Nada Ignjatovic-Savic, Begrad, Serbia THE RELEVANCE OF COMPASSIONATE COMMUNICATION IN EDUCATION

Nada Ignjatovic-Savic, Begrad, SerbiaNada Ignjatovic-Savic, Begrad, Serbia

THE RELEVANCE THE RELEVANCE OF COMPASSIONATE OF COMPASSIONATE COMMUNICATION IN COMMUNICATION IN

EDUCATIONEDUCATION

What is the purpose of education? What is the purpose of education? Does the school practice meet the Does the school practice meet the

needs of all actors, students and needs of all actors, students and teachers in the first place? teachers in the first place?

How it could be changed to fit the How it could be changed to fit the purpose better? purpose better?

The purpose of school:The purpose of school:• developing heart and soul as well as body and developing heart and soul as well as body and

mind,mind,• to foster the development of personal integrity to foster the development of personal integrity

and interconnectedness,and interconnectedness,• to nurture love for learning, to nurture love for learning, • to make studying in the school meaningful and to make studying in the school meaningful and

life connectedlife connected

obrazovanjeobrazovanje (education) = (education) = obrazobraz means means personal integritypersonal integrity

Life alienated versus life serving Life alienated versus life serving education, resumed in 13 D’s;education, resumed in 13 D’s;

DISCONNECTED vs. CONNECT before educateDISCONNECTED vs. CONNECT before educate DICHOTOMIC- either/ or vs. and/and DICHOTOMIC- either/ or vs. and/and DENYING FEELINGS vs. feelings as guides to our needsDENYING FEELINGS vs. feelings as guides to our needs DIAGNOSES vs. observation, judgments translated into OFNRDIAGNOSES vs. observation, judgments translated into OFNR DENIAL OF CHOICE , have to vs. PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY DENIAL OF CHOICE , have to vs. PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY DEMANDS vs. REQUESTS; DEMANDS vs. REQUESTS; Naked requestsNaked requests or saying or saying what we do what we do

not wantnot want instead of what we want and how instead of what we want and how DISCIPLINE, obedience of rules vs. creating them together DISCIPLINE, obedience of rules vs. creating them together DESERVING PUNISHMENT AND REWARD – locus of control DESERVING PUNISHMENT AND REWARD – locus of control

outside vs. insideoutside vs. inside DRAMATIZING MISTAKES AND FAILURES vs. invitation for new DRAMATIZING MISTAKES AND FAILURES vs. invitation for new

ideas and trialsideas and trials DOMINEERING RELATIONSHIPS= Power over vs. power with.DOMINEERING RELATIONSHIPS= Power over vs. power with. DISTRUST, uniformity vs. celebration of diversity, DISTRUST, uniformity vs. celebration of diversity, DEFINITE, serious- fun, play, adventure of discovery, not knowing DEFINITE, serious- fun, play, adventure of discovery, not knowing DISPIRITED, ineffective No one is enjoying, celebration missingDISPIRITED, ineffective No one is enjoying, celebration missing

THEORETICAL STANDPOINTTHEORETICAL STANDPOINT Our Our interactivistic - constructivist approachinteractivistic - constructivist approach to the nature of human to the nature of human

development development

Self awareness development relaying on Self awareness development relaying on - Social interaction in the zone of proximal development and - Social interaction in the zone of proximal development and - interplay of both iconic and verbal means of expression- interplay of both iconic and verbal means of expression

M.B.Rosenberg’s model of non-violent communication (NVCM.B.Rosenberg’s model of non-violent communication (NVC)) It redefines the purpose of education by putting in the first place principle see see www.CNVC.orgwww.CNVC.org

“CONNECT COMPASSIONATELLY BEFORE anything else - teaching, problem solving, searching for solution in conflicts...

