Embed Size (px)
Citation preview
TUTENSTEIN
"Night of the Living Spa"
(spec script)
TELEPLAY
Written by
Melinda Layden
LOG LINE: Cleo's mom is courting a new client, who insists on bonding through a Mother-Daughter Spa Day. But when Cleo complaints to Tut that she other plans, he isn't listening and summons Tefnut, goddess of mists and moisture, to build Cleo a spa. Tut's arrogance and unreasonable demands offend Tefnut, who reverts to her older, more dangerous aspect: a giant lioness who spits melting venom like a cobra. As Tut defends everyone he holds dear, he must learn that the best way to be a friend is to listen and apologize when he is wrong.
December 12,2016
TUTENSTEIN
"Night of the Living Spa"(12-10-16)
CAST LIST
TUTENSTEIN
CLEO
CLEO'S MOM - IRIS CARTER
LUXOR
WALTER JACOBS, SECURITY GUARD
GUEST CHARACTERS
GENTLE TEFNUT The goddess of mists and moisture. Gentle Tefnut is a human-sized female figure with the face of a lioness. She wears a form-fitting, ankle-length blue gown. A golden collar stretches from shoulder, laying across her chest and back. Above her head, two stylized horns frame a red solar disk. Thick black hair falls to her shoulders. Gentle Tefnut is kind and polite.
VICIOUS TEFNUT As her name suggests, Vicious Tefnut is the aspect of the goddess that emerges after Tut's blundering offends her. She is a lioness twice as tall on all fours as Tut or Cleo are on two. Vicious Tefnut has black, cruel claws. Curling horns frame a flaming red ball, which flares with fire when Vicious Tefnut is annoyed. On either side of the goddess's lioness face are a cobra-like red hood, and her canine teeth are exaggerated like the fangs of a serpent.
POSSESSED LUXOR and POSSESSED JACOBS After Tefnut bespells them, Luxor and Jacobs have glowing blue eyes and long canine teeth like a cobra.
ii.
TUTENSTEIN“Night of the Living Spa”
(by Melinda Layden: 12/12/16)
TEASER
FADE IN:
INT. CLEO’S ROOM - DAY
On Cleo’s computer monitor is a virtual poster: “SKATEBOARDING CHAMPIONSHIP SATURDAY!”
LUXOR perches on the chair by CLEO’s shoulder.
LUXORI take it Jake will be competing?
Cleo’s PRINTER spits out a copy of the poster.
CLEO (O.C.)And I will be there to cheer him on.
Grinning, Cleo grabs the poster. Hugs it to her chest.
CLEO (CONT’D)<lovestruck sigh>He’ll be so happy.
LUXORHow will you be able to tell?
Cleo gives Luxor a “shut up” look.
IRIS CARTER bursts into her daughter’s room
IRISI just can’t wait!
CLEOI know, right?
Cleo’s enthusiasm fades instantly.
CLEO (CONT’D)Wait. What?
Iris slaps a shiny brochure into Cleo’s free hand. (The Skateboarding poster is still in Cleo’s other hand.)
IRISYou’re going to be perfect!
Cleo carefully sets the poster aside. Opens the brochure.
CLEO(reading)
“Peaceful Dream-Thoughts Spa?”
Iris claps her hands, excited.
IRISMy biggest client yet wants to bond over a Mother-Daughter Spa Day. So of course I signed us up.
Cleo, dumbstruck, drops the brochure. She grabs the Skateboarding poster. Waves it to get attention.
CLEOBut, Mom! Jake--
IRISSo you’ll need to be up bright and early--
Cleo’s face and arm fall. She knows she’s lost.
CLEOLet me guess--
Cleo sits, chin in hand. Iris’s arms are spread wide in delight.
IRIS/CLEOTomorrow morning.
INT. THE ANCIENT EGYPTIAN ROOM - DAY
LUXOR and TUT-ANKH-EN-SET-AMUN sit on opposite sides of the SENNET BOARD, engrossed in their game.
Beside them, CLEO paces, mid-rant.
CLEOAnd then I’m like, “Mom, you don’t know how much this Skateboarding Championship means to me.” And she’s all like, “You don’t know how much this client means to me.” And then she tries to bribe me with a stuffed animal. A. Stuffed. Animal.
2.
Cleo folds her arms, petulant.
CLEO (CONT’D)I’m not five years old anymore. And I hate pink.
Tut moves a piece and rolls the dice. They fall on a six.
Tut changes the six to a five.
Luxor rolls his eyes but doesn’t object to Tut’s cheating.
Cleo SLAMS her palms down on the edge of the sennet board.
CLEO (CONT’D)You’re not listening either!
Wrongly sensing his cue, Tut sweeps to his feet, every inch the Pharaoh. He brandishes the Scepter of Was.
TUTThe Pharaoh is moved by your plight, whatever it is, and will right this wrong.
(in booming tones)Oh Tefnut, goddess of mists and moisture, come forth to serve. Pharaoh calls you.
Cleo falls back as a human-shaped shadow begins to materialize before Tut’s sarcophagus.
Cleo raises a defensive arm, a look of open-mouthed fear on her face.
