Target Who?They’re different.

As you walk between classes you seethem—the kids who are “targets.” Youknow the ones—the kids who are the“too” kids. Too tall, too short, too fat,too skinny, too smart, too stupid, toopretty, too ugly, too popular, tooout, too in, too scrawny, tooathletic, too mature, tooimmature, too quiet, tooeverything…

Maybe they’re the kids who don’twear name-brand clothes, whoaren’t in the “in” crowd, or theones who may be havingproblems with acne. Maybe theydon’t have the “right” haircut orhang with the “right” friends.

Maybe they’re the kids who aren’tconfident or don’t have many friends.You know—the loners. Maybe they’rethe kids who sit at the “uncool” table atlunch. Maybe they’re the gifted kids—youknow, the really smart ones—or the kids whogo to special classes for reading or mathbecause learning is hard for them.

Maybe they look or act “funny” or “awkward”and because of that, people make fun of them.Maybe they have braces or wear glasses. Maybethey don’t have the latest game system, best cellphone, or the best shoes. Maybe they don’t havemoney. Maybe they have too much money. Forwhatever reason, they wear a target.

Targets are on the chests of different types ofpeople every day as you walk between classes,and all for different reasons.

And most school days as you walk between yourclasses, you hope that the target is not on yourchest. All you want to do is blend in and hope thatthe bullies pick someone else as their latest victim.

But what happens when you feel like you’re theone who feels different? You feel like you’re theone who is “too” everything.

One thing is for certain—no one has a “right” to bea bully, and most certainly, no one should have toendure a bully’s taunts, physical, emotional orverbal abuse. Being the victim of a bully is notyour fault, and it is not a “right of passage.”

You’re You!! A Celebration of DiversityAs you are in class each day, walk down thehallway between classes, are active in after-schoolactivities, are on the bus, or are at home withyour family, you are your own person.

Part of growing up is growing into the person thatyou are becoming. You have so much inside ofyou that is maturing on so many levels—intellectually, socially, emotionally, physically.All of those ways of growing interact to help youbecome the unique person that you are.

Taking the time to assess where you are withyourself is important. Be honest with yourself andbe true to who you are! In the following exercise,you will be asked to brainstorm about yourself.

Write quickly—as usually the first thing thatcomes to mind is the most honest and true!

You’ll notice something about this exercise asyou fill in the following boxes. You focused onthings that are positive about yourself for thefirst few responses, and then a negative isthrown in at the end. Here’s the honest truthabout growing up—Everyone has things thatwe are not happy with about ourselves, andmore times than not—we focus on the thingswe don’t like instead of the things that aregreat about ourselves! The negative takes overour lives and the positive things that we loveabout ourselves are often lost. No one isperfect, and learning to deal with what we seeas our own imperfections is a hard fact of life.

Have you ever felt like you have been targeted? Explain:

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5 Things You Love About How Your Outer Appearance

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5 Things You Love About Your Personality

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5 Things That Your Friends Like About Hanging Out With You

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But there is more to this. If you want tochange something about yourself because YOUwant to change it—to grow as a person, to feelgood about yourself, to be a better person—that’s one thing, and you have the choice towork to find ways to make those changeshappen. But if you just want to change thingsabout yourself because of SOMEONE ELSE—sothat someone else will accept you into “thegroup,” so the teasing will stop, so that youcan get into the “right” crowd—then wantingthose changes are not for the best reasons.

If we were all the same, the world would be arather boring place. That’s the beauty of life.All different skin types and complexions,hair colors and styles, eye shapes and colors,beautiful expressions of personality, voices,and so much more brings uniqueness to ourworld. Imperfection brings diversity. If wecould just realize that our differences arewhat make us beautiful, then perhaps moretime would be spent accepting others insteadof hurting others because of differences.Too many times in your world, judgment

comes by looking at outside appearances.Have you ever seen a clam or other bivalve?You know how it looks, right?

What are your “pearls”—your unique qualities that are within your shell thatfew people know about?

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5 Reasons Why People Value Your Presence

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5 Things You Wish You Could Change About Yourself

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It’s all grimy and gross on theoutside. There’s this slimethat is around the outside ofthe shell and they’re stinky.The shells that thesemussels live in are noteven very attractive.Many times they have tobe dug up from the dirt ormud, and sediments fromthe ocean or lake bottomhave become a part of theclam’s shell. They’re notalways the prettiest things tolook at…

But what could be inside of eachof those clams is what is the truemiracle. Every bivalve like a clam ormussel inside of a shell has the potentialto create and house something beautiful—something completely unique. That something itcan create is a pearl. Pearls are created whenforeign objects get stuck inside the shell. The“pearly” side of the shell then erodes and buildsup around the foreign object to make the pearl.You may have heard of pearls being created froma grain of sand, and that can truly happen. Thatone little grain of sand can create somethingbeautiful.

