For 95 Points Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. However, they de­

cided to party instead. So, when they went to the test, they decided to tell the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study.

The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just abour everything.

Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to separate classrooms to take the exam. Each shrugged and went to two different parts of the building. As each sat down, they read the first question.

"For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom." At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake,

and answered the question with ease. Then, the test continued ... "For 95 points, tell me which tire it was."

"You nave reacned our 24~nour ~mergency Support L.ine.

Our office nours are from 9:00 AM to 5:00 PM ... "

Legal Advice A doctor and a lawyer met at a party. Having not seen each other for some

time they struck up a conversation. It was difficult to follow as they were con­

stantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor

for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you

do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're our of the office?"

"I give it to them;' replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bilL"

The doctor was shocked, bur agreed it was worth a try. The next day, still

feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills, then he went to place

them in the mailbox. Picking up his mail first, he found a bill from the lawyer

and peace of mind to post his bills.

WE SHARE THE SAME COMMITMENT. We share a commitmentto serve our community. Thank you Rick Beer. Agent

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• ~b!~ I FITNESS

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Little Bear Bookkeeping ~~ www.littlebearbookkeeping.ca

"Good Bookkeeping Makes Good Cent$"

Ht Start Up £" Payroll-ROE's-T4's ~ Bank Reconciliation !f Source Documentation ~ Gov't Remittances ~ Monthly Financial Statements

Patricia Doucette OwnerjBookkeeper< 613-246-6482

Call Jon to Advertise

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Guys & Gals Full Service Salon Steph Saunders Owner 613-498-9898

W hat

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Loving atmosphere~ Trims Baths Nails ~V'

Paula Fairfield 613-345-6220 ;' 0 0 . I

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I UN/ROYAlI ~-·;·;;;·:;w

HAVE A QUESTION? ...,...,. OR WANT A QUOTE? "::::;..~::

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Accident or Miracle?

The parents of two boys (14 and 16 year-olds) went on a trip for the weekend with friends . They left early Friday morning and the boys were left alone at home.

That evening the younger boy made the suggestion that they take their dad 's car and go to the disco. The 16 year-old boy could drive a bit but was too scared. After some nagging he gave in and off they went to enjoy the evening.

When they got back to the car after a lot of discothequeing, they noticed a huge dent in the rear of the car - someone must have bumped into the car and drove off. Frantically they phoned their friends to find a panelbeater/spraypainter to fix their dad's car.

Finally they found one and the car was fixed properly. They parked it back in the garage that afternoon.

Their parents returned the next day but the boys were too terrified to say anything about the accident. The father went to get something from the garage, came back very amazed and said to the family in the lounge, "A miracle has happened! A guy drove into the back of my car on Thursday and now it is fixed without a scratch!"

2

8 1 4

6

4

1 7

6

7 9

5 8

Sad Facts

Michael Jordan makes more money from

Nike annually than all of the Nike factory

workers in Malaysia combined.

5

5 2

1 I 7 8 5 ,

3

6 4 I

9

C Canadian Facts C 1987 • Canadian sprinter Ben Johnson sets a new world record (Aug. 30) for

the 100-metre dash.

1988 • Ben Johnson sets a world record and wins the gold medal at the Seoul

Olympics in Korea (Sept. 24). Testing positive for steroids, he is

stripped of his medal two days later.

1989 -< • Free Trade goes into effect . ...... C/) • ...... Heather Erxleben becomes Canada's first acknowledged female combat

soldier. ~ o • C

One-dollar bills are replaced by the one-dollar coin, popularly called the

"loonie." ?:' Z

~ Famous Quotes

~ Strive for perfection in everything you do.

to Take the best that exists and make it better. C/) ...... ~ t'Ti

~ ~ (') CJ C "T1 "T1

~ Z

When it does not exist, design it.

~ Sir Frederick Henry Royce - o/Rolls-Royce

What do you call a big fish who makes you an

offer you can't refuse?

~ The Codfather!

Science Experiments

~ • 1 oup of w"h;ng ,od, to

Making a present for someone, experimenting at home or just want to

relax in a hot bath? Try making your own bath salt!

