theScribeNovember 2 to November 9, 2010 [Volume 35; Issue 8]

pg. 7

editorial Page 2

The official sTudenT newspaper of The universiTy of colorado

aT colorado springs

the scribeNovember 2 to November 9

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CorreCtIon

In Volume 35, Issue 8, the Faculty Spotlight misspelled Dr. Eve Gruntfest’s first name in the headline as Eva.

edItor-In-ChIef.........................................avalon manly

managIng edItor........................................JessICa lynCh

BusIness manager................................roBert rodrIguez

advertIsIng/sales manager..........................luIs hIdalgo

news edItor.........................................CatherIne Jensen

Culture edItor.........................................BroCk kIlgore

athletICs edItor......................................matt Crandall

opInIon/sCrIBBle edItor..............................Jasen Cooper

photograhy edItor.................................arIel lattImore

Copy edItor.............................................CherIse fantus

weB desIgner...........................................dorIan rogers

layout desIgners..........................................J.d. osorIo

....................................................................shreya raJ

reporters...................................................alex Cramer

photographers.....................................CarrIe woodruff

...........................................................Chelsea Bartlett

.............................................................mIChelle wood

JunIor reporters.........................................J.p. nIehaus

.................................................................amanda putz

................................................................krIstIn garst

............................................................ryan pIeChowskI

...................................................................amy koumIs

...................................................................ryan adams

...............................................................Corey mensIng

.....................................................wellIngton mullIngs

ContrIButors...........................................steven farrell

CartoonIsts...........................................................arno

.....................................................................rosa Byun

dIstrIButor...........................................donald truJIllo

advIsor.....................................................laura eurICh

Cover photo By BroCk kIlgore

The one constant in my life has been this school. Considering the recent rash of tragedy at UCCS (get better Dr. Hill), I thought I should share my story despite reservations about ‘opening up.’ To be quite honest, my recent return to UCCS has been rot with sadness. I lost nine people in the last six years, and I am still reel-ing. Besides finding my best friend and life part-ner, Kim Bell, coming back to UCCS for a sec-ond bachelors in History and pursuing a masters are sometimes the only things that keep me sane. Losing people is tough, and my ‘toughing it out’ approach has proved to be as diffi-cult as the actual events. I apologize for the fol-lowing sad story. Please know that my connection to this University, in its many incarnations has had distinctive and definitive affects on me which have made this story not so sad - so, thank you UCCS. The culmination of my upbringing was supposed to be a college football scholarship. Instead, I tore my rotator cuff in prac-tice just before the fourth game of my senior year at Liberty High School. Everything changed and I had to trade my fragile frame for a decent mind. I ended up at UCCS and I have no regrets. My mother attended UCCS in the late seven-ties. I remember eating Wacky Wafers as a five year old in the old trailer house day care south of Cragmor Hall. By the time I got to UCCS in the fall of 1991 it had grown significantly, but was still essentially only a commuter cam-pus. I liked having older, non-traditional students in class, but the lack of a crazy college culture was limiting to a wayward ex-athlete. I fell to the dark side for a while until I started taking Geography classes. New college students should never take an eight o’clock class. But it was

Brock Kilgorebkilgore@uccs.edu

Editorial: Death sucks, UCCS is better

in the only eight o’clock class that I ever took that I first met the Kurt Rogers, Jess Porter and Dr. Bob Larkin. I was consistently hung over all semester, and it was the only C I got in my college career, but the connections were worth it. All three became lifelong friends, and I would like to thank them for changing my life. The Geography depart-ment used to be on the third floor of Main Hall. I remember GES professor emeritus Dr. Eve Grunt-fest asking me “if I was guarding the building” as I smoked in front of the old north entrance. At the time I was completely ‘punked out’ with leather and spikes, so Dr. Grunt-fest’s perception was right on target. Kurt taught me about bicycles, Jess taught me about bicycle tours, and Bob taught us all about geography. Dr. Larkin, Dr. Gruntfest, Tom and Carole Huber, Mary Mack, Lou-ise Hose and Curt Poulton gave me a firm foundation in hazards, geomorpholo-gy, meteorology, geology and local history. Kurt, Jess and I rode our bicycles all the time and called ourselves Team Slack. We did Ride the Rockies, rode Moab every spring, rode every trail here, and rode across New Zealand after gradu-ation in homage to Dr. Larkin’s class about the kiwi country. After the trip Kurt fol-lowed his heart to Madi-son Wisconsin, Jess fol-lowed his heart back to Oklahoma, and I followed my heart back to UCCS. After a year of graduate school in geography I spent a year traveling the country in an old school bus with the local rock and roll band Boondoggle, all UCCS graduates.Kurt always talked about making his Volkswagen bus into a mobile bike re-pair shop, and finally did so in Madison. I moved there after touring to work for his Mobile Mechan-ics business, and had the unique opportunity to fix bicycles all summer long in front of the Univer-sity of Wisconsin’ student union. Kurt and I had a fall-

ing out after he got mar-ried, which I still regret, but I stayed in Madison and got back into the res-taurant business. Cook-ing has been a passion of mine since I was little and I ended up running a res-taurant, bar, nightclub and concert venue in a huge old movie theatre. While managing the Orpheum Theatre I got to meet George Clinton, Mearle Haggard, Atmo-sphere, The Roots and many others. Unfortu-nately the music business is permeated by drugs and I fell back into the dark side. I was just getting out of the gutter when I got a phone call from my sis-ter. My father had a mas-sive stroke and was go-ing to die soon. I moved back to Colorado Springs and watched my father’s strong body slowly die. It took him eleven days and it was the hardest thing I have ever seen. My father had been taking care of my uncle, so I moved into his trailer house on Mark Dabling Blvd and tried to take over. My uncle was really depressed and my father’s family wanted to put him in a home, so I ostracized myself from that family forever by letting my un-cle live like he wanted. Kurt and his wife had also moved back to Colo-rado Springs, and I was getting ready to mend the rift when I got a phone call from Jess. Kurt died of heatstroke underneath a bush in Moab next to his bicycle. I have lost at least a per-son year since. My best friend from Madison was unjustly sent to prison, my uncle fell in the show-er and bled to death, my friend Blair hung himself, I had to watch both my fa-ther in law and step father slowly die of cancer, and I lost two to drugs. So when I returned to UCCS in 2007 I had changed as much as it had. Maybe my history classmates have wondered about the quiet old guy in class - I don’t know. I do know that those classes, and my Kim, are the only reasons I’m still here - so, thank you UCCS. S

“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” - Groucho Marx

student lifePage 3November 2 to November 9

A Slice of Pie

1 2

3 4

5 6

7

8

9 10

11

ACROSS

4 Not the kind you smoke on 4-20

8 Should be sour but isn't with the egg

white

9 A squirrel's best friend

10 3.14159...

