Marriage Soundtrack Pop Hits… · power ballad. There are going to come some times when the soundtrack is going to change on you, and you’ve got to have the character to be able

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Transcript April 29 and 30, 2017

Marriage Soundtrack | Pop Hits Aaron Brockett | Song of Songs 1:7-8, 15-16; 2:1-7

Alright,howisitgoing?Good.It’sgoodtoseeyou.Iwanttowelcomeyou,allofyouhereatourNorthwestcampusandthoseofyouatourNorthandDowntowncampuses,couldwejustsendsomelovethroughthecamera?It’ssogoodtohaveyouguys.Iwanttowelcomeyoutuninginonlineaswell.Iknowwehaveanumberofpeoplewhoare.WeareinweektwoofthisseriescalledMarriageSoundtrack.Iwanttothankeveryoneforsendingallofthecountrymusiclyricsthatyoulovemywaythislastweek.Ireallyappreciatethat.Itdidn’tconvincemeofathing,butblessyourlittleheartsandthevalianteffortonyourpart.Itgotmethinking.Icameacrossthisarticlecalled“TipsonLoveFromThoseWhoShouldKnow,”wheretheyaskedlittlekidsthefollowingquestionsaboutrelationshipslikethisonerighthere.Whatdomostpeopledoonadate?“Onthefirstdatetheyjusttelleachotherliesandthatusuallygetstheminterestedenoughtogoforaseconddate.”–Mike,age10Whydopeoplefallinlove?“Nooneissurewhyithappens,butIheardithassomethingtodowithhowyousmell.That’swhyperfumeanddeodorantaresopopular.”–Jan,age9Howaboutthisone?What’stherightagetogetmarried?“Well,onceI’mdonewithkindergarten,I’mgoingtofindmeawife.”–Tom,age5Youdothat,Tom.“Eightyfour,becauseatthatage,youdon’thavetoworkanymore,andyoucanspendallyourtimelovingeachotherinyourbedroom.”–Judy,age8That’swhatI’mtalkingabout.IknewIwaslookingforwardtomy80s.Ifthisisyourfirsttimetobewithus,lastweekwestartedthisserieswherewe’relookingattheOldTestamentbookoftheBiblecalledSongofSolomon,orasitisoftenreferredto,andit’showwe’regoingtorefertoit,asSongofSongs.SoIintroducedyoutoMr.andMrs.Solomon,andwetalkedabouttheimportanceof

MarriageSoundtrack|PopHitsApril29and30,2017

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personalcharacterwhenitcomestolookingfortheoneaswellasbecomingtheone.Becauseasamazingasfallinginloveis—andIwouldhighlyrecommenditifyouhaven’talreadydoneit—stayinginloveandgrowinginloveisinfinitelybetter,butitrequiresalotofintentionalwork.Itrequiresalotofeffort.Marriage,unfortunately,asmuchaswewishthatitwas,isnotonelongextendedpowerballad.Therearegoingtocomesometimeswhenthesoundtrackisgoingtochangeonyou,andyou’vegottohavethecharactertobeabletohandlesomeofthosetransitionsbecauseeventhebestofusaregoingtostruggleattimes.We’regoingtoneedsomeencouragementandsomeinsighttocontinuealongthisjourney.IalwayslovegettingthefirstsermoninaseriesundermybeltbecausethenIgettohearfromanumberofyouandseehowithityou,andthenbegintodeterminethedirectionoftheseries.We’regoingtobelookingatSongofSolomoneveryweek.We’regoingtobejourneyingthroughthis.Thatistheprimaryanchorpointofthisseries.Soifyouwant,readthatonyourown.AndIhighlyrecommendyoudobecausethemorefamiliaryouarewiththepassagesthemorethisteachingwillmakesenseasyouconnectthedots.I’vebeenabletohearfromanumberofyouandjustgetsomecommentsandfeedback.IjustdecidedtodosomethingthispastweekthatIrarelyeverdoonceIgetaseriesstarted,Idecidedtoaddanotherweektothis.Forsomeofyou,that’sgoodnews.Forsomeofyou,you’renottooexcitedaboutthat.Butletmejustkindofgiveyouareoverviewofwherewe’reheaded,sothatwayyoucanhavesomeexpectationskindofframedup.Nextweekendwe’regoingtotalkaboutSlowJam.SlowJam:intimacyandmakinglovelastThenthenextweekonMother’sDay,we’regoingtotalkabouttheBlues.TheBlues:growingtogetherthroughchangingcircumstancesandtherewardsoflifelongcommitmentThenonthefinalweekwe’regoingtotalkaboutRapBattle.Thatshouldbefun.RapBattle:understandingeachother,fightingfair,hopebeyonddivorceButtodayIwanttotalkaboutPopHits.PopHits:dating,courtship,marriage



