Mini Action Guide to Emotional Intelligence for Directories

8/8/2019 Mini Action Guide to Emotional Intelligence for Directories

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The Mini Action

Guide to

EmotionalIntelligence

6 proven ways emotional

intelligence will improve

your health, bank balanceand relationships TODAY

By David Hawkins


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Copyright 2010 www.emotionali.com All Rights Reserved

2Introduction to Emotional Intelligence

What you will learn in this book...

ContentsChapter1. Influence Your Mind: The Foundations of Emotional Intelligence ..................................... 8

Chapter3. Me & Myself: How to Handle Your Emotions When Youre Under Stress ...................... 17

Chapter4. Tricks of the Trade: Simple Tricks That Will Give You E.I Now ..................................... 26

Chapter7. Gimme, Now: Powerful Ideas to Leverage Your E.I......................................................... 29

Chapter10. Do you feel successful? The Secret to High Performance .............................................. 32

Chapter17. The Ignition System My Philosophy ......................................................................... 42

**THIS EBOOK IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY

EMOTIONALI.COM--- To sign up for more information visit

www.emotionali.com
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A wise woman who was travelling in the mountains found a precious stone

in a stream. The next day she met another traveller who was hungry, and the

wise woman opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveller saw the

precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so withouthesitation. The traveller left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the

stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime.

But, a few days later, he came back to return the stone to the wise woman.

I've been thinking, he said. I know how valuable this stone is, but I give it

back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Give

me what you have within you that enabled you to give me this stone.

Sometimes it's not the wealth you have, but what's inside you that others

need.

Anonymous


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ForewordBecoming emotionally intelligent is the most organic and healthy way to maintain a

healthy mind. It saves you time and money and ensures successful relationships. But

enough of that...

Books on emotional intelligence are gaining in popularity but they all share one trait:

Theyre interesting but not actionable! I have written this action guide to set things

straight, and so I have leaned heavily on making each step of the way as actionable

for you as possible.

In this mini eBook Im going to give you 6

chapters from my popular eBook, The Action

Guide to Emotional Intelligence. With this snippet

youll be able to bring emotional intelligence into

your life today.

I hope you enjoy this book as much as I have

enjoyed writing it.

Best regards,

David Hawkins www.emotionali.com

The Basics:

EQ Emotional Quotient (Emotional Intelligence) IQ Intelligence Quotient (Mental Intelligence) E.I Emotional Intelligence


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Welcome

To get the most out of this eBook I suggest you print

it off and find a comfortable place to sit where you wont

be interrupted -- even better, find a highlighter to use.

With the information overload on the internet now, I want to thank you for taking the

time to download this eBook. And with that, Id rather not waste your time.

In developed countries today, people rarely find life physically

hard, they find life mentally hard -- it neednt be so hard

Im going to jump straight into it without introducing myself as Ive weaved my own

story throughout this book. In this day and age of the internet, time is a limited

resource. People are most concerned with whether you can deliver the results NOW,

and not whether you have the pre-requisite credentials of a Harvard degree and royal

blood -- because I dont have that.

What I do have is a guarantee youll get something out of this book that will change

the way you live your life in more than at least one positive way. On the strength of

that statement Ive set up a comments page for discussion on this eBook. Maybe there

is something you dont agree with, or a point you need clarifying -- you can write the

details there.


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On the subject of criticism I almost relish in it, how else do we improve on what

we have? Just one request though, please make it constructive criticism. We don't

want problems, we want solutions!

So what is E.I?

To start off, well briefly dive into the recent history books to find when the term first

came about. The term emotional intelligence was coined in 1990 by two men,

Salovey and Mayer. They described emotional intelligence as the following:

A form of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor

ones own and others feelings and emotions, to discriminate

between them and to use this information to guide ones thinking

and action.

-- This basically means an ability to handle your feelings.

I suspect you hadnt heard of Salovey and Mayer before now. The reason being, they

were upstaged by the psychologist/author Daniel Goleman. His book,Emotional

Intelligence, was released in 1995 and went on to become a bestseller. If you havent

read his book and this is an area of interest to you, its a must read.

Even though the term was coined very recently, the idea of E.I has been percolating

through cultures for eons. Whether it was through philosophers or religions,

particularly Buddhism, E.I is not a new idea. It just took some bright minds to tag it

with a name.

The system I use (which youll see in the last chapter) is not a traditional how to

method, nor does it have a time frame. This system was developed to be internalized
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over time. (Youll see ways of doing this throughout the book).

While many of the strategies in this eBook can be put into action with immediate

results, to get the most from this eBook you should begin to make some of theprincipals explored simply part of whom you are.

Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Throughout the book youll see exercises you can do to identify and develop your E.I

and to radically improve the output of your life. Of course, the exercises are optional

but I urge you to try them all. Some exercises may force you out of your comfort

zone BUT they only serve to expand you emotional capacity.

It leaves me to say, I hope you enjoy this taster eBook for emotional intelligence!


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Chapter1. Influence Your Mind: The Foundationsof Emotional Intelligence

Simply put, there are two ways the human mind learns, and this also forms the

foundation for how I believe E.I can be taught effectively.

