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ADVERTISING SUPPLEMENT TUESDAY, JUNE 10, 2008 Y1LOS ANGELES TIMES
Living with one’s adult children and grand-children is becoming increasingly popularas the number of households containingmultiple generations rises.
In fact, the number of multigenerational homes in the U.S. has grown 60% since 1990 to 6 million, saidSharon Graham Niederhaus, the author, along withher brother, John L. Graham, of “Together Again: A Creative Guide to Successful Multigenerational Liv-ing” (M. Evans and Co., 2007).
The days when people left their parents behindfor jobs across the country are waning, accordingto Niederhaus. “It’s a national trend for families toreconnect. We’re coming back to what was.”
“What was” started in prehistoric days when itwas common practice for three or four generations toshare a dwelling for protec-tion and survival and to shareresources, said Graham. Families began splitting up and moving into separatehomes after World War II when people moved fromrural and urban areas intonewly created suburbs to becloser to jobs.
The reasons people return to shared living arrangementsare varied, said Niederhaus. They include the death ofa spouse, rising healthcareneeds and costs, falling pension funds and longevity.
As baby boomers age, the number of multigener-ational households is expected to increase, said An-gela Mohan, a Ventura marriage and family therapist.
Many seniors have not saved enough for retire-ment and the cost of living will make a private placeunaffordable for them, she said. The high cost of housing, especially in Southern California, has alsomade it difficult for seniors and people starting outto afford a home.
Graham, a professor in the Paul Merage BusinessSchool at UC Irvine, predicts the nation’s foreclosurecrisis could also contribute to increased multigenera-tional cohabitation in the near future. The economic
challenges faced by many could easily result in amajor rearrangement of family life in America thatwill include adult children moving in with parents andbringing their families with them, he said.
There are cultural reasons why families livetogether, but in many cases, it is usually for financial purposes, Mohan added. “Families will band together until they can branch out on their own.”
But some, like the Spataro and Kubo family of Fountain Valley, make a multigenerational householda permanent arrangement.
Twelve years ago, Susie Kubo’s husband died andshe didn’t want to live alone. So one of her four chil-dren, daughter Tami Spataro and her husband, Ray, decided to sell their home and move with their twochildren into Kubo’s five-bedroom Fountain Valley home. The two houses were only five miles apart,
but the consolidation made a huge difference in everyone’s lives.
Over the past fewyears they have upgradedKubo’s house, putting in new flooring, painting,redoing the kitchen andadding a bathroom.
The family has madethe arrangement work. The Spataros pay themortgage; Kubo pays theutilities. Six years agoKubo agreed to allow theSpataros to purchase half the house. She had re-
sisted out of concern that she would have nothing toleave to her other children. The Spataros needed thetax write-off owning a home provides. “We went to an attorney and were able to figure it all out so that everything was fair,” Tami Spataro said.
There were some challenges in the beginning,mostly when it came to matters involving raisingthe children, admitted Ray Spataro, 49, an inventory specialist for a plumbing supply business. But now, the relationship with his mother-in-law is smooth.
“We worked it out,” he said. “She’s been there for us and we’re there for her.”
Multiple-generation households are onthe rise — and some like the arrangement
2 Real EstateHomes geared for active adults55 and older.
3 Money MattersThe many advantages to preparinga revocable living trust.
THE SECOND HALF
Under one roof
Inside
Years after surviving leukemia, Evan Handler discovered his appeal
www.latimes.com/livingwell
Please see ALL IN THE FAMILY, Page 4
‘Living together has brought us
all closer.We all get
along great.’– Tami Spataro
PHO
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S BY
SU
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E M
APE
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Ray Spataro shares a sweet moment with grandsonAidan, who will be moving in soon with the rest of his
family. Aidan’s mom, Danielle Mershon, is at right.
‘Sex’ and second chances
Mid-life is smiling on Evan Handler. Hehas a new book on the stands and astarring role in a TV hit and is appear-
ing in a new blockbuster movie. Not to mention the fact that Handler’s roleskeep requiring him to bare it all.
The actor’s career-catapulting role as Harry Goldenblatt, the warm-hearted husband of thebeautiful Charlotte on the steamy TV series “Sex and the City,” was just foreplay for the blush-inducing acts he’s been caught in as Charlie Runkle, literary agent and best friend of Hank Moody on the hit Showtime series “Californication.”
“For some odd reason I seem to have becomethe go-to guy for perverse sex scenes now that I’m in my 40s,” laughed Handler, 47, who took Harry to the big screen with “Sex and the City: TheMovie,” now showing in theaters. The movie ledthe domestic box office, bringing in $55.7 million the first weekend after it opened May 30.
