THE NEVER ALONE NEWS LETTER IS PUBLISHED BY THE NEWS LETTER SUBCOMMITEE OF SAN FERNANDO VALLEY AREA OF NARCOTICS

ANONYMOUS (CHAIR/LAYOUT DESIGN : Dale L.: VICE CHAIR: TBD EDITOR KORELLE C.) WE WELCOME COMMENTS AND SUBMISSIONS

AT SFVNEVERALONE@NASFV.COM Page one

New Chairperson for the Never Alone Newsletter

By way of introduction, my name is Dale L. and I have enjoyed the tutelage of the amazing Chairperson Ana S. and awesome Vice Chairperson Korelle C. for the last year and a half. These women have taught me so much that they do not even realize while showing me a love that will last a lifetime. They are moving on to other commitments, but Korelle will continue to assist me as our editor/proofreader. I have written many articles over the past 2 years so our regular readers should already have a good knowledge of who I am and the things I stand for. For those of you who are new to the area or the program of Narcotics Anonymous, let me tell you a little about me. First and foremost, I stand for positive change and self-development. I just celebrated 21 years clean and would like to tell you that makes me special or awesome, but I read the Ba-sic Text and on page 65 it says, “An addict, any addict can stop using drugs, lose the desire to use and find a new way to live. The message is hope and the promise is freedom.” So, I haven’t done anything different than the rest of you in our program. I heard the message, followed the instruction clearly written in the Basic Text and accepted the promise. I was at one time a person very deserving of being despised. In 1990 I beat a man to death while under the influence of methamphetamines. I was con-victed and sentenced to prison for 15 to life. While in prison I continued in my addiction for another 7 years. I got seriously injured in 1997 and decided

to get clean, which I did without a pro-gram. Although I was clean, I was miserable and cared little for any-thing. In 2001 I was introduced to Narcotics Anonymous and there I learned to get involved in service. I learned to feel free even though I was still in prison. Gained my freedom from prison 2/17/2015 and became a active member of San Fernando Val-ley Area Narcotics Anonymous. Through service I learned to care for others and enjoy life. Service is the key to staying clean and enjoying life. AS an addict I was selfish and life was about me, what I want, when I want it and don’t stand in my way. I could justify and blame others, People, Places and things. By being of service, I moved out of self and into life as a loving and caring human being. Though the steps of NA, the advice and guidance of my sisters and brothers in the pro-gram and dedication to commitment I am well on my way to being the person I was always meant to be. AS Chairperson, I hope to one day measure up to the example set by Ana. I promise to listen and do my best to continue to produce a newsletter that meats the moral character and needs of the San Fernando Valley Area Narcotics Anonymous. I encourage you to submit your stories sharing your experience strength and hope with others. Let it be you that makes this newsletter a more valuable tool for the San Fer-nando Valley Area Narcotics Anonymous. Better yet join the team that is SFVNA Never Alone.

Page # Table of Contents

1 ) New Chairperson for Never Alone Newsletter. by Dale L. 2) Gnarly Bottom - by Gwynne K.

Give it All You’ve Got Travis W.

3) Embracing Change - by Korelle C.

FREAK - by Marilisa

4) She Just Wanted the Best Version of

Herself- by July D.

Knowing a Thing

Whoops I had a Relapse - by Dalton R.

5) No Matter What - By April G.

6) Service on the Path to Recovery

by Dalton R.

Staying Off Drugs - by Dalton R.

Whatever I Can - by Dale L.

Freedom Behind The Walls

by Scotty S.

7) Miracles in NA - by Dale L.

Alphabet of Addiction and Recovery -

by April G.

8) There is a Solution by Deborah B.

Calendar July

8 Phone Lines Subcommittee 11:00 am

SFV Area Service Committee 2:00 pm

11 Public Information Subcommittee 7:00 pm

14 Wild Recovery 6:00 pm

15 SFV Activities Subcommittee 5:00 pm

19 Newsletter Subcommittee 5:00 pm

28 So Cal Region NA Birthday Celebration 5:00

August

3 Convention Subcommittee 7:00 pm

4 Old-timer ’ Breakfast 9:00 am

Website Subcommittee 12:00 pm

11 Wild Recovery 8:45 am

So Cal Youth Committee Clean Not Dead

CARNIVAL 11:00 am

6 Hospitals and Institutions Subcommittee 7:30

8 Public Information Subcommittee 7:00 pm

11 Wild Recovery 8:45 am

So Cal Youth Committee Clean Not Dead

CARNIVAL 11:00 am

12 PhoneLines Subcommittee 11:00 am

SFV Area Service Committee 2:00 pm

16 Newsletter Subcommittee 5:00 pm

19 SFV Activities Subcommittee 5:00 pm

September

1 Website Subcommittee 12:00 pm

3 Hospitals and Institutions Subcommittee 7:30

7 Convention Subcommittee 7:00 pm

9 PhoneLines Subcommittee 11:00 am

SFV Area Service Committee 2:00 pm

12 Public Information Subcommittee 7:00 pm

16 SFV Activities Subcommittee 5:00 pm19 SFV

Activities Subcommittee 5:00 pm

Page Two

Gnarly Bottom - my story by Gwynne K.

