MILITARY ORDER OF THE COOTIE OF THE UNITED STATES - GRAND OF OHIO HONOR DEGREE OF THE VETERANS OF FOREIGN WARS OF THE UNITED STATES

COMRADES: JIMMY & GERRY

2012 - VOLUME ONE, Issue I — GRAND EDITION

“Co

oti

es o

f th

e A

ges

”: J

erry

Gilg

enb

ach

an

d J

imm

y A

da

ms

Listen up COOTIES,

Just as a quick reminder, the next 7th Supreme Scratch will be held in Indianapolis at Pup Tent 18 on June 10th @ 10am.

Address is VFW Post 7119, 6525 N. Lee Road, Indianapolis , IN 46236.

Hotel arrangement are in the process and will be published in the near future.

Please make plans on attending and gathering vital infor-mation for your respective Grand's.

L.O.T.C.S. Chris Haynes, 7th Supreme Adjutant

coo

t·ie

[koo-t

ee]

no

un

Info

rmal

.

A lo

use

,

esp

ecia

lly o

ne

affec

tin

g

hu

man

s, a

s th

e

bo

dy

lou

se,

hea

d lo

use

, or

pu

bic

lou

se.

A ONE-A, TWO-A AND A FOUR-A...

“It was only one word….”

GR

AN

D O

F OH

IO 2

01

1-2

01

2

Fron

t Ro

w (R

ight to

Left): G

rand

Co

mm

and

er, Emil So

ltesz; Gran

d Sr. V

ice Co

mm

and

er, Joh

n D

ow

ney; G

rand

Jr. Vice C

om

man

der, D

on

nie N

elson

; Gran

d A

dju

tant,/D

istrict TWO

Co

mm

and

er, Al P

ristera; Gran

d Su

rgeon

, ‘Hu

tch’ H

utch

ison

; District FO

UR

Co

mm

and

er, Bill U

ehlin

ger. Back R

ow

(Bo

tto

m to

Top

): Gran

d H

istorian

, Art W

ash; G

rand

Qu

artermaster, C

hu

ck Cih

lar; Gran

d Ju

dge A

dvo

cate, Jim B

ranh

am an

d D

istrict ON

E Co

mm

and

er, Joh

n Fryeh

History of the Cootie… contin-

ued from previous page… ]

The next major Home project

was the brainchild of two

Cooties, Collin Small and

Charles Millard of Ohio's Buck-

eye Pup Tent (local unit) No.2.

Their "Operation Fire Depart-

ment" called for the MOC to

give the Home a fire truck and

a building to house it, then

train some of the older boys in

fire fighting techniques. A

Home fire department, they

reasoned, could give a much

faster response time to Home

emergencies than fire depart-

ments of the surrounding

towns. This operation was

completed in 1950, during Su-

preme Commander Ernie

Moore's term. Subsequently,

the Grand (Cootie equivalent of

a VFW state department) of

Maryland undertook the con-

tinual upgrading of the Home's

real Fire Department by raising

the necessary funding through

the sale of mythical commis-

sions in a mythical "National

Home Fire Department." These

fees allow the Grand of Mary-

land to make contributions

2012-2013 GRAND COOTIE

CALENDARS

ARE NOW AVAILABLE…

FOR ONLY A DONATION OF

$30 SEUS, NO COPPER….

THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO BECOME

POORER…

COOTIES… SEE AND FEEL YOUR

SEAM SQUIRREL TO GET YOURS

TODAY….

History of the Military Order of

the Cootie

Consider the official uniform of

the VFW's Military Order of the

Cootie (MOC): red pants with a

white stripe running down each

side; ruffled white shirt; lace-

trimmed red vest emblazoned on

the back with a gold-outlined, bug

-like creature with flashing light

bulb eyes; red, overseas-style cap

worn sideways so that the tassels

dangle beside the wearer's ears.

Surely whoever designed this

outfit must have had in mind the old saying that "clothes make the man." After

all, one of the principle objectives of the Cootie auxiliary is for its members to

have and provide fun for themselves and others.

The MOC can trace its ancestry to the Imperial Order of the Dragon - a similar

fun-loving auxiliary that was affiliated with the United Spanish American War

Veterans (USAWV). After World War I, two veterans who were members of both

the USAWV and the VFW thought that the VFW might be able to attract more

members if it formed an auxiliary modeled on the Imperial Order of the Dragon.

These men, Fred Madden and F.L. Gransbury, began recruiting members for the

new auxiliary on September 17, 1920, at the VFW National Encampment in

Washington, D.C. By the end of the encampment, nearly 300 members had been

enrolled, and Fred Madden had become the first Seam Squirrel (commander).

