthebalancebetweenthesetwoextremesishowIwoulddefinesuccess.

SuccessPractice

Tohelpgetperspectiveon theall-or-nothingphilosophyof success,makealist of your successes and failures in the past six months. Were there anysuccessesembeddedinyourfailures?Werethereanyfailuresembeddedinyoursuccesses?Canyouseehowthereissomeofbothinboth?


•Areyousoinvestedinbeingseenassuccessfulthatyouholdontothingslongerthanisgoodforyou?Isittimetoresignfromacommitteeorajob,orgiveupahobbygrownstale?Canyoudosowithoutresentmentandinawaythatdoesnotharmyouoranyoneelse?

•Thenexttimeyouplayagame,whetheritiscardsortennis,donotkeepscore.Focusonthesuccessofenjoyingthegame,notwinning.

•Asksomeonewhoknowsyouwelltosharewithyouwhattheyseeasyourbiggestsuccessinlife.Youmightbesurprised.

• Keep a success journal. Every night, spend two minutes writingdownatleastonesuccessyouhadthatday:perhapsyousmiledatsomeonewho was grumpy, picked up trash that someone else had dropped, orremembered your mother’s birthday. Once in a while, leaf through thepages,andenjoyallthelittlesuccessesthatmakeupthefabricofyourlife.


•Iacknowledgemysuccesses.•Iliveinbalance.•Iamwillingtoenjoylife.•Cominginsecondisasuccess.•Asuccessfullifeisonelivedinfriendshipandlove.•Love,notwealth,issuccess.

20

Nonviolence

ahimsa-pratishthayamtat-samnidhauvaira-tyagah

When the yogin is grounded in the virtue of nonharming, all enmity isabandonedinhispresence.

—YogaSutra2:35

Oneday,myyoungdaughteraskedmeif Ihadeverkilledanyone.Myfirstreactionwasdisbelief.Then,becauseIalwaystrytoanswermykids’questionshonestly,IsaidthatIhadneverkilledanyone.Butmyanswermademethink.Itis truethatIhadnotknowinglykilledanyone,butIdidnotactuallyknow thatmyactionshadnotgeneratedaripple-in-the-pondeffect thathadcausedharm,even death. I looked down at the Oriental rug in my living room. Could Ihonestly say that therewasnochild labor involved?Could Ihonestly say thatmyeconomicchoiceshadnotcausedmiseryordeath forsomeone inadistantcountry? Perhapsmy offhanded rudeness during driving one day had affectedanotherdriver’smoodsothatshehadlateractedwithangerandthusanaccidenthad happened. The question of how our choices may harm others is acomplicatedone.

In book two, verse thirty, of the Yoga Sutra, Patanjali lists five yama, or

“restraints,” that he suggests yoga students follow in order to move towardwholeness.1 The first of these is ahimsa, which comes from two words: a,meaning“not,”andhimsa,meaning“harm.”Thus,ahimsameans“nonharming.”Patanjali says thatweare toactivelypracticenonharmingas the foundationofpractice.Butwhatdoesthismeaninourdailylives?

Themosteffectivewaytopracticeahimsaistopayattentiontoourangryandviolentthoughts.Ifwearebeinghonest,wecanadmitthatwehavethesekindsofthoughtsdaily.Usually,wefeelthatalliswellbecausewechoosenottoactonthem.Society’sveryexistencedependsupontheseparationbetweenthoughtandaction.Ifweactedoutallofourthoughts,societywouldnotexist.However,if we are committed to personal evolution, then we must deepen ourunderstandingofourresponsibility.Whenwehaveanangryorviolentthought,it is significant, because thoughts are the foundation for our words and ouractions.Ifwewanttochangethewaythatweinteractwiththeworld,thenwehavetochangeourwordsandactionsbychangingourthoughts.

Thischangecomesfirstandforemostfromtheprocessofpayingmeticulousattentiontoathought.Whenwedo,wehaveagreaterchanceofseparatingfromit, a process that I call disidentification. Thismeans that wemay continue tohave the thought but realize that it is only a thought, that is, a neurological-biochemicalevent:Itisnotwhoweare.

