My Spring Angel

8/14/2019 My Spring Angel

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MY SPRING ANGEL

*Note: ‘Umma’ is Mother/mum in Korean. ‘Dongsaeng’ is little sister in Korean. ‘Oppa’ is big brother in Korean.

I will never forget spring in all my life. Not only because it comes every year. Nor because it is my favoriteseason. It’s not only because of those reasons. It’s because it was spring that reminds me most of him. Andit’s the season when he and I first met and the season with my most unforgettable memories of him dwells…

It all started six years ago, when I was still 16 years old, when he first came into my life and already touchedmy heart...

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Spring 1999: Seeds of Infatuation“Hyun Jin! Hurry” Junghwa exclaimed from the doorway. Our house was a small bungalow that was built onwood so Junghwa’s voice was heard in the entire house.

“Just a minute” I told her as I looked at myself in the mirror. Not bad, I thought to myself. I wore a black jacket underneath a white cotton shirt and jeans. It matched my brown eyes and brown hair. “Hyun Jin!”

“Coming!” I shouted back, running towards Junghwa.

“About time. You said I had to come over at exactly 2 pm. And when I did, you let me wait for half an hour!”

“I’m sorry, okay? I really forgot” I apologized.

“Fine. Let’s go then” We walked out the door and got ready to ride our bikes.

“Hyun Jin?” my mother called.

“Ooops! I forgot to ask permission!” Junghwa slapped her forehead as I entered the house.

“Umma, Junghwa and I are going for a bike ride, okay?” I said when I got to the kitchen where my motherwas busy chopping vegetables.

“Don’t stay out too late” she reminded.

“I won’t” I promised.

“Okay then” she approved.

“Bye” I kissed her on the cheek and went out of the house.

As we rode our bikes, the wind brushed against me, making me feel breezy. I closed my eyes and lifted myhands and spread it out, letting the wind pass through me.

“Hyun Jin, watch out!” Junghwa suddenly warned. I opened my eyes, only to find a boy, about my age,walking towards me with his head down.

“Move!” I shouted in panic when we were only inches before colliding to each other. He didn’t seem torealize I was talking to him so he didn’t even look up. I pressed the brakes hard but it was too late. I wasgoing to crash into him. I closed my eyes.

But surprisingly, the bike stopped. I slowly opened my eyes and saw a pair of brown eyes in front of me. “DidI hit you? Are you alright?” I asked in concern.

“Almost”

“Oh” I replied, noticing his hand on my bike. He must really be strong to have stopped my bike in motion.



“Next time, try to watch where you’re going, okay?” he said, flashing a smile. My jaw dropped open.Although it was my fault, he shouldn’t lecture me like that because it was also his fault for not being attentive.

“Next time, try to be more conscientious” I shot back. He laughed at that and that made me look at himstrangely. What’s wrong with him? Then, he stopped laughing and looked at me in the eye.

“I’m serious. Watch where you’re going, alright? You might harm yourself” And with that, he walked away.

“What a peculiar guy” Junghwa whispered, rolling her eyes.

“You’ve said it”, I muttered. “Anyway, screw him. Let’s go”, I told her.

“Hyun Jin, race you to the park”, Junghwa challenged.

“Fine with me. Last one will have to go through truth or consequence”, I accepted. “1, 2, 3, go!” I dashed asfast as I could with my bike, looking back at Junghwa who was trying hard to catch up with me. I snickered.She always ends up losing when we have races.

“What’s it going to be, Junghwa? Truth or consequence?” I shouted through the wind that brushing throughmy hair.

“You’ll see, I’ll definitely win this time” she informed.

“We’ll see” I put more energy in pedaling my bike to make me even faster. The speed made me feel like Iwas flying. But the feeling ended when my bike unexpectedly hit a small rock that was the size of a fist. Mybody was thrown out of my bike.

“Ah!” I shrieked as I was about to hit the ground, face first. I knew I should’ve worn my gears but I didn’t thinkit was going to happen.

But once again, before I could hurt myself, I found myself staring at the same brown eyes earlier. “Didn’t I just tell you to watch where you’re going?” he asked. He wasn’t really mad. He was… laughing? He seemedlike he was. But I can see concern in his eyes. I wondered why.

“I didn’t see that small rock” I replied as I brushed his hand off my waist. He caught me and that was fine. Heshouldn’t touch me any longer.

“You’re a klutz” I felt myself blush deep red. I’ve never been called that before. And the first time didn’tsound good either. I wasn’t really this careless all the time. In fact, that was the first time that I found myselfacting like a ditz.

“I am not a klutz. I’m just not myself today. And even if I am, you have no right to call me one because youyourself are a klutz” I said stubbornly.

“Oh, so I’m the hero but because of your pride, I become a klutz too?” I felt myself blush even harder.

“What are you doing here anyway? You don’t live here, do you? I’ve never seen you before” I said, hopinghe wouldn’t notice the change of topic.

“No I’m not. I’m just here to keep you from getting hurt” he said with a wink.

“I don’t need you” I responded, assuming it was a joke.

“Right” he said with skepticism.

“Well, just don’t forget to watch where you’re going. I might be here right now but I might not be here nexttime” he said, once again disappearing into the crowds of people enjoying the day.

I looked around for any signs of Junghwa but she was nowhere in sight. Where could she be? Oh my gosh!The race! I completely forgot about it! I began to pedal my bike as fast as I could. I just hoped Junghwa wasreally slow that day. But of course that was impossible because she was already waiting for me at our usual



place in the park when I got there. “What’d I tell you, girl? I won”, she said, trying to sound casual but I couldsense her excitement building up inside.

“It’s not fair. I was distracted” I complained.

“Oh yeah?” she asked, arching an eyebrow up to say that she won fair and square and that I shouldn’t beunsportsmanlike.

“Yeah. You know that weird guy? Well, I ran into him again. And he became much more unusual than before.You should’ve seen it”

“Give it up, Hyun Jin. I won. So what’ll it be, truth or consequence?”

“Fine. I’ll take truth” I said with a sulk.

“Okay. Tell me why you broke up with~” I cut her off.

“Don’t! Anything but that!”, I argued.

“But it’s only fair, Hyun Jin. Unless you want to do a consequence?” Junghwa asked.

“Fine. Give me a consequence”

“I want you to hug one guy here in the park. Just any of the guys here” Junghwa said with a smirk.

“What?!? That would make me look like a total fool!” I protested.

“Oh yeah? What about the time when you asked me to roll over the ground? Or the time when you askedme to shout like a crazy old woman? Or the time~”

“Alright, alright. Sheesh. It’s your first time to win anyway. I’ll give you some credit then” I finally agreed. Ilooked around and realized, there was no decent guy who I could actually hug. “How about if you just pick aguy”, I told her.

“Okay then. I pick…” she looked around with a hand on her chin. “Him!” she finally decided, pointing to theguy with his back on us.

“Alright” I replied, walking towards him confidently. When we were only inches apart, I spread my arms into ahug and touched his body. The guy whom I hugged seemed surprised. He moved his elbow and accidentally,at least I think so, hit my chin.

“Ow!” I yelled in pain. I let go of him and rubbed my chin. “What was that for?” I exclaimed. He turned to faceme.

“Oh, it’s you. I thought I was being attacked by a crazy person” he said, laughing.

“It’s not funny. Do you know how strong your hit was? It hurts” I complained.

“What were you doing anyway?” he asked. I blushed again.

“I was going to hug you…” I admitted. “You were?”, he said, laughing at the thought of it. “Yes. It was astupid consequence for losing the bike race because of you” I let him know so he would feel a bit guilty andhe wouldn’t think of me strangely.

