Making Light of Serious Stuff

8/20/2019 Making Light of Serious Stuff

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Making light of serious stuff


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They have found just a hundred cods left in the North Sea

They have searched the deep seas below,

Found a hundred cods left in the North Sea .

The count cannot be all that wrong surely

By ten deep sea divers on ten fingers ,you see.

They take no chances with their headlines

And rely on own fingers for tens and nines.

According to The Telegraph headline there are “just 100 codleft in the North Sea”.

http://goo.gl/BAOP2

http://goo.gl/BAOP2


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No doubt a standing piss is pure bliss

No doubt a piss while standing is pure bliss

And you piss sitting and be taken for a miss.

You piss standing and give it a hit or a miss

Who will clean the seat and the mess, pliss?

Is it an unnecessary form of emasculation or a reasonable

expectation of men in the modern age? The minister of

Taiwan’s Environmental Protection Administration (EPA) has

said that men should sit down when urinating.

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/taiwanese-minister-wants-men-sit-

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/taiwanese-minister-wants-men-sit-down-while-urinating-190048564.html?ucs_notif_popupsignin=1


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Dental prose

We love his purple prose for its dental excellence

Here our mother nature is a victim of gingivitis

And the writer is getting to the root of her canal.

But with so much decay ,her teeth cannot be saved.

There is not much to choose between a mum’s gums

And a loving wife’s unrelenting waves of halitosis.

A systems analyst in Canada has been honoured for his

intentionally dreadful purple prose.

Here is his winning entry:

“William, his senses roused by a warm fetid breeze, hoped it

was an early spring’s equinoxal thaw causing rivers to swell

like the blood-engorged gumlines of gingivitis, loosening

winter’s plaque, exposing decay, and allowing the seasonal pot-pouris of Mother Nature’s morning breath to permeate the

surrounding ether, but then he awoke to the unrelenting waves

of his wife’s halitosis.”

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2012/08/15/20105686.html?ci

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2012/08/15/20105686.html?cid=rssnewsweird%20news


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Will the innovating lads throw some light on this vitalarea?

Placing ad on tissue is not the real issue

But before or after? This is the main issue

We are confused, do we read it before the act

Or after it, when it will become a non-issue?

Will the innovative lads get their act together

And throw some light on this vital area?

( Two brothers from a New York City suburb have an advertisingconcept that’s on a roll — a roll of toilet paper)


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This Murrah bull is a hot favorite of Haryana cows

The murrah bull has earned big moolah for the owner

This prince of bulls is cows’ hot favorite in every manner

A dream mate for Haryana cows he is a prize bull for men

Famous for the excellent quality of his guaranteed semen

Let us all shout hurrah for this really hot bull of murrah

CHANDIGARH: This is no cock-and-bull story. A murrah bull,

Yuvraj, is a virtual money-spinner for its owner Karambir

Singh, 44, of Sunariya village in Kurukshetra. Singh claims he

has earned more than Rs 12 lakh in eight months by selling thesemen of Yuvraj.

-- h t t p : / / t i m e s o f i n d i a . i n d i a t i m e s . c o m / c i t y / c

h a n d i g a r h / T h i s - b u l l - h e l p e d - o w n e r - e a r n - R s

- 1 2 L - i n - 8 - m o n t h s / a r t i c l e s h o w / 1 2 0 7 8 3 2 5 . c m

s


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As a fine art, pen-stealing ranks higher thansword-stealing

Pen-stealing is a fine hobby for any practicing bobby

When it comes to filching , a sword is not that mighty

Haven’t we always held a pen is mightier than a sword?

Power of a sword is in fact felt less than of a writ word

More importantly, pen is easier hid in a corner cupboard.

OAK BROOK, Ill., Feb. 23 (UPI) — Illinois office supply company

Paper Mate says its national survey found 100 percent of

respondents admitted to stealing pens from colleagues.

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2012/02/23/Poll-Pens-most-stolen-in-the-

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2012/02/23/Poll-Pens-most-stolen-in-the-office/UPI-47831330037985/


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This Nefertiti daily served her hubby a lengthy spaghetti

He had nothing against his wife or her spaghetti

It was her ringing phone that got his stinky goatie

Her talk stretched so much like a lengthy spaghetti

She had been feeding him daily like queen Nefertitti

CHANDLER, Ariz., Feb. 22 (UPI) — Police in Arizona said they

arrested a man who allegedly threw spaghetti at his wife and broke

her cellphone because he didn’t like her cooking.

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2012/02/22/Police-Man-threw-spaghetti-at

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2012/02/22/Police-Man-threw-spaghetti-at-wife/UPI-73281329952001/


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date, they invite each other to head over to the pipeline,” he

informed his colleagues. It’s apparently the equivalent of being

wined and dined. And that has resulted in a tenfold caribou

population boom, he concluded.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/in-the-loop/post/louie-gohmert-best

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/in-the-loop/post/louie-gohmert-best-caribou-wingman-ever/2012/02/07/gIQAIj2dwQ_blog.html


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The bomb threat was only from a long-winded bum

Harold Hadley is not in fact a terrorist deadly

He was talking about only wind-breaking, sadly

He had no terrorist leaflets on his body and limb

Except a roll of toilet paper announcing a bomb.

It was basically a foul bomb threat from a bum

A bum can be pretty long-winded from his bum.

ELLISVILLE, MS (WDAM) –

Bond has been set for a JCJC student who was arrested for a

hand written note claiming there was a bomb on campus.

Judge Billie Graham set a $20,000 bond for Harold Wayne

Hadley Jr., 19. Hadley was arrested at his home in Seminary on

Tuesday after the note was found in a bathroom at the

industrial services building on the JCJC campus. In all, 11

agencies responded to the threat, but no bomb was found.

Officials said Hadley was arrested after they matched hishandwriting to the note, which was written on toilet paper. His

family says the word “bomb” is often used by Hadley in

reference to a bodily function and not an explosive device.

“He was in the restroom doodling on some toilet paper and I

am going to just let modesty go and tell you we are from the

country, and so he calls passing gas, bombs,” said Hadley’s

Aunt. “So, he was doodling on the toilet paper and put I passed

a bomb in the library, talking about passing gas and somebody

come in and found it, give it to the teacher that recognized his

hand writing and it blow all out of proportion.”


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In their loos the Brits can, with their morals, be quite loose

The Britons love to use their loos

To drive away all domestic blues.

It is here they can be quite loose

With their morals, stay a recluse,

Escaping from dishes with no ruse

And any other human right abuse.

According to men in Britain, the bathroom is the only place where

they can be sure of absolute privacy by hiding behind a locked door.Twenty percent said they’d been told off for taking too long and over

a third confessed they spend more time in the toilet than with their

partner.


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They promise to scream more if he comes again

Tom ,Tom ,you had cruised from far and came to our holy land

We have no clue who you are but you deserve a welcome with band

We love you for the money we have got for screaming Tom, Tom

And we promise to scream louder if you come again ,Hey Ram.

Mumbai: When Hollywood superstar Tom Cruise landed in Mumbai

he was elated to find fans teeming outside the Mumbai airport to

greet him. The star smiled and waved at his fans and got inside his

car and left for his hotel. Moments later his so called fans were paid

by a coordinator for turning up at the airport.According to a news website, around 200 people were paid Rs 150

for playing the role of screaming fans at the airport when the

Hollywood star arrived. A model coordinator had arranged for the

junior artists to play the ‘role’ of Tom’s Indian fans.

Funnily enough, most of them had no clue who Tom Cruise was.


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Yes sir, yes sir, three palms full.