Onethoughtorattitudethatcanbethegenesisofangryorviolentthoughtsistherootthought,Iamspecial.AsdiscussedinChapterSeventeen,“Connection,”weallwanttobespecialandnothavetofollowtherules.Wewanttobeabletobreakthespeedlimit,ortomovetothefrontoftheline,ortoignoreadeadline.Thiswishseparatesusfromothers,andprovidesabackgroundforustothinkofothersasobjectstomanipulateinordertogetwhatwewant.Whenwethinkofothersasobjects,itiseasiertoinjurethemthroughthoughts,words,anddeeds.

Remember, we are all critically important to the Universe. Each of us hassomethingtoofferandsomethingtoreceive.Ourwordsandouractionshavethepotential to affect everyone and everything around us. To recognize our own

importancerequiresourrecognizingtheimportanceofothers.Whenwedo,wetreatthemwithrespectand,therefore,practiceahimsa.

In book two, verse thirty-five, of the Yoga Sutra, Patanjali states, ahimsa-pratishthayam tat-samnidhauvaira-tyagah,or“When theyogin isgrounded inthe virtue of nonharming, all enmity is abandoned in his presence.”2 Here hepaintsapictureofwhathappensasweperfectnonharminginourlives.Aswebegin to live the teaching of ahimsa, those around us give up their hostility.What a gift to the world! As we watch our thoughts, and through thatobservation allow for some distance between us and them, we move furtheraway from having violent thoughts in the first place. And as these habitualthoughts leave our consciousness, a change happens in us and all around us.There is power in this practice, and each of us is integral to the creation ofnonharming.

Wemust,however,beclearaboutthedifferencebetweenactingwithviolenceandactinginawaythatprotectsselfandothers.Thereisastoryaboutahimsathat I’vebeen toldbymany teachers throughout theyears.Acertainsadhu,or“wanderingmonk,”wouldmake a yearly teaching visit to some villages.Oneyear, as he entered a village, he saw a large, menacing snake terrorizing thepeople.Thesadhuspoke to the snakeand taughthimaboutahimsa.When thesadhu made his next annual visit, he saw the snake. This once magnificentcreaturewasskinnyandbruised.Thesadhuaskedthesnakewhathadhappened.The snake replied that he had taken the teaching of ahimsa to heart and hadstopped terrorizing the village. But because he was no longer menacing, thechildrennowtauntedhimandthrewrocksathim,andhewasafraidtoleavehishidingplace.Thesadhushookhishead.“Ididadviseagainstviolence,”hesaidtothesnake,“butInevertoldyounottohiss.”

We all want a world that is peaceful and safe, and we sometimes feeloverwhelmed when we see the hatred, anger, and violence around us. I amreminded of a flier advertising “AVision ofGlobal Peace,” aworkshopwithMarshallB.Rosenberg, aboutwhom Iwrote inChapterNine, “Control.” TheflierquotedDr.Rosenberg:“Violenceinanyformisatragicexpressionofourunmet needs.”3 I agree with Dr. Rosenberg. I would add that there is hope.Learning to observe and eventually let go of our own violent thoughts is the

catalystforchangethattheworldsodesperatelyneeds.Onemindlettinggoofviolence is onemind not contributing to suffering in theworld.And reducingsufferingistheultimateintentionofthepracticeofahimsa.

NonviolencePractice

Attheendofmyyogaclasses,Iringbellstosignifytomystudentsthatourtime together has come to an end, and to gradually bring them back fromrelaxation to normal consciousness.My students tellme that the sound of thebellsholdsvariousmeaningsforthem:forexample,onethingisending;anotherthingisbeginning.Youcanusethesoundofbellsaroundyoutoremindyouofyour dedication to a life of nonviolence. There is the sound of a telephone, achurch bell, your yoga timer, your beeperwatch, a percussion instrument in apieceofmusic,andanoonlunchwhistle.Eachtimethatyouhearabell,saytoyourself,Idedicatemyselftononviolence.


