TorchModule two workbook

Lesson 6

Your Authentic SelfThe aim of this class: To reconnect with and gain a deeper

understanding of your authentic self.

In this lesson, we’ll be covering the following:

➳ We’re going to explore who your authentic self is.

➳ We’ll identify what gets in the way of you fully expressing your

authentic self.

➳ We’ll explore ways to more deeply connect with and unleash the

power of your authentic self.

Who is your authentic self?

Much of what we’ve done in the first module, Truth, has been about

peeling back the layers to reveal more of our authentic self.

Our authentic self is who we are beneath the bullshit. Beneath the

voice of the inner critic, beneath the obligations and responsibilities of

daily life, beneath the influences of parents, peers and society at large.

Your authentic self, is the who you’d show up as if you truly didn’t care

what other people would say or think.

When you are living from your authentic self, you could describe it as

being completely comfortable in your own skin. Happy and in love with

who you are, accompanied by a feeling of freedom to do, say and feel

whatever is true for you in the moment. Bear in mind that your

authentic self comes from love not fear so doing and saying whatever

you want from this space doesn’t hold negative consequences

because it comes from a loving space, loving towards ourselves and

others.

Martha Beck in her book ‘Finding Your Own North Star’ refers to this

part of us as the Essential Self, as opposed to the social or

disconnected self and says: “As opposed to the “social self,” the

essential self is always focused on our best lives and will actively resist

anything that is not in our genuine best interest. Unfortunately, the

essential self is not verbal, while the social self thinks almost

exclusively in language. To access our essential selves, we pay close

attention to the physical body, which responds with tangible tension

and resistance when we try to take the wrong path, and leaps forward

joyfully when we take the right ones.”

Tara Mohr, in her book, ‘Playing Big’ refers to this part of us as the Inner

Mentor, which she describes as “a voice in each of us that is

unburdened by fear and untouched by insecurity, that has utter calm,

that emanates love for oneself and others, and that knows exactly who

we would be if we were brave enough to show up as our true selves.“

So given these definitions, why wouldn’t you want to show up as your

authentic self when it sounds so amazing? Why then are so many of us

keeping our authentic selves buried under lock and key?

The answer is a simple one. We are scared. Scared to be vulnerable

and scared of being judged or rejected.

Blocks to your authentic self

From the moment we can interact and understand the world around

us, we are bombarded with messages about who we should be, how

we should look and what we should do in this world to be accepted

and loved. From the moment we become aware of the notion that we

might be rejected by people, we’re overwhelmed with reasons why

that rejection might occur.

But here’s the thing, your authentic self can’t be rejected because he

or she is rooted in love and a deep knowing that the truth of who we

are is so much bigger than the size of our bank balance, our job title,

what model of car we drive, the people we “know” and where we shop.

It’s bigger even than the acceptance we court from our parents, our

families and our existing or potential romantic partners.

Have you ever noticed that all these people who we aim to please

tend to morph into one big generalised other? And we imagine what

“they” will think if we do x or y. Renowned Life Coach, Martha Beck

talks about this as our “Everybody.” We all have an everybody that's

unique to us and represents when we let our fear of what

"everybody" will think stop us from truly showing up, that we block our

authentic self from being fully expressed.

10 signs that you’ve become disconnected

from your authentic self

➳ You bite your tongue and hold back from saying what you really

think out of fear of what others might say.

➳ After spending time with people you agonise over what you did say

and how it might have been interpreted.

➳ You worry about what people will think if you reveal your true self,

feelings, opinions or thoughts.

➳ You don’t feel lit up and excited by what you do in your life, whether

that’s your work, your relationships or your social life.

➳ You daydream about the things you would love to do but you never

share these dreams or take action on them because you fear that

people would think they were stupid.

➳ You say yes when you want to say no.

➳ You experience jealousy or envy when you see someone else living

their authentic life.

➳ You do things that you know don’t serve you and then wonder why

you did them.

➳ You experience resentment on a regular basis.

➳ You feel like a victim of your circumstances and honestly believe

that you would change if it weren’t for your current situation.