Let me tell you about jail. A person could die in there and no one would notice. No, it was not like on TV. The other inmates will not rape you or shiv you. The depu-ties will not beat you or cane you. In fact, most of the women were friendly or at least apathetic. They're all very lonely, missing their lovers, families, friends, and the kids the DCFS have taken away. One would not stop crying for 4 days. I made many new best friends fast. Some are coming down off a tweak run, having been awake for days on end. They sleep like the dead. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse could burst through the door on a sea of flames they wouldn't budge. I considered them the lucky ones. Some of the deputies are impersonal or snotty, but you kind of can't blame them. It's a depressing place. In addition, if the medical neglect doesn't kill you, the freezing cold and lack of warm clothing or blankets will. I was sick as a dog, withdrawing from a 9-year heroin habit. On the7th day, they called me for court. I was bussed to a way-station somewhere between Lynwood and Burbank and locked in a 4'x5' concrete icebox with nothing to sit on but a stone slab, nothing to look at or read, no one to talk to, drenched in sweat for the dope sickness, with no socks, sweater, or bra. The next day I was rushed to the hospital because appar-ently half of my face was drooping. I'd had a stroke. In the hospital, I was asked how long I had been diabetic. I said, "You tell me, you’re the doctors!" I had not taken care of myself dur-ing my addiction and hadn't had any medical attention for several years. I was also 53 years old and overweight. So now, I had to give up sugar as well as dope. After a week in the hospital, handcuffed to the bed and with two deputies watching me 'round the clock (even though I couldn't even stand up and had tubes and monitors all over my body), I was put in Twin Towers women's medical for a month, where I had to teach myself how to walk again. There is no physical therapy in jail. I will give them some credit. Twin Towers medical was clean, well lit, and they did give me an extra "blanket" (more like a thick sheet). I got to shower two or three times a week. The food was bad, but not nearly as inedible as in General Pop (they did observe my diabetic restrictions, except for the 6 pieces of bread I threw away daily). The medical staff was reliable and friendly. However, the boredom and isolation of being alone for a month nearly drove me mad - which would have been fitting, as the entire ward was rumored to be slated for a full-time psych ward. In fact, about half the patients were certifiably psychotic (not just extremely neurotic like me). Their ongoing rants and conversations with people who weren't there were my only entertainment. I began to think of it as an eccentric radio show. KRZY. After all, it wasn't much different from listening to Rush Limbaugh. When I was finally released, I felt I was done with the junkie life, but was sent by the probation department to a rehab program, who in turn required me to attend four 12-step meetings of my choosing per week. This is how I first came to the rooms of Valley NA. These rooms were like no others I'd gone to before. There was a diverse mix of people - not just the expected thugs and ex-cons, but a lot of nice suburban types, creative show-folk, and even some old-school punk rock musician types - my tribe. These people were warm, welcoming, in-telligent, funny, and had their shit together, in spite of having hit some gnarly bottoms. They were "cool grown-ups.” Instead of phoning in my visits to get my attendance card signed while doing Sudoku puzzles under the table, I began to listen to what they had to say, and allow myself to engage in the discourse. I realized that, though I was no longer using, my life was still unmanageable. I still struggle with addictive behavior and acting out, even at 19 months clean. The program isn't just about kicking - it's about how to live your life without shov-ing a drug of some sort into your body every time you're uncomfortable. My NA friends have been there for me when I went through some terrible crises - and I had blown my life up like the person in Fight Club, so there were many. (I'm still digging my way out, slowly.) However, they've been through it, and moreover, the "winners" practice the principles of the program - being of service, sup-porting one another - because that's how it works. When I begin wallowing in solipsistic misery - and I am a champion of it - it always helps me to go to a meeting, reach out to a newcomer, do a gratitude list. Yes, NA IS a brainwashing cult - but I needed my brain washed, it wasn't doing such a good job on its own. It's a cult about taking care of yourself, getting your shit together, and not being a dick to others. It doesn't cost money, and the coffee's free. (So is the cake, but, diabetes...) If you can show me a better method for guidance through this life, I'm open-minded and willing to hear it out.