“Is it my fault you hit small stone and flew out of your bike?” he asked, throwing his head back as he laughed.

“Whatever” I mumbled, walking away.

As I walked back to Junghwa, who was sitting where the shade of an old oak tree was, I saw her giving me athumbs-up sign. She must’ve really enjoyed the show I’ve put up. “You did it. I’m really impressed” she said,when I got there and sat down beside her.



“Of course. What do you think of me, a chicken?” I teased.

“Yeah” she teased back.

“Very funny” I said mockingly. We smiled at each other, knowing that it was all a joke.

Subsequently, we sat there in silence, looking around at the wonderful view the park was.

“Hyun Jin?” Junghwa finally broke the silence.

“Um?” I asked as I watched the little children playing near the lake. They looked like they were reallyenjoying.

“Why did you break up with him?” I sighed as I heard her question. I didn’t want to talk about him. However,before I could say that, Junghwa continued talking. “I mean, I thought you two were so compatible with eachother. You even said you were happy with him”

“Junghwa, I have something to tell you” I finally said.

“What?”

“He and I weren’t really dating” I confessed. “When I met him, I told myself, I found the perfect guy. Who

wouldn’t think he was perfect? He’s got brains, personality and looks. What more could I ask for? And helikes me. He kept saying that he loves me. At first it sounded so sweet. But as days pass by, it slowlybecomes a bit annoying. He and I aren’t even together. He didn’t even court me. And all of the sudden, hetells me we were a couple already? It felt wrong to me”

“That’s what happened to you before. Hyun Jin, why do you always dump the people who tell you they loveyou?” Junghwa asked. That question caught me off guard. But she was right. I did dump every guy who toldme those words. “You’re afraid, aren’t you?”

Maybe I was. All I know was that I wasn’t ready for commitment.

“It’s getting late. Let’s go home” I said, standing up. Junghwa knew better that I wasn’t in the mood to talkmore so she stood up too.

“Hyun Jin? Are you feeling okay? You haven’t touched your dinner” my mother said.

“Huh?” I said, snapping out of my thoughts. I can’t stop thinking about what Junghwa said earlier. It wasdinner time and I didn’t have any appetite.

“Is something bothering you?” I shook my head and smiled.

“Nothing” I started eating but after a few, I dropped my fork. “I don’t feel hungry. May I be excused?” I asked.My mother nodded.

“I’m just going for a walk” I told her the walked out of the house.

“You’re afraid, aren’t you?” Junghwa’s voice boomed in my mind. I wasn’t afraid of love, am I? It was justbecause they weren’t meant for me, which was why it didn’t feel right. As I walked past our garage, my eyescaught sight of my bike.

“I’m here to keep you from getting hurt” I remembered the guy a while ago say. And I found myself laughingat the thought of it. The guy was really odd. So odd that I found myself thinking of him. I wondered what hewas really up to. I headed to the park. And there, I saw a shadow near the lake. I walked towards him. And just as I began to recognize him to be the guy earlier, my foot accidentally stepped on a twig and it made aloud snap. The guy turned, just in time to see me.

“So now you’re stalking me for calling you a klutz?” he joked.

“I didn’t mean to. I was just walking when I saw a figure here”



“I was kidding” he replied.

“I knew that”

He gestured me to sit beside him so I did. It was a bit dark because the lamps were far from the lake. Butthe stars in the sky made a dazzling reflection on the water. I have never seen anything more amazing.

“Have you ever seen the sun set?” he asked.

“No”

“You should see it. It’s better than the lake” he stated. Then silence followed.

“What’s your name?” I asked him, hoping to start a conversation.

“What’s yours?”

“Hyun Jin” I answered.

“It fits you. It’s a nice name for someone like you” he complimented, facing me with a kind smile.

“Thanks” I returned.

“It’s nice here. You probably lived here all your life, I suppose?”

“Yes I did. Are you new here? Where are you from? How long are you going to stay here?” I queried.

“Are you always a klutz?” he suddenly asked, overlooking my questions.

“No, I’m not. Anyway, it’s only fair that you answer my questions” I protested. He chuckled.

“It doesn’t matter where I came from. What matters is what I’m here for”

“And what are you here for?”

“I have a mission” he remarked plainly.

“What mission?” I asked out of curiosity.

“You’ll see” he said with a smirk. Then he stood up. “Go home, Hyun Jin. It’s already late” he uttered,starting to walk away.

“But you haven’t answered me” I spoke as I stood up. However, he was too far to be able to hear it.

For the next days of spring, the odd, peculiar guy was present. And my klutziness continued on so he wasable to save me a lot of times. He managed to pull me out of the way of a moving bike, let me duck beforegetting hit by a Frisbee, catch me from falling off a ladder when I was retrieving a kid’s Frisbee that got stuckon a tree and a lot more accidents. Somehow, he was always there when there was trouble. And we talkeda lot during my night walks. It became regular since the first night I met him in the park. And I felt as if healready knew me better than anyone else. But those times ended as summer arrived. I suppose he was onlyhere for spring because he was gone as the feeling of summer was already present in the air. And once hewas gone, that’s when I realized. I still didn’t know anything about him. Not even his name. I did miss him alittle since we spent a lot of time during spring but I figured he was just a tourist so I didn’t bother waiting forhim to be back. What a surprise I had the following spring, though.

End of chapter 1 ----

Spring 2000: Growing Affection“Umma, I’m leaving!” I informed. “Don’t stay out too late” I muttered under my breath, expecting the wordsfrom my mother.“Don’t stay out too late” my mother did say. That cracked me up as I walked out the door heading for



Junghwa’s house.

Outside, you could really feel the spring season in the air. Flowers blooming all around and the sweetfragrance hanged in the air. I smiled to myself. Spring is really here, I thought to myself. It lifted my spirit. AsI continued walking, I felt something hit my foot. It caused me to trip and fall down to the ground. But before Icould, someone caught me. And the first person that went into my mind was him. And when I looked up tosee his face, I confirmed that it was him.

“Hello, Hyun Jin”, he said with a smile. And a surge of happiness rushed through me. Was I actually happyto see him?

“Was it necessary for you to actually move your feet out so that I would trip over it?”, I demanded. He helpedme up and gestured me to sit.

“I didn’t do it intentionally. At least I found out you’re still the same klutz that you were before” he retorted.

“I’m not a klutz”

“Right. You’re just a ditz” he joked.

“You never told me your name”

“Have you been through a lot of trouble lately?” he asked.

“No, I have not. I’ was actually doing fine until your foot came and almost tripped me over”

“That’s a good thing” he said.

“What’s your name?” I asked again.

“You know why I ask?” he said, laughing to himself.

“Why?” I asked, a bit irritated that he wouldn’t answer any of my questions.

“Because I like you” he said, smiling plainly.

“Right” I said in disbelief.

“Is it hard to believe?”

I didn’t answer.

The feeling of uneasiness swept over me. It always happens. Maybe Junghwa is right… Oh my gosh! Iforgot about Junghwa! I looked at my watch and gasped. I promised her I’d be at her place twenty minutesago!

“I have to go” I told him, standing up. “I was kidding” he said, assuming I was upset.

“Oh” I said, laughing at my foolishness. “But I really have to go”

“Hello? Junghwa?” I spoke to through the mouthpiece. When I got to Junghwa’s place she wasn’t there. Iwonder why. So I got into a pay phone and called her cell phone.

“About time for you to call. I already told you this was important. And you didn’t even come” Junghwaanswered furiously.

“I did come. I was just late”

“Why were you late? You knew I had a competition today” she said angrily.

“I’m sorry, Junghwa. Something came up. Remember that weird guy last spring? He’s back” I explained.