11 Johnny did good planting those trees

DOWN

1 Unlock the citrus

2 "pahk the cahh" creme

3 The best kind of milk

5 Veronica found herself swollen in Wonka's

lair

6 "cool drink of water, such a sweet

surprise"

7 Was it worth a jack-o-lantern?

Note: For a fee, you can use Crossword Weaver to print a nice copy of this puzzle (one that doesn't

look like a web page). You can check it out for free by downloading the demo from

www.CrosswordWeaver.com .

Custom Crossword Puzzle http://www.variety-games.com/CW/Puzzles/308637541128198...

1 of 1 10/28/10 6:59 PM

A Slice of Pie

Fill out the puzzles below. Return the completed puzzles to the Scribe office when finished; if you’re the first one done (and they’re done right), you’ll be awarded with a $5 gift certificate to Jives Coffee Lounge.

ACROSS 4 Not the kind you smoke on 4/20 8 The egg whites curbs the sour 9 It can be a squirrel’s best friend 10 3.14159... 11 Johnny did good planting those trees

DOWN 1 Unlock the citrus 2 “pahk the cahh” creme 3 The best kind of milk 5 Veronica changed in Wonka’s lair 6 “cool drink of water, such a sweet surprise” 7 Was it worth a jack-o- lantern?

Prize Puzzles

The Haunted Windchimes (w/ Elephant Revival)Thursday November 4th at 7pmArmstrong Hall at Colorado College (14 E Cache la Poudre)Tickets are $10 for KRCC members, $15 in advance and $20 at the doorPurchase at the CC information desk or at www.AMusicCompanyInc.com.

The Haunted Windchimes will play their special brand of old time blue-grass at CC.

A Disappearing Number Fri. Nov. 5 at 7pm, Sat. Nov. 6 at 2 and 7pm and Sun. Nov. 7 at 4pmDusty Loo Bon Vivant Theatre in University HallTickets are free for UCCS students and $15 to the publicPurchase at www.theatreworkscs.org

Theatreworks will present the National Theater’s live broadcast of Direc-tor Simon McBurney and the Complicite theatre company’s production. The story takes place in the present, as well as surrounding the life of Srinivasa Ramanujan, the great south Indian mathematician one hundred years earlier.

Catch a concert or a play this Weekend!

freeUCCS

students

$20at the door

the failboat ftw&FarmvillainWhoah, cowboy! Put that hoe down! A 22-year-old mother in Jacksonville, FL pleaded guilty to murder after shaking her 3-month-old son to death for interrupting a rous-ing game of... Farmville. She’ll be facing more than weed growth or rotten crops in the real world; it’ll be up to life in prison when she is sentenced in December. How about we all agree to not murder infants over virtual carrots? Also, it might be best not to fertilize her crops again, okay boys?

Howard Partrdige v. the worldRemember your grandfather shouting at you, “When I was your age, I had to walk 39 miles butt-naked through the snow to get to school. Uphill, both ways”? Well, if your grandfather is named Howard Partridge, he may be telling the truth. After spending al-most 48 hours in a snowed-in SUV waiting for able-bodied search-and-rescue, the 73-year-old Howard Partridge sped his motorized wheelchair three miles to find help, OregonLive.com reported last Friday. Leaving his sister and braving the snow along a precarious forest road, Partridge finally found several friendly Bambi-killers, who then notified search-and-rescue that, fortunately, another he-licopter, wouldn’t be necessary. (The Linn County Sheriff’s Office had already employed a Blackhawk and several S&R members.) The hunters went back for Partridge’s 61-year-old sister, who was still in the SUV on Forest Service Road 11 (making snow cones, allegedly). Snacks and melted snow sustained the 300-pound man and his sister for the two days prior to his trek. Still, grandpa Par-tridge, it was not uphill both ways; as Sheriff Mueller pointed out, “It was all downhill.”

Next Week on FTW: How the NRA and the ADA will join forces to create four-wheeling weaponized wheelchairs.

The Scribe wants you!Interested in advertising and layout design?

Email: scribe.eic@gmail.com or call (719) 255-3658

newsPage 4 November 2 to November 9

Influenza season, con-sidered by the US Cen-ter for Disease Control (CDC) to last from Octo-ber through May, brings with it a new influx of flu vaccines. The current 2010-2011 flu vaccine is offered at a number of pharmacies around Colo-rado Springs, as well as the Student Health Center (SHC) at UCCS. The CDC recommen-dation is for those inter-ested in taking the vaccine to take it as soon as possi-ble within the flu season. Stephanie Hanenberg, director of the Student Health Center, says that the CDC’s statistics show that primary infection rates occur in January and February for influenza, making October a prime opportunity to receive the vaccination. In addi-

Flu vaccines offered at Student Health Center

Photos by Michelle Wood

Jeremy Lengelejlengele@uccs.edu

tion, the communicabil-ity of the flu means that it can become a health risk for those in close prox-imity with many others for extended periods of time. The CDC notes that adults have a period of flu contagiousness up to one day before flu symptoms show and continuing up to a week after the sickness has passed. The flu vaccine offered at the UCCS Stu-dent Health Center takes approximately two weeks to give the patient immu-nity against three common strains of flu: H3N2 vi-rus, an influenza B virus, and the H1N1 flu strain. This vaccine offered at the SHC is also effective for the entirety of the flu season. The SHC states some minor side effects from use of the vaccine. Minor redness and swell-ing of the area where the shot was given or con-gestion if the flu vaccine

nasal spray is used can be expected, but all vaccines are closely monitored by the CDC and Food and Drug Administration for adverse affects to those who use them. While cost may be a concerned for cash-strapped college students, the SHC’s vaccine is of-fered at $20 per vaccine for students at UCCS. This may be discounted to $5 for students if they are enrolled in the UCCS student health plan insur-ance coverage. However, the SHC offers students enrolled with other medi-cal insurance carriers receipts for possible re-imbursement of the vac-cine’s cost. Currently the SHC has approximately 250 doses of the vaccine remaining, and are ac-cepting any walk-in or scheduled appointments from students wishing to receive the vaccine. S

