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Love Systems InsiderDate: December 2006

Holiday Parties - Special Tips and Tricks for the HolidaySeason

Christmas and New Year's parties are incredible occasions to meet women. Just abouteverything you could want is going in your favor. People are festive and happy. They do not

usually have work the next day. The season is about making connections and feeling close topeople. No one likes being alone over the holidays. Barriers are down. Friends introduce friendsto each other, and everyone tries to have a good time.

But be careful!

A lot of guys who aren't experienced with Love Systems techniques try to duplicate theirsuccesses in bars, coffee shops, and clubs in the same way at private parties. Don't do this! Theunderlying psychological principles of attraction work the same way, but the rhythm and contextare extremely different.

Let's start with an example. Say you're at a party where everyone knows at least one person incommon, even if it's just the host. In this situation, scripted openers may lower your status.Standing out with your extreme clothing is also often out of place. Also watch out for re-usingmaterial.

Let's compare a club to a friendly party. The aim here is not to provide an exhaustive list oftactics on how to meet women at holiday parties. That could be the subject of a book in itself.What I want to do here is give you an idea of how holiday parties are different from publicvenues where people are more likely strangers to each other. So, read this for the general flavor

as much as for the specific examples.

The first difference is how you start conversations. In clubs, the indirect opener is designed to"get you in the door" without triggering many women's automatic responses to some malestranger initiating a conversation. Approaching a woman you don't know and asking her opinionbypasses these "automatic responses" we just mentioned. Thus, by starting a conversation with acanned opener you bypass that switch and are in a conversation before she/they even realize it.

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In contrast, "Hi, I'm Nick" makes her think about whether she wants to talk to me. She has todecide if she is attracted to me already, but she hasn't learned very much about my personalityyet. This is what I call the "Am I attracted?" question (AIA) and avoiding this is a major part ofopening. So, the opener might work and she might decide that she is attracted enough tocontinue the conversation if she's friendly, thinks I'm cute, is lonely or bored, or is attracted to aguy with enough courage to approach her. However, in the back of her mind, she is already'screening.' That's why we discourage this sort of opening for beginners.

At a party where people always have people in common, everyone is expected to meet strangers.That's the point of a private party. So if I start with, "Hi, I'm Nick," I'll get "Hi, I'm Melissa" and

after a few seconds to give the conversation some momentum (establishing who we know incommon, commenting on the great view, introducing your friend, or whatever), you can startwith attraction material without activating her screening reflex.

This bears repeating: At a party there is usually no need to cut through barriers to opening. Youare supposed to talk to strangers!

Starting in mid-conversation with "Do you think it's okay to break up by text messages?" mayinitiate a conversation, but in the back of her mind she'll be wondering why I didn't introducemyself and follow social conventions. Do I not know anyone at the party and am afraid to be

found out? Am I just rude? Do I lack social skills? Of course, you don't want her thinking aboutany of these things. This is what we call Social Intuition, which is one of the inherently attractivecharacteristics for a man.

Another difference is in the dynamics between clubs and private parties. If you do not succeedwith the first couple of women you talk to at a club, it's not a big deal. Find another part of theclub, and, with luck, no one will have seen your first couple of approaches. Even if you bomb anentire club, there are more clubs. You'll never see these people again. So, you can take risks.

However, at parties there is a different dynamic. If you fail with a girl or a group, KNOW that

everyone else saw it. In fact, anything you do while in a conversation will be reported. Forexample, let's say that you start the night by talking for 10 minutes to Tanya and Peter. Let's sayI'm not very good at storytelling, so I don't get through the attraction phase and I make a badimpression. Later on, I get warmed up, and I meet Sarah. Things go much better with her. Butthen I call her the next day and she doesn't answer. What happened?

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Probably, Sarah, Peter, and Tanya have friends in common. Now Sarah hears about my earlier

rejection and that other people think of me as low value. Sarah reconsiders. Does she really wantto go out with someone else's reject? Does she really want to date a low-value guy? Does shewant to be the girl who dates the guy who other people were laughing at? Remember, not onlyTanya and Peter know this story, but their friends might too - and a lot of mutual friends wereprobably at the party in the first place! Remember - a woman's social value derives to someextent from the quality of the man she is with. It's unfair, sure, but that's life.

Don't stand out too much with your clothing at parties. Some pickup artists look great in theirunique outfits, but they probably wouldn't dress like that to go to a friend's house.

So, be a lot more careful at parties. Get along with people. Have fun. Make friends. If you spotan opportunity, go for it, but don't act like you would in a club.

Establishing social proof is vitally important in a club. A woman knows nothing about you at aclub. At most clubs, even losers can get in if they bribe the bouncer or come really early or waitforever. So, to her, you could still be anything from a loser to a celebrity.

In contrast, at a private party you have social proof. If Sarah (the girl from the previous example)is friends with Kelly, who is throwing the party, and you're friends with Kelly, then you alreadyhave lots of value. Being too obvious in demonstrating more value will feel out of place to her,or socially awkward, or make you come across as insecure or fake.

Moreover, there's an opportunity here! Let's say you're single, Sarah is single, and Kelly respectsyou as a friend. You can then ask Kelly about Sarah. That, by the way, is the way to do it. Keepthe screening frame, even with mutual friends. Don't say "I like Sarah." Say "I was talking toyour friend Sarah for a while; where do you know her from?" People will understand what youmean. Ask her what she's like. If Kelly thinks you'd be a good match - remember, especiallyover the holidays, people love setting up their friends - then she may do all of the work for you.Next thing you know, Kelly and her boyfriend might invite both you and Sarah to a concerttogether. You'll get the girl. This is how most people find their significant other.

The fundamental social skills we teach at Love Systems apply to all sorts of different situations.It's important that you can recognize the different social situations so you can apply the righttactics and techniques for getting the woman you're interested in.

Savoy

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