Marriage Preparation Notes

7/29/2019 Marriage Preparation Notes

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MARRIAGE PREPARATION PROGRAMME NOTES

Marriage Feast at Cana by Hieronymus Bosch


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Contents

MARRIAGE PREPARATION PROGRAMME NOTES ........................................................................... 1Introduction ......................................................................................................................................... 1Session 1 Gods Plan ................................................................................................................... 1Session 2 Husband and Wife Relationship .................................................................................. 3Session 3 Communication in Marriage ........................................................................................ 4Session 4 Christian Family ........................................................................................................... 5Session 5 Keys to a successful marriage .................................................................................... 5Miscellaneous Summary .................................................................................................................... 6


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MARRIAGE PREPARATION PROGRAMME NOTES

Introduction

Marriage is a special state that you both enter into. Its been described as:

Marriage is like a fine wine; it improves with age and appreciates in value. Torrents of worries anddifficulties are incapable of drowning true love because people who sacrifice themselves generouslyare brought closer together in the long run.Blessed Josemaria Escriva

There is nothing in the world - no possible success, military or political, which is worth weighing inthe balance for one moment against the happiness that comes to those fortunate enough to make areal love match - in which the lover and sweetheart will never be lost in husband and wife. I knowwhat I am writing about, for I am just as much devoted to Mrs. Roosevelt now as ever I was.Theodore Roosevelt

Session 1 Gods Plan

Genesis

27 God created human beings in his own image; in the image of God he created them;male and female he. 28God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase, fill the earthand subdue it, have dominion over the fish in the sea, the birds of the air, and every living thing thatmoves on the earth.'

Genesis

18 Then the LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; I shall make a partner suited tohim.'19 So from the earth he formed all the wild animals and all the birds of the air, and brought

them to the man to see what he would call them; whatever the man called each living creature, thatwould be its name.20 The man gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every wildanimal; but for the man himself no suitable partner was found.21 The LORD God then put the maninto a deep sleep and, while heslept, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the flesh over the place.22 The rib he had takenout of the man the LORD God built up into a woman, and he brought her to the man. 23 (6)The mansaid: 'This one at last is bone from my bones, flesh from my flesh! She shall be called woman, forfrom man was she taken.'24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and attaches himself tohis wife, and the two become one.

As a Vocation

As a vocation God who created man out of love also calls him to love . This is the fundamentalvocation of every human being. Since God created him man and woman, their mutual love becomesan image of the absolute and unfailing love with which god loves man.

A great saint Catherine of Siena once had a vision that God was offering her many crosses, somesmall, others large. Anxious to please, she selected the heaviest. "No," said the Lord, " that one isnot for you. It is reserved for married couples."

Marriage as a vocation aims at nothing less sanctity for the family


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Love - Corinthians

St. Paul defines love as I may speak in tongues of men or of angels, but if I have no love, I am asounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 I may have the gift of prophecy and the knowledge of everyhidden truth; I may have faith enough to move mountains; but if I have no love, I am nothing 3 I maygive all I possess to the needy, I may give my body to be burnt, but if I have no love, I gain nothing

by it. 4 Love is patient and kind. Love envies no one, is never boastful, never conceited 5 neverrude; love is never selfish, never quick to take offence. Love keeps no score of wrongs 6 takes nopleasure in the sins of others, but delights in the truth. 7 There is nothing love cannot face; there isno limit to its faith, its hope, its endurance. 8 Love will never come to an end. Prophecies will cease;tongues of ecstasy will fall silent; knowledge will vanish. 9 For our knowledge and our prophecy alikeare partial, 10 and the partial vanishes when wholeness comes. 11 When I was a child I spoke like achild, thought like a child, reasoned like a child; but when I grew up I finished with childish things. 12At present we see only puzzling reflections in a mirror, but one day we shall see face to face. Myknowledge now is partial; then it will be whole, like God's knowledge of me. 13 There are threethings that last for ever: faith, hope, and love; and the greatest of the three is love.

St. Paul in his letter to the Ephesians also advises us That you, being rooted and grounded in love,may have the power to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and

depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all thefullness of God.