Give it all you got By: Travis W.

An absolute certainty which all of humanity, regardless of creed, orientation, character, moral standards or level of success can embrace an impending reality. This gift we’ve all been given known as life has a price tag equaling death. Our clocks will eventually run out. And however we spend our time; whatever we become; our lives will end fa-tally. Don’t leave this world without making your mark; leave a legacy that rings bells! Pursue your dreams with hunger, passion and intensity. Do your best right where you are. Master whatever role you’re playing in life’s motion picture and the almighty director will continue to advance you up the ranks and get you to the level of success you’re after. We all get one shot, one chance, and one opportunity. Shoot for the moon, and on your way up don’t forget to gaze at the stars. Swing for the fences every time you’re up to bat. Head up, chest out, clinch that jaw and handle yours. Give it all you got!

“Hope on the Hill” Meeting of Narcotics Anonymous

Needs support

The only IP (Informational Pamphlet) meeting In San Fernando Valley

Come visit us, learn more about NA literature and Enjoy some homemade

delicious cake! Sunland Park Rec. Center

8640 Fenwick Street, Sunland , 91040

MONDAY nights 7pm

Embracing Change…

By: Korelle C.

Part of growing in recovery means embracing not resisting constant change. They have a saying in the rooms that goes something like this. “You only have to change one thing…everything”. Change for most of us is something that can bring discomfort, joy, fear and pain but when embraced can bring positive growth both spiritually and emotionally. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of working the twelve steps of Narcotics Anonymous (NA) one of the main things I have learned is that nothing happens by chance. God’s in charge and everything happens for a reason. We can count on one thing and that is Change! It is constant and can’t be avoided. It is how we choose to embrace it and react to it that is key.

When we decide to get out of our comfort zone and face change with love and compassion for ourselves along with courage, integ-rity and willingness, the most outstanding things happen. We boost our self-esteem, we gain more confidence, and we continue to change into the best version of ourselves and be in line with our higher power’s will for us. It’s the same when we put in the footwork towards working on ourselves through step work versus being com-placent in our recovery. Procrastination, denial, isolation, blame, shame and guilt are the underlying factors of our disease and usu-ally the reasons behind a relapse or unmanageable life. So why not stand up with vengeance and be proactive and do the alterna-tive spiritually which is act in acceptance, forgiveness, and humility and rise above taking on each new challenge with excitement, grace and dignity? Why not be different, and do different? At the heart of every transformation, no matter how uncomfortable it is, there is always a lesson learned and an opportunity for growth and even greatness no matter how small the task or change is.

Pain is inevitable just like change, but misery is optional. Some changes are very painful especially if it is a death, a relapse, or something we did that isn’t in line with spiritual principles where we have regret or shame. Life on life’s terms continues to show up. We get kicked down, we pick ourselves up again and walk away better for it. For every experience, there is a lesson. The key is to learn and do better next time.

When we stop resisting change, and start embracing it as an op-portunity for growth, we find that we are capable of anything. This makes us powerful human beings. This makes us courageous. This makes us unstoppable and unbreakable because of the tools we gain by dealing with constant change and an ever evolving life. Sometimes when I speak or lead a meeting one of the things I share is that recovery has made me feel powerful and that by hav-ing the twelve steps of NA and this miraculous program is like hav-ing a secret weapon in life. This is something that the outside world doesn’t get. We also have a troop of warriors on our side with of like minds that understands us in a way the outside world never will. We are never alone even when we think we are - God is there with us. I am truly blessed to have found NA. All of my relationships both personally, and professionally leading down to my children’s children and beyond will benefit in a positive way from my recovery and the spiritual principles I choose to live by one day at a time.

Embrace change and be courageous; its lasting impact will always be one that is positive physically, spiritually and intellectually.

NA is the biggest 'Lost and Found' department in the world.

Addiction is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an addict. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupus... one of those two doesn't sound right.” – Mitch Hed-berg

“Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.” – Robin Williams

“Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the met-ric system.” – P.J. O'Rourke

“Experimenting with drugs is like target practice where your head is the bull’s-eye.” – Michael Josephson