You will need:

?:' • A plastic bag

o . A rolling pin

(') • A bowl

~ • A spoon for stirring

F • Essential oil r t'Ti (')

>-

• Food coloring Try It! 1. Take the cup of washing soda and pur it into a plastic bag. Crush the lumps

with a rolling pin or similar object.

2. Empty the bag into a bowl and stir in 5 or 6 drops of your favorite essential

oil such as rosemary, lavender or mint.

3. Stir in a few drops of food coloring until the mixture is evenly colored.

4. Pur the mixture into clean dry containers and enjoy as you please. What is

the science to it?

Bath Salts are typically made from Epsom salts (magnesium sulfate), table

salt (sodium chloride) or washing soda (sodium carbonate). The chemical

make up of the mixture makes it easy to form a lather. Bath salts are said to

improve cleaning and deliver an appealing fragrance when bathing.

Courtney Sadler Owner

1 ~~~lii~ Downtown Brockville Need a special Book?

Give us a call

73 King StW Brockville, ON

With Us! Order

Any800k!!

613-342-5728 www.leedscountybooks.ca

ThiS areas # 1 supplier of topographical maps & fiver charts. read@leedscountybooks.ca

At S PIANO SHOP 3 PIANO'S, S1000.00 EA. YOUR CHOICE

TUNINGS, Sales, Restorations & Moving Brockvi lle, Prescott & Surrounding Areas (613) ~25 -0 24 www.alspianoshop.ca

.". Plumbing, Heating & Water Services Inc .

Ph: 613-925-0000 Fax: 613-925-0129

Call the plumbing & water experts today!

GOULDS 24fl Service san~Tec· PUMPS 3526 County RD 26, Prescott, ONT. ~

R Rust Check Auto Cal'e Plus I.. 1.. t'o~en imitated, never duplicated" ~v~ Rust Check

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to " hQ"''' Give Her A Clean Car! ~o , ,,0 Auto Detailing

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Pick up McGuffy's News every week!!

At over 140 Locations in Brockvillel Athens North Augusta/Lyn Mallory town & Rockport

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ROSEMARY'S OPTICAL SHOP

Rosemary Coleman Owner LicellsedOpticiari

• Quality Eyewear GUESS

• Contact Lenses • Eye Exams Arranged • 24 Years of Experience

51 King 51. West, Srockville, ON 613 -498 -2200

Fax 613 -498 - 2205

Canadian Hearing Society Free home or office visits

• improve communication • improve safety in your home

• assistive listening devices· hearing aid batteries Please call us to find out more about our programs and services

Phone 613-498-3933 TTY 1-877-817-8209 \-, ~ Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205

• CHSISCO United Way Srockville, Ontario K6V OA7 ~~;~~:,:::::~~~~

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VISA

Tank Of Fish

Two fish in a tank.

One turns to the other and says,

"Hey! You know how to drive this?"

Descriptive

Denture Specialist

• (omplete - partial dentures • Relines· Repairs • Soft Liners • Implant dentures No Referrals Necessary!

The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet

of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

A Fresh Perspective

Five Truths of Accountability

I've been speaking on or writing about PERSONAL AC,

COUNTABILITY since 1995-and I've come to believe there are

five truths that are self-evident:

1. Everybody wants everybody else to practice personal account­

ability. Enough said.

2. Individuals make exceptions for themselves when it comes to ac­

countability / responsibility/ ownership:

Example: IfI earned an annual income of, say, $65,000 back when

the real estate market was peaking, but bought a half million dollar

home-and then lost that home-it was due to "predatory lending."

But if a neighbor flies to Vegas, gambles away his entire net worth

and comes back broke, we think, "Wow. That was really stupid. What

a foolish thing for him to do!" Sometimes, we need to say that to

ourselves, and then ask The ~estion Behind the ~estion (QBQ),

"What can I learn from this experience?"

3. I am more effective in all roles-father, mother, professional,

spouse, friend, volunteer-when I practice personal accountability.

4. Life is more enjoyable-downright more fun!-when I walk on

the High Road of Personal Accountability.

5. It's simply the "right thing to do." The wrong things to do are

blame, whine, point fingers, play victim, become entitled-and expect

others to bail me out of my bad choices.