AndGod’sWordhassomereallysurprisingandinsightfulthingstosaytoallofustohelpusnavigateourrelationshipsandthepotentialpitfallsthatmightexistthere.Letmesaythis,beforewegetgoing.Irealizenoteveryoneisinthesameseasonorsituationoflifeassomeoneelse.Infactoneofthesignificantchallengesofbringingaweeklymessagetosuchalarge,diversegroupofpeopleisthatIknoweverysingletimeIstepupherenoteverythingIsay,noteverythingthatistaught,notalltheinsightsthataregivenortheillustrationsthataretoldaregoingtoapplytoeveryoneequallyinthesameway.It’sjustimpossible.Idon’tknowallyourstories,andwe’reallatdifferentseasonsandjuncturesoflife.I’vehearditsaidthatthetaskofeveryeffectivecommunicatoristomakethefamiliarnew,andthenewfamiliar.Andthat’slargelywhatI’mtryingtodo.Forsomeofyou,thisisreallyfamiliarcontentandit’satimelyreminder.Forothers,it’sbrandnewandIwantyoutowalkoutofheregoing,“Youknowwhat?I’veneverheardthatbefore,orIdidn’tthinkIwouldlikethat.Butyouknowwhat?God’sWordactuallymakessense.”Ialsorealizethis.Iknowthatforanumberofyouthisisapainfulseriestolistentobecauseofsomethingmaybeyou’vegonethroughinyourpast,orhonestlysomethingyou’rewalkingthroughrightnow.Ilovedhearingfromanumberofyouwhowerecourageousenoughtoreachouttomethislastweekandsay,“Youknowwhat?Isawwhattheserieswas.Ididn’twanttocometochurch.Ididn’twanttohearit,butIcameanywayanditstillhurt,butI’mgladIcame.”AndcanIjustsaytoyou,“I’msogladthatyou’rehere.IwantyoutoknowthatGodcanredeemanything,anybodyinanysituation,nomatterwhatitisyouarecurrentlyfacing.”DidyoueverplaythatboardgameOperation?That’swhatIfeellikerightnow,asIteachthroughthisseriesandI’vegotthelittletweezers,andIknowImightunintentionallysaysomethingthatjustmightstrikeanerve,ormaybeitmighthurt.That’swhyIthinkit’simportantthatyouknowmyheartinthisandreallywhatitisIwantforyou.Ifyouwalkoutofherefeelingshame,ifyouwalkoutofherefeelingcondemnation,ifyouwalkoutofherefeelinghopelessness,thenyou’veeithermisunderstoodmeorI’mnotdoingitright.SoIwantyoutohearthehopeonlyGodcanprovide.Thankyouforbeinghere.Wellifthere’ssomethingallourrelationshipsneedwisdomon,itisthisareaofdatingandcourtship.Nowthereissuchathingasdatingbeforemarriage,andit’sreallyimportantwegetsomestuffrightthere.Andthenit’sequallyasimportantthatwecontinuetodateaftermarriage.Sowe’regoingtotalkaboutbothofthoseaspectsandwhatGod’sWordhastosayaboutthem.Andyouknowwhat?Letmejustsaythis.Datingbeforemarriageisfilledwithallkinds



ofexcitementandanxiety.IcanrememberonthefirstfewdatesIwentonwithmywifeLindsay,IwassoexcitedandnervousonthewayovertoherhousetopickherupthatIjustwantedtothrowup.Itwasawesome.Itwasjustthisfeelingofanxiety.Ithinkitwasafterfourorfivedates—nowwhenI’mtellingmydaughtersthisstory,itwillbelike10or15dates—butafterlikefouroffivedatesIwalkedhertoherfrontdoorandaskedherpermissiontogiveheralittlekissgoodnight.Shekindofbattedhereyesandlookedsheepishly,andshesaidyes.IgaveheralittlekissandIrememberwalkingbacktothecar,anditwasawarmsummernight,Irolleddownthewindowsandcrankeduptheradiotowhateverpopsongwason,andjustbelteditout.IthinkitwasInSyncorBackstreetBoysorsomethinglikethat.It’sjustawesome.Ijustwantyoutohearthisrightoutofthegate,andmanyofyoudidn’texpecttohearthisinchurch,butdatingcanandshouldbefun.Youshouldhavefun.Buttherearesomeprettyseriouslandminesthatareassociatedwithit.It’sabsolutelycriticalyougetsomethingsrightduringyourdatingdays,whenthatmightcomeforyou,sothatonedayifandwhenyougetmarried,therelationshipstartsoffonasolidfoundation.Nowoneofthebiggestliesyoumightthinkis,“WhenI’msingle,amarriageseriesdoesn’tapplytome.”No,thisisexactlythetimeyouneedtolistentoit.Idon’tknowhowmanymarriedcoupleshavecomeuptomeandsaid,“IwishIwouldhaveheardthatbackthen.”Well,foryousinglesnowthisisthetimeforyoutostartworkingonyourmarriage,longbeforeyou’reready,longbeforeyouevermeettheone.Andyou’vegottobegintodrawsomeboundariesforyourself,andclarifyyourexpectations.Letmesayitthisway.Popmusichasagreattuneandacatchybeat.Usually,though,popmusicisfilledwithhorribledatingadvice.AndnooffensetoJustinBeberorKatiePerry,finetalentsandallthat,butyoucangetbetterdatingadvicefromtheBible.Thatmaysurpriseyou.Lookwithmeatchapter1,verse7.HopefullyyouhaveadeviceoraBibleinfrontofyou.Ifnot,youcanlookatthescreen.Shesaystohim,“Tellme,mylove,whereareyouleadingyourflocktoday?”Rememberheisashepherd.Shesays,“Wherewillyourestyoursheepatnoon?”Sheissaying,“Whereareyougoingtobeonyourlunchbreak,baby?Canwegettogetherandhaveamid-daylunchbreak,alunchdate.”Ilovehisresponsetoherbecauseit’splayful.Theyarehavingfun.Itsaysinverse8,“Ifyoudon’tknow,Omostbeautifulwoman,followthetrailofmyflock…”Inotherwords,heissaying,“Ifyouwantme,comefindme.Comeandgetme.”Theyarekindofplayingthisgametogether,anddatingshouldbefun.Ithinktoooften



