Meeting 9

Tosspon

English 155

Agenda:Capitalization & PunctuationWords & WordinessPeer Review Benchmark Papers

Agenda Meeting 9

Awesome!

1 Soccer 2

Wordiness &Word Logic 3Benchmark

PaperPeer Review

Capitalization & PunctuationDo!• Days of the week, months of

the year, holidays• Language, nationalities,

races, religions, deities, sacred terms

• Titles: the first word and every important term

• First words of direct quotes• Historical events, periods• Brand names• People’s names and titles

Don’t• Seasons• Common nouns that refer to

religious places like “church”• Titles: do not capitalize

articles (the), prepositions (of, under, over), or short connecting words (or, and) unless they start the title

• Directions (north, south, east and west- unless used in a place name)

Soccer Rules

• Form into 2 teams• 15 minutes to correct the capitalization and punctuation on the

handout• Teams will start by assigning a player to respond. • That player is responsible for answering that question.• The ball will move one line forward for each ITEM the player

corrects from the handout, IN ORDER• If they player misses one, the other team has a chance to

“steal” the ball and move it down the field the opposite direction. If they make an error, the original team can steal back

• Both teams will try to move the ball down the field• When a team scores, the ball starts all the way at the other end

of the field.

Eliminating Wordiness“[Y]ou can think of your draft as a puzzle; to solve it, you have to find and eliminate the superfluities that obscure your meaning. The object is to delete as many words as possible without sacrificing substance or nuance.”

-Claire Kehrwald Cook

2

Eliminating Wordiness

• Eliminate wordiness in the editing stage of the writing process.

• With practice you will automatically eliminate wordiness as you draft your papers.

Avoid “Be” Verbs

•am•are•is •was•were•being•been

“Be” verbs are considered action-less verbs and should be changed to active verbs when appropriate.

Avoid “Be” Verbs

The boring textbook was being read by the students.

change to

The students read the boring textbook .

Avoid “Be” Verbs

It is better to become a nurse instead of a teacher.

change to

Nursing pays better than teaching does.

WARNING!!!

Sometimes you should use “be” verbs.

•I am 21 years old.

Or if the agent—the one performing the action—is unknown, you may use the passive voice.

•The walls had been defaced by graffiti.

Active vs. Passive Verbs

In sentences written in the active voice, the subject performs the action expressed by the verb.

•Roseanne wrote the paper.

Active vs. Passive Verbs

In academic writing (with the exception of scientific writing) active sentences are preferred over passive ones.

Active vs. Passive Verbs

In sentences written in the passive voice, the subject receives the action expressed by the verb.

•The paper was written by Roseanne.

Active vs. Passive

Passive: The Old Man and the Sea was written by Hemingway.

change to

Active: Hemingway wrote The Old Man and the Sea.

Active vs. Passive

Passive: It is believed by some critics that Psycho is Hitchcock’s greatest film.

change to

Active: Some critics believe that Psycho is Hitchcock’s greatest film.

WARNING!

At times, it may be appropriate to write in the passive voice. The passive voice is preferred in scientific papers.

•Experiments have been conducted to test the safety of generic pharmaceuticals.

English and Humanities papers, however, are written in the active voice.

•Dr. Harker conducted experiments to test the safety of generic pharmaceuticals.

Condense Phrases into Single Words

The employee with ambition got the promotion.

change to

The ambitious employee got the promotion.

Condense Phrases into Single Words

Rob decided to retake the class at a later date in time.

change to

Rob decided to retake the class later.

All these phrases can be condensed into one word.

• the reason for• for the reason that• due to the fact that• in light of the fact that• considering the fact that• this is why

= because, since, why

All these phrases can be condensed into one word.

• on the occasion of• in a situation in which• under circumstances in which = when

All these phrases can be condensed into one word.

• it is crucial that• it is necessary that• there is a need for• it is important that• cannot be avoided

= must, should

All these phrases can be condensed into one word.

• it is possible that• there is a chance

that• it could happen that• the possibility exists

for

= may, might, could

Avoid Repetitive Wording

end result

past experience

share in common

small in size

= end

= past

= share

= small

Avoid Repetitive Wording

made a discovery

made an attempt

made an accusation

made an appearance

made a decision

= discovered

= attempted

= accused

= appeared

= decided

Avoid THESE Wordings

I thought in my headI thought to myself

In my mind, I think

In my opinion, I think

= I thought

= I think

Avoid overusing expletives at the …………beginning of sentences

Wordy: It is the governor who signs or vetoes bills. (9 words)

Concise: The governor signs or vetoes bills. (6 words)

Wordy: There are four rules that should be observed: ... (8 words)

Concise: Four rules should be observed:... (5 words)

Wordy: There was a big explosion, which shook the windows, and people ran into the street. (15 words)

Concise: A big explosion shook the windows, and people ran into the street. (12 words)

form it + be-verb or there + be-verb

Review

• Avoid “be” verbs: am, are, is, was, were, being, been.

• Use active rather than passive verbs.

• Condense phrases into single words.

• Omit repetitive wording.