FREAK Have you ever felt alone, unwanted, rejected, isolated, lonely? Have you ever been judged, misunderstood, criticized, teased, made fun of, ridiculed? Do you ever feel alienated, ostracized, left out, excluded, not part of, simply undesirable?... The freak, the outcast, the black sheep, the one who just does’t be-long?... Know that you’re not alone. I wrote this recently in the dark depths of those very feelings. Con-sumed by the negative words of others, wounded by their actions. Suffocating and struggling to break free. No matter how hard I tried to understand it all, it felt like the world was telling me that I didn't be-long, and I never would. It’s hard to stay positive when there’s rumors circulating about you, when every characteristic and action of yours has been verbally torn to shreds. But I’ve come to realize, you only give them power if you choose to... This goes out to all my fellow freaks, outcasts, and black sheep, from me, with love. <3. To all my haters and bullies, the ones who pushed me to fight and made me who I am today, stronger than ever, my sympathy is with you. ——— They don’t pick on you because you’re weak, inferior, insignificant or less than, like they want to make you believe. It’s because they see you as a threat. They see something in you, an inner light, an inner beauty, an inner strength, that they find intimidating and threatening. “People fear what they don't understand and hate what they can't conquer.” It does not matter what they think or say about you, only what you think, believe, know about yourself. Others will try to bring you down, steal your light, and hinder your success... mainly because they dis-like and don’t believe in themselves. They find relief in seeing another person feel as badly as they do. Misery loves company and people suffering in HELL don’t want to be all alone. What others say about you says more about them than it does you. It’s simply a shallow projection of their own insecurities, jealousy, or an obvious reflection of their desperate attempt to fit in because they themselves feel like an outsider. As long as they put someone else down, they deflect the attention off themselves, feel part of “the crowd”, and temporarily feel better about themselves. When you find yourself stressing out and riddling your mind with wor-ries of “what’s wrong with me”, realize there’s nothing to figure out. The problem doesn’t lie within you, it never did, it rests upon them. Once you see that, and rule with love and compassion in your heart, your warped perception will change. Instead of feeling hatred, resent-ment, or self pity, (which will only tear you apart), you can move on, forgive, and emphasize with them. (At least try to for your own sake and sanity.) Keep in mind, “hurt people hurt people.” Care less about your reputation and more about your character, they can’t take that away from you. Don’t become sad like them and refuse the temptation to perpetuate their ignorance and vicious cycle of self hatred, pain, and hurting oth-ers. And if you must “execute your vengeance”, the absolute best revenge is succeeding. ;) Remain positive and NEVER let them dim your light. <3 May your light shine bright and your rebel freak flag wave proudly. Always remember, it’s better to stand out than to fit in! ;) With love, Marilisa

“I've never had a problem with drugs. I've had problems with the po-lice.” – Keith Richards

“People are saying that I'm an addict, and that's not true, because I only use when I work, and I'm a workaholic.” – Author Unknown

“The other day they asked me about mandatory drug testing. I said I believed in drug testing a long time ago. All through the sixties I tested everything.” – Bill Lee

“I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose. “– Author Unknown

Page Three

SHE JUST WANTED TO BE THE BEST VERSION OF HERSELF by Julie D.

The project she has been working on for years has collapsed, (this was her ‘last chance’ in her mind to resuscitate her filmmaking career) and she had been on a two month high with this charming financier who promised her everything, the chance to have the career she’d worked so hard for and dreamed even harder… and unexpectedly, he betrayed her, tries to take the project away from her – her husband blames her for her blind trust and recklessness, and she is crushed, she can’t get out of the dark, exhausted from the fight, the push, the demands of having it all or at least trying to and failing at everything. She’s the ultimate failure not because she’s been knocked down, which has happened many times before, but be-cause this time she can’t get back up. Depressed, overwhelmed, desperate, sleeping all day, unable to summon the strength to even make dinner or help her son with his homework let alone write, she goes to her doctor and is given RX for Adderall. She’s never taken drugs and doesn’t realize it’s essen-tially speed, amphetamine. But if she did know, would it even have mattered? Because all of a sudden, life is better, she is ‘saved’, the chemical surge in energy and confidence enables her get back up from her fall and make things happen -- to get big job, make things happen, lose weight, be a better wife and mother. It’s too good to be true … because it is. Like a psychotic boyfriend, the once loyal, loving RX turns on her…She needs more and more to get the same effect, and if she doesn’t take it or take enough, she’s sick and unstable. She gets scared, is crashing more often, head-aches, realizes the drug is in control of her, she’s not in control of it – never took drugs in her life – starts researching the drug, feels trapped, terrified – goes to doctors for help – nothing – has deadline, doubles dose, has psychotic break, committed 5150, gets out and immediately takes more, finishes the script – it’s rejected, the pill is no longer working, she becomes paranoid, like everybody knows her “secret” – without it, I’m nothing, I now know what the best version of me can be, and just like that, it’s gone – I wish I never took that 1st pill, that was the worst one, the 1st one -- without it, I’m nothing, I now know what the best version of me can be, and just like that, it’s gone – I wish I never took that 1st pill, that was the worst one, the 1st one – panic and dread permeated my days, especially when I woke up, desperate to get a pill into me as fast as possible so I could feel alive and OK. Having to time everything I did by when I last took a pill, I was speed’s puppet, it was my cruel and sadistic erratic master. The remedy became the poison, like so many other th ings in my life – what was good in the present became lethal in the future – the wrong men, the wrong choices all around. Pharmakon – the remedy and the poison, depending on the circumstances … Finally, when family is out of town, her oldest friend stays with her, forces her and drives her hysterical to detox -- she goes into detox, meetings – I just wanted to be the best version of me – that’s all I’ve ever wanted. To be Super Me. Speed is the perfect metaphor for life, full of highs and lows. But even more a metaphor for the creative life, filled with exhilarating highs and excruciating lows. If you want to try on the suit of manic depression, take speed everyday for a few years. You will have successfully given yourself a mental illness, congratulations. Don’t like having this mental illness, good luck – you’re in for a hell of a ride through hell. You’ll know yourself at the very worst, the deepest insecurities, self-hatred, horrible sense of meaninglessness and emptiness imagin-able. Actually unimaginable, you can’t imagine it if you have a sane mind. Speed made me go insane. What once fit me like an invisi-bility cloak was now a VISIBILITY cloak – I felt like everyone could see my madness just looking at me.