weleavepeoplewiththeimpressionthatGodisabigfuddy-duddyandHedoesn’twantyoutohaveanyfun,andthat’sjustnottrue.Youshouldhaveafuntime.Butyoualsoneedtobecareful,andhere’sthereasonwhy.Youcaneasilygethurt.Ifyoustartdealingwiththeheartstuff,youstartdealingwithemotions,youstartdealingwithphysicality,andyoucaneasily,easilygethurt.Therearesomanypitfallsyoucanfallinto.Yousee,duringyourdatingandcourtshipdays,whatishappeningisyouaredevelopingpatternsofbehaviorforhowyouwillonedayrelatetoyourspouse,evenifthispersonisnotyourspouseordoesnotbecomeyourspouse.Youbegintodevelopthelinesofcommunicationthatwillstaywithyouinalltheseromanticinterludes.Iftheyaren’thealthy,thiscansetyouuptoactuallyhavetorelearnsomethingslateron.Soifyouaresingleorifyouarespeakingintothelifeofsomeonewhois,ifyouareaparentofteenagerswhoarebeginningtodate,orifyouhavefriendswhoaresingleandmaybetheyseekyououtforadvice,herearethreequestionstoconsider.WhatamIlookingfor?It’ssurprisingtomethatmanypeopleneversitdownandthinkaboutthis.Theyneversitdownandsay,“WhatamIlookingfor?WhatqualitiesamIlookingfor?”Mostofthetimewearelike,“IfIfeelasparkwithsomeone,ifI’mphysicallyattractedtosomeone,”andasIsaidlastweekIwouldneverdownplaythis.Thatisreally,reallyimportant.Butyouneedtomovebeyondappearances,beyondthesparksinyourpersonality,andaskyourself,“WhatamIlookingfor?Andwhataremyintentionsfordating?”AmIjusthavingfun?AmIlookingforamate?Therereallyisn’tawronganswertothatquestion,aslongasthereisananswer,andyouneedtobeclearaboutthatwiththatotherperson.IlovehowtheauthorofProverbssaysthatinProverbs24:3.Hesays,“Ahouseisbuiltbywisdom,”inotherwordsthisthingdoesn’tjustcometogether,“andbecomesstrongthroughgoodsense.”AndIwouldsayyourrelationshipsaretheexactsameway.Ifyouwantahealthyrelationship,you’vegottoputthattogetherwithwisdomandgoodsense.Here’sthesecondquestion.Wherearetheboundaries?Thisishuge.You’vegottodetermineaheadoftimewheretheboundariesareasfaraswhatyouwillandwillnotdophysicallywiththisotherperson.Agoodfriendofminewastellingmeabouthowhisteenagedaughterhadherfirstseriousboyfriendacouple



ofyearsago.Heandhiswifesaiditwouldbeagoodideatohavehimovertodinner.“Weneedtotalktothisyoungman.”Sotheguycameover,theyweretalking,andafterwardstheysaid,“Let’sgotothelivingroom.Wewanttohaveaconversationwithyou.”Sohebeginstogettoknowhimandaskabouthisfamilyandwhathelikestodo.Thenhebeginstolaydownsomeexpectations(whilecleaninghisgun).No,hedidn’tdothat,butIwould.Sohewastalkingtothisyoungmanandsaid,“It’simportantyouaresafe,wearingseatbelts,andsheneedstobehomebythistime,”allthatstuff.Butthenhewentaheadandwentthere.Hesaid,“Listen,Iamnotnaïveenoughtothinkyouwon’ttrytokissmydaughter.”Theyoungman’seyesgotthisbigaround.Hewaslike,“Ican’tbelievewe’retalkingaboutthis.”Sohesaid,“Youhavemywife’sandmypermissiontokissmydaughterjustaslongasyouarestandingonyourfeetvertical.Nohorizontalkissing.”Theyoungmanturnedthreeshadesofwhite,lookedlikehewasgoingtolosehisdinneralloverthelivingroomfloor.”Ilookedathimandsaid,“Thatwasawesome,”andIwaslikewritingitdown.“I’mgoingtohavethattalk.”AndthisiskindofwhatI’mtalkingabout.Inallseriousnesshere,youneedtogivesomethoughttoyourownpersonalpurityaheadoftime,andhereisthereasonwhy.Youmightfindyourselfinaheatedmomentofpassionwhenyouwon’tbeabletothinkstraight.IknowthatsoundsoldfashionedandIknowthatsoundslikeIjusttoldyoutohavefunandnowI’msayingnotto.Letmetellyouthis.Thereasonwhy—andI’mnotgoingtoaskyourespondtothis.I’mjustgoingaskyoutothinkthisinternally.Haveanyofyoueverdoneanythingonadateyoulaterregretted?Chancesaretheanswertothatisyes.I’mnottellingyouthistoruinyourfun,buttokeepyoufromsomethingthatmightfollowyouaround,thatmightimpactyourself-image,yourreputation,orevensomethingyoumighttrackintoyourmarriageoneday.Howaboutthis?Don’tdoanythingwithanybodyonadateyoudon’twanttohavetoexplaintoyourspouseoneday.That’sagoodruleofthumbtoleaninto.IlovethesincerityofthewordsofthisguynamedJob.Hesaysinchapter31,verse1,“Imadeacovenant,”andthat’sanotherwordforpromise,“withmyeyesnottolookwithlustatayoungwoman.”NowIdon’tthinkJobisbeingholier-than-thouandIdon’tthinkheisbeingself-righteous.Idon’tthinkhewassayinghedidn’tstrugglewiththis,thatthiswaseasyforhim.InfactIwouldsayit’sjusttheopposite.Thiswasastruggleforhim,duetothefactheneededtostateit.Heneededtomakeapromisethatthiswashisintent.