• Ifyouhaveyourownbells, ring themat thebeginningandendofyour yoga or meditation practice to symbolize your dedication of yourpractice time to nonviolence. If you do not have bells, use somethingaroundyourhouse,suchasaspoonstruckagainstacrystalglassorvase.

• Inspire yourself to practice nonviolence. There are modern-dayexamplesofthosewhohavededicatedtheirlivestoahimsa,suchasMartinLutherKingJr.,ThichNhatHanh,MotherTheresa,andMahatmaGandhi.Readtheirbiographiesorbookswrittenbythemtolearnabouttheirjourneytolivinginpeace.

•Thenext timethatyounoticethatyouhavelashedoutatsomeone,replaythesceneinyourhead.Thistime,practiceahimsa.

•Payparticular attention to your yoga andpranayama practice.Canyoupracticenonviolencetowardyourselfbydoinglessandbeingmore?

•Forjustoneday,silentlyremindyourselfofahimsajustbeforeyouspeak.


•Iampeace.•Imakeacommitmenttopracticingyogaposeswithahimsa.•Ichoosetorespondwithequanimity.• My intention today is to invite peace into all of my words and

actions.

21

Love

yadriccha-labha-samtushtodvandvatitovimatsarahsamahsiddhavasiddaucakritvapinanibadhyate

Contentwithwhat ischance-obtained, transcendingtheopposites,withoutenvy,thesameinsuccessandfailure,thoughperformingactions—heisnotbound.

—BhagavadGita4:22

Askmost people and they would probably confirm that love was themostimportantthingintheirlivesandthelastthingthattheywouldbewillingtogiveup.Mostofuswouldprobablychooseashort life filledwith love thana longone livedwithout it.Yetwewouldbe hard pressed to find awordwithmoreconnotations and denotations than love. It seems to cover everything from abrief,lustfulromancetoanenduringrelationship.

Irememberthefirsttimethatmyheartwasbrokenbylove.Iwasateenagerandaboydumpedmeforsomeoneelse.Iwasconvincedthatmylifewasover.Icontinuedtocarryatorchforhimforalongtime:itmusthavebeentwoweeksbeforeIdevelopedacrushonsomeonenew!Atthetime,Ithoughtthatthelove

that I had felt for the boywho had dumpedmewas wasted love. Now, wellbeyondmyteens,Ifeelthatthereisnosuchthingaswastedlove.Anylovethatwe experience holds great power, that is, the power to transform both us andthosewhomwelove.Infact,withoutlovewecannotbetransformed.

SometimesInoticemyyogastudentspracticingtheirlessthanfavoriteposeswithaho-humattitude.Atthesemoments,Iremindthemthatalthoughyogaispowerful, it cannot transform us unless we love it. When we love, we arereceptive to the “other.” When we love, we are vulnerable. Although beingvulnerable can be frightening, it is also the doorway to the ultimate freedomwrittenaboutinbookfour,versetwenty-two,oftheBhagavadGita:yadriccha-labha-samtushtodvandvatitovimatsarahsamahsiddhavasiddauca/kritvapinanibadhyate, or “Content with what is chance-obtained, transcending theopposites, without envy, the same in success and failure, though performingactions—heisnotbound.”1

Here, Krishna explains what life is like when you are not bound by theattraction of opposites, and that when this state is experienced, there is noreactiontothevicissitudesoflife.Whenyoureact,youarenotinastateoflove.Whenyoucanlovewithoutexpectation,youareinastateofpurelove.Mostly,what is declared tobe love is not.Rather, it is need, or fear, or thedesire forpoweroveranotherperson.Loveinitspurestsenseisnotbaseduponwhatyouget fromthe relationship,butonwhat the relationshipallowsyou togive.Thedepthofyourloveisnotreflectedinwhattheothermakesyoufeel,butinyourwillingnesstogiveofyourself.Love’sjobistoleadyoutointimacywithwhatisenduringinyourselfandinothers.Whetherthisconnectionlastsforsecondsorfordecades,loveisnotwasted.Throughit,youhavebeentransformed.