“It’s almost as if the more weight I gain, themore producers want me to take my clothes off. If anyone was counting, I think by the end of Sea- son 1 of ‘Californication’ I was having more edgy sexual encounters than [David] Duchovny [Hank]was,” he said. “If that’s the way it’s got to be, then that’s the way it’s got to be,” he added with a smile.
But all the racy scenes Handler has handledof late aren’t nearly as revealing as his funny andthought-provoking new book, “It’s Only Tempo-rary: The Good News and the Bad News of BeingAlive” (Riverhead Books, 2008).
With searing wit and lots of heart, Handler turnshimself inside out and puts the pangs and pleasuresof his life on paper. He takes us on the bumpy coming-of-middle-age journey he’s been on sincemiraculously recovering from “incurable” leukemia20 years ago — an encore he eagerly accepted, though he struggled to enjoy it. He explores thehuman spirit through slice-of-life musings on every-thing from mortality and spirituality to serial dating, depression and true love. The book’s vignettes roll by like snippets of home movies that, when puttogether, seamlessly compose the essence of a life. Get out the popcorn — and the tissues.
BY DEBRA BEYER
SPECIAL ADVERTISING SECTIONS WRITER
Please see EVAN, Page 2
PHO
TO
BY
LEO
HET
ZEL
“Just do what you love,” advises actor Evan Handler, who found celebrity after being cast in “Sex and the City.”
BY SOPHIA FISCHER
SPECIAL ADVERTISING SECTIONS WRITER
User: dgunther Time: 06-09-2008 14:26 Product: LASENR PubDate: 06-10-2008 Zone: LA Edition: 1 Page: SENR_COVER Color: CMYK
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Reduced prices are in effectat K. Hovnanian’s Four Sea-sons in Beaumont, a gatedcommunity for active adults 55and older. Prices start fromthe low $200,000s for the 13single-level plans in the Mon-arch, Arbors, Heritage, Laureland Landmark neighborhoods.
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On running in Central Park,he writes, for instance: “I havea hunch it would be a goodthing if I could get to a placewhere it doesn’t matter if I runall the way around the park ornever even make it there. . . .Where it’s the journey that’simportant. Where the onlything that matters is whether Iknew the sun loved me alongthe way.”
Growing up in a New YorkCity suburb was close enoughfor Handler to get the Broad-way bug. He did professionaltheater in his teens, joined theactor training program at theJuilliard School at age 18, andless than two years later leftfor Hollywood to co-star inthe 1981 film “Taps.”
At age 24, while being theunderstudy for Matthew Brod-erick in Neil Simon’s “BiloxiBlues,” Handler was diagnosedwith “terminal” acute myeloidleukemia. After four years ofharrowing treatments, a re-mission and recurrence, heunderwent a bone-marrowtransplant and was eventuallydeemed cancer-free.
Handler revived his career,landing a leading role in theoriginal cast of the Broadwayplay “Six Degrees of Separa-tion.” Other plays followed,until he was inspired to re-count his ordeal in his brutallyfunny one-man show, “TimeOn Fire.” This success spun offinto Handler the outspokenhealthcare advocate. He’sinvolved with such charities asthe Bone Marrow Foundation,for which he serves on theboard of directors.
Handler’s credits includeplaying Larry in the TV movie“The Three Stooges,” androles in such TV series as “It’sLike, You Know...” and “TheWest Wing.”
Yes, not only did Handlerget an unexpected reprise inhis life, but after many misad-ventures in love he found the
real thing and married bio-medical researcher Elisa Atti in2003. They live in Santa Moni-ca with their 15-month-olddaughter, Sofia Clementina.
With Atti, he says in hisbook, “I feel a comfort asstrong as any threat I’ve everfaced, and I know what it is I’vefound. Not only happiness.Not only joy. Not only grati-tude, though it includes themall. I’ve found what I was seek-ing even before I endured itsopposite. I’ve found peace.”
Handler was stylishlydressed and quick on the drawwith humor and honesty dur-ing a recent interview. Wetalked to the actor and authorabout second chances.
HOW DID ‘SEX AND THECITY’ CHANGE YOUR LIFE?
“It’s the most popular thingI’ve been associated with. . . .It’s a great adventure to bepart of something that be-comes so much a part of itsmoment in the culture.