The walmart guys think we are a bit dense

When it comes to our basic number sense

They do not absolutely mean any offence

As we are not brown sheep full of of wool

It makes sense to us to say three palms full

That way we grasp better their “fifteen” rule

http://desmond.yfrog.com/Himg858/scaled.php?tn=0&server=858&filena

http://desmond.yfrog.com/Himg858/scaled.php?tn=0&server=858&filename=us8b.jpg&xsize=640&ysize=640


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He often works without interruption

“As always, I work without interruption and if occasionally I happen

to look a beautiful girl in the face, it’s better to like beautiful girls

than to be gay,” he tells a meeting at a motorcycle industry show in

Milan (Berluscuni)

When it comes to pretty girls,

Berluscuni is a real workaholic

He often works without interruption

In any matter of fun and frolic.

Occasionally he looks at them In the eye as a gesture symbolic.

In widely reported wiretapped conversations, Berlusconi brags of

fending off a line of young women outside his door and “doing only

eight girls, because I couldn’t do more.”

Berlusconi is no doubt a handsome hunk mainly Who can make a sassy lassie feel pretty lonely.

Unluckily he can do girls upto a maximum of eight

Not one more humanly, weighed down heavily

You see, by many pressing matters of the state.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/11/09/us-italy-berlusconi-gaffes-idUS

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/11/09/us-italy-berlusconi-gaffes-idUSTRE7A82WX20111109


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Google is so much like wife

I know I’m not the only one who finds it irritating at times. How many

of you have been typing in your search terms and all of a sudden

Google completes the phrase for you with most “interesting” words.

I have to laugh out loud at most of them, but that will be a post for

another time. If you have any good ones, use the comment section

of this post to share them.

http://www.thecrimsoncrow.com/2011/10/dear-google/

I love this google thing which is just like our dear wife .We hardly get to complete a sentence in our whole life.

Both google and wife know what really we want to say

And suggest it helpfully as they care for us night and day.

They save our breath, with no strain on our minds, hurray.

http://www.thecrimsoncrow.com/2011/10/dear-google/


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Mid-day lunch will spoil the kids’ appetites for supper

They wanted to shape pre-schoolers into blooming red apples

A mid-day lunch would spoil their tender appetites for supper

Going hungry in between lessons would sharpen their faculty

Fed funds can be used for housing,that is a national priority.

A Staten Island couple stole at least $2.5 million in federal

funds meant for nutritious meals for preschoolers, siphoning

off the money to their own housing,

prosecutors asserted in a criminal complaint unsealed on

Friday.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/17/nyregion/couple-accused-of-stealing-

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/17/nyregion/couple-accused-of-stealing-food-money-from-red-apple-preschools.html?_r=1&src=mv&ref=general


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His hurricane reports are stinking

The reporter is a sucker for realistic reporting

When the hurricane Irene hit the Maryland coast

All of a sudden he realised that shit had hit him

As an angry sea roared and poured raw sewage.

Not to be outdone,he called it just organic matter

It doesn’t taste great ,says he, in friendly chatter.

http://www.myfoxny.com/dpp/news/fox-reporter-gives-update-covered-in-

http://www.myfoxny.com/dpp/news/fox-reporter-gives-update-covered-in-sea-foam-20110827?yuck


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Mahatma Gandhi was so poor he had no money for salt

Mahatma Gandhi was so poor that he had no money for salt

Gandhi had to walk all the way to Dandi to collect free salt

So poor was Mr. Gandhi, he had to walk barefoot on asphalt

With no money to travel from Sabarmati to Dandi, what a jolt!

Coming from indigent circumstances was surely not his fault

This must be borne in mind by every patriot worth his salt.

MK Gandhi lead the Dandi march for what main reason?

Lack of salt – Kedar Bhatia, Ruia College (Mumbai) Gandhiji wanted to collect clothes – Nitin Rao, SIES College

(Mumbai)

The result of a quiz conducted recently among college

students on the occasion of India’s Independence day.The

ignorance of the country’s history is hilarious.Or was that

deliberate act of modern day cynicism?

Mahatma Gandhi had led India’s struggle for independence

against the British and as part of the non-cooperation

movement he launched the salt satyagraha i.e.marching to the

sea shore at Dandi to make salt to protest against the

imposition of the salt tax by the British government.

http://www.indiancolleges.com/campus-stories/buzz/Indiancolleges/Sonia

http://www.indiancolleges.com/campus-stories/buzz/Indiancolleges/Sonia-Gandhi-is-grand-daughterinlaw-of-MK-Gandhi/543


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They have a right to post lewd pictures

Thank God our kids’ democratic rights are protected

And no moral depravity on the part of the girls detected

Their right now stands vindicated to post pictures lewd

It ensures their academic growth ,enhancing their mood.

Fort Wayne – A federal court judge has ruled that an Indiana

school district has violated the First Amendment rights of two

teenage girls who were barred from participating in

extracurricular activities after posting lewd pictures online

taken at a summer sleepover.

http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/310494



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Fitch upgrades standards of poor to rich

America is triple A once again after an anxious week

The S&P guys were not right to rate its future bleak

They had found the country’s fundamentals rather week.

Luckily the Fitch guys are nice fellas with positive views

Their outlook is stable ,beating S&P in blacks and blues.

They have restored the triple A ,the nice guys from Fitch

America is richie-rich again, in this switch from Fitch

God’s there in heaven ,all’s right with it, not a hitch,

Truly a stitch in time ,upgrading by Fitch by a notch.

Else, on its fair name there would be such a big blotch.

(Reuters) – Fitch Ratings said on Tuesday it affirmed the

United States’ top-notch credit rating at AAA, giving the

world’s largest economy a reprieve after it was downgraded by

Standard & Poor’s little more than a week ago.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/08/16/us-usa-rating-fitch-idUSTR

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/08/16/us-usa-rating-fitch-idUSTRE77F3B320110816


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The red dress folk are on beer runs for social redress

The red-dress folk are on beer runs for social redress

Just a drinking club with a running problem,God bless

They merely like to drink and sing bawdy songs on beer

They are not here to oggle goggle-eyed girls or to leer

But only to do some good in charity and spread cheer.

“The Harriers, who style themselves as a “drinking club with a

running problem, ” have recruited thousands of guest runners,

walkers and layabouts to wiggle into crimson gowns and make

their way from bar to bar in the French Quarter and FaubourgMarigny on Saturday.

Now in its 17th year, the New Orleans Red Dress Run has

soared in popularity since its debut, growing from an initial

field of about a dozen to a sprawling romp that draws

participants from as far away as Chicago. About 7,500 men and

women registered for the 2010 event, raising close to $200,000for charity. Proceeds were divided among 50 local nonprofit

organizations”

http://www.nola.com/drink/index.ssf/2011/08/new_orleans_dress_run

http://www.nola.com/drink/index.ssf/2011/08/new_orleans_dress_run_a_beer-f.html


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Her legs are for your eyes only

They are no sluts but have a leg or two for guys

God has given women legs to show and men two eyes

Just to see and admire them to say how really nice

But remember, their pretty legs will not be spread.

Men should stick to their eyes only, and not be misled

If upto funny business ,they will be red and dead.

Controversy’s favourite child – Poonam Pandey – sure knows

how to steer a storm. Hot on the heels of turning down amulti-crore offer to strip on national television, Poonam has

decided to champion the cause of women through a Slut Walk

in Mumbai in September.

What encouraged her to take on the cause was the alarming

rate of crimes against women. Rapes, eve-teasing, molestation,

have been on the rise in most cities across the country. Andeach time for some reason or the other, the woman is blamed

for the crime.

“It’s almost like the woman was at fault that she was raped.

How can we let such heinous crimes go unpunished and berate

the victim instead for it,” said Poonam.

Seeing an urgent need to organise and support the cause of

the Slut Walk, the leggy lass volunteered to lead the march in

September.