1) The Logos/Pathos Law Logos (Define A style in pure logic and reason.) I will refer to logos now as repetition because this is the sense I use it in.

The method of teaching through repetition-

An easy, logical method. Ineffective (unless there are high levels of commitment.) The method we have most conscious control over however, we still need to

develop habits over time. This is why it's ineffective and time consuming.

Influences 10% of your mind. (This will make more sense when you have readthe next chapter)

Pathos (Define - A style that has the power to evoke feelings) The English language has over 5000 words for emotion Ill stick with

pathos here because it represents emotion in general.

The method of teaching through pathos -

An unexpected experience. I.e. the death of a loved one, a shock. An experience that you can relate to personally. I.e. your Favourite movie,


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news of a school shooting that taps into the core of human emotions -- it

doesnt matter how far away from your home it happens.

An unfamiliar experience to your brain. I.e. this can be as (consciously) subtleas an experience you simply haven't had before. Do you have one of these? Iremember the first time I'fill in the blank'.

Influences 90% of your brain. (This will make more sense when you have readthe next chapter)

E.I brings balance to faster learning

LOGOS PATHOSLOGOS PATHOS

Note: This form of learning is difficult to fabricate.

But all good teachers know that this is when students learn AND

REMEMBER. Anthony Robbins, the motivational speaker, uses a

very effective technique ofshocking people out of their thought

patterns. This approach is used to cure people of their phobias --

such as of spiders and snakes.

Potential Influence

(unbalanced)

Emotional Intelligence

(balanced)


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Repetition is the method of learning we use in schools. Would you say schools are

super effective in teaching? I think not. It is most effective for students who WANT to

learn but is grossly inadequate, I believe, for all other students.

This approach to teaching has become archaic in my opinion. But the problem we

have is that the Pathos system which I present may not work in a classroom of 30.

Much better is 1 on 1with teacher and student but it clearly isnt an option these days.

(Incidentally, I still think if this approach was refined, it would be more effective than

repetition. And school wouldn't be so boring...)

Thankfully, the system we use at Emotionali is based on 1 on 1, so that 'can of

worms' is avoided.

Now you know how habits are formed I want to take you through a simple idea into

the underlying workings of the mind. Here, youll find out why pathos is a muchbetter system than repetition from the brains perspective.

2) The 90/10 LawThroughout the rest of this book youll come across the term 90/10 in various

contexts quite a lot. Ill outline what it means here.

90%

10%


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One is the pushing, slam-bang, act first and think-afterwards

mode, to which events may yield as they give way to any strong

force.[90%] The other mode is wary, observant, sensitive to slight

hints and intimations; perhaps intriguing, timid in public andruthless in concealed action...[10%]

-- Experience and Nature, John Dewey, philosopher

At any one time your conscious mind is processing 7 independent tasks. These tasks

will be what you are experiencing at any particular time, whether it be playing chess,

riding a bike, or flying a kite. However, your performance in all of these activities

would be embarrassingly bad was it not for your unconscious mind...

This brings us to the big guns. Your unconscious mind is processing an astonishing

20,000 independent tasks every second, of every day see its not only women who

can multitask (!).

For the sake of easy understanding, these numbers can be translated into the ratio

90 (20,000) and 10 (7)

Note: The exact percentage values dont withstand

scrutiny of course, but then again, this is the human brain were

talking about the most complex piece of matter in our universe.


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- But theres a catchWe only have conscious control over 10% of our brains. 90% is locked away out of

our immediate reach. However, through becoming emotionally intelligent we canuse our 10% to condition that 90%, and develop more control over our minds and

our bodies -- and thats what Im here to explain.

I will show you how you can use your 10% to leverage the power of your 90%

So why is this important to know? Because with this understanding you can condition

yourself to be much more efficient in every part of your life. Whats more, once you

have developed the habits, you dont even need to think about performing well. Did

you ever notice how efficient people are always efficient? Thats because much of

what we do is the result of programmed habits.

Does this make sense so far?

Now numbers alone, in this context, have no meaning for the lay person. So I have

translated the numbers into meaningful words that represent the 90/10 ratio.

- 90% explained - So what is the 90% really all about?


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90% (unconscious, potential, emotional mind, E.Q, right brain, autopilot).

The Five Factors of the 90%:

1. Habits The culmination of life experience.2. Instincts to ensure the success of a race.3. Impulses Emotional urges for action, most often sparked by the environment.4. Hormones These are more influential in women than in men. It's why women

become infuriated with men who are 'too laid back' myself included.

5. Memes Memes represent the spread of ideas, symbols or practices, which areinfluenced upon people from other people through mediums that can be copied-- such as writing, speech, gestures and rituals.

These all affect your emotions which then affect your decision making

So how exactly do we tap into this powerful resource?

We leverage the unconscious mind by utilising the factors that represent the

unconscious mind. Namely, the one that is within reach, habits. Fortunately, habits

just so happen to be the defining characteristic that determines what we do in this

world, so if you gain control of these, you become the master of your destiny.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but

a habit.

- Aristotle


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You have already made the right decision by starting in the best possible place this

book. But if you dont understand a lot of the science, dont worry, you dont need to

understand it. The science just explains the background of how I work.