Knowing A Thing

When you know a thing, to hold that you know it, and when you do not know a thing, to allow that you do not know it: this is knowledge. -- Confucius

How is it we can hear so much better after we have worked our Steps? Does someone clean the wax out of our ears at night? We find ourselves able to listen to what people are actually saying, not just what we think they are saying. Our Program teaches us not to judge words before or after they are spoken. We leave judging to God. We try to learn from everybody, for each person we meet has knowl-edge. Knowledge has become available to us as never before. We no longer fear new ideas and opinions which are not our own. Our recovery becomes deeper each moment we open our minds to new ideas. Knowledge is freely offered. In turn, I keep myself growing and accepting the knowledge that comes my way. When I don't know something, I admit it. Knowing that I don't know is also knowledge. By: Anonymous- Book “Easy Does it” sidestep places you used drugs in and areas you scored.”

Stay active and Positive

Whoops! I’ve had a relapse by Dalton R.

If you do have a relapse it’s important to remember that support and treatment is still available. The best advice is to call your sponsor (if you have one) get to a meeting get back in touch with your local agencies or doctor (GP) as soon as possible. Most of us in NA believe in the vitality of spending more quality time reading your Basic Text, hopefully with a friend or sponsor.

Drug services and doctors are under no illusions regarding how difficult it is to stay off drugs. They will look to provide you with the help you need to overcome your drug problem regardless of how many times you have been to see them. Each time they will look at your situation, discuss your experiences of any treatment you’ve been through and look at the best way forward.

The likelihood of relapsing depends on how connected you’ve been with meetings and the fellowship of NA, what you’ve been add icted to, how long for, and what help you receive. With heroin and coke, for example, even a small relapse can trigger a return to the addiction.

That’s why it’s important to deal with core issues that have taken you towards addiction. Drugs are often the symptom of a deeper prob-lem. Giving up for good can mean sorting out a whole range of things in your life – but, again, you don’t have to face these challenges alone. Speak to your GP or local agencies about what help is on offer.

NA is a full-service organization and we believe in action. The more services you take advantage of the better off you will be and the more prepared you will be to prevent or face the, “whoops! I’ve had a relapse”.

Page Four

Page Five

No Matter What Poem

By: April G. a grateful recovering addict from Pulaski, Tennessee

6 years & 9 months ago I went to get help They all told me "You can't do it by yourself"

I was overwhelmed Wanted to say, "Shove it!" They told me to calm down And remember, "Easy does it"

I was told to get a sponsor And I was like, "Why?" I thought, "What a joke!" They said, "Work the Steps or die!"

At first I resisted All because of fear I said, "I got this" They said, "Your best thinking got you here!"

I was pretty offended But I listened anyway Worried & scared to death They said, "Just for today"

I began working the Steps And started to be healed They said this is forever And "More will be revealed"

I began to feel emotions I felt under attack They said, "The best & worst thing about recov-ery" "Is you get your feelings back" There were times I wanted to give up There were times I couldn't see I got angry when they told me, "You're right where you're supposed to be"

I stayed the course anyway Recovery seemed so far I wanted to run away But they said, "Wherever you go, there you are"

I took all of their suggestions At times I'd just smile & nod Then, life showed up They told me, "Let go and let God"

At 18 months clean Everything happened so fast I lost my job & almost lost my brother They said, "This too shall pass"

I wanted to use so badly I felt it in my gut They held my hand & told me, "Don't use no matter what"