“Authenticity is one of the most important ingredients in

creating a healthy and sustainable relationship. Yet it can

also be one of the most challenging to practice on a day-

to-day basis. Why? The answer is simple: fear. We fear that

if we showed up as we truly are - saying, doing, and feeling

the real things that are going on within us without

augmenting or censoring ourselves in any way - that

others might disconnect from us, feel upset with us, or

even leave us.”

~ Carley Hauck

Think back to a time in your life when you’ve been in crisis. Perhaps

you had a health scare, someone dear to you died, your relationship

ended or you lost your job. When we face big challenges like these,

they can often be a catalyst for change because in the face

of great challenge our desire to return to our authentic self feels more

urgent than usual. Consider and write down what changes, if any,

occurred in your life as a result of the crisis you experienced?

Exercise One: crisis

Think about all the times you’ve said yes to something you really

wanted to say no to. Write out a few common themes you see. Are

there particular people or particular requests you have trouble saying

no to? What do you fear will happen if you do say no? What does this

tell you about your authentic self?

Exercise two: Saying no

Exercise THREE: bucket list

Write your bucket list. Write out everything you’d like to do before

your next milestone birthday. You can take a look at one I wrote back

when I was 34. I created a 40 things to do before I turn 40 (which I do in

Feb 2017) and I’m pleased to say I’ve managed to knock 17 of them off

the list since then. http://lifeislimitless.com/time-waits-for-no-man-

forty-things-to-do-before-youre-forty/

Contemplate what this list tells you about your authentic self. Is she a

thrill seeker or a culture vulture? An introvert or an extrovert? What

does your wish list reveal about your authentic self?

Below you'll find some sentence stems to complete and also

some questions to reflect or journal on, which delve even deeper into

your authentic self.

Finish the following sentences and journal on what comes up:

➳ I am being my authentic self when I...

➳ I am being inauthentic when I...

➳ The thing I am most scared that people will find out about me is...

➳ The thing I’m scared will happen if people do find this out about

me is...

➳ My biggest fear about being more transparent is...

➳ The worst thing someone could say about me is...

➳ What would my life look like if I lived from my authentic self?

➳ Who would I be if I lived from my authentic self?

➳ What would I do differently with my life if I lived from my authentic

self?

Reflection

Having shone the light of awareness on your true self, as you have

been doing throughout this program so far, the only thing left to do to

unleash your authentic self onto the world, is to practice vulnerability.

The sad irony is that we hide away our true selves to avoid rejection

but the doorway to love is in our willingness to be truly seen.

What can be done to live from your authentic self more?

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage,

empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy,

accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our

purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability

is the path.

We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful

selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the

spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust,

respect, kindness and affection.”

~ Brené Brown

If you haven’t already watched it, and even if you already have, I

strongly recommend taking some time now to watch Brené Brown’s

powerful talk on vulnerability:

https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability

➳ Telling the truth about what’s bothering you.

➳ Admitting that you’re afraid.

➳ Showing up to a new group on your own when you don’t know

anyone.

➳ Falling in love and not playing games to look cool or play down how

you feel.

➳ Saying no when you would usually say yes.

➳ Asking for help.

➳ Admitting that you’re feeling hurt rather than putting a brave face

on.

➳ Saying what you really think, even when you know others won’t

agree with you or like it.

Why not do something today that would express your authentic

self by being vulnerable?

Some examples of vulnerability in action

Bonus resource

In module 2 and in the resource library on the website you'll find a

video of myself and the other two members of my mastermind group

(also fellow program participants), Teofana Grecea and Stephanie Lisa

Kelly discussing our personal answers to the following questions:

Who is your authentic self? How do recognise her? How do you

connect with her? And ultimately how do you ensure that you show up

as her in the world. Feel free to journal on those questions for yourself

before watching the video.

Lesson 7

PurposeThe aim of this class: To understand what living with purpose means

and how it can more deeply connect you to yourself and to your life.

In this lesson, we’ll be covering the following:

➳ What purpose is and what it isn't.

➳ Unhelpful myths around purpose.

➳ What living with purpose means for you.

➳ Creating a purpose statement.

Before we dive into the content of this lesson, take a moment now to

consider what the word purpose means to you. What you expect to

find in a lesson on purpose and the role purpose currently plays in

your life, make a note of that here:

The dictionary defines Purpose in three ways.