FADE OUT.
END TEASER
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
INT. THE ANCIENT EGYPTIAN ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
GENTLE TEFNUT appears before Tut’s SARCOPHAGUS, a human-sized figure with the face of a lioness. She wears a form-fitting blue gown with a golden collar that stretches from shoulder to shoulder, laying across her chest and back. Above her head, two stylized horns frame a red solar disc. Thick black hair falls to her shoulders. Gentle Tefnut’s lioness face spreads into a smile.
3.
GENTLE TEFNUTThe goddess hears your call, oh mighty Pharaoh. What is your will?
TUT looks satisfied. CLEO catches his arm.
CLEOTut, what are you doing?
Tut raises an annoyed eyebrow at the interruption.
TUTI am making a gesture of friendship, for I have heard your plight and am moved. Pay attention.
Gentle Tefnut tilts her lioness head, interested.
Tut steps forward, all arrogance.
TUT (CONT’D)I command you, oh Tefnut, to make for my friend Cleo the most steaming of baths. The most luxurious of spas. Build endless rooms pouring with healthful steam!
Cleo’s eyebrows knit in annoyance.
CLEOI know you did not just summon this goddess to build me a spa.
Gentle Tefnut’s lion tail sticks out from the hem of her gown. It begins to lash. The lioness smile has sharper teeth than it did a moment ago.
GENTLE TEFNUTI am no builder, oh Pharaoh. Have you no servants to move the stones?
Tut waves a dismissive hand at Gentle Tefnut.
TUTI have called on you. Now run along and do as the Pharaoh commands.
Cleo, concern on her face, tugs at Tut’s arm.
CLEOTut! I don’t want a spa.
4.
TUTNonsense. Everyone wants a spa. My mother the queen adored spas.
(to Tefnut)Build me a spa, Tefnut! Obey, for Pharaoh demands your obedience!
Gentle Tefnut’s lioness grin becomes toothier and toothier. She hunkers down. Her gown tears along the spine. Golden fur of a lioness replaces human skin.
Luxor runs and hides behind Cleo’s legs.
Cleo pulls harder on Tut’s arm.
CLEOTut!
Tut shakes off Cleo’s hand.
TUTJust wait. She gathers her power in preparation to serve me.
In a burst of WHITE STEAM, FURIOUS TEFNUT emerges. Now fully a lioness, Furious Tefnut ROARS. She is twice as tall on all fours as Cleo is on two feet. Furious Tefnut’s claws, black and cruel, extend and SCRAPE the floor. Curling horns frame a flaming red ball that CRACKLES with menace.
Luxor cowers behind Cleo’s ankles.
LUXORAnother Sekhmet?
On either side of Furious Tefnut’s lioness face, the red hood of a cobra unfolds. Her canine teeth lengthen, exaggerating until they’re more like the fangs of a serpent. The tips of each canine drip red poison. When the drops fall, they SIZZLE, scorching the floor.
Cleo and Luxor’s faces wear matching looks of horror.
CLEOWorse. This is worse!
Furious Tefnut exhales. A RED FOG blasts towards Cleo, Luxor, and Tut.
Cleo, Tut, and Luxor scatter. Behind them, a tapestry smoulders and melts.
Luxor and Cleo cower by a wall.
5.
LUXORShe breathes acid?
Cleo, one eye on Furious Tefnut, quickly searches on her Blackberry.
CLEOThis says poison. It doesn’t say anything about melting the walls. Tut! What did you do?
Tut looks wounded.
TUTMe? I just--
Tail lashing, Furious Tefnut pads forward as she speaks.
FURIOUS TEFNUT--called and then insulted us. Apologize and beg our forgiveness, Unworthy One, or feel our wrath!
Tut stands tall. Brandishes the Scepter of Was.
TUTThe Pharaoh bows to no one. You disobeyed me. Me, All That Is!
FURIOUS TEFNUT(correcting him)
All that was.
Furious Tefnut exhales another RED FOG. Cleo pulls Tut out of harm’s way.
In his haste, Tut drops the Scepter of Was. It skitters across the floor and behind a trash can.
TUTLuxor!
Luxor nopes his way out into the hall and runs like the devil herself is chasing him.
FURIOUS TEFNUT<roars>
Furious Tefnut charges Tut.
Cleo shoves Tut ahead of her.
CLEORun, Mummy Boy!
6.
INT. MUSEUM, VARIOUS HALLWAYS - NIGHT
Tut and Cleo catch up to Luxor, who is still running.
Furious Tefnut pursues them.
FURIOUS TEFNUT<roaring>
Cleo dodges. Furious Tefnut pounces that same spot.
Luxor runs and hides in a display of Inuit people, pretending to be one of the sled dogs.
Furious Tefnut sniffs him, fangs slavering red poison.
The poison melts the sled dog near Luxor. He stays frozen in place, face a rictus of feigned barking.
DOWN THE HALL
TUT pulls up, angry.
TUTBehave yourself, goddess! Do not--
Cleo pulls Tut around a corner.
CLEOTut! Some of us are mortal. Now would you please go out and apologize to Tefnut before she destroys the whole museum?
