Love Systems Insider: Getting Started - Attraction

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Love Systems InsiderDate: November 2009

Getting Started - Attraction

Attraction is the stage in which we get women interested in us. We create attraction. Read thatlast sentence again. We CREATE attraction. This is a fundamental difference between LoveSystems and other techniques. We were not, and are not, satisfied with simply improving ourattractiveness to women and recognizing when an individual woman is interested in us (although

this is important and we will discuss it below). Rather, one of our breakthroughs is in how we'velearned to take a woman who initially is "emotionally neutral" towards us, and relying on femalebehavioral patterns, trigger the right emotional switches that cause her to be both interested andattracted.

So, how do you start attraction? Simple, you jump straight into attraction as soon as you spot anopportunity from the opener. You don't even need to finish your opener. For example, you mighthave approached a group and asked for an opinion on something (e.g., "my friend over there, shewants to dye her hair blonde, what do you think?"). There's no value to you in an extendedconversation about your "friend's" hair. So, as soon as you can, you'll want to transition bysaying something like "hey, that reminds me..." and jump into a piece of attraction material.Attraction material can be a story, a specific conversational thread, a routine, or any othertechnique to build attraction. We discuss these more below.

Guys who are new to Love Systems often question how we can jump between unrelated piecesof material. If you approach a group of people asking about your friend's hair, and then starttelling them about something that happened to you earlier that day, you may feel that it's strangeor awkward. Trust us here (or, better still, go out and try). Most people - especially women -don't care if there is little obvious relationship between different conversational threads, as longas they are entertained. Think about a professional comedian. His or her jokes will be groupedinto certain subjects, but these subjects are rarely related. So, after a couple of jokes about, say,

airlines, he or she will tell a couple about some movie star. They're not connected, but we don'tnotice or care. We're entertained and interested. If you feel shy doing this at first, you can slip ina meaningless connector like "that reminds me..." or "that's just like when..." However, in time,you'll realize that these too are unnecessary.

To recap: the moment you change the subject from your opener to something new, you're inattraction. Now your job is to create attraction from the woman in whom you are interested.
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Two key building blocks for this are Demonstrations of Higher Value (DHVs) and Teasing.

A DHV is simply a demonstration that you are "better than the other guys." You have a highervalue than they do. Most men instinctively understand this- this is why they try to work out,dress nice, have money, achieve social status, etc. Some men will also attempt to put other mendown, so that they look better by comparison.

While this stuff helps, it's ultimately a limited strategy. First, there will always be someonebetter looking, better dressed, richer, and more successful than you. Second, the most desirable

women already have tons of guys in their lives that are sufficiently good looking, well-dressed,rich, and successful working to get their interest. It will take more than the above described towin their interest in you.

So this is where we DEMONSTRATE that we have higher value. How do we do this?

Storytelling is a crucial tool in your arsenal. You MUST learn how to entertain and keepa group's interest through the telling of a story. Good storytelling is also necessary foreffective sub-communication (the next in our list of DHVs), and is prized as a valuablesocial skill. This is why it's essential that you plan and practice your stories.

Learn how to have a good hook line (e.g., "Do drunk I love yous count?").

Learn how to leave open threads for your audience to ask about (e.g., "I was in

Japan last week, and all over Tokyo there are these machines that look like theysell soft drinks, but it's actually like 50 flavors of milk. And you don't put coins inthem, you use your cell phone to dial a drink..."). The open thread here of courseis "what were you doing in Japan?"

Learn how to seek input for your stories in "safe ways" that don't risk derailing

the intention of your story. For example, if you are telling a story about yournephew, you might start with "My 8-year old nephew Samuel did the funniestthing this morning. You like kids right? [wait for "yes" answer and then continue]

Well, anyway, so here's what happened..." LIVE the story. This is the most important principle of storytelling. If you are

telling a story about a friend's party, you have to see, hear, feel, smell, and tasteeverything that you're talking about. Express emotion. Be interested in whatyou're talking about, or there is no chance that anyone else will be. Take yournew friends on a journey with you through your story.