Paramedic Method – Guide to Writing Concisely

• Circle the prepositions (of, in, about, for, onto, into)• Draw a box around the "is" verb forms• Ask, "Where's the action?"• Change the "action" into a simple verb• Move the doer into the subject

(Who is kicking whom?)• Eliminate any unnecessary slow wind-ups• Eliminate any redundancies.

Paramedic Method Practice

1. The point I wish to make is that the employees working at this company are in need of a much better manager of their money.

1. Circle the prepositions(use handout)

2. Draw a box around the “is” or “be” verb

3. Ask “where is the action.”

4. Begin rewrite, using the action as your main verb

Rewrite: The point I wish to make is that the employees working at this company need need ____________________:

Rewrite: The point I wish to make is that the employees working at this company need ________________.

5. Move “doer” to the subject

6. Eliminate any unnecessary slow wind-ups

7. Eliminate any redundancies.

Rewrite: Employees at Smith & Wesson need a better money manager.

Paramedic Method Practice

2. It is widely known that the engineers at Sandia Labs have become active participants in the Search and Rescue operations in most years.

3. After reviewing the results of your previous research, and in light of the relevant information found within the context of the study, there is ample evidence for making important, significant changes to our operating procedures.

2. In recent years, engineers at Sandia Labs have participated in the Search and Rescue operations. (Original word count: 24. New word count: 16).

3. After reviewing the results of your research, and within the context of the study, we find evidence supporting significant changes in our operating procedures. (Original word count: 36. New word count: 25).

2 Word Logic

Chpt 7

There, Their, They’re• There is an adverb meaning "that location." It is sometimes used with

the verb to be as an idiom. It is spelled like here which means "this location." – I put the collar right there. (that location) – There are five prime numbers less than ten. (with to be)

• Their is a possessive pronoun. It always describes a noun. – Note the spelling of their. It comes from the word they, so the e comes

before the i. – Their dog has fleas. (possessive of they)

• They're is a contraction of they are. – Note the spelling: The a from are is replaced by an apostrophe. – They're number 1! (contraction of they are)

Ways to remember. If you see HERE it is a place! (Where, There, Here). If you see HEIR it means they own something.

To, Too, Two

• To is a preposition which begins a prepositional phrase or an infinitive. – We went to a baseball game. (preposition) – We like to watch a good ball game. (infinitive)

• Too is an adverb meaning "excessively" or "also." Way to remember: TOO is extra, also, excessive. It has excessive O’s – We ate too much. (meaning "excessively") – I like baseball, too. (meaning "also")

• Two is a number. Way to remember: Words which reflect the number two are spelled with tw: twin, twice, between, tweezers, etc. – Six divided by three is two. (number) – They own two Brittany spaniels. (number)

Who’s/Whose

• Who's is a contraction of who (pron.) and is (v.)– Who's awesome?

Whose means “who owns” or “who was”, etc. It is a possessive pronoun (adj.)

– Whose responsibility was it to bring eggs?

Whose → those

Who’s = who is

Your, You’re

• your is a possessive adjective, indicating ownership of something

• That is your sock.• Where is your potato?

• you're is a contraction (combination) of you and are

• Do you know what you're doing?• You're stupid.

• WTR: if you own it, it is yours. If you can replace it with You Are, then it is you’re

Its/It’s

• It's is a contraction for it is. – It's been good to know you. it has– It's a trap! Contraction: it is

• Its is a possessive pronoun meaning, more or less, of it or belonging to it. – The cat liked its carrier.

• WTR: A simple test– If you can replace it[']s

in your sentence with it is or it has, then your word is it's; otherwise, your word is its.

Quiet, Quite, Quit

• Quiet (adj) “of little activity,” (n.) meaning “tranquility” or “silence.”(v.) “to cause to be quiet.”– After lunch the children enjoyed an hour of quiet play. – We enjoyed the quiet of the countryside.

• Quite (adv) - “totally” or “completely.”– She was quite exhausted after the warm-up exercise.

• Quit - to stop, cease, desist. – I quit smoking.

Which, Witch

• Which – options– Which way should we go?

• Witch – evil, bad, or magical female– My sister is a witch.

Way to remember: A witch is a *itch that you don’t want to mess with.

Choose/chose

• Choose is PRESENT TENSE for making a choice in the present. – You choose to take a Tylenol right now.

• Chose is PAST TENSE – tells that a choice was made in the past. – You chose tequila last night.

WTR: 1 O = Over, happened in the past

Than / Then

• Than is a conjunction used with comparisons. rhymes with pan. – He likes you more than me.

• Then is an adverb that refers to time. It rhymes with pen. – First you take a cup of flour,

and then you sift it.

WTR: ThAn for CompArison

Then ← when ?

Than = compare

Whether, Weather

• Weather is usually a noun, can also be verb that means "to be affected by the weather” or "to get/live through”– How's the weather?– The weather is always great this time of year– That house is really weathered– I know we can weather this crisis

Whether is a conjunction that introduces possibilities or alternatives:– The cat can’t choose whether to cause

mischief or not. – Whether you win or lose,

you'll have done your best•

Ways to remember: whether is interchangeable with "if," while weather indicates the temperature and atmospheric conditions.