TUTApologize? For what?
CLEOBeing rude? Not listening? Pick one.
AT THE INUIT DISPLAY
FURIOUS TEFNUT scents the air.
FURIOUS TEFNUTYour friend is wiser than you, Most Insolent of Pharaohs.
DOWN THE HALL
Hapless of his own danger, TUT steps out where Furious Tefnut can see him.
7.
TUTYou keep out of this!
CLEO leans back and bangs her head on the wall, in disbelief at Tut’s cluelessness.
AT THE INUIT DISPLAY
FURIOUS TEFNUT charges down the hall toward Tut and Cleo.
TUT/CLEO<startled screams>
Tut and Cleo turn and run.
After Furious Tefnut pounds past, Luxor collapses in relief, and then sneaks away.
LUXORI’m going to regret keeping up with them. I just know it.
INT. MUSEUM, HALL OF MASKS - NIGHT
Tut and Cleo hide behind a kiosk display.
TUT(whispering)
I don’t see how this is my fault. My commands were reasonable.
CLEOAre you--
Cleo catches herself.
CLEO (CONT’D)(whispering)
I didn’t want to go with my mom, I don’t want Tefnut to make me a spa and I definitely don’t want Simba’s poison-spitting mom out there.
Twin globs of red poison land in front of Tut and Cleo. Startled, they look up.
Furious Tefnut grins evilly, looming above them.
AT THE DOOR
LUXOR peers in with trepidation.
8.
LUXOR(whispering)
Your Eminence? Cleo?
AT THE DISPLAY
When Furious Tefnut looks again, Cleo and Tut are gone.
FURIOUS TEFNUTYou will kneel!
AT THE DOOR
Cleo scoops up Luxor as she and Tut run.
TUTHead for the basement. We’ll barricade the door.
LUXORExcellent notion, Your Hastiness.
Spots of melting red poison chase them out.
INT. MUSEUM, BASEMENT - NIGHT
Cleo Luxor, and Tut burst through the door. Tut slams it shut. Cleo locks it.
Tut and Cleo move a huge cabinet in front of the door.
Luxor falls into a heap, panting in relief.
Tut puts his hands on hips.
TUTThis is unacceptable. If Tefnut will not see reason, I will banish her and make things right.
Luxor groggily pops his head up.
LUXORNot to impede your resolve, Your Eminence, but don’t you need the Scepter of Was?
TUTGood point.
Smiling, Tut holds out an expectant hand.
9.
TUT (CONT’D)You may present it to me.
Luxor’s ears fall. He cowers a little. (The Scepter of Was is still upstairs, behind the trash can.)
Cleo steps between Tut and Luxor, protective of her cat.
CLEOLuxor didn’t have time to grab it while we were running for our lives. Or did you forget that part?
TUTThis is still a poor excuse.
CLEOYou’re still Pharaoh, right? Do an incantation to send Tefnut back.
Tut considers this, and then spreads his arms wide.
TUT(in booming tones)
“Get back! Retreat! Get back, you dangerous one! Do not come against me, do not live by my magic; may I not have to tell this name of yours to the Great God who sent you!”
Cleo facepalms.
CLEOThat’s the banishing spell for crocodiles, Tut.
TUTCrocodiles, cobras. Same difference. Tefnut won’t even notice.
The walls tremble with Furious Tefnut’s ROAR OF RAGE.
Luxor cowers beneath a worktable.
LUXORI think she noticed, Your Presumptuousness.
Furious Tefnut’s voice echoes through the ductwork and out a VENT NEAR THE CEILING.
10.
FURIOUS TEFNUT (O.S.)Hear us, Most Insolent of Pharaohs! We are no scaly worm that crawls the Nile. We are the breath of life. Your domain is now ours. Before this night is through, you shall kneel and beg our forgiveness!
TUT shakes a defiant fist at the vent.
TUTThat will never happen.
Cleo punches Tut’s arm with a warning look.
TUT (CONT’D)(amending himself)
That will not happen until later.
CLEOBetter. Now what?
Tut rubs his chin, thinking. Snaps his fingers as an idea occurs to him.
TUTLuxor, you will go and reason with Tefnut, feline to feline.
Luxor’s mouth falls open in horror.
Cleo looks similarly aghast.
CLEONow you’re throwing my cat at her? How is this even close to “hearing my plight”?
TUTTefnut is a lioness. Luxor is a cat. They are practically the same.
CLEO<sputters incoherent disbelief>
TUTMoreover, Luxor is very polite, and Tefnut seems to like politeness, so no harm shall come to him. There. I have solved everything.
Cleo looks at Luxor, beseeching.
11.
Luxor looks down, defeated.
LUXOR(without enthusiasm)
He is the Pharaoh.
Cleo glances around. Grabs a box. Tears it apart. Snatches tape and string and mailing envelopes. Advances on Luxor.
Cleo’s shadow falls on an alarmed Luxor.
Tut, watching at a distance, tilts his head in confusion.
TUTI do not understand any of this.
Cleo dusts her hands, satisfied.
Luxor now stands in jury-rigged “armor”. And bubble wrap.
