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8/9/2019 Nostalgic Musings
1/15
Nostalgic Musings
Original in Telugu by
D. Sujatha Devi
Translator
G R K Murty
8/9/2019 Nostalgic Musings
2/15
Getting down from the train enthusiastically, Usha looks around to
see if anyone has come for her. If not anyone, thinking that certainly,Sangeetam cannot stay away from coming, and looking all around
the station for him, she did not notice Sivannarayana till he enquired
standing by her side, How come, you came alone?
Oh! You have come annayya! Thinking Sangeetam might come, I was
looking for him. Perhaps sensing more displeasure in her tone at
Sangeetams not coming than pleasure at his coming, there appeared
a streak of irritation in his face, but it disappeared as soon as it came.
Taking the box from Ushas hand and inching forward, Sivannarayana
says, Havent brought even the children, why so? Cant afford to
forego school for that many days annayya, can they! Asked children
and him too to apply for leave up to Monday. By Saturday he will
come with the children.
Saying, So, a warning to me that you all would leave on Monday,
Sivannarayana laughed stridently.
That laugh sounding like that of the rocking of shells, appeared
rather unnatural. Usha looked at him critically.
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How is it, you havent come with a bullock cart! As Sivannarayana
hires a rickshaw, Usha, standing by his side, utters in surprise,
What, rickshaw! Saying, still craving for bullock cart ride, come,
get in, Sivannarayana sits in the rickshaw with the top.
She sat silently by his side in the Rickshaw, but her mind was not
silent. Though the forgotten past was rocking her mind silently with
its humming, Usha, as long as the Rickshaw was traversing through
the roads of Eluru, peeped out to see if any known person would be
visible. She intensely examined every face walking behind the
Rickshaw. Felt like asking the Rickshaw to take a turn towards
Sarswati girls school where she had done her schooling and take a
look.
Anticipating that Sangeetam would come with a bullock cart, she
had planned to go around the school; then, washing her feet in the
canal flowing by the side of Anjaneyaswamy temple, pay a visit to
god; then, peep into the house of Pedasubbaraomastaru, and then
go home. As the bullocks would take to the village road, they would
start running their bells making a jingling sound she craved for
that sound. The very realization that she hadnt visited the village for
this long made Usha wonderstruck. Peddammapassed away. Thats
it; she hasnt come to the village again. Eight years have elapsed
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since. She had often wondered as a child, if she could ever live
without peddamma. But Ha, time! Effacing even mighty affections,
it rolls on. In those days, if anyone said, Once married, and with the
arrival of husband and children, will you remember us? she used to
be overwhelmed by a mighty sorrow.
Crossed Eluru. Rickshaw has taken the route to Mahadevapalli.
Traffic has eased on the gravel road. Ushas eyes, mind, and her very
thoughts were fully occupied by her peddamma. In her childhood,
peddamma, while churning buttermilk early morning used to make
her sit by her side and study. As she was reading past with no
mistakes, she used to look at her with tons of affection, eyes dilated.
Particularly, after her marriage, whenever she visited her, she would
see her off by coming up to the temple. While going back, she usedto fondly caress her body, her searching eyes fondly looking at her
whole body again and again, and in those eyes, Usha used to see a
fluttering pain that made her tremble with a feeling that is beyond
description. Even to date, peddamma means those eyes, those
fond glances for a minute, her mind would go numb. Although her
mother passed away when she was a child, peddamma brought her
up without letting her ever feel the absence of her mother.
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As long as peddamma was alive, Usha never told anyone that her
mother was no more. Perhaps, it might have been out of her love for
her sister, or her luck! She had two sons. They too looked after her
well. Of course, its needless to say about Pedananna. But at her
wedding, when peddamma gave her gold jewelry weighing 100
grams, their faces turned pale. That aside, two years prior to her
death, when peddamma transferred five acres that she got from her
parents as stridhan to her, even pedananna objected to it. But since
then till date, he had been sending the income from the land on the
dot along with accounts. After so many years, a necessity has now
come to sell that property. Having written about it in a few disjointed
words, she boarded the train. But in her heart of hearts, she was
worried how her sisters-in-law would talk, whether brothers would
be affectionate, or not. Felt alright about annayya coming to the
station. But she was a little disappointed at Sangeetams not
coming. Sangeetam might have got married. Sometime back,
pedananna had said, Got married, and why, he is alright. As
Sivannarayana said something, Usha, stopping her thinking, turned
to him. As they are talking about their share of pains and pleasures in
life, the rickshaw had come to the village.
8/9/2019 Nostalgic Musings
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As she got down from the rickshaw, her sister-in-law put her hand
affectionately around her shoulder. Although, there was not much
intimacy and friendship between her and her elder sister-in-law,
those smeared pyols, turmeric dabbed thresholds, paddy ear heads
hanged to the eaves for sparrows, have all dugout the past, bringing
forth old memories; the fact that peddamma, who left this world
sometime back, had not made her presence felt yet and the new
realization that she would never appear at all all these thoughts,
like a flood in a fury forced Usha to lean on her shoulder and cry.
