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with new adoptions and adjustments. So, it is the moral duty of
all the in-laws to make that spacefor her, where she will learn
about everyones mental set-up bit by bit and respond and act
accordingly, but with time. After all everyone in the universe
is different and therefore they needto be treated differently
keeping in mind their self-respect and moral dignity. Same is in
the case
of the new bride in the family. She is also a new member, unique
in her own ways, also has her
own set of moral values and principles and needs to feel
comfortable, loved and mostly acceptedin the new environment where
she promised to spend the rest of the life with them. If she
doesntreceive the assurance and acceptance of her ownself with all
her faults and qualities, then it
becomes a very bitter endurance for the newly-wed. She feels
like a weed, a burden to thefamily, where she is not wanted,
expected or accepted. Human beings are not angels; so they will
have many mistakes. But a daughter-in-law has to play part like
an ideal human being, takingcare of everyone in the family, even
the tiniest household chore, and in doing so, if she receives
little or no support from the new family where she is, life
becomes a big punishment for her. Anew daughter-in-law expects to
obtain all the love, affection and respect from her in-laws
that
she used to receive from her own family-members. But very seldom
it happens. So the in-lawsshould at least focus on thinking how
they can help her out by providing very little of that love,
affection and honor that she has left in her own family, in
pursuit of the new destination calledShoshur-bari, where she is
living with them. In such a scenario, the husband can and
should
play a very vital role to build the bridge between the new
member in the family and the rest ofthe people on the other side. A
husband must know and understand that his wife is fully
dependent on him and also his sole responsibility. So whatever
small or big adjustments that sheneeds to make should be easily and
openly discussed between the newly-weds keeping in mind
that the words remain closed beyond the closed doors of complete
privacy to avoid furtherimpact of the conversation from anyone
outside. If thoroughly discussed with generous
consideration from both the angles, then many (if not all) major
and critical matters get sortedout slowly. Of course the new bride
also has to evolve patience and endurance to see those
problems getting melted down because nothing can be built or
changed overnight, other thancomplete destruction. These small
silly issues if not deliberately handled with care in the right
time with care, consideration and sincerity from both the newly
weds can later reflect to create abigger menace within the family
environment.
Same is in the case of the groom also, but he is in a slightly
favorable position than that of the
bride. He does not have to leave his own territory to implant
himself in a new environment and
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act according to the mind-frame of others (his in-laws)
consistently and also strive to maintain allthe family, social,
obligations or responsibilities bestowed on him. Rather he gets a
life-long
partner, a companion, and a best friend who will contribute to
his joys and sorrows, successesand failures, dreams and fears by
being on his side all the time. When the husband is ill, she
will
take the best care of him; when he needs help, she will do all
she can for him.
Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a
fixed entity. It is sometimesweak and at times vibrant. Feelings
can and do change with time. Love may wither like falling
leaves and fade away like hue. The marital bond might weaken if
not properly taken care for.Happiness in marriage cannot be taken
for granted; continuous happiness requires constant
giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain
alive and keep growing, the soil hasto be sustained, maintained,
watered and nurtured. Always men should try their level best to
be
good to their wives by words and by deeds. A husband should talk
to her, smile to her, seek heradvice, ask for her opinion, spend
quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet
Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "the best of you are those
who are best to their wives." Afterall, everything that a wife
lastly wants is just the love, affection and support from her
husband, if
unfortunately she cant acquire it from others around. Remember
that a husband will berewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any
emotions he shows to his wife as the Prophet
Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "one would be rewarded for
anything that he does seekingthe pleasure of Allah even the food
that he puts in the mouth of his wife." A woman has the
strength to overcome all sorrows and pain and bring smile in
everyones faces, by hiding hertears, if she receives that little
consideration or love from those arouns that she lives with.