Later that year, a complete slate of officers was assembled and ratified at a spe-

cial meeting held in Cavalry Baptist Church in New York City. Madden developed

a constitution and by-laws while Gransbury authored the ritual. (Together with

the official uniform, these were approved in 1924.)

In the years after its founding, the MOC took on several special projects de-

signed to bring smiles to the faces of two special groups of people - hospitalized

veterans and residents of the VFW National Home. Its involvement with the Na-

tional Home came first. In fact, the Cooties were the first to back Amy Ross's plan

for the Home, and, in 1924, helped persuade the VFW to sponsor the project.

Since then, there has never been a period of any extended length in which the

Cooties have not been involved in some project for the Home's betterment or for

the happiness of those who live there.

Shortly after the Home was established, the Cooties began the tradition of spon-

soring the Home's Annual Christmas party. They took it upon themselves to

make sure the residents had Christmas presents and a Christmas dinner, and also

that Cootie volunteers were always on hand to help organize and run the party.

Then in 1933, the MOC received permission from the VFW National Encampment

to build an athletic field at the National Home. Over the next few years, the

Cooties raised $15,000 for the field, which was dedicated in 1941. No sooner had

they finished paying for the field than the Cooties took on construction of an

outdoor swimming pool. Before this pool was dedicated in September 1950, the

Cooties had drummed up over $8,000 more than the $40,000 needed to build it.

EASTER TREAT…

How many Cooties does it take to fill an Easter Basket?

SHAVETAIL SHENANIGANS

Please identify the Program Years in

which these Supreme slogans

were used…

_________ - _________

“On A Roll For Veterans”

_________ - _________

“Together We Can”

_________ - _________

“Be On Our Team”

_________ - _________

“Stand Tall For Veterans”

For every incorrect answer, please place

your $1 donation to the Grand CCDB for

our National Home for Children.

__________ _______________

PUP TENT COOTIE #

TOTAL DONATED: $ _______

LISTEN UP COOTIES

PUP TENT 72—VIN CAIN

‘Home of the OVERPECKERS’

CORDIALLY INVITES ALL LOUSY COOTIES TO:

“The COOTIE CRAWL”

CELEBRATING OUR 30TH ANNIVERSARY

AUGUST 17—19, 2012

Tentative Schedule Includes:

Friday:

Cootie Fish Fry 5-7pm

Horse Racing 7-10 pm

Cootie Milk ... throughout the evening

Saturday:

Coffee, Doughnuts and IV Fluids 11am-11:15am

Cootie Hospital Visit 1-3pm— Listen Up Cooties - Maybe 2 or 3 Hospital Treats….

Cootie Crawl Picnic 4 -? pm

Sunday:

Pup Tent 72’s “WORLD FAMOUS” Scratch 11am-2pm. (it helps to have thick skin and a lot of dough. One being more important than the other).

3pm. Head home wondering, “What the hell just happened this week-end”?

More information to follow ...hotel arrangements, where to park your

RV or if it’s OK in this Metropolis to sleep on the ground.

To receive all updates and vital info, please forward your email

address to:

christopher_hayes04@yahoo.com

93rd SUPREME

SCRATCH…

Listen Cooties,

We have selected the Grand

Sierra Resort and Casino to be

our host for the Supreme Con-

vention in Reno, NV July 26th

through the 29th 2012. The Re-

sort offers numerous eating

establishments, the Grand Sier-

ra Cinema with 2 screens show-

ing current release movies at

$3.00 a movie, a 50 lane bowl-

ing alley, golf driving range,

indoor simulated golf, Spa and

Health facilities, Malibu Go-

Carts, Mini golf and a shopping

arcade with a variety of special-

ty shops.

The Resort is offering free parking and free valet parking. A

10 percent discount on the Resort buffet provided you have

your convention credentials with you. Free in room access to

the Internet. Free shuttle bus service to and from the air-

port.

Rooms rates $84.00 for rooms located below the 17th floor,

and $96.00 on the 17th floor and upward. Reservations can

be made by calling the Resort at 800-648-5080, or you can

make reservations on line by going to LOTCS.ORG and click-

ing on the Grand Sierra link on the “Events” page of the

website. If you are calling you will need to mention

“M.O.O.C.” to get the group rate.

FROM THE FILES OF FURTILE HUNTING…

The Military Order of the Cootie is recognized as

a subordinate and auxiliary order to the

Veterans of Foreign Wars.

It shall be considered as the ‘Honor Degree’ of the

parent organization and shall be governed by and

under the control of the National Convention

and the Commander-in-Chief.

The objectives of the organization are to

promote social and reunion features among the

members of the order and to keep alive therein,

the spirit of optimism and humor; so

characteristic of the American Servicemember.

We are

“BUSIER THAN A BEE”

and our hospital program motto is:

“KEEP ‘EM SMILING IN BEDS OF WHITE”.