“So he’s more important to you than I am?” she almost shouted.

“I’m sorry, Junghwa” I apologized again.

“I don’t want to talk to you right now. I need to go. Goodbye” she said, cutting the line. I sighed. Now she’smad at me. I shouldn’t have stayed and talked with the guy. I didn’t even know his name. I’m so stupid. I feelso mean.

“Are you alright? You look like a pitiful little girl”

I sighed. I knew very well who it was that spoke.

“My friend’s mad at me because of you” I responded.

“Why?” he asked.

“I missed her stupid competition. I know what you think. It’s just a competition. I think so too. Why does sheneed me there anyway? I’m sure she could’ve beaten everyone, with or without me” I mumbled, trying tomake myself feel better.

“How can you say that?” he questioned.

“Because I’m her best friend. I know what she can do. And I know that she’s better than them because I sawwhat she can do”

“That’s it. You saw her do her stuff that’s why she was giving it her best. Who wouldn’t give their best if theirbest friends are watching them?” he pointed out.

“Great. Now you’re making me feel worse” I told him.

“I was actually trying to make you feel better” he chuckled.

“Really? That’s a funny way of making me feel better. I was just trying to tell myself it’s not a big deal”

“But it is” he told me.

“You’re right. I’m absolutely the worst friend in the whole galaxy” I sighed as I threw my head back and

looked at the sky.

“Would you answer one question for me?” I asked him after a moment of silence.

“What?”

“What’s your mission that you have to come here every spring?”

“My mission is to cheer you up when you’re down. And to look after you so you won’t get hurt” he replied. Iturned to him to see if he was just kidding or if he was really serious. But I couldn’t see his face because hewas looking up at the sky too.

“Oh yeah? Why me? And why spring?” I went on.

“Have you heard the story of the ‘Spring Angels’?” he asked, looking at me. I shook my head.

“Tell me”

“It said that every spring, everyone gets to have an angel by their side. But they can only get one if theythemselves become an angel to another person”

“So you’re trying to be my angel so that you can get an angel for yourself?” I asked, keeping myself fromlaughing.

“Yeah” he said, laughing along with me.



“That’s a weird story. Does that mean you believe in angels?” I inquired.

“Something like that” he said with a nod. I continued laughing until I was out of breath. After that, we just satsilently. An angel? He wants to be my angel? That’s the first time I heard something like that.

“I better go home” I finally said, moving my legs.

That night, I thought about what he said. An angel? It still cracks me up. What was he trying to say? Did hewant me to be his girlfriend or a friend? I really didn’t get him. And as I thought of it, the sense of it beingwrong rushed over me. Like what happened before with the other guys I dumped. Him being my angel? Itdidn’t feel right at all. It’s wrong. That was when I decided. I was going to avoid him. He must’ve thought thathe was my angel because I’ve been spending too much time with him. So for the next few days, I avoidedhim. At least I tried to. But I couldn’t seem to get rid of my klutziness. I was beginning to wonder why myklutziness only comes back during spring. Is it because I knew he was here? And because of that, he wasable to once again, come into my rescue.

“I don’t need your help!” I would tell him. But still, he kept helping me. I was starting to get annoyed. “Wouldyou stop it? I already told you! I don’t need your help!” I finally burst out.

“Cool down, Hyun Jin. I’m helping you. Remember? I’m here to keep you from getting hurt”, he replied.

“Stop calling my name. I don’t even know your name. How do you expect me to accept help from astranger?!?” I grumbled.

“So that’s what’s bothering you. That you don’t know my name”

“No. It’s not only that. It’s also the fact that you’re helping me all the time. It’s annoying. At first it’s sweet butnow it’s getting to be really annoying”

“But you keep getting into trouble. What do you want me to do but help you?” he answered coolly. Itannoyed me even more that he was still acting cool even though I felt like I was going to explode.

“Just leave me alone” I told him, leaving. He didn’t try to catch me or even respond to what I just said. Andsomehow, a tiny part of me had gotten upset and disappointed.

When I got home, Junghwa was sitting on the front steps.

“Junghwa!” I exclaimed surprised to see her after what happened a week ago.

“I’ve seen you these days. I see you’ve met another guy” she started.

“He’s nobody” I went ahead and told her before she thinks that he was my boyfriend or something.

“Really? Is that why you’re pushing him away again?” Junghwa responded.

“I didn’t” I lied.

“Oh yeah? What’s with the ‘I don’t need your help’ line you tell him?”

“That guy is really crazy. He said he wants to be my angel. What does that even mean? I don’t even know” Iadmitted to her.

“That’s why you’re upset? You’re upset because he asked you if he can be your angel instead of being yourboyfriend?” Junghwa remarked.

“So you aren’t mad at me anymore?” I asked her back.

“I’m still mad at you because of what you’re doing with your life” she retorted.

“I can’t believe you chose that guy over me during the competition and then you’d dump him too” Junghwacontinued. I thought about that. She was right. I do like the guy. That explained the happiness that swept



over me when I met him again. And also the comfort I feel when he was with me. And maybe I was upsetthat he didn’t ask me to be his girlfriend. I looked down. Junghwa took that as a yes. She continuedspeaking. “I thought you wanted something different? I thought you said that you felt it wrong when mybrother told you that he loved you. So why are you once again pulling away?”

“I don’t know… Junghwa, I feel so confused. I don’t know why” I confessed. “I don’t even know what to do”Her face softened.

“You shouldn’t let go of him now, you know” she advised. “Because you might lose him soon”

I wish I knew then what it meant to lose him. At least if I did, I shouldn’t have done the stupid things I did.Because after that day, I still didn’t make my move. I didn’t go on my usual night walks that I used to do onordinary spring nights. And I didn’t go out of the house much. I was afraid. I couldn’t face him. And eventhough I felt a yearning inside my heart, I didn’t try to talk to him. There were times I would see him. It waslike he knew what I was doing so he didn’t come to talk to me. A part of me became utterly frustrated butanother part of me was glad. A part of me wanted to just go ahead and talk to him again.

The day before summer came that year, I decided to take a walk. The sweet fragrance of flowersblossoming from the trees still floated in the air. The spring feeling can still be sensed. I walked on tonowhere in particular. I didn’t realize that I was unconsciously looking for him. My mind was dreaming off inanother world so I wasn’t aware of what was happening around me. I didn’t see a little boy running towardsme. He and I collided and because of the impact, we both stumbled on the floor.

“I’m sorry” I apologized to the boy who immediately got up and ran, crying.

My memory with the guy unexpectedly burdened me. I closed my eyes as I felt tears building up in my eyes.I miss him, it’s obvious to see. I didn’t stand immediately. I was expecting him. I was wishing and expectinghis hand to appear in front of me and help me up. After a moment, I opened my eyes. A hand was holdingout to me. I felt a surge of happiness flow through me. My wish came true. I grabbed his hand and stood up.But when I looked up, my heart sank upon seeing Rae Won, Junghwa’s brother in front of me.

“I saw that. You should watch where you’re going” he told me. I nodded.

“Thanks for helping me” I said, not even bothering to hide my disappointment. I looked around. And I sawhim, the guy, standing behind a bush. And I then realized that he still cared for me. But I didn’t approach him.Instead, I followed Rae Won towards their house, fighting the hunger in my heart.


Spring 2001: Blossoming LoveA lot had happened over the year. Junghwa’s brother started courting me. He realized his mistakes so hewas trying to win my heart again. But no matter how hard he tries, I just can’t seem to forget the guy who Idon’t know his name. All of a sudden, I can’t forget the times we spent together. And I can’t hide the fact thatI really miss him. I miss him so much. But I knew that when spring comes, he’ll be back. And I wasn’tsurprised when I saw him.