- 10% explained - So how does the 10% work, and what are the results of it?

10% (conscious, window of influence, logical mind, I.Q, left brain)

The incredible power we yield over ourselves to condition the 90% and thatalso separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom. We program ourselves

through what we experience -- all this information forms in the 90% so we can

effectively survive in our environment. This is why we become more

comfortable and familiar overtime in one place and why its difficult

emotionally to (re)settle in an entirely different culture/country.

Underused potential

What you are thinking about now (the reading of this book) represents one of your 7

conscious processes. Your attention may waver and, for example, youll recall that

phone call you were meant to make, or remember that you need to get some milk;

these examples make up your 7 conscious processes.


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This is an appropriate time to detail the subconscious. I dont really explore this

feature of our mind as its not very important for E.I but to cover it briefly Ill use the

examples above once more.

Remember that phone call you were meant to make and the milk you needed to buy?

Where does that information to your mind come from, where is the message before

the moment you become aware of it? Your subconscious.

Much like a submarine lies in wait before it surfaces for

refuelling; the subconscious lies in wait before it is called upon.

To take this analogy further, your unconscious would be the dark depths of the ocean

where theres no visibility (no awareness). Further, emotional intelligence would be

the radar the method we use to make sense of what we cant see.

ACTION STEPS...

Think about when you have learnt, and most importantly remembered. Was it

through repetition or pathos? How long did it take to learn?

Think about the actions you take that you dont consciously think about. Does itbother you sometimes the way youll do something WITHOUT thinking?

Are you good at multi tasking? Did you know that when we multi task we are

actually using different areas of our brain. Were not actually multi tasking by our

general definition.


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Can you grasp the idea of 90/10, and can you see how we can influence our 90% over

time?


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Chapter3. Me & Myself: How to Handle YourEmotions When Youre Under Stress

E.I is clearly needed most when we are losing control of our emotions -- when we are

upset, angry, confused or have any other strong feelings. This is when it's most

important. Questioning our instincts for action is a feature that separates us from the

rest of the animal kingdom, but unfortunately, when the atmosphere heats up, many

people lose that god given humanity and just become plain animals.

The most vivid demonstration in how our emotions can change was played out in

Robert Louis StevensonsDr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Man is not truly one, but truly

two, he said, and it demonstrates that we humans DO change fundamentally in the

heat of passion.

Science has proven that our judgements change profoundly between being in a

relaxed state and feeling highly emotional. In normal circumstances the brains area

of reason (frontal lobes of the brain) performs perfectly fine, but when we feel

distressed our emotions (limbic centre of the brain) take control. Anyone can be

pushed to the limits, but its up to you to decide what those limits are, and how you

deal with them. It is my interest to help you stay in control.

Lets say, for example, most people have a fair level of E.I when they are relaxed and

comfortable. This is how society runs smoothly, when people are 'in control'. This is

the 90/10 ratio. People have a natural level of control to moderate their feelings.

I'm sure that every day you have a thought or two that, if shared, wouldn't be in the

best interests of social harmony. Anything come to mind?


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I think youre an idiot How dare you say thatEven relatively harmless thoughts like: What did he mean by that? Does she like me?

-- Have you seenWhat Women Wantwith Mel

Gibson? If not, I urge you to watch it. It paints a

good picture of how society would be if we

couldn't contain our thoughts, seen through the

eyes of one man

Now imagine if everyone in society was angry, upset and confused all the time.

(Ironically this probably isn't too far from modern day life but stay with me on this.)

Instead of being 90/10 it would be, lets say 95/5. The balance is tipped and we begin

to say things we shouldn't, we begin to make mistakes inadvertently. Oftentimes, the

mistakes you make have been made time and again in the past. These are habits, or
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more specifically the phenomenon ofimprinting.

Imprinting is a term that was coined by the naturalist, Konrad Lorenz. Before the

term had come about, Lorenz conducted an experiment using goslings. He knew thatnewborn goslings became attached to the first living creature that saw. Invariably this

is Mother Goose, but on one occasion Lorenz placed himself on the frontline, and of

course, he then had several ardent followers in pursuit of him with an imprint of his

face on their eyelids.1

In 90/10 mode you're consciously aware of the reality -- how nature intended it. You

'catch' yourself before you make a silly mistake. In a word, you're proactive. But

when you're in 95/5 mode (angry, confused, distressed...) your consciousness has lost

its natural leverage, and those silly habits come flooding back with a vengeance.

You're now in 'autopilot' mode, fighting for control in a plane thats heading for a

crash landing. The more you try, the more you fail. There's only one thing that will

pull it back up. James Bond - no. E.I - yes.

Why did I do that? Sorry, I'm not with it today

It's one thing learning to steer a manual boat

on a lake, but quite another on rough seas.

So this is where E.I can be very powerful. Most of us have at least one point during

the day when we are hyped up and stressed about something. If you could just

'observe' yourself, as if from the third person, during these times, and question how

youre feeling, imagine the difference in outcome of every stressful decision you

make especially in terms of health, relationships and money.