We strive to emulate our mythical leader, The

Great Blue Louse, as we follow our motto of:

INDUSTRY, COMRADESHIP AND PERSERVERANCE

Military Order of the Cootie Auxiliary

Since 1961, the Military Order of the Cootie has received

support in all its activities from its own ladies auxiliary.

The Military Order of the Cootie Auxiliary draws its

membership from the ranks of women eighteen and older

who have been active members of the VFW Ladies

Auxiliary for at least six months and who are the:

Wife, widow, sister, half-sister, daughter, foster daughter,

or granddaughter of an active VFW member in good

standing.

MOCA’S BEST KEPT SECRET

(with the exception of our hospitalized Veter-

ans and our Children of VFW’s National Home)

WE’RE GONNA DO THIS AGAIN AS SOON...

AS WE GET ‘INSTITUTED’...

To: All MOCA Members… Thank You Ladies!!!

From All of Us - The Grand of Ohio’s Crummiest and Lousiest Cooties…

To: All MOCA Members… Editor requests photos from the Ladies—

Especially the one that showed __________________ to the Blanket Bum...

Be it Now and for Never Known, Greetings to All Ye Present;

with Grieving Black Heart Mummers and Heavenly Trumpet Farts, by Order of the:

Military Order of the Cootie of the United States of America

The Honor Degree of the Veterans of Foreign Wars

PAST GRAND OF OHIO COMMANDERS ASSOCIATION -In Ceremonial Regalia, Overlooking the Big Blue Pond-

Commend by Ye, Now and Forever is with Bestowed an Appreciation in the Lowest Degree to Cootie

A Notorious, Infamous and Valorous Sky Pilot of Heroism Extraordinaire-ism

Doeth by Herewith Acclaim, Sustain and Proclaim:

Whereas: “The Deacon”, Jay Calvert is with his holistically, historically, biblically and prophetically

existence, does shower-sing the Blessed Hymns… Bringing in the Sheeps, followed by

“How Great Thou Art”, each and every morning. Belting in flat-chorded chorus for over sixty years of unparalleled faith, in all things: Community, Church and Veteran… did lead by example with graceless candor, compassion and humbled, personal integrity; including numerous insults of lowly acumen required for said Cooties while assisting hospitalized Veterans and Children of Veterans; and

Whereas: This crummy, insignificant Shavetail, with consecrated garble, barely audible prayers; to which, did not knowingly when to, if to, or how to – open or close said biblical-book for the “Beloved Children of Our National Home” (on several [19] occasions); continues to hallmark his demeanor, of which, may fore which, come to be echoed in the fertile, terra firma of Vin CAIN, heraldry throughout the Great Buckeye State and all-over God’s great lands – is recognized for the hard work of said Military Order of the Cootie of the United States of America; of which, to which, fore which, sandwich and by which is to: “KEEP ‘EM SMILING IN BEDS OF WHITE’; and

Whereas: Vin Cain’s very own Sky Pilot (a.k.a. Vin Cain’s St. Peter’s Guard of the Heavenly Gates) is hereby reveled with precise adulations with his refusal to embellish pride, integrity, respect and decry the Specie Pediculi if forever noted with merit – coupled with his reverent laborious, humorous and notorious “LOVE” for God, Country and Veteran. THIS IS LOUSY!

Is Herby Decoded, Deloused and Bequeathed the 2010-2011

“Cootie of the Year” By Sniglet Tassels and Witness Hereof and Given this Day:

May Twenty-Third, in the Year, Two Thousand Eleven

_______________________________

Christopher W. Haynes

Commander, Past Grand of Ohio Commanders Association

(ak.a. Most Insignificant Cootie of Valorous Other Exclusive Titles)

(continued from page 4)

eitooC eht fo redrO yratiliM eht fo yrotsiH (continued)

At the 64th Scratch in 1985, the MOC approved the establishment of a Supreme Escrow Ac-

count as an incentive for the National Home's children to further their education beyond

high school. Upon completion of a four-year college course, a student receives a check for

$500 for each year attended. A $250 reward is given for each year courses are completed in a

trade school or community college.

As dear to a Cootie's heart as its National Home projects are, auxiliary members supporting

its program for hospitalized veterans with equal enthusiasm. This program got its start in the

1940's, when auxiliary members realized that World War II would soon fill the hospitals with

sick and wounded veterans. To help these veterans keep their spirits up, many Cooties took

it upon themselves to entertain the patients. Soon Cooties all over the country were visiting

hospitalized veterans, pledging to "Keep 'em Smiling in Beds of White." Today this goal is still

one of the auxiliary's highest priorities. Many Pup Tents and their Auxiliaries not only work

with VAVS Hospital teams, but also perform services of their own at VA Hospitals and nurs-

ing homes. Thousands of Cootie hours and thousands of dollars are donated each year in

carrying out this program.