1. The reason for which something is done or created or for which

something exists.

2. A person's sense of resolve or determination.

3. Have as one's intention or objective .

All of these play into the definition of purpose we'll be covering in

today's lesson but the most important distinction we'll be making is the

one between the ideas of "finding our" purpose and "living with"

purpose.

Finding our purpose most often refers to that one thing we are put on

this earth to do, also referred to as our calling and our passion. Living

with purpose, on the other hand, most often refers to living a

meaningful life, whatever that might mean for you and whatever you

might be doing.

In my work as a coach, I’ve watched a lot of people get hung up on

finding their purpose, using their lack of a clearly defined purpose as

an excuse for inaction. Making comments like "I don’t know what my

purpose is, therefore, I don’t know which direction to head in."

What purpose is

Living with purpose however, can be found right where we are,

whatever we might be doing and in any given moment. We can do

anything with purpose, even if that's simply helping our spouse with

the chores.

When we are looking outside ourselves for anything at all, we’re

looking in the wrong direction. Living with purpose has us live in

harmony with an inside-out paradigm, whereas seeking to find our

purpose can have us looking outside ourselves for the perfect job, role,

career or project to undertake that will give our lives meaning.

“For the meaning of life differs from man to man, from

day to day and from hour to hour. What matters,

therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but

rather the specific meaning of a person's life at a given

moment.”

~ Viktor E. Frankl

➳ We only have one purpose. One calling. One thing that we were put

on this earth to do.

➳ Our purpose is what we do in the world, our work like being a doctor

or a writer.

➳ Our purpose is fixed and doesn’t change or evolve.

Now we've got those on the table let's just clear a few things up.

Your purpose evolves. Just as your values do, just as you do. A

purpose that might have served you five years ago may not serve you

now. It's not a magic "thing" that you find which suddenly

sees everything fall into place.

Rather than what you do in the world, your purpose relates more to

what your overall mission is and who you want to be in and for the

world. How you want to live your life and the meaning and impact you

want it to have.

For example, my current purpose (or mission) is to support and inspire

women to show up in the world as their best and fully expressed

selves.

The ways in which I can do that are countless. I might do it in a

conversation with my closest girlfriend by encouraging her to follow

her dreams.

Myths we've been told about purpose

“The purposeful are those who have found something

meaningful to dedicate themselves to, who have sustained

this interest over a period of time, and who express a clear

sense of what they are trying to accomplish in the world

and why. They have found a cause or ultimate goal that

inspires their efforts from day to day and helps them

fashion a coherent future agenda. They know what they

want to accomplish and why, and they have taken

concerted steps to achieve their ambitions.”

~ William Damon

I might do it by speaking my mind in a conversation with friends or

by simply showing up in the world as authentically as I can.

I could also do it through my work as a coach, writer and teacher but

the key is that my purpose is not my work. My work is one way I can

live with purpose.

My purpose is fairly specific but I've seen other people whose purpose

is as simple as "to spread love."

The point is to identify and connect with something that gives

meaning to your life.

Take some time now to reflect or journal on the following questions.

➳ What gives meaning to my life?

➳ When in my life do I feel most fulfilled?

➳ What does living with purpose look like for me?

➳ Who do I want to be? How do I want to show up in the world?

➳ How do I want to live my life?

➳ What guides my decisions and actions?

➳ What do I want my life to be in service of?

➳ How would I like to be remembered?

➳ What impact, if any, do I want to have on the world?

➳ My ideal world is one in which…

➳ I think my talents and skills are best served helping…

Reflection

exercise one: uncover your gifts

Before we can think about how you might live a more purposeful life,

we need to tap into your unique talents and gifts. Write down

20 unique gifts or talents that you possess. These gifts can include

'hard' skills like 'graphic design' or 'project management' and soft skills

like 'making people laugh' or 'being a good listener.' If you're struggling

to find 20 ask a friend or family member what they think your unique

gifts or talents are. Often we fail to see our best attributes but they can

be very obvious to others.