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Take this idea. Have you ever noticed that it's easier to remedy others' problems as

opposed to your own? The reason for this is that when dealing with your problems

youve got a spaghetti junction of emotions to cope with. When observing someoneelses problem from 'outside the fish bowl' youre basing your judgement on logic

and empathy which isnt as overwhelming. This is why it helps to talk to a friend. So

when you know how to control your emotions and see yourself from the third person

you are essentially dealing with 'someone elses' problem. This is a long winded way

of saying 'empathy' but it serves to break down quite an advanced aspect of social

intelligence, empathy, into small steps.

Does this make sense?

All of us experience upset, anger and confusion, but its our ability to scrape, heave

and struggle out of these negative mindsets.

The following example is a very objective way of understanding the mind but it

serves as the general idea:

90/10 Healthy.

This is the frame of mind successful people STAY in MOST OF THE TIME. Ifthey fall, they jump back up to 90/10.

Optimism With E.I people can maintain this state We have the power to question our instincts, habits and hormones

91/9 Quite normal


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92/8 Just woke up

93/ 7 That wasn't there before

94/6 Get it together

95/5 Not another mistake... People with depression. People who are lazy. People who are bored. People who are afraid. Even people with a HIGH I.Q.

We can use neutral state to gain composure back (neutral state is explainedlater).

We have less control over our bodies and act more on instinct, habit andhormones.

This abstract idea serves to illustrate the importance of controlling your emotions.

You'll find that successful people handle the environment when the going gets tough.

This is innately within all of us, it can be conditioned. What's important here is that

we ALL reside in each of these moods sometimes -- its only human. What sets you

apart is which one you CHOOSE to reside in most of the time.

- LazinessThese are people who generally exemplify an air of whatever. They may even tell

you its not their problem on several occasions. These people will be losing control,

aware they are losing control, but be completely careless about it. After all, its not

their problem is it?

- BoredomStory: Im going in


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When I was younger I worked in a food store known as Sainsburys. I was

hired to put stock out on the shelves. Now, I knew it wasnt going to rock my

socks off so I reassured myself it would only be temporary. The first few weekswerent so bad; I had company doing the same work as me, so we dispelled the

pain of boredom by talking. That was, until a manager with a confident

hollow air of authority came and infringed his no conversation rule upon us

he separated us.

When ignoring customers had worn thin, I decided to head in the only direction

I could go inside. I dove into my mind and thought wonderful thoughts.

Personally I had a whale of a time, I would ponder a thought or two, and

memorise it for later development. Unfortunately, the manager didnt share my

introspective enthusiasm, and would ask me how far Id got with the work. Im

not sure how long hed have to wait before he got a response out of me, but

Im sure he would always jot it down in his journal for VIPs.

Oftentimes, if youre not performing well, it could mean its just not

challenging enough for you. Take a step back and think, Could I approach this

from another angle? If youre in a job, and youre not in a position to get a

new one, ask your manger for something more challenging. That initiative

reaps you many benefits, even if its just a good reference.

E.I Skills needed:

- Self Awareness- Personal Decision-making- Self Disclosure- Communications


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- Insight- Assertiveness

- FearStory: All is not what it seems

Now imagine buying new furniture for your house. You place it inside, re-arrange it until you're happy and then go about your daily life. Later that

evening you're eating your dinner at your new table, pleasantly surprised at

how comfy the new chairs are. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, an earthquake.It lasts only a moment but has shot the fear of God into you. You hear someone

screaming outside. Spinning around in a daze you dive under your new table.

Earthquake drills from your childhood make it instinctive. Your new table will

protect you if anything. You feel for the remote on the table to switch on the

TV. Maybe there's some coverage? Dead. The earthquake must have killed the

electricity. Want to know the tragic truth? It wasnt an earthquake; it was your neighbour's

son with his new subwoofer. The screaming was the father telling him to turn it

down and the TV was accessible all along; all you had to do was plug it in.

E.I Skills needed:

- Self Awareness- Personal Decision-making- Handling Stress- Managing Feelings- Assertiveness


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- Fear makes us cling to our familiar ideas -

Fear makes us cling to our familiar ideas, all the while blocking out new experiencesand having the environment inside our minds simmer.

It's new experience that re-affirms reality, and over time our minds have a nasty way

of changing reality into a distorted picture of reality. If new insights into life are

stonewalled we create our own deluded story, one that suits the dcor inside.

Fearful people live in the shell of experience they are familiar with, or they think they

know. Instead of taking in new information from the world around them they prefer

to close the small window of opportunity (the 10%) and stay inside. It's unhealthy to

sit in your own junk.

E.I begs you to question reality. You wouldnt believe the influence it has over how

you perceive the world.

Lacking the ability to question reality in this extreme example created havoc. Our

character isolated herself. Her neighbours were there all along, the TV was there all

along. She disconnected herself and she became a puppet to the world around here.

We only make ourselves alone. We create our own suffering.

To become a spectator of one's own life is to escape the

suffering of life.

-- Oscar Wilde

We hate change but it's going to happen. Better to moderate it through giving it a


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place in your mind, rather than letting it gradually make the most of you.

ACTION STEPS...

Have you ever made the distinction between your character when relaxed, and your

character when stressed?