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A parade honoring veterans will be held Sat-urday Nov. 6, at 10 a.m. in downtown Colorado Springs. The parade will run on Tejon Street from St. Vrain Street to Ver-mijo Avenue. The parade celebrates Veteran’s Day, which is on Nov.11. According to csvetspa-rade.org, the mission of the parade is, “To honor all veterans. To educate and inspire community awareness while pay-ing tribute to the service and sacrifices all veter-ans have endured in the pursuit of freedom.” The parade is put on by hun-dreds of volunteers and sponsored entirely by lo-cal businesses. The parade does not

Veteran’s parade on Saturday taps into local resources Corey Mensingcmensing@uccs.edu

receive funding through any government agency and does not charge vet-erans to participate. The event is now one of the largest parades of its kind in the nation. UCCS is no stranger to those individuals affiliat-ed with the military. The campus has an Office of Veteran and Military Stu-dent Affairs (OVMSA), which assists veterans, active duty, military fam-ilies and others in educa-tion benefits and tuition assistance. The campus is also affiliated with an ROTC office. Tim Lang, Human Resources As-sistant for ROTC said, “I think it’s important to take time to recognize the sacrifices that Americans have made throughout history.” The committee in charge of putting on the

parade is also active in the community. Besides the annual parade, the committee educates lo-cal school children on the sacrifices military veter-ans have made. The parade also in-cludes many local groups and organizations. Past participants have includ-ed the Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts and five local high schools. In previ-ous years, these schools contributed patriotic floats and ten high school bands. In addition, hundreds of area high school students participate in the parade through their school’s Junior Reserve Officer Training (JROTC) pro-gram. In 2005, approxi-mately 40,000 spectators attended the parade. S

culturePage 5November 2 to November 9

Striving for sustain-ability can be a manage-able task when you con-sider some big ideas like, hybrid cars, solar panels and home gardens. After one learns how everyday activities drain resources, the process can be intim-idating—and maybe even a little guilt-inducing. Nevertheless, this going green business does not need to be an overwhelm-ing concept. In fact, it is surprisingly simple to be environmentally respon-sible at the University

Colorado Springs’ sec-ond-hand stores have a lot to offer in terms of cloth-ing, household goods and miscellaneous treasures. Even though the items found in second-hand stores are used, great, cheap buys are available for anyone who is brave enough to walk through their doors and take a look. It is important to note the difference between thrift stores and consign-ment shops; though both of them are technically second-hand retailers, thrift stores sell donated items, whereas consign-ment shops give the per-son selling the merchan-dise a cut of the profit. The best thrift stores found in Colorado Springs are the ARC and Goodwill, while the best consignment shops are Plato’s Closet and Play it Again Sports. The ARC is a great thrift store with a variety of dif-ferent items littering the shelves from floor to ceil-ing. Looking for the most unique buys? The ARC thrift store definitely has

Springs thrift shopping

Kristin Garstkgarst@uccs.edu

what you’re looking for. The ARC carries mainly clothing and household goods, but they probably have at least one of what you’re looking for – no matter how obscure. They have daily specials that range from 25 to 75 per-cent off, so get out there and shop. A little money can go a long way in fill-ing your closet or dorm room. There are three locations in the Springs with the closest one at 4402 Austin Bluffs. Goodwill is also an-other great treasure trove of surprises. This thrift store carries absolutely everything, and has the best prices of any thrift store in the Springs. They employ a wide range of individuals with disabilities, so shopping at Goodwill not only helps your budget, but helps others as well. There are also three locations in the Springs with the closest one on 1070 Kelley John-son Blvd. Plato’s Closet is a na-tionwide consignment shop bursting with cloth-ing styles of every kind. They buy gently used clothing from anyone and give them cash in return.

This impressive store is literally stocked full of racks and racks of cloth-ing. They sell only name brands, but at about 30 percent of retail cost. They only buy quality items, so they really do have good deals. The Springs location is on the corner of Galley and Academy across from the Citadel Mall at 925 N. Academy. Play it Again Sports is a consignment shop that specializes in sport-ing equipment for every sport imaginable. The best deal found at this store was a Ride snow-board with bindings for 119 dollars. With a new snowboard and bindings running about 500 to 600 dollars, if you’re gearing up for winter boarding you may want to stop on by. They also sell hockey sticks, fencing masks and skateboards. All items are used, of course, but of-fered at unbeatable prices. The closest Play it Again Sports is located 1033 N. Academy. Whatever it is that you are looking for, you are sure to find it at a great price with any of these second-hand stores. S

Photo by Michelle Wood

Who says it’s not easy being green?Sara Hortonshorton@uccs.edu

of Colorado at Colorado Springs. “Energy use intensity on campus has decreased in recent years,” said Kevin Gilford, the UCCS Office of Sustainability Manager. This decrease can be attributed to en-ergy efficient technology, such as the Recreation Center, Science and Engi-neering Building and Gal-logly Event Center. For their excellence in energy efficiency, each structure received LEED Gold Cer-tification from the U.S. Green Building Council. Gilford estimates UCCS uses about 2 mil-lion dollars in utilities a

year. That total can be re-duced, but energy efficient technology alone can-not do the job. Students, staff, and faculty must help, and recycling is an excellent way to start. Re-cycling may be the most basic way to protect the environment, yet it is not popular on campus. “The recycling rate is 26 percent [at UCCS],” claims Gilford. “We need to see more energy con-servation and that is up to people and their behav-ior.” The Office of Sustain-ability has taken steps to increase awareness about energy conservation. They

have given presentations to classes and provided students in resident hous-ing with recycled plastic goodie bags, which con-tained reusable BPA-free water bottles, compact fluorescent light bulbs, and notebooks made from recycled materials. The Office of Sustain-ability has also ensured recycling bins are next to almost every trashcan on campus, but members of the UCCS community must take the time to sort their trash. In addition to recycling, one can help the environ-ment by practicing the following tips:

1. Turn off the lights when you leave a room. 2. Unplug unused elec-tronic devices. Even if they are off, electronics use energy when plugged into an outlet. 3. Install compact fluo-rescent light bulbs (CFLs) instead of incandescent light bulbs. A CFL uses approximately 75% less energy than an incandes-cent bulb. 4. Reduce use of run-ning water. Limit showers to five minutes and turn off the water when brush-ing your teeth. 5. Carpool with class-mates or coworkers. The Office of Sustainabil-

ity estimates 87% of the UCCS population drives to the campus alone. Shar-ing a car can reduce harm-ful emissions. The Office of Sustain-ability encourages every-one at UCCS to get in-volved in their mission to protect the environment and educate the commu-nity about responsible resource use. Information about upcoming events and volunteer opportu-nities are listed on their website (http://www.uccs.edu/~sustain/index.html) and at their office, which is on the second floor of the Campus Services Building. S

Campus Happenings

Photo by Brock KilgoreJames Reiter performs in the plaza for his Advanced Acting course.