Aword of caution: I am not recommending that you accept the actions ofothers, even those whom you love, without discrimination. For example, Isuggesttomystudentsthatwhentheystudywithayogateacher,includingme,theyimaginetakinganinvisible,finelywovennettoclass.Icounselthemtoletonlythosethingspassthroughthenetthatarelifeaffirming.Finally,IsaythateveniftheteacherwerePatanjalihimself,youshouldneverdiscardthenet.Itisa reminderofyourobligation toyourself tobediscriminating.Without it,youmaymisstheopportunitytoloveyourself.

I learned this lesson in an interestingway.Oneday after teachingmyyogaclass, Iwas feeling particularly connected to theUniverse. Iwas in lovewitheveryone. Iboarded thestreetcar,boundforhome.After Ihadbeenseated foronlyafewminutes,adrunkmanstaggereddowntheaisle,stopped,leanedoverme, and began to verbally harass me. I thought to myself that God must besaying,Youthinkthatyouloveeveryone?Watchthis.Asthemancontinuedtoswaybackandforthandtalkloudly,Iconsciouslycloseddownmyenergy.Heinstantlyleftmealone.Ilearnedapowerfullessonthatday.Whenyouopenupyourheart,itcanbeoutofpride.HadIbeenwiser,Iwouldhaverealizedthatitwould be better if I kept my energy to myself unless I was truly the lovingpersonthatIthoughtIwas.Vulnerabilityisnotanexcuseforforgettingtohonortheappropriatenessofsharinglove.Learningtosharethedeepopeningofyourheartislife’smostimportantlesson.Butitneedsdiscriminationasitspartner.

I learnedanothervaluable lessonabout love froma friendandyoga teacherwhodiedafewyearsago.Webothhadalwaysbeenfascinatedwithgraveyards,andusedtotakewalksinonenearherhouse.Wewouldoccasionallydiscussourowndeaths,andpromisedeachotherthatwhoeverdiedfirstwouldtrytocontacttheother.Iforgotaboutthispromise.Butinaquietmomentafewdaysafterherdeath,Iheardherwonderfulanddistinctivelaugh.ThesoundwassoclearthatIactuallyjumped,startledbythenearnessofthesound.Howareyou?,Ithought.Sheansweredmenotinwordsbutwithwhatfeltlikeathoughtinjectedintomybrain. She said that shewas fine and that itwaswonderful on the other side.Mostimportant,shecommunicatedthattheonlythingIwastodowhilelivingwas to love everyone. This, she let me know, is the purpose of life. Theexperiencesentchillsupmyspineandovermyscalp.Itleftmebothshakenandreassured. I am grateful formy friendship ormy unconsciousmind,whateverwasthegenesisofthisexperience.Itremindedmeofwhatistheonlyimportantthinginlife:sharingtheconnectionwecalllove.

LovePractice

Language can be limiting.Thewords “I love you” sometimes do not reallyexpresswhatyouwanttosay.Trythispractice.Thenexttimethatyouareawarethat you are feeling love, say, “I am having loving feelings toward you rightnow.” This statement does two things: it acknowledges the feelings and itfocusesonthemoment.

Whenyousay“Iloveyou,”itimpliesthatthereissomethingaboutyourlovethat is dependent on the other person and her behavior. In reality, love is thechoicethatyoumakewhenyouareable toconnectwithherbeyondyourego.Saying “I amhaving loving feelings” focuses onwhat spontaneously arises inyouatthatverymoment.Andthisrememberingtofocusonthemomentistheheartoflivingyouryoga.


•Thinkaboutasituationinwhichyouthoughtyouwereinlove.Howcouldthatsituationhavebeendifferentifyouhadbroughtlove’spartner—discrimination—alongfortheride?

•Thenexttimethatyougotoyouryogaclass,takeyourinvisiblenetwithyou.Noticehowdiscriminationaffectsyourexperienceoftheteacherand theposes. (Actually, I recommend thatyou takeyour invisiblenetofdiscriminationwithyoueverywhere.)

•Makea listof those things that inspire feelingsof love:asunset,abloomingdaffodil,yourcat, theocean,apainting,watchingyoursleepingchild,preparingfoodforyourfamily,orseeingafriend.Taketimeout todeeplyexperienceoneeachweek.Noticeyourfeelingsofconnection.