Do you see how observing yourself in the third person can help you handle emotions

under stress?

Think about thoughts youve had about people that werent in the best interests of

social harmony. What if those thoughts escaped? To truly have a healthy mind you

shouldnt have negative thoughts of others thinking negatively about anything

makes it your problem.

If you havent seen What Women Want, make it the next movie you watch!

Try to identify when youre in 90/10 mode, and when youre in 95/5 mode. Youll

know when you feel bored, tired or stressed, and feel yourself starting to lose control.

Can you see how fear makes us cling to familiar ideas?


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Chapter4. Tricks of the Trade: Simple Tricks ThatWill Give You E.I Now

Im going to explain two concepts that are invaluable to E.I. Through understanding

these you will not only increase your productivity but develop a greater sense of

wellbeing.

- Parkinsons Law:Parkinsons law states that a job expands to

fill the time available to accomplish the task

If you have two weeks to finish a 2000 word report, (providing all the information is

in your head) what is the argument that having two days to finish the report will

produce an inferior result?

There is no rational answer to having an extended period of time to finish the report.

But crucially, having two weeks to finish it is less stressful, and this is the first

message to zap our minds on a basic level, its fear. And thats why most people

would opt for two weeks. (If we were rational creatures surely we would opt for two

days and take it easy for the next 12 days...).

Parkinsons Law is a perfect example of stage two in my system which I detail at end

of the book.

So, Parkinsons Law dictates that you would produce a better result after 2 days,

rather than 14, because the information is fresher in your mind. If we can overcome

instinctive decisions and understand we can get 12 days off, the benefits are clearly


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seen.

- Eustress:The word distress is one that we are all familiar. So what is eustress? Its the

opposite of distress its good stress. Is there such a thing?

Believe it or not, stress is good for us. It builds up our internal bar for appreciation, it

forces growth, and it gives us a sense of achievement. In a nutshell, stress is

imperative to happiness.

Without the downs, you cant truly appreciate the ups

I always thought that some stress was good for us, and then I was fortunate enough to

come across this term. To make it easy to understand Ive written some real-world

examples of eustress and distress below:

Eustress -- running a marathon and beating your personal record.

Distress having to perform a in a theatre production you dont know the lines to

Eustress stepping up to take a penalty kick in the World Cup final of football

Distress ...and missing

What distinguishes the two is how you feel after the stressful activity. In eustress you

feel relief and happiness afterwards. In distress you are still suffering.

Does this make sense?


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ACTION STEPS...

Can you see how Parkinsons law would make you more effective and productive?

Can you see how an understanding of eustress would make you more effective and

healthier?

Do you have a greater understand of what stress is now?

Do you think that in the future you can now identify whether stress is eustress or

distress, and act accordingly?

Do you agree that by understanding these concepts you can increase your productivity

NOW?

O.K, Im going to break this up with the central philosophy of mysystem. It will make sense later...


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Chapter7.Gimme, Now:Powerful Ideas to LeverageYour E.I

So 90% of your mind is where youll find our instincts, hormones, habits and myriad

other processes. These all conspire to affect your emotions, which then go on to affect

your decisions.

This is a powerful idea Im about to explain -

At birth, your emotions start off as a clean slate - perhaps leaning slightly towards

good or bad. If they arent given direction as they grow, emotions become bullies to

the body.

So what can you do if you havent been blessed with good emotions? (The vast

majority of us)It lies in that 10% that you have control over or can at least choose

to have control over. The 10% is like how a good teacher would influence a naughty

child -- with encouragement, that bully grows into an ally.

Now how would you influence a bully? Are you going to let that child get away with

murder?

Become a teacher to your mind


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Story - Honey, stay out the road- How not to doE.I

My folks have a dear little dog called Honey, a female cocker spaniel that is the

most obedient and beautiful dog Ive known -- of course, I am biased.

Unfortunately, shes recently been losing her eye-sight, a genetic problem in

aging spaniels, but when you call her from afar shell eventually find you, and

sit at your feet with a big old pair of puppy eyes.

My step mother, being retired, has got the gardening bug. She tends to the

garden, front and back, rain come shine. People are always strolling past,

complementing her on the front garden, and this no doubt encourages her to do

more.So what is a little doggy to do when shes lonely and no doubt bored inside the

house - nothing to bark at, and no one to pester? Well, follow my step mum out

of course.

Now, the back garden is comfortably under siege, it doesnt matter if next

doors cat, Whiskers, is perched on the back fence, Honey cant reach him and

with her eyes theres more chance of her jumping into the pond than up the

fence.

So what of the front garden? The front garden is conspicuously absent of any

boundaries no walls, no fences, no gates, no bushes, no chain mesh, and not

even a picket fence. One boundary, however, is very clear -- the road.

When my step mum is suitability high on the beauty of her own garden, there

sits little Honey to complete the picture of a 21st

century Edens garden --

complete with rush hour traffic and all.

And so with this road I gave my step mum a brief warning of Honeys

impending doom. It didnt nudge her. A casual explanation didnt nudge my

step mum. Even a thorough detailing of how an animals instinct invariably

comes before the green code didnt nudge her.