exercise two: Consider your impact

Now we want to spend some time considering what impact you would

like your life to have on the world. Consider the subjects in life that you

feel most passionate about, maybe it's poverty, inequality or the plight

of elephants in Thailand. Maybe it's less specific than that, it might be

raising consciousness or spreading love. Consider for what purpose or

aim you'd like to use your gifts and be sure to consider your why. Why

is this important to you? Journal on whatever comes up.

exercise Three: create a purpose statement

To create a purpose or mission statement that engages and inspires

you to action, you have to not only know what you have to offer the

world and for what purpose you also have to know why. Use your

notes from the last two exercises to draft your purpose statement or

mission. Don't get hung up on writing the perfect statement, draft

something, sit with it and see how it feels a few days or weeks from

now. The key is that it's a statement that you feel good about, a

statement that gives meaning and purpose to your life and day-to-

day.

Lesson 8

VisionThe aim of this class: To create and connect to a vision for your life

In this lesson, we’ll cover and look at:

➳ The importance of having a vision.

➳ What a vision is and what it’s not.

➳ Different ways to create your vision.

➳ How your vision of your future can more deeply connect you to

your present.

The importance of having a vision

Take a moment now to consider your most important achievements or

blessings in life. It could be landing your dream job, running a

marathon, finding the love of your life or something else entirely.

Whatever they are, ask yourself now whether or not you had

envisioned them to some extent before they happened? The chances

are that in most if not all cases, the answer to that question is yes.

Now take a moment to consider who you were and what your life

looked like a year ago, two years, five years and ten years ago. Have

you changed? Has your life grown and evolved? Of course it has

right?

We don’t get a choice about evolution, it’s a natural part of life that

happens whether we want it to or not. Circumstances change, other

people change and we change. About the only thing we can

rely on not to change is the fact that change will happen.

So, when we consider those two things together. The fact that most of

our greatest achievements and blessings were at one time, conceived

of first in our mind before they became our reality and that that we

continue to grow and evolve no matter what, then getting intentional

about our vision for our future begins to look important.

As a coach, I have encountered resistance to looking too far into the

future, some people feel that to have a focus on future denies in some

way what we have in the present or ties us too rigidly to a future that

may or may not happen. They worry that they’ll be disappointed if it

doesn’t happen or that in having a strong vision they will miss out on

other things that could occur outside of this vision. This needn’t be the

case and we’ll cover this in more detail later in the lesson.

There are three main ways we can benefit from having a vision of our

future self or life.

Inspiration: having an inspirational vision of your future life can really

help you to feel more passionate and energised in your present,

because you have a real sense of what you are creating. It can also

help us to feel more connected to the here and now. When we know

what we are trying to create, we have more clarity about what we

need to do and who we need to be in the current moment in order to

make that vision a reality.

The purpose of having a life vision is to create a picture of our

desirable future in order that we can better focus our lives and inspire

us to take action towards it.

Direction: Many people have a sense of wanting something different

for their life but lack the clarity of what that is or how to get there.

Having a strong vision, makes taking action aligned with that vision

much easier. When we have a clear sense of the direction we want to

grow in, we are better equipped to take steps in the present to support

that. Although don’t expect a journey without some interesting detours

because where would be the fun in that?

Possibility: Being able to imagine ourselves in a future that currently

doesn’t exist, makes it more likely that that vision will or can become a

possibility. There was a time in history when running a four minute mile

was deemed impossible because it had never before been achieved

and therefore, was difficult for people to imagine.

Since it was first achieved in 1954 by Roger Bannister in 3 minutes and

59.4 seconds, the "four-minute barrier" has since been broken by many

male athletes, and is now the standard of all male professional middle

distance runners. Once people realised it was a possibility, they were

able to better imagine themselves achieving the same and then more

and more people did just that.

As American poet, writer, and educator Lucile Clifton once said: “We

cannot create what we can't imagine.”

Your vision is a current picture of what a point in your future life could

look like. A picture of what you'd like to create. This can be

represented in many ways. You might have your vision written down,

you might have a visual representation of your vision, it may even be

something that lives only in your mind’s eye. Your vision can take

various forms.

Your vision represents the direction in which you want the inevitable

growth and change that will occur in your life to take.

Your vision is not fixed or set in stone. You may over the course of a

lifetime have many life visions and you can at any one time have

several visions on the go. You can also revisit your vision anytime, if it

no longer feels relevant or aligned with who you are or who you want

to be.