The impact first hit me onmy first date with my wife. Iknew that this was quite pos-sibly a woman I wanted to bewith and, for the first time inmy life, we walked out on thestreets of Manhattan and thesecrowds of young women wereshouting, ‘We love you, welove you! Oh, my god, it’sHarry! Can we take a pic-ture?!’ And I thought, ‘Wow,the first date with a womanI’m thinking I might want to bemy wife is not the day you firstwant women to be shoutingout ‘I love you!’ ’
[Now] we get a kick out ofit. It happened relatively late inlife, like a light switch beingswitched on, so to me it’s amostly very enjoyable novelty.
WHAT MAKES YOUR HARRYGOLDENBLATT CHARAC-TER SO APPEALING TOWOMEN . . . AND MEN?
I think Harry G. is the kindof man most women claim towant deep down or wish theywanted, but don’t. It’s always
funny to me when womencome up and say, ‘Oh, I wantto find someone just likeHarry,’ because I find myselfwondering how many guys justlike Harry they’ve turneddown. And I think men like thefact that the story representeda real-life truth: that lots ofsoulful, successful guys do endup with very attractive andsuccessful-in-their-own-rightswomen.
WRITER AMY TAN SAIDYOUR BOOK IS ABOUTSOMEONE ‘GETTING OLD-ER AND YOUNGER AT THESAME TIME. . . .’ HOW DOESTHAT FEEL?
I think it comes from a kindof topsy-turvy existence.
Most people don’t confrontthe strong possibility of theirown death at 24 years old —that’s when most people arejust emerging into the worldon their own two feet, saying‘Anything is possible.’ I had theexperience of confronting‘Maybe this is the end’ andthen was set free from that.But already, because of howsick I got and the treatment Ihad, as a 25-, 26-year-old, I feltthis extreme infirmity and oldage. So then [recovering], it’sthis weird sort of rebirth withthe grim knowledge of whereit’s still all eventually headingno matter how well things go.
So that’s what this book is allabout: trying to come backfrom a disorienting encounterwith mortality and re-cultivatea young man’s life.
WHILE IN THE THROES OFYOUR ILLNESS, DID YOUEVER FEEL LIKE GIVING UP?
No. There were times thatthe doctors came in and said,basically, ‘There’s nothing elsewe can do.’ I was angry, furi-ous. . . . I was determined tobeat it. . . .
WHY DO YOU THINKYOU’RE STILL HERE — THEBIGGER REASON?
For the benefit of telling mystory. I’m grateful in the sensethat it did change my perspec-tive and bring new meaning,but I’m not one of those ‘this-all-happened-for-a-reason’people or one of those peoplethat say ‘it’s the best thing thatever happened to me. . . .’ Itwas a horrible thing. I’d gladlygive up some of the insight I’vegained from the experience tobe able to go back and bespared the experience.
But since it did happen, I tryto make it as useful to myselfand others as possible. There’svalue to the story of whereI’ve been, so I’ll tell it.
Freelancer Debra Beyer writeson people in entertainment.
EVAN: Actor, author
Photo courtesy of Craig Blankenhorn/New Line Cinema © New Line Cinema
Kristin Davis and Evan Handler reprise their “Sex in theCity” roles for the recently released movie.
Continued from Page 1
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E lder law attorney DonnaBashaw was taken abackwhen a 103-year-old man
walked into her office to havea revocable living trust pre-pared. “I said, ‘Didn’t you waita little long?’” recalled Bashaw,senior attorney at the ElderLaw Center in Laguna Hills.
“It turned out his youngtrophy wife, then 88, con-vinced him to do it.”
There are many good rea-sons for anyone with assets tohave a revocable living trustlong before the age of 103,Bashaw said.
A living trust is a documentcreated during your life thatallows you to control yourassets while alive, but alsoallows you to appoint a suc-cessor trustee to manage theassets after your death or ifyou are incapacitated.
If you don’t have a successortrustee and you become inca-pacitated, no one will haveresponsibility for paying yourbills, she said. That could trig-ger a conservatorship, inwhich the court would ap-point a conservator for yourestate.
“A living trust is like a basketthat has many components,”noted Michael Crupi, presi-dent of Graduate Estate Plan-ning Consultants in ShermanOaks. “A trust says ‘here is alist of my assets, here is wheremy assets are, here is the
person I want to make fi-nancial decisions for me andthe person I want to makehealthcare decisions for me inthe case of incapacitation.’ Andif you have children under theage of 18, a living trust allowsyou to name a guardian andbackup guardian to care forthe children.”