Although MOC and ladies auxiliary members enjoy all Cootie activities - from supporting the

National Home to visiting hospitalized veterans to helping out the VFW - members also en-

gage in many activities that are designed solely for their entertainment. These include the

method by which they govern their meetings and various procedures followed within them.

To describe these methods and some of the other ways Cooties have fun would violate their

bylaws, but it is possible to provide a glimpse of how Cooties sometimes have fun in public.

Picture Main Street in a Midwestern city of about 25,000 residents on a sunny Saturday

morning in June. The sidewalks are crowded with shoppers, and traffic on the two-lane thor-

oughfare is almost bumper to bumper. Three men in Cootie uniforms, the lights on their

vests winking, are sauntering down the sidewalk in front of the city's largest department

store.

Suddenly, one of the men glances heavenward and mumbles, "Oh, my God."

The other two look upward. As if they are watching the descent of a falling leaf, all three

slowly lower their heads until they are staring at the ground. Taking small manuals from

their hip pockets, the three sit down in a circle on the sidewalk, legs crossed and feet tucked

under. Opening the manuals, they begin reading the service for a dead Cootie (most of it ad-

libbed as they go along). Gradually a crowd gathers around the men, some of it overflowing

into the street. As the crowd grows and traffic comes almost to a standstill, two policemen

approach to determine the cause of the blockage.

One of the officers glances at the seated trio, then informs them, "You've got three minutes

to get him planted, then move on." As a knowledgeable member of the VFW, the officer has

quickly sized up the situation. Shaking his head, the officer mutters, "Crazy Cooties," and

walks back to his partner.

In late 1919, several members of

the Imperial Order of the Dragon (IOD), a

higher degree of the United Spanish American

War Veterans (USAVW) decided it would be a

good thing to develop a similar order for the

VFW to appeal to returning WWI vets.

The MOC rolls were first opened for member-

ship at the Oxford Hotel in Washington D.C.,

on September 17, 1920. September 24, 1921,

the MOC became an official part of the VFW

after being accepted by the VFW National

Encampment.

Only active members of the Veterans of For-

eign Wars of the United States are eligible for

membership in the Military Order of the

Cootie, and such membership continues and is

conditioned upon retaining active member-

ship in the VFW.

The objectives of the organization are to pro-

mote social and reunion features among the

members of the order and to keep alive there-

in the spirit of optimism and humor so charac-

teristic of the American service man.

The name MOC refers to the Military Order of

the Cootie, PT means Pup Tent, and 00 means

we are identified by that number. "THE COOT-

IES ARE THE BEST OF THE BEST" of the VFW

organization. They are the most dedicated

members who perform duties involving the

aid to hospitalized veterans and those who

are sick or injured, providing blood, visitation,

clothing and entertainment at VA medical

centers and other non-VA facilities, such as

nursing homes and civilian hospitals.

A Cootie is selected from the VFW Post mem-

bership by the Cootie Pup Tent. The member

is invited to belong and it is a privilege for a

VFW member to be invited to belong to the

"HONOR DEGREE" of the VFW.

The Cooties are not all just hard work, they

are by far the fun bunch of a post. Any time

you see a gathering of men and women wear-

ing the white and red uniforms and that funny

looking red hat - you will quickly realize this is

a very happy and fun loving group.

“ SCRATCHIN’ FOR OUR VETS ”

MILITARY ORDER OF THE COOTIE

GRAND OF OHIO

PROUDLY & LOUDLY (with barely audible, heavenly trumpet farts)

SUPPORTS OUR VERY OWN

JERRY CONSTABLE

FOR

SUPREME COMMANDER

2012—2013

THIS IS LOUSY!!!

Note To Editor:

Please place New Cootie

Membership Application Here…. Or next

page (full-page)

Thanks,

Editor’s Brain

(Left Temporal area if found)

P.S. Remind all Cooties to submit Pup

Tent / District News, photos, milestones,

accomplishments, Hospital Reports and

any/all of the Lousy, Crummy, Tasteless

projects this Lousiest of Fraternities

doeth, does-ith, done-did-he-did-he-diddy

doo, does.

The Buckeye Louse

c/o: Grand Editor, Hutch

P.O. Box 535 - Mason, OH 45040

INDUSTRY ~ COMRADESHIP ~ PERSERVERANCE

Perseverance ….

What is perseverance?

Perseverance is commitment,

hard work, patience,

endurance.

Perseverance is being able to

bear difficulties calmly and

Article VI—Official Publication

SECTION 1—The Buckeye Louse shall

be the official publication of the

Grand of Ohio and shall be published

semi-annually.

SHEPPY SEZ… I THINK; THEREFORE I LOVE.

I KNOW… GO AHEAD… EACH TASSLE PLEASE….