LUXOR<long-suffering sigh>
TUTThat is ridiculous.
CLEOSo is your quest.
(to Luxor)How does it feel?
LUXORIt’ll have to do.
Luxor pads clumsily to the door, armor RATTLING.
LUXOR (CONT’D)<swallows hard>
Tut shoves the cabinet out of the way. Cleo unlocks the door.
Luxor clumsily pads out.
Cleo jerks her head at Tut in a “come on” move.
Tut hesitates, fidgeting.
CLEOWe’re not abandoning my cat to get splatted by poison. We’ll watch from a distance and grab him if Tefnut reacts badly.
Tut smiles crookedly, trying to be winsome.
12.
Cleo’s eyes harden.
Grumpy, Tut stomps through the door, Cleo following.
INT. THE ANCIENT EGYPTIAN ROOM - NIGHT
Luxor, trembling, peers in.
LUXORUm. Tefnut?
Luxor creeps into the room by the pyramid doors. Awkward in his cardboard and bubble wrap “armor”.
LUXOR (CONT’D)Oh Mighty One? Goddess of mists and not spitting horrible, burning acid? I humbly crave a word.
Furious Tefnut’s LAUGHTER booms through the room.
Luxor cowers. His shaking makes the cardboard RATTLE. A bit of the bubble wrap POPS, startling him.
The doors of the pyramid CLATTER open. Furious Tefnut strides forward on a carpet of white mist.
Luxor scrambles backward. Trips over his cardboard foot protectors. Sprawls.
Furious Tefnut peers down at a terrified Luxor, who is barely the size of one of her paws.
FURIOUS TEFNUTPoor little kitten.
With one paw, Furious Tefnut picks Luxor up by the scruff of the neck. Shakes him gently. All the cardboard bits fly off.
Furious Tefnut gently breathes a blue mist into Luxor’s face. But this doesn’t melt or burn Luxor. Instead, his face relaxes into a worshipful stupor. His eyes glow unearthly blue as Tefnut’s charm takes hold of him.
LUXORAll hail Tefnut! Most Glorious of all cats! We serve only you!
END ACT ONE
13.
ACT TWO
INT. HALLWAY/ THE ANCIENT EGYPTIAN ROOM - SAME
IN THE HALLWAY
Tut stomps around, too furious to speak.
Cleo watches, horrified, as
AT THE PYRAMID GATES
Tefnut heads back toward the open gates.
Luxor pads at her side, adoration in his glowing blue eyes.
IN THE HALLWAY
CLEOShe can’t do that.
Tut waves his arms, spitting mad.
TUTShe did do that. And now she has my stuff and my servant and...<continues ranting in background>
Cleo’s cell phone RINGS.
CLEOHello?
IRIS (O.S.)Honey, where are you? The spa starts bright and early tomorrow.
Cleo rolls her eyes at the interruption.
CLEOMom. Look. I’ll be there, but I’m kind of busy right now.
IRIS (O.S.)Busy with what? You sound stressed.
CLEO(lying)
Me? Stressed. No, I’m fine. Don’t be silly.
CLOSE UP on Furious Tefnut’s mouth with its fangs.
14.
FURIOUS TEFNUT (O.S.)Come and get us, Little Pretender. We still wait to see you kneel.
IN THE HALLWAY
Tut goes still with absolute fury.
TUTPretender! You take that back!
Cleo shields the cell phone with one hand.
IRIS (O.S.)Are you at the movies or something?
Relief clears Cleo’s face.
CLEOYes. A movie. Definitely a movie.
Furious Tefnut’s LAUGHTER rings through the halls.
CLEO (CONT’D)And wow, aren’t those special effects amazing?
TUT<roar of rage>
Tut runs into the other room, attacking.
IRIS (O.S.)You’re at the museum.
Tut runs back out of the room, bandages smouldering. One end of his bandages is on fire.
TUT<shouting in alarm>
CLEOMuseum? No. Of course not.
IRIS (O.S.)That’s it. Something’s wrong at the museum. I’ll be right there.
CLEONo! Mom! Wait!
It’s too late. A DIAL TONE is the only response.
Cleo shoves the phone in her pocket.
15.
CLEO (CONT’D)Tut! We’ve got problems.
Tut rolls on the floor, trying to extinguish his bandages.
TUT<grunting>A little help here.
Cleo steps on Tut’s bandage end, putting it out.
CLEOMy mom’s on her way over.
Tut, still smoking a little, stands.
TUTWhy would you invite her?
CLEOI didn’t invite her any more than you invited...
Cleo flicks her eyes toward the other room where Tefnut is.
TUTThat monster was never what I intended.
Tut almost trips over LUXOR, who has crept in.
Luxor’s eyes are eerie blue, his expression the cool calm of a true believer. He sits primly.
TUT (CONT’D)Your cat is creepy.
CLEOThat’s not my cat anymore.
(under her breath)No thanks to you.
LUXOR(menacing)
Are you ready to kneel, Oh Presumptuous Ingrate?
TUTYou will tell Tefnut I will never do as she wishes. And that she must leave my museum at once.
16.