AndIknowmanyofyouarethinkingI’mspeakingtotheteenagersortheyoungpeopleintheroomrightnow,andIcertainlyam.ButI’malsospeakingtosingleadultsovertheageof30.I’vejustnoticeditbecomesevenmoredifficult.You’reoutofyourparent’shouseandyou’relike,“I’manadult.I’mgoingtogotherenow.”Iwouldsaythisisjustasapplicabletoyou.Establishthoseboundariesandholdthem.You’llbegladyoudid.Hereisthethirdquestion.Whereisthisgoing?Isheorshenoncommittal?Havewebeendatingforfiveorsixyearsanddon’treallyknowwherethisisgoing?Soaskthequestion.Here’sthething.I’mnotsayingthisquestionneedstobeaskedaftereveryfirstdate.Thatwouldbeprettymuchofaguaranteetherewon’tbeasecondone.AllI’msayingisthatit’snotabadthingtositdownwithsomeoneandsay,“Youknowwhat?I’mnotreadyforsomethingserious.Ican’tseemyselfmarriedforseveralyears,butIlikeyou.AndI’dliketoexplorethistogether.I’dliketogotoamarriageconferencetogether.Hey,wouldyougowithmetothismarriageseries?Readthisbook.Let’stalkaboutthis.BecauseIdon’twanttojustdatetodate,Iwanttodateforapurpose.”It’sokaytocommunicatethat.Datingisjustasimportantafteryou’remarried!Toooftenwhathappensiswewalktheaisle,weexchangesomevows,weputaringonit,andthenthedatingstops.Andguysbynaturearepursuers.Sowegoonthehunt,wewinheraffection,wegiveheraring,andwestoppursuingher.Shestillneedstobepursuedevenaftermarriage.Westillneedtohavefuntogether,andourrelationshipstillneedstogrow.Ifyouaskmostguys,includingyours-truly,whatthemostcreativedatehetookhiswifeonwas,chancesarehewouldsay,“ThenightIaskedhertomarryme.”Twentyyearsago,itwasawesome.Andyetwestopthatcreativity.Idon’tthinkit’sintentional.Ithinkwork,andresponsibilities,andkidsenterthepicture.Datingisusuallyoneofthefirstthingsthatgetsbumpedoffthecalendar.Wehavetobereallyintentionalaboutthis.LindsayandIhaveseasonswherewedon’tgettodate,becausewe’vegotthekids’schedule,work,andpersonallife.Butweknowhowimportantitistositdowntogetherandsay,“Weneedtocarvethisoutandguardit,sowehavetimetogethertomakesureweconnectondates.”Sowe’regoingtohavealittlefunwiththis.Areyouguysupforsomefun?Therearethreeorfourofyouwhowantfun.Iwanttothrowoutthischallenge.Icansaythisuntil



I’mblueintheface.Guysrespondtochallenges.Here’sthedeal.Marriedguys,overthecourseofthenextthreeweeks,betweennowandthe18th,Iwantyoutoplanandexecutethemostcreativedatewithyourwife.Icouldtellmostoftheclapsarefeminineinnature.Iknowmostoftheguysarelike,“IknewIshouldn’thavecometochurchtoday.”Listen,I’mnottalkingdinnerandamovie,becausethat’snotcreative.Here’sthething.Ifyoudon’tknowwheretostart,Googlecreativedates.Therearetonsofideasoutthere.Youneedtogoanddoacreativedatethatshowshowmuchyouloveherandhowimportantsheistoyou.Andthenladies,afteryourmantakesyouonthiscreativedate,Iwantyoutoemailyourcreativedatestoryto:myhotdate@tpcc.orgThatisthefirsttimethisemailaddresseverexisted.ManyofyouthinkI’mjoking,andI’mnotjoking.IwantyoutoemailthatinbyMay18.Ourstaffwilllookatallthesestoriesthatcomein,andwewilldetermineawinner.ThewinnerwillgetanightoutatarestaurantandanightattheConraddowntownonus.Ohnowyou’reexcited.Herearethegroundrules,fellows,becauseIknowyou.Iknowhowcraftyyouare.Don’tjustgo,“Honey,justmakeupwhatevercreativedateyou’dliketogoon,emailitin,wewinandgototheConrad.”That’soutofbounds.Youcan’tdothat.We’llhavesomefunwiththisandseewhereitgoes.Oneofthemostimportantthingsdating,beforeandaftermarriage,doesisitteachesushowtocommunicatewitheachother.Iftheonlythingyou’redoingonadateismakingout,it’snotverysmart.You’vegottolearnhowtocommunicate.WeseethiswonderfulcommunicationgoingbackandforthbetweenSolomonandhisShulamitebrideasthey’reinteractingwitheachother.Hesaystoherinchapter1,verse12.“Howbeautifulyouare,mydarling,howbeautiful!Youreyesarelikedoves.”Nowbasically,intheancientworld,somebody’seyeswereanindicationoftheirpersonality.Thatisnotsodifferenttoday.Wesometimessay,“Eyesarethewindowstothesoul.”Sowhatheissayingis,“Honey,youarebeautifultomeontheoutside,butyouarejustasbeautifulontheinside.”Heisnotjustassumingsheknowsthat,heistellingher.Andsherespondstohiminverse16.Shesays,“Youaresohandsome,mylove,pleasingbeyondwords!Thesoftgrassisourbed.”