It’s only when the icky looking clam is openedthat we see the beauty that could be within.

You are a bit like the clam. Judgments orcomments may be made about your outerappearance. Your hard shell may be filled withgrime and guck that has built up from everythingaround you—comments from so-called friends,snide remarks in the lunch line, people beinghypercritical about your appearance, remarks onthe bus, etc. But it is only until people take the timeto truly get to know you for who you are that theyget to see your “pearls”—your unique qualities thatmake you who you are! It’s their loss if they can’tget past a “shell” to see the true you.

As you grow older, you’ll see that being differentis what life is all about. Later on in life, you’llwant to be the job candidate that “sticks out”because of an excellent skill set. But right now,your reality is that you don’t want to be the “fishout of water.” You want to be the one to blend inand not get noticed, because if you’re noticed andaren’t ready for it, a bully (who more than likelyisn’t comfortable with the person that he/she ispresently…) could try to make himself/herselfsuperior in your world by belittling you and

making you lose sight of the beauty and respectthat you have for yourself.

The challenge becomes—How do you keep a bullyfrom harming you physically or emotionally?

BullyingDictionary.com defines bully as “a blustering,quarrelsome, overbearing person who habituallybadgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.”What is also quite interesting is that the word bullyhas its origins in the French and Dutch word boele,which means “friend” or “sweetheart.” How ironicthat the original meaning of the word has changedfrom one of friendship to being an enemy!

Bullying is all about one word—power. A bullyfeels power over those that are perceived as“weaker” than he/she is either physically oremotionally. Fear drives a bully to harm others,and it’s often because the bully is himself orherself insecure about something in his/her life.

How do you define a Bully?

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It’s important that you understand thatcyberbullying in any form is harassment.When someone is threatened usingtechnology, the police or other lawenforcement authorities may become involvedin the case. It is never appropriate to harmsomeone with your words…and in this case,there’s always a trail of words when it comes tocyberbullying. Think before you text. Thinkbefore you press send. Think about how your

words might be interpreted by someone else.Your words are your honor. And your trail ofwords could prove your innocence or guilt in asituation.

Emotional Bullying— Girls tend to bullyemotionally more than boys, but that doesn’tmean that boys are immune. It can take theform of manipulation of relationships,spreading of rumors, use of body language,exclusion from groups, and even cyber-bullying. Whatever form it takes, hearts canbe hurt by things that teachers and adultsdon’t even notice until it’s too late.Emotional bullying can be just as harmfuland hurtful as a punch in the gut.

Sometimes it can feel even worse! Whateverform it takes, it is unacceptable behavior andyou do not have to deal with it alone. Thesetypes of behaviors are considered to beharassment, and most schools have policiesthat ban such behaviors. Again, seek thehelp of a trusted adult if you are in such asituation. Having to deal with commentsthat hurt you inside is not “just a part ofmiddle school.” No one should have toendure being belittled and made to feelsmall, low, or excluded.

Beware of the BullySociety today has this misconception that beingbullied is a part of school life. It shouldn’t bethat way. Knowing how bullies harm their“prey” can help you to make good decisions tokeep yourself safe.

Physical Bullying—Boys tend to bully physicallymore often than girls. Locker shoving, tripping,giving “swirlies” in the bathroom stalls, spitting onsomeone—you name it, and it’s been done! Physicalbullying can begin with something like knocking offthe books from a desk, bumping into someone in thehallway, and can escalate into all out fights. Theimportant thing to remember about physical bullyingis that any sort of physical contact in an aggressiveway is violence. Violence is unacceptable and shouldbe reported to a trusted adult—like a teacher,principal, parent or counselor. You don’t have to“take it” and you are not “tattling” if you have beenin danger and speak with someone about it.

Cyberbullying—Yet another type of bullying that hasjust come to be in the last few years is cyberbullying.You have not known the world without computers, cellphones, and instant/text messaging. Your generationcommunicates via the computer. You chat with yourfriends using instant messaging, e-mail, chat rooms,discussion boards, web pages, blogs, and textmessaging on your cell phones. When you use yourcommunication involving technology to hurt or harmsomeone else intentionally, you are guilty ofcyberbullying.

It is not OK to send messages that are cruel aboutsomeone else. It is not OK to create webpages thatmake fun of other people. It is not OK to postmessages about or pictures of someone on messageboards. It is not OK to forward a message that youhave gotten from someone that was supposed to beprivate. Doing these things is rude.