•Iopentogivingandreceivinglove.•Lovedispelsfear.•Iamhavinglovingfeelingstowardmyselfrightnow.•Iamhavinglovingfeelingstowardyourightnow.•Loveisconnectionwithmyself.•Loveislife’sattempttotellmethatthereisalwayshope.•WhenIlove,Iamlivingyoga.

Notes

Introduction

1Anunpublishedstudyconductedin1999byYogaJournal,Berkeley,Calif.

2AdaptedfromGeorgFeuerstein,TheYoga-SutraofPatanjali:ANewTranslationandCommentary(Rochester,Vt.:InnerTraditions,1989),80-82.

3DagHammarskjöld,Markings(NewYork:AlfredA.Knopf,Inc.,1964),xxi.

Chapter1

Epigraph:Feuerstein,Yoga-Sutra,28.

1Ibid.

2Ibid.,author’stranslation.

3Author’stranslation.

Chapter2


1ScottPeck,TheRoadLessTraveled:ANewPsychologyofLove,TraditionalValues,andSpiritualGrowth(NewYork:SimonandSchuster,1978),15.

2Feuerstein,Yoga-Sutra,34.

3Ibid.

Chapter3


1Ibid.

2Ibid.


4Feuerstein,Yoga-Sutra,61-62.


6Ibid.


Chapter4


1Ibid.

2Ibid.


4Author’sdefinition.

Chapter5

Epigraph:Feuerstein,Yoga-Sutra,40.Author’stranslation.

1Ibid.

2AZenHarvest:JapaneseFolkZenSayings,comp.andtrans.SôikuShigematsu(Berkeley,Calif.:NorthPointPress,1988),95.

3Ibid.,19.

Chapter6


1Ibid.

Chapter7

Epigraph: Georg Feuerstein, The Bhagavad-Gita: Yoga of Contemplation andAction(NewDelhi:Arnold-Heinemann,1980),61.

1Ibid.

Chapter8

Epigraph:Feuerstein,Yoga-Sutra,47-48.

1Ibid.,80.

2Ibid.,47-48.

3Webster’sNinthNewCollegiateDictionary,s.v.“compassion”;andibid.,s.v.“com-.”

Chapter9


1Hammarskjöld,Markings,8.


3SuzukiRoshi,quotedinLesKaye,ZenatWork:AZenTeacher’s30-YearJourneyinCorporateAmerica(NewYork:Crown,1996),42.

4MarshallB.Rosenberg,ataworkshoponnonviolentcommunication(SanFrancisco,Calif.,29May1997).ForinformationaboutDr.Rosenberg’swork,contactTheCenterforNonviolentCommunication,P.O.Box2662,Sherman,TX75091;903/893-3886.Forinformationabouthisbook,NonviolentCommunication:ALanguageofCompassion,contactPuddleDancerPress,P.O.Box1204,DelMar,CA92014;877/367-2849.

Chapter10

Epigraph:Feuerstein,Bhagavad-Gita,54-55.

1Ibid.

2KathyWeston,R.N.,telephoneconversationwithauthor,1April1999.


4Weston,telephoneconversation.

Chapter11

Epigraph:Feuerstein,Yoga-Sutra,55.Author’stranslation.





5GayHendricks,TheTenSecondMiracle:CreatingRelationshipBreakthroughs(SanFrancisco:HarperSanFrancisco,1998),41.

Chapter12


1CALVINANDHOBBES;copyright©Watterson.ReprintedwithpermissionofUNIVERSALPRESSSYNDICATE.Allrightsreserved.



4Ibid.

Chapter13

Epigraph:Feuerstein,Yoga-Sutra,69-70.

1ArthurC.Guyton,M.D.,BasicHumanPhysiology:NormalFunctionandMechanismsofDisease(Philadelphia:W.B.SaundersCompany,1971),515.


3Ibid.,63.

4Ibid.,62.

Chapter14


1Ibid.