“It’s a nice movie, isn’t it?” Rae Won asked.

“It wasn’t bad” I replied, looking around and that’s when I spotted him going out of the theater.

“Let’s go to the park” Rae Won spoke.

I nodded absently, my eyes still focusing on the guy’s face. He turned so I moved my eyes. I didn’t want himto see me look at him. Rae Won led me to the park. We took a seat on a bench in silence. Finally, he brokethe silence.

“Hyun Jin, will you be my girlfriend?” he asked out of the blue.

“I already told you before, Rae Won. I’m~” he cut me off.

“You’re what? Before, you said you didn’t want to because I didn’t court you. Now that I finally did, whatmore do you want?” he asked, suddenly fuming. I was aghast.



“I didn’t tell you to court me. I told you before that we aren’t meant for each other. I don’t like you, okay?” Iresponded, feeling as angry as he was.

“Why not? Is it because of someone else?” he asked, calming down a little.

“Yes”

And with that, he stood up. “Then I guess I just wasted time with you” he said, leaving me all alone.

“That’s your boyfriend?” the voice I’ve been longing to hear spoke.

“No. He’s Junghwa’s brother” I answered, looking up to see his face.

“You shouldn’t treat him like that. He is a person too. He has feelings” he lectured.

“I knew that. I just couldn’t help it any longer” I mumbled.

“Anyway, you’re back for your mission again?” I asked.

“I guess. It’s spring, right?” he said, sitting down beside me. Silence followed. I want to say a lot of things.But I didn’t know how to say them.

“I’m sorry” I finally informed him. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings before. I was confused. I didn’t knowwhat I was doing”

“It’s alright. Are you doing okay or are still being a klutz?” he teased. Just like old times.

“You tell me. I’m always a klutz when I’m around you. I’m starting to think you’re causing my klutziness” Iteased back.

“Yeah? At least I’m here to save you” he told me with a wink. “Oh, I have something for you”, he said,handing me a book. I read the title. ‘Spring Angels’. I smiled at him. So it is true.

“Be my angel?” I asked him.

“Definitely”.

“I’m so proud of you” Junghwa exclaimed. We were talking on the phone and I was telling her about whathappened earlier today.

“You mean you aren’t mad at me for what happened to your brother?” I asked nervously.

“Of course not. Why would I be? Sure, you did dump him but at least you made a move on the guy that youliked. Speaking of him. What’s the guy’s name?” Junghwa asked. I laughed to myself.

“Would you believe if I told you I didn’t know?”

“What?!? You don’t know his name? How did that happen? How long has it been since you two met, twoyears?” she asked in disbelief.

“He wouldn’t tell me. I tried to ask him every time I can but he always dodges another question to me so Iend up answering him”

“That means he’s smarter than you”

“He is not. It’s just that~” she cut me off.

“I get it. It’s because you’re eager to talk to him!” she teased.

“That’s not true. I’m just kind enough to answer a question someone asks me”



“Right”, she replied sarcastically.

“Anyway, I have to go. I have to go on my night walk”, I told her. We said our goodbyes then hanged up.

“Umma, I’m going for a night walk” I informed her before going out of the door. She once again reminded meabout not staying out late then she finally let me go. I walked to the park and there he was, sitting at thesame place he has always been for the past two years.

“Why do want an angel for yourself?” I couldn’t help asking as we sat together. My words hung in the air. Hedidn’t seem to hear it. I looked at him and saw seriousness in his face. I smiled. He looked a lot more maturethan his usual cheery self. But I could sense something in his face. Somehow, I could feel loneliness. So forthe rest of the night, I just sat there beside him in silence, wishing the loneliness inside him will disappear.

The next day, I’ve decided that wanted to cheer him up. I wanted to take away his loneliness.

“Hey” I greeted him. I walked towards him as soon as I spotted him.

“Hey Hyun Jin” he replied with a smile. But I can still see the loneliness in his eyes.

“Let’s do something today. How about a boat ride?”, I suggested.

“A boat ride? No thanks”

“Why not? It’ll be fun” I whined.

“You go ahead. I don’t want to” he resolved.

“Please?” I tried. He shook his head. I grimaced.

Abruptly, an idea popped into my mind. “You know, you’re right. I’m just going to go by myself. If I fall intothe lake, it’ll be because of you. You didn’t watch over me. I don’t think your guardian angel will come then” Istated. He thought for a while.

“You really want me to go, huh?” he responded, standing up from the bench he was sitting in.

“I didn’t say that” I said, hiding a smile.

“Let’s go then. Before I change my mind” he supposed, pulling me.

“You seem more excited than I am” I teased.

“I just want to get it over with” he remarked with a wink.

“I can’t believe how stunning the lake could be until now” I thought out loud.

“Yes it is” he returned.

“So, are you ready to tell me your name?” I asked him.

“Why do you ask?”

“I just think that it’s not fair that you know my name and I don’t know yours”

“It doesn’t matter”

“Yes it does” I argued.

“Why can’t you tell me your name? Are you hiding something?”

He didn’t answer.

“You can trust me, you know. I want you to trust me” I confessed.



“I do trust you” he retorted.

“No you don’t. I don’t even know a thing about you. I want to know about you” I revealed.

He didn’t speak.

“Let’s go back” he finally said after an uncomfortable quietness. I didn’t complain. I was pissed off.

When we were back on land, he pulled my hand and led me to an ice cream cart.

“Don’t be mad. I’m going to treat you some ice cream” he comforted.

“I’m not a little girl anymore” I muttered.

He bought two ice creams and gave one to me. I took it with a frown on my face. Then we sat down.

“Are you going to be like that for the rest of the day?” he asked.

“Yes” I replied, looking away from him.

“Oh well. Then I guess I’ll be going. I’ve noticed that you don’t get yourself into trouble when you’re mad” I

don’t know he was teasing or so I turned to look. He was actually joking so when I looked at his face, Icaught his contagious smile and ended up smiling myself. And for the rest of the day, we just had fun.However, even though I wasn’t mad at him, I felt a depressing pain in my heart because I knew that he didn’ttrust me at all. And I really wished I knew why. But I knew that he had a reason so I tried to understand.

That night, I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about him. I could already sense that something was wrong. But Iwasn’t sure what. I got up from my bed and walked out the front door, being careful not to wake my mother. Iwalked to the park and was surprised to see him still there.

“It’s late” I started.

“I know. Why are you still awake, Hyun Jin?” he asked me. Even though it was dim, I could see a few tearsin his eyes.

“Were you crying?”

“Me? Cry? Are you kidding me?” he asked lightheartedly.

“I’m serious. Are you sure you weren’t crying?” I asked in concern.

“Of course. Why would I cry?”

“I don’t know” I replied.

“You should sleep” he told me when I sat down beside him.

“I couldn’t sleep”

“Why not?” he asked, his voice filled with worry. I hesitated. I didn’t think I should tell him that I’m worriedabout him. But then again, if he knew, then he would tell me what was wrong.

“I’m worried… about you…” I finally declared.

“Don’t be. I’m just fine. Look after yourself instead. You should go to sleep”

“But~” he placed his finger on my lips.

“I’m alright as long as you are”, he whispered. Then our lips touched. A soothing sensation rushed throughme and all of the sudden, all my worries were gone. I never knew a kiss could be so powerful that it broughtme far from my depths.



The days passed by so quickly. Every day, we would do something fun and before I knew it, spring wasalmost over. And as each day passes by, my love for him grew more and more. Until my days weren’tcomplete unless I saw him. And I depended on him more and more. I felt secured only when he’s around. Ifelt that as long as he’s around, I don’t have to be afraid of anything because he was going to be there forme, no matter what. I didn’t realize then that it was a very wrong thing to do.