Ithinkoftentimesladieswanttobetoldtheyarebeautiful,butladies,don’tunderestimatethefactthatyourhusbandwantstobetoldheishandsome.Veryfewpeoplewillsaythattohim,norshouldthey,butwhereyourgirlfriendsmighttellyouthatyouarepretty,guysdon’tdothat.Aguydoesn’twalkintotheroomandsay,“Heybro,you’relookinghandsometoday.”Wesometimeswonder,“AmI?”andwewanttohearit.Shesays,“Youtakemybreathaway.Iamsometimesspeechless.”“Thankyouforsayingthesethingstome.Iknowthem,butIneededtohearthemagain.Sonowwecanthinkaboutandtalkaboutthebedroom.That’showthatworks.”Lastweekwementionedthatcommunicationisoneofthefourpitfallsmarriageexpertssayeverycoupleneedstonavigatethrough:Money,Communication,Intimacy,andFaith.Andwe’vejustgottofigureouthowtohonethisthing.Itoldyoulastweekthatnextmonth,inJune,I’llbemarried18yearsandI’mstilllearninghowtocommunicatewithLindsay,tohonethat.Manywomencomewithdifferentcommunicationstylesandthenyou’vegotpersonalitiesontopofthat.Formostladies,shemaynotmeanwhatshesays,buthesayswhathemeans.Ifshestandsintheclosetandsays,“Idon’thaveanythingtowear,”whatshemeansis,“Idon’thaveanythingnewtowear.”Hestandsintheclosetandsays,“Idon’thaveanythingtowear,”whathemeansis,“Idon’thaveanythingcleantowear.”It’saverydifferentthing.Youwalkintoasingleguy’sbathroom.He’sgotsixitems.He’sgotshampoo,arazor,shavingcream,barofsoap,andmaybesomestuffforhishair,andatowelrippedofffromaHolidayInn.That’sasingledude’sbathroom.Youwalkintoasinglelady’sbathroom—237items,mostofwhatareunidentifiabletothemalespecies.Andsocommunicationcanbeachallenge.That’swhyyou’vegottoworkonit,andyou’vegottogiveeachothergracewellintothemarriagerelationship.Idon’tknowhowmanymarriagerelationshipshavebeguntocomeundonewiththeseprivatethoughts,“Well,heshouldknow,”or“Sheshouldhavesaid,”andthenwebegintobelievetheworstversionofourspouseratherthanbelievinginthebestversionofourspouse.ThiscoupleinSongofSongsissointentionalintheircommunications.Wesawsomeexamplesofthislastweek,anditcontinuesinchapter2.Inverse1shesays,“IamaroseofSharon,alilyofthevalleys.”Andyoumighthearthatandthink,“Wow,shethinksshe’sallthatandabagofpotatochips,”right?Butreallyallsheissayingissheisstatingherinsecurities.BecauseifyoulookatthePlainsofSharon,



thereweremillionsofflowersonit,soshe’sbasicallysaying,“Ijustgetlostinthecrowd.I’moneamongmany.I’mjustanormallittlegal.There’snothingallthatspecialaboutme.”Sowhatisshedoing,ladies?She’sfishing.Shewantstohearsomethingfromherhusband.Thisistheancientversionof,“DoIlookfatinthesejeans?”That’swhatthatis.AndSolomonistunedinandhepicksuponit.Thinkofallthebadwaysthiscouldhavegone.Shecouldhavecomehome,putherpurseonthecounterandleanedback,“I’mjustaroseofSharon,alilyofthevalleys.”“What’sthat,honey?Youwantflowers?I’llbuyyousomeflowers,justgetthecreditcard.”Hecouldhavesaid,“I’mwatchingthegame.Couldyoukeepitdown?”That’sreallyinsensitive,right?Hecouldhavefallenintothetrapmostguysfallinto.Tellmewhattheproblemis,I’llfixitandwe’llbedoneintimefordinner.Shewantshimtolisten.Shewantshimtoconnect.AndthisiswhatSolomondoes,hepicksuponit.Lookatverse2.Hesays,“Likealilyamongthistlesismydarlingamongyoungwomen.”Nicejob,Solomon.Yougotitright.Andsherespondstohiminverse3.Shesays,“Likethefinestappletreeintheorchardismyloveramongotheryoungmen.”Itkindofseemslikeanunusualmetaphor,butthisisherwayofsaying,“Youstandoutfromalltherest.”Sheiswisehere.Hedoesn’twanttobecomparedtoaLily.Hewantstobecomparedtoanappletree.Andthat’swhatshedoes.Andthenshegoesoninverse3andshesays,“Isitinhisdelightfulshade…”Nowwhatintheworldisthatallabout?That’sastatementaboutsecurity,whichisoneofawoman’sgreatestneedsfromthemaninherlife.Itusuallytransfersfromherfathertoherhusband,whichiswhyphysicalandemotionalabuse,asidefromtheobviousreasons,isso,sodamaging.Shewantshissecurity.Nowladies,thisdoesnotmeanyouplaytheroleofthedamselindistress.Thisdoesn’tmeanyouarehelpless.Thisdoesn’tmeanyourlifedoesn’thavemeaninguntilyouhaveaman.That’snotatallwhatthatmeans.Whatitmeansisthatyourhusband,whenandifyougetmarried,shouldbeyourbiggestencourager.Heshouldbelieveinyouevenwhenyoudon’tbelieveinyourself.Heshouldbecheeringyouon.Infact,whenIofficiateawedding,Iwilloftentimeshavethegroomrepeatpartofthisvowtohisbride,sayingthis,“Ipromisetoloveyouwithoutreservation,honorandrespectyou,comfortyouintimesofdistress,encourageyoutoachieveallofyourgoals…”That’stheshadeofsecurity.Guys,that’swhatsheneedsfromyou.Ladies,Iknowthat’swhatyouneedinyourlife.