Luxor begins to LAUGH evilly. His LAUGH twines with Furious Tefnut’s as she lurks in the archway that separates the room from the hallway.
TUT (CONT’D)<swallows hard>You misunderstand. I only wanted to help my friend.
Tut gestures vaguely at Cleo.
CLEOA friend wouldn’t blame me!
Luxor’s incisors lengthen until they are the exaggerated fangs of a cobra. His claws extend, black and cruel. His fur bristles. He is now FURIOUS LUXOR.
The burning ball above Tefnut’s head CRACKLES and SPITS.
FURIOUS LUXOR/FURIOUS TEFNUTFriend?
Cleo, horrified afresh, falls back.
As one, Furious Luxor and Furious Tefnut crouch, preparing to pounce.
FURIOUS LUXOR/FURIOUS TEFNUT (CONT’D)You have no friends.
Furious Tefnut and Furious Luxor spring.
Tut dodges Furious Tefnut. Runs one way.
Cleo dodges Furious Luxor. Runs the opposite way as Tut.
INT. MUSEUM, ENTRY HALL - MOMENTS LATER
Cleo runs down the stairs, pursued by Furious Luxor.
CLEO<shrieking>
INT. SECURITY GUARD WORKSTATION - SAME
WALTER JACOBS is about to bite into a sandwich.
ON THE SECURITY MONITOR Luxor chases Cleo.
JACOBSHuh?
17.
Jacobs leans forward, squinting at the monitor.
JACOBS (CONT’D)Is this from Halloween? I hope it’s from Halloween. <nervous laugh>
PANTING, CLEO runs around the desk. Yanks Jacobs down. The sandwich is abandoned on its plate.
UNDER THE DESK
Both Cleo and Jacobs squish into the space below the desk. Cleo puts a hand over Jacobs’s mouth. Motions for silence with a finger on her lips.
ON THE DESK
FURIOUS LUXOR, eyes glowing blue, leaps up on the desk. Looks around, bristling tail lashing.
LUXOR(sinister)
Come out, come out, wherever you are.
UNDER THE DESK
Cleo covers her own mouth with her other hand.
ON THE DESK
Furious Luxor pads around, scenting the air.
LUXOR (CONT’D)Just cooperate and we won’t have to get nasty.
UNDER THE DESK
Jacobs, now really freaked out, shakes uncontrollably.
ON THE DESK
The desk trembles under Furious Luxor’s paws. He grins, triumphant. Leaps down to face Cleo and Jacobs in their tight hidey hole.
JACOBS(muffled by Cleo’s hand)
What is that?!
LUXOROur mistress wishes to see you.
18.
Luxor draws a deep breath.
Cleo, sensing danger, flails to get out of the tight space.
Jacobs freaks out, scrambling out from under the desk. By accident, one of his feet connects with Furious Luxor.
Furious Luxor goes flying.
CLEOLuxor!
JACOBSCobra cat! Possessed pet! I’m outta here!
Cleo gets to her feet.
CLEOWalter! Wait!
Jacobs flees.
INT. MUSEUM, ENTRY HALL/SECURITY GUARD WORKSTATION - SAME
AT THE STAIRS
Furious Tefnut leaps down in two bounds to land in front of Jacobs.
Jacobs pulls up short, terror on his face; his nightmare stands before him.
JACOBS<incoherent babble>
Furious Tefnut looms over a petrified Jacobs. Breathes blue most in his face.
AT THE DESK
Cleo pounds the desk, helpless.
CLEONo no no no!
IN FRONT OF THE STAIRS
Jacobs’s face relaxes into simpering joy.
JACOBSAll hail Tefnut, mightiest of all lions!
19.
Triumphant, Furious Tefnut looks up.
AT THE DESK
The desk is abandoned; Cleo is already gone.
IN FRONT OF THE STAIRS
The burning ball above Furious Tefnut’s head flares in rage. Furious Luxor joins her.
LUXOR<hissing>
LUXOR/FURIOUS TEFNUTWe will flank her. She will bring us The Pretender.
Jacobs’s eyes are eerie blue.
JACOBSWe will make them kneel.
Furious Tefnut, Furious Luxor, and Jacobs move at the same time. Furious Luxor heads toward the corridor on the right, Jacobs toward the corridor on the left, and Furious Tefnut through a third door.
I/E. THE MUSEUM - NIGHT
OUTSIDE, AT A SIDE ENTRANCE
IRIS pulls on a door handle. It’s locked. She peers in, POUNDING on the door.
INSIDE, AT THE SAME SIDE ENTRANCE
Jacobs is now FURIOUS JACOBS. His hair is bushy and wild. His eyes are blue. His incisors have extended into cobra-like fangs. He wipes drooling fangs on his sleeve and shines his flashlight at the door.
Through the door, we see Iris squint at the sudden light.
IRIS(muffled by the door)
Security? Is that you?
JACOBSMother of Cleo, our prey.
Iris blocks the light with one forearm.
20.
IRISWhat? Can you point that light away, please? I can’t see.
Furious Jacobs unlocks the door.
Iris almost falls through it in her haste.