“The weather reports say tomorrow will be the start of summer” I brought up with him as we wererollerblading.

“Really?” he said simply.

“Yeah. Are you going to leave?” I asked, my forehead furrowing.

He didn’t answer.

But I knew that he was really. “Can’t you stay longer?”, I asked him. Just the thought of him leaving feltfrustrating. What more if he wasn’t there at all?

He still didn’t reply.

“What are your plans for summer?” he diverted.

“Nothing much” I said with a shrug.

“Take care of yourself, okay?” he prompted.

“Why? Can’t you stay?” I asked again. But he ignored it.

“Is today time for goodbye?” I asked, tears filling my eyes.

“No it’s not. So don’t cry” he replied with a soft voice, wiping my tears. It brought me comfort hearing him saythat. At least I knew that I was going to see him again.

He departed the next day. And summer arrived. My heart sank, knowing that he won’t be coming back untilnext spring. I thought I would never get through that rest of that year without him. I felt somewhat miserableand lonely. In everything I do, I remember him and all the things we did. And he was never out of my mind.

Though somehow, I did. But the longing in my heart grew stronger and stronger every moment. Waiting forspring to come each day, I knew that when it finally comes, I’ll be all right again. I’ll feel the assurance I feltevery time he was around. And I was right. That was what I thought when it came the following year. It wasprobably the longest Spring I’ve ever experienced.


Spring 2002: Withered Dreams“Ah”, I said with a sigh. “Don’t you just love spring?”

“Ask yourself. I haven’t seen you this happy since last spring” Junghwa remarked.

“I can’t help it. I feel eager” I told her.

“You should be. You’ve been waiting since last summer, right?” she said with a laugh.

“Yes and I’m glad it’s here! Spring is here!” I said aloud.

“You sound like a lunatic” a recognizable voice commented. I turned and saw his face. My lips formed into asmile.

“You’re back!”

“Of course. It’s spring, remember?” he answered. I ran to him and hugged him.



“I know this isn’t where I belong so I’m going to go now” Junghwa said.

“Don’t go. You’re not a third wheel” I told her.

“No thanks. Besides, I have a lot of things to do so I’ll go on ahead. Nice to see you, unknown guy andgoodbye, Hyun Jin” she said, parting us.

“You look thinner… and you look pale” I said, observing him.

“You don’t look that good yourself. What happened?” he asked. “I thought I told you to take care of yourself”

“Nothing. I was just on a diet” I lied.

“Really? You didn’t seem fat to me” I just shrugged.

“Are you lying to me?” he suspected. I looked down, knowing he caught me.

“Why? You can trust me, you know”

“But you can’t trust me…” I said in a small with a sigh. He probably heard me but he didn’t speak to it. He just wrapped his arms around my shoulders and comforted me.

“I missed you, don’t you know?” I uttered.

“Was that why you lost so much weight?” he asked with a frown. I nodded. He shook his head.

“You shouldn’t have missed me then. It only hurts you” he remarked.

“I don’t care. I promise I’ll be alright. As long as you are here” I told him, looking into his eyes. And I saw ahint of sadness. Then, I didn’t know what that meant. I thought it was just the loneliness I could sense in him.I didn’t realize that the loneliness I found then was already gone and was replaced with another problem.

When I walked out the door to my house the next day, a hand covered my eyes.

“Hey!” I shouted.

“Shh” he said.

“What’re you doing?” I demanded.

“I’m taking you somewhere” he replied.

“Where?”

“It’s a surprise”

And then he led me to a place. When we got there, he removed his hand. I rubbed my eyes before I openedthem. And when I did, I gasped in admiration. The place where he took me had the most incredible scenery.I couldn’t believe it. And on the grassy field was a blanket full of food.

“A picnic” I said breathlessly. It was the most romantic thing a boy could do for me. Filled with delight, Ihugged him tight. “Thank you” I whispered to him.

I looked at my watch and saw that it was almost night time. Even though I hated to end the moment, I knewmy mother wouldn’t be too happy if I didn’t go home when night falls so I decided to ask him if we couldleave.

“Wait a moment. I still haven’t shown you the real surprise” he said.

“But my umma isn’t going to be happy about this”

“Don’t worry too much”



“What is your surprise anyway?” I asked impatiently.

“Just wait a few minutes” he said. And so I did. But nothing came and the sun was already setting.

“That’s it. I’m going” I said, standing up.

“Wait, that’s it” he said, pointing to the sun setting.

“What?” I asked.

“I wanted you to see the sun set” he finally explained. And for the first time in my life, I saw the sun setting.

“Wow… it’s so beautiful” I said, truly astounded.

“Remember a few years ago? You told me you never saw the sun set” he explained.

“Is that why you took me there?” I asked as we walked back to my house.

“Yes. I figured you’d want to see something like that since you were so amazed with the lake”

“Thank you” I said, meaning it. After that, I entered the house. That night I wasn’t allowed to go on my night

walk. My mother scolded me for going home late but it was worth it. It was something I’ll never forget for therest of my life.

Once again, the secure feeling came back to me as we spent the days together. I felt like I can do anythingagain. And I told him about how I felt.

“You make me feel strong” I said.

“I do?” he answered.

“Yes” I told him. We were sitting on a swing. We decided to go back to being kids today so we walked to theplayground in the park. He didn’t say anything but he smiled. I smiled back. And I noticed that he wanted tosay something but couldn’t.

“Do you have something to say?” I asked in concern. He was about to shake his head but then he started

speaking.

“I heard about what happened while I was gone” he said, turning serious. “You got into depression?” heasked for confirmation.

“Yes” I divulged. “I guess Junghwa told you”

“Yes she did. But not intentionally. She said that she’s glad I’m back because she didn’t think you wouldhave survived if I were any longer”

“That’s not true..” I defended.

“You shouldn’t depend on me too much, Hyun Jin” he let out a sigh. I felt my eyes starting to get teary.

“Is it my fault that I can’t live without you now?”

“You’re right. It is my fault. But you should be strong, Hyun Jin. You should learn to be independent” he said.“Because I might not always be there for you…”

I didn’t get what he said that day. I really didn’t know why he said that he might not be there for me when hewas always on my side. But I did try to be stronger than I was. Because he told me so. And I wanted to dowhat he told me to. I guess that was how strong love is. It can change you from strong to weak and weak tostrong. But my strength was still only there when he was around.

“What would you do if I don’t ever come back?” he asked me one day. I thought for a moment.



“I’d probably kill myself” I joked.

“Don’t!” he suddenly yelled.

“I was only joking” I let him know.

“Oh” he replied.

“Why do you ask this?” I questioned.

“I’m just wondering. Anyway, you still haven’t answered. What would you do?” he asked again.

“Well, seriously, I think… I’ll go into depression again… I’ll feel so lost… and hopeless… and helpless…” Ireplied. “Why? Are you not coming back?” I asked, feeling a little frightened at the thought of it.

“I’m just wondering” he said again.

After that day, he started to change. He seemed uncomfortable whenever he was with me. “Are you alright?”I asked him from time to time. “Yeah” he would say. But I knew something was definitely wrong. And Iwanted to find out badly.

“What’s really wrong?” I burst out.

“Nothing” he answered, looking down at his feet.

“Then why can’t you look me in the eye and say so?” I asked, tears brimming in my eyes. He looked up tome and smiled.

“I’m alright. I’m doing fine so stop worrying” But he did the wrong move because I saw in his eyes that hewasn’t okay. That he was lying.

