No One Else Can Raise Your Leadership Self-Esteem

No One Else Can RaiseYour Leadership Self-Esteem

Clinic 5:

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การมความเคารพในตวเองการหยงในศกดศรของตวเอง

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“Self-Esteem is that deep deep-down inside the skin feeling you

have of your own self-worth”~ Denis Waitley, Psychologist

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Self-Esteem

In his famous book MEGATRENDS, John Naibitt calls California, USA the bellwether (ผนำ�/แกะตวผทนำ�ฝง) state of trendsetting.

It’s a place where new ways of thinking and doing things often begin.

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Self-Esteem

For examples:

In the 1960s, California’s flower children began questioning traditional values and stated the peace-and-love movement.

In the 1970s, Bay Area psychologists begin teaching people how to become self-actualized and started the human-potential movement.

In the 1980s, California Assembly said that the root of all society’s problems was people feeling poorly about themselves, and the self-esteem movement, was officially sanctioned.

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ม�ทำ�คว�มเข�ใจกบ ‘History of Self-Esteem’ กนหนอย

เรมในชวงเวล� 1980s,

it was joined first by educators, then by parents and people who work in the social services. Eventually, even the business community bought into it.

Self-esteem experts seemed to be coming from everywhere.

They all had a program and a new way for us to feel better about ourselves.

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Much of the movement became downright silly.

Among other things, I’ve read that I can improve my self-esteem by blowing

myself a kiss in the mirror each time I walk by it, by repeating the mantra (ทองจำ�) “I am special” over and over, by wearing

a button that says “I am lovable and capable”, by getting 12 hugs a day, by being “validated” or “empowered” by

other people.

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Self-Esteem

In 1990s, will some of the silliness continued, the self-esteem movement was starting to lose a bit of its luster (ฉ�ย

เง�/รงโรจน).

We were more into making money and growing careers.

That’s what was making a lot of people feel good about themselves ~ they had more things.

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วลเดด

Many people were startingto confuse self-esteem

with downright selfishness.

(Maybe because so many marketers and advertises were telling us to be good to

ourselves because we deserve it).

He who dies with the most toys wins.

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Let’s Reflect and Discuss

What has been happening in ตลท.ในชวง 10+ ปทผ�นม�??

คน ตลท . เข�ใจ self-esteem ม�กนอยแคไหน?คณเข�ใจ self-esteem ม�กนอยแคไหน?

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In 1980s & 1990s schools and universities all over the world were

playing “feel good” games with their classes in the hope of enhancing (เพม/เส

รม/ยกระดบ) self-esteem.

What they were really doing was setting their students up with false expectations of how things work in

the real world.

FALSE vs. REAL SELF-ESTEEM

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While I was attending a leadership conference on self-esteem, while working at Ford, one of the keynote speakers was Bill Honig. He didn’t give the standard, inspirational, “You-can-make-your-students-feel-good-about-themselves” speech.

Instead, he shared honestly with the participants what his concerns were about self-esteem and its place in our

organizations.

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He said he was all in favor of helping leadership students raise their self-esteem, but his major concern was what he called

“false self-esteem”.

He said,

“You can tell an executive/ a manager/ an individual/even a student all day long he’s wonderful,

whether he is or not, and it might make him feel good.

But then he goes out into the real worldexpecting the same thing, and he gets crushed.”

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คณมคว�มรสกเชนนหรอไมครบ?

รอบๆ ตวคณใน ตลท. ม “false self-esteem” ม�กนอยแคไหน?

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Bill Honig emphasized that the best way to enhance a leader/ a manager/ an executive’s self-esteem is to give him the tools

that he can use to better his life.

Finally, someone was getting to the truth of the matter.

I wanted to run up and give him a big hug when he finished.

But I restrained myself, and gave him a simple handshake instead.

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I did have the opportunity to talk briefly with him.

I said I shared his concern about false self-esteem, and was glad that someone had addressed it.

He said,

“I wish more of you well-meaning trainers and executive coaches understood that self-esteem will take care of itself it

we can help our students/coachees learn the skills and attitudes they need to be successful.”

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What, then, is REAL self-esteem?

Of all the definition I’ve seen, I think the best one is the one by Denis Waitley that I used at the beginning of this leadership

clinic.

I like his phrase “deep-down inside the skin.”

That’s where real self-esteem is felt.

It isn’t something another person can give to us.

It’s how we truly feel about ourselves, even when no one else is around.

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If self-esteem is real, it comes from within.

By itself, the word esteem means

“to appreciate the worth of,

to hold in high regard,

to have genuine respect.”

So self-esteem is really self-respect.

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It’s how we genuinely feel about ourselves, regardless of what others say.

And how we feel about ourselves is closely related to our character develops.

We can only feel good about ourselves when our behavior is positive and we can be fully accountable for it.

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Ultimately, the development of personal character

is both a choice and a responsibility.

Other people may help or hinder, but we build our character, and with it, we determine our level of self-esteem.

IT’S STRICTLY AN INSIDE JOB!

FROM DEPENDENCETO INDEPENDENCE

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There is a time in our lives when both our self-image and self-esteem are determined by other people.

When we’re small children, our lives are dominated by adults and older kids.

We see ourselves through the messages we receive from them.

Good messages, good self-image.

Bad messages, bad self-image.

@ ตลท. “messages” of คณนน good or bad ครบ?

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The point is that when we’re at a tender age, we respond to the messages we hear most often.