As a Covenant

I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and health. I will love you andhonour you all the days of my life.

As a Sacrament

Grace is a supernatural gift of the Holy Spirit . In the case of the sacrament of marriage the gift isgiven to perfect the couples love, strengthen their unity and to help them in their journey throughlife together. By this grace they help one another to attain holiness in their married life and inwelcoming and educating their children.

As a Commitment to Serve - Romans

10. Let love of the Christian community show itself in mutual affection. Esteem others more highlythan yourself. 11 With unflagging zeal, aglow with the Spirit, serve the Lord. 12 Let hope keep you

joyful; in trouble stand firm; persist in prayer; 13 contribute to the needs of God's people, andpractise hospitality. 14 Call down blessings on your persecutors--blessings, not curses. 15 Rejoicewith those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in agreement with one another. Do notbe proud, but be ready to mix with humble people. Do not keep thinking how wise you are. 17 Neverpay back evil for evil. Let your aims be such as all count honourable. 18 If possible, so far as it lieswith you, live at peace with all. 19 My dear friends, do not seek revenge, but leave a place for divine

retribution; for there is a text which reads, 'Vengeance is mine, says the Lord, I will repay.'

Philippians

3 Leave no room for selfish ambition and vanity, but humbly reckon others better than yourselves. 4Look to each other's interests and not merely to your own. 5 Take to heart among yourselves whatyou find in Christ Jesus: 6 'He was in the form of God; yet he laid no claim to equality with God, 7 butmade himself nothing, assuming the form of a slave. Bearing the human likeness, 8 sharing thehuman lot, he humbled himself, and was obedient, even to the point of death, death on a cross! 9


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Therefore God raised him to the heights and bestowed on him the name above all names, 10 that atthe name of Jesus every knee should bow--in heaven, on earth, and in the depths-- 11 and everytongue acclaim, "Jesus Christ is Lord," to the glory of God the Father.' 12 So you too, my friends,must be obedient, as always; even more, now that I am absent, than when I was with you. You mustwork out your own salvation in fear and trembling;

Session 2 Husband and Wife Relationship

Role of husband and wife - Ephesians

21 BE subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, be subject to your husbands asthough to the Lord; 23 for the man is the head of the woman, just as Christ is the head of thechurch. Christ is, indeed, the saviour of that body; 24 but just as the church is subject to Christ, somust women be subject to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christloved the church and gave himself up for it, 26 to consecrate and cleanse it by water and word, 27so that he might present the church to himself all glorious, with no stain or wrinkle or anything of thesort, but holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way men ought to love their wives, as they lovetheir own bodies. In loving his wife a man loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own body; on

the contrary, he keeps it nourished and warm, and that is how Christ treats the church, 30 because itis his body, of which we are living parts. 31 'This is why' (in the words of scripture) 'a man shall leavehis father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' 32 There ishidden here a great truth, which I take to refer to Christ and to the church. 33 But it applies also toeach one of you: the husband must love his wife as his very self, and the wife must show reverencefor her husband.

John

12 This is my commandment: love one another, as I have loved you.13 There is no greater lovethan this, that someone should lay down his life for his friends.

Sex, marriage, and divorce - Corinthians

1 Now for the matters you wrote about. You say, 'It is a good thing for a man not to have intercoursewith a woman.' 2 Rather, in the face of so much immorality, let each man have his own wife andeach woman her own husband. 3 The husband must give the wife what is due to her, and equallythe wife must give the husband his due. 4 The wife cannot claim her body as her own; it is herhusband's. Equally, the husband cannot claim his body as his own; it is his wife's. 5 Do not denyyourselves to one another, except when you agree to devote yourselves to prayer for a time, and tocome together again afterwards; otherwise, through lack of self-control, you may be tempted bySatan. 6 I say this by way of concession, not command. 7 I should like everyone to be as I myselfam; but each person has the gift God has granted him, one this gift and another that. 8 To theunmarried and to widows I say this: it is a good thing if like me they stay as they are; 9 but if they donot have self-control, they should marry. It is better to be married than burn with desire. 10 To themarried I give this ruling, which is not mine but the Lord's: a wife must not separate herself from herhusband-- 11 if she does, she must either remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband--andthe husband must not divorce his wife. 12 To the rest I say this, as my own word, not as the Lord's: ifa Christian has a wife who is not a believer, and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorceher; 13 and if a woman has a husband who is not a believer, and he is willing to live with her, shemust not divorce him. 14 For the husband now belongs to God through his Christian wife, and thewife through her Christian husband. Otherwise your children would not belong to God, whereas infact they do.


