MIM INTERN: STAGE 1 EXPERIENCES – THOUGHTS - FEELINGS – … · 2020-03-27 · reinforced, even in the face of positive ones. 3. Continuing with the worksheet, now pull things

MIM INTERN: STAGE 1 EXPERIENCES – THOUGHTS – FEELINGS – PARENTING BEHAVIOURS ACTIVITY

MIM INTERN: STAGE 1 EXPERIENCES – THOUGHTS - FEELINGS – PARENTING BEHAVIOURS ACTIVITY | © 2019 Child Development Institute

MIM is designed specifically for mothers who have experienced interpersonal trauma and are parenting infants and toddlers. A key element of MIM is the recognition and understanding that trauma can impact a mother’s parenting, her young child and their relationship.

Experiencing abuse or neglect as a child, especially from a caregiver, can directly impact a mother’s current parenting. Parenting is learned from many different sources; however, the way a mother was parented as a child can play a significant role in how she parents her own children. If a mother grew up with caregivers who were hurtful or neglectful, it may be difficult for her to know how to respond to her own child’s emotional needs.

When a mother has experienced abuse as an adult, direct insults about her parenting, undermining her authority, not allowing her to comfort her child when they are upset, and isolating her from friends and family are some of the ways woman abuse experiences may impact a mother’s relationship with her child and affect how she feels as a mother.

In response to the use of power and control tactics, some mothers may struggle to set limits or develop routines with their children out of feelings of shame and guilt; strictly discipline their children as a protective mechanism to keep the abusive parent from disciplining; share adult information with her children because of isolation; and, rely on older children to help take care of their younger siblings1.

Throughout your work in MIM, you will observe a number of parenting behaviours, some of which may be challenging to see. If we take the parenting behaviour at face-value, we may end up judging, blaming or becoming frustrated with mothers. This activity is designed to support you in examining how hurtful experience can directly impact how a mother currently parents. By increasing our own understanding of the impact of trauma on parenting, we are able to respond to challenging mother-child interactions from a place of understanding and compassion and support mothers in better understanding some of their own parenting behaviours and reactions to their children, from a trauma-informed lens.

Instructions

Attention: This activity is asking you to identify and reflect on hurtful experiences of the mothers that participate in MIM in an effort to better understand where challenging parenting behaviours may come from. This activity is meant to be done in clinical supervision, where there is an opportunity to discuss and reflect together on each step of the process. Please take your time while doing this exercise and take breaks as needed.

1 Baker, L. & Cunningham, A. (2004). Helping Children Thrive Supporting Woman Abuse Survivors as Mothers. Centre for Children and Families in the Justice System. Retrieved from: http://www.lfcc.on.ca/HCT_SWASM.pdf



1. Using the attached worksheet, identify 5 specific hurtful experiences a mother may have had in her life and put them in the column entitled“Experiences”. Choose two from her childhood, one from adolescence and two from adulthood. These experiences are not meant torepresent her entire experience – just individual, unique experiences. Please ensure each example is specific. Please do not say“experienced physical abuse”. Please describe a specific incident. For example, as a child, mom was hit on the back with a ruler by her fatherbecause she failed a test.

Reflection: What came up for you as you identified such specific experiences?

Reminder: In our work, we often hear that a mother has experienced ‘physical abuse’ or ‘sexual abuse’. Using these general terms, while helpful, does not always accurately represent the nuances of each incident. It is important to remember that these experiences are typically based on an accumulation of specific incidents, each one having its own impact on the mother, potentially reinforcing a challenging thought or feeling.

2. Now take a look at each experience that you identified and in column 2, identify a thought a mother may have had about that experiencewhen it happened. There may be many thoughts associated with an experience, you just need to identify one thought for each experienceyou listed. In the example above, as a child, after being hit with the ruler, a child may have thought, “It’s my fault”. Please hold off fromadding any feelings at this point, just stick with the thought.



Reflection: What do you notice about the thoughts that you have identified? Is there a theme or pattern that might be developing?

Reminder: The brain has evolved with a ‘negativity bias’ - it’s wired to pay more attention to the negative as a means of survival. In fact, the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences and thoughts.2 Because of this, negative experiences and thoughts are more easily reinforced, even in the face of positive ones.

3. Continuing with the worksheet, now pull things across and add a related feeling to each of the experiences and related thoughts in column 3.Again, there may be many feelings associated with the experience. You just need to choose one for each experience/thought that you haveidentified. For example, in the above example, a child who was hit with the ruler and thought “it’s my fault” may have felt worthless.

Reflection: What do you notice in looking at the thoughts and feelings together? Considering these thoughts and feelings come from a verylimited number of experiences that are not representative of a woman’s life, what do you think it would be like to parent a young child whilemanaging these thoughts and feelings?

Reminder: Parenting an infant or toddler is hard work and there are many times when it can be hard to know what to do. More challenging interactions with young children can easily reinforce challenging thoughts and feelings from previous hurtful experiences.

2 Hanson, R. Take in the Good. Retrieved from: https://www.rickhanson.net/take-in-the-good/

https://www.rickhanson.net/take-in-the-good/



4. In looking at the experiences, thoughts and related feelings, it’s now time to explore what parenting behaviours may come from theseexperiences. In the final column of the worksheet, identify a parenting behaviour that may be a result of the experience, thought andrelated feeling. For example, a child who was hit with the ruler, thought “it’s my fault” and felt worthless, may as a mother, struggle to setboundaries or routines for her child as she equates any kind of parental discipline to abuse.

Reflection: If you were to just look at the parenting behaviours you listed, without connecting them to the experiences, thoughts andfeelings, what would you think about this mom’s parenting? What is surprising to you when you are able to look back at how hurtfulexperiences can impact a woman’s day-to-day parenting?

Reminder: It can be common for mothers who have experienced trauma to feel that they aren’t “Good Mothers”. Helping mothers understand how hurtful experiences can impact their parenting and their feelings about themselves as mothers can help to reduce feelings of guilt and shame.

5. As a final step, in this activity, take some time to reflect on what mothers who have had hurtful experiences may need from you as youfacilitate MIM. What do you want to remember about this activity as you interact with mothers and their children in the program?



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MIM INTERN: STAGE 1 EXPERIENCES – THOUGHTS - FEELINGS – … · 2020-03-27 · reinforced, even in the face of positive ones. 3. Continuing with the worksheet, now pull things