Photo by Ariel Lattimore

in Pictures

Although Halloween is the time when pump-kins are ripe and ready, Thanksgiving is the time when pumpkins are tradi-tionally eaten, usually in the form of a pie. Unfortunately, pump-kin pie is a pain to make. ‘From scratch’ pie crust is a literal art form and cleaning, roasting and processing a fresh pump-kin is more involved than most student kitchens have the capacity for. Instead, during the decidedly less formal at-mosphere of Halloween celebration, something far more simple, and much more fun is in order. Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka in the original 1971 “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” said that “Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker,” and he was right. Halloween for college students is usually more about liquor than candy. Because of this, I thought, why not combine the two. Most of the brew pub restaurants that are in vogue right now offer a

Brock Kilgorebkilgore@uccs.edu

Recipe: Pumpkin dump cake anyone?

version of a beer float. Usually a dark beer like Guinness is mixed with vanilla ice cream to pro-duce a sweet and creamy concoction with a kick. Right now, liquor stores are filled with many va-rieties of pumpkin ales and Bristol Brewing from Colorado Springs just released the delicious Venetucci Pumpkin Ale. Pumpkin ice cream is also widely available, but Josh and John’s is my fa-vorite. Most of us who grew up here made the elementary field trip to pick a pump-kin at Venetucci’s farm. Nick Venetucci’s legacy is preserved forever as both a statue of him near the Pioneer’s Museum, and with 100% of the profits from the ale go-ing back

to the farm for future gen-erations. Not everyone drinks, nor will everyone like the overwhelmingly pump-kin flavor of this float, so I thought I would share another simple pumpkin dessert. I work in the library and the permanent staff likes to bring in treats for the student workers (thanks). The other day, circula-tion desk supervisor Judy Baranowski brought in a Pumpkin Dump Cake to share. She was nice enough to share the recipe with me, as Sheryl Botts from administration had shared it with her. I tweaked the recipe to suit the student popula-

tion. S

Double Pumpkin Ale Float

1 12oz bottle of pumpkin ale (preferably Venetucci)2 scoops pumpkin ice cream

Pour the pumpkin ale into an oversized mug and add two scoops of pumpkin ice cream. I like to mix mine well into a milkshake like consistency, but drink it like you like it.

Easy Pumpkin Dump Cake

1 30oz can easy pumpkin pie mix3 eggs1 12oz can evaporated milk1 18.25oz box yellow cake mix (use dry, do not prepare following directions on box)1 cup chopped nuts or 10oz bag English toffee bits4 tbsp melted butterWhipped cream

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Easy pumpkin pie mix already contains sugar and spices and is found in the baking section. Combine the easy pie mix with the eggs and evaporated milk, and mix well in a large bowl. Pour the mixture into a greased 9x13 cake pan and top with the dry cake mix. Toss the nuts or toffee bits with the melted butter in the same mix-ing bowl and spread on top of the pumpkin mixture. Bake at 350 degrees for an hour. Allow to cool until firm and top with whipped cream.

The 4th annual All Col-orado Beer Festival opens this Saturday at Mr. Biggs event center just south of Woodmen at 5825 Mark Dabling. Tickets are $30 for beer samplers and $10 for designated drivers, and are available at www.

Brock Kilgorebkilgore@uccs.edu

allcoloradobeerfestival.org, or at the door. This year’s festival will be split into two sessions: the first from noon until 4:30, and the second from 5:30 until 10pm. At least 29 breweries will be rep-resented including: Avery, the new BierWorks from Woodland Park, Black Fox, Dillon DAM, Duran-go, Elk Mountain, Grimm

Brothers and Twisted Pine – among most of the well-known local and state breweries. Live entertainment will be provided by Brickyard and The Taylor Project. The festival will benefit Theaterworks, The Empty Stocking Fund and The Home Front Cares, an or-ganization that helps fam-ilies of deployed troops.

Valid until November 15th

S

culturePage 6 November 2 to November 9

culturePage 7November 2 to November 9

UCCS has needed a decent place to get a beer or glass of wine since the original pub, which used to be located in the back cor-ner of the modern Over-look Café, closed back in the early nineties. Clyde’s also serves food, and is open Monday through Friday from 11p.m. to 10p.m., Saturday from 11p.m. to 8p.m. and Sun-day from 1p.m. to 8p.m. - so the problem of finding something decent to eat on campus at odd hours has also been solved. UCCS has evolved into a full-fledged college, but because of its beau-tiful, yet isolated location on the bluffs, we lack the surrounding amenities that

other, more urban cam-puses enjoy. In a single re-model, Clyde’s has nearly brought us up to speed. Clyde’s has an impres-sive interior as well. It has more of a casual coffee shop feel than a regular bar, is adorned in earth tones and wood, and man-ages to feel comfortable and upbeat at the same time. They are making a push for sustainability in conjunction with the UCCS Sustainability Club by of-fering Clyde’s carryout cycle. Until December 17th students may pickup a free chip at Clyde’s, the University Center Informa-tion Desk or the front desk of Monarch which can be traded for a reusable to-go container. After use, the containers can be turned back into the same loca-

tions, washed and reused. There are many no-table events coming up at Clyde’s. Care n’ Share is on November 2nd at 7 p.m. On the 6th there is a Poetry Slam starting at 7 p.m., where students can express themselves through their own words in a relaxed environment. Karaoke Nights are on the Fridays starting at 6p.m., so go have some fun and sing you favorite song. Plus you never know when you might see your boss or teacher up on stage. Nov. 13 is Fight Night at Clyde’s, and on the 20th there will be a showing of a snowboard movie at 6p.m. This should get ev-eryone excited for the up-

coming ski and snowboard season. Also, every Sun-day and Monday, popular NFL football games are shown. Clyde’s manager Jen Voorhees said that it is not like other bars, “It is a very different cliental because it is mostly students. The best thing about this place is that there is a vested interest in the success of Clyde’s.” Cynthia Ortega also works at Clyde’s as an attendant and said, “It is the funniest place I have ever worked.” The Office of Student Activities also runs many events out of Clyde’s, and if you want to hold an event there you should talk to both OSA and Clyde’s. It can be a great venue for bands to play, friends to get together and par-ties to be held.