IRIS (CONT’D)Cleo sounded weird. Are you showing a movie? The special... effects...
As Furious Jacobs lowers the flashlight, Iris can see him for the first time.
Furious Jacobs advances, creepy and shambling.
JACOBSWe crave a word with you.
Iris draws back, eyes wide. Her voice has the calm useful for problem clients or monsters that shouldn’t exist.
IRIS“We” meaning you and Cleo?
JACOBS<hissing>
Furious Jacobs makes a grab for Iris. Fortunately, he’s still a klutz, even when possessed.
Iris dodges and lands a solid kick to Furious Jacobs’s hind end. He goes sprawling.
IRISNo wonder Cleo sounded weird.
Iris hurries away, dialing her phone as she trots.
INT. MUSEUM, BATHROOM - NIGHT
IN A BATHROOM STALL
Cleo perches on a toilet, trying not to fall in. She frantically searches her Blackberry for information.
CLEO(whispering to herself)
Tefnut. Tefnut. Why aren’t you in here more? No protection charms or banishing spells.
21.
Cleo’s cell phone rings. She juggles it and the Blackberry, narrowly avoiding dropping both in the toilet. She squints at the caller ID. Rolls her eyes.
CLEO (CONT’D)(whispering)
Mom, this is so not a good time.
IRIS (O.S.)What is wrong with that security guard man?
Cleo jumps down from her perch, ready to run to a rescue.
CLEOHe didn’t breathe on you, did he?
IRIS (O.S.)No. I don’t think so but OH MY-- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR CAT?!
Cleo bursts out the door to the stall.
CLEOWhere are you?
IRIS (O.S.)Egyptian--
The line goes dead.
Cleo is all determination. She pockets the phone. Runs out.
INT. MUSEUM CORRIDORS - MOMENTS LATER
Cleo pauses at a FIRE EXTINGUISHER. Frees it from the wall. Runs as fast as she can, lugging the extinguisher.
CLEOTime to put out Tefnut’s fire.
END ACT TWO
ACT THREE
INT. THE ANCIENT EGYPTIAN ROOM - NIGHT
As CLEO runs in, IRIS runs past her, chased by FURIOUS LUXOR.
Cleo blasts Furious Luxor with the fire extinguisher.
22.
LUXOR<hissing>
He retreats, shaking himself, and then turns and runs out into the corridor.
Iris, wide-eyed, stands behind Cleo, not quite hiding, but clearly unnerved.
CLEOHe’ll be back.
IRISWhat happened to him?
Cleo hands Iris the fire extinguisher. Goes to the SARCOPHAGUS. Shoves the lid open.
CLEOHide in here.
IRISWhat? Cleo, this is a display in a museum!
CLEOIt’s also the only safe place.
Cleo sets a hand on her mother’s arm.
CLEO (CONT’D)Please, Mom.
Iris and Cleo have a brief exchange of looks. Then Iris nods, acquiescing.
Iris hands Cleo the fire extinguisher, and then gets into Tut’s sarcophagus.
CLEO (CONT’D)Keep your phone close and wait.
IRISFor what?
Cleo doesn’t answer. Iris hugs her phone to her chest as Cleo slides the sarcophagus closed.
Furious Tefnut’s LAUGHTER, echoed by Furious Luxor and Furious Jacobs, invades the room.
FURIOUS TEFNUT, flanked by FURIOUS JACOBS and FURIOUS LUXOR, strides into the room on a carpet of mist.
23.
Cleo, back to the sarcophagus, brandishes the fire extinguisher, determined.
FURIOUS TEFNUTNow what do you have there?
CLEOCome closer and I’ll show you.
FURIOUS TEFNUTWhere is The Pretender?
CLEOI don’t know.
FURIOUS TEFNUTWould you tell us if you did know?
CLEOProbably not.
Furious Tefnut leaps.
As soon as Furious Tefnut lands, Cleo blasts the fire extinguisher.
Fire retardant foam hits the blazing ball about Furious Tefnut’s head.
LUXOR/FURIOUS TEFNUT/JACOBS<screams of rage>
Cleo blasts Furious Luxor and Furious Jacobs. All back up, writhing and rolling.
IRIS(muffled)
Is this more special effects?
Furious Tefnut, Furious Luxor, and Furious Jacobs look at the sarcophagus.
Cleo smacks her own face with one hand; her mother has given herself away.
With a mighty shake, Furious Tefnut disperses the foam fire retardant. A BLAZE of the ball above her head SIZZLES off the rest.
FURIOUS TEFNUTWho is within?
LUXOR/JACOBSMother of Cleo.
24.
Cleo brandishes the fire extinguisher.
Furious Tefnut inhales deeply. The wind is huge.
Cleo triggers the fire extinguisher. Fights to keep her footing.
It’s no use. Furious Tefnut sucks up all the foam. Spits it out. It spatters over the SENNET Board and wall behind it.
Cleo shakes the fire extinguisher. No good. It’s empty. She throws the container at Furious Tefnut, who bats it away.
FURIOUS TEFNUTWe propose a trade, warrior to warrior.
Furious Luxor jumps up on the sarcophagus behind Cleo.