Cite/Site/Sight• Cite – to quote, summon, commend or call.

Cite the author in an endnote.The officer cited the drunk driver.

• Site – location, area, computer website, or to place something in an area You visit a Web site or the

site of the crime.

• Sight – the act of seeing, a view, a glimpse/ observation, to look in a direction.I lost my sight in an accident.

Cite = Call attention to

Site = Scene, location

Sight = vision

Waist/Waste

• Waste: (n) discarded objects, (v) to use carelessly– He wasted too much time.– The waste was toxic!

• Waist – (n) middle portion of the body– This model is bending at the waist.

Way to remember: if its on my body, it needs an i.

We’re, Were, Where

• Were – (v) past tense of are. – Their eyes were watching god.

• We’re – contraction of we (pronoun) + are (v). – We’re not perfect.

• Where (adv) is at/in what place.– Where is Carmen Sandiego?

WTR – when you see HERE it is a place!

Through / Threw

• Through means from one point to its end (adv.) or because of (prep.) – I went through a lot of pain.

• Threw is the past tense of throw which means to toss or to fling (v.) – He threw the ball right at me!

Way to remember: -EW = an action, a THROW. Btw “thru” is an abbreviation, it’s NOT to be used outside

of text messaging.

Write, Right, Rite

• Write (v): to form letters/words, to compose– I will write this paper, I guess.

• Right (adj) correct, conforming to justice(n) power or privilege, direction opposite of left. – What is the right answer???!

• Rite (n): traditional (often religious) ceremony. – A bridal shower is a rite of passage.

Way to remember: not left but RIGHT, Written is based on Write.

Do/Due

• Do – to perform, to create, to deal with, to handle– I will do it later.

• Due – owed, because of – No one would hang out with him,

due to his temper.– The money is due.

WTR: If it involves $ (or means “because of”) use the UE version

Lose / Loose

• Lose (v) to suffer the loss of, to miss.– I win! You lose!– Don't lose your keys– I never lose bets

• Loose (Adj), the opposite of tight or contained.– My shoes are loose.– I have a loose tooth.– There's a goose running loose in the street.

• WTR: This confusion can easily be avoided if you pronounce the word intended aloud. If it has a voiced Z sound, then it’s “lose.” If it has a hissy S sound, then it’s “loose.” Loose rhymes with GOOSE, and both need 2 O’s

Maybe / May be

• Maybe, the compound word, is an adverb meaning "perhaps" or "possibly." – Maybe I will go out tonight.

• May be is a verb phrase meaning "might be" or "could be." – I may be going out tonight.

• If you can replace it with 2 words (“might be”) it IS two words.

Passed/Past• Past: (adj, adv, noun, or prep) previously (a period of time

before now) or a distance.Beyond in time, space, distance, amount– The team performed well in the past.– The police car drove past the suspect’s house.

• Passed, is an action. The past tense is “passed“: – The red truck passed the blue truck.– The teacher was astonished that none of the students had

passed the test.– After a brief illness, he passed away.

Ways to Remember: however you have ”passed the time” you have never “past the time,” not even in the distant past.

Beside/Besides

• Besides (Adv, prep) can mean “in addition to” Do you have any shirt besides the pink one.

• WTR : if it has an S it means “extra” (like a plural)

• Beside (prep, adv) in contrast, usually means “next to.” Pooh stood beside Rabbit, laughing.

Accept/Except

• Accept (v)– "to receive." – He accepted the gift. (He received it.)

• Except (prep, v) is usually a preposition meaning "but" or "leaving out." However, except can also be a verb meaning "to leave out." – He liked everyone except Sabrina.

– Way to remember – EX is like your EX that you want to LEAVE OUT!

Excess/Access

• Access –(n, v, adj) a way to enter. – This place has internet access?!

• Excess ––(n, v, adj)too muchExcess fat in your diet is bad.

• WTR: EX = TOO MUCH.

Affect/Effect

• Affect –(v) to influence or alter in some way. Use the verb affected when you mean influenced |rather than caused. – The arrow affected the

aardvark’s rear end.• Effect – (n) the result of being affected. Use effect whenever

any of these words precede it: a, an, any, the, take, into, no. (v.) Bring about, cause. – The effects of the rain have been local flooding.

• You use Effect after The, on, any, into, or no. ThE Effect.

Affect – act on

Effect – the outcome

Patience/ Patients

• Please have some patience: I will be able to help you after I am done seeing these other patients.

•Patients = people•Patience = ability to

wait!

Break/Brake

• Brake– (n) mechanical device that allows one to stop travel,

or a large/coarse fern– (n) anything that slows or hinders progress– (v) cause to stop travel

• Break– (v) find a flaw in, solution to, weaken or destroy in

spirit or physical sense, fall sharply, crack, become fractured, happen, ruin, escape from jail, scatter or part, etc.

Words in common use that aren’t words

• Alot• Alright• Irregardless• Its’

Peer Review

Final Draft Due online @ beginning of next class.