“You don’t like me, don’t you?” I asked. “Is that why you’re being uncomfortable with me lately?”

“No” he replied.

“Then what is it? Why is it that every time you have a problem, you never tell me?!? I want to know. And I

want to know right now!” I cried.

“I already told you. I don’t have a problem. I’m just fine. You’re always assuming I have problems when Idon’t. What do you want me to tell you when there’s nothing to tell?” he said calmly.

“Then why are you acting so strange all of the sudden? Why do I feel you being distant?”

“I’m not. You’re~”

“Don’t you tell me I’m imagining things because I’m sure that you’re feeling uneasy with me right now! I’mnot stupid!” I shouted angrily. “What’s really wrong? I know there’s something wrong. Please just tell me” Ibegged him.

“There’s really nothing to tell” he said looking down again.

“Then I’m going home” I said, walking away from him. And what disturbed me was that he didn’t even try tostop me.

For three days, I locked myself in my room, just looking out the window. I wanted to see him badly but I toldmyself I shouldn’t. I wanted him to be honest. I wanted him to tell me what’s bothering him. And if he lovedme like I loved him, then he would miss me and realize that he should tell me. But it didn’t work that way. Hedidn’t pass by my house. I didn’t see his face for three days. And that made me miss him so much. I stillneeded him. I still couldn’t live without him. And it was killing me that he didn’t try to even see me once.

The following day, I decided that I had to see him. I didn’t care if he would tell me his problem or not. I made



myself believe that I was just imagining things. And that things were really okay. I walked out the house andwalked around. It wasn’t hard to spot him. He was sitting on the bench unaccompanied by anyone. Andwhen I spotted him, I wasn’t the only one who spotted who I was looking for because he stood up andwalked towards me as soon as he caught sight of me.

“Hyun Jin” he called out.

“I’m sorry” we both said at the same time. We both were surprised to hear each other apologize.

“I’m sorry for acting so pathetic. I guess I just assumed that you’ve got problems because everything felt soperfect. And I thought that wasn’t possible” I told him.

“Actually, I was going to tell you that you were right. I was uncomfortable with you the past few days. Let’sgo sit” he invited. I followed him to a bench.

“I do have a problem” he admitted when we sat down.

“I had a dongseng before. She was a klutz, like you. And you reminded me of her a lot” he narrated.

“What happened to her?” I asked.

“She died. A truck hit her while she was riding her bike” I didn’t know what to say. I was speechless. I felt

tears in my eyes as I felt sorry for him and the girl. “She and I were so close to each other. That’s why I stillmiss her even though it happened five years ago”

“I’m sorry. It must be hard for you” I finally said.

“It is. But I don’t want it that way. I want to forget about it already. It’s the past and no one can change it” heresponded.

After that, things turned back to normal. But even though I felt sorry for him, I was in high spirits deep inside.Because he finally shared something about himself and it mattered a lot to me more than anything elsecould. Little did I know that what he told me was just a pinch of his worries then.

Have you ever felt something too good that you’re afraid it isn’t real? That was what I felt as days continuedon. I felt that our relationship was too perfect. And I knew it was too good to last.

“Hyun Jin” he whispered my name as we sat near the lake one night.

“Yes?” I asked.

“Do you still wonder what my name is?” he brought up. Fearing that would be the source of another fightbetween us, I shook my head though I did still wonder about it.

“Really?” he asked, a bit stunned.

“It doesn’t matter anyway. At least I have you” I alleged to him. I thought I was just imagining it but I sawsadness when I spoke. However after a moment, it was gone so I didn’t bother asking about it.

“Hyun Jin, I’m sorry” he apologized. I speculated why. I don’t remember anything bad that he had done.

“For what? What are you talking about?”

“For causing you pain then, now and for the future” he replied, sounding like he really did something wrongand that was all he brought me the whole time we were together.

“You never caused me pain then and now. And I’m sure you won’t anytime in the future” I assured him. Heshook his head.

“Hyun Jin, you should be strong. You shouldn’t always rely on me. Promise me that” he requested.

“Of course… for you I will do anything” I said. Right then, I could already sense something was about to



happen - something unexpected and dreadful. I just wasn’t sure what.

“If I ask you to forget me and go on with your life, would you do it?” he asked out of the blue.

“Never… no matter what happens… I will never do that… even if anyone threatens to kill me…” I answered,thinking that it was a test that he was giving me to check my faithfulness to him.

“But I thought you would do anything for me?” he asked, his voice shaky and quivering.

“Yes, I would. But I don’t think you would ask me to do something like that, would you?” I remarked, feelingmore bothered. His voice never quivered before… even when he told me about his dongseng… what did itmean?

“Summer’s coming…” he spoke, his voice still shuddering.

“I heard… the weather reports say it might come in four days from now” I answered. He nodded.

“But you’re going to come back anyway, right? Next spring?” I queried.

He didn’t answer.

His face looked somber as his eyes concentrated on the lake.

“Please tell me you will” I pleaded, needing his guarantee.

But he didn’t speak.

“I know you will” I said, trying to sound confident. “And when you do, we’ll hang out here again every night.And you might even tell your name” I anticipated. I smiled at the thought of it.

“Hyun Jin” his voice snapped me out of my fantasy.

“What?”

“Let’s end this now” he said bluntly.

“Huh?” I exclaimed, asking him to repeat what he said, hoping I heard it wrong.

“I’m asking you to forget about me and go on with your life…” he clarified.

“I can’t do that…” I informed him.

“Why not? It’s for your own good”

“How can you say that? Don’t you know that the happiest moments of my life are when I’m with you? I loveyou” I revealed my feelings. He rubbed his forehead. I saw that he was confused.

“You know that, don’t you? And I know you feel the same way too, am I right?” I asked. He shook his head.

“I’m sorry. You got me wrong, Hyun Jin. I don’t love you. I only treat you as my dongseng… I only wanted tobe your angel… not your lover…” he said, parting, leaving me all alone in, what felt like, the coldest night ofthat spring.

I didn’t see him after that day. I searched and searched but I couldn’t find him anywhere. I didn’t believewhat he said that night. I figured something had forced him to say those things. However, no matter how Iwant to ask him about it, I couldn’t because he was really gone. By the end of that day, I gave up. Hemust’ve left, I thought to myself. As I walked back to the house, a thought came into my mind. Could it beJunghwa who told him to say those things to me because of her brother? And as the thought entered mymind, the more it made sense. It all fit in the puzzle. Anger raged inside me. I couldn’t believe how Junghwacould do it to me. I turned my heels and walked towards Junghwa’s house.

When I got there, Junghwa was the one who answered the doorbell.



“Hyun Jin!” She seemed a bit surprised. By that time, my tears were overflowing.

“It was you, wasn’t it?” I cried angrily.

“What are you talking about? Hyun Jin, what happened?” she asked, acting naive.

“Don’t pretend you don’t know! I know you do! It’s your fault! It’s all your fault!” I bellowed. “I hate you! I hateyou so much!” I shouted hysterically. She hugged when I became out of control. I pounded my fists on her. “Ihate you…” I exclaimed crazily.

“Hyun Jin, calm down” Junghwa soothed.

“Junghwa… why? Why did he leave me?” I asked, finally getting back to my senses and realizing Junghwacouldn’t have caused it all. “He promised me… he’d be my angel… why is he gone? Junghwa… I told him Iloved him… I told him everything… but he didn’t understand… he didn’t… love me back…”

For three nights, I prayed that he’d come back. And I never even prayed before. I wanted him back badly.Everyday, I would go and search for him once more. I didn’t want to give up because I might have justmissed him before. At night, I would walk to the park, expecting to see him, sitting near the lake. But hewasn’t. Until spring came to an end that year.

