MMen en AAgainst gainst VViolenceiolence

A non-profit men’s program A non-profit men’s program committed to committed to

helping men age 16 and older helping men age 16 and older stop violence stop violence

to themselves, their intimate to themselves, their intimate partners, their partners, their

families and their communities.families and their communities.

HistoryHistory

The MAV program uses the The MAV program uses the Manalive curriculum originally Manalive curriculum originally designed in 1980. Today the designed in 1980. Today the program has expanded to the program has expanded to the communities of communities of San FranciscoSan Francisco, , MarinMarin, , SacramentoSacramento, , PlacerPlacer, and , and Nevada countiesNevada counties. The Manalive . The Manalive model is used in model is used in San Quentin San Quentin State PrisonState Prison, as well as the , as well as the Marin, San Francisco and Marin, San Francisco and Sacramento county jailsSacramento county jails..

Penal CodePenal Code

The Manalive curriculum was The Manalive curriculum was used as the used as the

model for model for State Assembly Bill State Assembly Bill 226226 which which

defined the parameters for all defined the parameters for all batterer’s batterer’s

intervention programs (BIP) intervention programs (BIP) statewide. statewide.

SolutionSolution

We provide a structured We provide a structured environment where men can re-environment where men can re-educate themselves to live a non educate themselves to live a non violent life.violent life.

Awareness + Action = ChangeAwareness + Action = Change

A 52 Week A 52 Week Three Stage ProgramThree Stage Program

First StageFirst StageStopping Stopping MyMy Violence To Violence To MyMy Partner Partner

Second Stage Second Stage Coming Back to Your Authentic SelfComing Back to Your Authentic Self

Third StageThird StageCreating a Fulfillment PlanCreating a Fulfillment Plan

First StageFirst Stage

Stopping Stopping MyMy Violence Violence

To To MyMy Partner Partner

AccountabilityAccountability

It’s the first step to stop your It’s the first step to stop your

violence, and the first violence, and the first agreement agreement

we ask the men to make:we ask the men to make:

““I agree that I am violent to I agree that I am violent to myself and others.”myself and others.”

Types of Violence Types of Violence

EmotionalEmotional (Space, Time, Energy, Material)(Space, Time, Energy, Material)

VerbalVerbal(Trivialize, Thingify, Threaten)(Trivialize, Thingify, Threaten)

PhysicalPhysical(To / Around)(To / Around)

SexualSexual

Legal System Legal System TransformationTransformation

New Policies Being Enforced New Policies Being Enforced Towards Domestic ViolenceTowards Domestic Violence

Zero ToleranceZero Tolerance

Pro ArrestPro Arrest

Dominant AggressorDominant Aggressor

Off the FocusOff the Focus

DenialDenial

BlameBlame

MinimizeMinimize

ColludeCollude

Impact of Domestic Impact of Domestic ViolenceViolence

PartnerPartner

ChildrenChildren

Family/CommunityFamily/Community

SelfSelf

Gender Based Gender Based

AnalysisAnalysis

Patriarchal, Cultural and Patriarchal, Cultural and Conditioning Conditioning

““Men are superior over others, Men are superior over others, including other men.”including other men.”

Why I Become Why I Become Violent?Violent?

Enforcing the Male Role Belief Enforcing the Male Role Belief System of Being Superior Over My System of Being Superior Over My

PartnerPartner

* Remove the Mystery of Your * Remove the Mystery of Your ViolenceViolence* Violence is a Method I Use to Make * Violence is a Method I Use to Make Me Feel Me Feel Like a “Real Man”Like a “Real Man”* A Method of Getting Your “MRBS” * A Method of Getting Your “MRBS” Needs Needs FulfilledFulfilled

The Male Role Belief The Male Role Belief SystemSystem

Training BeliefsTraining Beliefs

Get love and respect if Get love and respect if we stay in our box.we stay in our box.

Get love and respect if Get love and respect if we make sure she stays we make sure she stays in her box.in her box.

FeelActCommunicateThinkSexFeelActCommunicateThinkSex

The Male Role Belief The Male Role Belief SystemSystem

My RoleMy RoleActing the part of a Real Acting the part of a Real ManManBeing who I have been Being who I have been trained to betrained to beTrainingTrainingConscious / UnconsciousConscious / UnconsciousI am SuperiorI am SuperiorShe Holds Up Your BoxShe Holds Up Your BoxHer job is to make me feel Her job is to make me feel like the man I have to be.like the man I have to be.

FeelActCommunicateThinkSexFeelActCommunicateThinkSex

Fatal PerilFatal Peril

Deadly Fear of Image DyingDeadly Fear of Image DyingFalse AlarmFalse AlarmBody SignsBody Signs

TenseTenseTightnessTightness

ContractionContractionHead Tapes Head Tapes

StoryStoryFeelingsFeelings

Fatal PerilFatal Peril

Use of ViolenceUse of ViolenceForce partner back in the boxForce partner back in the box

SubtleSubtleEscalateEscalate

IntimidateIntimidateCoerceCoerceAbuseAbuse

New Coping SkillsNew Coping Skills

Learning New Actions and Communication Learning New Actions and Communication Skills That Takes Us Out Of The Box To Skills That Takes Us Out Of The Box To

Connect SafelyConnect Safely

My PartnerMy Partner

Nurturing MyselfNurturing Myself

Taking Care of My NeedsTaking Care of My Needs

All In A Peaceful Way!All In A Peaceful Way!