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“This is the first time that I am supporting a cause and it’s high

time that people come forward and voice their opinions against

the atrocities against women,” she says. She adds, “Showing

my legs doesn’t mean I will spread them. God gave women

legs, so we show them off. God gave men eyes to see, so

please stick to that!”

http://www.sify.com/news/poonam-pandey-to-show-off-her-legs-on-a

http://www.sify.com/news/poonam-pandey-to-show-off-her-legs-on-a-slut-walk-news-national-liirNcbdcbf.html


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The grammar man will be after you, tongs and hammer

He is no jungle outlaw nor a spiderman in his gear

Nor even a flying superman in his blue underwear.

He is the grammar man who can strike everywhere

On toilet walls or bandstands, wherever you dare

To commit grave murders of the language, beware

You graffitti louts ,watch your spelling and grammar

Grammar man will be after you ,tongs and hammer.

A MYSTERY superhero is leading the fight on graffiti louts heaccuses of MURDER – of the English language.

Grammar Man wields his white marker pen to correct misspelt

scrawls and criticise the writers.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3736999/Mystery-super

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3736999/Mystery-superhero-leads-fight-on-louts-he-accuses-of-MURDER-of-the-English-language.html


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Putting it all away for Putin

Mr.Putin’s army of young girls looks barmy

With fewer clothes ” put in” on their bodies

They are not bein’ smarmy, the harmless ladies

It is an emotional thin’, a matter of believin,

That for Russia’s future Putin is the best thin’,

Strippin for Putin’s election win is not much sin;

A bikini car wash is the right thin’ for his win.

Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin is currently

contemplating a run for a third presidential term ahead ofelections in March of 2012, and the stoic authoritarian has an

interesting support-building team in his corner. Attempting to

mobilize votes through sex appeal, a group of nubile young

women called “Putin’s Army” has formed around a Russian

social-networking site called V Kontakte. Earlier this month,

“Putin’s Amazons,” as they’ve been dubbed by Russian media,

shot a racy video in which they stripped in support of their guy.

Following that stunt, Army members showed their devotion by

offering free bikini car washes outside of a Moscow State

University building.

http://www.nerve.com/news/tv/watch-awkward-exchange-between-n

http://www.nerve.com/news/tv/watch-awkward-exchange-between-news-anchors-after-watching-scantily-clad-russian-girls-wash-cars


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When media moguls are in trouble, it is the wifey whosaves their lifey

When you marry, you should marry a Chinese woman. In

times of danger, she will act,” added Loulan Loulan.

When trouble brews for media moghuls in shaving cream

While taking hacking blame in the Commons , it would seem

It is the wifey who saves their lifey, in a manner most hi-fi.

When you marry , surely a Chinese woman you should marry.

When a hacking scandal is murky you will cut a figure sorry

And ducking shaving pie becomes a front page media story.

Wendi, who came from middle-class China to marry one of the

world’s most powerful media moguls, gave a dramatic

stand-by-your-man display. She was dubbed ‘Smack Down

Sister’ on Chinese websites.

The Yale University business school graduate, yoga devoteeand former News Corp employee reacted faster than anyone

else seated around Murdoch, including his son James, when

the incident took place.

The hearing in the News of the World phone hacking case by a

British parliamentary panel was interrupted by a man throwing

a shaving-cream pie at her 80-year-old husband.

She sprang from her seat behind her husband to smack the

assailant, in a scene witnessed by millions around the world on

television on Tuesday.


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Shedding clothes for the amazing Putin is not much of asin

Shedding clothes in Russia is not just routine

And when they are gladly shed for the amazing Putin

It is a different thin’ , when likely bringin’ a lucky win

Of a gleamin’ i-pad and is surely not much of a sin.

MOSCOW – Young Russian women are being urged to shed

their clothes as a way of showing support for their Prime

Minister Vladimir Putin, The Independent reported Monday.

Read more:

http://www.myfoxdc.com/dpp/news/offbeat/russian-women-urged-to

http://www.myfoxdc.com/dpp/news/offbeat/russian-women-urged-to-get-naked-in-support-of-putin-ncxdc-071811#ixzz1SXx9ODqN


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Remember you cannot have sex with someone unlessthey are wide awake!

.

The Navy has always a thing or two to tell us about sex

Often we do not take enough precautions and become lax.

The Navy tells us you can have sex only with some one awake

Do not ,therefore, try it with a sleeping partner for God’s sake.

Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are

awake!”-A tip on sexual assault prevention by the U.S.Navy in its

Facebook page

Read more:

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2011/07/15/facebook-poster-on-sex

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2011/07/15/facebook-poster-on-sexual-assault-has-navy-revamping-its-message/#ixzz1SFKugx7M


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Mumbai blasts are not on account of intelligencefailure,but lack of transparency on the part of the terrorists

We can’t pin the blame for Mumbai blasts on intelligence

failure

Our intelligence guys are doing a splendid job, we are very

sure

Whoever had done the dastardly job worked very clandestinely

We hold them solely responsible for their lack of transparency.

“Whoever planned this attack worked in a very, very

clandestine manner,” he told reporters Thursday morning. “It’snot a failure of intelligence.”-

India’s Home Minister on the recent Mumbai blasts


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The spelling bee has left its sting on our copy editor

The seventh grader winds her spelling bee to our copy editor’s

glee

Seventh-grader girls wind their bees a lot, though it is rather

silly

It looks like the bee has left its sting on our copy editor

permanently.

An AP story with the headline :7th grader winds National

Spanish spelling bee

http://apple.copydesk.org/2011/07/10/why-the-associated-press-need

http://apple.copydesk.org/2011/07/10/why-the-associated-press-needs-a-copy-editor/


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They have googled for the information about scorpionbites:meanwhile the gentleman will please enjoy a nice

flight

Scorpion-bites are poisonous and risky on our flights

And they could even turn fatal as they show in movies

In Alaska our knowledge of scorpions is only skin-deep

Not to worry,we have already googled for the information

As we get to know it we shall arrange for medical help

Meanwhile the gentleman will please enjoy a nice flight.

All Jeff Ellis could do was wait as he sat terrified 9,000 metres

in the air staring at the wriggling scorpion that stung him on a

flight to Alaska.

He repeated to himself that a doctor said he’d be fine —

probably.

Ellis first had to wait 30 minutes to see whether he succumbed

to anaphylactic shock

http://www.thestar.com/news/world/article/1018048–snakes-on-a-pla

http://www.thestar.com/news/world/article/1018048%E5%B3%AEakes-on-a-plane-not-man-stung-by-scorpion-on-u-s-flight


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Curry can boost male sex drive by 28%

If your nightly performance is below par, do not at all worry

To work up your appetites,we have a special, hot and spicy

curry

Guaranteed to boost your libido and make your life really

merry.

The lowly fenugreek is, not Latin and Greek even for a

“die-hard” geek

When the fenu is on your menu ,love’s prospects are not all that bleak.

Brisbane – Looking to spice up your sex life? New research

has found that fenugreek – a herb often used in curries –can

increase male sex drive by 28 percent.




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Don’t fret if you are in the Turkish prison :On the brighterside it has the fastest internet in Euroasia

You must thank your stars if you find yourself in a Turkish

prison

The prison may not feel as cosy as a Turkish bath and as

steamy

But OMG the internet here is the fastest in Eurasia of this

season

You can view the best porn in a jiffy, and feel really,really

horny.

Turkish Prison: The Bright Side

Claire Berlinski,

This place has the best, fastest Internet access I’ve found in

Eurasia. Thumbs-up, Silivri! Between that and the pretty views

of the Turkish countryside, I’m pretty happy in this parking lot.

http://ricochet.com/main-feed/Turkish-Prison-The-Bright-Side

http://ricochet.com/main-feed/Turkish-Prison-The-Bright-Side


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Even Shakespeare will fail to get admission in this college

Our proud college admits only those who have secured a

minimum of 100% marks

So high are their standards that Shakespeare will be classed as

one of the dorks

We are sure that in English grammar and literature the bard

would have plunked

And incurred a shortfall of one or two marks in 100%, due to a

few classes bunked.