Your vision is about what not how. Which means that you don’t need

to worry about your vision tying you down to a particular course of

action and thereby ruling out some unexpected treasures that you

might find along the way.

I'd like to share with you the role vision plays in my life to illustrate how

it can be used.

What a vision is and what it isn't

At the end of each year I create a vision of where I want my business

to be a year from now, which is usually written out with some level of

specificity and some goals thrown in for good measure. At the same

time I have a 3-5 year(ish) vision of what I want my overall life to look

like (where we’ll be living, what my relationship will look like, what kind

of parent I want to be etc) which lives largely in my head.

Another much longer-term vision that drives me is one where I am on

my death-bed, looking over the course of my life and feeling free of

regret. It’s one I’ve held for many years and has driven and continues

to drive many of my life decisions, both big and small. As a result of

this vision, I frequently ask myself, will I feel death-bed regret if I don’t

do this? I’m not concerned with regretting the things I actually do but I

would like to live a life where I don’t avoid things that I might later

regret not doing.

If you haven't already done this exercise as part of your core values

work or as part of the Connection Kickstart, you might want to consider

doing it now.

Find a slot of uninterrupted time in your schedule and create a relaxing

and peaceful space. Make sure you have a journal and pen beside you

and get into a comfortable seated position. Meditate for ten minutes

before opening a notepad. If you’re new to meditation, use my guided

centering audio (you'll find this on the website in both the bonus

section of this module and the resource library) to lead you into a more

centred and relaxed state.

After the time is up grab your journal and at the top of the page, write

the words: "my ideal day." Free write for as long as it takes, describing

your perfect day in as much detail as you can muster.

Creating Your Vision

exercise one: Your ideal day

In this section you’ll find a variety of exercises designed to draw out

your personal life vision. You don’t necessarily have to do them all,

although if you do, you’ll gain a richer and deeper vision than if you just

do one of the exercises.

Although I mentioned earlier that you could have multiple visions for

different parts of your life, for the purposes of this lesson, these

exercises will support you to draw out one general life vision,

exercise two: vision board

As you write, consider questions like these:

When and where do you wake up? What colour our your sheets? What

do you see when you open your eyes? Who are you lying next to?

How do you feel as you consider your day ahead? What is your

morning routine? What work do you do? How many hours do you

work? Where do you work? What does your day look like? Who do

you spend time with? How do you socialise? What kind of meetings or

conversations do you have? How do you exercise? What food do you

eat? How does your evening go? How do you relax or wind down?

What time do you go to bed and most importantly how do you feel as

your head hits your pillow and you contemplate your day?

Creating a Vision Board in addition to your ideal day is a perfect way to

bring your vision to life. You can do this on paper or online.

Take time to consider your vision and review what you wrote in the

ideal day exercise - you might also like to review your values and

purpose as you do this work.

To do this online, dedicate some time to look on the internet for

images that represent your vision. Pinterest.com is a great resource for

this. You might even create boards for each of the areas of your life

and pin images that represent your vision. You can search on your

values or more specifically, those things you saw as you contemplated

your ideal day.

If you're feeling really creative, you might want to create a vision board

on paper. For this you'll need a large piece of paper (at least A2),

coloured pens, glue, scissors, access to images (either magazines or

images printed from the internet), a nice chunk of time and some

uplifting music!

Imagine this big piece of paper as a blank canvas, upon which you're

creating your life's work! Your masterpiece.

Write an encouraging headline, this could be your purpose or an

intention for your life, write down some affirmations or words that

describe how you want to feel, these might also include your values.

Find pictures that represent your vision and arrange them on the paper

alongside words that help describe what you want to create in your

life. For example "I love the outdoors, I regularly take time to reconnect

with nature" Write in the present tense as though what you envision is

already here. You might want to split the page into sections for family,

work, romance, fun and recreation etc.

Be sure to use present tense language, the idea is to imagine that it is

already here. Be creative, add paint or drawings if you want to. There

are no rules here, no limits, allow your soul to express your vision for

your life without any expectations. And be careful not to get caught up

in what should be on your vision. This is your vision, how you want to

feel, what you want to create!