I stayed clean through it all But I've also made mistakes But I have stayed willing To do "Whatever it takes"

I have to take suggestions To avoid being in a hearse And remember that no matter what "My recovery MUST always come

FIRST" I still keep a gratitude list I still continue to climb Sometimes it's really hard But I take it "One day at a time"

Things still make me angry At times I scream & swear But I calm myself down Saying "The Serenity Prayer"

I still hit my knees & pray My brain still has a short circuit But it's true when they say, "It works if you work it"

I haven't relapsed "YET" I have a lot of haters Sometimes it's hard to deal with But I know "It gets greater later"

Recovery has changed my life "Acceptance is the key" I've learned so much And gained serenity

I never thought it was possible I never thought I'd find A way to stay clean And gain true "peace of mind"

So, if you think it's impossible And you feel under attack Just know "We Do Recover" And "Keep Coming Back!"

Anniversaries

July

7/1/16 Taylor F. 2

7/2/89 Kimberly H 29

7/3/14 Ana C. 4

7/5/85 Albert R. 33

7/7/12 Lorraine N. 6

7/15/13 Korelle C. 5

7/11/03 Chris B. 15

7/19/98 Sandra P. 20

7/20/16 Jocelyn M.

7/21/13 BobbiJean B. 5

7/21/08 Gina R. 10

7/22/04 Mona 14

7/22/14 Sharlene R 4

7/22/06 Cindy V. 12

7/26/15 Erica G. 3

7/27/13 Kent F. 5

7/31/18 Terri B. 1

August

8/1/12 Loretta R. 6

8/2/91 Gretchen C. 27

8/5/8 Mark C. 10

8/11/04 Elisa T. 14

8/11/11 Lynne H 7

8/12/15 Julie D. 3

8/14/04 Alen B. 14

8/14/78 Bea E. 40

8/15/15 Kari N. 3

8/18/06 Stephanie R. 13

8/18/05 Anthony L. 13

8/22/09 Jed O. 9

8/30/06 Don H. 12

September

9/1/87 Vicki T. 31

9/15/14 Rachel D 4

9/16/12 Chalo 6

9/20/12 Glenn S. 6

9/24/82 Shelly S. 36

9/29/11 Carrie C. 7

9/30/07 Patty K 11

If you are not honest with yourself… you can’t be honest with anyone”-

Chalo A

Service on the Path to Recovery By Dalton R.

According to popular opinion and from what I’ve witnessed in NA, the best way to stay clean is by becoming of service. I used be-cause I was selfish and everything was about me, what I want and when I want it, the way I want it. But maybe that was just me, maybe I was the only addict in the world who in my addiction only cared about getting that next 8-ball, 16th, half a gram or empty wrapper to lick, regardless of who I let down or had to take advan-tage of to get it. Maybe none of you were ever desperate enough to scrape straws or pipes hoping for enough residue to get going again. By becoming of service, I got out of myself and learned to be a caring giving human being again.

If you are anything like I and you want to stay clean almost every meeting has service positions available for the asking. Get a meet-ing directory and call the sub-committee chairman, if you meet their clean time requirement, they will often go as far as to create a posi-tion for you. There are many sub-committees without clean time requirements, such as our own SFVNA Never Alone Newsletter or the Operations committee for the SFVANA Convention.

I believe, if we put one tenth of the effort we put into getting and using drugs into being of service, we could change the the world. Oh wait, we the addicts by working our recovery and being of ser-vice are actively changing the world. We in Narcotics Anonymous are being the positive change in the world today.

Narcotics Anonymous is a global, community-based organization with a multilingual and multicultural membership. NA was founded in 1953, and members hold nearly 67,000 meetings weekly in 139 countries today. … we strive to reach a day when every addict in the world has an opportunity to experience our message of recov-ery in his or her own language and culture. ~Narcotics Anonymous World Service statement.

Staying off drugs by Dalton R.

Quitting drugs or alcohol is only the first step. Staying off and keep-ing clean is often the more difficult part. If you’ve decided you want to kick your drugs habit, you may have to get treatment to help you deal with your addiction. However, stopping using drugs is only the start. Staying off drugs can be really difficult, particularly for sub-stances where you can develop a physical addiction, like alco-hol, heroin and benzodiazepines.

Know who your friends are

You must change when you come off drugs. You need to lose friends you use with, get rid of dealers or mates who can get drugs, and delete their telephone numbers.

A key thing is to allow people to support you through the process. Whether it’s a drugs worker, doctor, teacher, friends and sponsor in the program of NA or family members, having people you can talk to who understand the situation can be invaluable.