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Session 3 Communication in Marriage

Asking the right Questions

It goes without saying, that you have chosen each other for the right reasons and that you enjoyedone another's company for a reasonable period of time prior to your engagement. You are able toobserve how each of you handle stress in various forms. It is useful to consider this as you are bothlikely to carry on in reacting in the same manner in your married life. How do you relate to oneanother friends and relatives? How do react to disappointments and set backs?

Each partner has a responsibility to behave properly towards one another in communication. By theway we say and the way we say it, we can determine the course and tone of our conversation.

Proverbs 12:18

There is one whose rash words are like swords thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Proverbs 15:1

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger .

Proverbs 16:24

Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.

In terms of arguments we should have the following in mind.

Ephesians 4:29-31 Admitting wrongdoing.

Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for edifying, as fits the occasion,

that you may impart grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, in whom youwere sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamour andslander be put away from you with all malice.

Jas 5:16 Confessing wrongdoing and asking forgiveness.

Therefore confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.

Matthew 18:21-22 Forgiving

Then Peter came up and said to Him, Lord how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgivehim? As many times as seven times? Jesus said to him, I do not say seven times, but seventy seventimes.

Ephesians 4:32

And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Ephesians 4:1-2 Unity

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you havebeen called, with all lowliness and meekness, with patience, for bearing one another in love, eager


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to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Session 4 Christian Family

Ephesians

1 Children, obey your parents; for it is only right that you should.2 'Honour your father and yourmother' is the first commandment to carry a promise with it: 3 'that it may be well with you and thatyou may live long on the earth.' 4 Fathers, do not goad your children to resentment, but bring themup in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

St. Benedict condensed almost all of the spiritual aspect of marriage into a single paragraph. Hesays "There is good zeal that can lead a married couple to God and to everlasting life. Practice thiszeal, then, with most fervent love. Be the first to show respect. Support with patience one anotherweaknesses, whether they be of body or of character. Compete with one another in showing mutualobedience. Do what you consider useful for each other rather than what is useful for yourself. Loveone another with sincere affection and have loving fear of God. Prefer nothing whatever to Christ.For many people Jesus Christ has an irresistible attraction try to be one of them.

Session 5 Keys to a successful marriage

With regard to marriage between Catholics and non Catholics it is very important that youunderstand that your spouse has obligations that must be respected by each. In the case of theCatholic their are very serious commitments such as attending Mass every Sunday and more often ifpossible, the Children must be brought up to know and love God the family life but also so as not towaste time. The planning should take account of meal times, prayer times, church going andweekends. Families need certainty and planning things brings this certainty.

Society does not hold the same values required of a Christian marriage.

Christian Secular

The individual is committed to Christ The individuals more likely to be is committed toself

The couples marriage is centred on Jesus The couples can be centred on personalhappiness instead of Jesus

The goal is unity The goal can be individual satisfaction

The love between the couple is based oncommitment

It may be that love is based on attraction,feelings, circumstances

The Christian ideal is the the family dedicated toknow, love and serve God

The alternative ideal is personal happiness

Based on Genesis children as an integral part ofthe marriage union

The alternative is that there are no or few, atconvenience

The home is a place of happiness The home is a place away from it all

The end result should be unity, peace, joy inserving God

The alternative can be the marriage is selfcentred, with a high divorce rate, and partially ornon satisfying


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Miscellaneous Summary

Galatians

1 If anyone is caught doing something wrong, you, my friends, who live by the Spirit must gently sethim right. Look to yourself, each one of you: you also may be tempted.2 Carry one another'sburdens, and in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ. 3 If anyone imagines himself to be somebodywhen he is nothing, he is deluding himself. 4 Each of you should examine his own conduct, and thenhe can measure his achievement by comparing himself with himself and not with anyone else; 5 foreveryone has his own burden to bear.