J.P. Neihaus and Brock Kilgorejneihaus@uccs.edu and bkilgore@uccs.edu

Review: Clyde’s Eats Besides giving students of all ages a great place to hang out, Clyde’s pro-vides ‘of age’ students, faculty and staff a place to get a drink. They have an impressive set of im-ported bottled beers in-cluding Stella Artois, Harp, 90 Shilling, Bristol Compass IPA and Dead Guy Ale. Bottled imports and micro-brews are $4.79 which is par for the course these days, but the best student value is draft beer. 16oz premium beers including the excellent Winter War-lock Stout are $3.39, only 40 cents more than the NASCAR beers. They also offer 24oz tall boys of PBR and Miller High Life for you punk rockers out there, and last call is al-ways about fifteen minutes before closing time. Clyde’s has a small, but very effective wine list with all specialty pours at $5 a glass. The Dashwood New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc pairs well with the spicy Sante Fe Egg rolls ($5.29). Try the Menage a Trois Cabernet Sauvi-gnon with Clyde’s Sliders ($3.99), or the Gnarly Head Pinot Grigio with the Fruit and Assorted Cheese Sampler. Besides having a dis-tinct degree of class, Clyde’s also offers good and greasy bar food. The Lightly Breaded Cod with pickled ginger and wasabi sauce is like fried sushi, and the Mac and Cheese Wedges are de-lightfully over the top with queso dip. The house or-ganic salad ($4.79) and the Boomer Scoop dessert ($3.79) with an ice cream topped brownie are both served in a hot tub sized bowl, and are perfect if you are feeling healthy or not.

Clyde’s is pretty cool.

Clyde’s holds Karaoke Night Friday night from 6-10p.m. Photos by Michelle Wood

So you’re taking six-teen credits and working thirty hours a week. Ex-ercise is an afterthought at best, something that happens between babysit-ting your sister’s kids and cramming for your chem-istry quiz. But even a fif-teen-minute workout per day is better than nothing, said Vicki Schober, a doc-

Photo by Ariel Lattimore

How to stay fit on campus: No gym membership required

Amy Koumisakoumis@uccs.edu

tor at the UCCS Student Health Center. Accord-ing to Schober, “Sleep, healthy nutrition and then exercise are the top three. If you can do all those things, you’re going to do a lot better with learning and tests.” The Center for Disease Control and Pre-vention (CDC) recom-mends at least 150 min-utes of moderate exercise per week for healthy adults, which might seem like a lot, but amounts to

very little when spread over the space of a few days. Exercise doesn’t always have to be the treadmill or the ellipti-cal. Simple changes like parking further away from classes or following a yoga DVD before bed can make a difference in personal fitness. If you have time between class-es, go for a walk instead of heading to the library or student center. Better yet a short, high-intensity

workout at the Recreation Center, such as sprinting. can yield the same results as a long, low-intensity workout, like jogging. UCCS is also a cyclist-friendly campus and the Recreation Center (RC) offers bike repair services as well as mountain bike rental. Scheduling time for ex-ercise is an essential step towards staying fit: find a time to work out every day, or every other day,

and stick to it. Keeping track of when you exer-cise might not seem like a realistic option, but fifteen minutes a day isn’t much - think how many hours a day are spent surfing the internet or rifling through the fridge for leftovers. Recreational classes are an easy place to start, and will encourage a con-sistent exercise schedule. If you’re looking for a more individualized pro-gram but still need help,

personal training is also available at the RC. For someone who would rather be kaya-king down the Arkan-sas River than lifting weights, UCCS’ Student Outdoor Leadership Ex-peditions (S.O.L.E) spon-sors numerous trips and activities such as hiking, flyfishing, geocaching, skiing and rock climbing. Equipment rental is also available through the pro-gram. S

A visit to Vallejo’s is about as close as you can get to warping back to Colorado Springs in 1962. The Railroad Sta-tion building which sits strangely on the corner of Colorado and Pikes Peak Aves - roads that run par-allel all the way across town except for this spot - used to be exactly that. It was Colorado Spring’s passenger train station, back when people used to ride trains. Vallejo’s sits just to the south and west of the old train station. The best way to get there today is to head east on Colorado from Wahsatch and go right, or straight actually, instead of curving left towards Pikes Peak, then take an immediate right on S Corona. When viewed from above in Google Earth, it is clear why Vallejo’s was an excellent location to start a restaurant in 1962. Colorado Ave connected the Westside with down-town, and its most signifi-cant eastern terminus was the train station, which

Vallejo’s: Historic railway station Mexican foodBrock Kilgorebkilgore@uccs.edu

housed the comings and goings of many people. Primitivo Vallejo, the husband of restaurant founder Paula Vallejo, was well known for befriend-ing railroad transients and giving them free food; surely to Paula’s chagrin. They came to Colorado Springs in 1927so Primiti-vo could work in the gold mills on the Westside that reduced Cripple Creek ore into gold. Paula raised 12 children on the very same recipes still served at Vallejo’s, which she learned from her mother in Mexico City. She learned to wait tables at Village Inn and Floyd’s Restaurant down-town in the 1940s and by 1962 was ready to open her own place. She is a devoted Catholic and the chair where she used to read the bible still sits in the same location inside the restaurant. If you want modern Tex-Mex fusion, don’t bother going here. The menu contains only sim-ple, authentic, working class food with few frills. Let Lydia Martinez, Pau-la’s daughter, accept you into her home. It’s like a visit to Grandma’s house.

The staff usually con-sists of Lydia and one oth-er, so please be patient and respectful and you will be rewarded with being able to taste recipes whose leg-acy traces directly back to Mexico City at the turn of the century. The inside is immacu-lately clean with tables for eight, six and four in the middle, surrounded by eight booths. It’s like a jungle with dangling plants, a painted mural, a plastic cockatoo, par-rot and other exotic birds. The walls are lined with Mexican historical motifs: an eagle holding a snake,

an Aztec king saving a woman, bull fighters and Poncho Villa. The booths look like a bad eighties sweater, but who cares? The menu is incred-ibly simple. My favorites include the bowl ($4.25) or large bowl ($6.25) of slightly spicy pork green Chile with their signa-ture thick and hearty homemade corn or flour tortillas. The combina-tion plate ($9.50 or $8.50 special on Tuesdays) contains a chorizo taco, a bean tostada, a smoth-ered green Chile rellano, a cheese enchilada and rice and beans.