This exercise is designed to help you to reconnect to an inner source

of wisdom that can allow you to make the most effective and

empowered decisions and actions in your life. It's a technique

designed to give you access to your future self.

exercise three: Your future self

"The future self is your highest and best self which knows

what is right and true for you in every situation. It has a

way of sorting out and prioritizing the most meaningful

and important issues in your life, and it is not particularly

interested in pleasing others, tolerating or settling. The

future self illuminates a path for you to follow and

embody."

~ Philip Okrend

To do this exercise you'll want to access the Future Self Guided

Visualisation Audio and download the Future Self Guided Visualisation

Workbook which you'll find under both Module 2 and the Resource

Library sections on the website.

“We don’t realize that, somewhere within us all, there

does exist a supreme self who is eternally at peace.”

~ Elizabeth Gilbert

Below you'll find some journalling prompts to further embed the

learning from this lesson.

➳ What is my Vision for my life?

➳ What did I learn about my current life from these exercises?

➳ What changes would I like to make to my current life in order to

realise my vision?

➳ What do I think might get in the way of me realising my vision?

➳ What most excited me about my vision?

➳ What most surprised me about my vision?

➳ Do I have any resistance to my future vision or to doing this work?

➳ If so, what is this resistance trying to tell me?

➳ What did I find hard about creating my vision?

➳ What in my life now is sabotaging the realisation of my vision, if

anything?

Reflection

Lesson 9

IntentionThe aim of this class: To explore what living with intention looks like

and to consider a gentle and soulful approach to creating in our life.

In this lesson, we’ll be covering the following:

➳ We’re going to explore what intentions are and why they matter.

➳ We’ll look at some key principle for intentional living.

➳ And we’ll look at how to use intention as an alternative or a

compliment to traditional goal-setting.

Living with Intention

In order for us to live our values, fulfil our purpose and breathe life into

our vision, there is some action required on our part. If what we desire

is change or growth or even a deepening of what already is, then we

do need to get intentional about how we spend our time on a regular

basis. That’s where intention comes in.

Having been a Project Manager in my former career, planning and

goal-setting have always come easily to me and I still believe that

there is a time and a place for both.

In recent years, however, as I’ve become more aligned with my

authentic self and my purpose and, as a result, found myself doing the

work my soul is called to do, something about setting rigid (otherwise

known as SMART) goals stopped working for me.

Initially this was a shock, I’d always felt motivated and driven by

ambitious goals but as I grew and became more connected to my

authentic self, something about having a long list of big goals and the

inevitable accompanying to do lists started to feel restrictive and self-

defeating. That's when I discovered the power of intention.

“For most compulsive goal setters, their sense of well-

being comes from how well they think they’re doing. And

since they’re constantly raising the bar on what “success”

and “making it” mean, they’re never doing well enough to

feel happy and worthwhile. There’s always more action to

be taken and more targets to be reached, so there’s never a

sense of being content right where they are now.”

~ Michael Neill

In this lesson, we’re going to look at the difference between goals and

intentions and what living with intention can do for you.

Whenever we set out to do or achieve anything in life there are two

things at play. That which we can control (far less than we often think)

and that which we have no control over (far more than we often think).

Goals are usually rooted in what we can control and make no

reference to that which is beyond our control and there is a reason for

this. As humans we’re not too crazy about the unknown, we like to feel

in control and we tend to focus exclusively on what we ourselves can

do to move our lives, our projects or our goals forward. There is

another way.

Take a moment now to think about a big win you’ve had in your life.

Did you set any goals to achieve it? When you consider that

achievement, how much of it was down to your actions and how much

of it happened in ways you could never have expected, predicted or

controlled?

“It is more Important to be of pure intention than of perfect

action.”

~ Ilyas Kassam

➳ Live in the present moment

If you do things or set goals from a place of needing to be somewhere

other than the present moment, then the results of your endeavours

will never fulfil you. If your goals or actions come from a place of

needing something from the future in order to be happy now then

you’ll inevitable suffer from “I’ll be happy when…” syndrome.

Happiness and fulfilment is available to us in every moment, so do

what you do out of the love of doing it, not because you the outcome

of doing it will make you happy.