2ShakyamuniBuddha,quotedinThichNhatHanh,PlumVillageChantingBook(Berkeley,Calif.:ParallaxPress,1991),131.

3Ibid.

4Ibid.

Chapter15

Epigraph:Feuerstein,Bhagavad-Gita,88.


2Ibid.,79-80.

3Ibid.,80.

4Ibid.,86.

5Feuerstein,Bhagavad-Gita,88.


Chapter16


1Ibid.

Chapter17


1Ibid.

Chapter18

Epigraph:Feuerstein,YogaSutra,85.

1Ibid.


Chapter19


1Ibid.

Chapter20


1Ibid.,80.

2Ibid.,84.

3ForinformationaboutDr.Rosenberg’swork,seeChapterNine,note4.

Chapter21


1Ibid.

Appreciations

Grateful acknowledgment is made to the following for permission to reprintpreviouslypublishedmaterial:

Farrar, Straus and Giroux: Excerpts #81 and #447 from A Zen Harvest:Japanese Folk Zen Sayings, compiled and translated by Sôiku Shigematsu;copyright © 1988 by Sôiku Shigematsu. Reprinted with permission of NorthPointPress,adivisionofFARRAR,STRAUSANDGIROUX,LLC.Allrightsreserved.

GeorgFeuerstein:Excerpts fromTheBhagavad-Gita:YogaofContemplationand Action by Georg Feuerstein; copyright © 1980 by Georg Feuerstein.ReprintedwithpermissionofGEORGFEUERSTEIN.Allrightsreserved.

InnerTraditionsInternational:ExcerptsfromTheYoga-SutraofPatanjali:ANewTranslationandCommentarybyGeorgFeuerstein;copyright©1979,1989by Georg Feuerstein. Reprinted with permission of INNER TRADITIONSINTERNATIONAL,Rochester,VT05767.Allrightsreserved.

ParallaxPress:Excerpt from thePlumVillageChantingBookbyThichNhatHanh; copyright © 1991 by Eglise Bouddhique Unifiée. Reprinted withpermissionofPARALLAXPRESS,Berkeley,CA94707.Allrightsreserved.

Universal Press Syndicate: CALVIN AND HOBBES; copyright © byWatterson.Reprintedwith permission ofUNIVERSALPRESSSYNDICATE.Allrightsreserved.

Yoga Journal: Statistic from an unpublished study conducted in 1999.Reprinted with permission of YOGA JOURNAL, Berkeley, Calif. All rightsreserved.

Inaddition,muchappreciationgoesto

RichardEskite/SanFrancisco: For his photographof the author on thebackcover.

GeorgFeuerstein:ForhispersonalhelpwithtransliteratingSanskrit.

AbouttheAuthor

JudithLasaterhastaughtyogasince1971.SheholdsadoctorateinEast-Westpsychologyandisaphysicaltherapist.JudithispresidentoftheCaliforniaYogaTeachersAssociation, and serves on the advisory boards ofYoga Journal andtheYogaResearchandEducationCenter.HeryogatrainingincludesstudywithB.K.S.IyengarinIndiaandtheUnited

States.Sheteachesongoingyogaclassesandtrainsyogateachersinkinesiology,yoga therapeutics, and the Yoga Sutra at the Iyengar Yoga Institute of SanFrancisco. Judith also gives workshops throughout the United States, and hastaughtinCanada,England,France,Indonesia,Japan,Mexico,Peru,andRussia.She writes extensively on the therapeutic aspects of yoga. Her best-selling

RelaxandRenew:RestfulYoga forStressfulTimes (RodmellPress) is thefirstbookexclusivelydevotedtothesupportedyogaposesandbreathingtechniquesthatmakeuprestorativeyoga.Herpopular“Asana”columnraninYogaJournalforthirteenyears,andshe

continuestocontributearticlesonavarietyofsubjects.Inaddition,herwritinghasappeared innumerousmagazinesandbooks, includingYogaInternational,Natural Health, Sports Illustrated for Women, Prevention, AlternativeTherapies, Numedx, International Journal of Yoga Therapy (formerly TheJournal of the International Association of Yoga Therapists),ComplementaryTherapies in Rehabilitation (Slack),Living Yoga (Jeremy P. Tarcher/Perigee),American Yoga (Grove Press), The New Yoga for People Over 50 (HealthCommunications),andLilias,Yoga,andYourLife(Macmillan).JudithLasaterlivesintheSanFranciscoBayAreawithherhusbandandthree

children.