Radical shift in the approach to educationRadical shift in the approach to education It redefines methods of work, what is valued and how, methods of

assessment, methods of dealing with discipline and challenges...

http://www.cnvc.org/

Timothy Gallway, The inner game of tennisTimothy Gallway, The inner game of tennisThe roseThe rose

When we plant a rose seed in the earth, When we plant a rose seed in the earth, we notice that it is small, we notice that it is small, but we do not criticize it as rootless and stemless.but we do not criticize it as rootless and stemless. We treat it as a seed, giving it water and nourishment We treat it as a seed, giving it water and nourishment required of a seed.required of a seed. When it first shoots up out of the earth, When it first shoots up out of the earth, we don’t criticize the buds for not being open we don’t criticize the buds for not being open when they appear.when they appear. We stand in wonder at the process taking place, and give the plant the care it needsWe stand in wonder at the process taking place, and give the plant the care it needs at each stage of its developmentat each stage of its development The rose is a rose from the time it is a seed The rose is a rose from the time it is a seed to the timeto the time It dies.It dies. Within it at all times, Within it at all times, it is constantly in process of change, it is constantly in process of change, yet at each stage, at each moment, yet at each stage, at each moment, it isit is Perfectly all right as it is.Perfectly all right as it is.

OVERVIEW OFOVERVIEW OFPROGRAMS IMPLEMENTATIONPROGRAMS IMPLEMENTATION

1993-20011993-2001: 8: 8000 teachers000 teachers and about 2 and about 200 000 children00 000 children involved, with the involved, with the support of UNICEF support of UNICEF

2001 -ongoing2001 -ongoing: integral part of : integral part of Civic Education in Primary schoolsCivic Education in Primary schools in Serbia in Serbia 6900 teachers6900 teachers with the with the support of MoESsupport of MoES 3 manuals “3 manuals “Smile keepers 1, 2, andSmile keepers 1, 2, and 3” with programs for children aged 5-10, 3” with programs for children aged 5-10,

11-14, and 15-1811-14, and 15-18 3 Manuals 3 Manuals WORDS ARE WINDOWS OR THEY ARE WALLS 1,2,3WORDS ARE WINDOWS OR THEY ARE WALLS 1,2,3 for for

teachers working with children from 5-10,11-14,15-18teachers working with children from 5-10,11-14,15-18 4 manuals 4 manuals Civic Education 1-4, Civic Education 1-4, for teachers working with Primary schools for teachers working with Primary schools

childrenchildren 2003-20042003-2004 – “ – “Smile KeepersSmile Keepers” TV serial of 33 workshop episodes” TV serial of 33 workshop episodes

2001 -ongoing- 2001 -ongoing- Spreading abroadSpreading abroad

COMPONENTS OF TEACHERS TRAININGCOMPONENTS OF TEACHERS TRAINING Personal empowerment Personal empowerment promoting educative competence by promoting educative competence by

learning learning KNOW HOWKNOW HOW preparation to facilitate the workshop preparation to facilitate the workshop

program with childrenprogram with children

Basic training was 32 or 48 hours, followed Basic training was 32 or 48 hours, followed by additional trainings up to 96by additional trainings up to 96 hourshours

THE KEY FEATURES OF THE TEACHER’S THE KEY FEATURES OF THE TEACHER’S FACILITATION SKILLS:FACILITATION SKILLS:

compassionate, non-judgmental, non-directive compassionate, non-judgmental, non-directive presencepresence

interventionintervention in the zone of proximal in the zone of proximal development of the childdevelopment of the child

opennessopenness - there are no desirable, expected or - there are no desirable, expected or correct responsescorrect responses

honest expressionhonest expression of their own of their own observation/feelings/needs/values/requestsobservation/feelings/needs/values/requests

KEY FEATURES OF THE KEY FEATURES OF THE PROGRAMS FOR CHILDRENPROGRAMS FOR CHILDREN

Circular seating arrangements Circular seating arrangements Active learning methodologyActive learning methodology Playful contextPlayful context of interactionof interaction Symbolic expressionSymbolic expression (drawing) of (drawing) of

feelings and feelings and sharing about it around sharing about it around the circlethe circle, , that allows children articulate that allows children articulate and reflect on their inner experienceand reflect on their inner experience