Matthew

1 When Jesus had finished this discourse he left Galilee and came into the region of Judea on theother side of the Jordan. 2 Great crowds followed him, and he healed them there 3 Some Phariseescame and tested him by asking, 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause he pleases?'4 He responded by asking, 'Have you never read that in the beginning the Creator made them maleand female?' 5 and he added, 'That is why a man leaves his father and mother, and is united to his

wife, and the two become one flesh. 6 It follows that they are no longer two individuals: they are oneflesh. Therefore what God has joined together, man must not separate.' 7 'Then why', they objected,'did Moses lay it down that a man might divorce his wife by a certificate of dismissal?' 8 Heanswered, 'It was because of your stubbornness that Moses gave you permission to divorce yourwives; but it was not like that at the beginning. 9 (2907)I tell you, if a man divorces his wife for anycause other than unchaste, and marries another, he commits adultery.' 10 The disciples said to him,'If that is how things stand for a man with a wife, it is better not to marry.' 11 To this he replied, 'Thatis a course not everyone can accept, but only those for whom God has appointed it. 12 For whilesome are incapable of marriage because they were born so, or were made so by men, there areothers who have renounced marriage for the sake of the kingdom of Heaven. Let those accept whocan.' 13 They brought children for him to lay his hands on them with prayer. The disciples rebukedthem, 14 but Jesus said, 'Let the children come to me; do not try to stop them; for the kingdom ofHeaven belongs to such as these. 15 And he laid his hands on the children, and went on his way.

The Christian's armoury

Ephesians

10. Finally, find your strength in the Lord, in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armour provided byGod, so that you may be able to stand firm against the stratagems of the devil. 12 For our struggle isnot against human foes, but against cosmic powers, against the authorities and potentates of thisdark age, against the superhuman forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore, take up thearmour of God; then you will be able to withstand them on the evil day and, after doing your utmost,to stand your ground. 14 Stand fast, I say. Fasten on the belt of truth; for a breastplate put onintegrity; 15 let the shoes on your feet be the gospel of peace, to give you firm footing; 16 and, withall these, take up the great shield of faith, with which you will be able to quench all the burningarrows of the evil one. 17 Accept salvation as your helmet, and the sword which the Spirit gives you,the word of God. 18 Constantly ask God's help in prayer, and pray always in the power of the Spirit.To this end keep watch and persevere, always interceding for all God's people. 19 Pray also for me,that I may be granted the right words when I speak, and may boldly and freely make known thehidden purpose of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador--in chains. Pray that I may speak ofit boldly, as is my duty.


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Peter

1 In the same way you women must submit to your husbands, so that if there are any of them whodisbelieve the gospel they may be won over without a word being said, 2 by observing your chasteand respectful behaviour 3 Your beauty should lie, not in outward adornment--braiding the hair,wearing gold ornaments, or dressing up in fine clothes-- 4 but in the inmost self, with its imperishable

quality of a gentle, quiet spirit, which is of high value in the sight of God. 5 This is how in past daysthe women of God's people, whose hope was in him, used to make themselves attractive,submitting to their husbands. 6 Such was Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him master. Bydoing good and showing no fear, you have become her daughters. 7 In the same way, you husbandsmust show understanding in your married life: treat your wives with respect, not only because theyare physically weaker, but also because God's gift of life is something you share together. Then yourprayers will not be impeded. 8 Finally, be united, all of you, in thought and feeling; be full of brotherlyaffection, kindly and humble. 9 Do not repay wrong with wrong, or abuse with abuse; on the contrary,respond with blessing, for a blessing is what God intends you to receive. As scripture says: 10 Ifanyone wants to love life and see good days he must restrain his tongue from evil and his lips fromdeceit; 11 he must turn from wrong and do good, seek peace and pursue it. 12 The Lord has eyesfor the righteous, and ears open to their prayers; but the face of the Lord is set against wrongdoers.

In the end, God will ask each of us if we have made it easier or harder for our spouse to get toHeaven and we have to be ready to answer this question positively.

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Marriage Preparation Notes