New Delhi: Taking a dig at the 100 percent cut-off at a DelhiUniversity college, Communist Party of India Marxist (CPI-M)

leader Sitaram Yechury said Wednesday even Shakespeare

would not get 100 percent if he were to write an exam today.

‘Even if Shakespeare were to come back and give an English

exam today, he will not score 100 percent,’ Yechury said.


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The worst is behind us

The minister says he has now solved the crisis of E-coli

He states that the worst is already behind us and hopefully

The damn thing is not in our behind, stealthily, illegally.

London : Germany’s Health Minister Daniel Bahr said on

Tuesday there was reason to be cautiously optimistic that an

outbreak of a deadly new strain of E.coli that has killed 23

people had peaked.

“There are some arguments suggesting the worst is behind

us,” Bahr also said, adding the rate of new infections hadslowed.


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Bin laden (with grain) collapses

A bin laden with many bushels of grain crashed in Altush

Between the bearded bin with the gun and this metal one

There is nothing much that is common except some jaded pun

It is just that one concerns the bushels, the other a bush.

A bin containing 268,000 bushels of grain collapsed Sunday at

Humphreys Co-Op in Altus, but nobody was injured in the

incident.


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39

He sold a kidney for an I-pod

He has sold his kidney for a gleaming I-pod to impress dames

He still has another one for a home theater and some fine

games

With no kidneys he will then not be disturbed by frequent leaks

He will have time to do texting, twitter and other things of

geeks .

( A boy in China has sold off his kidney to buy an I-pod)


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40

He swallows bribes and then swallows documents

We do not hide our money in the deep pockets of our coats

We love our bribes and our stomach is full with currency notes

Yet we are gluttons for more and soon our stomach bloats

If they catch us we swallow whole documents in our throats.

What do you do if you’re a government official and you’ve been

caught red-handed with incriminating documents? Well eat

them up. Atleast that’s what an executive engineer working

with the Public Works Department in Jaipur did.

Read more at:

http://www.ndtv.com/video/player/news/engineer-swallows-documen

http://www.ndtv.com/video/player/news/engineer-swallows-documents-after-being-caught-red-handed/200598?cp


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41

We have now to honor all our IOU’s as the world is aliveand ticking

It is now six P.M. and we are all still there

Our radio-stations blare in the orange glare.

Our creditors are asking their money back

All our IOUs will hold, in white and black.

It looks this sinful world is still there, alas,

Creditors will not now let their chance pass.

The world ,it seems, did not end on the 21 st,May,2011 ,as the

Rapturists had predicted. We have to re-pay all our credit carddebt after all.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/05/21/us-apocalypse-prediction-i

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/05/21/us-apocalypse-prediction-idUSTRE74I3KS20110521


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42

We are all wirelessly tethered

In our company we are all wirelessly tethered

Within a blue-tooth distance of yards and twenty

Our human faculties are already much-withered

Luckily we have our bird-brained tweets aplenty

To kill office time that hangs on us , quite heavy

Secured by a strong rope we do not wander away

In these days of utter lack of personal security.

Companies such as Intel have experimented with tactics to

persuade workers to use technology less and keep themselvesfresh, Powers says. But tricks such as no-e-mail Fridays

haven’t helped, he says.

“We really have managers captured 24/7,” says Mike Brezner,

uSamp senior vice president. “We’re all tethered — wirelessly

tethered.”

http://www.azcentral.com/business/articles/2011/05/18/20110518Tec

http://www.azcentral.com/business/articles/2011/05/18/20110518Tech-distractions-for-workers-add-up-to-millions.html#ixzz1Mm31bPgy


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43

Dollars are not legal tender in God’s heaven

We h ave spent our life’s savings on the apocalypse message

Of what use is this money after we all go, from town and village

The world is truly going to end on the 21 st , this May at dusk

We can spend every cent of ours before that without any risk

Thereafter it is all rapture for us and our brethren in God’s

heaven

Where the system is barter and dollars are surely no legal

tender.

The dedicated followers of Harold Camping have spent theirsavings to spread the message.

Before joining Harold Camping’s Family Radio, Guy Von

Harringa was an atheist attending the University of California,

San Diego. Today he spends what he says will be his last week

on Earth co-ordinating an international outreach campaign

from the small two-storey headquarters of Family Radio inOakland, Calif.

Von Harringa is just one of the many devotees who have

thrown their life savings on the line to warn the world of the

upcoming Rapture on May 21. The humble organization has

posted billboards around the world and placed billions of ads

online. As a result, the unconventional claim has received

unprecedented attention.

http://www.themarknews.com/articles/5220-advertising-the-apocalyp

http://www.themarknews.com/articles/5220-advertising-the-apocalypsehttp://www.themarknews.com/articles/5220-advertising-the-apocalypse


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44

Tattoos on employees should be treated as part of thecompany’s branding strategy

We love tattoos on our employees as they are nice and

sprightly

We do not understand why some employers find them

unsightly

The designs are really pretty and guys deserve their jobs

rightly

We feel tattoos should be part of the company’s “branding”

strategy.

(A news report says that in order to help reduce unemployment

the government may consider reimbursing the jobless with the

cost of erasing tattoos from their bodies, to make them

acceptable to employers)




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45

The university takes care of all their needs

Our university takes care of our education needs well

They also look after our physical needs equally well

When we become drunk and we puke and piss in flowerpots

Our peers lovingly baby-sit us and get us out of the hots.

CAMBRIDGE, England — Britain’s elite University of

Cambridge was offering to pay sober students to “babysit”

drunk undergraduates Tuesday at balls and garden parties

held on campus.

Read more: h t t p : / / w w w . n y p o s t . c o m / p / n e w s / i n

t e r n a t i o n a l / u n i v e r s i t y _ o f _ c a m b r i d g e _ p a y

s _ s t u d e n t s _ B D Q l c U P J p S G y 0 e X z N d P 6 g M # i

x z z 1 M 1 I o Q E Y f


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46

Borrowing dulls the edge of his husbandry

Baron Guttenberg is not the famous printer-inventor of his

country

But another famous doctor and copy-paste master of this

century

Who swears by the wisdom of the masters buried in the

internet

With a deft hand at lifting blocks of others’ text with ease ,you

bet.

Mr Guttenberg, a baron, was one of the most popular ministers

in Chancellor Angela Merkel’s cabinet and tipped by some as a

future German leader.

But he came under pressure after a Bremen University law

professor began reviewing his thesis with the aid of the

internet.

Allegations arose that he had lifted a passage from a

newspaper article word-for-word, and included a paragraph

from the US embassy’s website without attribution.

Upon further scrutiny, it was claimed more than half of the

475-page thesis featured large sections borrowed from others’

work.

The scandal led to the minister being nicknamed Baron

Cut-and-Paste, Zu Copyberg and Zu Googleberg by the


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48

Luckily he did not call the city shitty

The planner did not have much praise for this hot city

Coming from the city planner that sure is a great pity

In tweets he called it an arm-pit, a thing that is sweaty

But luckily he did not call it shitty to sound more witty.

The Lufkin Daily News reports that Cantrell tweeted in March,

“Lufkin is an armpit.” Months before, he tweeted, “Just waiting

for the heat to leave for good. Of course, Deep East Texas will

still be a (expletive) hole.”

http://www.newschannel10.com/Global/story.asp?S=14536112

http://www.newschannel10.com/Global/story.asp?S=14536112


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50

The fed chief gave his high-performance speech

Luckily ,the Fed chief is at his usual vague best in his brief

He delivered his brief without emotion,to our utter relief.

We surely can do with some nice jargon and high fundas.

