North Jackson Church of Christ

Sunday Morning Bible ClassApril 14, 2013

State 3 Marital Facts, Consider a Question, State the Premise, Goal, and

Objective of Lesson, Share a Thought, and Suggest 8 Biblical Marital

Insights for A&M Joy in a Marriage.

1. There’s a high probability that marriages entered into this year will end by divorce within 5 years.

2. There are roughly 61 million marriages in America and it’s believed that two-thirds of them are “empty-shell marriages.”

3. Marriage is no longer a cherish relationship; for the first time in American history, less than 50% of individuals age 18 and older are married.

What can spouses do to increase the probability that the marriage will endure until death?

(Prov. 29:18).

For a marital relationship to be successful, loving and full of joy, there are several Biblical insights spouses need to know and allow to govern their marriage.

To equip or empower spouses to “will” their marriage to be full of joy and inexpressible happiness.

To briefly highlight 8 Biblical insights that will transform a marriage into a relationship that is pleasing to God.

Remember marriage is a “gift” from God.

“A good spouse is of great value”; i.e. a great blessing.

Solomon wrote, “If you find a wife (spouse) you have found something good. She (He) shows that the Lord is happy with (approves of) you.”

James, in his epistle, informs us that “… every good gift and every perfect gift is from above…”

• Married people live longer.

• Married people score higher on variables contributing to a positive subjective well-being.

• Married people report healthier lives.

• Married people report higher mean scores on variables measuring happiness than single people.

Value Their Marriage

Jesus says, “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” (Matt. 6:21)

A value is a principle in a person’s life that he/she considers to be good, desirable, and worth dying for. It identifies what is important in a person’s life or what really matters in a person’s life.

• Why did Joseph refuse the advancements of Potiphar’s wife?

• See Genesis 39:9! Because he valued his relationship with God.

• Why did Peter and John gladly accept the beating from the Sanhedrin?

(See Acts 4:19-20; 5:40).

• Values influence a person’s choices, thoughts, decisions, actions, etc.

“Cold Within”

Do you value your marriage enough to give up a “log” or

“logs”?

Keep the Marriage

“Smelling Fresh”

• The cause of a foul odor in a marriage is selfishness or self-centeredness.

• Listen to Paul’s advice to the Philippians for keeping “stink” or a foul odor out of marital relationships (Phil. 2:2-3).

• Paul says in relationships, do what will make my joy complete: Agree with each other, and show your love for each other. In whatever you do, don’t let selfishness or pride be your guide. Be humble, and put the other person before self.

• Jesus says, spouses who want to keep their marriage together MUST say no to “self” and yes to the marriage (Matt. 16:24).

• Jesus also raises the question, what are you willing to give in exchange for your soul (Matt. 16:26)? Thus, what are you willing to give or do to enrich your marriage?

• The way spouses treat each other tells family members and friends how they feel or what they think about the marriage (John 13:35; 1-18).

Avoid “Erosion Factors” in the

Marriage

Couples or spouses need to avoid behaviors which lead to or contribute to the destruction of the marriage (cf. Gal. 5:15).

Lying To Each OtherPaul says in relationships, people MUST stop lying to each other. They MUST always tell the truth to each other (Eph. 4:25).

• Marital Unfaithfulness• Faithfulness is a require-ment of God in all relation-ships (I Cor. 4:2 and Rev. 2:10).

• Adultery or marital unfaith-fulness remains one of the top causes for marital termination.

• It destroys marital happiness, trust, and a desire to want to be in the relationship.

• Gaslighting A behavior in which one spouse chips away at the other spouse’s perception of him/herself.

• Garbage DumpingThis occurs when one spouse keeps bringing up things that happened months or years ago.

• Kitchen-Sink FightingWhen spouses don’t focus on resolving specific issues, but attack each other by saying the most hurtful and personal things about each other.

• ScapegoatingA behavior in which one spouse is constantly blamed for everything that goes wrong in the marriage.

Create A “Warm and Fuzzy Feeling”

in the Marriage

• Take the time to compliment each other.

• Listen to Solomon, “Behold, you are fair behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats,… You are all fair, my love, And there is no spot in you” (Song of Solomon 4:1-2, 7).

• Say “Thank You” often.• Listen to Paul’s advice to the

saints of Thessalonica on how to maintain relationships (I Thess. 5:18); Paul also told the saints of Ephesus the same thing (Eph. 5:20).

• Don’t be like the lepers (Lk. 7:11ff).

• Practice Peter’s principles.• Peter says husbands and

wives should: (1) be of the same mind, (2) be compassionate, (3) love unconditionally, (4) seek not to get even, and (5) insult not one another (I Pet. 3:7-9).

Keep The “Flame Burning” in

the Marriage

• All marriages experience a “Roller Coaster Profile”, i.e., there are “ups” and “downs” in all marriages.

• Don’t let the “marital passion” die.

• There are 3 times in a marriage when there is a significant decline in marital satisfaction:• After the birth of children,• When there are teenagers

in the home, and• During the “empty-nest”

period.

• What is the plan for you and your spouse to keep the marital satisfaction high or keep the marriage together during these periods (Prov. 29:18)?

• Be careful not to develop an “I don’t care” attitude about the marriage.

• It’s possible for the “flame” to burn out in a relationship. Remember Peter (Matt. 26:33-34; Jo. 21:15-19).

• It almost happened to the saints in Ephesus (Rev. 2:1-5).

1. Spouses verbally fight over trivial things daily.

2. Spouses can not remember a time when they were happy and deeply in love.

3. Spouses find it very difficult to say anything positive about each other.

4. Spouses have reached a point in which they don’t enjoy the company of each other.

5. Spouses are constantly thinking and talking about terminating the marriage.

6. Intimacy is a thing of the past.

Tame The “Beast” to Maintain “Peace” in the Marriage

“All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is restless evil, full of deadly poison.”

Effective communication is the key cornerstone of a successful and loving marriage and is essential for keeping a marriage together.

Self Disclosure – refers to the ability of spouses to share personal feelings and thoughts with each other.

Transactional Management – is the ability of spouses to develop rules to govern the exchange of communication.

Situational Adaptability –the ability of spouses to be flexible in situations which arise in the marriage - the ability to “give” and “take.”

Husbands and wives, when you talk don’t let anything bad come out of your mouth, but say good things that you both need to hear.

Spouses who are careful about what they say will save their marriages, but those who speak without thinking will destroy it and them.

A gentle answer in a marriage will make anger disappear, but a rough answer makes it grow.

Kind words are like a life-giving tree,…

Forgive One Another in the

Marriage

Keeping a marriage happy and joyful requires the ability of both spouses to forgive, i.e., to let go.

Paul explains to the saints of Ephesus that forgiving is necessary for there to be “peace” in a relationship (Eph. 4:32).

Parable of Matthew 18:21-35

Remember the Key Principles For

Restoring “Joy” in the Marriage After

a “Storm”

• All marriages will experience a “storm” sometime during the marriage.

• All marriages have good and bad hours, days, weeks, months, or years.

Allow me to suggest 5 principles to help restore “happiness” after a “storm” in the marriage.

Confront disagreements when they come up – develop the ability to address disagreements as soon as possible.

Strive to address only one problem or disagreement at a time.

Strive to get to the core or the heart of the problem.

Endeavor to work as a “team” to solve problems.

Don’t use personal knowledge about one another to hurt each other – avoid “kitchen-sink fighting.”

These principles are designed to help spouses restore “joy” after a period of marital unrest or a “marital storm”.

What is your plan or strategy to have a marriage that is both satisfying and happy?

ConclusionConclusion