Saying, Cha whats thiscome on, lets go inside,
Sivannarayanas wife, Ramana, took her inside, affectionately. After a
while, Chinnanna, Ramchandrudu came. All of them recalled their
childhood deeds.
Its not known whether the thought of her the girl who had grown
in this house not coming home for this long ever struck them or
not; it had certainly disturbed Ushas mind repeatedly. Pedananna sat
by her side for sometime and keeping his hand on her head, shed
tears. Despite the presence of so many people, Usha wondered now
and then why Sangeetham was not visible. Finally, she asked about
him. Why the hell are you ignoring all the inmates of the house, and
repeatedly asking about that arrogant fellow? said Sivannarayana
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irritatingly. That fellow has gone long back said Ramu. Gone
means Usha could not understand, what it meant. He is no more
that Sangeetham, who ate our leftovers he became a big leader,
said Ramu tauntingly. She then kept quiet without making further
enquiries. However, she could not but wonder how Sangeetham
could be an arrogant fellow.
Usha could sense the displeasure of the
whole house about her selling the farm. The
house, brothers, growing children, the
estimate of the income somehow she
could not see that pomp which she saw in
her childhood. Thinking all that, Usha went
into the room in which a bed was laid for her and reclined herself onit. She again remembered Sangeetham. He might have counter-
questioned. Therefore, she felt, he might have been kicked out.
Never knew why, but whenever peddamma comes to memory,
Sangeetham too walks into her memory. He used to attend to her
needs with more affection than the respect that an ordinary annual
laborer might have exhibited towards the Master. Whenever she
remembers the incident that made his existence alive in her memory,
her heart quails even today. Her mind, tired from the journey and
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longing for sleep, suddenly became active. It went back to ten years.
In those days, life was full of colorful dolls, flower bouquets and
singing birds.
Pebbles in the river water of ankle depth and peddammas love and
affection. For all these things, Sangeetham was the background
music. Usha was then twelve years old, like a doll she used to roam
around and play. The buddy of peddamma, means darling for the
whole village. Sangeetham who was older by four years to Usha, was
working as an annual labor in their home, ever since the age Usha
could remember. For him, Usha meant everything. If Usha adorned
herself with good clothes, vermillion and collyrium dabbed eyes, he
would look at her as though he was staring at the idol of a goddess. If
a thorn pricked her foot, he used to flutter as though a speck of dusthad fallen in his eye. She appeared so tender to him that if she
laughs, he thought that her body might blush and if she walks she
might wither away. Taking undue advantage of his sensitivity, she
used to tease him a lot. She used to make wild demands on him: Ask
him to fetch her water lilies from the middle of the tank; tamarind
fruits hanging from the tender branches high above in the sky.
Insisted that he carry water without holding kavadi with hands; drive
the bullock cart without holding reins in the hand. Once, when
8/9/2019 Nostalgic Musings
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Sangeetam was suffering from stomach ache, Peddamma gave him
mint flower to swallow. As he was about to swallow it, she
suggested that he chew it for it would relieve him from the pain
quickly. Heeding to her advice, he did chew it. As he started crying
and jumping due to the burning sensation in his mouth, she laughed
at him, clapping mischievously. He too joined her with a laugh.
Peddamma, of course, scolded Usha. When Peddamma questioned
how she could laugh while he was crying in pain, those words did
prick her mind like a thorn.
One day, she sat on the cradle applying henna to her palm. Sitting
there, leaning against the post, Sangeetham implored her to tell a
story. Saying in bits and pieces Usha lures him. A boy came, and
saying post master had instructed him to give it, threw a cardtowards Usha and disappeared. Usha asked him to put it in the
niche in the wall. No sooner he had seen it than his face lit like a
thousand watt bulb. Those small and big letters, erasings,
corrections, was what the card was made of. He knew that the
message it has brought was from his mother. Ammayagaru,
Ammayagaru please read and tell me, it has come from my
mother, he implored.
8/9/2019 Nostalgic Musings
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Oh great you say it is from your amma,why me then to read it?
quipped Usha. Questioning, How do you know it is your mothers
letter, she teased him.
Saying, I know it, it has come from my village, he looked at the
letter fondly turning it this way and that. But she could not sense the
nip in his tone.
With henna on my hands, how am I to now, shall read it after
washing my hands, said Usha mischievously. Holding the card close
to Ushas face, Sangeetham said, I shall hold it like this, please read
for me. Meanwhile, as Kamala of the opposite house came calling
Usha and ran away, Usha, without caring for Sangeethams imploring
looks or his pleadings even, she at once jumped and ran out.