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Sub-communication is the crucial art of communicating something about you, without

appearing to be "trying" to communicate it. This does NOT have to be verbal. Notshowing signs of interest in a beautiful woman (yet) will sub-communicate that you haveand have had beautiful women in your life and that you are not phased by her beauty. Orit can be verbal, often combined with storytelling.

Here's an example of part of a longer story, which I've exaggerated for effect:

"My ex-girlfriend just picked me up at the airport tonight, and instead of her Audishe was driving a Maserati all of a sudden. It was too funny I tried to pretendthat I didn't notice, and then like 100 yards outside the airport, we get pulled over.She didn't tell me until afterwards that they'd just given her the car for a photoshoot she was doing, so when the cop lights came on, I was totally wonderingwhat was up. Finally, I whispered to her: "Karen, if in the last three days you'd

become a drug baron and were on the FBI hit list, you'd tell me right?"" Etc.

In that story, we learn all sorts of things about the narrator. Most of these things,

if he said them directly, would come off as bragging and would LOWER hisvalue. But instead, because he sub-communicated them instead of communicatedthem, they RAISE his value. Here's a quick list of some things that gotcommunicated:

He has an ex-girlfriend. He's not a total loser.

He is close enough to his ex-girlfriend that she would pick him up at theairport.

He has a lifestyle where he travels (he's coming from the airport).

His ex-girlfriend has an Audi. This doesn't necessarily give her a ton ofvalue, but it gives her a little bit - which gives you a bit of value byimplication.

His ex-girlfriend does photo shoots. She must be attractive.

His ex-girlfriend does the kind of photo shoots where they'd give her aMaserati for the day as part of it. She must be very attractive.

The key to sub-communication is to make it subtle. A useful pattern is to be

talking about something OTHER than what you are trying to sub-communicate.For example, in the story above, the purpose of the sub-communication is to tellthe group that you are attractive to desirable women. However, the story is aboutgetting pulled over by the police.

Use common sense and err on the side of too much subtlety, not too little. Don't

be the guy who says "So I was at my accountant's office today, trying to figureout how much in taxes I owe on the $50 million I earned last year, when hespilled orange juice on the rug. Did you know orange juice stains don't comeout?" Stay far, far, away from this.


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Also be aware of WHAT you are sub-communicating. The following things, if

sub-communicated effectively, tend to be attractive to most women:

Health

Humor

Social Intuition

Wealth

Status (especially being the leader of men)

Pre-selection (other attractive women want you)

Confidence

Challenging

Interactive DHVs

An interactive DHV is where you SHOW the group that you have higher value

through something you are doing then and there. For example, making peoplelaugh, telling them something interesting, teaching them something, or doinganything that shows that you are a cool guy is in itself a DHV.

Teasing

Teasing is a very powerful tool. You simultaneously raise your social value relative to hers,while apparently disqualifying yourself as a potential suitor for her. Guys that hit on her simplydon't do this kind of thing. She'll know it and her friends will know it. The fact that you areclearly NOT hitting on her sub-communicates several things:

It makes you a challenge. When every other guy fawns over her but you aren't won overyet, it's more fun for her to try to get your attention and 'convert' you than it is to play agame that's already won.

It gives you higher value. If you're not hitting on her, you must have other women in

your life. Perhaps these women are more attractive and desirable than her. This reflectsvery well on you.

It disarms her friends. If people in her group think you are obviously hitting on her, theymay try to pull her away or make you look bad in front of her. If you are just a cool, funguy who doesn't have any obvious interest in her, they'll be inclined to accept you, oreven help you later.


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Overdoing it can come off as hostile or arrogant, which is unattractive.

Teasing must also be delivered appropriately. Drawing too much attention to them will makethem awkward. Forcing her to react to them may make her feel defensive or shy. Teasing is bestdelivered as a sidebar conversation to whatever conversation you are currently having,preferably with someone else. For example, if you approach two women, Amy and Brandi, andyou are interested in Amy, you may be telling them both a story, and, while focusing slightlymore of your attention on Brandi, suddenly tease Amy. Without pausing to let a conversationabout this develop (and derail your original conversation) you smoothly continue with what youwere talking about before, leaving Amy feeling a little bit more insecure around you andwanting your approval, but without putting Amy on the spot and forcing her to say something

negative back to you - which would be unhelpful. Brandi, meanwhile, who is tired of standingaround while men try to seduce her more attractive friend, will approve of you more for notbeing like everyone else.