TYPES OF TASKS TYPES OF TASKS IN “SMILE KEEPERS “ PROGRAM IN “SMILE KEEPERS “ PROGRAM

EMOTIONAL EDUCATIONEMOTIONAL EDUCATION1. To draw 1. To draw inner, inner,

visceral visceral experienceexperience of of feelingsfeelings

Here is a drawing of Here is a drawing of fearfear, , done by girl, done by girl, age 5-6age 5-6


EMOTIONAL EDUCATIONEMOTIONAL EDUCATION2. to find 2. to find symbolic symbolic

expressionexpression for the for the particular feelingparticular feeling

““My My angeranger is like a drill spinning in my head”, boy age 6 is like a drill spinning in my head”, boy age 6


EMOTIONAL EDUCATIONEMOTIONAL EDUCATION3. to find 3. to find symbolic symbolic

expressionexpression for inner for inner dynamics of feelingsdynamics of feelings

Me and my feelings, boy, Me and my feelings, boy, age 6age 6


EMOTIONAL EDUCATIONEMOTIONAL EDUCATION 4. 4. symbolic symbolic

representation ofrepresentation of inner dynamics of inner dynamics of feelings feelings

Inner dynamics of feelings, Inner dynamics of feelings, 16 years old girl16 years old girl

Specific components of the training Specific components of the training of teachersof teachers

Clarifying intention before any actionClarifying intention before any action Translating self critique into language of need and constructive actionTranslating self critique into language of need and constructive action Accepting responsibility for the requests ( expressing I am requesting it Accepting responsibility for the requests ( expressing I am requesting it

because I am needing)because I am needing) Accepting responsibility for their own acts (translating "I don’t like it, but I do Accepting responsibility for their own acts (translating "I don’t like it, but I do

it" into "I do it because")it" into "I do it because") Using language of needs, values and positive action: translation of "I don’t Using language of needs, values and positive action: translation of "I don’t

want children to do ..." into "When I tell that, I would like children to do want children to do ..." into "When I tell that, I would like children to do ( offering alternatives). because I want, need... ." ( offering alternatives). because I want, need... ."

Estimation of accomplishments of children in terms of observation, feelings, Estimation of accomplishments of children in terms of observation, feelings, needs and requests - when it is and when it isn’t in harmony with values of needs and requests - when it is and when it isn’t in harmony with values of adults adults

Expressing appreciation in NVC termsExpressing appreciation in NVC terms Using NVC alternatives to punishment and rewardsUsing NVC alternatives to punishment and rewards Creating school rules together with children, expressed in values/positive Creating school rules together with children, expressed in values/positive

action languageaction language Receiving empathically children’s behaviour >not taking it personallyReceiving empathically children’s behaviour >not taking it personally

SOME CHALLENGES IN SOME CHALLENGES IN TEACHERS’ LEARNING OF NVCTEACHERS’ LEARNING OF NVC 1.1. Expressing needs and requestsExpressing needs and requests2.2. Translating Translating ““I don’t want children to do...”I don’t want children to do...”

3.3. Static vs. process evaluationStatic vs. process evaluation

4.4. ExpressingExpressing appreciation in NVC termsappreciation in NVC terms5.5. Receiving NOReceiving NO

6.6. Agreements vs. rulesAgreements vs. rules7.7. Alternatives to punishmentAlternatives to punishment 8.8. Translating labelsTranslating labels

EVALUATION: SOME EVALUATION: SOME INTERESTING FINDINGSINTERESTING FINDINGS

Table 1. Type of change in way of communication (percentage)

type of change

with colleagues

with children

with parents

with boss with family

better expression

14.7 7.4 8.5 6.9 15.7

better receiving

36.7 33.4 19.9 11.2 27.4

less conflicts

27.4 50.1 37.5 25.0 40.7

undefined change

8.7 4.3 5.7 3.4 8.1

no change 12.0 4.9 11.3 40.5 8.1

answered 150 162 141 116 172


Table 2. Teachers Self-confidence in their own NVC skills in communication with different partners

partner not confident

partly confident

confident mean value

stand.dev.