But we wish him a nice sabbatical in walking shoes of Adidas

In the pacific islands where he can polish his next speech

And impress the natives with his florid skills on the beach .

WASHINGTON – The script was repetitive. The lines were

delivered without emotion. There wasn’t even a twist.The reviews for Federal Reserve chief Ben Bernanke’s unusual

press conference Wednesday would have sunk a Hollywood

blockbuster. As the head of the famously vague central bank,

though, he nailed it.

“I would give the chairman high grades for his performance

today,” said Dana Saporta, an economist at Credit Suisse. “I

was a little relieved.”


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51

She forgot to put on her pants

Cindy struck a mighty pose for the spring Vogue

She had managed that with absolutely no fatigue

The pretty Cindy did that just with a cool undie

But in a hurry forgot her pants, isn’t it a pity?

Cindy Crawford has set a spring trend on Vogue Mexico”s May

issue by striking a mighty pose without her pants on.

The 45-year-old supermodel is seen wearing a black bustier, astudded leather motorcycle jacket and a pair of black panties,

reports the New York Daily News.

http://www.samachar.com/Cindy-Crawford-goes-pantless-for-Vogue-

http://www.samachar.com/Cindy-Crawford-goes-pantless-for-Vogue-le1sNfbcghb.html


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52

But sir, we did it only two hours ago!

The P.M. has been, on the table, extremely busy

Doing business with secretary in confidentiality.

He was getting old ; she would jog his memory

But sir, it was only two hours ago we had done it!

It is not true that he has forgotten about the last time

Or that his memory has turned itsy-bitsy lately.

These serious matters cannot simply wait, you see.

Controversial Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has been

filmed making a lewd joke about his secretary.

Berlusconi, who is facing a charge of paying a 17-year-old for

sex, cracked the lewd joke while being interviewed – before

asking the media persons to make it off the record.

The billionaire tycoon was asked to recall the best manager to

lead AC Milan, the Italian football club he is president of. “LookI am getting old. This morning I was chasing my secretary to

do her on the table and she said: ‘Prime Minister we only did it

two hours ago.’ So you see my memory is going,” the Daily

Mail quoted him as saying in the film.

http://www.hindustantimes.com/entertainment/tabloid/Berlusconi-jo

http://www.hindustantimes.com/entertainment/tabloid/Berlusconi-jokes-about-doing-secretary-on-table/Article1-688746.aspx


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53

Be determined and get pregnant

If you are not getting pregnant do not lose heart

But keep at it again and again and do your part

Getting pregnant is indeed both a science and an art

Remember it does not always happen in an instant

Especially if your boy friend is generally reluctant

In the end it is sheer grit that makes you pregnant.

At the launch of fertility specialist Dr Firuza Parikh’s book The

Complete Guide to Becoming Pregnant, movie director Farah

Khan said that the key to becoming pregnant is to bedetermined — and not complain.


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54

The defense is now much weaker

When we say we welcome the weaker sex

We don’t mean women are not the strong ones

In our homes it is they who wear the pants.

We are merely saying our sex is so much weaker

In view of the Board’s advanced age profile .

The chairman of French defense company Safran hailed the

arrival of the “weaker sex” on the company’s board Thursday

— triggering accusations of sexism from France’s best-knownshareholder activist.

http://in.reuters.com/article/2011/04/21/us-safran-sexism-idINTRE73

http://in.reuters.com/article/2011/04/21/us-safran-sexism-idINTRE73K56V20110421


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55

We take our liberty seriously

We have gone to extremes in our obsession with liberty, lately

We have recently shifted our liberty lady to Vegas, in our

philately.

The lady now beckons tourist gamblers to a casino, intimately.

A new stamp issued by the US postal service meant to depict

Lady Liberty in fact features a replica which is mounted

outside New York Hotel in Las Vegas.

Three billion of the 44-cent, first class stamps have been

issued showing a close-up of the world famous statue’s head.The image however is not of the original in New York’s Liberty

Island but the half-sized model based outside a casino in Las

Vegas.

Read more:

[http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/305693#ixzz1JpwMRxwe]

http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/305693#ixzz1JpwMRxwe]


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56

It is wrong to say he is sleeping through the President’sbudget speech

We love our president’s speeches that call for deep thought

His scholarly budget speeches inspire all of us quite a lot

Yes we can ,says our dear president, balancing our budget.

When his speech is finished the gaping deficit is totally met.

Slowly ,we open our eyes to clap in thunderous applause.

Biden was caught sleeping on camera as US President Barack

Obama was delivering his speech at the George WashingtonUniversity Wednesday.

Read more:

http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/305654#ixzz1Jh5RnuQV

http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/305654#ixzz1Jh5RnuQV


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57

Patriotic models going nude will boost sportsmen’sperformances

Patriotic models going nude before sportsmen boosts

Their morale and improves their performance,on-field

And off-field as well , with a therapeutic effect on them .

Our foreign exchange earnings will go up significantly-

Indeed a novel way to shore up the country’s image.

Similar patriotic performances can be planned to boost

Our lackluster performances in the Olympics events .

Young model Poonam Pandey has sure got a lot of mediaattention as well as lucrative offers from international

magazines that want her to pose naked. The aspiring actress,

who has grabbed headlines for stating that she will bare all if

Team India wins the World Cup, has been flooded with offers

from foreign glossies. But she has rejected them saying she

will strip only for the Indian team.

On Friday she sent an official letter to the board, saying going

naked for the team would have a “therapeutic” effect on Team

India and help them win.In the letter, she wrote: “..I want India

to win the Cricket World Cup 2011 and am willing to go the

extra mile to do anything so that India wins the World Cup. I am

ready and willing at any place and time of the Indian teams

choosing to go in the nude to boost their sporting spirit to

perform better.

http://www.hindustantimes.com/poonam-s-bare-only-for-team-india/

http://www.hindustantimes.com/poonam-s-bare-only-for-team-india/article1-680884.aspxhttp://www.hindustantimes.com/poonam-s-bare-only-for-team-india/article1-680884.aspx


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58

We kick our balls right into men’s hearts

Proud of our lingerie football we do not mind not getting paid

We kick our balls right into men’s hearts ,when sparsely clad

We reach our goals faster , with much less money on clothes.

Toronto – The Lingerie Football League (LFL) is busting into

the city of Toronto for the upcoming 2011 season. Women, who

are unpaid, wear lingerie and protective gear and play

American football, much to the delight of men everywhere.

Read more: [ h t t p : / / w w w . d i g i t a l j o u r n a l . c o m / a r t i c l e / 3 0 5 6 1 9 # i x z z 1 J b O P I a f g ]


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59

Pen is flightier than State

President Claus is no Santa Claus come with gifts for Chilean

kids

A nice pen was too much of a temptation for the itching

presidential pockets

Ho,ho, he would say , I would pocket this pen nicely when

nobody is looking

As for Christmas gifts I shall bring them for your kids in the

next season.

Czech President Vaclav Klaus has become a global internet

sensation after he was caught on tape stealing a pen during a

state visit to Chile.

A video of Czech president Vaclav Klaus ‘pocketing’ a

ceremonial pen encrusted with semi-precious Lapis Lazuli

stones during a visit to Chile has gone viral. The video whichwas aired by Czech broadcaster eská televize

shows the President sheepishly pocketing a pen and closing

the pen box to cover his tracks during a press conference with

Chilean President Sebastián Piñera. The video clip has been

viewed by more than 4 million people in 5 days.

Read more: [ h t t p : / / w w w . d i g i t a l j o u r n a l . c o m / a

r t i c l e / 3 0 5 6 5 5 # i x z z 1 J b F s u h 8 Q ]


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60

Think out of the box

She paints your loved one’s memorial portraits in their remains

“You must think out of the box” ,in black humor she explains.

Raven Collins puts her heart and other people’s souls into her

art.