➳ Be grateful for what it is

One of the best ways to anchor ourselves in the present moment is to

be grateful for what is and one of the best ways to get more of what

we love in life is to be grateful for what is. Trying to create a life out of

desperation to escape the here and now never works, whether you are

using goals or intentions. If your intention (or goal) is to escape present

moment, you’re not going to get the feeling of fulfilment or joy that

you are looking for. Why? Because fulfilment and joy live right here,

within us, right where we are.

➳ Non-attachment to outcomes

One of the main problems I see with traditional planning and goal-

setting is a tendency to get attached to the outcome. When we set

intentions, however, we are coming from a place of openness and

invitation.

The Principles of Intentional Living

Combine that with staying rooted in the present moment and feeling

gratitude for what is and you have the all the ingredients for a miracle

to happen.

➳ Focus on how you want to feel

Traditional goal setting is focused on outcomes, when we get more

intentional about our lives, our focus shifts more towards how we want

to feel, not in the future when our goal is achieved, but now, during the

process of working towards or creating something.

➳ Trust that everything is unfolding perfectly

One of the biggest mistakes I see in my work as a coach is a fixation on

the how. When we identify what it is we want to create, our mind often

goes straight to how can I make this happen? Yet as we’ve identified

already in this lesson a big part of the how is beyond our control. The

right person showing up at the right time, or the right email landing in

our inbox at the right time. These are the very things that we can’t

control and a little faith that these things are in hand, can go a long

way to living a happier and more fulfilling life in the moment. Just take

the parable of the farmer (below). We often don't see the blessing

in those very things that look like hardships, until after the event.

“The most important decision we make is whether we believe we

live in a friendly or hostile universe.”

~ Albert Einstein

Once there was a Chinese farmer who worked his poor farm together

with his son and their horse. When the horse ran off one day, neighbors

came to say, “How unfortunate for you!” The farmer replied, “Maybe

yes, maybe no.”

When the horse returned, followed by a herd of wild horses, the

neighbors gathered around and exclaimed, “What good luck for you!”

The farmer stayed calm and replied, “Maybe yes, maybe no.”

While trying to tame one of the wild horses, the farmer’s son fell, and

broke his leg. He had to rest up and couldn’t help with the farm chores.

“How sad for you,” the neighbors cried. “Maybe yes, maybe no,” said

the farmer.

Shortly thereafter, a neighboring army threatened the farmer’s village.

All the young men in the village were drafted to fight the invaders.

Many died. But the farmer’s son had been left out of the fighting

because of his broken leg. People said to the farmer, “What a good

thing your son couldn’t fight!” “Maybe yes, maybe no,” was all the

farmer said.

The Parable of The Chinese Farmer

“Set Intentions, Crush No Butterflies” is a short video created by a dear

friend of mine who I happened to coach a while back on the whole

idea of setting intentions and being gentle with our goals rather than

trying to crush them (or butterflies!). Watch the video now, which you’ll

find on the website under both Module 2 and the Resource Library.

After you’ve watched it, write down one insight you gained from doing

so.

exercise one: watch video

exercise two: Experiment with intention

Just for today, set one intention, it can be anything from feeling more

gratitude to being open to connecting with a stranger. Check in and

see what you need and then set an intention accordingly. Write that

intention down (better still share it with us in the Facebook Group) and

at the end of the day revisit the intention and journal on what came up

for you? Did anything in support of your intention happen? Did you feel

differently today as a result of your intention? Don’t worry if nothing

happened. The more we work with intentions, the deeper our

connection to the intentions we set becomes. Don’t give up on them

just yet.

exercise three: set intentions

If you are a compulsive goal setter - like I used to be, take a look at

your current list of goals and look to see where you might add in some

intentions.

A recent example from my life includes when I was working to build

this program. I had some very hard deadline I needed to meet and a

very long to do list. For a time the pressure of looming deadlines and a

huge set of goals to work through was getting the desired result. I was

super productive and I was on track for all of my deadlines but with

time my passion for the project began to wane and a low level feeling

of stress became the norm. I started to feel disconnected from myself

and from the passion that this program had been born out of. Slowing

down didn’t feel like a viable option but I knew from personal

experience that if my energy or passion dropped too low, then no

amount of goals or lists would get the job done.