Sangeethams eyes welled up as he looked at the card in the hand
turning it this side and that. Hoping to get it read by Peddammagaru,
he peeped inside the house. Working till then, she had just reclined.
He sat there holding ammas letter in his hand. He could see all those
letters. They appeared to be the muggulu that peddamma drew in
the front yard, like the circles on Ushas skirt, like the horns of the ox,
like the share of the plough they appeared in so many ways. But he
could not decipher what his mother said. He felt sorrow at his plight.
In the meanwhile, the Master came in hurriedly. Sangeetham felt as
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though life revisited him. As he was about to open his mouth, his
Master commanded him, Orey! Quick, go and fetch Venkai, hurry,
run. Emey! Get up, long-horned buffalo is about to deliver he
hurried up his wife. Sangeetham could not open his mouth. Throwing
the card into the niche in the wall, he ran out. It was late night by the
time the buffalo delivered and all that is associated with it was well
taken care of. Sangeetham was doing everything ordered by them,
yet his mind remained squarely glued to the card his mother had
written.
As he entered the house, he started searching for the card. It was not
there. Holding back his tears, he said, Ammagaru, its the card my
mother wrote I kept it there. Oh! That, Usha might have taken ...
shall ask her have your food, come!
Not feeling hungry, search and give the card amma, said he. He sat
there holding his breath till she came out of the room.
Could not locate where she kept it, she is sleeping shall give it
tomorrow, saying, she went inside.
Sangeetham could not hold back his sorrow. Nor was there anyone
who cared for his crying. Went inside the cattle shed and lay down
curling into himself. He felt no difference between himself and the
8/9/2019 Nostalgic Musings
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cattle around him. He could not sleep that night. It was dawn.
Attending to his work, he kept an anxious watch for Usha to get up.
She got up. He uttered, ammaigaru, letter.
Letter? Gave it to brother in the night. Hasnt he given you? said
Usha.
Dont tease me amma, he said crying.
Staring at his face she felt sorry for him.
True by the time I returned you werent around. Peddamma said I
should not go into the cattle shed. So, I gave it to brother said
Usha consolingly.
Enquiring the whereabouts of Peddabbaigaru, he started searching
for him. At dawn, he had gone to Eluru for fertilizers. Indeed,
Sangeetham had seen him go out. But how is Sangeetham to know
that his mothers letter is in his pocket?
This time round Sangeetham didnt cry. He knew if Peddabbai goes to
town, he will return only by midnight after watching two or three
movies. Searching everywhere in the house, Usha concluded that the
letter is in her brothers shirt pocket.
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Peddabbai didnt return that day. But by the next morning, news
came that Sangeethams mother had passed away. The man who
came with the news said, Didnt send him even when we wrote
about his mothers imminent death what kind of people are you?
Sangeetham stood with his face drooping. Usha was however, about
to cry. If only she had read the letter yesterday, he would have had
the last sight of his mother. Going nearer to him, she laid her hand on
his shoulder. He at once cried in waves. Suddenly it dawned on him
that his mother is no more and she will never come back. Putting his
hand on Ushas hand that was on his shoulder and placing his head
on her shoulder, he cried inconsolably. Everyone around were shell
shocked by this unexpected event. Just then Sivannarayana came.
Saying How dare you, pulling Sangeetham by his hair, he spanked
him left and right. He kicked him out saying, Get out you bastard.
Wiping his tears and blood, Sangeetham went away.
Later, as she grew, even if he came before her, she avoided him. She
felt, it would be nice if Sangeetham could make it to her marriage.
But he didnt. She had, of course, seen him when Peddamma died.
The heat of her reminisces made the past pretty hot. Cooling them
off with tears, she could, after long, fall asleep.
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With the conversations she had with her brother for the last two
days, Usha had decided to leave that land for them and to take
whatever money they might give whenever. After that decision, Usha
had peace. They are the progeny of peddamma. Happily, she
considered them as her brothers. By Saturday evening, her husband
Shankar came to the village with the two children. The brothers-in-
law treated him affectionately. Herpedananna, his eyes welling up,
said, "If yourpeddamma had been alive, seeing you both and children
like this, she would have felt very happy.
Usha, saying she was going for a stroll, started with her husband.
They could locate Sangeetams house in the hamlet without much
difficulty. It is a shed covered with grass. Right before it, is a neem
tree. Just then, Sangeetam came out of the house and stared atthem in wonder.
Sangeetam could not utter a word. He felt choked could not even
say please come in. Eyes were filled with wonder, pleasure and
disbelief.
Asking him affectionately, Are you alright? Usha, telling her
husband, please sit, sat on the cot.
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After a while, Sangeetam could regain his composure. He was
cultivating two acres of land on lease. Got married. And has a girl
child.
He called, Papa. Along with papa his wife came out and saluted
Usha.
Drawing papa affectionately to her, Usha asked, Whats your
name? Papa said: My name is Usha.
***
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