CLEOYou get down from there!
Furious Tefnut sits primly on her lioness haunches.
LUXOR/FURIOUS TEFNUT/JACOBSWe want our apology. You will get it for us. Bring us the boy who should never have been king and we will spare your mother.
Cleo stares, stricken. She knows she’s trapped.
CLEOAren’t you just going to breathe on us anyway?
LUXOR/FURIOUS TEFNUT/JACOBSRunning and pouncing grow tedious. We want our apology from he who has most grievously insulted us. Only then can we depart.
Cleo slumps, beaten.
CLEOOkay. You win.
Cleo backs out of the room, eyes on Furious Tefnut, Furious Jacobs, and Furious Luxor.
Furious Luxor lies down on the sarcophagus like a creepy sphinx. He drools a little.
25.
BY THE TRASH CAN AT THE DOOR
We see a glint of gold: The Scepter of Was, obscured almost completely by the trash can.
BACK TO SCENE
LUXOR/FURIOUS TEFNUT/JACOBSWaste not our time! Your mother lies within!
Stressed and out of ideas, Cleo turns and runs for it.
The Scepter of Was is still behind the trash can.
INT. MUSEUM, THE MEDIEVAL ROOM - NIGHT
CLEO switches on the light. She looks exhausted.
CLEOSo like I said, I never even wanted the spa in the first place.
TUT stands at attention with other suits of armor.
Cleo doesn’t see him. She checks behind an armored knight on an armored horse. No Tut.
CLEO (CONT’D)And they’ve got my mom, Tut. My mom. Not just Tefnut, but Luxor and now Jacobs too.
TUT fidgets, looking guilty.
ACROSS THE ROOM
Cleo checks a wall of spears. No Tut.
CLEO (CONT’D)And I’m out of ideas, so if you could just make this easier, that would be really good.
TUT emerges from his hiding place.
TUT(sulky)
I will not kneel.
26.
Cleo’s exhaustion turns to anger.
CLEOThere are more important things to worry about. I mean, how would you feel if Tefnut had your mom?
Tut is disturbed by the suggestion.
TUTI would not like that.
CLEOThen you know why I have to take you to her.
Tut looks thoughtful.
TUTWhat if I had a better plan?
CLEOTut, I am exhausted and stressed out and they’ve got my mom!
Tut sets a sympathetic hand on Cleo’s shoulder.
TUTYes. I understand. The Pharaoh hears your plight and is moved.
Cleo rolls her eyes.
TUT (CONT’D)No. Really. It hurts me to see how wrong this has gone for you. And I have an idea.
INT. THE ANCIENT EGYPTIAN ROOM - LATER
INSIDE TUT’S SARCOPHAGUS
Iris’s cell phone rings. She answers in the dark.
CLEO (O.S.)I need you to be as annoying as possible.
IRISAre you okay?
CLEO (O.S.)Yes. Sing. Talk. Be annoying.
27.
Iris pockets the phone just as
OUTSIDE TUT’S SARCOPHAGUS
Furious Luxor twitches an ear but is otherwise unmoved.
LUXORBe silent, Mother of Cleo.
AT THE DOOR
CLEO and TUT hide, peering in and waiting for their moment.
INSIDE TUT’S SARCOPHAGUS
IRISPoor kitty kitty. Do you want a treat, kitty? I can scratch your iddle widdle ears-es.
OUTSIDE TUT’S SARCOPHAGUS
Furious Luxor’s fur bristles more along his spine.
LUXOR<hisses>
AT THE DOOR
Cleo catches Tut’s eyes. He nods. She goes into the room. He heads for the trash can.
INSIDE TUT’S SARCOPHAGUS
IRISYou’re such a silly little kitty-witty. Go bring me a ball, kitty, and I’ll throw it.
OUTSIDE TUT’S SARCOPHAGUS
Furious Luxor bangs an incensed cat-fist on the lid.
LUXORThe goddess commands your silence.
Cleo falls to her knees before Luxor.
CLEOOh please please please give us more time!
28.
Furious Jacobs melts from the shadows. The eerie entrance is marred by his drooling.
JACOBSTefnut, she hides something.
Cleo scrambles to her feet. When she turns, Furious Tefnut is right there.
Furious Tefnut breathes blue mist. Cleo is enthralled.
CLEOOur lioness is mighty.
FURIOUS TEFNUTYes, we are.
Furious Luxor jumps down from the sarcophagus.
Cleo and Furious Jacobs push it open.
Iris tries to jump out and escape. Cleo holds her by one arm, Furious Jacobs by the other.
Furious Tefnut breathes blue mist on Iris.
TUT (O.S.)Tefnut! Stop this!
Tut brandishes the Scepter of Was, his Pharaoh mojo back.
Furious Tefnut pads forward, flanked on one side by Cleo and Iris, and the other by Furious Tefnut and Furious Jacobs.
LUXOR/FURIOUS TEFNUT/JACOBS/IRIS/CLEOKneel!
Tut holds the Scepter of Was high.
TUT(in booming tones)
“I am the Cat which fought near the Persea Tree in Any on the night when the foes of Neb-er-tcher were destroyed.”Oh Tefnut so proud and fearsome,Go to a place not so nearsome!