So I started to use intentions. Each morning, I set intentions like:

“Today, my intention is to feel relaxed and peaceful as I do my work” or

“Today, my intention is to be open to wisdom flowing through me as I

write.” The change was dramatic, I instantly felt different, I slowed

down my pace, I took more breaks but I didn’t get any less productive,

instead things came to me more easily, I felt more in flow and I created

from a place of enjoyment and ease rather than from a place of

urgency. The end result was the same but the process was infinitely

more enjoyable.

Consider your life now and any goals or projects you are working on

and set some intentions, write them down and be sure to focus on how

you want to feel.

➳ What are my intentions for today, this week, this year, my life?

➳ How do I want to feel about…?

➳ What do I want to be more open to…?

➳ What would I like to invite more of in my life?

➳ Where in my life could I soften my goals?

➳ Where in my life could I be more intentional?

➳ Where in my life am I over-attached to outcome?

➳ How and where in my life can I be more trusting of outcome?

Reflection

Lesson 10

Creating RitualThe aim of this class: To discover the positive role that ritual can play in

your life.

In this lesson, we’ll be covering the following:

➳ Why creating ritual can be important and useful.

➳ We'll take a look at the inspiring rituals of others

➳ And we'll create a ritual or routine that serves you.

What is ritual?

I’m a huge fan of ritual and routine but I’m also very aware that not

everyone is so if you felt put off when you saw the title of this lesson,

don’t despair! I’ve designed this lesson to work whether you are a fan

of ritual or not.

During this lesson I will use ritual and routine interchangeably, to mean

the same thing. The definition we'll be using is this:

Something or a set of things that you do each day or on a regular

basis to support your overall wellbeing and feeling of connection.

Whether we like it or not, we are all creatures of habit, ritual and

routine. Everyday we go through a series of rituals, most of which are

unconscious to us. Brushing our teeth, getting dressed, taking a

shower. We're not aware of these because we've grown so

accustomed to them that they've become second nature.

Without realising it we may also have developed some rituals or

routines that aren't necessarily serving us, like zoning out in front of the

TV whenever we've had a particularly difficult day or drinking copious

amounts of coffee to feel more energised.

The purpose of this lesson is to get intentional about the rituals and

routines we use in our life and, if it feels supportive to, let go of some

unhelpful habits and create some new rituals.

exercise one: identifying the unconscious

Grab a piece of paper now or turn to a new page in your journal and

divide the page into two columns. On the lefthand side, at the top of

the page, write the title habits/routines/rituals that hinder and on the

righthand side, habits/routines/rituals that help.

Now take a moment to mentally run through your week and identify

both the things you do on a regular basis that help you to feel good

and those habits and routines that you suspect might be working

against you. Write anything that comes to mind.

exercise two: Get inspired

Take 10 minutes to browse through the inspirational morning routines

of other people over at http://mymorningroutine.com/ if you want to

read mine, head to http://mymorningroutine.com/caroline-leon/ and

you can see the routine I was using back in 2015 when I lived in

Mexico.

ReflectionHaving identified the routines you already have in your life, good or

bad and taken a look at the routines of some other people. Take a

moment now to reflect or journal on the following questions.

What am I currently not creating enough time in my life for?

What practices do I know help me to feel good?

What energises me?

What new routines could I incorporate into my life that would support

my well-being?

exercise three: create ritual

Now it's time to create a ritual for yourself. This is where you can get as

creative as you like. There are no rules to this other than this is

something or a set of things that you do on a daily or regular basis. It

doesn't have to be something you do at the same time every day but it

might be.

It doesn't even have to be the same thing everyday, it could be a

space you create to see what comes up in each day. It might be a

question you ask yourself each morning like: What's my intention for

today?

It might be something you read before going to bed, like your values

list and checking in with yourself to see how aligned you were to them

that day?

It might be a practice that reminds you to be more present, such as

some deep breathing or a guided meditation.

It doesn't have to take hours or include various things. In fact the key to

an effective routine is that it serves and supports you without leaving

you feeling more exhausted or overwhelmed.

Instead create a ritual that refreshes and refuels you and supports

your overall wellbeing. Try this new routine out for a few weeks before

deciding whether or not it is fit for purpose.