Just like opening, with attraction it is just as important to know when to leave it. Again, theanswer is "as soon as you can." A sneak preview of qualification is that you get the woman to hiton you - to win you over. Every once in a while, test to see if she's ready to do this. Ask her "so,what's your story?" or something similar and see if she starts trying to tell you good things aboutherself. If she does, you're in qualification.

ADVANCED SECTION

There is a better way to track your progress through attraction than just simply seeing if she isready to move into qualification. You should look for, and be aware of, indicators of interest(IOIs). These are things that women do when they become interested in a man. Here's anincomplete list to start with:

She reinitiates conversation when you stop talking.

She giggles.

She touches you.

She plays with / tosses her hair.

She asks you for your name or any other personal questions (e.g., age, where you live,etc.).

She disagrees with you but laughs when she does.

She compliments you on anything.


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She asks if you have a girlfriend or mentions your girlfriend, whether or not you've said

you have one.

She calls you a player or a heartbreaker.

She introduces you to her friends.

Her friends go somewhere (to the bathroom, dance floor, wherever) and she stays talkingto you.

Once you have a couple IOIs, you are definitely ready to try to move to qualification.

Another important element of attraction is timing. You can't attract and be dismissive of herforever. After a while, she might conclude that you are simply never going to be interested in her(in which case, a continued interaction would only make her feel bad about herself,unnecessarily lowering her self esteem) or that you lack the self-confidence to be open tomeeting new people. Attraction should only take a few minutes - and only in extreme cases go to20-25 minutes. After 25 minutes, if you don't have any signs of interest, you likely never will.

Also, don't confuse interest/attraction with victory. Getting someone interested is very easy.Getting someone to act on this interest is much harder. Don't be satisfied with small wins.

Resources:

Magic Bullets

Routines Manual Volume 1

Routines Manual Volume 2

Interview Series Volume 2 - Introduction to Attraction

Interview Series Volume 9 - Using & Creating Routines

Interview Series Volume 23 - Cold Reads

Interview Series Volume 24 - Jealousy Plotlines

Interview Series Volume 34 - Female Psychology

Interview Series Volume 35 - Humor

http://www.lovesystems.com/newsletters/getting-started-attraction
http://www.lovesystems.com/magic-bulletshttp://www.lovesystems.com/routines-manualhttp://www.lovesystems.com/routines-manual-2http://www.lovesystems.com/audio/vol-2-introduction-to-attraction-savoy-the-donhttp://www.lovesystems.com/audio/vol-9-using-creating-routines-the-don-savoyhttp://www.lovesystems.com/audio/vol-23-cold-reads-savoy-the-donhttp://www.lovesystems.com/audio/vol-24-jealousy-plotlines-tenmagnet-braddock-cajunhttp://www.lovesystems.com/audio/vol-34-female-psychology-savoy-soulhttp://www.lovesystems.com/audio/vol-35-humor-braddock-cajunhttp://www.lovesystems.com/newsletters/getting-started-attractionhttp://www.lovesystems.com/magic-bulletshttp://www.lovesystems.com/routines-manualhttp://www.lovesystems.com/routines-manual-2http://www.lovesystems.com/audio/vol-2-introduction-to-attraction-savoy-the-donhttp://www.lovesystems.com/audio/vol-9-using-creating-routines-the-don-savoyhttp://www.lovesystems.com/audio/vol-23-cold-reads-savoy-the-donhttp://www.lovesystems.com/audio/vol-24-jealousy-plotlines-tenmagnet-braddock-cajunhttp://www.lovesystems.com/audio/vol-34-female-psychology-savoy-soulhttp://www.lovesystems.com/audio/vol-35-humor-braddock-cajunhttp://www.lovesystems.com/newsletters/getting-started-attraction

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Love Systems Insider: Getting Started - Attraction