Now, if you don't agree with these five ideas-that's just fine. But

that's the way I see it.

John G. Miller Author of ... 'QBQ! The Question Behind the Ques­tion"', 'Flipping the Switch ... Unleash the Power ofPersonalAccountabil­

ity; 'Outstanding! 47 Tfays to Make Your Organization Exceptional', http://www.qbq.com/Denver. Colorado, USA 303-286-9900

John@QBQcom

CALL FOR ENTRIES JUNI;: 28TH -1000 Island Mall, Brockville If you're 65 or over, shore your musical gift with us and you could be Chartwell's next Senior Star Champion! Please stop by Mayfield or Rosedale to pick up your

egistration form to participate. [ntries due by June 4th.

ROS~DAL~ RHIR~M~NT C[NTR~

1813 County Rd. 2~ . , Brockville

613-342-0200

MAVI=I~LD RHIR~M~NT R~SID~NC~

248 Pork St. W., Prescott

613-925-3784 www_chartwellreit_ca

What are You Chasing?

Ever hear about the greyhound races? Those dogs are fast! They run so fast because they're chasing a mechanical rabbit that they never quite catch. A friend told me that one day on a racetrack in Florida an interesting thing happened: the rabbit broke so the dogs caught it!

You would think the dogs would be happy to finally catch the rabbit after all those races in which they couldn't quite get a bite out of him. But actu­ally when they caught the mechanical rabbit, they didn't know what to do! They became confused and depressed-they lost their putpose. In fact, I was told they never recovered and were ruined as race dogs. (Maybe it's because mechanical rabbits don't taste very good!)

Made me wonder what kind of things I am chasing in my life. Ifl catch them will they be worth it? Or will I look back and shake my head in disbelief?

Something to think about. What are You Chasing?

May is Speech and Hearing Awareness Month

Almost 25% of adult Canadians report some degree of hearing loss

while over 50% of Canadians over the age of 65 have a hearing loss. The

Hearing Care Counseling program at The Canadian Hearing Society

(CHS) provides counseling, education, and support services to hard of

hearing adults ages 55+, their family, and caregivers. Through office or

home visits, we provide support in understanding hearing loss, managing

difficult listening situations, and improving communication. We offer

a wide variety of communication devices such as amplified telephones,

TV listening devices, and alerting systems so you can live safely and

independently in YOut home. Services for younger adults aged 16 - 54

and mental health services are also available.

May is Speech and Hearing Awareness month . - a great tIme to contact us!

For more information please call 613-498-

3933 (TTY: 1-877-817-8209), visit us at

68 William Street (2nd floor, Centre Pointe

Plaza, Brockville), or email usatinfo@chs.ca.

Our website is www.chs.ca

Sue Baker, Program Assistant and

Angela PagnieUo-Mande, Hearing

Care Counsellor. (right to left)

e, ;'Z United Way • Leeds & Grenville

Change starts here.

Call (613) 342-°428 to have your business featured here!

Live Entertainment ~ Billiards ~ Darts ~ Shuffleboard Big Screen ~ NHL Package ~ NFL ~ Nascar Sundays

Monday's - Pool League 7pm Thurdays - Karaoke

Fridays - Live Entertainment 8pm -12pm

Sam's May & June Line-Up:

A G E

a F M A J

May 11 Backlash June 1 Blues Highway ~ I

May 11 Blues Daddy 3-7pm

May 18 The Journey Men

May 15 Loaded 6 String

June 1 Relay for Life ~ Charity Event 7pm (Pool/OartsiGamesiKaraokeiPrizes)

June 8 Journey Men June9 GenIX3-7

24 Perth St, Brockville, ON (613)4981919

Quotations

Quotations: Prosperity

Prosperity depends more on wanting what you have

than having what you want. ~ Albert F. Geoffrey

True prosperity is the result of well-placed confidence

in ourselves and our fellow man. ~ Benjamin Burt

Prosperity in the form of wealth works exactly the

same as everything else. You will see it coming into

your life when you are unattached to needing it.

~ 1¥tzyne Dyer

McGuffy's News Website!!