Sherespondstothis.Shesaysinverse3,“Isitinhisdelightfulshadeandtastehisdeliciousfruit.Heescortsmetothebanquethall;”andifthisisgettingkindofsteamy,justwait,“it’sobvious,”inotherwordshehasn’tleftherguessing.Sheknows.It’sobvioushowmuchhelovesme.“Strengthenmewithraisincakes,refreshmewithapples,forIamweakwithlove.”Sheisweakintheknees.“Hisleftarm,”getthevisualhere,“isundermyhead,”sohe’spulledthewholeyawningtrick,“andhisrightarmembracesme.”Nowgetthatpicture.Wheredoyouthinkthisisgoing?You’reright,heisleaninginandtheyaregettingreadyforapassionatekiss.Itisattheendofverse6.Lookwithmeatverse7.Clearlytheybrokeawayforacommercialbreak.They’regettingreadytoleaninandallofthesuddenshesays,“Promiseme,OwomenofJerusalem,”soapparentlyherfriendsarethere,whichiswhateveryguywantswhenheisgettingreadytokisshiswoman.Ifyouwereherelastweek,Isaidtherearethreedifferentperspectivesinthebook.You’vegottheperspectiveofayoungSolomon,you’vegottheperspectiveofhisShulamitebride,andyou’vegottheperspectiveofherfriends,thedaughtersofJerusalem.Rightbeforetheyaregettingreadytoexchangethisembrace,shesaystothem,“Promisemebythegazellesandwilddeer,nottoawakenloveuntilthetimeisright.“Nowwhatintheworldisthatallabout?Andwhatdogazelleshavetodowithanyofit?Well,gazellesareoftentimespicturedwiththegoddessofloveinancientart.Sowhatsheistalkingabouthereisthatthereisarighttimetoexpressloveinintimateways.It’salmostlikesheisspeakingtoyouandme,thereader,andsheissayingtous,“Youmightbeobservingtheintimacyofourrelationship,withallofthisflowerandappletreetalk.Youmighthearmetalkingabouttastinghisfruitandraisincakes,whichI’msuremeantnomorethaneatingagoodbreakfasttogether.Maybenot.Soyoumightseeusbeingphysicalorintimatewithoneanotherbecausewe’vedonethisright.Thisrelationshipisveryhealthy.Youmightlookinandyoumightsay,“That’swhatIwant.”That’sgreat,butdon’tawakenloveuntilthepropertime.Here’swhatthatmeans.Thesexualsideofarelationshipissacred,anduntiltherighttimedon’tshortchangeit.AndIknowourculturemakesthisalmostimpossibletoliveout.Itisupfrontandinourface24—7.Ifyouthinkofwhereourpopculturehastrendedinthelastfewdecades,we’vegonefromtheBeatles’“IWanttoHoldYourHand,”toGeorgeMichael’s“IWantYourSex,”toChristinaAguilera’s“Let’sGetDirty”to“It’sGettingHotinHeresoTakeOffAllYourClothes.”That’swherewe’vegone,tothepointthatthere’ssomethingwrongwithyouifyou’renotwillingtohookup.Theacceptedlineofthinkingis,“Howwillyouknowyou’recompatibleuntilyoudo?”Andmaybeyou’vebeeninchurchbefore,maybethisdoesn’t