Cheese is treated as main ingredient here like it would be in a working class home, so don’t ex-pect anything smothered in melted cheese. If you especially like cheese or are a vegetarian try the cheese combo (same price and concept as regu-lar combo, just with all cheese), or order some-thing from the ala carte menu with cheese. The best tests of any Mexican restaurant are the beans. Unfortunately, most places today use processed ‘refried’ beans frozen from a bag. Valle-jo’s has slow-cooked, pork flavored whole beans which are fantastic, but they could be squashed in a skillet with lard, onions, peppers and a little orega-no to produce real ‘refried beans.’ The smothered Mexi-can steak with beans or salad and tortillas is a real carnivorous value at $10. The breakfast style items: enchiladas rancheros, Mexican omelet, huevos rancheros and chorizo eggs - all with either beans or green Chile - are excel-lent at any time for $9. The ala carte menu offers significant value

with: two cheese, chori-zo or beef burritos; three cheese, chicken, chorizo or beef tacos or enchila-das; and two green Chile tamales - all ranging from $7 to $9 with single items $3-4. The best deals are the daily specials. Thursday’s sour cream enchiladas with cheese, chorizo or both ($8) are creamy and delicious, and the two Chile rellanos with green Chile, rice, beans and two corn or flour tortillas ($9.50) on Fridays are the best thing on the menu, and always sell out - so get there early. Paula and Primitivo Vallejo have nine surviv-ing children, 48 grandchil-dren, 88 great grandchil-dren and many great-great grandchildren. Consider taking the time to become part of that tradition, as well as sampling a little Colorado Springs railroad history. The sign below the pass-through kitchen win-dow where Lydia Marti-nez consistently monitors her restaurant reads “Be-ware of attack chef” - but don’t worry, she doesn’t bite.

111 S. Corona St.Colorado Springs, CO 80903

Running up the many hills on campus will help burn those extra calories.

(Restaurant Review) 5/5

S

Photos by Brock Kilgore

culturePage 8 November 2 to November 9

athleticsPage 9November 2 to November 9

Matt Crandallmcrandal@uccs.edu

Ryan Piechowskirpiechow@uccs.edu

Both the UCCS Men’s and Women’s Basketball teams are revamped and ready to get underway as their seasons tips off this week. As Mountain Lion Basketball looks forward to entering the second sea-son of play at the Gallogly Events Center, both teams begin the season with new faces and a fresh feeling of excitement and antici-pation for the competition ahead. The men’s team has added seven to their ros-ter since they ended last season with a quarterfinal exit in the RMAC play-offs. The Mountain Lions welcome three freshmen and four transfers as they look to make even more

“The Denver Broncos were slaughtered, anni-hilated and humiliated,” commented one of Amer-ica’s top sportscasters last Wednesday, in regards to the Oct. 24 blowout at INVESCO Field at Mile High against the archri-val, arch nemesis, travel-ling Raiders of Oakland. And what was the final score, you ask? 59-14 and, unfortunately, this was a game that was over before it even began; Oakland head coach, Tom Cable, may have applied some reasoning and mindset from Sun Tzu’s, ‘The Art of War’ because every-thing Denver tried to do from the first play of the

New season of UCCS Basketball looks promising

game, Cable and his fel-low black and silver min-ions from the west were a step ahead for the entire contest. The war on the field had already been decided before it had even been fought. After watching a highlight compilation of the game from youtube.com, the evidence and abnormal, almost super-natural, game play from both Denver and Oakland alike, appeared to be so fixed and slated that the only determining factor I can muster up to offer an explanation as to why this happened is that the darkness, ghosts, ghouls and goblins of Halloween may have taken over and infected our team. At one point during the

Sports Buzz: Where do we go from here? Broncos fans must remain loyal and supportive

fourth quarter after seeing all the turnovers, touch-downs, the astounding 500 yards of total offense for Oakland and Broncos’ head coach Josh McDan-iel’s’ facial expressions of bitter disgust and an-guish, I thought the only thing left that could top this nightmare off would be to see heads rotating 360 degrees and a strong, high velocity splurge of green vomit exiting the possessed souls of Denver players. Does anyone know a good exorcist? It has been difficult, traumatizing and frustrat-ing to be a Broncos fan over the last year and a half. As we all remem-ber, Denver stormed out of the gate last year with an impressive 6-0 start,

noise in their conference this season. Senior for-ward Rob Howe believes the even mix of under and upperclassmen will bring a much needed balance to the men’s squad. “You’ll see a lot of the new guys complementing the veterans well. They’ve all played at a high level at their previous schools, and it’s clear that they’re going to be able to help us out all year,” Howe said. One way the new players are expected to contrib-ute is by bringing a level of quickness and athleti-

cism that may lend itself to the up-tempo style the Mountain Lions will have this year. “We addressed a need for athleticism,” ex-pounded Howe. “We want to try to run this season, and the guys we brought in are definitely going to help out with that.” The women’s program also has a new flurry of talent this year, which will assist in turning the program around after an unsuccessful season last year. With only five la-dies returning, the lady Mountain Lions are ready

only to finish 8-8 and be eradicated from playoff contention; yet here we are nearly a year later, sitting at 2-5 and, essen-tially, have placed our testicles in a jar for Oak-land to take back and burn religiously in Neanderthal fashion amongst the rest of the AFC. What, too soon? The point is, where do we go from here? It’s easy to support and stand behind a team, a franchise for that matter, when they are winning. Everybody stood behind Elway, Sharpe and Davis over ten years ago when they brought the city of Den-ver and the state of Colo-rado back-to-back Super Bowls, it was awesome. Out of all the profession-al franchises the state of

Colorado has, I believe the Denver Broncos are the nucleus of our sports locale; they represent the good and purity of this state. Tragedy struck the team Sept. 20 when wide receiver Kenny McKinley committed suicide at the young age of 23, follow-ing the untimely death of cornerback Darrent Wil-liams in 2007. Williams was murdered in down-town Denver. This team has had an enormous amount of difficulty to bear with as both a squad and individuals. Our team is struggling and the fans need to be aware of this and not walk away. Loyalty and support can be hard fought com-modities in order to trump adversity; at some point

it can be easy to give up and say, “What’s the point anymore?” The point is that Denver is strong and possesses a real leader in McDaniels. Football is played one down, one play, one game and one week at a time. They have the tools and leadership to turn the season around and regain the spit-fire at-titude and mindset they had last year. But, will this happen? My prediction is that it will and I am making the bold and loud statement that Denver will secure a wildcard spot at the end of the season. The continu-ous swimming in quick sand will end and I truly believe the boys will rise up and start playing the Broncos way. S

to start the season after a difficult preseason. Ac-cording to junior guard Payden Ackerman, the team has worked hard all offseason on creating that important bond between the new faces and the vet-erans. “We have done a lot of team building and the chemistry has been amaz-ing considering it’s a rela-tively new team,” Acker-man said. “The practices and conditioning this pres-season have been intense and are already starting to show in our play.”