The 37-year-old Thonotosassa artist has been sketching for

more than 15 years, specializing in detailed hand-drawn

portraits. Nowadays, most of her commissioned work

incorporates an unusual ingredient: Cremated remains —ashes — brushed right into the portrait.

http://www2.tbo.com/content/2011/apr/04/PMENEWSO1-loved-ones-l

http://www2.tbo.com/content/2011/apr/04/PMENEWSO1-loved-ones-live-on-in-art


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62

They prefer hot water bottles

The Brits are not all that romantic

And to the fairer sex,often phlegmatic

They rather prefer hot water bottles

Often found useful for pains rheumatic.

A new study by the psychologist Professor Richard Wiseman

claims that British men are less likely to make romantic

gestures than men from other parts of the world — in fact, they

are less likely to pay compliments, be inspired to write love

poetry or take their loved ones away for surprise holidays thantheir foreign counterparts.


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63

Bum truth

For a year he has not spoken a single lie

But when it comes to the wife’s bum

He could neither speak the “big” lie

Nor keep mum: one does not know why.

A Swansea man is about to complete a year without telling a lie

– but admits he came unstuck when his wife asked: “Does my

bum look big in this?”

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_3185840.html?menu=news.

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_3185840.html?menu=news.quirkies


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64

Lloyds is not pants

”

The man chose as password “Lloyds is pants”

But Lloyds is not the one who wore the pants.

A man who chose “Lloyds is pants” as his telephone banking

password said he found it had been changed by a member of

staff to “no it’s not


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65

Nuns need not be old and sad looking

Nuns need not be old and sad looking

They can be beauty queens as well

Walking the ramp instead of the aisle.

A Catholic priest is staging the first ever beauty contest – for

nuns.


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66

Nicked male

Naturist Nick Male will do your painting in the buff

Besides painting some really exciting naked stuff .

A Lincolnshire naturist by name “Nick Male” has launched

Britain’s first naked painting and decorating service


66/106

67

When the mood is not right he cheers himself up bysetting cars on fire

This man is a stripper by night, when in a sprightly mood

Other times he cheers himself up by setting a few cars on fire.

A male stripper is being investigated as a suspected spy after

setting fire to a car “to cheer himself up”.


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68

A penis is not a mere appenage but is a whole state ofmind

The surgeon has unjustly severed

His penis which is worth a fortune

A penis is not a mere appendage

But is a whole state of mind,you know.

A court has ordered a surgeon to pay $795,000 in

compensation to a patient whose penis he accidentally severed

during an

operation.“You don’t have to be an expert to realize that the 33-year-old

victim does

not have a good state of mind,” said the victim’s lawyer.”


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69

A chronic case of “guestritis”

This honored guest has talked for 30 hours without break

Her friend is sick with chronic “guestritis”,what the heck.

“A desperate German woman finally called emergency services

to rescue her after a friend visited her and talked for 30 hours

straight, authorities said Tuesday.”


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70

Stealing a thong was not such a wrong thing but stealing atearaway pants is rather too much

It was not such a wrong thing to steal a thong

But snitching tearaway pants is entirely wrong.

“AUSTRALIAN male strip review The Thunder From Down

Under has had to cancel parts of its US tour because they’ve

got nothing to wear after their van was stolen.

The strippers were in Annapolis, Maryland, on Friday night

when the van went missing.

The van contained thousands of dollars of equipment,

costumes and merchandise and the strippers have promised a

US$5000 ($5230) reward to whoever can help them get it back.

“They were shocked,” said Bradford Singh, a manager at the

Ram’s Head Tavern where the troupe had been performing,told the Annapolis Capital.

“Maybe it was one of the ladies who just wanted a thong.”

Annapolis Police Department officer Hal Dalton spoke with a

representative of the group about the missing items, the

Annapolis Capital reported.

“It was kind of humorous. She said there were costumes,

equipment and the merchandise they sell on tour. But she

wondered what anyone would want with tear-away pants,” he


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71

said.”


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73

An Aussie man went for his peaceful roadside leak

An Aussie man went for a peaceful roadside leak

Lurking,alas, was a snake waiting to bite his dick.

A man had a shock in Australia when a deadly snake bit his

penis during a roadside toilet break.”


http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2873859.html?menu=news


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74

There was nothing else available within reach

An angry mom hit her lazy son with a meat cleaver

There was nothing else available within easy reach.

OCALA – Brenda Hecht said she’s tired of her son’s behavior.

She said her 18-year-old son, Chamborg Hecht, hasn’t worked

for four months and sleeps all day. And when she goes to work

at night, she said he plays video games until she returns home.


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75

The brainy chicks are not much fun in the bed,rain or heat

For the sexy babes the brain takes the back seat

The brainy ones are not fun in the bed ,rain or heat

Finally we sacrifice gray matter and settle for the meat.

“BRAINY babes find it harder to have an orgasm – because

they are too busy thinking, a study claims.

The German survey found that the more educated a woman

was, the less likely it was that she would be satisfied by sex.”

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article1090275.ece

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article1090275.ece


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76

Beer thou art and unto beer shalt thou return

Beer lover Bill Bramanti loves Pabst Blue Ribbon permanently

Beer thou art and unto beer shalt thou return,saith he biblically

He made a custom made beer can casket for his final journey.

“SOUTH CHICAGO HEIGHTS, Ill. (AP) – Bill Bramanti will love

Pabst Blue Ribbon eternally, and he’s got the custom-made

beer-can casket to prove it.”


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77

Vinny the mobster is verily the pulchritudinous friendster

Vinny mobster is very gorgeous, but inside the prison Vinny

who ?

These days Vinny the poo practices his sharp-shooting in

prison loo

Vinny is now a great scholar ,both pulchritudinous and

platitudinous

He tells his son do’s and don’t s and has hobbies truly

multitudinous.

NEW YORK (AP) – He’s known as Vinny Gorgeous, butconvicted mob boss Vincent Basciano might want to trade up

to Vinny Photogenic or Vinny Pulchritudinous.


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78

They have used their bared bottom instead of a C.D.Rom

The Lacross team liked to invite this lovely lass for the school

prom

For the invite they have used their bared bottom instead of a

C.D.Rom.

“ANN ARBOR, Mich.—Thirteen members of a high school

lacrosse team have been disciplined for baring their bottoms

on which was written a prom invitation from one player to a

girl.”


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79

Jack landed him in Jail

The lawyer suggested to the judge just a simple jack off

procedure

His defense was strong but it was the Jack which landed him in

Jail.

“AUSTIN, Texas (AP) – A flick of the wrist has landed an Austin

lawyer in jail for contempt of court. A judge sentenced defense

attorney Adam Reposa to 90 days in jail on Tuesday for making

a lewd gesture and simulating masturbation while standing

before a County Court-at-Law judge in March.”

Judge sentences lawyer to 90 days for lewd gesture

https://hasya.wordpress.com/2008/04/18/jack-landed-him-in-jail/Judgesentenceslawyerto90daysforlewdgesture


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80

The brides you meet on the internet are actually grooms

This farmer from Germany had picked up his pretty bride on

the net

On his first night she was actually a whiskered man in her

pants.

“A German farmer who married a woman he met on the internet

has asked for the marriage to be annulled after finding out

’she’ was a he.”

Ananova – Lonely farmer’s wedding night letdown

https://hasya.wordpress.com/2008/04/18/the-brides-you-meet-on-the-internet-are-actually-grooms/Ananova-Lonelyfarmer%E0%B3%B7eddingnightletdown


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81

You have to believe the story as it came straight from thehorse’s arse

In Tampa they booked a man for whacking a horse in its arse

It is no surprise the whacking happened in Ybor at unearthly

hours

You have to believe the story as it came straight from the

horse’s arse .