Ive concluded, she is the only customer that I would outright reject at the door


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to my information products on E.I. (And I dont reject ANYONE) It would be

like drawing blood from a stone, Im sure of it.

And so, I wait patiently for Whiskers the cat to evolve the intelligence to work

out how to eradicate Honey -- by staring longingly at Honey from the otherside of the road.

At least then Whiskers could comfortably have a full crap in our garden.

E.I Skills needed:

-

Self Awareness- Personal Decision-making- Conflict Resolution- Insight- Empathy- Assertiveness

ACTION STEPS...Do you understand the bully analogy?

Do you understand that, like a human relationship, it takes time to make emotions

workfor you, not against you?

Do you accept that youre never fully in control of your emotions but if you treat

them right, they will become more obedient?

Do you understand how NOT to do E.I?


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Chapter10. Do you feel successful?The Secret toHigh Performance

Theres a great ocean between thinking, and doing. Everyones got that golden

invention that would tip the world upside down millionaires overnight theyd be.

But millions of people keep their ideas to themselves. Millions of opportunities live,

and die in one mind.

But what comes of feeling and doing. Is feeling and doing the same as thinking and

doing?

They couldnt be further apart...

Trusting your gut instinct.

When people feel and do, its immediate. Its not a thought, its just done. True

achievement is when people continuously act/react on feeling, alone. Theyve

practiced so much that the instructions dont even need to become a thought its

instinct, its habit, and its like a God playing with mortals.

So why are people so full of broken aspirations and hollow dreams?

When we think, we are translating feelings into thoughts. These feelings are

messages from our instincts, our habits, our hormones, (the 90%) and even what

were physically seeing. By the time weve stopped to think, our logical brain has

already desperately started to rationalise these messages.


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During this process we get all the mixed messages. Now we have countless messages

that your logical mind is trying to put some meaning to. Eventually we rationalise

the answer but by now its hopelessly corrupt.

We get the following -

What if... But ... I cant do that... Im not ready...

IMPORTANT POINT

Our instincts, habits and hormones manifest themselves, if at all, in our conscious

mind (10%) through feelings. When we act on feelings we are harnessing the raw

power of the emotional mind. (90%) Star performance comes when you have put the

conscious time into training, and have taught your unconscious mind all it needs to

act upon. Through thinking you contaminate the message, and it results in limited

performance.

When you have put your 10,000 hours into any one practice, whether that is

playing the violin, or learning a martial art, true skill isnt about conscious

focus. Its about living in the moment and just doing it.3

When you feel you get results


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Story: Ace!

As I write this book, a Tennis match has just this minute finished that will

change the face of tennis; and no doubt the perceived stamina potential of

humans. The previous record held for the longest game of tennis, if Im getting

my facts right, was 24 games to 26, which in itself was an incredible score

when you consider the average game is a straight first to six games wins.

Its Wimbledon 2010; American born John Isner is playing French born

Nicolas Mahut. Theyre up to 59 games all and still serving at 120 mph. The

powers that be, however, have decided to call it a night. Its getting dark.

The next day the mutual resilience continues. Finally though, one relents. John

Isner breaks away to win the game at a phenomenal 70 games to 68, after 11

hours 5 minutes of full throttle tennis. The match was stopped for the evening

at 59 games all but it still stands to reason...

E.I Skills displayed:

- Self Awareness

Elite performers

Most people


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- Communications- Handling Stress- Managing Feelings- Assertiveness

- How did they go on for so long?

There are two explanations:

1. Both players were of an extremely close ability in performance.2. Comparatively, they had very strong mentalities this is where E.I plays a part.

These players, from the moment they stepped out onto the court were in feeling

mode, they would rely on all those years of training, the leveraging of the 90%, as the

game progressed.

If these players had been thinking, they would have thought they were tired and

rationally called it a night after say, 20 games. If they were thinking it would have

destroyed that natural focus. They were just feeling, and as a result of that, they

would have continued to play until their bodies collapsed.

A thoroughbred horse will run until its heart bursts and it dies onthe spot. A man will go to thirty per cent of his capacity and then

he drops but he is not dead by a long way. At this stage the mind

must take over or force or fear takes over the mind to extractanother thirty percent at least that is available.

--Legionnaire, by Simon Murray
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How can YOU become a star performer?

Every battle is won before it is ever fought

-- Sun Tzu

To put it simply, the single most important aspect is to prepare -- simple as that.

Ask any fitness coach in the world, and they will tell you the most important part of

your exercise routine is the warm-up.

If you dont prepare, acting on feeling alone is suicide, you simply cant leverage the

power of your 90% because it doesnt know anything. Just because you feel, doesnt

mean you should. But the more prepared you are, the better position you are in to rely

on your 90% when it takes control in stressful performing conditions.