Team chemistry will be crucial to the women’s team as they are expect-ing immediate contribu-tions from a highly ca-pable incoming group of players which includes a recruiting class of six freshmen and two twin sister transfers. Ackerman believes this will allow the new players to adjust as the team aims to im-prove from last season’s 6-21 record. Ackerman noted, “Each freshman is going to help our team greatly. They are all very hard working, and will-

ing to step up at this level. The junior transfers, Jess and Danielle Brown, are going to be influential for this team as well. They are beyond athletic and push the tempo to a level we can all appreciate.” The men tip off tonight at 7 p.m. against Johnson and Whales at The Gal-logly Events Center. The ladies commence play Thursday, Nov. 4 at 7:30 p.m. against Colorado College at The Gallo-gly Events Center. Both games are exhibition matches. S

Photos courtesy of gomountainlions.com

Top: Ashley Miller, Danielle Brown, Jeri Pikul, Jessica Brown, Jordyn Rienks Middle: Katie Crump, Laurent Wolfinger, Lauryn Near, Payden Ackerman, Sammi GentileBoTToM: Kallie Jiblits, Sarah Curby, Alyse Bessert

10 Brent Jones, 12 Chase Richards, 13 Ben Feilmeir, 14 Jordan McClung, 15 Alan Paul, 21 Rob Howe, 30 Damar Hill, 32 Walter Cooper, 33 Jephtae Isaac, 34 Jordan Carter, 35 Luke Hristou, 44 Donnie Palmer, 54 Dalton Patten

opinionPage 10 November 2 to November 9

Stephen Farrellsfarrell@uccs.edu

Throughout the last year, a kind of new season seems to have emerged with professional athlete exposures when it comes to promiscuity. And un-less you’ve been living under a bridge since fall of 2009, you have with-out any shadow of a doubt heard every detail of the Tiger Woods scandal and now the most recent de-bacle has to do with the Minnesota Vikings quar-terback, Bret Favre. Apparently Mr. Favre’s wandering eye landed on a sideline reporter named Jenn Sterger, which eventually led to Favre winding up with Sterger’s number and then, ultimately, Favre leaving numerous lewd text messages laden with sexual innuendo. Woods and Favre, both married while in the center of a media blitz in regards to their scandals, have dem-onstrated infidelity and the very epitome of a sour marriage. So my question is this: Who cares? Well, there are many who are very quick to say, “Hey, these guys are role models, look at the example they leave for our kids.” Let me start first by saying that super star athletes like Woods and Favre are not revered for their family skills; if that were the case we’d be seeing moms driving mini vans loaded with 10 year old pee-wee soccer players on the front of our Gatorade bottles. Wow, I

actually shuddered at that very thought. But to be quite honest, it’s rather annoying when the me-dia attempts to get people into the mindset of “Oh my God, I’m so shocked that celebrity actually cheated on his wife!” A word of advice to those readers with this mindset: Go outside, tap your heels together, and recite aloud, saying, “There’s no place like the crack house that I belong in.” The truth is that pro-miscuity is a human fac-tor, not some abnormally/supernaturally devious aspect that society would like it to be painted. It simply stems from the basic human instinct of the urge to procreate. Does cheating on your spouse show you have a serious lack of discipline and loyalty? Yes. Does it make you a bad per-son who should never be trusted again by anyone? No. There, I said it. But back to Woods and Favre, both of these men are wealthy, famous and highly revered athletes because of their excep-tional performances that they bring to their respec-tive sports. They are and always have been respect-ed for their athleticism, nothing else. Woods will go down in history as a golf legend, as will Favre in football. It is nothing less than irresponsible of the media to give so much coverage about the most intimate details of high profile celebrities when-ever they get the chance. Last I checked, Tiger wasn’t doing his mattress mamba in the middle of Austin Bluffs while hold-ing up traffic on my way to school this morning. With that being the case, I could care less if he cheated on 100 wives, it wouldn’t change the taste of my Cocoa Puffs in the morning. And, I think I just shuddered again. S

I don’t care, Favre

I’m leaving college life behind in order to begin what some would call “a real job,” taking the first of many steps toward sub-stantiated adulthood. All our lives, we look forward to certain birthdays as landmarks, pining away for the day we turn 18 and become men (or women, if you swing that way). Then, for most college-track stu-dents, high school ends and college begins and we don’t want to grow up yet. We’re not really adults yet, right? We’re only 18, still living at home, still in school. Still not supposed to drink, but doing it any-way. The college bubble is comforting, serving as a gentle transition into freedom and adulthood without requiring all of the consequences. If you forget a homework assign-ment, you might be able to convince your professor to give you an extension. If you run out of money buy-ing supplies for beer pong, your parents can cover your grocery bill. Coddled in academia, many of us are not forced to grow up. Facing what feels like a very sudden stumble into adult responsibilities, with a full-time job, the bills to match it and a budding family to support, it’s hard for me to not feel over-whelmed, even though this is the moment I’ve been working for these past few years. All of those classes, alleged preparation for this real world, seem to be shrinking back in impor-tance. Nobody cares about my GPA out there, let alone my attendance record, or how many insightful ques-tions I asked in class. Rather, I find myself looking back on these col-lege years and picking out random bits of knowledge acquired outside of class-es, coping mechanisms and study tricks that have served me well. I would be remiss if I did not use my last stand on the soapbox

Jasen Cooperjcooper2@uccs.edu

to share a bit of what I’ve learned. First and foremost, I urge all of you to never buy books at the book-store. You will waste so much money, gaining very little in return during text-book buyback. Seek you the internet, and allow its services to fill your book-shelf. Try to leave yourself a long break between at least two of your classes. This will allow you to do some reading or home-work while waiting for the next class to start, since you’re already on campus and there’s nothing else to do. Get a job. Even if it’s only 10 hours a week, go out and find some way to prove to future employ-ers that you know how to function within an office environment. Don’t let lawn mowing be the only real experience on your resume. Don’t study too hard. Unless your goal is gradu-ate school, don’t kill your-self cramming for some exam just so you get an A instead of a B. This has been the hardest for me, but I’ve slowly come to realize that I am the only one that cares about my grades. Join a club. They say college is where you meet the friends you’ll have the rest of your life. You might as well have something in common with them. Take a class you know nothing about. You have required courses in all sorts of subject areas any-way, and you never know if you’re a savant with an-thropology until you try it. Stop to appreciate the landscaping. Seriously, they market it enough to potential students; you might as well see what all the fuss is about. Go to your professor’s office hours. They’re quite lonely, sitting in there for two hours twice a week, unable to leave for fear that that one student who has a question might show up this time. And finally, find a job before you graduate. The prospect of leaving school forever is scary enough, let alone if you’re facing liv-ing under a bridge after the student loan money runs out. Oh yeah, and don’t take out student loans. Sorry future self! S

