MARRIAGE DI SCUSS ION GUIDE

Make Your Marriage The Best It Can BE

PURPOSE OF THIS GUIDEThis companion guide is to be used after viewingthe Marriage Retreat movie. It offers you anopportunity to evaluate the issues faced by eachcouple in the movie through biblically baseddiscussion questions. We hope these questionsreveal the solution through your relationshipwith God. Start your study with prayer, askingGod to give you eyes to see, ears to hear and anopen heart to understand.

FILM OVERVIEWWhen a group of best friends decide to go to aMarriage Retreat in the mountains for no deeperreasons than to relax and have a little fun, theydiscover the true state of theirmarriages and how farapart they have drifted. Once there, Dr. Sullivan(Fahey) and his wife Katrina (Victoria) challengethem to confront their own sin to heal theirrelationship issues through some rather unconven-tionalmethodswith hopes that these trials will drawthem closer toGod.However, the couples continueto struggle to resolve their issues as they are hope-lessly relying on their own strength.When it seemslike all is lost for them, true love is revealed and theysoon discover it's not what they aremissing in theirrelationships but who.This heartfelt filmwillmakeyou laugh, cry and cheer these couples on to findingtheir way back to the ONE they love.

COPYRIGHT INFORMATIONScriptures taken from the Holy Bible, NewInternational Version®, NIV®. Copyright© 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™

EPHESIANS 5: 25-27Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make herholy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as aradiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. (NIV)

CAST OVERVIEW

Craig Sullivan Jeff FaheyKatrina Sullivan Victoria Jackson

Pastor Wexler Reginald Vel JohnsonMark Bowman David WhiteClaire Bowman Andrea Logan WhiteDonna Harlow Anna ZielinskiJames Harlow Matt FloridaBobby Castle Tommy Blaze

Melody Castle Caroline ChoiJoey Brad Stine

FINDING YOUR WAY BACK TO THE ONE YOU LOVE.

MOVIE Scenes to ReviewMark’s Counseling: (Chapter 8, 35:25-38:25)Claire’s Counseling: (Chapter 9, 41:54-43:25)

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:Claire andMark Bowman are not communicatingwell and both are feeling misunderstood. Foralmost two months, Claire has been givingMarkthe silent treatment. Her dream is to have a familyandMark is not ready. Shehas just becomepregnantyet has not told her husband. Feeling that Markis set in his ways and unwilling to make changesshe doesn’t push the issue. Claire is looking forselflessness in her relationship with Mark.

Mark can barely get Claire to have a conversationwith him. She is closed off and refuses to openlydiscuss their problems. Mark is aware that Clairewants to have children but he is just not ready tobe a father. Because of his abusive relationshipwith his father, Mark is afraid that he may turnout like him. At the same time, Claire isunaware of Mark’s relationship with his father.Although he wants to be close to his wife, Mark’sfear of fatherhood keeps them apart.

1. PHILIPPIANS 2: 3-4 says not to do anything out ofselfishness, to value others more than yourself and tokeep the interest of others in the forefront of yourmind. Is Claire being selfish for wanting to have a fam-ily? Is Mark being selfish for not?

2. GALATIANS 6:2 encourages us to carry each other’sburdens. Are Mark & Claire being selfish with eachother by not communicating their issues to one an-other?

3. According to PSALM 27:10, God will take care of useven if our own parents forsake us. How might thishelp Mark get over his fear of being a father? Do youhave past family issues that continue to plague you andyour spouse’s relationship?

4. JOHN 15:12 commands us to love each other as Godloved us. What do you think a selfless relationship withGod would look like? What would a selfless relation-ship with your spouse look like? What would it soundlike? What would it feel like?

SCRIPTURES REFERENCED:JOHN 15:12 My commandment is this: Love each other asI have loved you. (NIV)

GALATIANS 6:2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in thisway you will fulfill the law of Christ. (NIV)

PHILIPPIANS 2:3-4 Do nothing out of selfish ambition orvain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,not looking to your own interests but each of you to the inter-ests of the others. (NIV)

PSALM 27:10 Though my father and mother forsake me,the LORD will receive me. (NIV)

THEME I: SELFLESSNESS1 CORINTHIANS 13: 4-5

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonorothers, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (NIV)

THEME I: SELFLESSNESS

CALL TO ACTION

To get to a selfless place with your spouse you have to open your heart to each other.A great place to start is by simply examining how well you know each other.

1. How well do we really know each other? Take an online assessment of your relationship. Thereare many available online. A great one to start with is Gary Chapman’s Love Languages atwww.5lovelanguages.com.

2. Review your scores and discuss the results with each other. For additional resources visit Associationfor Marriage & Family Ministries web site at www.AmfmOnline.com

3. Now that you have more insight about one another, make a list below of ways you can addresseach other’s needs.

MOVIE Scenes to ReviewDonna’s Counseling: (Chapter 9, 40:51-41:53)Prayer: (Chapter 14, 59:00-59:55)Chained: (Chapter 17, 1:10:46-1:12:35)

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:Donna and James Harlow seem to be living twodifferent lives. Donna is getting ready for thebirth of their first child and James is pursuinghis love of acting. She feels they are not close inthe way they used to be and fears James is goingto leave her. Donna is relying on her relationshipwith her husband to provide safety in her life;however, after her counseling session withDr. Sullivan, she soon realizes her priorities arein the wrong order.