Numerous experiments have conclusively found that abilities to

handle emotions are better indicators of future success, than I.Q

levels

We humans are hard wired to know, or rather, think we know. Following, is a

small section from a book calledThe Intelligent Investor. Its a seminal work on

stock investing by Benjamin Graham, a man who taught Warren Buffett a thing or

two. Incidentally, its a book that reinforces emotional control over intellect, and if

Warren Buffet endorses it, you know he was talking some sense.
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It turns out that our brains are hard wired to get us into investing

trouble; humans are pattern-seeking animals. Psychologists have

shown that if you present people with a random sequenceand tell

them that its unpredictablethey will nevertheless insist on tryingto guess whats coming next. Likewise, we know that the next

roll of the dice will be a seven, that a baseball player is due for a

base hit, that the next winning number in the Powerball lottery will

definitely be 4-27-9-16-42-10and that this hot little stock is the

next Microsoft.4

...Just remember this on your next holiday to Vegas, ok?

If, on the other hand, you have prepared, (and the line between being prepared and

not prepared is hazy but read on) your chances of success are raised. Even if you fail,

your mistakes will give you vital clues about the state of your 90%.

Just one mistake in the field is better than endless preparation. Why? Because

preparation becomes repetition and a mistake becomes pathos.

Imagine a player who has natural talent. This player is using his 10% very efficiently;

it just makes sense to him. Take a seasoned professional who is leveraging 90% and

you begin to see a whole different game. 90% is not only more powerful, but its

more consistent too, because it doesnt rely on the accident prone 10% (the

conscious mind).


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ACTION STEPS...

Do you understand the difference between thinking and doing, and feeling and doing?

Do you understand why people dont achieve?

Do you understand that great performance is about relying on your 90%?

Do you understand that when you feel, you get results?

Do you understand the importance ofpreparation?

Do you accept that we humans are wired to see whats not there? (Dice patterns, the

weather, you name it. Even ghosts!)


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BONUS: Irrationally rational

There are wealthy gentlemen in England who drive four-horse

passenger-coaches twenty or thirty miles on a daily line in thesummer because the privilege costs them considerable money; but

if they were offered wages for the service, that would turn it into

work, and then they would resign.

-- Mark Twain, American author and humorist

At some point you will have to accept that we are irrational by nature. Simply put,

every message that your brain receives (through the spinal cord at the rear) passes

through your emotions (in the central area of the brain) before it gets to where your

rational thinking takes place (at the front of your brain) its impossible to make a

judgement purely on logic. But this is where E.I comes in. Through conditioning we

can use that 10% (the front) to make decisions based on an understanding of the

emotions we experience. (Centre)

Making a purely rational decision is impossible, and its the awareness of your

emotions that is the key to good decision-making.


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Recently, I finished reading a

wonderful book called

Predictably Irrational, by

Dan Ariely. He gets you

questioning why you make

the decisions you do, and

takes you through

experiments to prove just

how irrational we are great

read.

ACTION STEPS...

Do you accept that many of your rational decisions are actually irrational?

Do you understand that every decision you make has already been tainted by your

emotions affected by logically unrelated things (i.e. reminds you of a partner you

once had)

Do you understand that making a purely rational decision is impossible, and its the

awareness of your emotions that is the key to good decision- making
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BONUS: The Law of Momentum

Travel:

I cant think of any better way to gain mental momentum, than travelling. An act that

forces you to perceive the world from a different perspective, filling your mind with

persistently new experiences, giving you the foundation to build more associations

later in life better learning capabilities. Even the exploration of completely new

cultures is a re-birth in itself. A rich variety of landscapes results in a rich mind. How

can you not pick up mental momentum with so much inspiration?

How far you physically look ahead, translates to how far you

mentally look ahead

Buy a notepad and a few pens, and travel. Whether its 10 miles, or 10,000 miles;

whether its a week, or its a year, travel gives your mind the stimulation to organise

itself.

We need only travel enough to give our intellects an airing.

-- Henry David Thoreau,Walden,, author and famous minimalist

ACTION STEPS...

Do you understand the benefits of changing your scenery?

Do you accept that new experience makes you more courageous emotionally?
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Chapter17. The Ignition System My Philosophy

You are about to learn the 3 three step process I use to create solutions to problems in

health, relationships and money. With this system you can nurture your own E.I in

your life.

Step 1 - Fuel for FireThis means that you cant expect to get any meaningful results without first putting

something in preparation. People expect money, they expect respect, and they

expect change. But you can't expect a flame without first providing the fuel. This

doesn't necessarily mean you have to work hard, this means you have to use your

noddle -- your brain. It's amazing the results you can achieve if you simply know

WHAT to do. The time and money saved is invaluable, and that is what this system is

for. Preparation guidelines are narrowed in scope to cater specifically for the problem

at hand. (That could be depression, fear, anger, social skills and so forth.) There are,

however, three main pillars that all guidelines stem from:

1) Self Awareness/Assessment:Identifying, expressing and managing feelings.

One of the foundations of emotional competence accurate self-

assessment was associated with superior performance among

several hundred managers from 12 different organizations.

(Boyatzis)11


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2) Impulse Control:Knowing the difference between feelings and actions, and learning to make

better decisions by controlling the impulsive urge to act -- particularly by

anticipating the consequences of your actions.

Shall I have one sweet now and one only, or wait 5

minutes with nothing and then have two?

3) Communication:Being able to read AND listen to emotional/social cues. Rising above negative

influences by identifying your principals held and the reality of the situation.

Understanding what behaviour is socially acceptable and empathising with

other people's perspectives.