TAMPA – Police arrested a Lakeland man early this morning on

charges that he punched a police horse in the rear end.

It should be no surprise the incident occurred about 3:15 a.m.in Ybor City.

The Tampa Police Department report said the officer and horse

were clearing the street and sidewalks in the 19th Street area of

Seventh Avenue.Carl Coward, 24, of 111 Hodges Road,

Lakeland, balled his fist and punched the horse in the right rear

hip area, the report states.Coward was charged with battery of

a law enforcement animal and is being held at the Orient RoadJail on $500 bond, jail records show.The report does not

indicate whether the horse suffered any serious injury.”

http://www2.tbo.com/content/2008/apr/06/man-jailed-after-punching-

http://www2.tbo.com/content/2008/apr/06/man-jailed-after-punching-police


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82

When the tax bill came ,he really needed a big tonic andgin

There was a young man from Lynn whose tool was the size of a

pin

In view of this size , ogling naked babes should not be a big sin

But when the tax bill came he really needed a big tonic and gin.

“COLUMBIA, S.C. (AP) — It could cost more to see naked

babes in South Carolina. At least that’s what one state senator

wants in the Palmetto State.

Greenville Republican Mike Fair wants to impose 20 percent

sin tax on magazines like Playboy and Hustler. ”

http://www.ksdk.com/news/watercooler/hot_topics_article.aspx?stor

http://www.ksdk.com/news/watercooler/hot_topics_article.aspx?storyid=143376


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83

He felt sad and forlorn, watching all alone the porn

He felt sad and forlorn,watching all alone the porn

He actually liked all of you to feel equally love-lorn

And screened the stuff for all ye,high-born and low-born

“A TECHNICIAN at a French Polynesian television station has

been suspended from work after accidentally screening a porn

movie he thought he was watching alone”


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84

Florida teens believe that mountain dew preventspregnancy

All through the night we make passionate love under the

stars,me and you

Our torrid love affair goes on ,duly protected by the mountain

dew,

In the friendly company of the mountain goat and the sheep

and the ewe.

ORLANDO, Fla. — A recent survey that found some Florida

teens believe drinking a cap of bleach will prevent HIV and ashot of Mountain Dew will stop pregnancy has prompted

lawmakers to push for an overhaul of sex education in the

state.”


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85

Poo analysis is a scholarly pursuit which will stimulate theintellectual in you

It is true poo is serious stuff not merely belonging to the loo

Poo smells a lot but tells a lot too, useful like the didgeridoo

View it like a regular for a scatological analysis in the privacy

of your loo

These scholarly pursuits will stimulate the intellectual in you.

Get grossed out, laugh or act like you’re too refined to discuss

this. Go ahead. The truth is, poop is serious stuff. If you’re

willing to peek into the toilet bowl once in a while, local doctorssay you can learn loads about your health and detect problems

ranging from poor diet to colon cancer. “It’s one of a few

things you can do without a doctor’s help. You can’t do blood

work on yourself … but you can look in the toilet,” said Dr.

Anish Sheth, a gastroenterologist and co-author of the book,

“What’s Your Poo Telling You?” and the soon-to-be-released

sequel, “Poo Log”.

http://nutritionalconcepts.blogspot.com/2008/02/worried-about-your-

http://nutritionalconcepts.blogspot.com/2008/02/worried-about-your-health-try-waste.html


85/106

86

It is unknown how Mr.Greco took his coffee that day

In the donut shop you forget to wear your pants

You have a problem on hand with the blasted ants.

“Yorktown: Careful with that coffee! Police say a man placing

an order in a suburban New York doughnut shop’s

drive-through lane didn’t have any pants on.They say a Dunkin’

Donuts worker saw John Greco’s exposed genitals in the

February 27 stunt and then noted the make of his car and his

license plate number.

Police say the 46-year-old Croton-on-Hudson resident was

arrested last week and has been charged with misdemeanour

public lewdness. He’s due in court March 27.Police released a

statement on Thursday saying it was “unknown how Mr. Greco

took his coffee that day.”


86/106

87

All the world is a stage and all men and women merelyplayers

Without booze and fag we cannot think of a bar

If we cannot have our bar without nicotine and tar

we shall deem our bar as Shakespearean theater.

All the world is a stage and men players says the bard.

Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player,

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,

And then is heard no more .

It is a tale told by an idiot full of smoke and fury

Our lungs are black like Macbeth’s dark deeds

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools

The way to dusty death.

“Bars in Minnesota are declaring themselves theatres to getaround a public smoking ban.

The state ban allows actors to light up in character during

theatrical productions.

So the bars are declaring themselves theatres and their

customers performers, reports the Daily Telegraph.”


http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2761092.html?menu=news.quirkies


87/106

88

Our town is named Athol butt we are not that

Our town is named Athol butt we are not that

We are surely not what we think below your hat

We are sick of being the butt of everyone’s jokes

We put our butt to better use ,we promise, blokes.

Athol, Mass., residents are sick and tired of people making fun

of the town’s name.

Town selectmen wrote a letter of protest to Comcast SportsNet

for putting an advertisement in area newspapers that read …

“We can pronounce Worcester … without sounding like anAthol.”

Comcast quickly pulled the ad which appeared in the Boston

Herald and other papers to promote Comcast’s regular sports

analysis and interview programs.”

http://www.topix.net/news/weird/2008/03/athol-residents-tired-of-bein

http://www.topix.net/news/weird/2008/03/athol-residents-tired-of-being-butt-of-jokes


88/106

89

You get banned from tennis if you grunt loudly in play

You get banned from tennis if you grunt loudly in play

For such noises distract the other players all day

Less distracting sounds like passing the wind seem okay.

Maria Sharapova has been criticized over her extremely loud

grunting during play, but you can bet they won’t try this with a

champion like her. A 9-year-old Australian girl has been

banned from playing tennis at her local club over the grunting

noises she makes during play.

Lauryn Edwards was told last weekend that she could nolonger play after an opposing player complained about her

grunting”

http://snafu-ed.blogspot.com/2008/02/9-year-old-sharapova-wanna-b

http://snafu-ed.blogspot.com/2008/02/9-year-old-sharapova-wanna-be-banned.html


89/106

90

It is the plumbing problems that plague their performance

The Kiwis concerns are neither less libido nor lack of chance

It is the plumbing problems that plague their performance.

“Lack of sexual desire and infrequent intercourse are among

the most common sexual problems experienced by New

Zealanders, according to a new academic study.”

http://news.sbs.com.au/worldnewsaustralia/kiwis_seek_therapy_for

http://news.sbs.com.au/worldnewsaustralia/kiwis_seek_therapy_for_low_sexual_desire_541798


90/106

91

It is a foul and a dastardly act to leak before the PoliceDepartment

The cops are polite guys with a friendly public face

It is a dastardly act and is surely a cognizable case

If a guy chooses to leak right in front of their place.

“An apparently drunk man picked the wrong place to tinkle.

Appleton, Wis. police arrested the man Friday afternoon after

he reportedly relieved himself in front of the police

department.”

http://wcbstv.com/watercooler/drunk.urination.police.2.662680.html

http://wcbstv.com/watercooler/drunk.urination.police.2.662680.html


91/106

92

In our country we vacuum our underpants off and on

A vacuum cleaner is the most gorgeous thing in town

Its going is good and smooth ,under and down

In our country we vacuum our underpants off and on

It is a normal practice as you would have known.

A Polish worker had been caught in the act with a vacuum

cleaner and when asked what he was doing with the machine

,he claimed that he was vacuuming his underpants, which was

a normal practice in Poland.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/03/03/n

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/03/03/nhoover103.xml


92/106

93

The humbled lion now stands on the herald without itsmanhood

Women will have none of this male stuff on the herald

So there is now no penis in the lion’s loins, O my God

The humbled lion now stands without penis on the herald.