Revocable living trusts offermany benefits, including:
■ Avoiding probate. With aliving trust, your assets will notgo through probate after yourdeath, Bashaw said. In somestates, probate is compara-tively simple and inexpensive,but that’s not the case in Cali-fornia.
“Let’s say you have an onlychild and that child is yourtrustee and beneficiary,” shesaid. With a living trust, “afterthat child receives the deathcertificate, she can have theassets transferred into herown name. Although she’s stillresponsible for her parent’slast expenses and tax return,it’s very quick and easy.”
In comparison, even a sim-ple probate takes from eightmonths to a year to completeand involves fees ranging fromcourt expenses to filing andattorney’s fees.
A living trust is even moreimportant if you own propertyin more than one state. With-out it, the estate could beprobated in each of thosestates, she said.
■ Confidentiality. When an
estate is probated, everythingin the probate can becomepublic knowledge, Bashawsaid. “With a trust, it’s going tobe confidential,” Bashaw said.
“Once the trustor dies,under California law there is anotice requirement. Thatnotice will be sent to all bene-ficiaries of the trust and allheirs at law, saying that personhas died and they are entitledto a copy of the trust.”
■ Flexibility. If you have aliving trust, you can modify,amend or even revoke thetrust during your lifetime. Thatmeans you can change trust-ees, disinherit someone or ingeneral alter the distribution
of your estate. ■ Tax benefits. Living trusts
may have benefits for marriedcouples, Bashaw said.
Under federal law, eachindividual is allowed to leave aspecified amount to their heirsfree of federal estate taxes.This year, that amount is $2million. That means bothparents together could leaveup to $4 million to their chil-dren tax-free. If one parentpassed away, however, thattax-free figure would be cut to$2 million if the deceased hadleft everything to the spouse.
If the first spouse to dieleaves everything to the chil-dren instead of the spouse,
that would protect the de-ceased’s $2-million exemp-tion, but would leave the livingspouse without the use of thatmoney.
However, with certaintrusts, the surviving spousecan still maintain control of allmarital funds while alive andthe children can receive $4million tax-free at the time ofhis or her death.
■ Memorial arrangements.A living trust allows you tospecify memorial arrange-
ments. “You can be as specificor vague as you wish,” Crupisaid.
“I had one client who wasvery excited to tell me that hehad arranged to be crematedand have his ashes stuffed intoa Civil War cannon and thenblown out over an old CivilWar battleground,” Crupi said.“He had bought that service.We put it right into the trust.”
Freelance writer Jefffrey Steelespecializes in personal finance.
MONEY MATTERS>>
A matter of life and deathRevocable living trusts offer many advantagesBY JEFFREY STEELESPECIAL ADVERTISING SECTIONS WRITER
Michael Crupi Donna Bashaw
I f living trusts are essential, why doesn’t everyone have one?There are a number of barriers — many self-imposed —that people cite as reasons for not obtaining one:
■ Facing mortality. Obtaining a living trust means facing yourdemise. “People find it very difficult to talk about mortality,”said Michael Crupi of Graduate Estate Planning Consultants.
■ Not until old age. People don’t bother prepairing one untiltheir final years. “That’s a huge mistake,” Crupi said. “You wantto have a contingency plan set up before a crisis hits.”
■ Avoiding the cost. The expense of having one prepared isoften cited as a barrier. But people should think of it as an in-vestment. You may pay $2,000 or more for a comprehensiveestate plan, but your estate will save much more than that inavoiding probate or conservatorship, and on taxes, said elderlaw attorney Donna Basha.
■ The difficulty of finding an attorney. One resource is theNational Assn. of Elder Law Attorneys (www.naela.org).
■ Getting the trust funded. When you first obtain your livingtrust, you must transfer your assets into it. “Transferring thoseassets takes effort,” said Bashaw. “Usually the attorney willhandle the property deeds, but you have to go to the bank andget your accounts transferred in, get forms from brokers andthere’s paperwork, time and effort involved.”
But people who have living trusts know they’re doing theright thing for themselves and their loved ones.
“It feels good to have accomplished it,” Bashaw said. — JEFFREY STEELE
Why people procrastinate
User: dgunther Time: 06-09-2008 14:26 Product: LASENR PubDate: 06-10-2008 Zone: LA Edition: 1 Page: Y3 Color: K
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The arrangement has many benefits. TamiSpataro left a full-time job to return to nursingschool and now works part-time. Kubo cooksand her son-in-law does the laundry.
“I don’t have to do a whole lot,” Tami Spataro,50, said. “It’s brought us closer together. Wher-ever my husband and I go, my mom goes withus. It’s a given.”