James is a very talented actor who lives andbreathes his craft. He participated in CommunityTheater until he got his big break on a daytimedrama. With adoring fans and autographseekers, James loved the attention; however, hedidn’t realize that this newfound stardom wasmaking Donna feel insecure. As a result, Donnahad become very controlling of James, whichhad become an issue for him.

1.What does Katrina mean when she tells Donna “you areseeking the wrong things to give you peace”? How canPhilippians 4:6 help Donna find safety and content-ment in her relationship?

2. During Donna’s prayer she says “God are you reallythere”? Can you relate to Donna’s experience about ques-tioning the authenticity of God? What do you believeabout God’s strength and protection?Where does Psalm9:9-10 say our refuge should ultimately come from?

3. When Donna finally confesses to James that she feelsthat his career is more important than his family, Jamestells her that he is willing to give up his work as anactor. Is there anything in your life that you believe Godis calling you to give up to save your marriage?

4. When Donna figures out the triangle that Dr. Sullivandrew on her palm, she realizes her and James’s prioritiesfor their marriage are out of order. What are the majorpriorities in your marriage? How will Psalm 32:7-8help guide you in evaluating your priorities and findingsafety in your marriage?

SCRIPTURES REFERENCED:Psalms 9:9-10 The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, astronghold in times of trouble. (NIV)

Psalms 32:7-8 You are my hiding place; you will protect mefrom trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. (NIV)

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but ineverything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, presentyour requests to God.

THEME II: SAFETYPSALM 4:8

In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety. (NIV)

THEME II: SAFETY

CALL TO ACTION

Finding safety in your relationship with your spouse and God is a daily process.We all need reminders to help keep us on track. Let’s start by creating one below.

1. Write God at the top point of the triangle.2. Next, write the name of you and your spouse at the two bottom points of the triangle.3. Finally, write the word SAFETY in the middle space of the triangle.

Let this be a reminder of how becoming closer to God will bring youcloser as a couple and provide the safety you need.

MOVIE Scenes to ReviewBobby’s Counseling: (Chapter 8, 33:55-35:24)Melody’s Counseling: (Chapter 9, 39:56-40:50)Chained: (Chapter 17, 1:12:41 - 1:14:28)

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:Melody and Bobby Castle are trying to get bythe best way they know how. Melody saysBobby is always looking for some get richscheme and is gambling as a way to support hisfamily. Unfortunately, he loses most of the time.Melody lives in constant fear that they will loseeverything. She is desperately seeking security inher relationship.

On the other hand, Bobby says his wife giveshim no respect. He feels she constantly rides andnags him. Bobby was making a great living inthe housing market when he met Melody.However, soon after they were married, thehousing market crashed leaving Bobby withoutjob prospects. Bobby wants to be able to providethe security that Melody needs.

1. How can Psalm 111:5 begin to ease Melody’s fears?Do you have constant fears in your marriage?

2. Bobby turns to gambling to make money for the familyonly to be feeling inadequate and disappointed.Luke 12:24 tells us that God will take care of us just ashe does the birds. How hard is it for you to look to Godas your source and strength? Do you believe God can andwill intervene in your situation?

3. Both Melody and Bobby are need of guidance. How canPsalm 23:1-3 help them find that security and guidancethey both seek? Are you looking toGod as your shepherd?

4. When Melody gets angry with Bobby for getting themlost, she says he can’t do anything right - words shenever would have uttered when they were first married.Melody has let their circumstances change her. Howare your circumstances making you a different person?How is it making your marriage different?

SCRIPTURES REFERENCED:Luke 12:24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap;they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And howmuch more valuable you are than birds! (NIV)

Psalm 111:5 He provides food for those who fear him; heremembers his covenant forever. (NIV)

Psalm 23:1-3 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. Hemakes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quietwaters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right pathsfor his name’s sake. (NIV)

THEME III: SECURITYLUKE 12:29-31

And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it.For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them.

But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. (NIV)

THEME III: SECURITY

CALL TO ACTION

Take some time at this moment to think about you and your spouse’s financial concerns.If you have some, then here are some steps to help guide you to a solution.

1. Write down at least 3 financial issues that have been burdening you both. For example,retirement, savings, or overspending.

2. Create a plan below to address each of these issues. If overspending is a problem, then you candevelop a budget to keep daily expenses under control.

3. Most importantly, if you don’t know how to create a budget or how to handle credit card debt thenseek professional advice. A great place to start is Crown Financial Ministries. Visit them atwww.crown.org for financial, spiritual teaching and resources from a Christian, biblical perspective.

COVENANT PLEDGE

I promise to honor, love and respect my bride/husband. I promise to serve my wife/husbandwith grace based, sacrificial love – as Christ so loved the church. Amen!

Name Date

FINAL THOUGHTSFOR YOUR CONSIDERATION

God has a beautiful plan for you and your marriage covenant. God performed the first marriage cer-emony in the Garden of Eden between Adam and Eve, and later gifted us the perfect plan for rec-onciliation and redemption through the Cross - with Christ as our Bridegroom. Mark 10:5-9 tellsus that God’s plan for marriage was to create a unity of one. Your ultimate marriage relationship iscloser than you think. So, take that next step and recommit your marriage to the Lord and makethat covenant pledge to one another. Now, begins your journey to finding your way back to theONE you love.

SCRIPTURES REFERENCED:Mark 10:5-9 “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. “But at the beginning ofcreation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no oneseparate.” (NIV)

“many couples will learnlessons from this film.”

— The Dove Foundation

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