We form a picture of ourselves, and then we develop feelings that are consistent with it.

We tend to become what we’re told about ourselves.

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But one of the most important things to understand about self-esteem is that as we get older we have to learn to think for

ourselves.

(Attitude is a choice ~ the most important one you’ll ever make.)

We need to realize that we have a choice (We live by choice, not by chance!) about how we are going to messages from other

people.

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It would follow, then, that no one can make you feel anything without your consent.

It’s what we believe about ourselves that counts.

Former US President Roosevelt once said,

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Whether we were treated rightly or wrongly as children,

our self-esteem is now our responsibility.

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FROM DEPENDENCETO INDEPENDENCEDon’t get me wrong.

I’m not saying that other people aren’t important in regard to our feelings.

All of us need to be told from time to time that we’re loved, appreciated, and valued.

We need our hugs, too.

It’s not only necessary, but fantastic, to be affirmed by other people.

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But we can’t sit around and wait for others to applaud us in order to feel good.

WE HAVE TO DO THINGS THAT MAKE US FEEL GOOD ABOUT OURSELVES EVEN WITHOUT PRAISE.

Then when it comes, it reaffirms what we’re already feeling.

It’s a great bonus.

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Other people can do a lot of things to make us feel good.

But, ultimately, how we feel about ourselves is the direct result of what we do and what we think.

Real self-esteem is respect that we have to earn from ourselves.

คณได earn respect ของตวเองแลวหรอยง?If not, why not?

THE INGREDIENTS OF SELF-ESTEEM

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I can remember having feelings of low self-esteem for many years, even though I was

working hard and finding a lot of success in my career and in a few other areas of my life.

But I still didn’t like or respect myself, and I didn’t know why.

??

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I found out that hard work and a successful career aren’t enough.

I was missing the key ingredients.

I couldn’t be comfortable with myself because I didn’t have the right combination.

It’s like opening one of those combination locks. It doesn’t work unless you have all the numbers.

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Eventually, I discovered the missing parts, and my self-esteem rose dramatically.

It was nice to both like and respect myself.

I guess I’m a slow learner, because it sure took a long time.

But better late than never. Some people never do figure out the combination.

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That brings me back to some of the reasons I became leadership trainer and an executive coach:

1) I want to help other people discover the combination, hopefully earlier than I did;

2) I think our ME-Centric/Centered society has bombarded us with the wrong messages;

3) I think we need to know the difference between self-worship and self-esteem; and

4) I believe we have incredible potential for genuine success and self-respect.

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Actually, the ingredients of self-esteem are quite simple.

The problem is that so many people with different ideas and motives jumped on the bandwagon; they made it look far more

complicated than it really is.

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In the first place, self-esteem isn’t something we can buy.

We can’t pursue it, look for it, or find it.

And as I said earlier, we can’t get it from other people.

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Real self-esteem is a by-product.

Feeling good about ourselves is the natural result of doing the right things and thinking the right thoughts.

Despite what the self-styled gurus and expert tell us, self-esteem is part of a natural process.

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If you can be consistent in the following 4 areas of life, you’ll never have to worry about healthy self-esteem.

It’ll be your constant companion.

1. Be Kind

2. Be Honorable

3. Be Productive

4. Be Positive

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1. Be Kind

It’s impossible to feel good about ourselves when we’re mean (ใจแคบ/เหนแกตว) selfish (เหนแกตว/ทำ�เพอผลประโยชนของตวเอง), or insensitive (ไมรสก/ต�ยด�น).

How to deal with other people has a mirror effect. It always reflects back on us.

The better we treat others, the better we feel about ourselves.

The more we build and affirm people, the more we grow as human being.

Remember: Remember: good people build their lives on a good people build their lives on a foundation of respect.foundation of respect.

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2. Be Honorable

I have yet to read about any connection between honesty and self-esteem.

But I’m convinced that it’s an absolute essential.

You could take every self-esteem course in existence, but if you’re dishonest you have no right to feel good about yourself.

And I guarantee that you won’t.

Integrity is the cornerstone (เส�หลก/สงทสำ�คญ) of high self-esteem. As long as you have it, you’ll always be respected, by others and by yourself.

Remember: Remember: honesty is still the best policy.honesty is still the best policy.

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3. Be Productive

One of the “deadly sins” of the Middle Ages was sloth (คว�มขเกยจ/เกยจคร�น/เฉอยช�), which means idleness or laziness. My mother used to call people who sat around and did nothing “slugs” (ตวบงหรอท�ก/คนขเกยจ).

I thought it was a great term. It’s pretty hard to feel good about yourself when you’re being a slug.

Being productive ~ learning, planning, achieving ~ is what builds self-esteem.

Remember: Remember: there’s no substitute for hard work.there’s no substitute for hard work.

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4. Be Positive

We can’t feel good about ourselves if our heads are full of negative thoughts.

If we’re treating others with respect, being honest, and achieving something with our lives, then we need to give ourselves credit.

It’s healthy to develop a good attitude to ourselves.

Remember: Remember: attitude is a choice ~ the most attitude is a choice ~ the most important one you’ll ever make.important one you’ll ever make.

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“Self-esteem is the reputation you have with yourself.”

Brian Tracy

วนนได “ย�ด” อะไรกลบไปแกโรคภมแพ (ภยตวเอง) บ�งครบ?

How healthy are you regarding “Self-esteem”?

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No One Else Can Raise Your Leadership Self-Esteem