Everyone knows that education leads to a more fulfilling career, better pay and often just a better life in general. This is why as students we even bother to even go through all the ef-fort; the late nights getting that paper done that’s due the next day, paying the tens of thousands of dol-lars for schools and work-ing those jobs that pay crap in order to even get by. In our society, education is highly valued and the difference between having a bachelor’s degree, mas-ter’s degree or PhD is of-ten the determining factor of how large or small your paycheck may be. Where you receive your degree also comes into play and not to be rude but you are much more likely to get job if you went to an Ivy League School verses a Community College. The way the different institu-tions and universities teach are quite often different. By comparison, UCCS and Colorado College share many fundamental differences. While both schools are substantially respected, they are differ-ent in many ways. UCCS is a public school that is part of the larger University of Colorado System that has its main campus located in Boulder and another cam-pus in Denver, while Col-orado College is a small private school. Colorado College was founded in 1874 while UCCS was not an official university until 1965. Colorado College has about 2,000 students while UCCS has four or five times that amount and still increasing every year. For the second year in a row UCCS has seen its largest freshman class to date and with the large commuter group of stu-dents it’s still hard to tell. One of the largest differ-ences between the schools is the way classes are set up. At UCCS we use the semester system, where students have on average between four and six class-

es worth twelve to eigh-teen total credits. We go to class two to five times a week for sixteen weeks. On the other hand, Colo-rado College has a much different system. They do one class at a time for three and half weeks, take a long weekend and then take an-other class. They still take about the same amount of credits and in the end the transcripts look similar but the two systems are radi-cally different. While the intensive study block schedule has its ben-efits such as possibly gain-ing a further understand-ing of a subject, I wonder if after a while a student would get sick of going to the same class for three and half weeks straight. Another factor that is not taken into account in the Colorado College block system is the student’s ability to juggle multiple tasks at once, which is a skill that almost every job in the work world (after college) requires of its employees. Most UCCS students definitely have to do that with the way our schedules are set up. The three weeks sys-tem does seem to have its advantages, though. First off, if a student sees a teacher for three and half weeks straight I would assume professors are going to be much more likely to remember their names and who they are. Everyone knows that if a teacher knows a student well they are much more likely to want to help the student succeed, whether that means offering extra help with understanding a subject in their office when it’s not even office hours or if it’s giving them an extension on paper be-cause they know things are hectic for the student at the time; a little bit of help goes a long way. In the end every per-son is different and being a dyslexic student myself, I had to recognize the way I learn and teach myself in a variety of different ways. With that being said, I know how important an educational system is for students to succeed. Re-gardless of all that jargon, please remember that if you can be truly passion-ate and love what you are studying then nothing can hold you back. S

Styles in education

J.P. Niehausjniehaus@uccs.edu

Parting wisdom

Photo courtesy of: www.celebridiot.com

theScribble“Still, if a statement cannot reasonably be interpreted to be one of express or implied fact, it cannot be libelous. This means that humor columns, spoofs, cartoons and satire are protected as long as readers understand that the material is not intended to be taken seriously.”

-Student Press Law Center

TOPTEN

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things (not) to say to yourprofessor

Your class sucks.

So how do we cite Wikipedia in Chicago style anyway?

Your book sucks worse.

So... are you happy with how your doctorate worked out for you?

The Joker. Seriously, are you even considering this? Heath Ledger died, man. Show some respect.

Raise your hand in class and say, “so how’d you like that weed I sold you?”

Sorry, we’re out of wine.

No, we don’t have any crack.

No, I wouldn‘t like to perform extracurricular activities for extra credit.

Good news, your daughter’s not pregnant.

-Scribe Staff

Misunderstanding the concept, local sophomore Jacob Note told his geology profes-sor that he would be conscientiously objecting to completion of all further homework assignments. After learning about the phrase during a conversation with some friends, Note felt entitled to refuse to do his homework based on made up religious reasons. He has since begun handing in otherwise blank sheets of paper with his name and a frowny face on them in lieu of actual research papers. Note has become well-known for such behavior ever since his psychology final last year, during which he plead the Fifth. When Note’s professor tried to pressure him into finishing his assignments, he threatened to drop the class and take up French, saying he would flee to Canada at the end of the semester.

The news in brief

After some person made an impact on the UCCS community, likely through some sort of fiscal contribution, a room in one of the smaller campus buildings has been renamed to honor him or her. The room, formerly a large storage closet, is set to become a classroom for upper-division underwater pottery classes. Students are en-couraged to stop by the closet-class in order to read its plaque, on which the details of the possible donation from someone who is probably an alumnus can be read about. The renaming ceremony was sparsely attended. In other news, the person in charge of making detailed maps of campus buildings recently resigned, and is being charged with defacing several new room placards.

A study by local scientists recently discovered that students who use Facebook are 20 times more likely to misunderstand factual information, while a staggering 70 percent of Facebook users think their friend is actually an expert on something. Responses to a randomly dispersed questionnaire indicated that most students think they know things when they do not, and will actually argue with other students who are also completely lacking in any useful knowledge. Many of the respondents alleged that something was true simply because a friend had mentioned it in their status update, and a majority of the survey participants rated Wikipedia as a credible source. When asked to search Google in order to find supporting evidence for their wrong opinions, almost all of the survey participants succumbed to micro-seizures.

Students who frequently dine at the campus cafeteria finally found closure last week to the long standing UCCS question every on-campus freshman asked themselves: What in the world is that poor, foul smelling odor emanating across the northwest sector of the dorms? And the answer, which was discovered by Scooby Doo, Wilma and work-wife duo, Thelma and Louise, turned out to be an illegal underground cockfighting ring led by the evil mastermind, Bilbo Baggins. Chicken anyone?

Local student conscientiously objects to homework

Small classroom renamed in honor of someone

Study finds that most Facebook users are stupid

Mystery stink emanating from The Lodge would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for those meddling kids and that mangy dog

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S-Scribe Staff

-Randall Munroe, xkcd.com

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