End of chapter 4 ---

Spring 2003: Fallen HopeI knew when spring ended that he won’t be coming back that year. He never comes in other seasons. Heonly came during spring. That was why when spring came after that year, hope filled my heart once again.After waiting for a long time, having no appetite and not in the mood to talk to anyone but Junghwa and allwe ever did talk about was him, I finally felt that I was going to be fine again.

“Umma, I’m going out” I said, walking out the door, not making an effort to wait for her response. I half ranhalf walked as I scanned the faces of the people I passed by to see if it was him. As I did, I saw a familiarfigure standing a few meters away from me. I opened my mouth to call him but then I remembered that Ididn’t know his name. Instead, I approached him and tapped his shoulder. Though when he turned, Irecognized it wasn’t him at all.

“I’m sorry” I apologized to the guy and walked on. I didn’t find him that day, despite the fact that I looked

everywhere. My heart sank as I locked myself in my room. At first I just stared at the wall, hoping to loseeverything that’s on my mind. Maybe if I stopped thinking, I would feel better, I supposed. However, thethoughts inside my head just won’t go away. And I found myself going back to the times I spent with him allover again. Breaking down into a sob, I asked myself why he allowed me to suffer like that when hepromised to be my guardian angel. He promised me that he would keep me from getting hurt, so why wasn’the here when I needed him most?

My eyes squinted from the sun’s gleam the next morning. I didn’t realize that I slept. I got up from my bedand walked over to my desk to look at the table clock. My eyes caught a glance at the book he gave me twoyears ago. I sighed, picking it up and opening it. The title was written across the first page. My hand traced itas I tried to recall what he said about ‘Spring Angels’. It felt like it just happened. I can still remember verywell all the details of his face – his smile, his eyes, and his lips. It was all fresh in my mind. But it was threeyears ago. And now he wasn’t here. Hatred crossed into my mind and I unconsciously threw the book. It hitthe wall then fell on the ground, making a loud thump. Then once again, tears fell down my cheeks.

“I hate you…”, I cursed him for the first time. I didn’t notice the paper that fell out of the book when I threw it.I walked back to my bed and stared out the window.

I heard a soft knock behind the door a few hours later. “Who is it?” I asked without energy.

“Junghwa” she replied.

“Come in”

While she entered the room, the door hit the book on the floor. Junghwa picked it up and placed it on the



table. That was when I noticed the paper on the floor. “Junghwa, what’s that?” I asked, pointing to the paper.She shrugged.

“Must’ve fallen off the book” she retorted. I stood up and picked it up. It was a medical file of a hospitalnearby. I scanned the information. The patient’s name was Kim Kyung Rok. He was born on April 3, 1984.And at the bottom was a picture. As soon as I saw it, I knew who it was. It was him… I looked back to theupper part of the file and saw what his problem was. Leukemia. The moment I saw that, my hands trembled

and the paper fell out of my hands. I was too shocked. I didn’t know he was sick. Junghwa picked up thepaper and looked at it herself. After she did, she let out a gasp. She was just as shocked.

“Junghwa… I need to go there… he must be there…” I decided.

I rushed out my room and headed for the door.

“Hyun Jin, wait” Junghwa called. “It’s too late to go out for today”

“I don’t care!” I replied, my mind set on going there. I didn’t care what was going on. All I knew was that hewas in a hospital and I had to go and see him. Junghwa grabbed my arm and stopped me.

“Let go!” I demanded.

“No! Hyun Jin, I know you love him. But you shouldn’t do this to yourself!” she yelled.

“Don’t you understand? I need him… badly…” I cried, desperately.

“He’s become like a drug to you, Hyun Jin. You need control. You have to control yourself”

“I don’t want to… I want to see him… I don’t want to fight my urge… I need him…”

“You can see him tomorrow. Please just stay here tonight? For me?” she begged. Our eyes met and I sawthe sadness in her eyes. “Just this once, Hyun Jin. Do this for me”

And before I could change my mind, I walked back inside the house and hugged her.

“Thank you” she whispered. “For finally showing that you are my friend”

“I’m sorry…”, I apologized, knowing that ever since he came, I neglected her. “But I really want to see him…”

“Is there a Kim Kyung Rok here?” I asked the nurse at the counter. Junghwa accompanied me of thehospital the next day and as soon as we got there, I rushed to check with the nurse.

“Kim Kyung Rok? Let me check” She opened her record book and scanned it.

“I’m sorry, there isn’t any patient by that name” she said, smiling remorsefully.

“How about last year?” I asked.

“No, there wasn’t. If there was, I would’ve heard about him”

“Please check” I asked as nicely as I could.

“Wait a minute” she said, disappearing behind a door. When she came back, she was holding three recordbooks.

“Why don’t you check here” she said, handing it to me. Junghwa approached me.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

“I’m going to check if he was really in here” I replied.

“I’ll help” she said, taking one of the record books. I scanned every page for his name but I didn’t see it. Thebook I was holding was year 2001. I checked the one that was dated year 2002. Still, no record of his name.



“Hyun Jin? I think I found it” Junghwa said as I closed the book I was holding. I rushed to her side and saw itmyself. He was here last 2000. I thought hard. That was the first time we met. How could that be? And whyisn’t he there anymore?

“He isn’t from here after all. He must’ve gone back to where he came from” Junghwa supposed. But I justdidn’t get it. Why would he go to our side of town when he needed medication in the hospital? I really didn’t

get it at all. Junghwa and I walked back home. And when we got there, a guy was standing on the frontporch.

“Excuse me, are you Hyun Jin?” he asked.

“Yes I am” I replied. Junghwa and I looked at each other, wondering why this guy knew my name.

“Someone asked me to give this to you” he said, handing me an envelope. I stared at it then noticed thename signed on the upper right corner of the envelope.

“Where is he?” I asked suddenly.

“He’s~” I didn’t let him finish.

“Is he alright? Why isn’t he coming?” I threw the questions at him.

“He’s dead”

I swear my heart stopped beating at that moment. I felt short of breath and dizzy. Junghwa noticed andgrabbed me before I could fall on the ground.

“How can he be dead?” Junghwa argued with the guy.

“Didn’t you know? He had Leukemia for five years” the guy said.

“What? You mean he was sick even before the day we met?” I asked, rubbing my forehead to relieve mydizziness.

“Yes. It seems that he skipped all his medications just to see you” he explained.

“That isn’t true… he left last year…” I replied, fighting back the tears forming in my eyes.

“No, he didn’t. He stayed here until his death” the guy confirmed. “His parents sent him to the hospitalnearby every spring for medication but he gets out of there every time to come and see you”

Did that mean the day after he told me those words, he already died? I couldn’t take it. Any of it. I couldn’taccept it. I told myself it wasn’t true. I don’t care if he hated me or that he didn’t like me so he left but hedied?!? It can’t be.

I ran inside the house and slammed the door behind me. Junghwa pounded on it. “Hyun Jin!” she shouted.But I didn’t open the door. I was afraid that if people start talking about it, it might really be true. But it isn’t atthe moment. At least not for me.

“Kyung Rok is alive” I told myself repeatedly, thinking if I said it in enough times, it will come true.

I thought my tears were going to dry out at that moment because I couldn’t stop crying. Junghwa was right…he had become a drug to me… and I needed him… I needed him so much that it hurt… but even thought itwas hard to face that he was really dead, when I woke up the next morning, realization swept over me.

“He’s dead” the guy’s voice circled through my head. “Instead of taking medications, he came to see you” Iclosed my eyes and let more tears flow. I grabbed the envelope the guy handed me the day before andopened it.