Those close to you can help make things easier, often just by lis-tening. You should try to stay away from social situations where you might be tempted to take drugs by planning other ways to spend your time. Your associates who don’t use drugs can help with this.

It’s a suggestion echoed by NA, who reckons it is best to go out with family and mates who don’t use and go to places where using is not easy or accepted. Also, avoid alcohol (which is a drug) as this lowers your resistance and can trigger old patterns, and side-step places you used drugs in and areas you scored.”

Stay active and Positive

Going back to using drugs, known as relapsing, can often be trig-gered when you feel depressed, lonely or bored. So, an important element of staying off drugs is keeping in a positive frame of mind and occupying your time. Regular exercise and keeping fit can im-prove your mental health as well as keep you in shape. Taking up a new hobby, getting creative or volunteering/taking a commitment in NA can help you keep busy and avoid situations where you are likely to relapse.

Freedom Behind the Walls Sub Committee

The FBTW subcommittee is in desperate need of men to be of service by sponsoring addicts incarcerated in state prison. There are currently 8 women and 7 men waiting. This commitment only takes about an hour of your time per month. Everyone can afford to give back an hour of their time especially to carry the message to the addict still suffering giving back what was so freely given to you. MEN! Please step up and take at least one. Volun-teers must be willing to work the twelve steps of N.A. with them through the mail, have a minimum of 2 years clean, and have a working knowledge of the twelve steps. It is completely anonymous and all mail is sent to a post office box. FBTW meets on the first Thursday of the month at 7 pm. For the address of the meeting or for more information please contact the chair, Scotty S. (818) 942-5576 ___________________________________________________

Whatever I Can “This is the true value of life, the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one: being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and griev-ances, complaining that the world will devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the community, and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it what I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. Life is no “brief candle” to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for a moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future gen-erations.” ~ George Bernard Shaw I found this quote in 2002, right after I discovered the therapeu-tic value in the being of Service. I ran around the prison show-ing it to everyone. I could hardly walk and friends would hold me up so I could amble the 1200 plus yards to a meeting and they would often ask, “Dale, in your condition, why do you keep mak-ing yourself go to meetings? People will understand if you don’t make it and someone will cover for you.” My answer was al-ways the same, “Dedication to commitment. I don’t make myself go. I get to go and I am honored to have friends that go out of their way to help me get there and never make me feel less than.” Being in prison, handicapped and having to depend on friends to help you get everywhere can be mighty draining emotionally, unless you have special friends who make helping you seem like an honor. Because I clung to this quote by George Bernard Shaw, I too was able to feel good about myself. Through my dedication to service, I was giving back and seeing the changes in men’s lives. I knew I was a contributing member of society. I knew that it no longer mattered that I was a crippled-up addict, doing life in prison or a convicted murderer. What mattered was: I was clean, in recovery and I learned how to be the difference right where I was. I learned the secret in that first line, “…the true value of life, the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one: being a force of nature…” Today I am free and I brought my secret out with me only to find when I meet another addict, any addict who has found his way to being of service, especially those on Area subcommittees, that my secret is no a secret at all. If you are being of service because it’s the right thing to do, you will find yourself smiling a lot more and enjoying a life that is far beyond your wildest dreams. By Dale L.

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Miracles in NA by Dale L.