children 2% 34% 63.9 2.62 .53

colleagues 17.6 % 54.1% 28.3% 2.11 .67

family 6.6% 41.2% 52.3% 2.46 .62

1-3 scale, where 1=I don’t feel confidence, 2==I’m partly confident, 3=I’m confident


Table 3. Difficulties in applying the Model of NVC

Personal inhibition, skillsnot yet developed

37.2%

Reactions of others(resistance, mocking)

41.2%

Not specified 8.8%

No difficulties 12.8%

Answered 226

THE EFFECTS OF THE PROGRAM THE EFFECTS OF THE PROGRAM ON CHILDRENS BEHAVIOURON CHILDRENS BEHAVIOUR

better able to understand the better able to understand the consequences of their behaviourconsequences of their behaviour

better able to menage their feelings better able to menage their feelings especially angerespecially anger

better at conflict management, negotiating better at conflict management, negotiating disagreementsdisagreements

have fewer fights and upsetshave fewer fights and upsets


more positive feelings about self and more positive feelings about self and peerspeers

better able to focus and take other’s better able to focus and take other’s perspectiveperspective

have improved empathy and respect for have improved empathy and respect for the feelings of othersthe feelings of others

better at listening to othersbetter at listening to others


have more sharing, co-operation and have more sharing, co-operation and mutual respectmutual respect

have better relations with teachershave better relations with teachers

have more willingness to learnhave more willingness to learn

have school performance betterhave school performance better

LESSONS LEARNEDLESSONS LEARNED We noticed:We noticed:• that with a bigger number of professionals that with a bigger number of professionals

trained from one school, trained from one school, • with the school principal participating in the with the school principal participating in the

training, training, • and more continuos education of the same and more continuos education of the same

group,group,the overall atmosphere in the school positively the overall atmosphere in the school positively

changed ensuring sustainability of the programchanged ensuring sustainability of the program

LESSONS LEARNED by being AGENT OF CHANGE IN LESSONS LEARNED by being AGENT OF CHANGE IN EDUCATIONEDUCATION

WHY- constant checking of my own motivation WHY- constant checking of my own motivation Not to intervene out fear, hate, despair, judgment of wrongness) but from love and Not to intervene out fear, hate, despair, judgment of wrongness) but from love and

compassion compassion Not changing others / but for myself, to meet my own needs to make a difference, to Not changing others / but for myself, to meet my own needs to make a difference, to

contribute, to learncontribute, to learn HOW -Keep the vision and face reality as it is with compassionHOW -Keep the vision and face reality as it is with compassion STEP BY STEP> start where you canSTEP BY STEP> start where you can IT IS TRANSFORMATION- integrating old and new, focus on what to keep what to IT IS TRANSFORMATION- integrating old and new, focus on what to keep what to

changechange HAVE A GROUP- shared vision, energy, creativity, support when difficult, and HAVE A GROUP- shared vision, energy, creativity, support when difficult, and

togethernesstogetherness HAVE FUN- playful energy opens the heartsHAVE FUN- playful energy opens the hearts CELEBRATION- of every stepCELEBRATION- of every step FACING DIFFICULTIES AS A GIFT, stimulus to grow FACING DIFFICULTIES AS A GIFT, stimulus to grow DANCE between passionate commitment and letting goDANCE between passionate commitment and letting go RISK – not knowing, going out of the comfort zone, breaking the rules...RISK – not knowing, going out of the comfort zone, breaking the rules... ENJOY the PROCESS over the OUTCOMEENJOY the PROCESS over the OUTCOME GRANT ME PATIENCE LORD BUT HURRY with institutional changeGRANT ME PATIENCE LORD BUT HURRY with institutional change

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Nada Ignjatovic-Savic, Begrad, Serbia THE RELEVANCE OF COMPASSIONATE COMMUNICATION IN EDUCATION