Tools for Building Tools for Building IntimacyIntimacy

The 4 A’sThe 4 A’s

AttentionAttention

AcceptanceAcceptance

AppreciationAppreciation

AffectionAffection

Tools for Building Tools for Building IntimacyIntimacy

QTIP = Quit Taking It PersonallyQTIP = Quit Taking It Personally

What others say is a projection of their own What others say is a projection of their own reality.reality.

Based on their past experiences, their Based on their past experiences, their interpretation of now or their imagined interpretation of now or their imagined

future.future.

When you are immune to your “MRBS” When you are immune to your “MRBS” trainingtraining

you won’t be the victim of needless you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.suffering.

Peace MakerPeace Maker

No matter what she does… No matter how No matter what she does… No matter how she does itshe does it

No matter what she says… No matter how No matter what she says… No matter how she says itshe says it

No matter what she thinks… No matter No matter what she thinks… No matter what I thinkwhat I think

No matter what she feels... No matter No matter what she feels... No matter what I feelwhat I feel

It’s up to me to create peace ...It’s up to me to create peace ...

Peace Maker Peace Maker (cont.)(cont.)

It’s up to me to create peace ...It’s up to me to create peace ...

In my heart, with my partner, and in my In my heart, with my partner, and in my homehome

No matter whatNo matter what

I will shift my energy, relax my body, I will shift my energy, relax my body, replace my thoughts, and connect safely.replace my thoughts, and connect safely.

Stage 2Stage 2

Don’t Forget Stage 1Don’t Forget Stage 1

Come Back to Your Authentic Come Back to Your Authentic SelfSelf

Your Shift Occurs Your Shift Occurs When You Learn…When You Learn…

How To Be Authentically Human In How To Be Authentically Human In Seeing Her and Seeing YourselfSeeing Her and Seeing Yourself

As EQUALAs EQUALAs VALUABLEAs VALUABLEAs POWERFULAs POWERFUL

To Shift Your Beliefs Based on Fear, To Shift Your Beliefs Based on Fear, Blame, Judgment, and VictimBlame, Judgment, and Victim

The Shift of The Shift of PerceptionPerception

My Perspective Changes…My Perspective Changes… to one of equalityto one of equality

Perspective Changes… Perspective Changes… Changes my storyChanges my story

Different Perspective… Different Perspective… Creates a different meCreates a different me

The Shift of The Shift of Perception Perception (con’t)(con’t)

My Partner Is Free To Pursue In My Partner Is Free To Pursue In the Style and Timing of Her the Style and Timing of Her

ChoosingChoosing

Her LIFEHer LIFEHer LIBERTYHer LIBERTY

Her HAPPINESSHer HAPPINESSHer SAFETYHer SAFETY

Discover Your Discover Your Authentic SelfAuthentic Self (con’t)(con’t)

Soften YourselfSoften Yourself

Relax Your BodyRelax Your Body

Replace Your Hit-Man’s StoryReplace Your Hit-Man’s Story

Discover Your Discover Your Authentic SelfAuthentic Self (con’t)(con’t)

Stop – Look – Listen… From your Stop – Look – Listen… From your heartheart

Declare and Respect BoundariesDeclare and Respect Boundaries

Conscious Breath, Conscious Conscious Breath, Conscious ChoiceChoice

Blow out the candles / Smell the Blow out the candles / Smell the rosesroses

Discover Your Discover Your Authentic SelfAuthentic Self (con’t)(con’t)

Identify Feelings Under AngerIdentify Feelings Under Anger

FearFearSadnessSadness

PainPain

Express SafelyExpress Safely

Style and Timing Is Style and Timing Is CriticalCritical

Authentic SelfAuthentic Self- Sincere and Honest- Sincere and Honest- Gentle- Gentle- Adaptable- Adaptable- Patient- Patient- Ability to stand under your own and - Ability to stand under your own and other’s other’s experiences with empathy and experiences with empathy and compassion to compassion to connect safelyconnect safely

Choose Skills that Choose Skills that Work for any SituationWork for any Situation

CompassionCompassion

EmpathyEmpathy

LoveLove

RespectRespect

Stage 3Stage 3

Create a Self Fulfillment PlanCreate a Self Fulfillment Plan

&&

Restore IntimacyRestore Intimacy

Rescue TriangleRescue TriangleCo-DependencyCo-Dependency

RescueRescue

VictimVictim

PerpetratorPerpetrator

Creating FulfillmentCreating Fulfillment

Without depending on others…Without depending on others…

Drugs, Alcohol, Sex, Money, etc.Drugs, Alcohol, Sex, Money, etc.

Tools for Restoring Tools for Restoring IntimacyIntimacy

Create Balance Through: Create Balance Through: Exercise, Diet, Sleep, Positive Exercise, Diet, Sleep, Positive

Thinking and SpiritualityThinking and Spirituality

12 Step Programs, Support 12 Step Programs, Support Groups, Parenting Classes, Self-Groups, Parenting Classes, Self-

Help Classes and Community Help Classes and Community ServiceService

Tools for Creating a Tools for Creating a Self Fulfillment PlanSelf Fulfillment Plan

FascinationFascinationWhen I Can Choose Fascination In Every SituationWhen I Can Choose Fascination In Every Situation

NegotiateNegotiateWhen I Can Negotiate Safely With My PartnerWhen I Can Negotiate Safely With My Partner

CollaborateCollaborateWhen I Can Collaborate As An EqualWhen I Can Collaborate As An Equal

ManifestationManifestationWhen I can allow our efforts to Manifest freelyWhen I can allow our efforts to Manifest freely

CelebrateCelebrateWhen I Can Celebrate The Love and the Power Of Each Of UsWhen I Can Celebrate The Love and the Power Of Each Of Us