On 4/22/18 I celebrated 21 years clean at the Spirit of St Joe’s Na meeting and my day was awesome. My day started with going to church in support of an awesome friend in the program Liz L. she was taking her first communion and making her holy sacraments. A first-time experience for me to see and it was in Spanish so I didn’t understand a word, but the spirit of the occasion and spending time with people in the program I love was breath taking. After the service her father invited me to join them for dinner at Los Tres Hermanos in San Fernando. There were 15 of us, 3 men and 12 women and children. The men, were not members of NA so they went and set at the bar while we waited, leaving me with the women. I soon joined them at the Bar drinking water from a Budweiser glass while they enjoyed their beers. Alcohol was my drug of choice in the 70s, but I know my triggers and I can have a good time while others drink and not be tempted or judgmental. I work my program and nobody else’s. Even the Bar tender congratulated me on 21 years clean. At the table, after dinner I was surprised as the waitress sat a giant sombrero on my head and everyone sang happy Birthday. God, I love this family. A week before my anniversary I invited a lot of people from the program to join me at The Spirit of St Joe’s meeting. Now, you would think if there was ever anyone in the program worthy of despise it would be me a convicted murderer who served 25 years in prison, but no I had peo-ple calling me saying can I bring my dad or apologizing because they couldn’t be there. People came and brought their children to support me in celebration of the NA miracle of 21 years clean. Bobby P. set next to me and took pictures, Korelle C. brought me gifts Ozzy had an amazing cake for me and Laurie M. gave me a 21-year medallion. There were so many hugs and well wishes, I was overwhelmed. From convicted mur-derer to loved and cherished is something I barely comprehend but am awed by the experience. The old me failed and let so many people down and when I tell my story people google me to see if it’s true. It is just another of the miracles of NA that people see no trace of the animal I was when I to came to NA and actually need proof to believe that was me. People came to hear my secret. How did I do it? If it’s a secret, why should I tell? Well here it is; I came to NA thinking everyone was going to be awed by me and I would fix everyone, that there would be no more need for NA. Nobody was awed and I did not have the answers to the problems of addiction. As a matter of fact, I was a person who had to be told to shut up and listen. These guys even pushed me to read and write. Next, they told me to get a sponsor and if I wanted to run off at the mouth to go do it with him. It was sad, even my fellow convicts thought I wasn’t worth listening to when it came to the topic of recovery. Almost everyone in the rooms were Lifers/murderers and they didn’t want to hear my story of how tough or smart I was. they wanted to know that I had delved into who I was, what led to me becoming that person and what I was doing to become the person I always should have been. I had a lot of writing to do! The first miracle was I kept coming to NA even after having it crammed down my throat that I wasn’t the savior of NA, I couldn’t rewrite the Ba-sic Text and no I wasn’t ready to be the president of the World Service Office of NA. Didn’t they know that I had worked for years as the lead clerk in the Psych department at my last prison, I was practically a psy-chiatrist? Didn’t they know how smart I thought I was? The next miracle was I learned to care about others in and out of the program and started being of service because it was the right thing to do instead of doing it for recognition. The more I became involved in service the better I became spiritually, mentally and physically. Addic-tion is a biopcychosocial disorder so it affects you physically, mentally and socially. By being of service I learned to address each aspect of the disorder without even realizing I was doing it. Service itself, is a miracle of NA. The next big miracle was that I was released from prison, continued in NA with a sponsor and have found a home where I am loved, respected and cherished. I still have people calling me on my crap, I still screw up, have very limited income and constantly doubt myself, but through NA I face life on life’s terms without the use of drugs.

The Alphabet of Addiction & Recovery Poem By: April G. a grateful recovering addict from Pulaski, Tennessee.

Addiction At first it feels great But that quickly changes Choice turns into necessity Dealing with life rearranges Every day becomes the same Fighting for that high Going to the grave slowly Hoping that you'll die It engulfs your entire being Just like a wild fire Kicking, screaming, fighting Lifting higher & higher Months turn into years Nobody by your side Overcoming it seems impossible Powerless, it's your guide Quitting gets harder & harder Running away does no good Screaming for God to help you Thinking He never would Unless you get help Victory will never come Worn out, shaking, scared eXisting to just be numb You have 2 choices God will give Zone out & die or get help & live! Recovery At first it's hard to do But you do it anyway Crying, shaking, scared Don't know what to say Each day gets better & better Feelings begin to return God actually heard your cries Here's your chance to learn It's a life-long process Just for today we learn to live Kneeling down in prayer Learning how to give Many fears we have to face No longer bound in chains Open-minded, honest, willing Peace of mind instead of shame Quitting was my choice Recovery is a gift Some people actually love me The burdens begin to lift Under God's grace I am saved Victory is now in sight With help, I've overcome it an eXample of His might You, too, can be set free Zero in on recovery!

There is a huge difference between want-

ing to change and being willing to change. Almost everyone wants to change for the

better. Very few are willing to take the

steps necessary to create that change. ~Unknown

Page Seven

There is a Solution by Deborah B.

In truth if I believe in reality, I must live in reality. If I reject truth, I reject my existence. Drugs helped me to avoid the truth about myself. I enjoyed the fan-tasy life so much I was willing to die. I could not find a way out.

What was this 12 step program people were talking about. Should I go to meetings and see what the 12 steps is all about? Maybe these folks had found a way to use successfully. If they could do it, so could I. After all, I didn’t use that much. I am not a real addict!

However, after I started to go to meetings, I discovered that I was in

fact an addict. Now and then I have been given a glimpse of God’s kingdom. I have seen Self… Searching I gain new vision, action and grace to bear upon the dark side of my nature.

Step 11 is the development of humility that has made it possible for me to accept God’s help. Yet, it is only a step. I need and want to go farther. I want the good in me to flower and grow. I have fresh air and food but, first of all I need sunlight because nothing grows in dark-ness.

“An addict, any addict, can stop using drugs, lose the desire to use, and find a new way to live. Our message is hope and the promise of freedom.” Basic Text, page 65.

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