LUXOR/FURIOUS TEFNUT/JACOBS/IRIS/CLEO<mocking laughter>
Tut holds up the Scepter, about to try again.
29.
LUXOR/FURIOUS TEFNUT/JACOBS/IRIS/CLEO (CONT’D)
Will you smite us all?
Cleo’s eyes blaze unnatural blue. So do Iris’s. And Jacobs’s. And Luxor’s.
Tut lowers the Scepter. His shoulders slump; he is defeated.
Slowly and with great emotional effort, Tut kneels.
Furious Tefnut’s toothy mouth spreads into a grin.
TUTOh Mighty Tefnut. You have won this battle, for you do indeed possess those whom I could never harm.
FURIOUS TEFNUTThis is better.
Tut lays the Scepter of Was down before him. When he straightens, his eyes are full of tears.
TUTBut even though you may slay me for my grievous insults and scatter my bones for jackals to devour, the Scepter of Was I will give to you.
Furious Tefnut’s face is all astonishment.
FURIOUS TEFNUTThe Scepter of Was?
Tut nods, miserable.
TUTAll I ask, Mighty Goddess, is for you to free my friends. They are not to blame for my arrogance.
FURIOUS TEFNUTWas that an apology?
TUTI summoned you and did not listen to you or my friends. I did not consider the feelings of others. I am sorry for my wrongs.
Furious Tefnut approaches, surprised.
30.
FURIOUS TEFNUTYou would give this, your most sacred possession, in exchange for their lives?
Tut holds up the Scepter of Was, an offering.
TUTIf you cannot forgive me, I beg you to spare them.
Furious Tefnut’s eyes fill with tears.
GENTLE TEFNUT<bursts into weeping and sobs>
As Furious Tefnut cries, she shrinks down. She stands on her back legs, which become human. Now clothed again in her blue gown and gold collar, GENTLE TEFNUT transforms. Her fangs vanish and her cobra hood becomes thick black hair again.
GENTLE TEFNUT (CONT’D)That! Was so! Beautiful!
Tut looks up, confused but hopeful.
TUTIt was?
GENTLE TEFNUT<sniffling and sobbing hiccoughs>Yes. Yes. Of course.
Gentle Tefnut BLOWS HER NOSE on a corner of her robe.
Tut gets carefully to his feet.
TUTAnd my friends?
Gentle Tefnut beckons to Cleo. Breathes a soft blue mist into her face.
Cleo blinks hard. Shakes herself.
CLEOWhat the?
TUTCleo!
Tut rushes Cleo and hugs her.
31.
Gentle Tefnut holds her arms out to Furious Luxor. He jumps into them. She breathes blue mist into his face.
LUXORWait. What? <comical scream>
Luxor, now himself again, leaps from Gentle Tefnut’s arms and runs like hell.
GENTLE TEFNUT<laughs softly>
Gentle Tefnut turns to Furious Jacobs and Iris, who are still blue-eyed and be-spelled.
CLEOWait. Um. Tefnut?
GENTLE TEFNUTYes?
CLEOCan you wait a little bit before waking them? We could really use a hand with the cleanup.
We see the SARCOPHAGUS and wall, dripping with fire retardant foam. VARIOUS BURN MARKS on the floor. The CHARRED REMAINS of the tapestry that burned earlier in the episode.
Gentle Tefnut puts a hand to her mouth, embarrassed.
GENTLE TEFNUTI did get carried away, didn’t I?
Gentle Tefnut breathes in deeply. Exhales a white mist.
The mist touches the sarcophagus. It’s clean. Same with the burn marks in the floor. The mist passes the tapestry, which becomes good as new.
CLEOThis is wonderful!
TUTAnd we thank you.
Gentle Tefnut and Tut bow to each other. She breathes a white mist. Tut’s bandages are whiter and cleaner.
GENTLE TEFNUTConsider this our apology.
Gentle Tefnut turns to Cleo, who is baggy-eyed and exhausted.
32.
GENTLE TEFNUT (CONT’D)What can we do for you?
CLEONothing. Really. I’m good.
Everyone turns to Furious Jacobs and Iris.
CLEO (CONT’D)I know just what to do with them.
INT. SECURITY GUARD WORKSTATION - LATER
Furious Jacobs holds his sandwich.
At a nod from Tut, Gentle Tefnut breathes white mist.
Jacobs turns back to himself.
JACOBSWait. What? Oh.
Jacobs smiles, noticing the sandwich. He picks it up. Moves to take a big bite.
EXT. MUSEUM - NIGHT
A cloud of white mist envelops IRIS’s head. As it dissipates, she blinks, free of the charm.
Cleo takes Iris’s hand. Smiles sleepily at her mother.
CLEOThanks for picking me up.
IRISIs that what? I mean, you’re welcome.
Iris and Cleo walk down the front stairs.
IRIS (CONT’D)So are you ready for the Mother-Daughter Spa Day?
CLEOI wouldn’t miss it.
END ACT THREE
FADE OUT.
33.
THE END
34.