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Relational Bullying—Although they’re notbeing sent to the office for shoving andhitting, girls can be the worst bullies of themall. You’ve heard of there being “queen

bees” in middle school, right? They’re thegirls who lead the cliques and who prettymuch feel like they run the school. Theyusually have their noses in everyone else’sprivate lives, dictate what other people thinkor do, and often spread rumors about peopleif they don’t do what she wants them to…What they say usually goes—with regards toclothes, fashion, who is the most popular,who should go out with whom, etc. Thesegirls are guilty of something that is calledrelational bullying. This type of bullyingisn’t physical. It’s subtle, builds up, anddamages every fiber of the person beingbullied to the core.

These girls manipulate their relationshipsin order to hurt other people. Theythreaten through terribly mean commentsand sometimes a “just kidding” afterwards.They bully through their body language—pointing, funny faces, rolling their eyes.They bully through exclusion, not lettingsomeone into the group, not lettingsomeone sit with them at lunch, andtalking behind a person’s back. It alsotakes the form of vicious rumor spreading,spreading rumors via text messaging,instant messaging, or e-mail, whisperingabout someone, and so much more. Thistype of bullying is all about the power ofthe “queen bee.” She is using her power ina negative way to hurt another girl ormake her feel bad about herself. That’swhy they’re sometimes called “mean girls.”

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Choices—Middle school is a time of choice. You getto choose who you sit by at lunch, choose some ofyour classes, choose who you are going to hang outwith, and so much more. Your teachers are probablyalso giving you more choices in your learning. Butwith all of the choices, comes responsibility. You areyour choices. If you choose to hang out withsomeone who puts other people down, you are just asguilty as the person who said the mean things. Ifyou choose to roll your eyes at someone’s outfit andtalk about them behind their back, you are guilty ofbeing an emotional bully.

Choose to hang around people who are respectful.Choose to treat other people well. Choose to helpothers who need a friend. Choose to carryyourself with dignity and pride. Choose to helpother students who are being bullied. You are thebetter person by doing those things.

Keep Yourself SafeYou have enough stressors in your life—homework, getting to your classes on time,getting to know your teachers, keeping track ofyour extracurricular activities, knowing what’sgoing on in your family. The last thing youneed to be worrying about is being bullied.

Physical bullying can happen anywhere, but ithappens most often in the hallway, thelunchroom, on the bus, or in the bathroom.One good coping strategy if you are being

physicallybullied is totravel with abuddy or acouple ofbuddieswherever yougo. There isstrength innumbers,

especially when dealing with bullies. If you arenot alone, there will be witnesses to the bullyingacts. Telling a bully to stop to attract attentionalso is a good strategy. You are not being weakwhen you ask for help. The bully is the onethat is “in the wrong.”Staying safe from an emotional bully can be alittle harder. The best way to counteract thistype of bullying is to be OK with who you are,just the way you are! Being confident in whoyou are is the first step to staying strong duringmiddle school. It’s hard to be evaluated by yourpeers, and sometimes it’s the little things thatadd up. If you feel as if you are beingemotionally bullied, find someone you canconfide in—a parent, teacher, counselor, or afriend. Keeping all of your emotions bottled upwhen you are really hurting inside won’t makethings better. Sometimes spilling out your

emotions to someone you trustmakes you feel better, and youmight get some ideas for howto combat the bullying fromthem.

Is there someone in your lifethat isn’t your parent orteacher that you can confidein? This person could be anolder brother or sister, trusted

neighbor, a grandparent, or an aunt or anuncle. Sometimes a person just needs to talkabout what is going on in his/her life. Findingsomeone that you are close to that you can sitand have a soda or a snack with can help youcope with the rigors of middle school. Justknowing there is someone that will listen towhat you are feeling always helps.

Facing the Hard TruthThe reality that you may have to deal withbullying in your life isn’t pleasant. In fact, thatreality is something that the adults in your lifewish you didn’t have to deal with…but you do.Knowing how to face this truth is about power—the power that is within you! A bully won’t beable to hurt you if you love yourself just theway you are. A bully won’t be able to harmyour self-esteem if it has been built so strongthat nothing can shake it. A bully will see yourconfidence in yourself and won’t bother comingnear you, as they know their comments will justslide right off of you. Be proud of the you thatyou are becoming. Live your life in a way thatexudes confidence and truth. The bottom lineis this—treat others with respect and they willtreat you well right back!

Whom would you go to if you needed to chat about something? Think of 3 people that you could confide in.

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