surpriseyouthatIwouldsaythis,maybethisisallbrandnewinformationtoyou,butIthinkoftentimes,especiallyforthoseofuswhogrewupinthechurch,wethink,“Godinventedsex,butthenlaterHedecideditwasaterribleidea.AndsoHecreatedallthesewaysthatwecouldn’tactuallyenjoyit.”ButthatisnotwhatGodistryingtodo.AndtheBiblespeaksaboutthisspecificareaofourlives.Listen,Godknowshowpowerfullybonding,andthat’sthewordbonding,sexualintimacyisinourlives.AndIknowthisfliesinthefaceofpopcultureandeverythingyouwillheartherestoftheweek.Thereisnosuchthingas,“Itwasonlysex.”Godknowshowpowerfulthisgiftis.It’sagiftthatHehasgiventous,andHewantsustoexperienceittothefullest.Soifyouaredatingandyoujumpintothephysicalsidetoosoon,youshortchangethedevelopmentofproperintimacy.Youreallydo.Idon’tknowhowmanycouplesI’vespokenwithovertheyears,inmyofficeorjustoveracupofcoffeewhohavesaid,“Youknowwhat?Therelationshipwasgoingprettywelluntilitbecamephysicalandthenthewholerelationshipbecameaboutthatanditgotawholelotmorecomplicated.”Itisalothardertobreakupwithsomebodyyou’vegonetobedwithbecausethere’sbaggagewithit,andtherearememories,andforsomeofyouI’mspeakingrighttoyourexperience.Youhadtopackupsomethingsandtakethemintothenextrelationship.Eventuallyyouhadtounpackallthatstuffinyourmarriage.Godwantstospareyoufromthatpain.Sodevelopappropriatelevelsofintimacyalongthejourney,andwaituntilthattime.Iknowsomeofyoumightbesittingthereandmaybethisisallbrandnewtoyou.You’relike,“Man,I’veheardaboutpeoplelikeyoubutdoyoureallyexpectmetobelieveintheantiquated,old-fashionedpuritywait-until-you’re-marriedstuffjustbecausetheBiblesaysso?”YesIdo,yes.Here’swhy.NotjustbecausetheBiblesaysso,butbecausetheBiblehasverygoodreasonsforwhyitsaysso.Here’sthething.IfyouthinkGodisagainstyou,ifyouthinkGoddoesn’twantyoutohavefun,ifyouthinkGodwantsyoutosuppressyoururgesandyourfeelings,ifyouthinkGodistryingtoholdoutonyou,youwillreadtheBibleverydifferently.Iwantyoutohearthistruthrighthere,andthisisthetruthyouneedtowrestlewithabit.We’veheardtheterm“Godlovesyou,”almosttoomuch.Becausewe’rekindoflike,“Godlovesyou,”anditbecomeskindoflikewhitenoiseinourears,butyouneedtounderstandGodmorethanlovesyou.Godisforyou.Don’tmoveonfromthattruthtooquickly.Letitwashoveryou,marinadeinit,thinkaboutit.Ithinkformanyofusit’seasytogo,“Yeah,yeah,yeahGodlovesme,butHe



doesn’tlikeme.Godlovesme,butHedoesn’twantmetohavefun.Godlovesme,butHeisagainstme.Godlovesme,butHeishangingthesethingsovermyhead.”Godisforyou,meaningHecreatedyou.Hemadeyou.Hewiredyoutogether—yourpersonality,Heknowsthenumberofhairsonyourhead.Godisinyourcheeringsectioncheeringyouon.Idon’teventhinkitistoofartogotosay,“WhenGodthinksaboutyou,itbringsasmiletoHisface,”becausewhenIthinkaboutmyfourkids,evenwhenthey’renotaround,itbringsasmiletomyfacebecauseIlovethemandwantthebestforthem.I’mforthem,butIoftensaythingstothemtheydon’tlike,agreewith,believe,orunderstand.Myfive-year-olddaughter’sfavoritewordtomerightnowisno.Itdoesn’tmatterwhatitis,justno.She’sgoingtodoherownthing,andIwillcontinuetosaythingstoherthat,fromherperspective,kindofruinherday.ButI’mforher,andIwanttoabsolutebestforher.Sexualintimacyisagift,notaright.It’sagiftGodhasgiventous.Here’sthething.Wehaveatendencytoworshipthegiftsratherthanthegiverofthegifts.Sowhenyoutakesexualintimacyandyoujustdowithitwhateveryouwant,whatyou’redoingistakingthegift,openingit,andworshipingitandyou’reoverlookingthegiverofthegift.AndGodsays,“Listen,Iwantyoutoenjoythis.Iwantyoutoenjoyitandgetthemaximumofpleasurefromit.Sowillyoutrustmemorethanyoutrustyourbiologicalurges?”It’skindoflikethis.Let’sthinkofthisanalogy.Imaginesomebodygaveyouabrandnewboat.That’saprettygoodgift.Here’stheproblem.It’stheendofNovemberandyoucan’ttakeitoutforawhile.You’vegottowaitanIndianawintertotakeitoutonthelake.Soyouputitonthetrailer,youputthecoveroverit,youstoreit,putitinyourgarage,andbytheendofJanuaryyou’refedup.Youlookatthatthingandyousay,“Ican’twaittotakethisthingout,”andyou’relike,“Youknowwhat?Forgetit.”Yougooutandyou’reinthegarage,youopenthecover,sitintheseat,you’rerevvingtheengine.You’relike,“Thisisgreat,”butyou’renotreallygoinganywhere.Itisnotreallytheenvironmentitwasintendedordesignedtooperatein.Weallknowifyourunaboatoutofwater,it’sgoingtoruintheengine.Yougetintherethroughthemonthsandlet’sjustsaybythetimesummerrollsaroundit’snotgoingtobeinoptimalconditiontotakeoutonthelake,andyourexperienceinitisgoingtototallybediminished.ThisiswhatsexualintimacyiswheneveryoucrossthatlinebeforethewayGoddesigneditandbeforethesettingofacovenantmarriagerelationshipwhereyoucanseeitatits’best.Here’sthething.Alotofus,awholelotofushavemademistakesinthisareaofourlives.AndIdon’twantyoutofeelanyunnecessaryshameorcondemnation.Infact,I’m