“I made the biggest mistake in my life…I fell in love with the person I’m watching over… at first I thought itwas good… the sensation of love… I never felt much happier… I have found my angel… the one I was



looking to find. And it felt good to know that… even though I knew it was wrong… five years ago, I made avow. I promised myself I won’t fall for anyone anymore… I knew it would be a sin… but when I met her, Icouldn’t help myself… I became selfish… to the point that I started to hurt her… I wanted to stop causing herpain but I couldn’t. It was too late… I wanted to leave… but if I did, she would get hurt… if I stayed and diedwhile I was with her, she would also get hurt… I don’t know what to do… now I realize why angels can’t fallin love… “

It wasn’t really addressed to me. It was like a journal entry. But what was written really made me cry. I didn’teven finish reading the letter because after that, I started bawling. I missed the important part. But I didn’tknow that. I became hysterical all of a sudden. I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like I was going to go insane.I needed an escape. Something to rid everything in my head because if I didn’t, I thought my head wouldexplode. I rummaged through my things for something to do to distract myself. But I ended up running out ofthe house towards the bar that was just a few blocks away from our house.

When I got inside, I ordered a beer. As soon as the bottle was placed in front of me, I gobbled down thewhole bottle. I felt a bit dizzy since it was my first time to drink beer. But my mind was only set on one thing.And that was to forget about everything. And I was ready to do anything just to attain it. I ordered more beerfrom the bartender until I drank more than six bottles. I knew then that I was already drunk. I stood up fromthe seat I was sitting in and tried to walk straight but I couldn’t. I grabbed the bar table for support as Iwalked out the place. I couldn’t see clearly, everything seemed to moving as I looked at them. And when Ilooked before me, I saw him. I saw Kyung Rok.

“Hyun Jin”

“Kyung Rok…They said you were dead, would you believe it?” I said with a laugh. Suddenly all my worrieswere gone and all I knew was that I was talking to him and nothing else.

“But I didn’t believe. No, not me. I knew you’d be back… I knew you wouldn’t leave me…” I continued,walking towards him. However before I could reach him, I stumbled to the ground. But he caught me.

“Thank you” I told him, holding on to him to keep my balance.

“Don’t leave me… please tell me you’d stay forever… That you won’t let me get hurt anymore…” I cried tohim.

“Hyun Jin, what did you do?” he asked.

“I’m sorry for doing this. I really thought you died… But you have to understand… I can’t live without you…so don’t ever leave me…” And with that, I fell unconscious.

“I want you to forget me and just go on with your life. You misunderstood me. I never loved you…” thosewere his last words. And somehow, it kept repeating inside my head. It was like a broken record that keptplaying on and on. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to shut it off. But it won’t stop. I closed my eyes and toldmyself it was just inside my head. Until finally, it stopped. I reopened my eyes. A hand was holding mine.The hand belonged to guy who had his face buried in the covers of my bed as he sat on a chair beside it. Iexpected it to be Kyung Rok so I called out his name. What surprise I had when the person I saw when helooked up was Rae Won.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, still stunned to see him.

“Didn’t you know? I took you home from the bar” he explained.

“No! Kyung Rok took me home!” I disagreed.

“Hyun Jin. I heard about your boyfriend. I’m sorry” he grieved.

“He wasn’t my boyfriend! He was my angel…” I argued.

“I’m still sorry”

“Don’t be. He’s alive. I saw him! He was the one who took me home!” I said, starting to lose control again.



“Yes he did, and he told me to tell you to calm down and bring back your old self” he replied, going towardsme.

“You’re lying! He wouldn’t leave me here! You must’ve driven him away!” I shouted angrily.

“Please… Hyun Jin. Fight it. Please bring back your old self” he begged, touching my arm.

“Leave me alone! Go! I don’t need you!” I screamed.

“No. I’m going to stay here with you until you calm down and until you go back to being the Hyun Jin I knew”he said persistently.

“Leave me be! Just leave me be!” I shrieked as I felt my energy draining. I dropped to the floor. He movedforward and pulled me up. “I can’t live without him… I just can’t…” I mumbled as he laid me to my bed.

“I’ll help you…”

He stayed with me for days, in my room. Even as I just sat there, staring at the wall, he didn’t leave. He satbeside me and told me about how I used to be. “Remember the time when we watched that movie? It wasreally fun, wasn’t it?” he asked.

“I brushed you off then…” I said insensibly.

“But you were happy then. Why can’t you be now?” he questioned.

I didn’t answer.

He didn’t understand how I felt. He didn’t know what it was like to miss a person close to the heart. But thatwas just what I thought then. I didn’t realize he was feeling it right then and there.

But Rae Won was still human. And humans give up when it had been too much.“I don’t love you. Just leave me. I love Kyung Rok” I muttered. I’ve trying to get him out by saying meanthings but he wouldn’t. Until that moment.

“You don’t understand how it feels… to lose him…” I followed.

“And you don’t know how it feels to love someone who doesn’t love you” he snapped. I was taken aback by

what he said. “You think everyone else in the world is insensitive just because a person died doesn’t meanother people don’t care about you. A lot of people care about you - your mother and Junghwa”

“And me”, he added in a small voice.

“But you just can’t seem to see that” he said, standing up and heading for the door. I didn’t stop him. Butwhen the door closed behind him, I felt regret in my heart. And for the first time in a long time, I found myselfthinking about how Rae Won felt. And in doing so, I felt tears trickle down my cheeks. Because just then, Irealized the wrong things I’ve done to him. Feeling that I wasn’t going to feel any much sadder, I took thattime to continue reading Kyung Rok’s letter.

“Hyun Jin,I Love you… it’s lesser a sin if I write it down instead of saying it, right? I just wanted to let you know… atleast once… I was wrong. And you were right. I can’t make you forget me. And I shouldn’t have said that.But you have to go on with your life… because what I couldn’t tell you before was that… I’m dying… I haveLeukemia… and I know I’m not going to last too long… I’m pulling away from you now… please don’t doanything stupid… remember your promise? You promised to be strong… I hope you keep it… at least do itfor me.. but whatever you do, keep me in your heart… as the person who loved you…until his death…goodbye, Hyun Jin… it’s for your own good… move on…don’t be afraid to love again… love isn’t scary…it’sa wonderful and mysterious thing…”

Though I was expecting myself to be crying a river after I read the letter, I didn’t. Instead, I felt like I knewwhat I had to do. A self-realization flowed through me, causing me to run out the door and look for Rae Won.Luckily, I found him outside, sitting on the front porch, alone. I walked towards him and sat down beside him.



“Rae Won…” I called his attention. He didn’t turn to me.

“Rae Won… I’m sorry…”

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I never regretted meeting Kim Kyung Rok and I never will. I will never ever forget him. Not because he wasmy first love. But because it was because of him that I have learned to love. Even though what he and I hadwas almost perfect, it had to end. Just like the spring comes to an end every year to give way to summerand like a flower withers but there will always be a new one. That’s a reality of life.

Kyung Rok was just a messenger. He was an angel sent to tell me something. And what he wanted to tellme was that I should give love a chance. He showed me that love isn’t something to fear. That love isn’t allpain. It is also joy. And what I had with him was obsession and not really love. And he taught me a lot. Hewill always be my spring angel.

Right now, I’m happy with Rae Won. I have given love a chance. And now I find myself happy with the one Itruly love… there really is a rainbow after the rain…

As I end the story of my spring angel, Kyung Rok, these words I dedicate to him…“I love,

I have loved,I will love…

Because of you…”

CREDIT/BY :: jyl@sOuL’

Madpeach90@sOuL’ michelle

Documents

My Spring Angel