Attention Readers! Now even more fun, McGuffy's

News has now websites in Brockville and Prescott. You

can go to www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca or www.mc­

guffysnewsprescott.ca and view our virtual paper and

also check our JOKE OF THE DAY! (You can even

submit a joke-clean of course!) Or see our VIDEO

OF THE WEEK! Or CHECK OUT THE MOST

COMPREHENSIVE COMMUNITY EVENTS

CALENDAR IN THE AREA (you can submit

events for non-profit groups i.e. schools/organizations

etc) and also view our COMMUNITY PHOTO

GALLERY (You can send in your own pictures of

events/ pets/ cars/boats/ children/ awards/ school!

funny photos/ garden/ fishing/ etc. Anything you want

to send to share with readers/ and the community. We

will also have Sudoku and Crosswords you can play,

on-line games and a lot more!!!!

Check it out today and share with friends and fam­

ily that McGuffy's News is now on-line in your area!!!

Advertise Your Non-Profit Community Event

in McGuffy's News!

Word Ads Starting at $15.~oHsT (SO Words or Less)

RealLaws?

1. In California, community leaders passed an ordi­

nance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and

stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of

water.

2. In Florida, women may be fined for falling asleep

under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.

3. In Florida, if an elephant is left tied to a parking

meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

4. Citizens are not allowed to attend a movie house

or theater nor ride in a public streetcar within at

least four hours after eating garlic in Indiana.

8 Foot Alligator

Croiky! See Ya Later Alligator! It is bad

enough to have a mouse scampering around

the house bur imagine hearing a noise, then

turning on the light to find an eight foot al­

ligator in your kitchen! That's what happened

to 69 year old Sandra Frosti of Tampa Florida.

The burgling gator pushed its way through

a screen porch door probably in search of

food, walked through the house until it was

discovered by Frosti in the kitchen. Luckily,

neither one was hurt.

CANADA What's weird:

• Canadians consume more macaroni and cheese than

any other nation on earth .

• There are no snakes, skunks or poison ivy on the

island of Newfoundland

School Smarts

Teacher: Billy, name two pronouns.

Billy: Who, me?

Teacher: Very good!

Celebrity Quotes

There's been nothing bur discipline, discipline, discipline all my life.

~ Celine Dion

Fresh Fish

Across

4. Holy __

6. Hungry predator fish

7. Common edible

sunfish

8. Small minnow fish

10. Small freshwater pike

12. Large marine

sport fish

13. Small Fish

14. Freshwater game

fish

1 S. A clupeid

Job Search Jargon

Down

1. Small salmon like fish

2. Large-headed catfish

3. Crowded into cans

S. Cod-like marine food

9. "Finnan haddie" fish

11. Small sunfish

Whether you are a student looking for that first time or summer job or a

long time veteran looking for a change of pace, this job search jargon should

help you get on your way ...

CAREER-MINDED: We expect that you will want to flip hamburgers until you are 70.

SELF-MOTIVATED: Management won't answer questions

SOME OVERTIME REQYIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend

DUTIES WILL VARY:

Anyone in the office can boss you around.

Interesting Facts

1. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

2. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the

morning.

3. The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

4. The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.

5. Marilyn Montoe had six toes. (rumor)

6. All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being

seen wearing them in public.

7. Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

Beauty Of A Woman

The beauty of a woman

isn't in the clothes she wears,

The figure that

she carries,

or the way she

combs her hair.

The beauty of a

woman

must be seen

from in her eyes;

Because that's the

doorway to her

heart, the place

where love resides.

Sudoku Solution

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The beauty of a woman isn't in a facial mole;

But true beauty

in a woman,

is reflected by

her soul.

It's the caring

that she cares

to give,

the passion

that she shows;

And the beauty

ofa woman

with passing years only grows.

Crossword Solution

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Maple Heights Tree Service Serving the Seaway and Ottawa Valley

ProfessionaL .. Yet Affordable

, • Tree Removal • Fully Insured • Stump Grinding • Free Estimates

DOUG CHAPMAN-PRESIDENT 1-877 -MAPLE-lO mapleheights@xplornet.ca (1-877-627-5310)

~

G ol ) Eastern Ontario's Largest

Selection of Orthotic

rteker fTTTTTTTfT.