Fail to prepare, prepare to fail

Step 2 - Burn your Bridges-- The removal of your willpower, which is a weakness.

This is where the real change begins...

So much opportunity in life is just a case of putting one foot in front of the other. Its

so easy when you put it like that isnt it? But we have those clouds over us called

emotions that obscure our view of the stars.


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Heres a powerful idea...

If we were in control of someone elses life, theyd all be presidents, professionalathletes, rock stars and millionaires in no time. It would just be a case of saying, I

want to do this...

To stay consistent with willpower is a big challenge, and it takes your every strength

to hold your grip. Much more effective is removing it from the process completely.

Youre working with 100% instead of 10%

By burning bridges you gain control of someone elses life, youre taking your

emotions out of the equation and you have no choice but to succeed. By leveraged

planning in advance, you remove the risk.

Story: What Happened?

In 210 BC, a Chinese commander named Xiang Yu led his troops across the

Yangtze River to attack the army of the Qin dynasty. Pausing on the banks of

the river for the night, his troops awakened in the morning to find, horrified,

that their ships were burning. They hurried to their feet to fight off their

attackers, but soon discovered that it wasXiang Yu himselfwho had set their

ships on fire, and that he had also ordered all the cooking pots to be crushed.

Xiang Yu explained to his troops that without the pots and the ships, they had

no other choice but to fight their way to victory or perish they wonnine

consecutive battles.12

E.I Skills needed:


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- Self Awareness- Empathy- Personal Decision-making- Insight- Managing Feelings- Assertiveness- Group Dynamics- Conflict Resolution

Through burning your bridges you leverage your environment which is out of your

control, in place for willpower which is in your control but difficult to maintain. Its

my mission to help you turn those clouds into a starry night, and its also my mission

to help you plan and make life changing decisions one after the other.

This strategy may not be viable for every problem E.I can solve not every problem

calls for such severe action. But it is definitively the most efficient. Other methods I

explore on the web-site may leverage willpower but you can be sure I will always use

techniques you can use that heighten your chances of success.

Step 3 - Burn Baby BurnAnd then we reach our last step. Youve done the preparation, youve done the

legwork, but now you need to stitch up all that work so it doesnt come undone.

Value driven - Where removing your willpower from the equation gives you


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greater leverage and faster results, living and being directed by deeply held

principles is the best weapon against habits returning with a vengeance; and

that is why it's the last point of the system. If the sacrifice of willpower is the

furnace, your values are the temperature regulator. When the right actions aretaken you can recognise the benefits early on, but emotional influence is

always a work in progress and values will reinforce change.

Lasting change requires sustained effort, you can leverage

this through principals that you genuinely believe to be true.

Note:

I may sound like a convicted arsonist but I assure you, there's a reason for using fire

as an analogy:

Fire does not equal:

Laziness I.e. I can't be bothered to escape my otherwise certain demise... I


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don't think so.

Tiredness I'm sure a fire would snap you out of lethargy. Anger Anger only serves to waste time. You should be thinking about

solutions not problems. Shouting at the fire won't make it go away; I don't care

what you say.

Ambling through a park As nice as it sounds, we have more importantengagements. Besides, in the future with a healthier mind you'll be able to

enjoy it more.

ACTION STEPS...Does step 1 Fuel for Fire make sense to you? Is there any way you can begin to

action the ideas today?

Does step 2 Burn Your Bridges make sense to you? Is there any way you can begin

to action the ideas today?

Does step 3 Burn Baby Burn make sense to you? Is there any way you can begin to

action the ideas today?


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- Final word -

Hi! I hope you gained something from this mini-guide to Emotional Intelligence. Of

course is this book didnt quite quench your thirst for information you can always buy

the full version, which include much more valuable and interesting information. Just

head over towww.emotionali.com

Bonus! You earn an electronic hug from me if you leave a comment/testimonial on

my discussion pagehttp://www.emotionali.com/?p=60(Ok, so its not exactly a

bonus but hey, with a community we can share the love! Ahem).

Talk soon,

Dave Hawkins

- Redefining what it means to be smart with emotional intelligence

**THIS EBOOK WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY

EMOTIONALI.COM

--- To sign up for more information visit

www.emotionali.com
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REFERENCES/NOTES:

3-THE 10,000 HOURS CONCEPT GLADWELL,M.(2009),OUTLIERS,PENGUIN 4 - Are You Wired for Wealth? http://tiny.cc/9kahg - 24/06/10 7 - Business Case for E.I:http://tinyurl.com/39lply4- 25/06/10 10 - Business Case for E.I:http://tinyurl.com/39lply4 - 27/06/10
http://tiny.cc/9kahghttp://tinyurl.com/39lply4http://tinyurl.com/39lply4http://tinyurl.com/39lply4http://tinyurl.com/39lply4%20-%2027/06/10http://tinyurl.com/39lply4%20-%2027/06/10http://tinyurl.com/39lply4%20-%2027/06/10http://tinyurl.com/39lply4%20-%2027/06/10http://tinyurl.com/39lply4%20-%2027/06/10http://tinyurl.com/39lply4http://tiny.cc/9kahg

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Mini Action Guide to Emotional Intelligence for Directories