Kubo, 72, said the benefit for her is that shehas enjoyed watching her grandchildren growup. The wild parties they had as teenagers didn’tbother her. She stayed in her room.
“I’d rather have them here than out some-where else,” Kubo said. “We probably wouldn’thave seen each other as much.”
The benefits for kidsFor her granddaughter, Dani Spataro, now 22
and a cosmetologist, the first year was tough.She had to change schools and didn’t knowanybody. But because her grandmother droveher to school, they became close.
Her brother, Tyson Spataro, 24, who worksin construction, will be moving back in, too,along with Danielle Mershon and their baby,Aidan Spataro, adding a fourth generation tothe mix. “They want to save money to buy theirown house, and it’s the only way they can affordto save enough,” Tami Spataro said.
“Living together has brought us all closer,”she added. “We all get along great.”
Some families create a unique living situationfor that social benefit of being together.
Every week, Joseph Dunlap, 87, spends timein two homes. Part of the week he lives in theSeal Beach home he shared with his wife of 56years until her death. Every week, he makes theone-hour hour drive north to Oak Park where
he lives from Sunday to Thursday with hisdaughter, Julie John, 48, her husband Kevin, 47,and their two sons, Aidan, 6, and Alex, 9. Dun-lap has his own room in the house.
“Shortly after my mom died, my dad realizedit was really quiet,” Julie John said. “It’s not likehe was ever used to being by himself.”
When in Seal Beach, Dunlap participates in alawn bowling club, but other than that says he isnot social. “My wife was the one who took careof that. I don’t know a lot of people,” Dunlapsaid. “I know that my daughter and her familyhave their own schedules, but I enjoy coming uphere and being with them.”
Kevin John was the one who suggested havinghis father-in-law move into their large two-story home. Kevin John’s own father had passedaway 23 years earlier and he understood theloneliness of the spouse left behind.
There have been many benefits to the ar-rangement. The boys, for instance, look for-ward to Grandpa’s weekly visit and have learnedto help him in small ways, such as by getting histhings out of the car to welcome him.
For dinnertime, the family has devised a gameto encourage conversation at a time of daywhen everyone is tired. Each person may askthree questions. Enough conversation is usuallygenerated from the first few questions.
“Aidan asked Grandpa what his favorite mov-ie was. Grandpa came up with ‘The Godfather’and the kids asked what that was. They hadnever heard of it so that was a whole discus-sion,” Julie John said.
Dunlap is no longer a guest, his daughter said.He is now responsible for Wednesday-nightdinners when she and the kids come home lateafter karate class. Dunlap also helps clean upthe kitchen, emptying the dishwasher. “It’s a
benefit for me and him. Everybody likes tocontribute and to feel needed,” Julie John said.
Although the Spataro family of FountainValley and the John family of Oak Park haveenjoyed the intimate pleasures of a larger family,sometimes a new member coming into thehouse can create stress, Mohan said.
The challengesSpace issues can cause conflict. For example,
if a teenager has to give up her room for agrandparent, there can be resentment. Holidayscan be trying when older people have certaintraditions that younger generations reject.
“Even things as simple as mashed potatoescan create a major war. Grandma likes to usebutter and sour cream, but everyone else wantsa healthier version,” Mohan said.
It can be difficult for an elderly parent, whowas once in charge, to now be reliant on thechild and to feel like a burden; or to want to give
advice, especially on child-rearing, and not haveit well-received.
“Within the same family, there can be somany different values and ideas of how to raisechildren. When you have different generationsliving under one roof, sometimes the bounda-ries get a little crossed,” Mohan said. “There hasto be dialogue and respect.”
If those adjustments are made, families livingin multigenerational households can enjoy manybenefits — stronger relationships, financialsavings, child- and elder-care support and lessloneliness, said Graham.
“We will all need to rely more on thestrengths of family ties and remember the fun-damental human characteristic of interdepend-ence,” he said. “Human beings are social animalsand are, by our deepest nature, interdependenton one another.”
Freelancer Sophia Fischer lives in Oak Park.
All in the family
PHOTO BY SUZANNE MAPES
In the Kubo-Spataro household in Fountain Valley, making dinner is a communal affair.Susie Kubo, center, gets help from Danielle Mershon, left, and Dani Spataro.
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User: dgunther Time: 06-09-2008 14:27 Product: LASENR PubDate: 06-10-2008 Zone: LA Edition: 1 Page: Y4 Color: CMYK