notgoingto,butifIweretoaskpeopletoraisetheirhandsandsay,“Haveyoumessedupinthisareaofyourlife?”awholebunchofhandswouldgouparoundyouinwhateverroomyouhappenedtobesittinginrightnow.Andevenifyou’venotcrossedanylinesofphysicalintimacyinyourlife,theBiblesaysevenifyou’vethoughtaboutit,you’realreadyguiltyofit.We’reallinthesameboat,excusethepun.Thatkindofbackfiredonme.We’reallinthesameboat.I’mnottalkingdownatyou.I’mwithyouinthis.Iwantyoutohearthis.Godisforyou,andwhileHewantsyoutorecognizeanareaofsininyourlifethatmaybeyoudidn’tknowwassin,didn’tacknowledgeassin,ormaybedismissedassin,Hedoesn’twanttodanglethatoveryourhead,Hewantstofreeyoufromit.IlovethewordsoftheprophetIsaiahinchapter1,verse18,“‘Comenow,let’ssettlethis,’saystheLord.‘Thoughyoursinsarelikescarlet,Iwillmakethemaswhiteassnow.Thoughtheyareredlikecrimson,Iwillmakethemaswhiteaswool.’”Andmaybesomeofyouaresittinghererightnowandyou’relike,“Ineverknewthis.Ineverhearditthiswaybefore.”Or,“Ikindofknewit,butIdidn’ttakeitveryseriously.”Or,“Isortof,kindofdrifted,butwedidn’tthinkitwasthatbigofadeal.”Or,“Ireallymessedupinthisareaofmylife.We’remarriedrightnowandwe’vekindofcrossedsomelines,andnowwe’retryingtodealwiththisinourmarriagerelationship.”Whereveryouarerightnowwiththis,GodwillmeetyourightwhereyouareandHeoffersforgiveness,grace,healing,andsecondchances.Hereallydoes.Iknowforsomeofyou,you’vejustrecentlystartedfollowingJesus.YougotbaptizedjustacoupleofweeksagoonEaster.Andthisdecisiontocommittophysicalpuritymightbethebiggeststepoffaithsomeofyoumighttake,whereyouwillsay,“IwillliveandtrustGod’slogicandtruthonthismorethanItrustthetemporaryandfleetingpleasuresofthisworld.”Becausethetemporaryandfleetingpleasuresofthisworldpromiseawholelot,buttheydeliververylittle.It’sabadtrade.Andthegospelisthismessagethatblendsunbelievablyrealtruthwithunbelievablyrealgrace.It’sthisideathatyouandIarefarmoresinfulthanweevenrealized,butwearefarmorelovedthanweeverdaredtohope.It’sthisunderstandingthatweweresomessedup,Jesushadtodieforus.Itwasn’toptional.ButweweresolovedbyGodthatHewasgladtotakeourplaceanddieforus.Listen.Goddoesnotlovesomefuture,better,cleanedupversionofwhoyouare.Godlovesyouasyouarerightnow.Sosomeofyouaregoingtohearthisandfeelaguiltyconscience,you’regoingtofeeldirty,you’regoingtowonderifotherpeoplearejudgingyou.Nobodyisjudgingyou.



GodholdsoutHishandandsays,“HeylistenMychild,youbringasmiletoMyfacewheneverIthinkofyou.Trustme.I’mnotholdingoutonyou,Iwantthebestforyou.Andit’snevertoolatetobeginagain.”TodaywouldyoubewillingjusttotrustGodinthis?We’regoingtotakecommuniontogether.We’regoingtotakealittlepieceofbreadandsomejuicethatrepresentsthebodyandbloodofChrist.Ijustwanttoaskyouinthismomentatallofourcampuses,ifyou’reafollowerofJesustakethismeal,ifnot,justletitpass.It’stotallyfine.Nobodyisgoingtothinkanythingofit.Here’swhatI’mgoingtoaskyoutodo.IrealizethatIcoveredalotofmaterialhere.Someofitappliedtoyou,someofitdidn’t.WhatisonethingGodhityouwithrightbetweentheeyes?Iwantyoutospendalittlebitoftimeonthat.IwantyoutospendalittletimewithHim,thinkingandprayingaboutthat.LettheSpiritofGodministertoyourheartandjustsay,“God,whatisitYouwantmetohear?WheredoYouwantmetoobeyYou?WheredoyouwantmetotrustYou?”Overthesenextfewmomentsaswetakecommuniontogether,justdoalittlebitofbusinesswithaFatherwhoisforyouanddelightsinyou.Thentheteamwillcomeupandleadusinanothersonginaminute.Letmepray.Father,wecometoYourightnowandIknowthisisaminefield.Iknowtherearepeopleherewhothinkweshouldn’tbetalkingaboutthisinchurch,butwe’retalkingaboutitinchurchbecauseit’slife.It’sinfrontofus24—7,soweneedtotalkaboutit.Notonlythat,butYourwordtalksaboutit.WeneedguidancefromthewisdomofYourSpirit.GodIknowthereareawholebunchofpeoplewhoarehurting,andmayberealize,maybeaveilhasfallenfromtheireyesandthey’relike,“Ididn’tknow.I’mkindofinthemiddleofsomethinghereI’mashamedof.”GodIpraythatwhatwewouldhearishope,redemption,forgiveness,andaGodwhoisforusanddelightsinus.ButwehavebeentakenhostagebythedeceptionsofanenemywhowantsustobelieveatwistedversionofwhoYouare.GodIprayYourWordwouldcorrectourvision,giveuseyestoseeandearstohearfromalovingFatherwhowantsthebestforus.God,whereverwe’reat,single,dating,married,separated,widowed,GodIpraywecouldapproachthethroneofYouourFatherandYouwouldministertoourneedsintheseremainingmomentstogether.WeaskthisrightnowinJesus’name.Amen.

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Marriage Soundtrack Pop Hits… · power ballad. There are going to come some times when the soundtrack is going to change on you, and you’ve got to have the character to be able