“Protests from female soldiers have led to the Swedish military

removing the penis of a heraldic lion depicted on the Nordic

Battlegroup’s coat of arms.

The armed forces agreed to emasculate the lion after a group

of women from the rapid reaction force lodged a complaint tothe European Court of Justice, Göteborgs-Posten reports.”


93/106

94

A she-goat is not acceptable looking to the gravity of theoffence

The first lady Kibaki has whacked him allegedly

Nothing less than a he-goat and an apology

Is what the victim demands from the first family

A she-goat is not acceptable looking to the gravity.

“Amidst the political unrest that has ravaged Kenya, elders are

demanding a goat from the President as compensation for an

alleged assault by his wife.”


94/106

95

Gorski from Gliwice twice made guttural noises over thegherkin

Gorski from Gliwice spluttered over an ill-gotten gherkin

“I could not resist having a snack ,” the jerk said jerkin’ .

A burglar in Poland who stole a dozen jars of home-made

pickles was caught after choking on his ill-gotten gherkins.

Piotr Gorski was found spluttering and blue in the face just two

streets away from the crime scene.

Police had to hit him on the back to dislodge the vegetable

before arresting himGorski, from Gliwice, said: ‘I just couldn’t resist having a quick

snack.’

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=99014&in_pa

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=99014&in_page_id=2


95/106

96

A fling or two in office is a good thing

A fling or two in office is a good thing with rising productivity

It improves quality of output but sadly reduces overall quantity.

“HAVING an office romance IMPROVES your quality of work, a

survey claims.

Researchers found the thrill of a fling “raised energy levels and

led to better professional capacity”.

One in five people quizzed by Italian sexologist Serenella

Salomoni admitted to an affair at work.

She said: “We discovered that people who had an officeromance said they were happier, more energetic and more

productive.”


96/106

97

You can now soar in the nude like an eagle

You can now fly in the nude in special nude flights

Like an eagle that soars up and up in dizzy heights

You can now feel the brisk breeze on your bare bum

The flights are pricier but you’ll thoroughly enjoy ‘em.

“German nudists will be delighted to know that they can now

be nude at a higher altitude than ever before, as an airline

launches special nude flights.

The flights of nakedness are a nostalgic throwback to the daysof Communism in East Germany, when naturism was permitted

and found widespread popularity. The company,

OssiUrlaub.de, is specifically targeting former East Germans

pining for their old, clothing-optional ways

But at around £372 (€499) for a trip between Erfurt in the

south-east and Usedom in the Baltic Sea, the naked soaringwill not be for everyone.

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=87854&in_pa

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=87854&in_page_id=2


97/106

98

Double fun on double time ,even if one were a Woodcock

The Aberdeen council staff work very hard managing their

leisure

They are required to have double fun on double time in good

measure

You will agree how tough it is for Woodcock to achieve any

pleasure.

“Senior Aberdeen council staff were on double time while

having sex in the workplace, it has been alleged.

Former council manager Tom McNeil, 52, is claiming at atribunal hearing he lost his job after revealing two colleagues

were involved sexually.Witness Pat Fraser said she could hear

then director of leisure, Brian Woodcock, and a female

employee having sex behind a partition screen”

BBC


98/106

99

He is a police department official with extraordinaryinterest in matters religious

Findler Tom is not a peepling Tom

He findles all the thrills flesh is heir to

On the holy computers of church episcopal.

“HAMILTON, N.J. (AP) – A civilian State Police employee was

accused of sneaking into a church to look at pornography on a

nun’s computer. Police arrested Thomas G. Findler Wednesday

and charged him with burglary and theft.

Authorities said Findler had been sneaking into Grace St. Paul

Episcopal Church in the night over the last three weeks to look

at pornography.”

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8UHAES00&show_article=

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D8UHAES00&show_article=1&catnum=9


99/106

100

We are grateful to the cows for participating

The research studies gases greenhouse

Released by belching cows

We are grateful to the cows

For participating and helping this noble cause.

“STOCKHOLM, Sweden – A Swedish university has received

$590,000 in research funds to measure the greenhouse gases

released when cows belch.

About 20 cows will participate in the project run by theSwedish University for Agricultural Sciences in Uppsala, north

of Stockholm.


100/106

101

Mr.Paxman cannot be blamed for not being brief

Mr.Paxman cannot be blamed for not being brief

Complaining of lack of support for the fig leaf

Slackness in the gusset is not a small matter

What is at stake is the vital issue of men’s honour.

“Jeremy Paxman is not known for staying silent when vexed by

an issue. Having finally despaired of what he says is the

declining quality of Marks & Spencer underpants and socks,

the Newsnight host finds himself a reluctant flag-bearer for thelegions of British men being let down by sub-standard briefs.

Riled by his disintegrating undercrackers – he complains of a

certain slackness in the gusset – Paxman wrote an email last

week to the M&S chief executive Sir Stuart Rose to complain.

Something “very troubling” had happened, he explained,apologetically and somewhat ironically for a man whose

interviewees would be forgiven for wearing reinforced

undergarments. Marks & Sparks pants, the presenter said, “no

longer provide adequate support”. Pray tell! Too small? Too

big? Do they get twisted inside his waders, as he stands

waist-deep in an Oxfordshire river, fishing for salmon and

trout?

Yesterday afternoon, after finishing his Sunday lunch, the BBC

interrogator elaborated. “This is not just about the weak gusset

issue,” said Paxman. “It is about the separation of the cotton


101/106


102/106

103

It is their womanly curves that make them want to be inmen’s trousers

These women cops do not flaunt terrifying bums in their

trousers

It is just that they look large and menacing along with their

tasers

In fact it is curves that make them want to be in men’s trousers.

(Dozens of female officers complained to trade magazine

Police Review that they wore men’s trousers because they

looked better.They were particularly aggrieved by the Simon Cowell-style

high waistbands which cover up curves and the bulky, ill-fitting

material which makes it difficult to run after offenders.One

West Midlands policewoman complained: “It does wind me up

that we get these terrible trousers – they make your bum look

huge – they are massive around the hips.”)


103/106

104

We do not ogle now; we only google

Pretty girls we have stopped ogling

We have now turned to googling

We collect stocks info like a honeybee

Turned on by the crisp remnimbee.

“BEIJING (Reuters) – The names of three banks and the word

“stocks”

beat “sex” to become four of the most Googled words in China

last year,

according to a Google China list seen on Thursday.”


104/106

105

The soccer manager has his foot in the mouth, far awayfrom the ball

The soccer manager shoots off mouth faster than his foot

His foot is often found in the mouth,instead of in his boot.

“LONDON (Reuters) – Former England soccer manager Steve

McClaren fought off tough competition from U.S. President

George W. Bush to win a dreaded “Foot in Mouth” award on

Tuesday from the Plain English campaign.”


105/106

106

The cop is highly useful when you have no tissue

Friend,do not fret if you do not have a tissue

When you have a cop close by that is no big issue

DUNBAR, W.Va. – Sometimes you need a police officer;

sometimes you need a tissue.

Confuse the two, and it could cost you. A woman in

Charleston, West Virginia, is facing battery charges after

allegedly wiping her nose on the back of a police officer’s

shirt.”


106/106

He says he is alive but records speak otherwise

This Romanian man affirms he is alive but records say

otherwise

The poor man is suffering from amnesia and is not speaking

lies.

“A Romanian man was not allowed to renew his identity papers

because official records said he had died eight years ago.

Gheorghe Stirbu, 61, was told a death certificate existed stating

that he had died on March 3, 1999 from breathing difficultiesand had been buried on March 22.

Mr Stirbu said he was not ill at the time, and the death

certificate does not appear to be a case of mistaken identity.

He now hopes to show a court that he is still alive, and finally

get his official ID updated.”

Documents

Making Light of Serious Stuff