YogawithJudithLasater,Ph.D.,P.T.

There are severalways to study yogawith JudithLasater.Whether you arelooking for the camaraderie of a class, the guidance of a book, or a yogavacation,theseresourceswillsupportyourpractice.

YogaClasses,Vacations,Workshops, andSeminars: JudithLasater teachesongoing yoga classes, leads yoga vacations, and offers specialworkshops andseminars, including Relax and Renew Seminars® and Living Your YogaSeminars®. All are open to individuals, yoga teachers, and health careprofessionals.Seewww.judithlasater.comfortheauthor’steachingschedule.

Book: Relax and Renew: Restful Yoga for Stressful Times (Berkeley, Calif.:RodmellPress,1995).Experiencetherestofyourlifewithrestorativeyoga,thesupportedposesandbreathingtechniquesthathelptoeasetheeffectsofstress.Includes programs for back pain, headaches, insomnia, jet lag, breathingproblems,menstruation,pregnancy,andmenopause.Softcover;240pages;morethan one hundred photographs, charts, and illustrations; $21.95 (plus s/h andstatetaxinCalifornia).

Booklet:YogaforPregnancy:AYogaJournalReprint (Berkeley,Calif.:YogaJournal,1994).Yogaposesandbreathingexercisestohelpyoustayflexibleandhealthy during pregnancy and the postpartum period. Booklet, twelve pages,thirteenphotographs;$2.50(pluss/handstatetaxinCalifornia).

Toorderorformoreinformation:ContactRodmellPressat2147BlakeSt.,Berkeley,CA94704-2715;800/841-3123or510/841-3123;510/841-3191(fax);[email protected](e-mail).

http://www.judithlasater.comfor

AbouttheIllustrator

GracingthefrontandbackcoversofLivingYourYogaisCaliforniaPoppies,byartistandyogastudentAndieThrams.Theoriginal lithograph(copyright©1985, 11˝ x 25˝) was inspired, likemost of her work, by drawings and colorstudiesdoneinthefield.Born in Northern California, Andie divides her time between Berkeley,

California, and Bird Creek, Alaska, a small town at the foot of the ChugachMountains,onCookInlet.Shehasabachelor’sdegree inartpracticefromtheUniversity of California at Berkeley, and continues to study painting andprintmakingwithvariousteachers.Andie has published her images as notecards and posters since 1980,when

shefoundedLarkspurGraphics.Attheheartofherworkisalifelongfascinationwiththecolors,forms,andpatternsfoundinthenaturalworld,especiallyplants.In 1983, she began her study of yoga in the style of B.K.S. Iyengar with

LynneMinton, director ofYoga,The InnerDance, inAnchorage,Alaska.ForAndie, drawing and painting are spiritual practices. “They are verymuch likeyoga,” she says. “Each cultivates openness and stillness: in the eyes and themind,inthebodyandtheheart.”For more information about Andie Thrams and her paintings, posters, and

notecards,contactLarkspurGraphics,1407EleventhAve.,Seattle,WA98122;800/779-4303.

FromthePublisher

Rodmell Press publishes books and tapes on yoga and Buddhism. In theBhagavadGita it iswritten,“Yoga is skill inaction.” It isourhope that theseproductswillhelpindividualsdevelopamoreskillfulpractice—onethatbringspeacetotheirdailylivesandtotheEarth.We thank all those whose support, encouragement, and practical advice

sustainusinourefforts.Inparticular,wearegratefultoRebAnderson,B.K.S.Iyengar,WendyPalmer,andYvonneRandfortheirinspiration.Foracopyofourcatalogandtoreceiveinformationonfuturetitles,contact

usat

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eISBN:978-1-930-48552-5

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Living your yoga : finding the spiritual in everyday life