'g{iJJJ ~~ & Comfort Footwear INF NITV

OOStlOES

Gift Certificates K' 5 E B k '11 0 Available 46 mg t ast, roc VI e, n ~ 613-342-7111 cell 613-340-6330 YOM S.

WAl1,KERS

heather chapman

Canadian and US tax

Individual and Corporate

Accounting Services

CHARTERED ACCOUNTANT 613-246-9850 hchapman@xplornet.com

Heather Chapman, B Comm, CA, CPA

New & Old - DrywalljWood ke Dowdall, Owner thepainterman3@hotma

Advertise Your Spa Specialties.

Call Jon for details.

(613) 342-0428

Eastern Independent Telecom Refurbishing Centre

Quality Refurbished Computers at Amazing Prices!!!

613-342-9652 Ext# 224 100 5trowger Blvd

Brockville, Onto Enter off Central Ave.

Mictosoft' REGISTERED

Refurbisher

SPECIAlIZING IN: VEHICLE WRAPS

· FLEETTRUCKS

· PAINT PROTECTION · HEAVY EQUIPMENT

· SOLVENT PRINTING · VEHICLE STRIPES

· REAL ESTATE SIGNS

· ILLUMINATED SIGNS

Airport Shuttle

Tel: 613-345-4915 www.cwaylimo.com

Brockville· Ontario· Canada

ROSEMARY'S OPTICAL SHOP rR,~g"~

EYE!)'IEAR LOOKS 'I

Single vision eyewear lenses & frames $129.00

or 1 year supply $199.00 Acuve advance plus

(free trial fitting included)

51 King St. West, Brockvilie, ON (613) 498-2200 Fax (613) 498-2205

BonLen Place offers an independent Yet active adult lifestyle combining the advantages of serene country setting with shopping, medical care & entertainment.

Features & Benefits Stunning 1 & 2 bdrm suites • Stainless steel appliances • Rich cherry cabinetry • Safety walk-in tubs • Sma II pets welcome • Protected by secu rity entra nce • All heat & hydro included • High speed internet available • Social activities & occasional group meals • All windows with blinds • Free laundry facilities with energy efficient appliances • Community room protected by power generator in case of power loss And much more! O~

~PLAC E~

903 County Rd 21 R.R. # 4 Spencerville,On 613-341 -1195 www.bonlenplace.com

Your business, your needs,

our Help

Doug Phillips Financial Security Advisor

613-342-4401, ext. 251 ,-1o...IIJ. doug.phillips@f55f.com '1 Freedom 55

Financial

Gord Phillips, REBC, GBA, RHU Financial Security Advisor

~~ 613-342-4401, ext. 233 _L.&l. gord.phillips@f55f.com A division of London Ute Insurance Company

Freedom 55 Financial and design are trademarks of London Life Insurance Company.

"Parents and Children JJ

Making the decision to have a child-it's momentous. It is to decide forever to

have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~ Elizabeth Stone

Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts oflittle children. ~ Wil­liam Makepeace Thackery

And so our mothers and grandmothers have, more often than not anony­

mously, handed on the creative spark, the seed of the flower they themselves

never hoped to see -- or like a sealed letter they could not plainly read.

~ Alice -walker

Most children suffer too much mother and too little father. ~ Gloria Stein em

Statistics You cannot feed the hungry on statistics.

D ~ David Lloyd George

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would

have put them on my knees.

Bizarre Real Lift Animal Laws

1. In Pennsylvania, no one is allowed to shoot bullfrogs

on a Sunday.

2. In Arizona, the bullfrog-hunting season is perma­

nently closed.

3. In Vermont, you can be fined if your pig runs in a

public park without the permission of a selectman.

4. French Lick Springs, Indiana, once passed a law re­

quiring all black cats to wear bells on Friday the 13th.

5 ads you should check out in this issue! ./ Wine Kitz Customer Appreciation Sale

./ Hwy 29 Auto Service

./ Riverside Ford - We Sell Tires (email for a quote)

./ Aqua Plus Pools

./ Pauline's Lingerie